Subway Man PDF

INT-BEDROOM-DAY It is the morning and the sun has chosen risen out of the sky and the moon has said “goodbye.” A hand reaches out of a circle in a bed that leads to a void of despair and eternal suffering, but our man is not among those people that is subjected to eternal terror. He is a Subway emp...

INT-BEDROOM-DAY It is the morning and the sun has chosen risen out of the sky and the moon has said “goodbye.” A hand reaches out of a circle in a bed that leads to a void of despair and eternal suffering, but our man is not among those people that is subjected to eternal terror. He is a Subway employee of great import to himself and not to others because they are busy playing money to the mob based on a deal at a Spirit Mountain Casino that went by many years ago but has not been solved. The SUBWAY MAN takes his arm off and slaps his alarm clock with it. It falls to the ground and cries. SUBWAY MAN gets up and puts on his subway hat. He changes out of his subway pajamas into his subway workers clothes that were given to him last year as a christmas gift from Subway because his life has become subway that is researched by a far away facility. He downes some protein power, injects himself with powerade, and leaves the facility where he is kept under psychiatric care by subway. SUBWAY MAN How is everybody doing. I am eternal light, doppleganger of myself driven by anger and enlightened by oatmeal sensations. BUNGY PERSON walks by. BUNGY PERSON Are you going to work today and forever again Mr. Subway man? SUBWAY MAN I have a top hat and I keep it with me at all times. BUNGY MAN Don’t pull the bunny out of that hat. It might bite you and turn you into the  reality. You are alice in chains, but in wonderland. It’s the combination of Alice in Chains and Alice in Wonderland together, but only if its like… uh… sung by Colin Meloy. BUNGY PERSON and SUBWAY MAN pass each other, and pass a piece of ravioli that is frozen between their hands. BUNGY PERSON (cont.) This is the ravioli. Put it in the chocolate chip cookies at the subway you work at. It’ll poison all the customers who eat in the mind, who will become the mindless denizens of a pharmaceutical drug company, like big pharma, to experiment upon with different drugs and keep them in underground facilities away from water for long amounts of time. EXT-SUBWAY PARKING LOT-DAY SUBWAY MAN tries to find the entrance of the Subway, but the door has disappeared and all that is left is a dark, black void with an orange dot in the middle. SUBWAY MAN Fuck man. The door is gone and nowhere to be found. What on earth shall I do? Abruptly, BOSS BOY, the boss of the Subway who is also a boy, creeps out through the mouse hole at the bottom of the side of the building on the side that SUBWAY MAN is on. BOSS BOY Hello my worker, come in through the side. There’s a secret door. The Getty squad is after me, the mob of militant  police that look exactly like John Paul Getty. A JOHN PAUL GETTY man appears. BOSS BOY (cont.) Oh no. They are here to take away my civil liberties. I must goooo… A crab leg protrudes out of BOSS BOY’s face and he disappears back into the hole from whence he came. SUBWAY MAN looks astonished by the normalcy of his tedious existence that has turned the natural strange world into a state of monotony. SUBWAY MAN ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ Where is the secret door? The door materializes by the gas station across the street. It is a portal. SUBWAY MAN reveals his spider legs and they grow long and bouncy. He jumps across the street with one leap like Neil Armstrong on the moon. The JOHN PAUL GETTY man enters the subway across the street by walking in through the wall. There is a loud scream from inside the building. The SUBWAY MAN enters the portal and is inside the Subway. SUBWAY MAN ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ I think I should wash the dishes first. The dishes are everywhere and crashed and burned. SUBWAY MAN (cont.) ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ What a mess. SUBWAY MAN pulls the small frozen ravioli out of his pocket. SUBWAY MAN What is this strange piece of pasta I have found in my pocket!?! SUBWAY MAN throws it across the room, and it lands in a pasta pot. SUBWAY MAN (cont.) ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ I must hide this. INT-SUBWAY-DAY Later in the day, the Subway is now busy with eager and hungry customers who seek the sustenance of the boiled meats and veggies. CUSTOMER This is delicious. I must come to Subway more. CUSTOMER 2 Yes. My sandwich is delicious. I have just gone through a near-death experience involving shoes on an active freeway, but this sandwich has cured my woes. SAD MAN falls to the ground in the corner of the room. ANNOYED WOMAN doesn’t want anything to do with him. SAD MAN Dear honey, what is the problem my girl? ANNOYED WOMAN ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ I know that you went out with Honda! SAD MAN Only once! Please, my parents are important people! I must look like am coupled or otherwise I will cast shame upon my honorably coupled family of romantic prowess.  ANNOYED WOMAN So it is the family! The Getty’s have meddled in our affairs far too long. I will not have it! My family is that of the native Swiss country, and the land of my forefathers is filled with that the days and the hours! INT-KITCHEN-DAY SUBWAY MAN slaps a sandwich together. He puts the now-cooked ravioli in the sandwich accidentally without looking. SUBWAY MAN I hate my existence! The pay is not good is it? The tongue of a hungry customer sneaks in through the door and stretches to the sandwich. It disappears into the customer’s mouth. SUBWAY MAN Ah. It has been eaten. Thank goodness I can feed my cat today. INT-BEDROOM-DAY SUBWAY MAN’S CAT lies on the ground. Outside, a man with cash strapped to his upper body parachutes to the ground. It appears that he is under pursuit. INT-SUBWAY-DAY​ SUBWAY MAN finds BOSS BOY lying in a vast chasm in the freezer. BOSS BOY is no longer alive, and has presumably been killed by JOHN PAUL GETTY man. He takes the body of BOSS BOY and picks it up out of the chasm. He places it on a table and pushes the table off on the register down to the police station. It is a long bridge for items that goes through every building to the police station. Everything is controlled by the police. CUSTOMER Where is my food!? It has been hours and I have received none. The Subway begins to ripple and the sides of the store turn purple. SUBWAY MAN ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ Time to go! SUBWAY MAN slips through the portal and appears on the parking lot of the gas station across the street, away from the Subway. The Subway pops out of existence to disappear for the night and come back the next day. BUNGY MAN comes up to SUBWAY MAN. BUNGY MAN ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ So you have done it? SUBWAY MAN ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ Done what? BUNGY MAN Put the ravioli into the receptacle outside of the Subway where you work. SUBWAY MAN I found a strange pasta piece inside of my coat pocket. You mean to say this was you who was the responsible party for this silly party trick involving wheat products? Maniac, who are you? I have an apartment and want a peaceful life. BUNGY MAN  Aghast! I thought you said you would do it. SUBWAY MAN ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ I think it fell into a pasta pot. BUNGY MAN enters his giant bungy and bounces up through the sky, and into the moon. SUBWAY MAN looks up into the sky, as the moon materializes. SUBWAY MAN (cont.) ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ Another day of work is done. INT-BEDROOM-NIGHT SUBWAY MAN sleeps. His cat eats. The alarm clock is set to go off in the morning of the next day to greet another day. Across the street, the grocery store neon sign flickers. Qw THE END