Netaji Bose's Life and Writings - PDF

N E T A J I’ S LIFE and WRITINGS PART ONE AN INDIAN PILGRIM OR AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF SUBHAS CHANDRA BOSE WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS. COM WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  PREFACE The NetaJi Publishing Society has great pleasure in present- ing to the public the unfin...

N E T A J I’ S LIFE and WRITINGS PART ONE AN INDIAN PILGRIM OR AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF SUBHAS CHANDRA BOSE WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS. COM WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  PREFACE The NetaJi Publishing Society has great pleasure in present- ing to the public the unfinished utobiography of`Netaji Sub- has Chandra Bose. Netaji wanted to give his autobiography, when completed, the title "An Indian Pilgrim". That is how his autobiography derives the name. "An Indian Pilgrim" takes the reader from Netaji’s parentage, birth and early childhood to his Cambridge days—and what days !—when a youngman of 24 had to make up his mind either to take a path, strewn with roses, which promised nothing but ease, luxury and official hon- our, or a path, strewn with thorns, inviting one to selfless suffering and sacrifice and promising nothing more than blood, sweat and tears. The result of the struggle is known to the world. But only handful have had the privilege to know the different phases of that struggle. Perhaps it was not in 1921 but a decade earlier that the battle within had been won and lost. Perhaps even earlier! That is a poser which we leave to the readers. But one thing is certain that the Rashtrapati and the Rebel President, the Desh Gaurab and the Netaji, the creator of the First Government of the Free India and the beloved leader of the Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs, Christians and Parsees, had been moulded between 1897 and 1921. This is the period covered by "An Indian Pilgrim". It is the masterly analysis of a Humanitarian, a WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 4 PREFACE Psychologist, a Statesman and a Soldier, looking back on the formative years of his life. It is the earnest desire of the Netaji Publishing Society to place before the public all the writings and speeches, po- litical and autobiographical, of Netaji. A perusal of the yet unpublished materials at present at its disposal makes one’s head whirl. One is forced into deeper thoughts at every step. The various facets of the struggle between the spiritual urge or the ‘call of the Himalayas’ and the cause of the suffering humanity; the nature of dreams Netaji used to have and their analysis by him and various other things make fas- cinating reading indeed, and they shall be made available to the public at the earliest opportunity. But many letters, articles, etc. written by Netaji are in the hands of the pub- lic. We would appeal to all to place them at the disposal of the Netaji Publishing Society so that they may run a thread through the scattered gems and return them to the world in the form of the most priceless ornament. We hope that all those who possess such materials shall rise above personal and private motives. In conclusion, we would like to thank Shri Sudhir Chandra Roy Chowdhury (Mayor of Calcutta), Shri J.P. Mitter, Bar—at-Law, Shri Naresh Nath Mukherjee, Mr. M. V. Gough~Govia (Deputy Mayor) and Shri Madhusudan Dey of Messrs Thacker, Spink & Co., Ltd., for their kind as- sistance. NETAJI ZINDABAD ! JAI HIND! SHAH NAWAZ KHAN. SARDUL SINGH WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 5 CAVEESHAR. LAKSHMI SEHGAL. MAHBOOB AHMED. DHANRAJ SHARMA. BIRENDRA N. DuTT. BELA MITRA. KALYAN KUMAR BOSS Calcutta 23rd Janvary 1948 WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  CHAPTER ONE BIRTH, PARENTAGE AND EARLY ENVIRONMENT My father, Janakinath Bose, had migrated to Orissa in the eighties of the last century and had settled down at Cuttack as a lawyer. There I was born on Saturday, the 23rd January, 1897. My father was descended from the Boses of Mahinagar, while my mother, Prabhabati (or rather Prabha- vati) belonged to the family of the Dutts of Hatkhola. I was the sixth son and the ninth child of my parents. In these days of rapid communication, a night’s jour- ney by train southwards along the eastern coast takes one from Calcutta to Cuttack and on the way there is neither adventure nor romance. But things were not quite the same sixty years ago. One had to go either by cart and encounter thieves and robbers on the road, or by sea and brave the wrath of the winds and the waves. Since it was safer to trust in God than in brother man, it was more common to travel by boat. Sea-going vessels would carry passengers up to Chandbali where transhipmcnt would take place and from Chandbali steamers would get to Cuttack through a number of rivers and canals. The description I used to hear from my WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 7 mother since childhood of the rolling and pitching and the accompanying discomfort during the voyage would leave no desire in me to undergo such an experience. At a time when distances were long and journey by no means safe, my fa- ther must have had plenty of pluck to leave his village home and go far away in search of a career. Fortune favours the brave evenin civil life and, by the time I was born, my father had already made a position for himself and was almost at the top of the legal profession in his new domicile. Though a comparatively small town with a population in the neighbourhood of 20,000, Cuttack1 had an impor- tance of its own owing to a variety of factors. It had an un- broken tradition since the days of the early Hindu Kings of Kalinga. It was dc facto capital of Orissa which could boast of such a famous place of pilgrimage as Puri (or Jagannath) and such glorious artrclics as those of Konarak, Bhuvane- swar, and Udaigiri. It was the headquarters not only for the British administration in Orissa, but also for the numerous ruling chiefs in that province. Altogether, Cuttack afforded a healthy environment for a growing child, and it had some of the virtues of both city and country life. Ours was not a rich, but what might be regarded as a well—to-do, middle-class family. Naturally, I had no per- sonal experience of what want and poverty meant and had no occasion to develop those traits of selfishness, greed, and 1 Cuttack, under the Government of India Act, 1935, is the capi- tal of the new province of Orissa. Formerly, till 1905, along with Bihar, it was a part of the Presidency of Bengal. Between 1905 and 1911 when Bengal was partitioned, West Bengal, Bihar and Orissa formed one province, while East Bengal and Assam formed another. After 1911 and till quite recently, Bihar and Orissa together formed one province. West and East Bengal have, since 1911, been re~united, while Assam and the Bengali speaking districts of Sylhct and Cachar have been constituted into a separate province. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 8 BIRTH, PARENTAGE AND EARLY ENVIRONMENT the rest which are sometimes the unwelcome heritage of indigent circumstances in one’s early life. At the same time, there was not that luxury and lavishness in our home which has been the ruin of so many promising but pampered young souls or has helped to foster a supereilious, high- brow mentality in them. In fact, considering their worldly means, my parents alwayserred——and, I daresay, rightly too—on the side of simplicity in the upbringing of their children. The earliest recollection I have of myself is that I used to feel like a thoroughly insignificant being. My par- ents awed me to a degree. My father usually had a cloak of reserve round him and kept his children at a distance. What with his professional work and what with his public duties, he did not have much time for his family. The time he could spare was naturally divided among his numerous sons and daughters. The youngest child did, of course, come in for an extra dose of fondling, but an addition to the family would soon rob it of its title to special favour. And for the grown- ups it was difficult to discern whom father loved more, so strictly impartial he appeared to be, whatever his inner feelings might have been. And my mother? Though she was more humane and it was not impossible at times to detect her bias, she was also held in awe by most of her children. No doubt she ruled the roost and, where family affairs were concerned, hers was usually the last word. She had a strong will, and, when one added to that a keen sense of reality and sound common-sense, it is easy to understand how she could dominate the domestic scene. In spite of all the re- spect I cherished for my parents since my early years, I did yearn for a more intimate contact with them and could not help envying those children who were lucky enough to be WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 9 on friendly terms with their parents. This desire presumably arose out of a sensitive and emotional temperament. But to be overawed by my parents was not the only tragedy. The presence of so many elder brothers and sis- ters seemed to relegate me into utter insignificance. That was perhaps all to the good. I started life with a sense of diffidence—with a feeling that I should live upto the level already attained by those who had preceded me. For good or for ill, I was free from overconfidence or coeksurencss. I lacked innate genius but had no tendency to shirk hard work. I had, I believe, a subconscious feeling that for medio- cre men industry and good behaviour are the sole passports to success. To be a member of a large family is, in many ways, a drawback. One does not get the individual attention which is often necessary in childhood. Moreover, one is lost in a crowd as it were, and the growth of personality suffers in consequence. On the other hand, one develops sociability and overcomes self-centredness and angularity. From in- fancy I was accustomed to living not merely in the midst of a large number of sisters and brothers, but also with uncles and cousins. The denotation of the word ‘family’ was there- fore automatically enlarged. What is more, our house had always an open door for distant relatives hailing from our ancestral village. And, in accordance with a long-standing Indian custom, any visitors to the town of Cuttack who bore the stamp of respectability could—with or without an introduction — drive to our house and expect to be put up there. Where the hotel—system is not so much in vogue and decent hotels are lacking, society has some how to provide for a social need. The largeness of our household was due not merely to WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 10 BIRTH, PARENTAGE AND EARLY ENVIRONMENT the size of the family, but to the number of dependants and servants as well——and to the representatives of the animal world-—cows, horses, goats, sheep, deer, peacock, birds, mongoose, etc. The servants were an institution by them- selves and formed an integral part of the household. Most of them had been in service long before I was born and some of them (e.g. the oldest maid-servant) were held in respect by all of us2Com mercialism had not then permeated and distorted human relationship; so there was considerable attachment between our servants and ourselves. This early experience shaped my subsequent mental attitude towards servants as a class. Though the family environment naturally helped to broaden my mind, it could not, nevertheless, rid me of that shy reserve which was to haunt me for years later and which I doubt if I have yet been able to shake off. Perhaps I was and still remain an introvert. 2 Some of them have since retired from service and are enjoying pensions, while others have died. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  CHAPTER TWO FAMILY HISTORY The history of our family can be traced back for about 27 generations. The Boses1 are Kayastha2 by caste. The founder of the Dakshin-Rarhi3 clan of the Boses was one Dasaratha Bose, who had two sons, Krishna and Parama. Parama went over to East Bengal and settled there, while Krishna lived in West Bengal. One of the great—great- grandsons of Dasaratha was Mukti Bose, who resided at Mahinagar, a village about 14 miles to the south of Calcutta, wl1ence the family is now known as the Boses of Mahina- garf4 Eleventh in descent from Dasaratha was Mahipati, a man of outstanding ability and intelligence. He attracted the attention of the then King of Bengal, who appointed him as Minister for Finance and War. In appreciation of his 1 For some of the facts chronicled here I am indebted to Na- gendranath Bose, the well-known antiquarian and historian (see his ar- ticle on Purandar Khan in Kayatha Patrika, Bengali Monthly for Jaistha, 1335). 2 The original form in Sanskrit is Basu or rather Vasu. In com- mon parlunce in Bengali, Vasu has become Bose. 3 The Kayasthas claim to be none other than Kshatriyas (i.e., warriorcaste) in origin. According to popular usage, the Kayasthas are classified among the (so—called) higher castes. 4Dakshin-Rarhi probably means ‘South-Bengal WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 12 FAMILY HISTORY services, the King, who was Muslim by religion, conferred on him the title of ‘Subuddhi Khan5 As was the prevailing custom, Mahipati was also given a ‘jaigir’ (landed property) asa mark of royal favour and the village of Subuddhipur, not far from Mahinagar, was probably his jaigir. Of Mahipati’s ten sons, Ishan Khan, who was the fourth, rose to eminence and maintained his father’s position at the Royal Court. Ishan Khan had three sons, all of whom received titles from the King. ‘1`he second son, Gopinath 1} Bose, possessed ex- traordinary ability and prowess and was appointed Finance Minister and Naval Commander by the then King, Sultan Hossain Shah (1493-1519). He was rewarded with the title of Purandar Khan and a jaigir, now known as Purandarpur, not far from his native village of Mahinagar. In Purandarpur there is a tank called “Khan Pukur” (or Khan’s Tank) which is a relic of a one-mile long tank excavated by Purandar Khan. The village of Malancha near Mahinagar has grown on the site of Purandar’s Garden. In those days the Hooghly flowed in the vicinity of Mahinagar and it is said that Purandar used to travel by boat to and from Gaud, the then capital of Bengal. He built up a powerful navy which defended the kingdom from external attack and was its commander. Purandar also made his mark as a social reformer. Before his time, according to the prevailing Ballali custom, the two wings of the Kayasthas — Kulin (who were the elite, viz., the Boses, the Ghoses, and the Mitras) and Moulik (the Dutts, the Deys, the Roys etc.) did not, as a rule, intermarry. Purandar laid down a new custom6 to the effect that only 5From Calcutta Mahinagar can be reached via Chingripota, a station on the Diamond Harbour Railway line 6 Intercaste marriage which has been going on for the last 50 years or more has considerably slackencd existing caste rules. But in WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 13 the eldest issue ofa Kulin need marry into a Kulin family, while the others could marry Mouliks. This custom, which has been generally followed till the present day, saved the Kayasthas from impending disaster——the fruit of exces- sive inbreeding. Purandar was also a man of letters. His name figures among the composers of Padabali, the devotional songs of the Vaishnavas. Evidence is afforded by several Bengali poems, like Kavirama’s ‘Ray1nangal’, that as late as 200 years ago, the Hooghly (called in Bengali———Ganga) flowed by Mahi- nagar and the neighbouring villages. (Even now, all tanks in the former bed of the ‘Ganga’ are also called ‘Ganga’ by courtesy, e.g., Bose’s Ganga, meaning thereby Bose’s tank.) The shifting of the river-bed struck a death blow at the health and prosperity of these villages. Disturbance of the drainage of the countryside was followed by epidemics, which in turn forced a large section of the population to mi- grate to other places. One branch of the Bose family-—the direct descendants of Purandar Khan-moved to the adjoin- ing village of Kodalia. After a period of comparative silence, this neigh bour- hood, containing the villages of Kodalia, Chingripota, Hari- navi, Malancha, Rajpur, etc. leapt into activity once again. During the early decades of the nineteenth century there was a remarkable cultural upheaval which continued till the Purandar’s time this move was regarded as revolutionary. The outstand- ing position he had in social and public life enabled him to put through this measure of reform. It is said that he invited over 100,000 Kayasthas to his village to have the new code adopted by them. ‘Khan’s Pukur’ was excavated on this occasion to supply pure drinking water to this vast assembly. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 14 FAMILY HISTORY end of the century when once again the countryside was devastated by epidemics——malaria carrying off the palm this time. Today one has only to walk through these deso- lated villages and observe huge mansions overgrown with wild creepers standing in a dilapidated condition, in order to realise the degree of prosperity and culture which the neighbourhood must have enjoyed in the not distant past. The scholars who appeared here about a century ago were mostly men learned in the ancient lore of India, but they were not obscurantists by any means. Some of these Pundits were prcceptors of the Brahmo Samaj, then a revolution- ary body from the spcio-cultural point of view, while others were editors of secular journals printed in Bengali wl1ich were playing an important part in creating a new Bengali literature and in influencing contemporary public affairs. Pundit Ananda Chandra Vedantavagecsh was the edi- tor of Tattwabodhini Patrika, an influential journal of those days and also a preceptor of the Brahmo Samaj. Pundit Dwarakanath Vidyabhusan was the editor of Som Praksh, probably the first weekly journal to be printed in the Ben- gali language. One of his nephews was Pundit Shivanath Shastri, one of the outstanding personalities of the Brahmo Samaj. Bharat Chandra Shiromani was one of the authori- ties in Hindu Law, especially in the Bengal school of Hindu Law called ‘Dayabhag’. Among the artists could be named Kalikumar Chakravarti, a distinguished painter, and among musicians, Aghor Chakravarti and Kaliprasanna Bose. Dur- ing the last few decades the locality has played an important part in the nationalist movement. Influential Congressmen like Harikumar Chakravarti and Satkari Bannerji (who died in the Deoli Detention Camp in 1936) hail from this quarter, and no less a man than Comrade M. N. Roy, of WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 15 international fame, was born there. To come back to our story, the Boses who migrated to Kodalia must have been living there for at least ten generations, for their genealogical tree is available} My father was the thirteenth in descent from PurandarKhan and twenty sixth from Dasaratha Bose. My grandfather Haranath had four sons, Jadunath, Kedarnath, Deven- dranath, and Janakinath my father. Though by tradition our family was Shakta,7Haranath was a pious and devoted Vaishnava. The Vaishnavas being generally more non—violent in temperament, Haranath stopped the practice of goat-sacrifice at the annual Durga Pooja (worship of God as Divine Energy in the form of mother) which used to be celebrated with great pomp every year—Durga Poojah being the most important festival of the Hindus of Bengal. This innovation has been honoured till the present day, though another branch of the Bose fam- ily living in the same village still adheres to goat-sacrifice at the annual Poojah. Haranath’s four sons migrated to different places in search of a career. The eldest Jadunath who worked in the Imperial Secretariat had to spend a good portion of his time in Simla. The second, Kedarnath, moved to Calcutta 7 The Hindus of Bengal were, broadly speaking, divided into two schools or sects, Shakta and Vaishnava. Shaktas preierred to worship God as Power or Energy in the form of Mother. The Vaishnavas wor- shipped God as Love in the form of father and protector. The difference became manifest at the time of initiation, the ‘mantra’ or ‘holy word’ which a Shakta received from his ‘guru’, or preceptor, being different from what a Vaishnava received from his guru. It was customary for a family to follow a particular tradition for generations, though there was nothing to pre- vent a change from one sect to the other. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 16 FAMILY HISTORY permanently. The third, Devendranath, who joined the edu- cational service of the Government and rose to the rank of Principal, had to move about from place to place and after retirement settled down in Calcutta. My father was born on the 28th May, 1860 and my mother in 186928 After passing the Matriculation (then called Entrance) Examination from the Albert School, Calcutta, he studied for some time at the St. Xa- vier’s College and the General Assembly’s Institution (now called Scottish Church College). He then went to Cuttack and graduated from the Ravenshaw College. He returned to Calcutta to take his law degree and during this period came into close contact with the prominent personali- ties of the Brahmo Samaj, Brahmanand Keshav Chandra Sen, his brother Krishna Vihari Sen, and U mesh Chandra Dutt, Principal of the City College. He worked for a time as Lecturer in the Albert College, of which Krishna Vihari Sen was the Rector. In 1885 he went to Cuttack and joined the bar. The year 1901 saw him as the first non-official elected Chairman of the Cuttack Municipality. By 1905 he became Government Pleadcr and Public Prosecutor. In 1912 he became a member of the Bengal Legislative Council and received the title of Rai Bahadur. In 1917, following some differences with the District Magistrate, he resigned the post of Government Pleader and Public Prosecutor and thirteen years later, in 1930, he gave up the title of Rai Bahadur as a protest against the repressive policy of the Government. Besides being connected with public bodies like the Municipality and District Board, he took an active part in educational and social institutions like the Victoria School 8 To be more exact, she was born on the 13th Phalgun, 1275-ac- cording to the Bengali year. Phalgun 13th,1344 is equivalent to February 25th, 1938. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 17 and Cuttack Union Club. He had extensive charities, and poor students came in for a regular share of them. Though the major portion of his charities went to Orissa, he did not forget his ancestral village, where he founded a charitable dispensary and library, named after l1is mother and father respectively. He was a regular visitor at the annual session of the Indian National Congress but he did not actively participatein politics, though he was a consistent supporter of Swadeshi9 After the commencement of the Nonco- operation Movement in 1921, he interested himself in the constructive activities of the Congress, Khadi10 and national education. He was all along of a religious bent of mind and received initiation twice, his first guru being a Shakta and the second a Vaishnava. For years he was the President of the local Theosophical Lodge. He had always a soft spot for the poorest of the poor and before his death he made provi- sions for his old servants and other dependants. As mentioned in the first chapter, my motl1er be- longed to the family of the Dutts11 of Hatkhola, a northern quarter of Calcutta. In the early days of British rule, the Dutts were one of those families in Calcutta who attained a great deal of prominence by virtue of their wealth and their ability to adapt themselves to the new political order. As a consequence, they played a role among the neo-aristocracy of the day. My mother’s grandfather, Kashi Nath Dutt, broke away from the family and moved to Baranagore, a small town about six miles to the north of Calcutta, built a pala- tial house for himself and settled down there. He was a very well-educated man, a voracious reader and a friend of the 9 i.e. home-indiistries 10 Khadi or Khaddar is hand-spun and hand-woven cloth. 11The original Sanskrit form of this word is “Datta” or “Dutta”. “Dutt” is an anglicised abbreviation of this word. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 18 FAMILY HISTORY students. He held a high administrative post in the firm of Messrs Jardine, Skinner & Co., a British firm doing business in Calcutta. Both my mother’s father, Ganganarayan Dutt, and grandfather had a reputation for being wise in selecting their sons-in-law. They were thereby able to make alliances withthe leading families among the Calcutta aristocracy of the day. One of Kashi Nath Dutt’s sons-in-law was Sir Romesh Chandra Mitter,12 who was the first Indian to be acting Chief Justice of the Calcutta High Court. Another was Rai Bahadur Hari Vallabh Bose who had migrated to Cuttack before my father and as a lawyer had won a unique position for himself throughout the whole of Orissa. It is said of my maternal grandfather, Ganganarayan Dutt, that before he agreed to give my mother in marriage to my father, he put the latter through an examination and satisfied himself as to his intellectual ability. My mother was the eldest daughter. Her younger sisters were married successively to (the late) Barada Ch. Mitra, C.S., District and Sessions Judge, Mr Upendra Nath Bose of Benares City, (the late) Chandra Nath Ghose, Subordinate Judge and (the late) Dr J. N. Bose, younger brother of the late Rai Bahadur Chuni Lal Bose of Calcutta. From the point of view of eugenics it is interest- ing to note that, on my father’s side, large families were the exception and not the rule. On my mother’s side, the contrary seems to have been the ease.` Thus my maternal grandfather had nine sons and six daughters13 Among his 12 This is the same as Mitra. Sir Romesh had three sons-the late Manmatha Nath, Sir Benode, and Sir Pravas Mitter. The late Sir B. C. Mitter was Advocate-General of Bengal and later on, member of the Judicial Committee of the Privy Council. Sir Pravas Mitter was member of the Executive Council of the Governor of Bengal. 13See Appendix I. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 19 children, the daughters generally had large families—in- cluding my mother-—~but not the sons. My parents had eight sons and six daughters,14“ of whom nine——seven sons and two daughters——are still living. Among my sisters and brothers, some—but not the majority-——have as many as eight or nine children, but it is not possible to say that the sisters are more prolific than the brothers or vice versa. It would be interesting to know if in a particular family the prolific strain adheres to one sex more than to the other. Perhaps eugenists could answer the question. 14 For the genealogical tree, see Appendix II. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  CHAPTER THREE BEFORE MY TIME It requires a great deal of imagination now to picture the transformation that Indian Society underwent as a re- sult of political power passing into the hands of the British since the latter half of the eighteenth century. Yet an un- derstanding of it is essential if were to view in their proper perspective the kalcidoscopic changes that are going on in India today. Since Bengal was the first province to come under British rule, the resulting changes were more quickly visible there than elsewhere. With the overthrow of the indigenous Government, the feudal aristocracy which was bound up with it naturally lost its importance. Its place was taken by another set of men. The Britishers had come into the country for purposes of trade and had later on found themselves called upon to rule. But it was not possible for a handful of them to carry on either trade or administration without the active co-operation of at least a section of the people. At this juncture those who fell in line with the new political order and had sufficient ability and initiative to make the most of the new situation came to the fore as the aristocracy of the new age. It is generally thought that for a long time under WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 21 British rule Muslims1 did not play an important role, and several theories have been advanced to account for this. It is urged, for instance, that since, in provinces like Bengal, the rulers who were overthrown by the British were Muslims by religion, the Muslim community maintained for a long time an attitude of sullen ani- mosity and non-co—operation towards the new rulers, their culture and their administration. On the other hand it is said that, prior to the establishment of British rule in India, the Muslim aristocracy had already grown thoroughly effete and worn out and that Islam did not at first take kindly to modern science and civilization. Consequently, it was but natural that unde1 British rule the Muslims should suffer from a serious handicap and go under for the time being. I am inclined, however, to think that in proportion to their numbers,2 and considering India as a whole, the Muslims have never ceased to play an important role in the public life of the country, whether before or under British rule-—and that the distinction between Hindu and Muslim of which we hear so much nowadays is largely an artificial creation, a kind of Catholic—Protestant controversy in Ireland, in which our present-day rulers have had a hand. History will bear me out when I say that it is a misnomer to talk of Mus- lim rule when describing the political order in India prior to the advent of the British. Wliether we talk of the Moghul Emperors at Delhi, or of the Muslim Kings of Bengal, we shall find that in either ease the administraion was run 1 Also called Mohammedans. 2 According; to the 1931 census, the Muslims are roughly 24.7 per cent of the total population of British India which is about 271.4 millions; roughly 13.5 per cent of the total population of the Indian states which is 79 millions and roughly 22 per cent of the total popula- tion of India, which is 350.5 millions. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 22 BEFORE MY TIME by Hindus and Muslims together, many of the prominent Cabinet Ministers and Generals being Hindus. Further, the consolidation of the Moghul Empire in India was effected with the help of Hindu commanders-in—chief. The com- mander-in-chief of Nawab Sirajudowla, whom the British fought at Plassey in 1757 and defeated, was a Hindu, and the rebellion of 1857 against the British, in which Hindus and Moslems were found side by side, was fought under the flag of a Muslim, Bahadur Shah. Be that as it may, it is a fact so far as Bengal is con- cerned, whatever the causes may be, most of the pron1inent personalities that arose soon after the British conquest were Hindus. The most outstanding of them was Raja Ram Mo- hon Roy (1772-1833) who founded the Brahmo Samaj3 in 1828. The dawn of the nineteenth century saw a new awak- ening in the land. This awakening was cultural and religious in character and the Brahmo Samaj was its spearhead. It could be likened to a combination of the Renaissance and Reformation. One aspect of it was national and conserva- tive——standing for a revival of lndia’s culture and a reform of India’s religions. The other aspect of it was cosmopoli- tan and celectic—seeking to assimilate what was good and useful in other cultures and religions. Ram Mohon was the visible embodiment of the new awakening and the herald of a new era in India’s history. His mantle fell successively on ‘Maharshi’ Devendra nath Tagore (1818-1905), father of the poet Rabindra Nath Tagore, and Brahmanand Keshav 3 The Brahmo Samaj can best be described as a reformist move- ment within Hindu society, standing for the religious principles of the Vedanta in their pristine form and discarding later aeeretions like image-worship and the caste-system. Originally the Brahmos tended to break away from Hindu society, but their present attitude is to regard themselves as an integral part of it. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 23 Chandra Sen (1838-1884) and the influence of the Brahmo Samaj grew from day to day. There is no doubt that at one time the Brahrno Sa- maj focussed within itself all the progressive movements and tendencies in the country. From the very beginning the Samaj was influenced in its cultural outlook by West- ern science and thought, and wl1en the newly established British Government was in doubt as to what its educational policy should be-—whether it should promote indigenous culture exclusively or introduce Western culture—Raja Ram Mohon Roy took an unequivocal stand as the champion of Western culture. His ideas influenced Thomas Babington Macaulay when he wrote his famous Minute on Education4 and ultimately became the policy of the Government. With his prophet icvision, Ram Mohon had realised, long before any of his countrymen did, that India would have to assimi- late Western science and thought if she wanted to come into her own once again. The cultural awakening was not confined to the Brahmo Samaj, however. Even those who regarded the Brahmos as too heretical, revolutionary, or iconoclastic were keen about the revival of the indigenous culture of India. While the Brahmos and other progressive sections of the people replied to the challenge of the West by trying to assimilate all that was good in Western culture, the more orthodox circles responded by justifying whatever there was to be found in Hindu society and by trying to prove that 4 Macaulaycame to Calcutta as Law Member of the Governor General’s Council in the autumn of 1834. He was appointed President of the Committee of Public Instruction which he found divided into the Orientalist and English parties. On February 2, 1835, he submitted a Minute to the Governor General, Bentinck, supporting the English party which was adopted by the Government. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 24 BEFORE MY TIME all the discoveries and inventions of the West were known to the ancient sages of India. Thus the impact of the West roused even the orthodox circles from their self—compla- cency. There was a great deal of literary activity among them and they produced able men like Sasadhar Tarkachura1na- ni—but much of their energy was directed towards meeting the terrible onslaughts on Hindu religion coming from the Christian missionaries. In this there was common ground between the Brahmos and the orthodox Pundits, though in other matters there was no love lost between them. Out of the conflict between the old and the new, between the conservatives and the radicals, be- tween the Brahmos and the Pundits, there emerged a new type——the noblest embodiment of which was Pundit Iswar Chandra Vidyasagar. This new type of Indian stood for progress and for a synthesis of Eastern and estern cul- ture and accepted generally the spirit of reform which was abroad, but refused to break away from Hindu society or to go too far in emulating the West, as the Brahmos were inclined to do at first. Iswar Chandra Vidyasagar, for in- stance, was brought up as an orthodox Pundit, became the father of modern Bengali prose and a protagonist of West- ern science and culture, and was a great social reformer and philanthropist5—but till the last, he stuck to the simple and austere life of an orthodox Pundit. He boldly advocated the remarriage of Hindu widows and incurred the wrath of the conservatives in doing so——but he based his arguments mainly on the fact that the ancient scriptures approved of such a custom. The type which Iswar Chandra represented 5 Speaking of the Pundit, the poet Madhusudan Dutt, he origi- nator of blank verse in Bengali, once wrote-—”You are not merely the ocean of knowledge (vidyasagar means literally ‘the ocean of knowl- edge’) us people know you in WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 25 ultimately found its religious and philosophical expression in Ramakrishna Paramahansa (1834 -1886) and his worthy disciple, Swami Vivekanancla (1863-1902). Swami Vive- kananda died in 1902 and the religiophilosophical move- ment was continued through the personality of Arabindo Ghose (or Ghosh). Arabindo did not keep aloof from poli- tics. On the contrary, he plunged into the thick of it, and by 1908 became one of the foremost political leaders. In him, pirituality was wedded to politics. Arabindo retired from politics in 1909 to devote himself exclusively to religion; but spirituality and politics continued to be associated together in the life of Lokamanya B. G. Tilak (1856-1920) and Ma- hatma Gandhi (1869). This brief narrative will serve as a rough background to the contents of this book and will give some idea of the social environment which existed when my father was a student of the Albert School6 in Calcutta. Society was then dominated by a new aristocracy, which had grown up alongside of British rule, whom we should now call, in socialist parlance, the allics of British ‘Imperialism. This aristocracy was composed roughly of three classes or pro- fessions—(1) landlords, (2) lawyers and civil servants and (3) merchant-princes. All of them were the creation of the British, their assistance being necessary for carrying out the policy of administration-cum-exploitation. The landlords who came into prominence under British rule were not the semi-independent or autonomous chiefs of the feudal age, but mere tax-collectors who were useful to a foreign Government in the matter of collecting land-revenue and who had to be rewarded for their loyalty 6 Here he was a class-fellow of Sir P. C. Ray, the well-known chemist and philanthropist. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 26 BEFORE MY TIME during the Rebellion of 1857, when the existence of British rule hung by a thread. Though the new aristocracy dominated contemporary society and, as a consequence, men like Maharaja Jatindra Mohon Tagore and Raja Benoy Krishna Deb Bahadur were regarded by the Government as the leaders of society, they had little in the way of intellectual or moral appeal. That ap- peal was exercised in my father’s youth bymen like Keshav Chandra Sen and to some extent, Iswar Chandra Vidyasa- gar. Wherever the former went, crowds followed him. He was, indeed, the hero of the hour. The spiritual fervour of his powerful orations raised the moral tone of society as a whole and of the rising generations in particular. Like other students, my father, too, came under his magic influence, and there was a time when he even thought of a formal conversion to Brahmoism. In any case, Keshav Chandra undoubtedly had an abiding influence on my father’s life and character. Years later, in far-off Cuttack, portraits of this great man would still adorn the walls of his house, and his relations with the local Brahmo Samaj continued to be cordial throughout his life. Though there was a profound moral awakening among thc people during the formative period of my fa- ther’s life, I am inclined to think that politically the coun- try was still dead. It is significant that his heroes —Keshav Chandra and Iswar Chandra7—though they were men of the highest moral stature, were by no means anti—Govern- ment or anti-British. The former used to state openly that he regarded the advent of the British as a divine dispensation. 7 Both of them were educationists and, largely under their inspi- ration, u new type of teachers, possessing a high moral character, was produced. My father was also a teacher for some time and might have taken up teaching as a profession. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 27 And the latter did not shun contact with the Government or with Britishers as a ‘non—co—operator’ today would, though the keynote of his character was an acute sense of independence and self-respect. My father, likewise, though he had a high standard of morality, and influenced his fam- ily to that end, was not anti-Government. That was why he could accept the position of Government Pleader and Public Prosecutor, as well as a title from the Government. My father’s elder brother, Principal Devcndra Nath Bose, belonged to the same type. He was a man of unimpeachable character, greatly loved and respectcd by his students for his intellectual and moral attainments, but he was a Gov- ernment servant in the Education Department. Likewise, before my father’s time it was possible for Bankim Chandra Chatterji8 (1838-1894) to compose the “Bande Mataram9” song and still continue in Government service. And D.L. Roy10 could be a magistrate in the service of the Govern- ment and yet compose national songs which inspired the people. All this could happen some decades ago, because that was an age of transition, probably an age of political immaturity. Since 1905, when the partition of Bengal was effected in the teeth of popular opposition and indignation, a sharpening of political consciousness has taken place, leading to inevitable friction between the people and the Government. People are nowadays more resentful of what the Government does and the Government in its turn is more suspicious of what the people say or write. The old order has changed yielding place to new, and today it is no 8 One of the fathers of modern Bengali Literature. 9 One of the foremost Bengali dramutists and composer of na- tional songs~—father of Dilip Kumar Roy. He died in 1913. 10 Bande Mataram’ literally means ‘I salute themother’ (i.e. motherland). It is the nearest approach to India’s national 2 anthem. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 28 BEFORE MY TIME longer possible to separate morality from politics-to obey the dictates of morality and not land oneself in political trouble. The individual has to go through the experience of his race within the brief span of his own life, and I re- member quite clearly that I too passed through the stage of what I may call non-political morality, when I thought that moral development was possible while steering clear of politics———while complacently giving unto Caesar what is Caesar’s. But now I am convinced that life is one whole. If we accept an idea, we have to give ourselves wholly to it and to allow it to transform our entire life. A light brought into a dark room will necessarily illuminate every portion of it. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  CHAPTER FOUR AT SCHOOL (1) I was nearing my fifth birthday (January, 1902) when I was told I would be sent to school. I do not know how other children have felt in similar circumstances, but I was delighted. To sec your elder brothers and sisters dress and go to school day after day and be left behind at home simply because you are not big enough-not old enough—is a gall- ing experience. At least, so I had felt, and that is why I was overjoyed. It was to be a red-letter day for me. At long last I was going to join the grown—up respectable folks who did not stay at home except on holidays. We had to start at about 10 a.m. because the classes commenced exactly at 10 a.m. Two uncles of about the same age as myself were also to be ad- mitted along with myself. When we were all ready, we began to run towards the carriage which was to take us to school. Just then, as ill-luck would have it, I slipped and fell. I was hurt and, with a bandage round my head, I was ordered to bed. The rumbling of the carriage wheels grew fainter in the distance. The lucky ones had gone, but there I lay with dark- ness staring me in the face and my fond hopes dashed to the ground. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 30 AT SCHOOL (1) Twenty—four hours later I found solace.Ours was a missionary school1 meant primarily for European and Anglo—Indian boys and girls with a limited number of seats (about 15 per cent) for Indians. All our brothers and sisters had joined this school, and so I did. I do not know why our parents had selected this school, but I presume it was because we would master the English language better and sooner there than elsewhere, and knowledge of English had a premium in those days. I still remember that when I went to school I had just learnt the English alphabet and no more. How I managed to get along without being able to speak a word of English beats me now. I have not yet forgotten one of my first attempts at English. VVe had been given slate pencils and told to sharpen them before trying to write. Mine was done better than that of my uncle; so I pointed that out to our teacher by saying, “Ranendra mot2 I shor3”-- and thought that I had talked in English. Our teachers were Anglo—Indians (and mostly ladies) with the exception of the headmaster and headmistress, Mr and Mrs Young, who had come out from England. Most of our teach- ers we did not fancy. Some like Mr Young we feared, though we respected, for he was too liberal with his cane. Some like Miss Cadogan we tolerated. Others like Miss S. we posi- tively hated and would cry ‘Hurrah’ if she ever absented herself. Mrs Young we liked, but Miss Sarah Lawrence who was our first teacher in the Infant Class we loved. She had such a sympathetic understanding of the child’s mind that we were irresistibly drawn towards her. But for her, I doubt 1 Protestant European School (P. E. School) run by the Baptist Mission. 2 ‘Shoroo` in Bengali means ‘thin’ and ‘shor’ was a distortion of it. 3 Mota’ in Bengali means ‘thick’ and ‘mot’ was a distortion of it. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 31 if I would have got on so easily at a time when I was unable to express my self in English. Though the majority of the teachers and pupils were Anglo—Indians, the school was based on the English model and run on English lines, as far as Indian condi- tions would permit. There were certain things we did learn there which we would have missed in an Indian school. There was not that unhealthy emphasis on studies which obtains in Indian schools. Outside studies, more attention was given to deportment, neatness, and punctuality than is done in an Indian school. In the matter of studies, the students received more individual attention at the hands of their teachers and the daily work was done more regularly and systematically than is possible in an Indian school. The result was that practically no preparation was needed when an examination had to be faced. Moreover, the standard of English taught was much higher than that of Indian schools. But after giving due consideration and credit to all this, I doubt if I should today advise an Indian boy to go to such a school. Though there was order and system in the education that was imparted, the education itself was hardly adapted to the needs of Indian students. Too much importance was attached to the teaching of the Bible, and the method of teaching it was as unscientific as it was uninteresting. We had to learn our Bible lessons by heart whether we under- stood anything or not, as if we were so many priests memo- rizing the sacred texts. It would be no exaggeration for me to say that though we were taught the Bible day in, day out, for seven long years, I came to like the Bible for the first time several years later when I was in College. There is no doubt that the curriculum was so framed as to make us as English in our mental make—up as WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 32 AT SCHOOL (1) possible. We learnt much about the geography and history of Great Britain but proportionally little about lndia—-and when we had to negotiate Indian names, we did so as if we were foreigners. We started our Latin declensions— —‘bonus, bona, bonum’—rather early and did not have to be bothered about our Sanskrit declensions———‘Gajah, Gajow, Gajah’—till we had left the P. E. School. When it came to music, we had to train our ears to ‘Do, Ray, Me. Fah’ and not to ‘Sah, Ray, Gah, Mah’. The readers contained stories and anecdotes from English history or fairy tales which are current in Europe and there was not a word in them of Indian origin. Needless to add, no Indian language was taught4 and so we neglected our mother-tongue alto- gether until we joined an Indian School. It would be wrong to conclude from the above that we were not happy at school. On the contrary. During the first few years we were not conscious at all that the education imparted was not suited to Indian conditions. We eagerly learnt whatever came our way and fell completely in line with the school-system, as the other pupils did. The school had a reputation for turning out well-behaved boys and girls, and we tried to live up to it. Our parents, I think, were on the whole satisfied with our progress. With the school- authorities our stock was high, because the members of our family were generally at the top in whichever class they happened to be. Sports naturally came in for some amount of atten- tio11, but not as much as one would expect in a school run on English lines. That was probably due to the fact that our headmaster was not much of a sportsman himself. He was a unique personality in many ways and strong-willed-—and 4 believe there has been a change for the better in recent years. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 33 the stamp of his character was visible everywhere within the precincts of the school. He was a stern disciplinarian and a great stickler for good behaviour. In the Progress Report marks were given not only for the different subjects but also for (1) Conduct, (2) Deportment, (3) Neatness, (4) Punctuality. No wonder therefore that the boys and girls turned out were well-mannered. For misbehaviour or indiscipline, boys were liable to be flogged5 with a cane. but only two of the teachers had this authority-—the head- master and his worthy spouse. Mr Young had several idiosyncrasies, however, and many were the jokes we would have at his expense. He had an elder brother, a bachelor and a missionary with a venera- ble beard, who was exceedingly fond of children and would love to play with them. To distinguish our headmaster from his elder brother, we nicknamed him “Young Young”, the latter being called “Old Young”. Mr Young Young was very sensitive to cold and even on a warm day he would shut the windows lest the draught should come in. He would fre- quently warn us about the risk of catching cold and getting cholera therefrom. lf he ever felt out of sorts, he would take such a stiff dose of quininc as would make him almost deaf. After he had lived twenty years in the country, he could speak hardly a word in the local dialect and never eared to go in for sight-seeing or touring. If the caretaker forgot to put something on his table, Mr Young would ring for him, point to the thing wanted, but, unable to scold him in the local dialect, would content himself with glaring at him and 5 Nobody seemed to mind the caning which Mrs Young ad- ministered, for the boys usually came smiling out of her room. But the headmaster’s flogging was a different story altogether and there was hardly any boy who would not turn pale as he growled, “Go into my room, Sir”. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 34 AT SCHOOL (1) then muttering, “All this ought to have been done before”. If a messenger brought in a letter and Mr Young wanted to ask him to wait, he would run up to his wife, get the correct words from her, and go on repeating them till he was able to come out and throw them at the man. With all this our headmaster was a man who bore himself with dignity and poise and commanded our re- spect, though it was tinged with fear. Our headmistress was a motherly lady who was universally liked. And I must say that there was never any attempt to influence unduly our social and religious ideas. Things went on smoothly for some years and we seemed to have fitted into our milieu splendidly, but gradually there appeared a rift within the lute. Something happened which tended to differentiate us from our environment. Was it the effect of local causes or was it the echo of larger socio-political disturbances; that is a poser I shall not answer for the present. To some extent this differentiation was inevitable, but what was not inevitable was the conflict that arose out of it. We had been living in two distinct worlds and as our Young was very sensitive to cold and even on a warm day he would shut the windows lest the draught should come in. He would frequently warn us about the risk of catching cold and getting cholera therefrom. lf he ever felt out of sorts, he would take such a stiff dose of quininc as would make him almost deaf. After he had lived twenty years in the country, he could speak hardly a word in the local dialect and never eared to go in for sight-seeing or touring. If the caretaker forgot to put something on his table, Mr Young would ring for him, point to the thing wanted, but, unable to scold him in the local dialect, would content himself with glaring at him and then muttering, “All this ought to have been done WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 35 before”. If a messenger brought in a letter and Mr Young wanted to ask him to wait, he would run up to his wife, get the correct words from her, and go on repeating them till he was able to come out and throw them at the man. With all this our headmaster was a man who bore himself with dignity and poise and commanded our respect, though it was tinged with fear. Our headmistress was a motherly lady who was universally liked. And I must say that there was never any attempt to influence unduly our social and religious ideas. Things went on smoothly for some years and we seemed to have fitted into our milieu splendidly, but gradually there appeared a rift within the lute. Something happened which tended to differentiate us from our envi- ronment. Was it the effect of local causes or was it the echo of larger socio-political disturbances; that is a poser I shall not answer for the present. To some extent this differentiation was inevitable, but what was not inevitable was the conflict that arose out of it. We had been living in two distinct worlds and as our consciousness developed we began to realise slowly that these two worlds did not always match. There was, on the one hand, the influence of family and society which was India. There was, on the other, another world, another atmosphere, where we spent most of our working days, which was not England, of course, but a near approach to it. We were told that, because we were Indians, we could not sit for scholarship examinations, like Primary School and Middle School Examinations6, though in our annual exami- nations many of us were topping the class. Anglo- Indian boys could join the Volunteer Corps and shoulder a rifle, but we could not. Small incidents like these began to open 6 This was because Indian boys would carry away the scholar- ships. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 36 AT SCHOOL (1) our eyes to the fact that as Indians we were a class apart, though we belonged to the same institution. Then there would be occasional quarrcls between English (or Anglo- Indian) and Indian boys which would finish up with a box- ing bout7, in which sympathies would be mobilized along racial lines. The son of a very high Indian official who was a fellowstudent would organise matches between Indians and Europeans at his place, and those of us who could play well would join either side. I can also remember that we Indian boys talking among ourselves would sometimes say that we were fed up with the Bible and that for nothing in the world would we ever change our religion. Then there came the new regulations of the Calcutta University making Bengali a compulsory sub ject for the Matriculation, Intermediate and Degree Examinations and introducing other changes in the Matriculation curriculum. We were soon made to rea lise that the curriculum of the P. E. School did not suit us and that, unlike the other boys, we would have to begin anew the study of Bengali and Sanskrit when we joined an Indian school in order to prepare for the Matriculation Examina- tion. Last but not least, there was the influence of my elder brothers who had already left our school and were prepar- ing for the Matriculation, Intermediate and Degree Exami- nations and who spoke to us at home of a different world in which they moved about. It would be wrong to infer from the above that I was in revolt against my school—environment after I had been there some years. I was there for seven years, from 1902 to 1908, and was to all intents and purposes satisfied with my surroundings. The disturbing factors referred to above were passing incidents which did not affect the even tenor 7 In these bouts my uncles and some of my brothers always gave a good account of themselves. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 37 of our life. Only towards the end did I have a vague feeling unhappiness, of mal Adaptation8 to my environment and a strong desire to join an Indian school where, so I thought, I would feel more at home. And strangely enough, when in January, 1909, I shook hands with our headmaster and said good—bye to the school, the teachers and the students, I did so without any regret, without a moment ary pang. At the time, it was quite impossible for me to understand what had gone wrong with me. Only from this distance of time and with the help of an adult mind can I now analyse some of the factors that had been at work. So far as studies were concerned my record during this period was satisfactory, because I was usually at the top. But as I did badly in sports and did not play any part in the bouts that took place, and as studies did not have the importance which they have usually in an Indian school, I came to cherish a poor opinion of myself9 The feeling of insignificance——of diffidcnce—- to which I have referred before, continued to haunt me. Having joined the lowest standard I had probably got into the habit of looking up to others and of looking down upon myself. Considering everything, I should not send an Indian boy or girl to such a school now. The child will certainly suffer from a sense of maladaptation and from consequent unhappiness, especially if he or she is of a sensitive nature. I should say the same of the practice of sending Indian boys to public schools in England which prevailed and still pre- vails10 in certain aristocratic circles in India. For the same 8 It is possible that this feeling grew within me because I was too much of an introvert, as I have remarked at the end of the first chapter. 9 Perhaps this was responsible to some extent for the feeling of unhappiness to which I have referred in the preceding paragraph. 10 I am fortified in this view by what I saw of the Indian WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 38 AT SCHOOL (1) reason, I strongly condemn the move taken by certain In- dians to start Indian schools run by English teachers on the lines of English public schools. It is possible that some boys, for example those who are mentally extrovert, may not suf- fer from a feeling of maladaptation and may feel quite happy in such an environment. But introvert children are bound to suffer, and in that event the reaction against the system and all that it stands for is bound to be hostile. Apart from this psychological consideration, a system of education which ignores Indian conditions, Indian requirements, and Indian history and sociology is too unscientific to commend itself to any rational support. The proper psychological approach for a cultural rapprochement between the East and the West is not to force ‘English’ education on Indian boys when they are young, but to bring them into close personal contact with the West when they are developed, so that they can judge for themselves what is good and what is bad in the East and in the West. products of English public schools when I was a student at Cambridge. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  CHAPTER FIVE AT SCHOOL (2) It is strange how your opinion of yourself can be influ- enced by what others think of you. In January, 1909, when I joined the Ravenshaw Collegiate School, Cuttack, a sudden change came over me. Among European and Anglo-Indian boys my parentage had counted for nothing, but among our own people it was different. Further, my knowledge of English was above the ordinary level and that gave me an added estimation in the eyes of my new class-mates. Even the teachers treated me with undue consideration, because they expected me to stand first, and in an Indian school studies, and not sports, brought credit and reward. At the first quarterly examination I did justify the hopes placed in mc. The new atmosphere in which I lived and moved forced me to think better of myself that I was worth something and was not an insignificant creature. It was not a feeling of pride that crept into me but of self—confidence, which till then had been lacking and which is the sine qua non of all success in life. This time it was not the infant class which I joined but the fourth1 class——so I did not have to look up all 1 ln our time the numbering was different from what obtains WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 40 AT SCHOOL (2) the time. Boys of the fourth class considered themselves as belonging to one of the higher classes and moved about with an air of importance. So did I. But in one respect I was seriously handicapped in spite of all the other advan- tages I enjoyed. I had read hardly a word of Bengali—my mother—tongue——before I joined ’this school, while the other boys had already reached a high standard. I remem- ber that the first day I had to write an essay on ‘Cow’ (or was it ‘Horse’?), I was made the laughing-stock of all my class—mates. I knew nothing of grammar and precious little of spelling and when the teacher read out my compo- sition to the whole class with running comments, punctu- ated with laughter, flowing in from all sides, I felt humbled to the dust. I had never had this experience before—to be laughed at for deficiency in studies—and on top of it, I had lately developed a species of self-consciousness which had made me ultrasensitive. For weeks and months the Bengali lessons would give me the creeps. But for the time being, however acute the mental torture, there was nothing I could do but put up with the humiliation and secretly resolve to make good. Slowly and steadily I began to gain ground and at the annual examination I had the satisfaction of getting the highest marks in that subject. I enjoyed my new surroundings, the more so as I had longed for the change. At the other school, though I had been there for seven years, I had not left behind any friends. Here it looked as if I would enter into lasting friendship with at least some of my classmates. My friends were not of the sporting type because I did not take kindly to sports and only the drill lessons interested mc. Apart from my own lukewarmness, there was another obstacle to my taking now. For instance, formerly the first class was the top class in a High School. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 41 to sports enthusiastically. It was customary for the boys to return home after school—hours, have a light tiffin, and then go out for games. My parents did not like us to do that. Either they thought that sports would interfere with our studies or they did not regard the atmosphere of the playground as congenial to our mental health. Possibly the latter consideration weighed more with them. Be that as it may, the domestic situation was such that if we wanted to go out for games, we had to do it on the sly. Some of my broth- ers and uncles did do so and occasionally, when they were caught, were given a talking-to. But, knowing my parents’ habits, it was generally possible to dodge them, especially as they were in the habit of going out for a drive and walk. If I had had a strong desire like the others, I could easily have joined them at the games. But I did not. Moreover, I was then of a goody-goody nature and was busy devouring ethi- cal verses in Sanskrit. Some of these verses taught that the highest virtue consisted in obeying one’s father -that when one’s father was satisfied all the gods were satisfied2-—that one’s mother was even greater than one’s father etc., etc. I therefore thought it better not to do what would displease my parents. So I would take to gardening along with those who did not go out for games. We had a fairly big kitchen and flower garden adjoining our house and in company with the gardener we would water and tend the plants or do some digging or help lay out the beds. Gardening I found absorbingly interesting. It served, among other things, to open my eyes to the beauties of nature, about which I shall have something to say later on. Besides gardening, we would also go in for physical exercise and gymnastics for which there were arrangements at home. 2 Pitah Swargah, Pitah Dharmah, Pitahi Paramamtapah etc. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 42 AT SCHOOL (2) Looking back on my past life I feel inclined to think that I should not have neglected sports. By doing so, I prob- ably developed precoeity and accentuated my introvert ten- dencies. To ripen too early is not good, either for a tree or for a human being andOne has to pay for it in the long run. There is nothing to beat nature’s law of gradual develop- ment, and however much prodigies may interest us at first they generally fail to fulfil their early promise. For two years life rolled on in much the same way. Among the teachers and students there were both Bengalees and Oriyas and the relations between them were quite cordial. One did not hear in those days--at least we students did not hear-——of any ill-feeling or misunderstanding between the people of the two sister provinces. So far as the members of our family were concerned, we could never think or feel in terms of narrow parochialism or provincial- ism. For that we have to thank our parents. My father had extensive contacts with the people of Orissa, and intimate personal relations with many distinguished Oriya families. His outlook was consequently broad and his sympathies wide and they unconsciously influenced the rest of his fam- ily. I cannot remember ever to have heard from his lips one single disparaging remark about the people of Orissa—or for the matter of that about the people of any other prov- ince. Though he was never effusive in his emotions and was inclined to be reserved, he could endear himself to all those who came into contact with him wherever he happened to be at the time. Such parental influences work unobtrusively and only in later life can the children discover by a process of analysis what helped to mould their character or give their life a definite direction. Of the teachers there was one who left a permanent- WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 43 impression on my youthful mind. That was our headmaster, Babu Beni Madhav Das. The very first day I saw him taking his rounds-—and I was then just over twelve-—I felt what I should now call an irresistible moral appeal in his person- ality. Up till then I had never experienced what it was to respect a man. But for me, to see Beni Madhav Das was to adore him. I was not old enough then to realise what it was that I adored. I could only feel that here was a man who was not an ordinary teacher, who stood apart from, and above, the rest of his tribe. And I secretly said to myself that I wanted an ideal for my life, it should be to emulate him. Talking of an ideal, I am reminded of an expericncc I had when I was at the P.E. School. I was then about ten. Our teacher asked us to write an essay on what we would like to be when we would like to be when we were grown- up. My eldest brother was in the habit of giving us talks on the respective virtues of a judge, magistrate, commissioner, barrister, doctor, engineer, and so forth, and I had picked up odd things from what I had heard him say. I jumbled up as many of these as I still remembered and wound up by say- ing that I would be a magistrate. The teacher remarked that to be a magistrate after being a commissioner would be an anti-climax, but I was too young to understand the status of the different professions and designations. After that I had no occasion to be worried by the thought of what I should aspire to be in later life. I only remember hearing in talks within the family circle that the highest position one could get to was the Indian Civil Service3 The headmaster did not usually give any regular lessons till the boys reached the sec- ond class. So I began to long for the day when I would reach the second class and be entitled to listen to his lectures. That 3 I was then fourteen WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 44 AT SCHOOL (2) day did arrive4, but my good fortune did not last long. After a few months orders for his transfer came. However, before he left us he had succeeded in rousing in me a vague per- ception of moral values—an inchoate feeling that in human life moral values should count more than anything else. In other words he had made me feel the truth of what we had read in our Poetry Book-— “The rank is but the guinea’s stamp The man is the gold for all that.” And it was well that he had, for about this time the usual mental Changes—best described in scientific termi- nology as sex-consciousness——which are incidental to approaching puberty, began to overtake me. I remember vividly the parting scene when headmas- ter Beni Madhav took leave of his devoted and admiring pupils. He entered the class-room visibly moved and, in a voice ringing with emotion, said, “I have nothing more to say but invoke the blessings of God on you.... “ I could not listen any more. Tears rushed to my eyes and I cried out within myself. But a hundred eyes were on the alert and I managed to restrain myself. The classes were then dismissed and the boys began to file off. Passing near his room I sud- denly saw him standing in the verandah watching the boys depart. Our eyes met. The tears which I had managed to restrain within the class-room now began to flow. He saw them and was also moved. I stood paralysed for a moment and he came up to say that we would meet again. This was, I believe, the first time in my life that I had to weep at the time of parting and the first time I realised that only when we are forced to part do we discover how much we love.5 4 In those days it was nicknamed the heaven—born service. 5 I have had repeated demonstrations of this principle in later WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 45 The next day there was a public meeting organized by the staff and students to accord him a farewell. I was one of those who had to speak. How I got through my part I do not know, for internally I was all in tears. I was, however, pain- fully surprised to find that there were many among the staff and the students who did not realise at all what a sorrowful event it was. When the headmaster spoke in reply, his words seemed to pierce through my soul. I could hear only his opening words saying that he had never expected, when he first came to Cuttack, that there would be so much affection in store for him. Then I ceased to listen but continued to gaze at his impassioned countenance, which spoke volumes to me. There was an expression, a glow, therein-which I had seen in the portraits of Keshav Chandra Sen. And no wonder, since he was Keshav Chandra’s ardent disciple and devotee.6 It was now a different school altogether———so dull, uninteresting, and uninspiring——for a light that had hitherto shone there had vanished. But there was no help, the classes had to be attended, the lessons learnt, and the examinations taken. The wheel of life grinds on regard- less of our joys and sorrows. It is interesting how you can sometimes come nearer to a person when you have parted from him. This happened in the present ease. I started a correspondence with Headmaster Beni Madhav which went on for some years. One thing I now learnt from him-how to love nature and be inspired by her, not merely aesthetically, but ethically as well. Following his instructions, I took to what, in the absence of anything better, might be described as a species of nature-worship. I would choose a beauty-spot on the river-bank or on a hill or in a lonely meadow in the, life. 6 There is a saying in Sanskrit--”As you think, so you become” WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 46 AT SCHOOL (2) midst of an enchanting sunset-glow, and practise contem- plation. ‘Surrender yourself completely to nature’, he would write, ‘and let nature speak to you through her Protean mask’. This sort of contemplation had given him peace of mind, joy, and strength of will. How far I profited ethically from this effort I cannot say. But it certainly opened my eyes to the hidden and ne- glected beauties of nature and also helped me to concentrate my mind. In the garden, among flowers, sprouting leaves and growing plants, I would find an indescribable joy and I would love to ramble. alone or in the company of friends, amid the wild beauties of nature with which the countryside was so plentifully supplied. I could realise the truth of what the poet had said—— “A primrose by the river’s brim, A yellow primrose is to him. And it is something more.” wordsworth’s poems now had an added significance for me and I would simply revel in the descriptions of natu- ral scenery in Kalidas’s7 poetry and in the Mahabharata8 which, thanks to my Pundit, I could enjoy in the original Sanskrit. I was at this time entering on one of the stormiest periods in my psyehieal life which was to last for five or six years. It was a period of acute mental conflict causing untold suffering and agony, which could not be shared by any friends and was not visible to any outsider. I doubt if a growing boy normally goes through this expericnce——at 7 The greatest poet and dramatist of ancient India who wrote in Sanskrit. 8 The Mnlmbharata and Ramaymm are the two greatest epics of ancient WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 47 least I hope he does not. But I had in some respects a touch of the abnormal in my mental make—up. Not only was I too much of an introvert, but I was in some respects preco- cious. The result was that at an age when I should have been tiring myself out on the football field, I was brooding over problems which should rather have been left to a more ma- ture age. The mental conflict, as I view it from this distance, was a two-fold one. Firstly, there was the natural attraction of a worldly life and of worldly pursuits in general, against which my higher self was beginning to revolt. Secondly, there was the growth of sex-consciousness, quite natural at that age, but which I considered unnatural and immoral and which I was struggling to suppress or transcend. Nature-worship, as described above, was elevating and therefore helpful to a certain point, but it was not enough. What I required——and what I was unconsciously groping after--was a central principle, which I could use as a peg to hang my whole life on, and a firm resolve to have no other distractions in life. It was no easy job to discover this princi- ple or idea and then consecratc my life to it. My agony could have been terminated, or at least considerably mitigated, if I had either given in at the outset as so many have done, or had with one bold effort of the will fixed on an idea and hcroically brushed aside all other allurcments. But I would not give in—-there was something within which would not let me do so. I had therefore to fight on. And a stiff fight it was, because I was weak. For me the diflieulty was not about the determination of life`s goal so much as about concentrating my entire will to that single goal. Even after I had decided what was the most desirable object in life, it took me a long time to establish peace and harmony within myself by bring- ing under control contrary or rebellious WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 48 AT SCHOOL (2) tendencies, for though the spirit was willing the flesh was weak. A stronger will than mine would undoubtedly have managed things more easily. One day by sheer accident I stumbled upon what turned out to be my greatest help in this crisis. A relative of mine9, who was a new-comer to the town, was living next door and I had to visit him. Glancing over his books, I came across the works of Swami Vivekananda. I had hardly turned over a few pages when I realised that here was some- thing which I had been longing for. I borrowed the books from him, brought them home, and devoured them. I was thrilled to the marrow of my bones. My headmaster had roused my aesthetic and moral sense---had given a new im- petus to my life--but he had not given me an ideal to which I could give my whole being. That Vivekananda gave me. For days, weeks, months I pored over his works. His letters as well as his speeches from Colombo to Almora, re- plete as they were with practical advice to his countrymen, inspired me most. From this study I emerged with a vivid idea of the essence of his teachings. “Atmano Mokshartham Jagaddhitaya”—for your own salvation and for the service of humanity-—that was to be life’s goal. Neither the selfish monasticism of the middle ages, nor the modern utilitari- anism of Bentham and Mill, could be a perfect ideal. And the service of Humanity included, of course, the service of one’s country-—for, as his biographer and his chief disciple, Sister Nivedita, pointed out,10 “The queen of his adoration was his motherland.. There was not a cry within her shores that did not find in him a responsive echo.” The Swami himself in one of his passionate utterances had said, “Say 9 S. C. M 10 See her book, The Master as 1 Sam Him. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 49 brothers at the top of your voice—the naked Indian, the illiterate Indian, the Brahman Indian, the Pariah Indian is my brother.” Talking of the future, he had remarked that the Brahman (religious caste), the Kshatriya (warrior caste) and the Vaisya (trader caste) each had had their day and now came the turn of the Sudras, the down-trodden masses. To the ancient scriptures he had given a modern interpreta- tion. Strength, strength, is what the Upanishads‘11 say, he had often declared; have faith (shraddha) in yourselves as Nachiketa’12 of old had. To some idle monks he had turned round and said, “Salvation will come through football and not through the Gita.’’’13 I was barely fifteen when Vivekananda entered my life. Then there followed a revolution within and everything was turned upside down. It was, of course, a long time be- fore I could appreciate the full significance of his teachings or the greatness of his personality, but certain impressions were stamped indelibly on my mind from the outset. Both from his portraits as well as from his teachings, Vivekanan- da appeared before me as a fullblown personality. Many of the questions which vaguely stirred my mind, and of which I was to become conscious later on, found in him a satisfac- tory solution. My headmaster’s personality ceased to be big enough to serve as my ideal. I had previously thought of studying philosophy as he had done and of emulating him. Now I thought of the path which Vivekananda had indi- cated. From Vivekananda I turned gradually to his 11 The son of one of the ancient sages of India. 12 The Upanishads are the philosophical portion of the ancient scriptures, the Vedas. 13 The Gita or Bhagavad Gita contains the essence of Hindu philosophy and may be regarded as the Bible of the Hindus. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 50 AT SCHOOL (2) master, Ramakrishna Paramahansa. Vivekananda had made speeches, written letters, and published books which were available to the layman. But Ramakrishna, who was almost an illiterate man, had done nothing of the kind. He had lived his life and had left it to others to explain it. Neverthe- less, there were books or diaries published by his disciples which gave the essence of his teachings as learnt from conversations with him. The most valuable element in these books was his practical direction regarding character-build- ing in general and spiritual uplift in particular. He would repeat unceasingly that only through renun ciation was realisation possible—that without complete self—abnega- tion spiritual development was impossible to acquire. There was nothing new in his teaching, which is as old as Indian civilisation itself, the Upanishads having taught thousands of years ago that through abandonment of worldly desires alone can immortal life be attained. The effectiveness of Ramakrishna’s appeal lay, however, in the fact that he had practised what he preached and that, according to his disci- ples, he had reached the acme of spiritual progress. The burden of Ramakrishna’s precepts was-- renounce lust and gold. This two-fold renunciation was for him the test of a man’s fitness for spiritual life. The complete con- quest of lust involved the sublimation of the sex-instinct, whereby to a man every woman would appear as mother. I was soon able to get together a group of friends (besides my relative S.C.M.) who became interested in Ramakrishna and Vivekananda. At school and outside, whenever we had a chance, we would talk of nothing else but this topic. Gradually we took to long walks and excur- sions which would give us greater opportunities for meeting and discussion. Our numbers began to swell and we had a WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 51 welcome acquisition in a young student14 with a spiritual bent of mind who could sing devotional songs with deep fervour. At home and abroad we began to attract attention. That was inevitable because of our eccentricities. Stu- dents did not, however, venture to ridicule us, because our prestige was high, as some of us occupied the top places at school. But such was not the case at home. My parents noticed before long that I was going out frequently in the company of other boys. I was questioned, warned in a friendly manner, and ultimately rebuked. But all to no pur- pose. I was rapidly changing and was no longer the goody- goody boy afraid of displeasing his parents. I had a new ideal before me now which had inflamed my soul—to effect my own salvation and to serve humanity by abandoning all worldly desires and breaking away from all undue restraints. I no longer recited Sanskrit verses inculcating obedience to one’s parents; on the contrary, I took to verses which preached defiance15 I doubt if I have passed through a more trying period in my life than now. Ramakrishna’s example of renunciation and purity entailed a battle royal with all the forces of the lower self. And Vivekananda’s ideal brought me into conflict with the existing family and social order. I was weak, the fight was a longdrawn one in which success was not easy to obtain, hence tension and unhappiness with oc- casional fits of depression. It is difficult to say which aspect of the conflict was more painful——the external or the internal. A stronger or less sensitive mind than mine would have come out 14 H. M. S. 15 You, Divine Mother, are my only refuge--neither father nor mother:neither friend nor brother, etc.” WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 52 AT SCHOOL (2) successful more quickly or suffered much less acutely than I did. But there was no help, I had to go through what was in store for me. The more my parents endeavoucd to restrain me, the more rebellious I became. When all other attempts failed, my mother took to tears. But even that had no ef- fect on me. I was becoming callous, perhaps eccentric, and more determined to go my own way, though all the time I was feeling inwardly unhappy. To defy my parents in this way was contrary to my nature and to cause them pain was disagreeable, but I was swept onwards as by an irresistible current. There was very little appreciation or understanding at home of what I was dreaming at the time, and that added to my misery. The only solace was to be found in the com- pany of friends and I began to feel more at home when away from home. Studies began to lose their importance for me and, but for the fact that for years I had studied hard, I would have gone under. The only thing that now mattered to me was mental or spiritual exercise. I had no proper guide at the time and turned to books for such help as they could afford me. Only later did I realise that not all of these were written by reliable or experienced men. There were books on Brah- macharya or sex-control, which were readily made use of. Then there were books on meditation which were greedily devoured. Books on Yoga and especially Hatha-Yoga16 were eagerly hunted after and utilised. And, over and above this, all kinds of experiments were made. A faithful narration of all that I went through would sufice to make a first-class 16 Yoga means literally “Union” (with Godhead). The word “Yoga” is used, however, to indicate not merely the goal but also the means. Yogic practice has two branches—”Raja—Yoga” and “Hatha- Yoga”. “Raja-Yoga” is concerned with the control of the mind and “Hatha Y0ga” with that of the body. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 53 entertainment. Small wonder that some thought that I was on the verge of lunacy. The first time I resolved to sit down in the Yogic fash- ion, the problem was how to do it without being seen and how to face ridicule should I be discovered during the act. The best thing was to attempt it in the dark after sunset, and so I did. But I was ultimately seen one day and there was a titter. One night while I was meditating in secret, the maid happened to come in to make the bed and bumped against me in the dark. Imagine her surprise when she found that she had knocked against a lump of flesh. Concentration was practised in many ways. A black circle was made in the centre of a white background and the eyes were brought to stare fixedly at it till the mind became a perfect blank. Gazing at the blue sky was occa- sionally practised, and what beat everything was staring at the scorching mid-day sun with eyes wide open. Self—mor- tification of various kinds was also resorted to———for instance, eating simple vegetarian food, getting up in the early hours of the morning, hardening the body to heat and cold, etc. Much of this had to be done with as little publicity as possible, whether at home or outside. One of Ramakrishna’s favourite maxims was: practise contemplation in a forest or in a quiet corner, in your house or in your own mind, so that none may observe you. The only people who may know of it are fellow-devotees or fellow-Yogis. After we had practised for some time what we considered to be Yoga, we began to compare notes. Ramakrishna had often referred to the inner psychic experiences, including extraordinary powers, which would come one’s way as he progressed along the spiritual path and had warned his disciples against WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 54 AT SCHOOL (2) feeling elated over them or indulging in self-advertisement or self-enjoyment of any sort. These psychic experiences and powers had to be transcended if one wanted to reach the higher regions of spiritual consciousness. Even after some months’ effort I found that I could not lay claim to any such experience. I had a feeling of confidence, and more peace of mind and self-control than before, but that was about all. Perhaps this is due to the want of a Guru (precep- tor), hought I, since people say that Yoga cannot be prac- tised without a Guru. So began my search for a Guru. In India those who have given up the world and consecrated their whole life to spiritual effort sometimes adopt the life of a traveller (Paribrajak) or undertake an all-India pilgrimage. It is therefore not difficult to find them in the vicinity of holy places like Hardwar, Benares, Puri (or J agannath) or Rameswaram. Owing to its proximity to Puri, Cuttack also attracted a large number of them. These monks 17are of two classes-- those who belong to sonic organisation, ‘Ashrama’ or ‘Muth’, and those who are entirely free, have no organisation behind them, and hate to get entangled in any way. Our group———for by now we had a definite group——became interested in all the Sadhus who happened to visit the town, and if any member got informa- tion about any such visitor, he would pass it on to the rest. 17 Also called Sannynsis, Sadhus or fakirs, though fakirs are generally Mohammedans by religion. These must be distinguished from priests. Among the Hindus, priests are an integral part of society. They are Brahmanss and are generally married. They perform religious and social ceremonies for the ordinary householder. Sadhus, on the other hand, renounce caste and all their family relationship when they take holy orders. They do not as a rule perform religious or social ceremo- nies for householders. Their sole function is to show to others the path of spiritual progress. They may be regarded as outside the pale of social contentions. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 55 Various were the types whom we visited, but I must say that those of the hermit type were more likable. They would not care to have any disciples and would spurn money in any form. If they wanted to instruct anybody in Yoga, they would prefer those who like themselves had no worldly attachment at all. The Sadhus who belonged to an organi- sation or were themselves married men did not appeal to me. They would generally search for disciples among men of wealth and position who, when recruited, would be an acquisition to their organisation. Once there came an old Sannyasi, more than ninety years old, the head of a well-known Ashrama of all-India repute, one of whose disciples was a leading medical practi- tioner of the town. It soon became the rage to visit him and we too joined the crowd. After doing obeisance to him we took our seats. He was very kind to us——in fact, affection- ate—and we were drawn towards him. Some hymns were recited by his disciples to which we respectfully listened. At the end we were given printed copies of his teachings and were advised to follow them. We inwardly resolved to do so—at least I did. The first item was—eat neither fish nor flesh nor eggs. Our family diet was non-vegetarian, and it was not possible to adhere to vegetarian food without com- ing in for criticism and perhaps opposition. Nevertheless, I obeyed the mandate despite all obstruction. The second item was daily recitation of certain hymns. That was easy. But the next item was formidable—the practice of submis- siveness to one’s parents. We had to begin the day by doing obeisance (pranam) to our parents. The difficulty about doing this was a two-fold one. Firstly, there was never any practice to do daily obeisance to our parents. Secondly, I had passed the stage when I believed that obedience to WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 56 AT SCHOOL (2) one’s parents was in itself a virtue. I was rather in a mood to defy every obstacle to my goal, no matter from what source it came. However, with a supreme effort of the will, I mastered myself and marching straight to my father in the morning, I made obeisance as instructed by my preceptor18 I can still recall the scene—how my father was taken aback at this unexpected sight. He asked me what was the matter, but without uttering a word I marched back after doing my duty. Up till now I have not the faintest notion of what he or my mother (who also had to undergo the same experience) thought of me at the time. It was nothing less than a torture every morning to muster sufficient strength of mind to go up to my parents and do obeisace to them. Members of the family or even servants must have wondered what had made the rebellious boy suddenly so submissive. Little did they know perhaps that behind this phenomenon was the hand of a Sadhu. After some weeks, perhaps months, I began to ques- tion myself as to what I had gained from the above practice and, not being satisfied with the reply, I gave it up. I went back to the teachings of Ramakrishna and Vivekananda. No realisation without renunciation ——I told myself again. It would be a mistake to conclude that my conception of a religious life was restricted to the practice of individu- alistic Yoga. Though for some time I went crazy over Yogie exercise, it slowly dawned on me that for spiritual develop- ment social service was necessary. The idea came probably from Vivekananda for, as I have indicated above, he had preached the ideal of the service of humanity which includ- ed the service of one’s country. But he had further enjoined on everyone to serve the poor, for according to him God 18 Another friend of mine, H.M.S., kept me company in this. WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM  AN INDIAN PILGRIM 57 often comes to us in the form of the poor and to serve the poor is to worship God. I remember that I became very lib- eral with beggars, fakirs, and Sadhus, and whenever any of them appeared before our house, I helped them with what- ever came within my reach. I derived a peculiar satisfaction from the act of giving. Before I was sixteen I had my first experience of what may be glorified with the appelation of village reconstruc- tion work. we went to a village in the outskirts of the town with the object of attempting some service. We entered the village primary school and did some teaching. By the teach- ers and the villagers in general we were warmly welcomed and we felt greatly encouraged. We then proceeded to another village but met with a sad experience there. When we entered the village, the villagers who had seen us from a distance collected in a body and as we advanced, they began to retreat. It was diflicult to get at them or to talk to them as friends. We were shocked to find that we were regarded not only as strangers but as suspicious characters or enemies, and it did not take us long to understand that whenever well-dressed men had come into the village they must have done so as tax-collectors or in some similar capacity, and had behaved in such manner as to create this gulf between the villagers and ourselves. A few years later, I was to have a similar experience in some other villages in Orissa. It would be correct to say that, as long as I was at school, I did not mature politically, though in other mat- ters I was inclined to be precocious. This was due partly to my innate proclivity which pointed in a different direction, partly to the fact that Orissa was a political backwater, and partly to lack of inspiration within the family circle. Oc- casionally I did hear about the affairs of the Congress from WWW.HINDUSTANBOOKS.COM 58 AT SCHOOL (2) my elder brothers, but that did not make any impression on me. The first bomb thrown in 1908 created a stir every- where and we too were momentarily interested. At the P. E. School where I then was, our headmistress condemned the throwing of bombs. The matter was soon forgotten how- ever. About the same time processions used to be brought out in the town to condemn the partition of Bengal and to propagate the cause of Swadeshi (Home industry). They occasioned a mild interest, but politics was tabooed in our house—so we could not take part in any political activ- ity. Our interest sometimes found expression in peculiar ways such as cutting out pictures of revolutionaries from the papers and hanging them up in our study. One day we had a visitor, a relative of ours and a police officer, who saw these pictures and complained to my father, with the result that before we returned from school tl1e pictures were all removed, much to our chagrin. Up till December 191