PCM Lecture 14: Dealing with Difficult Personalities PDF

Level 1 - Semester 1 PCM LECTURE (14) DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES DR ZIAD MAHANA  PCM LECTURE - 3 0 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT...

Level 1 - Semester 1 PCM LECTURE (14) DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES DR ZIAD MAHANA  PCM LECTURE - 3 0 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES IN THE WORKPLACE PePl aEIfErNt& tAtSoEtMe cUsSOnLiT ⎚ TO EVOLVE PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIP : You should understand & & accept personality differences. ⎚ THIS LECTURE WILL EXPLORE STRATEGIES FOR DEALING CONSTRUCTIVELY WITH PERSONALITY CHARACTERISTICS THAT: ❶ Create conflict. ❷ Simply make it difficult to accomplish work goals. CAN BECOME DIFFICULT PEOPLE UNDER CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES § COMMON TRIGGERS ARE: Feelings of insecurity & inadequacy. § THE ROOT OF THEIR PROBLEMS MAY BE LACK OF: Social - Personal - Technical skills. They are Dr. Ziad Mahana 1  PCM LECTURE - 14 þ PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE ACTIONS INCLUDE: ① Verbal potshots ② Backhanded compliments þ PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE: § May be pleasant & cooperative on the surface. § Are never able to: ① Make a decision ② Take a risk ③ Complete an assignment § Problems are always external from their perspective. § Their behavior can be toxic to you, your success & your happiness. StAtGiSOrDeLiGIt dFfCuTErOnLiIe ❶ ⎚ Recognize that you should not take the behavior of difficult people personally. ⎚ Realize that you are not going to change or fix them, & it is not your job to do so. ❷ ⎚ People don’t change their behavior unless & until they want to. ⎚ Accept that the only person you can change is yourself. ❸ ⎚ Focus on changing your pattern of emotional & behavioral responses to the difficult people SO you make healthy & productive choices that benefit you now & in the long term. ⎚ Manage your emotions when you deal with difficult people. ❹ ⎚ Learn not to take their behavior personally. ⎚ Avoid becoming defensive because this will only make things worse. ⎚ Look deeper (drives & motives). ❺ ⎚ People don’t usually wish to be difficult for the sake of being difficult. ⎚ Examine yourself. ❻ ⎚ Brave & deep self-introspection Examination of your own mental & emotional processes (extra) ⎚ Recognize that dealing with difficult people is a skill worth learning, & it takes practice. ⎚ Assess past incidents & learn from them by asking yourself the following questions: ~ Who was involved? ~ What happened? ❼ ~ How did I feel? ~ How did I respond? ~ How do I wish I had responded? ~ What could I do differently in the future to have a positive outcome to a similar incident? Dr. Ziad Mahana 2  PCM LECTURE - 14 ❶ Dealing with Aggressive-Difficult People General rules ❶ ⎚ Be clear about how you wish to be treated & do not allow them to treat you otherwise. ❷ ⎚ Do not enter into a situation that makes you feel unsafe or threatened. ❸ ⎚ Consider asking a friend - colleague - supervisor to be present during meeting if appropriate. Special situations & appropriate responses ⎚ Respond with a comment like: IF YOU ARE UPSET BY “That wasn’t nice / productive / professional” SOMETHING THEY SAY “Please do not speak to me like that”. IF YOU ANTICIPATE ⎚ Meet them in a neutral location where you feel safe. UNPLEASANTNESS WITH THEM ⎚ Bring them out into the open by naming offending comments or IF THEY USE INDIRECT actions. OR COVERT TACTICS ⎚ Directly question them about their verbal attacks. ❷ Dealing with Passive-Difficult People þ PASSIVE-DIFFICULT PEOPLE often crave approval but feel unqualified So : ◈ They are unable to earn the approval & respect they seek. ◈ They may be noncommittal / feign agreement when asked to perform a task / work with others. However, they will likely be among first to blame others when things don’t work out þ THE BEST STRATEGY FOR DEALING WITH PASSIVE-DIFFICULT PEOPLE IS: ◈ To address their misbehavior directly & bring it out into the open. For example: If the person misses an important deadline, offer to meet with them & inquire why? IF THE CASE IS APPROPRIATE ACTION THEY FEEL UNABLE TO PERFORM ASSIGNED TASK & ⎚ Offer to help them to complete assigned task. UNABLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS OPENLY Dr. Ziad Mahana 3  PCM LECTURE - 14 mStCoMo aGrSsVe& pSsVeDiFiUl pRsNaItEs, aOn wThStAtGiSOrDeLiGIt tEmInAOsTiEAnEr PERSONALITY TYPE CHARACTERISTICS COPING STRATEGIES § Let them talk until they run out § Bullies & intimidates. of steam. § Is constantly demanding. § Get their attention. ❶ EVIL RULER § Can be brutally critical. § State your point non-aggressively. § Often lets others do the work, § Don’t allow interruptions. but tries to take all the credit. § Ask them to leave or walk away. § Hold them accountable. § Never offers ideas. § Shift the guilt. § Won’t let you know if they agree § Identify specific behaviors or conduct TIMID MOUSE or disagree. ❷ that are unacceptable. (WITHDRAWAL) § Avoids conflict at all cost. § Specifically describe desired § Uses emotions & guilt. performance & outcomes. to their advantage. § Follow up regularly. § Long-timer & may know a lot. § State your point non-aggressively. § Can be arrogant. § Don’t allow interruptions. THE PROFESSOR ❸ § Has opinion about everything. § Help them see other perspectives or (EGOMANIAC) § Gets defensive if wrong. alternatives. § Can become loud & hostile. § Don’t single them out / alienate. § Agrees to any commitment, yet rarely delivers. § Establish clear weekly, monthly, & § Can’t be trusted to follow quarterly goals within the framework THUMBS-UP through. ❹ of the individual’s responsibilities. (YAY SAYER) § Poor time-management or § Hold them accountable. organizational skills. § Offer a reality/sanity check. § Can eventually create resentment among colleagues. Dr. Ziad Mahana 4  PCM LECTURE - 14 PERSONALITY TYPE CHARACTERISTICS COPING STRATEGIES § Is quick to point out why § Stick to the facts. something won’t work. § Don’t allow yourself to be sucked in § Does not like change. to the gossip. NEGATIVE NELLY ❺ § Can be inflexible. § Don’t let it get personal. (NAY SAYERS) § Exaggerates others’ mistakes. § Calmly & consistently insist on § Encourages gossip/rumors positive behavior. that stimulate hard feelings. § Deal with issues immediately. § Really listen to what they’re saying. § Nothing is ever right. § Offer feedback & possible solutions GRUMPY CAT § Prefer complaining to finding a (if you think they’re open to hearing ❻ (COMPLAINER) solution. them). § Often unproductive. § Be up-front & don’t facilitate dependence. Notes ◈ As in any relationship, it is unproductive to simply ignore difficult person. ◈ Central characteristics of difficult people is They are energy vampires. ◈ WINNING OVER DIFFICULT P EOPLE: § One response does not fit all; You Will need to remain flexible. § The closer your relationship with the person, the more knowledge you’ll have of what will best work to calm things down. Dr. Ziad Mahana 5