Healing in Marriage Counseling PDF

Healing EIGHT ===== Interpreting Life from a Faith Perspective ------------------------------------------ ### Healing in Marriage Counseling, Part 1  ##### Identifying the Theme of Satan\'s Scheme: Condemnation ##### Identifying Satan\'s Condemning Narrative of God: \"Doub...

Healing EIGHT ===== Interpreting Life from a Faith Perspective ------------------------------------------ ### Healing in Marriage Counseling, Part 1  ##### Identifying the Theme of Satan\'s Scheme: Condemnation ##### Identifying Satan\'s Condemning Narrative of God: \"Doubt God\'s Good Heart\" ##### Identifying Satan\'s Condemning Marital Narrative: \"Hate Yourself, Crush Your Spouse, Trust Yourself\" ##### Taking Every Thought Captive: Collaboratively Exposing Satan\'s Couple-Specific Smaller Story ###### Prayerfully Assess Their Earthly Story: Diagnostic Questions ###### Collaboratively Undeceive the Couple ###### Introduce the Idea of Level 1 and Level 2 Suffering ###### Share the Patterns and Themes That You Have Heard Using Their Language ###### Explore the History of the Earthly Story Interpretation ###### Expose the Ultimate Source of the Earthly Story Interpretation 1. Recall Satan\'s condemning math equation: a horrible situation + a shrunken perspective + a shrunken Christ = despair. a. Think back to and write or share about a time in your life or marriage when you (like all of us) started to be trapped by this earthly story narrative. b. Write or share about a time either in a marriage you counseled or a marriage you know about when the couple was trapped in this condemning narrative. 2. Review the section titled \"Identifying Satan\'s Condemning Narrative of God.\" c. When have you struggled against this lie of Satan? d. How did you fight this lie with the truth of God\'s good, generous, gracious heart? 3. Review the section \"Identifying Satan\'s Condemning Marital Narrative.\" e. When have you struggled against this lie of Satan? f. How did you fight this lie with the truth of God\'s Word? 4. Review the section titled \"Taking Every Thought Captive.\" g. In what situation have you experienced both level 1 and level 2 suffering? Describe the battle.  ##### Picturing Life as a Virtuous Wedding and a Victorious War: Revelation 19:1-21 ##### Praying for Open Eyes to See: 2 Kings 6:13-23 and Ephesians 1:18-22 ##### Probing the Two Ways of Viewing Life and Marriage: 1 Samuel 17 #### Maturing as a Biblical Marriage Counselor 1. How could the following summary question impact how you provide marital counseling? 2. Read these three sample trialogues and then respond using the questions below. a. How would you answer each question in a current situation in your own life or marriage? b. Rewrite each trialogue in your own words-for how *you* might use it with a couple. 3. Regarding prayer in counseling: c. What role does prayer currently play in your counseling? How could you increase the role of prayer in your counseling ministry? d. Take either the 2 Kings 6:13-23 passage or the Ephesians 1:18-22 passage and write a prayer for a marriage counseling couple. 4. Concerning the trialogue questions from 1 Samuel 17: NINE ==== Tuning into the Bible\'s Faith Story ------------------------------------ ### Healing in Marriage Counseling, Part 2 #### Maturing as a Biblical Marriage Counselor *H pi g i Ch i A* 1. Imagine you are meeting with Carlos and Angela-and repeatedly hearing their negative perspective. a. How and for how long do you compassionately enter their pain (sustaining)? b. How would you attempt to crop Christ\'s hope into their picture-without coming across as ignoring their pain or being too heavenly minded to be of any earthly good? 2. We described marital healing as driving a stake in the heart of Satan\'s lies by encouraging couples to trust God\'s good heart; as couples inviting the resurrected Christ into their marital casket; and as couples uniting to tune into Christ\'s eternal faith story. c. For you, which of these summary descriptions best captures your calling as a biblical marriage counselor in the marital healing process? d. For each of these descriptions, what one or two passages would you go to when working with a couple toward each of those goals? 3. Reread the excerpt from the Biblical Counseling Coalition\'s confessional statement. e. How could this statement shape your approach to biblical marriage counseling through marital healing? f. What is the difference between pointing couples to a program, theory, or experience, versus pointing a couple to Jesus their Redeemer?  ##### Cling to Christ by Facing Suffering Face-to-Face with the Father ##### Imitate Christ by Shepherding Even When Suffering ###### A Refusal to Harm ###### A Decision to Heal ###### A Demonstration of Hope in God 1. When counseling a spouse not to retaliate, we never communicate that this means they are to passively accept abusive behavior. In marriage counseling, how do you balance these truths: entrust yourself to Christ and the body of Christ rather than retaliating, yet do not accept abusive behavior? 2. Picture a couple in marital crisis. How could you use 1 Peter 2:18 and 2:23 to help each spouse cling to Christ by facing suffering face-to-face with the Father? What would it look like to help them be conscious of God and entrust themselves to the God who judges justly? 3. Picture a couple in marital crisis. a. How could you use 1 Peter 2:23 to explore how to imitate Christ in his refusal to harm? b. How could you use 1 Peter 2:24 to explore how to imitate Christ in his decision to heal? c. How could you use 1 Peter 2:25 to explore how to imitate Christ in his demonstration of hope in God, which led to a commitment to shepherd those who were crucifying him? 4. In the trialogue vignettes with Carlos and Angela, you read, \"If that seems impossible right now, are you willing to work with me toward that level of maturity in Christ?\" We will further explore the maturity process in chapters 12 and 13 under biblical guiding. With what you know now, how would you help a couple like Carlos and Angela to grow in grace (sanctification, spiritual maturity, spiritual formation) so that their marital life would reflect more of the life of Christ?  1. Notice in the trialogue vignettes that even when there are teaching and explaining times, they never stop there. They always bring the gospel conversation back to Angela and Carlos and ask them to ponder, apply, and interact. a. What is your style as a marriage counselor? Are you more directive-more of a teacher/teller? Or are you more collaborative-teaching and then drawing out the couple? b. If you tend to be less collaborative, what could you do to develop more of a gospel conversation mode where you take advantage of the personal ministry of the Word to be sure that the couple ponders, applies, and interacts? 2. In the trialogue interaction about Romans 8:17-39, notice how Carlos and Angela were directed to interact with each other rather than just talking to their counselor. c. What is your style as a marriage counselor? Do your sessions tend to focus more on each spouse talking individually to you? Or do you work to help the couple talk to each other? d. If you tend to have each spouse talk mainly to you, how could you help the couple in the session talk more to each other as they relate God\'s truth to their marriage? 3. Think about Carlos and Angela and their pattern of hyper-condemnation of each other. Choose any two sections of Romans 8 and craft one trialogue gospel conversation for each section, where you help them apply the truth of that passage to their specific marital issue. ##### Healing Defined: \"Our Marriage Is All about Him\" ##### Healed Couples Pictured: \"Our Lives Are All about Reflecting Him\" ##### Healing, Hope-Giving Scriptural Explorations ##### Healing, Hope-Giving Spiritual Conversations ###### God-Glorifying Spiritual Conversations ###### Cross-Focused Spiritual Conversations ###### Resurrection-Hope Spiritual Conversations ###### Heroes-in-Christ Spiritual Conversations ###### Celebration Spiritual Conversations ###### Healing-through-Christ Spiritual Conversations 1. On page172, you read a list of seven marks of a maturing, Christlike couple. a. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most Christlike, assess your current level of Christlikeness in each of those seven areas. b. Which of those seven areas would you most like to keep maturing in? How could you do that? 2. On page173, you read a sample pattern for healing, hope-giving scriptural explorations. Take an issue, struggle, or relationship in your own life, select a relevant passage, and work through the scriptural exploration.  TEN === Dispensing Grace ---------------- ### Reconciling in Marriage Counseling, Part 1  ##### Contacting Authorities in Abuse Situations ##### Crisis Intervention in Abuse Situations ##### Contracting with Couples in Situations of High Levels of Mutual Disdain ##### Changing Patterns in Situations of High Levels of Mutual Disdain: Doing Something Different ##### Conflict Resolution and Communication Principles in Situations of High Levels of Mutual Disdain ##### Counseling Separately in Situations of High Levels of Mutual Disdain *P imi y C i i S ag* 1. Review the six crisis intervention recommendations: contacting authorities, crisis intervention, contracting with couples, changing patterns, conflict resolution and communication principles, and counseling separately. a. Which have you used? When? How? Which would you like to add to your marriage counseling ministry? Why? How? b. Which do you perhaps disagree with? Why? What would you do instead? c. What other crisis intervention responses do you recommend for marriage counseling? 2. Regarding abuse in marriage: d. Is your church a safe place for abuse victims? On what do you base your answer? How could your church become a safe or safer place for abuse victims? e. How equipped do you believe you and your church are to address abuse issues in a marriage? What written resources could you and your church learn from in this area? What experts- either locally, regionally, nationally, or internationally-could you and your church learn from? 3. Reread the section on restorative separations. f. What is your view on couples temporarily separating? Support your convictions biblically. g. If you were to develop a Restorative Separation Agreement, what elements would you include? How would you word each element? 4. Review the section about \"Confliction Resolution and Communication Principles in Situations of High Levels of Disdain.\" h. What are your go-to Scriptures when teaching about conflict resolution and communication? i. What are your go-to books or booklets you recommend for couples for conflict resolution and healthy communication? ##### Marital Diagnostic Questions about the Gospel-Centered Foundation of Marriage ##### Marital Diagnostic Questions about the Purpose of Marriage ##### Marital Diagnostic Questions about Marital Leaving, Cleaving, Weaving, and Receiving ##### Marital Diagnostic Questions about Marital Heart Disease ##### Marital Diagnostic Questions about the Husband\'s Ministry Calling: An Empowering Shepherd Who Loves Sacrificially ##### Marital Diagnostic Questions about the Wife\'s Ministry Calling: An Encouraging Intimate Ally Who Loves Respectfully  ##### The Heart of the Marital Care-Fronter: Confronting out of Caring Concern ##### The Goal of the Marital Care-Fronter ##### The Power/Person behind Effective Care-Fronting: Leave the Conviction to God ##### The Focus of Marital Care-Fronting: Patterns of Relational Heart Sin ##### The Process of Marital Care-Fronting: Softening Hardness by Confronting Discrepancies #### Maturing as a Biblical Marriage Counselor 1. What are the different ways you counsel a sinning spouse blind to their sin versus a sinning spouse repentant of and overwhelmed by the guilt of their sin? 2. Perhaps I gained your attention by saying, \"If you enjoy confronting others, you may not be very good at it.\" What do you think about that? How do 3. You read six goals of the marital care-fronter. Which of those goals surprise you? Which encourage you? 4. How could 2 Timothy 2:25-26 help you avoid power struggles in your counseling? 5. Craft four sample trialogue scriptural explorations or spiritual conversations designed to care-front sinful relational patterns. ELEVEN ======  a. What unique diffi culties does this combination add to the marriage counseling process? b. How did or could you approach each spouse in unique ways in such situations? 2. What are your thoughts on the potential benefits of co-counseling? In what ways might those benefits be changed when the co-counseling includes a male and a female counselor? 3. How could you respond when a spouse is showing fruits of repentance but is so overwhelmed with guilt that he or she is ready to give up hope? 4. When one spouse shows fruits of repentance and the other spouse struggles to forgive and grant grace, how could you work through the process of forgiveness? 5. What does biblical marital reconciliation look like? a. Should a person forgive before their spouse repents, or should they wait until there is confession and fruits of repentance? Where would you go in Scripture to address this question? b. Is there a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation? Can a person forgive yet still hold their spouse accountable for ongoing change before there is a full restoration of the marital relationship? Where would you turn in the Bible to address these questions? ##### Connecting Couples Intimately: Sinning in Front of You ##### Catching Spouses Red-Handed: Sinning against You ##### Confessing Sin Personally 1. We are all tempted toward a stubborn inclination to continue in self- suffcient attitudes that lead to self-centered relationships maintained by self-protective suppression of the truth. a. Are there times in your life where you have recognized this type of stubborn resistance to God\'s conviction? How did the Spirit break through to you? b. If you experience this stubborn resistance in marriage counseling, how can you work with God\'s Spirit, God\'s Word, and your counselee to break through? 2. This chapter is not the first time you have seen an emphasis on having the husband and wife talk to each other. Previously it was to comfort and encourage each other. Now it is to keep their relationship current and in the room so you and they can see their sin in action. c. How hard do you think it will be for you to move from having each spouse talk to you about their past conflict to having them talk to each other about their current conflict? d. How helpful do you think it will be in identifying and exposing spousal sin to have the couple interact in front of you?  ##### Providing Tastes of Grace ##### Sharing Gospel Conversations about Grace ##### Penning Psalms of Homecoming 1. During times of overwhelming shame and condemning guilt, who has been a 2 Corinthians 2 spiritual friend for you? How did they express God\'s forgiveness to you, comfort you, and reaffrm their love for you? 2. For *sustaining*, our word picture is *climbing in the casket*. For *healing*, it is *celebrating the empty tomb*. For *reconciling*, our word picture is *dispensers of grace*. Having read this section on calming the conscience with grace: a. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being highest, on how well you dispense grace and calm people\'s conscience with grace. b. How could you keep growing as a dispenser of grace? 3. Reread the two quotes from Martin Luther. Like Luther, how could you provide tastes of grace and share gospel conversations about grace to struggling spouses? 4. Reread the section titled \"Sharing Gospel Conversations about Grace.\" Craft several grace-based scriptural explorations and spiritual conversations. 5. An additional aspect of dispensing grace and calming the conscience with grace is penning psalms of homecoming. Ponder an issue of sin, confession, repentance, and returning home. Then pen your own (private/confidential) psalm of homecoming.  1. Recall our question for this section: What is the connection between sin, confrontation, repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation? a. To what passages of Scripture do you turn to answer this question biblically? b. What Christian books or other resources do you use and recommend to help you and couples think through this question? 2. In the reconciling work of biblical marriage counseling, the last three words of this statement are often the most diffcult to achieve: \"It\'s horrible to sin against Christ and each other, but through Christ it\'s wonderful to be forgiven *and to forgive*.\" How do you help couples to work through that last part-how do you help them to forgive one another? 3. On page3, you read four examples of how spouses often push back when you begin talking about forgiveness. Have you heard these or similar sentences? How do you address these concerns? 4. I use 1 Corinthians 5:1-5; 2 Corinthians 7:8-13; and 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 (in that specific order) to address the biblical connection between sin, confrontation, repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation. How could you use these three passages to help couples think through and live out biblical reconciliation? 5. Imagine some Christian ministry has asked you to craft a blog post (five hundred to one thousand words) addressing how you help struggling couples think through sin, confrontation, repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Ready? Write your blog post!