Part 2 90-162.pdf PDF

Summary

This document, appears to be notes or a chapter from a book on healing and mental health. It discusses various topics, including depression, drug abuse, and anger management. It includes some tables and lists of symptoms.

Full Transcript

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Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man Depression comes in part from the lack of ability to express or change one's feelings in a negative environment When expression becomes counter-productive oi• is not permitted, and change seems unlikely, the only outlets left are to abandon the situation, become angry, and rebel against the situation, or feel hopeless and depressed about the situation. Notice that the first two reactions are active, while depression is a passive reaction. This is the seat and cause of the problem. Depression is echoed in the words, "I can't." "I can't change him." "I can't leave." "I can't take this." When opposing expressions become deadlocked without obvious resolution there will be depression. Many times depression is caused by fatigue or sleeplessness. Chemical changes or interruptions in sleep cycle, time, or depth can lead to depression. This is why stress can be a factor, since it is known to change sleep patterns. If one sees life's obstacles as too much to bear, depression is soon to follow. Being tired, fatigued, or highly stressed can cause everyday life to seem mountainous. To look at situations logically from a fresh and rested perspective often helps. To make plain and articulated choices to endure or not, to leave or stay, or how much of a situation to take, may help. We must impress upon the person that all situations in life come down to their choice; however, all choices come with a price and an elimination of other pathways. To choose one way is to reject another. Once clear decisions are made and settled, some cases of depression resolve themselves. Find the cause of the anger or frustration. Examine the cause of hopelessness or lack of clear direction. Give schedules and suggestions of rest, breaks, help, and clear decisions. Give an ear for the person to vent and express. Help resolve anger and stalemate. If depression does not abate, recommend a visit to a physician. 89 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man DRUG AND ALCOHOL ABUSE The following information was taken directly from the National Institute on Drug Abuse Fact Sheet as posted in October of 2005. The data covers trends in 2002-2003. This data is already outdated. In 2005 an epidemic of methamphetamine was declared and drug taskforces were being formed in small, rural towns throughout the South to slow the spread of drug abuse and the crime that follows. This fact sheet highlights information from the latest published proceedings of NIDA's Community Epidemiology Work Group* (CEWG). The information covers current and emerging trends in drug abuse for 21 major U.S. metropolitan areas, as shared at CEWG's June 2003 meeting. The findings are intended to alert the general public, policymakers, and authorities at the local, State, regional, and national levels to the latest trends in drug abuse.** The CEWG is a network of researchers from Atlanta, Baltimore, Boston, Chicago, Denver, Detroit, Honolulu, Los Angeles, Miami, Minneapolis/St Paul, Newark, New Orleans, New York, Philadelphia, Phoenix, St Louis, San Diego, San Francisco, Seattle, Texas, and Washington, DC. CEWG members (epidemiologists and researchers) assess drug abuse patterns and trends from the health and other drug abuse indicator sources below. These data are enhanced with qualitative information from ethnographic research, focus groups, and other community-based sources: * the Treatment Episode Data Set (data from treatment facilities) and the Drug Abuse Warning Network (emergency department—ED— mentions and medical examiner death mentions involving illicit drugs), both funded by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration; 90 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man * the Arrestee Drug Abuse Monitoring program, funded by the National Institute of Justice; * the System to Retrieve Information on Drug Evidence and other information on drug seizures, price, and purity, from the Drug Enforcement Administration; * drug seizure data from the United States Customs Service; and * the Uniform Crime Reports, maintained by the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Trends of Use Cocaine/Crack Cocaine/crack abuse was endemic in almost all CEWG areas in 2002. Rates of ED mentions per 100,000 population were higher for cocaine than for any other drug in 17 CEWG areas. Rates increased significantly between the second half of 2001 and the first half of 2002 in Baltimore, Denver, Newark, and San Diego, while decreasing in San Francisco and Seattle. ED rates were highest in Chicago, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Baltimore, and Miami in the first half of 2002. Rates for cocaine were much higher than those for methamphetamine in west coast areas. Trends in treatment admissions from 2000 to 2002 showed little change in most CEWG areas. Primary cocaine admissions constituted more than 40 percent of illicit drug admissions (excluding alcohol) in seven areas, with the majority being for crack. Additionally, polydrug use was common among powder and crack cocaine abusers. Cocaine was reported frequently as a secondary drug by heroin abusers admitted to treatment. Between 27 and 49 percent of male arrestees tested positive for cocaine in 14 CEWG areas. Nationwide in 2002, 61,594 kilograms of cocaine were seized by the DEA —3.6 percent more than in 2001 and 35.9 percent more than in 1995. Heroin Heroin indicators were relatively stable in 2002, but continued at high levels in Boston, Chicago, Detroit, Newark, Philadelphia, and San Francisco. Primary heroin treatment admissions ranged from 62 to 82 percent of all illicit drug admissions (excluding alcohol) in Baltimore, Boston, and Newark. Rates of heroin ED mentions exceeded 100 per 100,000 population in Chicago and Newark, and heroin/ morphineinvolved death mentions reported by DAWN ranged from 195 91 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man to 352 in Boston, Baltimore, and Chicago. Conversely, significant decreases in ED rates were observed between the first half of 2001 and the first half of 2002 in six CEWG areas: Baltimore, Dallas, Detroit, Phoenix, San Diego, and Washington, DC. Of the eight CEWG areas reporting local medical examiner data on heroin/morphine-related drug mortality in 2002, figures were highest in Detroit, Philadelphia, southern Florida counties, and Phoenix. DEA data showed that heroin purity in 2001 was highest in Philadelphia (73 percent pure), and ranged from 56 to 68 percent in New York, Boston, and Newark—all areas where South American and Southwest Asian heroin are widely available. Misuse of Prescription Opiates Opiates/narcotics (excluding heroin) appear increasingly in drug indicator data, particularly hydrocodone and oxycodone products. Increases in oxycodone ED mentions were reported in 12 CEWG areas from the first half of 2001 to the first half of 2002, and 7 of these were statistically significant. In San Francisco, oxycodone ED mentions increased 110 percent during the same time period. Other CEWG members reported an increase in oxycodone medical sales, diversion of the drug from clinics, and increased arrests. I-Iydrocodone, which is often used in combination with alcohol and other drugs, was cited as a problem in several CEWG areas including Phoenix, Texas, Minneapolis/St. Paul, and South Florida. Preliminary ED data for the first half of 2002 show that the rate of narcotic analgesics/combinations mentions per 100,000 population was 2 to 7 times higher in Baltimore than other CEWG areas. In 11 of the 20 CEWG areas included in the DAWN mortality system in 2001, the number of narcotic analgesic-related death mentions exceeded those for cocaine, heroin/morphine, marijuana, and methamphetamine. Marijuana Marijuana is the most frequently used illicit drug in CEWG areas, and levels of use and abuse are high among adolescents and young adults. Rates of marijuana ED mentions per 100,000 population increased significantly between the first half of 2001 and the first half of 2002 in Miami, Newark, Phoenix, and San Diego, but decreased in Chicago, San Francisco, and Seattle. Primary marijuana admissions (excluding alcohol) accounted 92 J. Lumpkin Healing the Tribes of Man for approximately one-quarter to one-half of admissions for illicit drug use in 12 of the 20 CEWG areas reporting 2002 treatment data. The proportions were highest in Minneapolis/St. Paul, Miami, Colorado, New Orleans, and Seattle. The percentages of adult male arrestees testing marijuana-positive in 2002 exceeded the percentages testing positive for other drugs in 12 of 16 CEWG areas. The same was true of female arrestees in only three of nine CEWG sites. The DEA reported seizures of 195,644 kilograms of marijuana in 2002, the lowest amount since 1996. Methamphetarnine Methamphetamine abuse continues to spread geographically and to different populations. In addition to the large "super labs" in California and trafficking from Mexico, there has been a proliferation of small "mom and pop" laboratories throughout the country, especially in rural areas. Methamphetamine abuse and production continue at high levels in Hawaii, west coast areas, and some southwestern areas, and abuse and manufacture continues to move eastward. Several CEWG areas report new populations of methamphetamine users, including Hispanics and young people in Denver, club goers in Boston, and African-Americans in Texas. Primary admissions for amphetamines/ methamphetamine (excluding alcohol) represented a sizable minority of treatment admissions in eight CEWG areas in 2002. Most admissions were primary methamphetamine users. The percentages of adult male arrestees testing positive for methamphetamine use trended upward in nine CEWG areas between 2000 and 2002. Additionally, one-half of adult female arrestees in Honolulu tested positive in 2002, as did nearly 42 percent in Phoenix and 37 percent in San Diego. Not only methamphetamine users, but also children exposed to and agencies that seize and clean up methamphetamine labs are also in danger of serious health consequences. 93 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man MDMA MDMA (methylenedioxymethamphetamine; often called ecstasy) indicators suggest that use of this drug has spread to populations outside the club scene. MDMA is often used in combination with alcohol and other drugs, and pills sold in clubs as ecstasy often contain substances other than, or in addition to, MDMA. The number of MDMA ED mentions decreased in 11 CEWG areas from the first and/or second half of 2001 to the first half of 2002, with a significant increase reported only in New Orleans. The highest numbers of ED mentions in 2002 were in Philadelphia, Miami, San Francisco, Atlanta, Los Angeles, and New York. Two CEWG members reported statewide treatment admissions data for 2002: for Illinois, 2002 was the first year that "club drug" treatment admissions were tracked and a majority of those admitted were male (68 percent) and White (75 percent); in Texas, treatment admissions with a primary, secondary, or tertiary MDMA problem rose from 63 in 1998 to 521 in 2002. Emerging Drugs: PCP PCP indicators increased in five CEWG areas— Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Phoenix, Washington, DC, and Texas—and remained steady in Chicago communities. Los Angeles reported an 11 percent increase in PCP-related arrests since 2001. In Phoenix, PCP ED mentions increased significantly between the first half of 2001 and the first half of 2002 — from 27 to 42 mentions. In Texas, ED mentions increased significantly from 46 to 74 during the same time period. In the first half of 2001, 6 CEWG areas had more than 73 PCP ED mentions, ranging from 74 in Dallas to 542 in Philadelphia. In 2002, both primary PCP treatment admissions and ED mentions were highest in Washington, DC. DC also reported increases in both adult and juvenile arrestees who tested positive for PCP. (end of article.) One of the most tragic and destructive conditions facing the U.S. is drug abuse. Of all drugs, methamphetamine is the fastest growing plague above all other plagues. Meth, crack, speed, upper, or crystal, as it is called, is a looming scourge and scar on our nation today. Generations are growing up addicted and giving birth to children who seem to contract their 94 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man addiction through exposure to this diabolical drug. Grandparents, parents, and children are being arrested together in drug busts taking place across the nation. In many cases, mothers are neglecting children or mercifully abandoning them at hospitals and police departments. It is all done in the search for the next buy, the next hit, and the next high. Recipes have been developed that allow the manufacture of the drug with readily available components in spaces as small as the trunk of a car. As the drug infiltrates the body, it changes brain chemistries and alters the level of serotonin. When the euphoric high subsides, a depression as deep and black as one could imagine descends. In order to avoid the crushing low, the addict chases the next high. Days run into days and those who have not slept begin to break with reality as drug induced psychosis rules the mind. Sleeplessness, irritability, rage, mood swings, rapid weight changes are all indications of meth abuse. What can be done? Of all the rules of counseling, the one that rings most true is: "If they don't ask the question, they are not ready for the answers." In other words, if they don't want to end the addiction and if they are not fully committed to the journey, they will return to the drug and the counselor will have wasted time better spent on others more willing to heal. Until they seek help, they are not likely to respond to help. Even if the addict wishes to escape, the drug will call to them through the altered brain chemistry. However, there are ways to help and to, as much as possible, avoid recidivism. All things that permit access to the drug must be removed from life. Friends who do or have done drugs should be avoided. Places where drugs were bought, sold, acquired, or used should be off limits. Items that relate to use as well as things that remind the addict of the high should be eradicated. The addict must change their playpen, playmates, and play things. The basic human needs of the addict must be provided. These needs are 95 J. Lumpkin — Healing the Tribes of Man broader and deeper than one may first assume. All people have the same basic needs. Food, clothing, shelter, companionship, love, purpose, and selfexpression are all basic needs. If any of these are lacking for too long, the person will seek them in whatever venue is available. This is where most counselors fail and the reason most addicts return to the drug scene. It is in the fundamental misunderstanding of what is needed and the inability to provide or guide the addict toward finding those things that eventually forces him back into the drug world. We must ask ourselves, would we wish to live without companionship, love, purpose of life, or the ability to constructively express ourselves? Why would we expect others to do so? These needs or the opportunity to find these needs outside the former circle of friends must be provided. If one grows lonely, friendships will be sought. Let it be with a newly developed circle of Christian, drug-free friends. Even assuming this is done, we must be clear about the condition of the addict. One of the side effects of amphetamine addiction is possible secondary addiction to sex. The drug increases energy across the board and much of the increase goes into sexual energy. Other drugs may also be used to counteract the effects of meth in order to allow the user to sleep. This opens the door to alcohol and barbiturate abuse. Once the addict has been away from drugs for about 2 weeks, the body has purged most of the drug. However, what remains is to deal with habit, conditioning, and the brain chemistry which draws them back. To keep the condition from recurring, we must determine why it has happened. What brought the person to this condition? Why does a person choose addiction? Is it not obvious that when one chooses to take an addictive substance, one becomes its slave? 96 I. Lumpkin — Healing the Tribes of Man From talking with hundreds of addicts over the last ten years, two reasons people choose addition stand out self-medication and selfdestruction. In the case of self-medication we should look to underlying problems such as clinical depression, and bi-polar or manic/ depressive disorders. The subject experiencing these types of conditions will seek ways to equalize moods and may turn to drugs and alcohol to assuage the internal pain. As the person cycles toward a Iow point, the happy, euphoric feeling obtained from the drug offsets the swing and stalls the coming darkness. Drugs and alcohol numb and counter the impending cloud. Often, once the underlying condition is treated properly, it becomes much easier to break the addiction. A related condition is self-destructive behavior. Abuse, mistreatment, and pernicious neglect can fracture a child's psyche. The child grows up believing he is worthless. They may come to a point of believing they are unlovable. The child grows into an adult incapable of receiving love, forming close bonds, or feeling worthy of life. They want to die. Playing hard and fast with life sometimes is a sign that life isn't worth living. Imagine living with the shame of believing you were not wanted or deserving of life. Alcohol or drugs can be used to numb the internal pain, to turn down the self-eviscerating voices of shame or guilt, and to hide from disappointment in life. The counselor must ascertain the underlying motive. In this case it may be the scars left by defective parents. This does not excuse antisocial actions, but it may be an explanation of the source of pain, anger, or self-destruction. The source of torment must be addressed before the addiction can be broken. Trust must be established. Within a trusting environment, Iove must be planted and nurtured. The heart of the suffering must be opened and past abuses need to be addressed before healing can begin. But, remember, when you begin to address family issues 97 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man you must treat the family, not just the addict. This may prove difficult as family members may balk at the suggestion they need counseling. Sexual abuse and extended emotional or physical abuse yields damage in the child that grows into open wounds of self-contempt as an adult. Of course, peer pressure often comes into play in the teenage years. If an impressionable individual comes under the influence of a drug abuser they can fall prey to addiction. However, with the idea of immortality so prevalent in youth, the belief that they are stronger than the drugs, could be to blame. They happily take the drugs knowing they are in control, stronger than the drug, and will never become addicted. This is narcissism, and whether related to the folly of youth or a mental condition, it yields the same result; a life lost to drugs. Convincing the person they are not in control and they need help may be more difficult than it would first appear. It would mean giving up the illusion of control and superiority, which some find more comforting than reality. Even looking into a mirror at their own sunken eyes and soulless face will not convince them they need help. Death is preferable to admitting you are wrong to this type of person. "I am sorry, "I was wrong", and "Please help me" are foreign words to them. First the counselor must convince them they have a problem that is bigger than they are. Whatever the addiction is, the steps to recovery are always the same: recognize the problem, admit the problem, seek help for the problem, free yourself of the problem, and live like the problem is a beast that is always stalking you. 98 J. Lumpkin — Healing the Tribes of Man ACTING IT OUT OR WORKING IT OUT All of us are either "acting out" or "working out" our problems. As we go through the day and receive different triggers relating to our youth or bringing up past emotions, we must, in some way, dissipate them. This is done by working them out in such a way which releases us from their effects. On the other hand, we may act them out in a way to relieve pressures while not addressing the true issue causing the pain. In working out a problem, there must be a conscious understanding and evaluation that takes care of the immediate feelings of anger or hurt and also works toward a healthy emotional equilibrium concerning the basic problem. In acting out a person feels a stress brought about by the same mechanism, but there is no conscious understanding or healing which occurs. Instead, the person's emotions are repressed; anger and hurt are "swallowed down" and are harbored on some level until such time as the psyche is full. The unconscious overflow of this anger and hurt comes out in attitudes and actions aimed at making a statement that their fear or repression has kept them from making consciously. These statements are almost always designed to go in two directions. The first is regarding the self and is self-worthlessness, selfdestructiveness, or self-protection. The second is fear, anger, and hurt caused by the people or situations which brought about the first feelings. We must ask ourselves: Are we working things out, or are we acting things out? If we are working things out we will not keep repeating past mistakes. We will come to understand and take responsibility for our lives 99 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man and all of the things in it. Like a pendulum that seeks its center, we will find ourselves off balance less and less, and mistakes will occur less frequently. If we are acting things out, we will find it hard to take responsibility for our lives. It will always be the other person's fault. We will find ourselves consumed with anger, or fear, or pain. We strike out or act without thought. Sometimes, even before we realize it, we will say, "Look what you made me do." We will repeat patterns and mistakes over and over without getting any closer to having it right. Worst of all, we won't think about it, or if we do, it will seem hopeless because we will not admit we have control, and therefore responsibility, over our own actions. There are always choices. Either change yourself, or change your situation. It is never an option to try to change another person. That's not your place. It can only cause another to have negative emotions toward you. And those, too, will either have to be worked out or acted out. It is a logical but bizarre twist that can compel us to act out in a manner that seems opposite to what is our normal behavior. This same reflex will make the personality types swing from extreme to extreme. They will be mirror images contained within the same person. Let us consider the many priests and clergy who are being uncovered today as con men, pedophiles, homosexuals, and abusers. When we sense a problem in our personality, we are faced with the question of what to do about it. We could face the problem head on, seek the counsel of others, start into therapy, and work through the pain until we are healed. This is the most difficult, but it is also the most rewarding choice. On the other hand, we could deny the existence of any problem and continue to act overtly. This is the worst choice. We can decide to put ourselves in a situation that we believe will defuse the bomb within us. We believe, if we make it very difficult to act on any of our imbalanced impulses, that we have fixed the problem. So we lock 100 J. Lumpk in — Healing the Tribes of Man ourselves away in an environment which is the antithesis of the nature of the problem, as a shield between it and us. Truth is like cream; it will always rise to the top. As the stratification occurs, we start to act out again. We do so this time, in an environment chosen for its purity and piety. In this environment we preach to ourselves, pray for ourselves, even do penance for what we are fighting within ourselves. We cloister ourselves away, and symbolically we cloister the sickness away inside of us. Day after day we beat it back, but like the dragon in the basement, it is always there, waiting, promising to one day break through. In spite of our walls, denials, or whips we use to control it, we never deal with the problem. Problems that are not solved will forever recur. The difference between a balanced person and a criminal is the wholeness of the person; this wholeness is the integration of those levels in ourselves we consider anathema. These hidden pockets must be faced, conquered, and integrated back into the personality. While the "disintegration" is in progress, we can expect it to cause the affected types to appear as opposites. It must be remembered they will usually swing within the extremes of the same type. Remembering there are twelve types of people, a type five could be either a communicator or a con-artist. A type six could be priest or a pervert. A type eight could be a fair judge or ruthless dictator. When typing personalities or examining our own personality, we have to remember not to be deceived or to deceive ourselves. If these blind and deaf areas of ours could be opened to us, and we could learn to hear and recognize the voices and feelings of our three parts (the child, the parent, and the adult), we could allow the adult to make our choices in its logical way. We would not have to be driven and blinded by the barely recognizable voices and feelings from our past. Our lives would be ours. While we would not get rid of the feelings and voices, we would learn to  3. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man identify them in order to quantify, compensate, and mute their effects in our lives. We are like children trying to escape a dragon. To do so we must run from the danger. So as not to leave a trace, we must change our playthings, playmates, and playpens. Sometimes saying, "get thee behind me, Satan," is not as effective as turning our backs on him and running. 102 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man VOICES Inside each of us there is a trio. The three voices in the trio are hardly ever in harmony. The voice of the child can be heard during the times of escapism and other more emotional behaviors. It is based in need or fear. It is selfish. The voice of the parent is usually associated with restrictive, more sterile, behavior. It is that voice of self criticism, and unbalanced or negative self image. The parent is also part of our conscience, but it is the "learned" and distorted part. The third part of the trio is the adult. It represents a reasonable, moderate point of balance. It is the only part of us that has the ability to act with forethought and logic. The adult voice is the thoughtful voice of reason. It is capable of seeing the outcome for us and others and making a mature decision. The below is a list of common actions and attitudes. It gives a general idea of the voice that we are listening to and by what we are being driven, based on the outward manifestation of our problem. The adult is the side of us that is reasonable, logical, understanding, moderate, and balanced. Here are two quick checks to see how in touch with the adult you are: Ask yourself how immature and selfish you really are. The honesty of this answer will reveal volumes. 2. Remember the last time that you made a serious mistake in a relationship. Weren't you aware that it was a foolish choice when you made it? 1. 103 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man These answers will add insights into yourself. If you have arrived at the point which puts you in touch with your own behavior, it is only a short step to being in control of it. If you are confused between what is right and wrong simply examine the intent. If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid the immense confusion? Child Parent Sex addiction Alcoholism Drug abuse Being late Not keeping appointments Not accepting responsibility Passive/ aggressive Passive/ indecisive Being silly Abused Sloppy Chaotic Emotional Food addiction Hypochondria Prudishness Abstinence Self-condemnation Extremely punctual Stickler for details Blaming self Disciplinarian Stern Always serious Abuser Obsessively clean An order addict Repressed Eating disorders Stoicism 104 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man LET IT GO In those times of our lives when we are being eaten alive by an emotional issue, we can easily lose our self-control. We may know we should "let the situation go," but our hearts won't listen. Obsession results. Dwelling on a painful or traumatic event is not uncommon, but when we lose the capacity to direct our minds away from it, the event can become the focal point of our "thought-lives." The trauma starts a cycle that can render us incapacitated. It can come from an event in the present. It can be brought back to the foreground from the past by a seemingly unrelated issue. Damage can be as obvious as abuse, or as insidious as simply not being celebrated as a person. What happens when our world becomes more and more subjective? It becomes smaller and smaller, and we become more and more dysfunctional, even immobilized. The way out of this self-imposed trap is a very simple but obscure one. We must take that which is subjective and bring it out of ourselves. We must take what haunts us within and make it objective. In Alcoholics Anonymous it is called "turning the problem over to your higher force." In Christian circles it is called "letting go and letting God have it." These terms seem easy enough to understand, but how do we do it? Before we realize what has happened to us, we have jumped on the treadmill that makes this a formidable issue. The cycle is a simple one. We are shocked, hurt, or traumatized by an event or situation. If it is sudden or dramatic enough, we usually pass through a stage of denial. This is marked by feelings that it is not real, possibly only a dream. Inside, we may even try to force ourselves to wake 105 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man up from what we may feel to be a bad dream. Our senses seem to tell us we are awake, but a part of our mind refuses to accept the reality of what has happened. We may even try to live our lives as though the event never happened in the hope that would make it so. If it is a continuing action or if it is a part of our childhood, we may repress the event. Either way, we may simply not want to deal with it. The next step for some is to splinter. A part of their psyche is shattered and a piece is left at the time and place of the trauma This part of our mind and emotions keeps repeating the situation over and over, trying to figure a way out, and trying to stop the event or get out of it. We must keep in mind that our emotions have no past, only the present. So the part of us left in the past keeps drawing the whole persona back to it, as it continues to search for an answer and a way to stop the pain which, emotionally, is still happening. Obsession occurs when the pain and cries of that piece of us left behind, outweigh the ability of the remaining persona to concentrate or function. At this point, the primary unit in us is drawn back to the shard and emotionally re-experiences the trauma. Each time this happens there is more left behind, and less of us remaining in the present. We feel as if we are being split in two. That instrument which we used to avoid and solve the problem has itself become the problem. "If you work on your mind with your mind how can you avoid the imminent confusion?" Thoughts give way to actions, and obsessions give way to compulsions, as the thing your mind is locked on creates emotions which are acted out. You may struggle against the thought, but by this point you're fighting yourself. How can you win? By having a force driving you that is at least as strong as the one haunting you. The obsession can be counteracted by understanding...each time you are drawn into the obsessive thoughts, you are creating a habit that is entrenching itself more and more deeply. 106 J. Lumpkin — Healing the Tribes of Man One of the most insidious of all injuries is to simply not be celebrated as a person. If a child grows up not being thought of as a unique and special person, or if he is made to endure a childhood that was never a time of playfulness and love, he will forever miss a sense of having a special place in the world. A type of insecurity will result, based in a feeling of insignificance. Part of him will be looking for an identity. We must all have a feeling that we are unique and fill a special place in the world. Whether it happens as a spontaneous act of the psyche, or by the sovereign grace of God, when that which is so entrenched within the mind is revealed in the objective light of day, it leaves the mind free to settle and become still. It is the stillness that is so needed and so lacking in a state of obsession. Whether it is a childhood injury or a sudden trauma, when the mind gets stuck on something long enough or deeply enough to form a habit of thought, that person is in trouble. We can start the healing process by re-training our minds with another thought habit, or we can face the dragon head-on, and with it defeat the scenario that frightens us; or we can choose to do both. For the following example, let us assume the trauma has been caused by adultery, divorce, or death, since they all fall in the same category of loss. Your mind has been fixated on the missing person, and you may think you cannot go on living without him. However, you must realize you lived without him before he came into your life, The deeper this sinks in, the better you will become at combating the feelings of hopelessness. You were happy before, and you can be happy again. Secondly, you should choose a focal point. This should be the strongest and most compelling point for your healing. Always, the best reason to keep going is to keep evolving into a better individual; however, in times of crisis it is difficult to be motivated by an intangible. Most of the 107 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man time it is better to concentrate on a situation, thing, or person that makes your life worth living. You must take into account in times of depression, you will feel as if you have nothing worth living for; but feelings are not facts. They just seem that way. You must suspend your feelings as much as possible for a short time and use only reason and logic to come to an adult realization. This must be used to reprogram your mind. Each time the obsession rears its ugly head, you must plug in the focus you have chosen. Dwell on this thought as much as possible. Lastly, and most importantly, you must face the nemesis head on. You do this by asking yourself what the worst thing that could happen would be. This will effectively take an internal issue and allow you to face it out in the open. The fact will always be the same. No matter how you may feel, the fact remains that before you met the person whose loss you mourn, there was life, and after him there will still be life. We must grieve our losses. There will be pain and anger, and feelings of abandonment These things are real, natural, and necessary, but after this, there is life. Do not be afraid to ask your doctor for help. When deep sorrow occurs, there can be chemical reactions inside the brain that cause a condition leading to depression. The depression can cause chemicals to be released which cause hopelessness, tiredness, and more depression. The cycle feeds on itself and cannot be broken without medical help. 108 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man APPLIED PHYSICS If a man in despair walks to the roof's edge and jumps; then on the way down he repents, asks to be forgiven, and is saved, he will hit the ground a saved man, but he will most certainly hit the ground. This is a lesson in "Spiritual Inertia." That which is put in motion will stay in motion until acted on by an outside force. If we come to God and receive salvation, the sins of the past will still catch up to us. They will come. We will have to pay the bill, but we will have the Lord to help us through the hard times. We will have the hope of a cleaner, more peaceful life. We will not fear the knock at the door. However, the bills of sin are paid by all men. Sin always takes you farther than you wanted to go, makes you pay more than you wanted to pay, and makes you stay longer than you wanted to stay. These lessons must be taught to those in our counsel. Salvation will lead to a better and eternal life; a life with Jesus, but it will not stop the inertia of the sins from the past and they will have to be dealt with here on earth. To be forgiven of your sins by God does not answer the needs of the law or the physics of life. Life rolls on. This is the law of "Spiritual Inertia." 109 J Lumpk in - Healing the Tribes of Man TAKE A LOAD OFF ANNIE The gauge of your maturity is the honesty of your own selfishness. Richard Bach One of the gauges of mental health is our ability to view situations objectively and place responsibility accordingly. We should never try to thrust the blame for our actions or reactions on another person, nor should we ever accept blame for actions or reactions which are not our own. It is a common human condition to want to be right, but it is not healthy to want it enough to blame someone when it is not his fault. This lets us off the hook so we do not have to deal with the problem. It may make us feel better not to be held responsible for our actions, but it guarantees we will have to deal with the same problem again and again. If a person is abused and then is blamed for the abuse, he is doubly abused and the guilty go free, never having to correct the problem and will certainly abuse again. More than a solution, this is an explanation and a plea to those emotional abusers to stop. The heart aches for a way out of the prison of the abusive relationship. The person who feels trapped will try anything to keep it from happening again This often includes throwing away one's objectivity and self-image to the point of taking to heart the convoluted accusations of the abuser - those cutting tones and words of blame which push the responsibility of the abuse back again onto the person who has already been injured physically or emotionally. You can always identify the act by its preamble: If you hadn't or "If you just wouldn't..." or "You made me..." The person just attacked convinces himself this must be true He tells himself he knows how this person is when he loses his temper, or drinks too much, or takes drugs, or is  J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man under pressure from work, and if the abused person had acted accordingly the pain would not have happened. The tragic thing about this condition is it offers the person receiving the abuse a sick form of hope. The hope is if he can be good enough, it might not happen again. If he could only love enough, care enough, empathize enough, he might be able to stop the cycle. Buying the blame is buying the illusion of control and the hope that it brings. But what are we trading for this hope? We are trading the feeling of being such a bad person that we can cause someone to abuse us. We are accepting the feeling of being worthless enough to deserve being beaten. It is not a good trade. To those who have been the abuser and have allowed this shifting of blame, I plead with you to correct it. To falsely cause a person to feel responsible for his own destruction is a load no one should have to bear. Once you have seen the abuser in yourself, it is your responsibility to free your mate or child from the prison you have built for him. Go to that injured little child and make him understand. Only a child would try so hard to make you love him. Whether you are hurting the child within the adult or the literal child in the family, you have injured him and now is the time to free him. If he is an adult, you may find all through his childhood he has tried to get his parent to love him, and the child inside of him is still functioning in that time. Now you have become the image of the abusive parent, and his prison continues. Perhaps by your actions you are now creating that abused child in your own family. Take the responsibility and stop the abuse. Take your load off him. III J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man DEATH AND DYING In her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, Swiss-born psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross outlined the five stages of grief felt by someone who is dying. These stages represent a path taken by a majority of individuals facing certain and approaching death. Terminal cancer patients and others with life-taking diseases may walk this path. However, it should always be remembered that there will be those who will not "go quiet into that good night," but will instead, rage - rage against the close of day. Some will be in two or three stages at once, passing from one to the other or vacillating between stages. The job of the counselor is to act as a guide toward the completion of Iife's journey. • Denial and isolation: "This is not happening." The person may believe they are actually in a nightmare. There is a feeling that if they could just wake up they would be well and things would be as they were before. Reality is refused. This means they may also distance themselves from loved ones. • Anger: "God can't do this." Reality begins to sink in and the result is defiance. If handled constructively, this can be a positive phase. Anger must be directed away from God and focused on the clear circumstances. They have a disease and they can fight it with all the defiance they have within them. Those who take a stand here in a constructive way are the people who last longer or go down fighting. Bargaining: "God, if you let me live I will change." This can be a negative stage. The person can take on a false hope and fall back into denial, believing God has agreed to the deal and death is cheated for a while. This stage can also incorrectly limit the length of time the patient expects to live. Having made a bargain to live 112 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man until a milestone is reached, such as the birth of a grandchild, when the birth occurs, death may be anticipated. • Depression: "I can't bear waiting-I can't bear another day." Any number of issues drive the person toward depression The pain or debilitation of sickness, the waiting for death to overtake them, the torture their family must endure in care-giving and monetary outlay all contribute to depression Yet, hope must spring eternal and the love of the family makes the connection deeper through serving. If the patient was well and someone in the family was ill, the patient would serve them as they are now being served. It is what love calls us to do. Depression can be treated by developing a sense of gratitude for the love and devotion that drives those who serve. Pain and mood swings must be treated with medication. • Acceptance: "I have made my peace. I am ready to go home." This stage may come quickly to those whose loved ones have died before them. The elderly whose mate is already dead and those with no loved ones left, often embrace this phase freely. Death comes easily for those with faith they will see their loved ones again. "I am homesick for a place I have never been," my grandfather said, "where I will see my mom and dad, sisters and brothers again." Acceptance of death in the elderly is a weariness of life and a feeling of wishing to shed this mortal coil and be free of all the trouble and pain the body holds. In the younger patient, it is a resignation and preparation of the soul. 113 J. Lumpkin - Healing the Tribes of Man GRIEF AND GRIEVING Grieving does not have to be initiated through death. It can begin through divorce, estrangement, or separation. Any emotional loss can throw a person headlong into grief. Children experience grief when parents separate or divorce. Spouses feel grief and anger when spouses leave. The grieving process can take as long as five years to complete. After the journey there will still be scars and memories. These we will learn to live with. We will function and live again, but we will not forget. As with death and dying, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross named five stages of grief people commonly go through after a serious loss. Some stages are common between both dying and grieving. The perspective may change but to leave or to be left, frequently evokes the same feelings. • • • Denial and Isolation: Like the first stage listed in death and dying, this is a stage of withdrawal from reality and other people. It is a temporary defense mechanism to allow the mind time to come to grips with the global personal changes. Denial allows one to develop strategies to work through the upcoming stages. Anger and Resentment: This stage is characterized by anger and even rage at whatever caused the loss. Children may be angry at the loss of a parent, blaming them for leaving and being angry and the parent. Divorce brings blame. The counselor should allow the outpouring of anger. It is part of the process of grief. If the grieving person has been part of an accident there may be guilt attached to the anger. The question may be simply, "Why not me?" Bargaining: Often people attempt to bargain with God. This is seen in divorce at times when one will bargain to reunite with the person who has left. There may also be threats in this stage where the person will cry out to God or those around them, even to the ex-spouse in cases of divorce. They will declare an intention to kill themselves if the pain 114 J. Lumpkin — Heating the Tribes of Man • . doesn't stop. It is emotional blackmail and should not be rewarded; however, the pain or loss is real. Depression: When bargaining doesn't work, and the person realizes there is nothing they can do to change the situation, depression sets in. It is due to a feeling of helplessness. The realization that what has occurred is out of one's control is a difficult step to take. This is the time when one admits what has happened and is mindful of his or her grief. Acceptance: When anger, sadness, and depression have decreased, acceptance starts to come. Unlike death and dying, where defiance and anger can result in a healthy fight for life; in grieving there is already loss. Life has changed. Something has died, but life continues. God gave us life. It is a gift to be treasured. It would be a shame not to live it to the fullest. Growth and triumph are not only possible but also inevitable if you do not give up. Life is about grieving. In a way we are programmed for it. If we had a good childhood we will grieve for those days when lift was sweet and carefree. We grieve the loss of innocence. If we had a bad childhood with abuse or neglect we will grieve when good times come. They have always come at a horrible price. When happiness comes we grieve the impending cost. The only solution is to live in the moment, and in each atom of happiness, drink it in for all if is worth. The past in gone and cannot be changed. The future has not yet come. The present is real, here, and now. If God offers you a gift in this present time, take it. A thankful heart sings to God, and He hears it. 115 J. Lumpkin Healing the Tribes of Man CO-DEPENDENT NO MORE ...IF YOU SAY SO The tongue-in-cheek chapter title says it all. Over the years the definition of "co-dependence" has changed. At one time the meaning was restricted to those who needed to be needed, to the extent they chose to five with those who were controlling personalities or needy personalities such as addicts or alcoholics. However, over the years, co-dependency has expanded into a definition which describes a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving, developed during childhood years and by family rules. The co-dependent person takes his cues from others. Codependency is a loss of personal identity. Will and self-governance are traded for security and approval. It is an extension of a passive personality type. As adults, co-dependent people have a greater tendency to become involved in relationships with people who are aggressive, unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. The co-dependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued lack of fulfillment. There are two types of co-dependent conditions. The first involves the broken pieces of a personality fitting within the other person's personality, like a puzzle. This is observed when an aggressive person is coupled with a passive person. An aggressive person is one who attempts to  J. Lumpk in - Healing the Tribes of Man impose their wishes on others. A passive person has lost individuality and self-motivation. The aggressive person demands that the passive or codependent person follow his or her orders, even to the point of thinking as the aggressive person wishes them to think. The co-dependent person acquiesces; needing acceptance, approval, and love. They address the wishes of the other person and ignore their own. The other type of co-dependent person seeks out needy mates in the form of addicts, alcoholics, "rage-aholics", or emotionally distant and cold people. They then set themselves the task of fulfilling the needs or desires of the other person to the exclusion of their own needs or wishes. The signs of co-dependency are: • Your self-esteem and good feelings about yourself depend upon receiving appreciation or approval from your partner. • You find yourself saying "Yes" to things when you want to say "NO!" • You sacrifice your own interests and wishes to accommodate your partner. • Your fear of rejection determines what you say or do. • You dislike or fear being alone. Counselors must be aware of the co-dependent's tendency to become dependent on counseling. We as counselors generally invite people to rely on us. We tell people what to do in order to guide them out of various traps in their psyche or society. This can develop into a situation where others become dependent on us. Thus, a co-dependent relationship is born. Assertiveness training and the setting of proper personal boundaries are the tools to overcome co-dependence. The patient must be shown the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness. Not only should they  J. Lumpkin — Healing the Tribes of Man identify the difference when demonstrated by their partner but they should seek to achieve a healthy assertiveness in their own Iife. Self-determination and self-respect should be cultivated. The rules of the co-dependent relationship will change when the passive person begins to define his boundaries, needs,

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