Inviting Dialogue PDF

Chapter 09 7/15/04 09:31 AM Page 101 CHAPTER 9 Inviting Dialogue When I reach this chapter, I hesitate. All of my quick and not- so-hidden assumptions...

Chapter 09 7/15/04 09:31 AM Page 101 CHAPTER 9 Inviting Dialogue When I reach this chapter, I hesitate. All of my quick and not- so-hidden assumptions suddenly come into play. Do we really have to talk about the importance of questioning and listening, I ask myself ? Don’t we all know this stuff? The answer, I believe, is no. Or, to be more precise, even if we do know, the moment we speak in public it is oh-so-easy to forget. Even the most enlightened speaker, given a podium and a micro- phone, will don the mantle of the expert and talk on and on without relying on the simple tools that we will visit in this chapter. It’s as if she suddenly had amnesia. The expert role, the lure of the stage, the power of the podium—they are that intoxicating. An inner switch, the switch that says “I’m the expert, and folks are here to hear my expertise,” gets turned on the moment she stands up to speak. More often than not, audience members are “captives,” especially when the speaker has institutional clout. They will listen because of the insti- tutional role the speaker plays. They will not necessarily be attentive because she inhabits that role. They may be silent and polite, but they will not automatically engage. Even if the speaker is the world’s most renowned expert on a particular topic or niche, it is her job to relate this expertise to the demands, concerns, and questions of this particular audience. Unless she is truly a brilliant mind reader, it behooves her to ask some Chapter 09 7/15/04 09:31 AM Page 102 102 Power Speaking questions of her audience, encourage their questions, listen closely, and offer clarifying answers. If she doesn’t, she runs the risk of doing what I owned up to doing at the beginning of this chapter: operat- ing under a bunch of assumptions. Now, we have all heard the speaker who likes to begin a speech by announcing “the lay of the land” for the presentation: “I will talk for about forty-five minutes or so, and then we’ll have some time for questions and answers afterward.” If this speaker is adept at manag- ing his speaking time, this usually means there will be maybe ten minutes at best toward the end of the presentation for the audience to respond. If the speaker has gotten carried away with his presenta- tion, this time is usually absorbed into the presentation and, oops, suddenly there is no time for any dialogue at all! We have also likely been in the presence of the speaker who, after a lengthy presentation, decides to open the floor up for questions. Fre- quently, there is a long, embarrassed silence in the hall. Audience members seem to shy away from actually asking a question. Those who are courageous enough to raise a question sound tepid as they stand up to speak. There is a general sense of fizzled energy and lost focus as a presentation falls apart in this final question-and-answer session. Instead of ending with a grand finale, the presentation goes out with a whimper. Worse yet, the main message or meaning of the speech is likely lost or forgotten, as the entire event fades into oblivion. FLIPPING THE PARADIGM Such speaking situations are shouting for a paradigm adjustment, from a monologue to a dialogue approach. Most importantly, a dia- logue approach needs to be established early on in a presentation. Don’t be surprised if after talking for forty-five minutes, nobody in the audience has a question. By now, the audience has been beaten into silent submission. It has been forced into the role of the quiet, passive receiver, a role that is uncomfortable for many adults who long to be heard. A seasoned speaker knows that she needs to create a response habit early in the presentation, preferably within the first Chapter 09 7/15/04 09:31 AM Page 103 Inviting Dialogue 103 five to ten minutes. Forty-five minutes into a presentation is simply too late. By then, the audience members are plotting their escape from the auditorium. They will do everything possible not to extend this experience. They’ll even get upset with those fellow attendees who dare ask questions this late in the game! Here’s the second part of the paradigm shift. The traditional question-and-answer session generally involves a few questions from the audience that are, in turn, graciously answered by the speaker. This keeps the speaker squarely in the authority role. Well, what about asking a probing question of the audience? What about enticing the audience, with the help of a question, to analyze, synthesize, or clarify a key statement you just made? What about inviting the audience to tell you how it will apply the principles that you have outlined in your speech, back in “the real world?” Your questions to the audience send a very different message about how you view this relationship! They let your audience members know that there is real value there for them to engage—you are actually curious about their thoughts, and you will occasionally want to hear what they have to say. I acknowledge that the application of what I just outlined is not as simple as it may sound. The consistent integration of questioning and listening is truly a lifelong learning process. The barriers to practicing this approach in a public speaking environment can be enormous. Often, you have to contend with all sorts of external distractions while you speak. Bad acoustics. Doors that bang. Cell phones that ring. Participants who arrive late or slip out midstream. The larger the audi- ence, the tougher it can be to initiate a dialogue relationship with the entire group. In a hall with an audience of several hundred, many of the participants simply seem too far away from you. And, in fact, they truly are! Conversely, you also seem very far away to them. This large audience needs the dialogue approach the most—the physical cir- cumstances of such an auditorium conspire with brutal force against creating a speaker-audience connection. They offer your listener every incentive to quickly disengage from you! External distractions will be compounded by our own inner trig- gers and distractions. We may not feel our best on a particular day. Chapter 09 7/15/04 09:31 AM Page 104 104 Power Speaking We may not be entirely comfortable with a particular audience. We may have a “personal beef” with one or several of our audience mem- bers. Engaging in a dialogue process may feel like the absolutely last thing we wish to undertake; it can seem so much easier to just “do it all on our own.” Moreover, almost every audience already has a com- plex relationship with an expert speaker. As my colleague Dawn Denvir so succinctly put it to me: “Audiences want us to be the expert, and they resent us for being the expert.” Harsh as that may sound, I believe there is a fundamental kernel of truth in this obser- vation. So, not only do we deal with all of the inner and outer dis- tractions, we’re also constantly navigating this complex and entirely subterranean dynamic between the speaker and the audience! I don’t profess to have quick or tidy answers to the dilemmas I just raised. I do know, however, that a consistent application of a dia- logue approach is the one surefire way of generating and sustaining a climate of engagement and respect. I do not relish the alternative— presenting in an environment of disengagement and the absence of such respect. When I speak, I am committed to doing everything within my power to help engage my audience. So, here are some pointers on how you can best navigate the dialogue process: Asking Questions Build dialogue early in your speech by asking questions that folks can readily answer. Choose questions that can generate both short and long answers. Present a question as a quick mini-brainstorm: “Let’s see if we can come up with at least five different ideas!” Make sure that everyone can hear your question, and that every- one can hear the response by an audience member. Don’t assume. Check with your audience. State the question. Pause and wait for an answer. The willingness to wait and pause is one of the marks of a commanding speaker. Restate the question if you have not received a response after this initial pause. Chapter 09 7/15/04 09:31 AM Page 105 Inviting Dialogue 105 In a large auditorium, ask questions that require participants to respond in agreement or disagreement by raising their hand, standing up, waving, or applauding. These are quick ways of tak- ing the pulse of a large group. Such group responses invite your audience to stay engaged—and they have a simple, energizing aerobic side benefit! Avoid token questions that are merely an excuse to get you back to your prepared script. The audience will sense this immediately. Your rhetorical question will be a turnoff. The moment you ask a question, you need to fully work with the answer you receive. If there is an opportunity for a follow-up question, and you have time for the follow-up—go for it! It lets your audience members know that you value their participation, that you value the first question enough to want to follow up, and that you really heard and understand what they said! Answering Questions Validate a great question that has been posed! Your validation sends a powerfully positive message to your entire audience, not just to the individual who raised the question. Give eye contact to the person who asked the question. Respond to this individual, but then swing out and share your answer with the entire group. Try to be brief and to the point with your answer. A long and rambling response will discourage other participants from asking questions! The most successful answer is factual and offers a specific bene- fit to the person who raised the question. Respond to questions and comments from every part of your audience, not just the few individuals who may wish to mono- polize the dialogue. Create thematic connections for your audience with your response. Use your answers as an opportunity to elaborate, clar- ify, or underscore points you made earlier in your presentation. Chapter 09 7/15/04 09:31 AM Page 106 106 Power Speaking Refrain from elaborately answering questions that you will address later in your presentation anyway! If you are presented with a question that uses hostile or negative language, refrain from repeating that negative language in your response. Choose neutral language, instead. Dialogue Don’ts Do not judge the question you receive. Watch for body language that may reveal your judgment of the question. Listen to the full question. Don’t interrupt or jump to conclusions. Do not send a follow-up question to a participant that uses hos- tile language. Answer succinctly and move on! Do not get caught in a ping-pong exchange with one questioner. Keep inviting other participants into the dialogue. Resist the temptation to “be right” or have the final word; be willing to disagree with a participant and move on! Don’t bluff! Don’t be afraid of admitting that “I don’t have this information right now,” or that “I can’t answer this question at this time.” Do not ignore a question that is raised. Reframing the question as you respond is a great way of shifting gears—ignoring the question, however, is not! REFRAMING THE QUESTION Not only do we create frames that help us clarify and shape the con- tent we present, the moment we engage in a dialogue process we constantly reframe questions or comments we receive from an audi- ence. I don’t suggest that we dodge or altogether ignore a question when we reframe. We have all listened to unskilled politicians who never seem to answer a single question they are asked. Sadly, they have been coached to do this. Listening to a conversation between an ill-coached politician and a reporter often sounds like two cars Chapter 09 7/15/04 09:31 AM Page 107 Inviting Dialogue 107 speeding down a highway, traveling in parallel lanes. Sometimes one car passes the other; sometimes the other passes the first. The driv- ers might glance at each other, exchange a quick smile. But they never stop, never open the window, never connect. A good reframe is a thoughtful response to an audience comment. It challenges both the speaker and the audience to look at a point, topic, or idea from a different perspective. It offers a crystallizing point of view. It may redirect a question or comment by offering a not- yet-contemplated solution or benefit. Reframing is frequently used to steer an audience away from a perspective or point of view that the speaker does not wish to address, but that is not its primary function. A powerful reframing comment opens new perspectives, deepens understanding, and offers an expanding view of a topic. And yes— it can certainly be a protective move to deflect from a content area we don’t wish to examine just then! Here are some tips on how you can successfully reframe com- ments and questions in the dialogue process: First and foremost, remember that not every audience question or comment needs to be reframed. Decide how much controversy or possible disagreement you can live with. Allowing for dissent and disagreement is one of the marks of an exceptional leader! If someone expresses doubt about a point you made—acknowl- edge that you have also had doubt. If someone announces that a proposal is silly—tell her that you, too, thought it was silly at first. By agreeing with the speaker, you are deflating any of the potentially adversarial thunder. Then complete your response with a simple benefit statement. You will have just executed a very ele- gant and subtle reframe! The best reframing answer listens to a statement and picks out the underlying issue. If you receive a barrage of comments from a participant, listen to what might be lurking behind this barrage. Here are some classic issues that frequently arise in a business presentation: unrealistic timing or timeline of a project; prohibi- tive cost; lack of feasibility; scarcity of resources; or priority of Chapter 09 7/15/04 09:31 AM Page 108 108 Power Speaking project. And here are the emotions that usually simmer below the surface: frustration, anger, exhaustion, or lingering burnout. Name the issue and/or the emotion, and then offer a specific solution, strategy, or benefit. If you’re not sure you properly understood a question or com- ment, do a little reality check. “Did I hear this correctly? Did I interpret this correctly? Did I get this right?” This inquiry not only shows your concern for the comment from the audience— it also buys you time to come up with the best possible reframe you can dream up in the moment! REFRAMING WITH AWARENESS Here is a sample question that might be asked of a politician: Do you think you have any chance at all of winning this election? I offer you four different responses, and a quick analysis of the implications of each reframe: 1. Answer: Look, not only do I want to win this election, I believe I will win all of the other upcoming elections until I receive the nomination! Analysis of answer: It dodges the “chance part” of the ques- tion but builds on the winning part. It opens the winning frame by focusing not only on this one election but on a whole slew of elections. It takes the smaller, short-term focus of the question and widens it! 2. Answer: I think I’m talking about the issues that matter to audi- ences most. Analysis of answer: This is a more implicit response than answer # 1. It implies that because I talk about what matters to voters, I will have a good chance of winning. It will likely be perceived as an avoidance of the question! 3. Answer: Look, I know a lot of you believe I don’t have a chance of winning, but take a look at some other candidates through- out history who came from behind. Who would have thought Chapter 09 7/15/04 09:31 AM Page 109 Inviting Dialogue 109 early on that Bill Clinton would be the Democratic nominee and eventual president? Analysis of Answer: It shows that the speaker is not afraid of answering a tough question. And it opens up the frame by shifting from a “here-and-now” outlook to a more rosy and impersonal historic perspective. 4. Answer: Every time I have run for office I have been the under- dog, and I have always come from behind and beat the estab- lishment candidate! Analysis of Answer: It offers a personal historic perspective of “always winning,” and it widens the frame by implicitly con- trasting the speaker’s outsider role with the opponent’s insider status. The beauty of the dialogue approach is that it will, when applied and practiced with consistency, steer the speaker away from the “canned presentation.” It forces every speaker to stay present in the moment. It keeps every presentation alive, because it invites the element of variability and surprise. In the best sense of the word, it will keep the speaker on her toes. Moreover, the skill and finesse with which she encourages questions and then responds will always enhance her standing with her audience. A dialogue approach is a classic win-win strategy for any public speaker! PRACTICE EXERCISE To practice the dialogue approach, invite a sample audience of two or three friends or colleagues. Prepare to speak on a topic of your choice for five to ten minutes. More importantly, prepare at least three questions you will put to your audience within the first five minutes. Let your audience members know that, for the purpose of this exercise, they need to be willing to raise questions throughout, contribute comments, and actively engage with you. Make sure your friends understand that this is not a Chapter 09 7/15/04 09:31 AM Page 110 110 Power Speaking preparation for handling a resistant audience—we’ll work on that a little later. No, their job is simply to ask questions, request clarification, offer their opinions, which may or may not be in agreement with the content of your presentation. Their active involvement and participation will be a key success factor in this practice exercise! Here are some additional tips for your dialogue practice exercise: Present your speech. Make sure someone keeps track of time, and stop when ten minutes are up. When we engage in dialogue, we frequently lose all sense of time! Focus on asking your questions early on, and investigate the dif- ferent ways in which you can answer, follow-up, and reframe during your presentation. This will be more important than dili- gently “sticking to the script!” When your first ten minutes are up, offer your own feedback first. How well did you handle the responses to the questions you had planned? How did you handle the questions and com- ments your audience threw at you? Did you take advantage of follow-up opportunities? Did you have a chance to reframe audience comments and observations? Elicit feedback from your audience members. Did they feel engaged by your questions? Were they satisfied with the way in which you handled their comments and responses? Was your dialogue approach successful in keeping them engaged with your presentation? Are there any additional things you could have said that would have deepened their involvement? Take a moment to reflect on the feedback you received. Then present the same speech again. Try to integrate the feedback you received, but remember that the moment we practice a dialogue approach, no presentation will ever be the same again! Above all, listen closely to the comments and reactions from your audience members, and respond in a way that will help deepen their involvement. Chapter 09 7/15/04 09:31 AM Page 111 Inviting Dialogue 111 After ten minutes, stop and repeat the feedback process from the first round. Offer your own feedback first and then elicit feed- back from your audience. Note your successes in applying the comments you received after your first presentation. Note, as well, how you adapted to new questions, different observations, and other challenges that may have come up in this second presentation. Complete this exercise by reflecting on your strength in asking questions, inviting questions, offering answers, and reframing audience comments. Note any insights on how you wish to fur- ther develop your mastery of these skills!