Lecture 2.docx

We want to pick up from where we left off in our last class period together and we were talking about what is it that Satan knows? Because we had talked about the fact that the Scripture tells us, makes it very clear that our real enemy in this war is Satan. As Ephesians 6 says, it tells us that...

We want to pick up from where we left off in our last class period together and we were talking about what is it that Satan knows? Because we had talked about the fact that the Scripture tells us, makes it very clear that our real enemy in this war is Satan. As Ephesians 6 says, it tells us that we don\'t wrestle against flesh and blood, but we wrestle against the spiritual forces of darkness. We have an adversary, as Peter says there in 1 Peter 5.8, and that Satan is very active. Satan has declared war on the family and focuses much of his attention on the family because he knows how important the family is. We said first of all that Satan knows that because the family is the basic building block of every other social unit or institution that it is key to God\'s plan in our day and age. We also know that Satan knows that because the command to multiply, replenish and fill the earth was given to a family unit. How critical that is in Genesis 1 and verse 28. That information is to God\'s plan and His redemption. Thirdly, we know that Satan knows that because the family is unique and irreplaceable in God\'s program as well. He will bring along all kinds of opposition against the family. He will do everything he can to redefine the family. That brought us to one of the last points that we dealt with in our last section. The family is of utmost importance to God\'s program because God starts His revelation to man with extended teaching about marriage and the family. He starts His revelation to man with extended teaching about marriage and the family. We can see this in Genesis chapter 1, Genesis chapter 2, Genesis chapter 3, Genesis chapter 4. The first four chapters of Genesis is all about one family. One husband and wife relationship with two children, two boys, Cain and Abel, Adam and Eve. One family. The first family. That\'s where God starts His revelation. Furthermore, Satan knows that the family is of utmost importance to God\'s program because everything else grows out of the family and is dependent upon the family. When you think about how many things in your life the way that you live, right down to the things that you eat, the way that you dress, the attitudes you have about life, the older you grow, the more you realize how absolutely dependent upon your family you were in adopting those attitudes about life and about things. You find yourself saying the same thing your father said or your mother said. You say, oh my goodness, I\'m being just like my mother. Being just like my father. I can hear my father speaking through those words. Your whole attitude and perspective on life is driven by that. They made a profound impact on you. But Satan understands that. If he can disrupt that particular process, he can do a lot to disrupt what God\'s plan is here on earth. F in your notes. He also knows that the family is of utmost importance to God\'s program because distortion and deficiencies in our families will produce distortions and deficiencies in every other human institution. My wife at this particular time is serving on a jury. And I\'m not allowed to say what the court case is about at this point, but it\'s a very, very serious court case. And it has to do with a breakdown in a family. A breakdown in a family. A major breakdown in a family. And now this has affected society at large. When there\'s a breakdown in a family, it affects society. It affects the court system. It brings the law into play. Now judges are involved. Lawyers are involved. Other social institutions within the state and the federal government is involved. All of these things. And there\'s a breakdown in the family. There is a breakdown in society at large. There\'s an effect upon it. As the family goes, so goes society, we would say. And Satan understands that. And so if he can disrupt the family, he can also disrupt society as well. G in your notes. Satan also knows that the family is of utmost importance to God\'s program because God uses the family as a means of reflecting the communicable aspects of his nature. Who\'s nature? It\'s God\'s nature. The communicable aspects of his nature. Now you\'ve talked about this in systematic theology before. In systematic theology there are incommunicable aspects of God. In other words, there are things that aspects of God and his personhood that we will never be. We will never be omniscient. Only God is omniscient. We will never be omnipresent. Only God is omnipresent. We will never be omnipotent. Only God is all powerful. We\'ll never be that way. Those are incommunicable attributes of God. But there are communicable attributes of God. God is holy. And to a degree, we are to be holy. We are to be holy like him. While we walk this earth, we will never be perfectly holy. But God is perfectly holy and to some degree, while even in our sinful flesh, we can walk holy. The Bible expects us to. God is a God of love. He loves. That\'s part of his personhood. God is not the force of Star Wars out there in the universe. There are personal attributes to his character. He loves. A force doesn\'t love. God loves. And we can love. That\'s part of his communicable attributes. God is a jealous God. Only his jealousy is absolutely backed up with a pure holiness. Well in a similar way, we can become jealous as well. Like God is jealous. Hopefully in a good way. We\'re jealous for righteousness sake. In that way. Now our own sinful depravity can twist that jealousy into a sinful form of jealousy. Agreed. But that\'s one of the communicable attributes of God. Well you can see this in several aspects because like him, the Bible says, we have his image. In the image of God he created man, male and female he created them. That means both the man and the woman in their gender distinctiveness both possess the image of God. It\'s not a physical image because God is not a physical God. God is spirit. But it is an image that has to do with personal attributes. The animals do not bear the image of God even though there are some animals that are more intelligent than other animals. Man is not an animal. And what the basic characteristic that separates him from the animal world and from the animal kingdom is the fact that man bears the image of God. Now secular science would reject this. Good science, that is, science that is built upon what the scripture says would back that up. So we bear the image of God. Genesis 1.27. In fact I want you to take your Bible and take a look at that for a moment. Because there is actually in the Hebrew behind the English here, in the Hebrew language there is a play on singular and plural that happens in verse 26. It says, Then God said, Let us plural make man singular in our plural image singular according to our plural likeness singular and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. God created man, verse 27, in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female he created them. Now verse 27 gives that gender distinctiveness. And so the genders were created to complement one another. Verse 26 tells us how when it says let us make man, it is not a reference to the angels because the angels are not creating, only God is creating. Most theologians believe that this is actually a reference to the earliest reference we have to the Trinity. So God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, we have seen earlier where the Spirit of God in verse 2 of Genesis 1 is moving upon the surface of the water. And so we have God the Father and God the Spirit involved here. But there is the Trinity, later on we find out in Hebrews chapter 1 and verse 2 that Jesus Christ was a part of the creation of the world, we understand that. So the Trinity was involved here, God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. Let us plural, God is three persons and yet one God. Three persons, co-equal, co-eternal and yet one God. Let us make man, man here is singular, singular form, in our plural image singular. So there is a plurality to God and yet we as Christians are still monotheistic according to our likeness. So we could say something like this, that God in relationship creates man in relationship with gender distinctiveness, male and female. Essentially brought together as one, we know that later on in Genesis chapter 2 and verse 24, they shall become one flesh, the scripture says, brought together as one and yet two different genders, male gender and a female gender. So there is God in relationship creating man in relationship, male and female he creates them in his own image. Wow. In the image of God he creates them. Now Satan understands this, man bears the image of God and that image is no better reflected than in the plurality of heterosexuality and yet the essential unity of marriage. The relationship of marriage no better reflects the unity and plurality of the Godhead than anything else and Satan understands that. If he can disrupt that relationship and destroy it, the picture that God has intended for of himself is now distorted and it is now destroyed in the eyes of man. God in relationship creates man in relationship, male and female he creates them and if Satan can destroy that relationship in terms of the image of God then he distorts the picture of who God is. There is then within this Godhead an essential unity and yet diversity in a similar way in the marital relationship there is an essential unity and yet there is a diversity of gender and that\'s good. Third there is also an independence and an interdependence. All three persons of the Godhead are distinctive, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit and yet there is an interdependence among them which sometimes in systematic theology is called the economical aspect of the Trinity where Jesus submits himself to the Father and the Spirit submits himself to the bidding of Jesus Christ so there is a functional subordination within the Godhead and hence an interdependence between them and yet there\'s a distinctiveness of personhood. In a similar way in marriage there is a independence male and female and yet there is an interdependence for the procreation and propagation of the human race that has to be there. Heterosexual and lesbian relationships will never ever express the unity and diversity or the independence and interdependence of the heterosexual relationship. It is not reflective of the Godhead and it destroys that picture. Fourth there is an equality and subordination as I\'ve already alluded to just as there are within the Trinity so there is within man. You can see this reflected not only in the marital relationship of on the one hand there\'s an essential quality between the male and female on the other hand there\'s a functional subordination and it\'s funny how even homosexual and lesbian relationships reflect this because there is usually a male or leader in a homosexual relationship and someone who of the same sex who takes on the female role who is more subordinate. Same thing is true in lesbian relationships there is someone who takes on the male role and there\'s someone who takes on the female role in those particular relationships. Someone who\'s more dominant and someone who is a little bit less dominant and more passive in the relationship. So even in that distortion of what God intended to be they\'re still reflecting God\'s original order. There\'s an equality and there is a subordination in the Trinity and there\'s an equality and subordination within the husband and wife relationship and marriage as well. You can see this in parents relationship to children. Parents or children are not somehow more equal to each other but the parents have the authority in the relationship. You can see this in elders in relationship to the church. Elders are not more important than anybody else at church and yet the rest of the church is supposed to have a submissive role in following the leadership of biblically appointed elders. So in the human domain there is this equality and subordination as reflected in the Godhead as well. Furthermore in that distinctive relationship you also have creativity. Let us make man. There\'s that creativity. Genesis 1 26. Let us make man. I list for you here in your notes John chapter 1 and verse 3 and there you remember this is talking about the main focus is Jesus who has become flesh but it says there in the Gospel of John all things came into being through him and apart from him nothing came into being that has come into being. Who is it talking about? That is the Word being Christ. The Word was with God and the Word was God. Verse 14 says the Word became flesh and dwelt among us and we saw his glory the glory as of the only begotten of the Father full of grace and truth. So it\'s Jesus Christ who is a part of creating this world. God is creative. In the same way when you have a husband and wife relationship and their gender distinctiveness coming together then that usually results in creative propagation of progeny children. So there is an essential creativity that occurs in the husband and wife relationship. Satan understands that as well. Furthermore there is fellowship. This is what God said in Genesis chapter 2 and verse 18 it was not good that man be alone I will make a helper suitable for him. The primary reason that Eve was created was not to be a baby factory. The primary reason that Eve was created was because Adam was alone. So there is intentionality of fellowship that is supposed to go on there. We can see the same thing reflected in John 17 20 and 21. So Satan understands that the family is of utmost importance to God\'s program because God uses the family as a means of reflecting the communicable attributes of his nature. Wow. We understand God better when we view the proper Christian family. We understand God better. It communicates to us significant parts of his attributes. Now that is not all that Satan understands. Satan also understands in this battle and warfare that the family is of utmost importance to God\'s program because God uses the family as a means of reflecting the nature of his relationship with his people. In fact God calls himself the husband of Israel. We can see this in Hosea. Here is the prophet Hosea and his wife Gomer. It is the husband and wife relationship that depicts God\'s relationship with his people. Hosea is representing God in this sense. His wife Gomer is representing the people of Israel. His wife Gomer is an adulteress. She is selling herself out as a prostitute. Much the same way that the people of Israel were selling themselves out as a prostitute. God says to Hosea, I want you to go and be a husband to her. So God now depicts himself as a husband in relationship with his people. We understand God better. We understand that relationship better. We understand what happens with God as a grieving husband with a rebellious wife. We understand what is going on there because the people of Israel were so rebellious. We can also see that in the New Testament as well. There in Ephesians 5 verses 22 through 33, husbands that are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Christ is the husband, the church is the bride. Husbands are supposed to love their wives in a similar way. We can see it in Revelation 19.9. The marriage supper of the lamb where the bride, which is the church, comes together with the husband, which is Jesus Christ, finally wedded together. We can also see this in the father-child relationship. There\'s another depiction. This is carried through with God referring to himself as the father and the people of Israel as his children, the children of Israel. That\'s where that phrase comes from. For Jesus himself being a father-like figure to the people that are a part of his church, Romans 8, 12 through 17, 2 Corinthians 6, 18, John 1, 12, 1 John 3, 16. We can see that father-child relationship. So the family now is used as a picture of God\'s relationship to his people. Satan understands that. Satan knows that. Furthermore, Satan also understands that the family is of utmost importance to God\'s program because of the Bible\'s teaching about the negative impact that an ungodly family member can have on other family members. Wow. You can see this in several different situations in Scripture or examples that are given in Scripture, real-life examples. Let\'s grab our Bible for a moment. Let\'s go over to Exodus 20 and verse 5. Here we have the Decalogue or the Ten Commandments. In verse 5 it says, You shall not worship them, you shall not serve them, for I am the Lord your God and am a jealous God visiting iniquities of the fathers and their children and on the third and fourth generation of those who hate me. That\'s a negative impact. You can see that there. Or if you go to Joshua 7, there\'s the example of Achan and how Achan stole. He directly disobeyed God. He hid what he stole underneath his tent, the floor of his tent, supposedly so that people wouldn\'t find it, but God understand and God knew. He judged him and his whole family was brought into this betrayal. And as a result of that, his whole family was judged. The negative impact that one member of a family can have upon another member. We can go over to Proverbs 21 and verse 9. It is better to live in the corner of a roof than in the house shared with a contentious woman. So a woman who decides to be very contentious in her marriage and in her household makes life extremely miserable for people to live. That\'s hard to live with such a person. The shoe could be easily put on the other foot too. A contentious man can be a very difficult person to live with and make life every day almost unbearable. Or look down at verse 19, same chapter, where he says it is better to live in a desert land than live with a contentious and vexing woman. Better to live in a desert land than live that way. Have you ever been in the desert? A couple years ago we were in Israel and we went down the Negev and the bus driver stopped for a little while and let us get out. Our tour guide, one of the profs of Ibex took us out on a little hike into the desert and we sat there in the scorching heat and a little bit of shade but it was beastly hot out there. And after a little while we were all craving the air conditioning of the bus. And all that kept going through my mind was the people of Israel spent 40 years out here. And it\'s hard for me to bear 45 minutes. Much less 40 years. My land. That certainly would test you but God called that a testing ground for them. And they grumbled and they complained and they tested God and they tested his patience. Wow. I probably would have been one of the first to grumble and complain. I hope not. But after just 45 minutes in the desert, well, here living with a very contentious and vexing woman is very similar to that. It\'s just miserable to live that way. Or you could again put you on the other foot. You could say the same thing about a contentious and vexing man. I know of a lot of guys who are very, very vexing. I\'ve had to counsel a lot of Christian wives who have to live with some pretty horrible husbands in a similar way. So the negative impact that an ungodly family member can have on another family member is huge. It\'s just huge. Well, furthermore, we\'ve got Ephesians chapter six and verse four. You remember that particular passage because that deals with a father in relationship to his children. Ephesians six, verse four. fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. The word for anger is paroogizomai, which is a word that means to make angry. In fact, it\'s used in the present active imperative. That is a father who in a sense brings his child along to a deep seated anger. There\'s a preposition that\'s used here in compound here with this. So it indicates an ongoing type of direction. This is the way this treatment is. It\'s an ongoing treatment of a man towards his children. And the negative with the present imperative says, don\'t bring your child up in this angry or we could translate it exasperated type of lifestyle. So it\'s to prevent an habitual action. Maybe you\'ve seen fathers that are that way where they\'re constantly poking at their kids, maybe not physically or verbally. Maybe they\'re doing it verbally. They always say hurtful little things that are meant to sound funny. But wow, you\'re really stupid, aren\'t you? You\'re dumb. You\'re an idiot. You\'re the most clumsy person I\'ve ever seen in my life. When a kid grows up with that kind of thing where he\'s getting all kinds of verbal jabs, that\'s bringing your child up in an angry, exasperated lifestyle. It provokes anger in the child. And so that child lives with a constant subset of anger in his heart towards that father. And he hates it. Later on turns on his father or causes him to\... Now some fathers twist this in the back of their head. They think, I\'m just teaching my kid to grow up tough, which is a real twisted thing. Well, that kid\'s going to be tough, but that kid\'s going to be wicked tough, not righteously tough. That kid\'s going to explode in anger. This is the type of kid that will purposely go around and hurt other people. You bring up a kid with that way, present, active, imperative, you\'re constantly making him angry by the things that you do or the words that you say. Then there\'s going to be a reaction at some particular point. You can see the same thing in Colossians chapter three and verse 21. Let\'s go over to Colossians 3 21. It says, fathers do not exasperate your children. There it is. So that they will not lose heart. The word here to lose heart means that they\'ve given up hope. They\'ve lost hope that anything is ever going to change in life. They have been the type of kids who have had their hopes removed and dispelled. They are sad kids who are given to depression. Or it may result in overt rebellion, or it may result in a passive form of rebellion. But there\'s that exasperated lifestyle. Colossians 3 21. A child who\'s lost heart. There\'s nothing left. For him, life is nothing but emptiness because the father has done nothing but irritate that child for years. Maybe some of you grew up in households like that. Maybe your father was that way. You grew up with a father who was not a believer. He provoked you all the time. Maybe your father was a professing believer and he still provoked you. That is a miserable way to grow up. It\'s a horrible way to grow up. Satan understands that. He understands that certain family members can have negative impacts. There can be ungodly husbands, or ungodly wives, or ungodly children, or ungodly parents that can have negative impacts upon other people\'s lives and affect them. We also see this in Proverbs chapter 14 and verse 1. This is again a reference to a woman and the way she directs her house. The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands. Over in chapter 12 and verse 4, an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness to his bones. A woman has a huge impact upon the disposition of her household. Huge. You\'ve heard that old saying, if mama ain\'t happy, ain\'t nobody happy? Well that\'s sort of what this is saying. If mama is an unhappy, angry person who\'s always attacking other people and tearing them down, the Bible calls that type of woman a foolish woman. If she shames her husband, does shameful, disgraceful things, she is like rottenness to his bones. But an excellent wife is like a crown to her husband. That\'s like saying, some of you guys have favorite hats you like to wear because you just think you look really good in that hat. Well in the same way, a really God honoring, loving wife is like a great hat. You want to display that wife everywhere. You want to show her off to other people because she honors you. You love that. That\'s why you take her to class. You want to show her off. There you go. That\'s good. You got some credit for that there. That\'s right. So a godly woman is like that. And a wise woman, rather than tearing her family members down, does everything she can in order to build them up. Now this is not a self-esteem verse. It\'s not the idea where you\'re trying to build up somebody\'s self-esteem. The idea is you\'re doing that which is beneficial to their long-term spiritual welfare. That\'s what you\'re doing. A godly woman does that. A wise woman does that. She does that which is beneficial to their long-term spiritual welfare. This is not building up some kind of sinful self-esteem thing. That\'s not the idea. All right, so Satan understands this. Satan also knows that the family is of utmost importance to God\'s program because of the Bible\'s teaching about the important functions that the family is to fulfill in the lives of its members. Everybody has a function, an important function there. We can see that in Ephesians chapter 5 verses 25 through 27 where Paul talks about husbands loving your wives just as Christ loved the church. Later on in verse 27, that he may present her to himself in all of her glory having no spot or wrinkle or such thing but that she should be holy and blameless. In other words, a husband is supposed to be a benefit to his wife so that his relationship to her builds her up in holiness and blamelessness. It builds her up in the right way. That\'s the way a husband should be. Genesis 2.18, it\'s not good for a man to be alone but I will make a helper suitable for him. In verse 21, you have the virtuous woman and the characteristics of the virtuous woman. In Proverbs 14, we already saw where the wise man builds her house up but the foolish woman tears it down. In Proverbs 12, it talks about the woman who is a crown to her husband but then the one who is disgraceful or shameful is rotten to his bone. You see the same thing in the illustrations that are used in Psalm 127 and 128 and Psalm 112 as well as Proverbs 14, 26, and 27. There are all examples. So Satan understands this and he also understands that the family is of utmost importance to God\'s program because of the important roles that the family life is given among the requirements for leadership in the church. In fact, you can\'t be a leader in the church without having your relationship to your wife and your children right. That\'s at the top of that qualification, 1 Timothy 3. You can see the same thing in 1 Timothy 5, 10. A man has a responsibility to support his household. Satan also knows that the family is of utmost importance to God\'s program because of the way that God connects family relationships to our relationship with him. You see this in Ephesians 5, 18 where it says don\'t be drunk with wine which leads to debauchery but be filled with the Holy Spirit and then a direct outgrowth of that is the relationship of the husband and the wife. It has to do with interpersonal relationships there. You can see that in 1 Peter 3, 1-6 where Peter talks to women who are married to unbelieving husbands or at least husbands who act like unbelievers. That the way that you win them over is without words by the behavior of their wives. We\'re going to talk about that more later. 1 Peter 3, 7 where Peter talks to Christian husbands married to unbelieving wives. How are you supposed to relate to the unbelieving wives, especially the wife who brings suffering into your life? That\'s that Proverbs 12, 4 woman who brings rottenness to your bones. How are you supposed to live with that kind of a woman who does that kind of thing? So Satan understands that. Furthermore Satan understands that the family is of utmost importance to God\'s program because the Bible teaches that the family demands top loyalty next to God and his kingdom. Top loyalty. We can see that in Ephesians 5, 22-23. Our first relationship is to God then it is to our husband or our wife and our children. We can see that in 1 Timothy 5, verse 8, Colossians 3, 17-19, 1 Peter 3, 1-7. So our relationship to God is first. Then comes our relationship to our husband or wife or our kids. In fact that is the very thing that sets the tone for our relationship to our husbands or to our wives or to our children. So I say again, the answer to the question that we started in our last class period, what is the family, is tremendously important for all the reasons that we have talked about. But especially for this one. That Satan is opposed to the biblical concept of the family because of the important role that the family plays in the program of God. Satan is opposed to it. And if we resist Satan, then part of that resistance of Satan is having godly families. And as pastors, helping our flock or shepherding in them in such a way that they understand what it means to be a godly husband, they understand what it means to be a godly wife, they understand what it means to be godly parents, they understand what it means to be godly children, shepherding them in that way. And now having emphasized the importance of this question, we\'re going to turn to the actual question itself. What does the Bible say is the definition of the family? Let\'s pick up and talk about what is the family. We left off with this question and we\'ve talked about how important this particular question is but we need to define it biblically. If we look at this from a biblical standpoint, the first and primary thing we have to look at is what the Bible calls spiritual family. What the Bible calls the spiritual family. There are really two kinds of family described in the Bible and the first is spiritual family. Now what are we talking about here? Well according to 1 Timothy chapter 3 and verse 15 and Ephesians 2 and verse 19 and 3 and 15 and John 1 and 12 and Galatians 3, there are several verses here in the scripture that refer to Christians as the family of God or as sons or children of God. So in eternity we belong to a family and for us as believers it\'s all the same family. God is the father, we are his kids and he directs all the affairs of the family. Now that\'s not the only spiritual family that\'s out there. The Bible also talks about another spiritual family and it does so in John chapter 8 and verses 38 through 44 and here Jesus there refers to this other spiritual family in his interaction with a group of people. He does the same thing in Matthew chapter 13 and verse 38 and he talks about the children of the wicked one or the children of the devil. The children of the wicked one or the children of the devil. That\'s a second type of spiritual family. Now these are believers and in verse 39 of Matthew 13 he identifies the wicked one as the devil. In Acts 13 10 there\'s another reference to this other spiritual family and Paul confronts the man by the name of Alimeus and he refers to him as a child of the devil. First John chapter 3 and verse 10 tells us that all who are not children of God are children of the devil. All who are not children of God are children of the devil. So the Bible talks about spiritual families. In a sense this is the greater reality and when you read psych textbooks on marriage in the family or sociology textbooks on marriage in the family nothing is talked about in regards to spiritual families. Even in a lot of integrational family material there\'s nothing to talk about in terms of spiritual families. And here the Bible gives a lot of information on spiritual families and it\'s almost totally neglected but it\'s an important aspect. You get some aspect of the spiritual family within the local church because you are brothers and sisters in the local church and you get a little foretaste of what heaven is supposed to be like when the church is functioning in a holy and God honoring way. spiritual taste of heaven brothers and sisters interacting caring for one another loving one another praying for one another supporting one another encouraging one another edifying one another building one another up. That\'s what the church should be doing. That\'s the spiritual family long after your husband or your wife passes away. You still have a spiritual family. That\'s an important family. And when you die and go to heaven or if Christ returns first you will join up with your eternal family. That\'s the broader context of what the family is supposed to be. Now that\'s not the only kind of family that the Bible talks about. The Bible also talks about a second type of family. In this particular case it\'s talking about what we would refer to as biological families or physical families. And here even in physical families we have two distinct kinds of physical families. The Bible refers to extended families. This is the family that is described today as the extended family and would include grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins and great grandparents and so on. First cousins second cousins depending on where you come from aunts or aunts and uncles. So there\'s this extended family. You can see this in Judges 6 15 and Genesis 10 5 and following Luke 2 4 1 Timothy 5 Mark 7 extended families that go beyond just a husband and wife relationship. But there is another type of family as well that the Bible recognizes that is described today as the nuclear family. This unit is the traditional nuclear family consisting of a husband and his wife along with unmarried children who are living with them and for whom they bear important child rearing responsibilities. That\'s the family units that\'s talked about in Genesis 2 24 and Psalm 128 verses 1 through 4 and Ephesians 5 22 through 6 4 and Colossians 3 18 through 21 and 1 Peter 3 7 all of those. So broadly we would say this the Bible divides family and the concept of the family down into two broad categories. There are spiritual families and there are physical families and within both of those there are two categories. One is the family of God and the other one is the family of Satan and the spiritual family and the physical family. There are extended family members and then there are immediate family members or the traditional nuclear family family of a husband and wife and children. You don\'t have to have children in order to have a family unit or home in the Bible. But that is what is referred to as the family. So we could say this that our first answer to the question here what is the family? What is the biblical concept of the family would be that from God\'s perspective there are basically only two kinds of families spiritual families as well as physical families two broad types of family and you belong to both types of family whether you\'re a Christian or not you either belong to the family of God or the family of Satan. If you are born into the world and you grew up with people whether they were your biological parents or not you have a family relationship there and you usually have also extended family members that you may not be biologically related to but they are nonetheless a part of the family. Now there are also several more specific facts about what the family is and what it should be from God\'s perspective. What the family is and what it should be from God\'s perspective. What is it? What should it be? Well first the Bible teaches that the family is God\'s antidote to loneliness. It\'s a place where the deepest kind of friendships are formed and experienced. The family is God\'s antidote for loneliness. We can see this in Genesis chapter 2 and verse 18. I want you to grab your Bible let\'s go back there and we\'re going to actually elaborate on this verse a little bit more later on in our class but let\'s at least get familiar with this now. Then the Lord God said it is not good for man to be alone I will make him a helper suitable for him. So after God created Adam he said it\'s not good for Adam to be alone and this is the occasion or the setting we would say or the rationale behind giving Adam a gender complement that is Eve. Why because Adam was alone. He needed fellowship. He needed someone to interact with and this is made much more poignant in the verses following verse 18. You can see this in verses 19 and 20. It says out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky and brought them to the man to see what he would call them and whatever the man called a living creature that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle and to the birds of the sky and every beast of the field but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. Now the Hebrew word for helper suitable is the word azerkinigno actually a compound word. A suitable helper a fitting completer. For several years I used to call my wife my little azerkinigno. Some people who didn\'t know Hebrew thought I was cursing at her I wasn\'t. It was a term of endearment. In other words she was a fitting help one who completed me. That\'s who she was. She was someone ideally suited for me. Well you can see here within context he acknowledges in verse 18 there\'s no suitable helper there\'s no azerkinigno for Adam. In verse 20 comes back to the fact there is no azerkinigno for Adam and in between this Adam spends all of his time naming the animals which by the way shows you the incredible intelligence of Adam far more intelligent than Einstein or anyone else that the world has produced because to be able to name all the animals on the planet and to remember and not repeat any of those names and if he named them based upon common semantic ways that they would name their children or name creatures they probably named the animals based upon the most common characteristic of that animal. But he was able to remember all of that and do that all in one day and there are whole species of animals that are passed out of existence since the time of Adam and even a lot of the species that are still alive on earth today or there are species that are still alive on earth today that we have never named yet we\'re still finding them. I love to watch all those history and science channels on the TV and they\'re always talking about all these new types of animals that they\'re finding in the outer reaches in the Amazon jungle or Honduras and way up in the mountains some new kind of species of rat or rock badger or in the depths of the sea some new species of fish. Well Adam was able to name all the animals and remember all those names and he was able to do that in one day. You understand the intelligence that it took for Adam to do that kind of thing. Now why does God say there was no Azure Conigno for Adam and then he has a name all the animals. Why does he do that? Well because at the end of the day Adam realized after seeing Mr. and Mrs. Giraffe and Mr. and Mrs. Hippopotamus and Mr. and Mrs. Skunk going by all day long after seeing all of that Adam realized even though the animal was teeming with life he was still alone. He understood that. This becomes a gigantic object lesson for Adam. It\'s huge. And so this is where God now creates Eve. Verse 21. So the Lord God caused the deep sleep to fall upon the man and he slept and he took one of the ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. So God creates Eve. Now Adam has a compliment. None of the animals in the world complimented him. Eve does. She is his perfect Azure Conigno. She is his perfect gender compliment. She is exactly what he needed. Wow. This is what Adam wanted. So the point is that Adam was alone even though the whole earth was teeming with life with animals. You know we have that saying that the dog is man\'s best friend. Well that\'s not true. The woman is man\'s best friend according to the Bible not the dog. And the two are not the same thing. You don\'t pet her. All right. No. Not the same thing. She is his gender compliment. All right. Now grab your Bible and let\'s go over to another passage. Let\'s go over to Psalm 68 and verse 6. Here\'s an interesting little passage. It\'s a psalm of David and he says God makes a home for the lonely. He leads out the prisoners into prosperity. Only the rebellious dwell in a parched land. In other words the marriage relationship was made for lonely people. The home was designed for lonely people. The home is God\'s antidote for loneliness. It\'s the place of fellowship. It\'s a place of intimacy. It\'s a place where a husband and a wife can be themselves and not fear any judgment or reprisal and it is a sorry state that a lot of homes get into. An ungodly state where they dread being around one another and they hate one another and they criticize one another. That\'s not the way the home is supposed to be. The home is supposed to be a place for the lonely. It\'s a good thing. When you\'re single for a long time and you desire to be married, you understand that loneliness or all you have to do as a pastor is talk to the widows or widowers in your congregation. You want to talk about loneliness? These are people who probably have had great marriages for several years and they\'ve lost their lifelong spouse and they have this far off look in their eye like I don\'t know what my place in this world is anymore. I don\'t know where I belong. They\'re gone. That\'s a sad situation. God has a place for the lonely and the place is the home and the family. Yeah? With a man in our ministry now who is a divorced man and he keeps talking about how he\'s lonely, so lonely, he\'s longing for that companionship which is a good thing. How do you balance that good desire for a companion and spouse and that relationship with trusting in God, finding your satisfaction in God, especially at that stage of life? That\'s a really good question. Let me see if I can repeat it. You\'re asking the question about a divorced man in your church who expresses the fact that he has this deep sense of loneliness now. How do you balance that with the fact that that deep sense of loneliness with finding satisfaction in God? It\'s good that you put it that way because that\'s really going to be the struggle because if his desire to be married overrules his desire to be God\'s kind of man, then that becomes an idolatrous desire and it becomes an ungodly desire. His first desire has got to be, I want to be God\'s kind of man, whatever he chooses, whatever God chooses to bring into my life. If that means a life without a wife, then that\'s what that means and I\'ve learned to be satisfied in him. But is it wrong for him to have a desire to be married? No it\'s not. It\'s not wrong. But he\'s got to keep that desire in check by being God\'s kind of man first and foremost in his desire to be married. In other words, if he gets married just on the basis of that desire, it would be a very selfish marriage because he would be getting married with that desire, that is, desire to get married, to overcome his loneliness. It would be based upon the fact that I\'m marrying this woman so she can keep me happy. I don\'t feel alone anymore. That\'s the wrong ultimate reason to be married. The ultimate reason to be married is I\'m going to marry her so that I can serve her and by the way, she\'s going to be a companion to me. But I\'m going to serve her. So if he doesn\'t keep his priorities right by being God\'s kind of man first and only secondly desiring to be married, then if he does get married, he\'s going to marry for all the wrong reasons. So he\'s got to keep that and you as a pastor need to help him understand that because he\'s setting himself up for a disaster. God could send along somebody for him to get married and then he marries for the wrong reason and it becomes a very selfish marriage and becomes very evident to his wife that he married her for what she can do for him, not for what he can do for her. So I think that keeping that in perspective will help him a lot. That\'s a good question though because in my ministry in the past as a pastor, I can remember situations like that. Now most of them that stand out in my mind are people who are widowed or widowers. Those are the ones where I think if they\'ve had really good marriages that are part of the past, I mean you can see the loneliness in their eyes. You can see it and they\'ll honestly say to you as a pastor, you know, I\'m not suicidal or anything like that but I really long for heaven because they miss that companionship and they don\'t have it anymore. As a pastor I just say, hey, I agree with you, I understand, I fully, I\'m there. In the meantime let the body of Christ minister to you as much as possible and do what you can. There\'s obviously a reason that God has you here on earth after your spouse is gone. So let\'s make the most of that for this particular time. Don\'t dwell in self-pity because I don\'t have a companion anymore. Self-pity becomes an excuse for sin. Don\'t dwell in that. And you can help them, you can coach them along in that way. But I fully understand what you\'re talking about there. Well let\'s see if we can go to another passage here. Great revival, let\'s go over to Proverbs. Proverbs chapter 2 and verse 17. And you notice here\'s a word, a reference to marriage that refers to marriage as a covenant. Verse 17 says, it talks about this strange woman who is the adulteress and verse 17 says that leaves the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God. So marriage here is referred to as a covenant. Now I know that there are a lot of people out there in the Christian realm that want to extend that covenant relationship out into the engagement period. Boy, I resist that intensely. When you\'re engaged you\'re not making a covenant. Not in an official marital sense. That\'s not what\'s going on. Only when you get married at a wedding ceremony are you making that. If you\'re making that covenant when you agree to get engaged, then why do you even have to go through a marital wedding? You shouldn\'t have to go through it. Because you\'ve already made the covenant, it\'s supposed to be a lifetime. No, no, no. The engagement period of time is intended as a time to see, all right, we\'re going to seriously talk about marriage and putting our lives together, is this going to work? And it\'s a time to back out if it\'s not going to work. It\'s a time to implement discernment, judgment, and wisdom. You don\'t extend that covenant over the engagement period. The covenant begins at marriage. The Bible is very clear about that. And you understand that the Hebrew word for covenant is the word berit. And it is, it\'s not burrito, that\'s Mexican, but it\'s berit. And it means, the idea is to cut a covenant. And back in ancient times they didn\'t have, when they made agreements they didn\'t sign papers. They would take an animal and they would slaughter the animal and they would slice that animal down in half. And the two parties making the agreement would walk between the two halves of that animal. And in that way they were making a covenant before God saying, if we were to break this covenant, may God do to us what has been done to this animal. May God split us in half, or me personally in half. That\'s the agreement, that\'s a very graphic thing. To take a sheep or a lamb and to split that thing in half and to walk between the two halves of that was a very memorable covenant. And that\'s where the idea of cutting a covenant comes from. So it\'s a very sacred thing, okay, which meant the taking of a life. In this case the life of an animal. So the implication is, if we were to ever break this covenant, may God take our life. May God do the same thing to me. So here marriage is referred to as a covenant. And notice how it talks about the fact that when a woman commits adultery, or a man for that matter, what they have done is they have left the companion of their youth. Verse 17, you see the emphasis here is upon companionship, alright. That\'s the emphasis. So marriage is not primary, the purpose of marriage is not primarily here to have children. That\'s one of the blessings of marriage, but that\'s not the purpose of marriage. Genesis 1, 28 talks about be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and subdue it. God blessed them and said be fruitful and multiply. That\'s the blessing of marriage. The purpose of marriage is companionship. It\'s the antidote for loneliness is the implication. Same thing is true in Malachi, alright. Let\'s go over to Malachi. Malachi chapter 2 and verse 14. Malachi chapter 2, I used to have a guy who was on staff at our church when I was a pastor. He was Italian and he always talked about Malachi being the only Italian book in the Bible. It\'s Malachi, that\'s the way he would pronounce it. Malachi chapter 2 and verse 14, alright. Yet you say, for what reason, because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is, notice this, your companion and your wife by covenant. There\'s brit, companion and covenant. The covenant is a reflection of the promise that they made before God that was a sacred promise, and the companionship is a description of what they are to mean to one another. What do they mean to one another? They\'re companions to one another. They\'re companions for a lifetime for one another. They walk through thick and thin with one another. That\'s the idea. I cannot stand to be away from my wife for a long period of time. I can\'t do that. I\'ve always got to drag her with me. I love being around her and she loves being around me and it\'s a good thing. Except for when I drag her all over the planet, you know, and she has lots of stuff to do at home, that becomes a problem, but we love being together. That\'s a good thing because we\'re companions. We share everything in life. She knows more about me than I know about myself. And I know an awful lot about her as well. That\'s a good thing. That\'s the way God intended it. The family is really God\'s antidote for loneliness. I can\'t imagine life. I can really, as a pastor, sympathize with widows and widowers. What are you going to do after you lose your spouse, where you\'ve had a wonderful, not perfect on this human earth, but a wonderful, mutually satisfying marriage? What are you going to do if you lose your companion? So we learn that the family is a place where people experience friendship, they experience companionship, they experience intimacy. It\'s a place where people are supposed to be themselves, not as if they\'re fakes out in public, but they don\'t have to be afraid of people criticizing them or demeaning them. And I\'m sorry to say that that\'s not the way some families are, and even Christian families. They\'re critical of one another, they\'re hateful with one another, they\'re mean with one another, they\'re sharp-tongued with one another. God never intended the family to be that way. Never. So this has huge implications. It has tremendous implications for every family member, husbands, wives, parents, children. The word companion that we saw there in Proverbs 2.17, Malachi 2.14, literally means one who accompanies. It refers to spending time with someone, doing things together, being interested in what interests other people in the family. This is what ought to be happening in families. Your kids should enjoy being around you. Our kids do. They enjoy being around us, and we love being around them, and we\'re constantly teasing them how they like to be around a couple of old fuddy-duddies. Proverbs 17, verse 17, and 27.10, that involves being a true friend, being loyal, faithful, available, concerned, committed, helpful, unselfish, protective, defending the other person, willing to sacrifice for the other person. You can see this in Jonathan and David\'s relationship for Samuel 18. Now that\'s the kind of thing that should be happening in the family relationship, where people do that. They\'re around one another and they enjoy being around one another. They love that. They\'re protective of one another. Sometimes that can extend to sinful deeds, but there is a sense in which you watch over your family. I grew up with two younger sisters. My mother tells a story. We lived in a house that was sort of on a hill, and coming from our grade school to the house, we had a road behind the house that went up towards the house, and my mother would stand and do dishes and look out the window and watch us coming home from school. She still tells the story about one day she looked out the window as she was washing dishes, and I had some kid by the nap of the neck and was ready to clobber him. What had happened was he had come along and taken school papers of my sister and had torn them up. So I\'m ready to defend my sister. Every other time I tease her mercilessly, but here I\'m defending her. She stepped out the back door and yelled at me, Johnny, you get home right now. Now that was a sinful reaction on my part, but there is a sense in which, as Proverbs 17, 17, Proverbs 27, 10 talks about, that\'s part of being loyal and protected to a family member. If you see somebody doing something that\'s unjust, you need to step in and help that family member. That\'s a good thing. That\'s what families are for. It\'s not wrong. God as the father protects his family, his children. He did that with Israel over and over again. He provided for, I mean, there the crossing of the Red Sea. What does he do? There\'s an army bearing down upon them. He protects his children and he destroys the enemy of his children. So that\'s the example that God the father uses. That\'s not a bad thing. That\'s a good thing. As long as we\'re careful not to let sinful desires to step in there because of our sinfulness, we are not perfectly like God. Well in addition to that, we\'ve got Proverbs 29, five and Proverbs 27, five and six. Being a true friend means that you will avoid flattery and that you\'re not afraid to rebuke gently as well. In the family, you can tell people hard things because they know that you mean it in love. There\'s a place for open rebuke. That\'s a type of rebuke that\'s said in love, but it\'s honest and faithful. First Kings chapter one, you can see that David, verse six, never rebuked his son Adonijah and it caused Adonijah his life. The Hebrew there says that David never caused his son pain. First Kings 1, six. So in that sense, David was a negligent father. He never caused Adonijah pain and he should have. He should have lowered Adonijah\'s self-esteem. That\'s what he should have done because Adonijah, he thought he was pretty hot stuff and he grew up thinking he was pretty hot stuff. David never checked that. David\'s family was not functioning in the way that God wants families to function. So in this respect, David was not being a true father to his son. God\'s plan for the family is that family members should be companions, friends, and part of being a true friend means being lovingly honest with other family members. David should have been that way. He should have said, Adonijah, what you\'re doing is wrong and it\'s sinful. You\'re a prideful young man and I\'m going to cause you some pain because of your pride. I\'m going to apply the board of education to the seed of irresponsibility. That\'s what I\'m going to do. That\'s what David should have said. Now Proverbs 12 and verse 26, here being a true friend involves being concerned about being a positive influence too. It\'s interesting the way the New International English version translates this. It says it is cautious in friendship. The New American Standard Version says it\'s a guide to his neighbor. So being a good friend involves being a good influence rather than an evil influence in the life of another person. So if you\'re going to be a good family member, then the implication is you\'re going to be a good influence and influence people positively, not an evil influence. You\'re not going to bring out the worst in people. Husbands are not going to bring out the worst in wives. They\'re not going to bring out the worst in husbands. Parents are not going to bring out the worst in their children. Children are not going to bring out the worst in one another or their parents. That\'s being a true friend. Then Proverbs 27 verse 14, now here being a true friend means that you will be sensitive to the likes and dislikes of others. You can also see Proverbs 25, 20 and Proverbs 25, 17. Being a true friend means you\'re going to be sensitive to the likes and dislikes of the other person. In other words, you\'ll be a blessing to your friend. But when you\'re a blessing, you\'ll do it at the appropriate time. As Proverbs says, he who blesses a friend with a loud voice early in the morning, that kind of person is a fool. Like getting up early in the morning and running around and being loud. Hey, how you guys doing? What, what is that? That\'s not being a true friend. You\'re not caring for the other person. You\'re getting amusement out of their misery. So, um, or grab your Bible just for a moment and go over to Proverbs 26 and verse 18. A person also understands a good friend in this case in a family also understands the wisdom of Proverbs 26, 18. Like a man, man who throws firebrands, arrows and death. So is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, was I not joking? So a person like this knows when a joke has gone too far. You know, those kind of people who love to pray, um, play practical jokes that humiliate you. You hate that. And they laugh and they say, oh, I was just joking. I was just joking. Did you feel like an idiot or a fool? They know when a joke\'s gone too far. It\'s like Proverbs compares them to a man, man who just indiscriminately takes bow and arrows and shoots them into the air. Well eventually those arrows are going to come back down and hurt somebody. Maybe cool to shoot that off in the air, but that has consequences. It\'s going to come back to earth or throws firebrands in the air. Eventually those things are going to come back. They\'re going to come back and get that person. So a person knows when a joke has gone too far. When you\'re really tearing a person down, you\'re not building them up. Verse 27 and verse nine, being a true friend involves encouraging others, cheering them up. A man\'s counsel is sweet to his friend. So a true friend will add sweetness to another person\'s life through his help, advice, counsel, encouragement. It\'s always amazing to me on a college campus to watch new freshmen come in. And some of those new freshmen have brothers and sisters that are older than they are, that have been there at college for a few years. And to watch those brothers and sisters come in and help their sisters and brothers out, adjusting to college, their feeling of loneliness, being away from home for the first time for a long period of time. They\'re there to help them out. They\'re there to encourage them and help them. That\'s exactly what should be going on. It\'s encouraging the other person, cheering them up. That\'s what should be going on in the family, in the home. Proverbs 27, 17, being a true friend involves shaping the other person\'s countenance or sharpening, I should say, the other person\'s countenance. As iron sharpens iron implies that a true friend, friends are unselfish, a true friend is aware when the other person gets dull, is discouraged or down or perplexed or confused or hurting, or when the other person is weary or lonely or fearful or anxious or overreacting or blowing things out of proportion or practicing tunnel vision or overgeneralizing or exaggerating or being lonely or feeling blue or forsaken or useless. And so that person does what they can to lift up the other person\'s spirit, to help them see things more clearly, gain new insights. You\'re sharpening the other person as iron sharpens iron. You\'re sharpening them. That\'s what should be happening. Furthermore, John chapter 15 verses 13 through 15, you\'re willing to sacrifice doing what others desire, sharing yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, your concerns. Sharing a true friend involves doing things that the other person wants you to do unless to do so would violate a command of God or would be sinful. It involves sharing your thoughts and your feelings and your concerns with the other person on a deep level, sharing any information with the other person that would not hurt them or anyone else and that would be helpful for them. It involves open communication, especially involves sharing what God is teaching you with them. Jesus talked about that with his disciples. He says, I\'ve called you my friends for all the things that my father has shared with me, I\'ve shared with you. Being a true friend does that. You share these good things. That\'s what the family does. A family helps one another through those kind of sharing type of experiences. Now all of that is part of God\'s antidote for loneliness. It involves being a true companion, being a true friend. So this has tremendous implications for every family member, husbands, wives, parents, children, being a companion, being loyal, avoiding flattery, being positive influence, being sensitive to likes and dislikes, being encouraging, sharpening the other person, sharing of yourself and willing to sacrifice for the other person. That\'s what should be going on in the Christian home. That\'s what should be happening.