Harmony in Self, Family & Society PDF

Harmony in Self, Family & Society # Harmony in Self (‘I’): Human being is Co-existence of Self (I, i.e., Soul or Atma) and Body (physio-chemical part). Body is the instrument through which things are done by ‘me’. # Understanding Myself: We spend maximum of our time in ourselves (e...

Harmony in Self, Family & Society # Harmony in Self (‘I’): Human being is Co-existence of Self (I, i.e., Soul or Atma) and Body (physio-chemical part). Body is the instrument through which things are done by ‘me’. # Understanding Myself: We spend maximum of our time in ourselves (engrossed in our thoughts, feelings, plans etc.). One should always try to know or study oneself.  Following questions need to be asked, to know oneself better: ❖ Who am ‘I’? ❖ What am ‘I’ like? ❖ What are the activities in ‘me’? ❖ What is my ultimate goal in life? ❖ How can I achieve it? ❖ Why do I have problems (whatever they are)? ❖ How can I resolve the problems? ❖ Why do I get angry, frustrated or depressed? ❖ Why do I get scared? ❖ What are the reasons for my happiness and unhappiness? # Benefits of knowing Oneself: Following are the benefits of knowing oneself thoroughly – ❑ We come to understand whether desires, activities and thoughts in ‘I’ are right. ❑ We understand happiness better and the causes of unhappiness. ❑ We have more clarity about how we are within, which in turn helps us in becoming more self-confident. ❑ We start understanding other persons better and our relationships with them improve. ❑ We understand our Life’s Programme better, i.e., what we ultimately want to achieve in life and how we go about doing that. Hence, we should start ‘looking within’ or we should start ‘observing ourselves’ (more) from today. Harmony in Family # What is Family? The term family is derived from the Latin word ‘familia’ denoting a household establishment.  Family refers to a group of persons united by the ties of marriage, blood or adoption, constituting a single household and interacting with each other in their respective social positions, usually those of spouses, parents, children, and siblings. # Changes in Family Structure over the Years: Contd… # Importance of Healthy Family Relationships: Healthy family relationships play a vital role in the overall well-being and all-round development of individuals. Following points highlight importance of healthy family relationships – (1) Emotional Support: ❖ A healthy family relationship offers a safe and nurturing environment where individuals can express their feelings, share their thoughts, and seek support during challenging times. ❖ When family members communicate openly and listen to each other without judgment, it creates a bond of trust and understanding. ❖ This emotional support helps individuals navigate through life’s ups and downs, promoting resilience and mental well- being. (2) Personal Growth: ❖ Family members can provide guidance, constructive feedback, and encouragement, which can promote personal development. ❖ Positive family relationships create an atmosphere where individuals feel empowered to explore their talents, pursue their passions, and overcome obstacles. ❖ This support system helps individuals build confidence, self-esteem, and a strong sense of identity. (3) Sense of Belonging: ❖ Family relationships offer a sense of belonging and connectedness. ❖ Being part of a loving and supportive family creates a feeling of being accepted and valued for who one is. ❖ This sense of belonging provides individuals with a strong foundation, which helps them navigate through life’s challenges with greater confidence. ❖ It also promotes a sense of stability and security, knowing that there is always a place to turn to in times of need. (4) Communication Skills: ❖ Healthy family relationships serve as a training ground for effective communication skills. ❖ When family members engage in open and respectful communication, it sets a positive example for how individuals interact with others in different areas of life. ❖ Learning how to express thoughts and emotions, listen actively, and resolve conflicts constructively within the family context helps individuals develop strong communication skills that can be applied in personal and professional relationships. (5) Role Modelling: ❖ Family relationships provide an opportunity for positive role modelling. ❖ Children learn from their parents’ behaviors, attitudes, and values. ❖ A healthy family environment offers a platform for parents to demonstrate important life skills, such as empathy, compassion, respect, and cooperation. ❖ When children witness healthy family dynamics, it sets the foundation for them to form healthy relationships outside the family unit. # Characteristics of Strong Families: Living in a family means living with constant change, and change often causes stress. Some families, however, consistently are better than others at coping with the stress that some problems create. Family scientists call these successful families “strong families”.  However, one has to keep in mind that no family is perfect. Following are some of the important characteristics of strong families – (1) Commitment: ❖ Strong families commit themselves to promoting each other’s happiness. ❖ Commitment comes from sharing meaningful experiences, involving in setting family goals and overseeing these goals being achieved. ❖ Regular family discussions increase family commitment. (2) Expressed Appreciation: ❖ Strong families not only feel appreciation, they express it. ❖ They let each other know, through words and actions, that they are special. (3) A Strong Marriage: ❖ The health of the marriage influences a family’s well-being. ❖ When the marriage is a successful, happy partnership, this success spills over into other family relationships. ❖ Characteristics of strong marriages, such as clear communication, mutual respect, and self-disclosure, help to build strong families. ❖ Single-parent living, while very challenging, also can be the basis of a vital, healthy family. ❖ In families of divorce, a congenial, cooperative relationship with the ex-spouse may often be the desired situation, especially for the welfare of children (if any). (4) Time Together: ❖ Strong families frequently work, play, eat, and attend religious and social functions together. ❖ They share responsibilities and structure their lives so that they can spend time with one another. ❖ Strong families usually cut down on outside involvements in order to have quality time together on a regular basis. (5) Good Communication Skills: ❖ In strong families all lines of communication are open and information flows freely. ❖ Members of strong families put forth the effort to hear what the other person says and feels. ❖ Members of such families are also comfortable voicing opinions of their own and are open to change. ❖ Though they do not always agree, they do get everything out in the open and handle disagreements creatively by using conflict management skills (such as active listening, compromising, accommodating etc.). (6) A Healthy Lifestyle: ❖ Proper nutrition, adequate rest, and plenty of exercise are essential for optimal wellness of family members. ❖ Stress management skills, quiet time and a healthy worklife balance are also important. ❖ When all individuals within a family function at their best, the result is a strong family. (7) Spiritual Strength: ❖ Healthy families live by the golden rule, ‘treating others as they would have others treat them’. ❖ Many strong families read inspirational books and engage in value activities such as praying, singing, meditating, doing yoga etc. ❖ The family members share similar values and feel a guiding force in their lives. (8) A Positive Outlook: ❖ Strong families deal with crises in constructive ways. ❖ They stick together during times of crisis and they look for the positive side in such situations. ❖ Strong families believe they can manage and survive any crisis that comes their way. ❖ They know that the crisis will pass and that there are many resources available in the community to help them. (9) Acceptance of Individual Uniqueness: ❖ Strong families look beyond each other’s faults and see each other’s needs and good qualities. ❖ Family members feel free to be themselves. ❖ They accept, appreciate, and support each other as wonderful, one-of-a-kind persons. (10) Involvement with Friends and Community: ❖ Strong families stay in touch with friends and relatives, are friendly with neighbours and are willing to help others in times of need. ❖ They also admit problems and are willing to reach out to professionals and others for help. (11) Forgiveness: ❖ Strong and healthy families teach and practice forgiveness. ❖ They refuse to nurse old or past wounds. ❖ They learn from their mistakes and forgive others and themselves. ❖ They live each day in a fresh, full way. ❖ By forgiving and letting go of the painful past, such families experience healing, peace of mind and a deepening of love. (12) Fun Times: ❖ Strong families enjoy and laugh together. ❖ Humour, spontaneity, and wit help such families stay focused on the positive. ❖ They have fun together (going for long drives, picnics, trekking, vacations etc.) because the family members genuinely enjoy each other’s company. # Building Strong Family Relationships: Following are some suggestions to help strengthen family relationships and ensure that there is natural growth and bonding within family: ▪ Spend regular quality time together as a whole family and with each child, even if it is for a few minutes each day. ▪ Show affection (e.g., hugs, kisses, kind words or a pat on the back). ▪ Offer help and support to one another. ▪ Do fun things (e.g., crack jokes, play ‘Antakshari’ etc.) and laugh together. ▪ Share values and engage in family rituals (e.g., family dinners, weekend walks or movie nights) to build a sense of belonging. ▪ Talk to each other. ▪ Tell each other what you like about your family. ▪ Have family discussions to organise family events (family picnics, vacations and others) and to work through difficulties. ▪ Try to listen, understand and respect each other’s feelings. ▪ Try to include children in decisions affecting them; give younger children choices to help them make a decision. ▪ Teach problem-solving skills to children so that they become more confident at resolving their own conflicts. ▪ Set examples and send clear messages to children so that they learn how to treat family members (e.g., speaking in a calm voice even when one disagrees with a family member). ▪ Recognise and appreciate that everyone in the family will have different likes, needs and wants and this may sometimes create challenges within the family. ▪ Make time to connect with long distance family members by phone, email, or video calls. Staying in touch with people outside of one’s home will help one feel more connected to them. ▪ Get support from relatives, friends or professionals when one is finding it difficult to meet the demands of family members. # Values Important in Family Relationships: Following are the important values in family relationships – (1) Trust. (2) Respect. (3) Affection. (4) Care. (5) Guidance. (6) Admiration. (7) Glory. (8) Gratitude. (9) Love. (1) Trust: ❖ It refers to reliance and confidence in the other person. ❖ It refers to the belief that someone is good and honest and will not harm you. ❖ It is possible to ensure this for everyone with right understanding and intention. ❖ It is important to differentiate between the Intention (wanting to) and the Competence (ability to do so). ❖ The intention of the other is usually to make us happy, just like we usually have the intention of wanting the happiness of the other. ❖ But ours’, as well as the other’s competence is lacking, which needs to be developed through proper understanding and practice. ❖ Trust is thus the foundation for all our relationships, and more so for family relationships. ❖ A relationship gets shaken up without trust. (2) Respect: ❖ Every human being wants to respect and be respected. ❖ It refers to “Right Evaluation” of a person. ❖ Mistakes done in evaluation are as follows – (i) Over Evaluation. e.g., my son is the most clever person in this district. (ii) Under Evaluation. e.g., my son is good for nothing. (iii) Otherwise Evaluation. e.g., “you are a donkey”. ❖ People feel disrespected when they are wrongly evaluated. ❖ When we are able to see that the other person is similar to us, we are able to recognise the feeling of respect in the relationship. ❖ If not, we either hold ourselves, more (i.e., at a higher level) or less (i.e., at a lower level) than the other person, and this leads to differentiation. # Types of Differentiation: Various types are – On the basis of Body (1) Gender: ❖ In some societies, we have notions such as respect males more than females, or even the other way round. ❖ Previously, in India many families used to prefer a male child over a female child. (2) Race: ❖ Often, we differentiate on the basis of skin colour – white, brown, black etc. ❖ We also differentiate on the basis of whether the person is of Mongolian race, Aryan race, Dravidian race etc. (3) Age: ❖ Views and opinions of children are often not taken into account while taking decisions in a family. ❖ The younger the child is, the lesser say he/she has in decision-making. ❖ Juniors are often disrespected by the seniors or are not given much importance. (4) Physical Strength: ❖ We usually tend to respect a physically stronger person out of awe or fear. ❖ On the other hand, a physically weaker person is often not given much importance or even respect. He/she may even be made fun of. On the basis of Physical Facilities (1) Wealth: ❖ Society usually pays respect to a person having more money. ❖ Here, we are over-evaluating physical facilities (i.e., physical assets), which are meant to fulfill the needs of the body. (2) Post: ❖ Society often respects a person on the basis of his/her position. ❖ In Indian education, we are usually trained directly or indirectly to earn posts (e.g., Govt. Jobs, IAS Officer etc.) for us to earn respect in society. ❖ In due course of time, we tend to believe that proper respect can be received only if we reach a certain post. On the basis of Beliefs (1) ‘Isms’: ❖ ‘Ism’ means any belief in terms of a ‘thought system’ that we have, or that we have adopted. ❖ Various ‘isms’ are capitalism, socialism, communism etc., which result in differentiation. (2) Sects: ❖ Sects are groups having a set of beliefs which reflects largely in terms of certain traditions and practices. ❖ Following a particular tradition or religion becomes the basis for respect and disrespect in relationship. Harmony in Society Man is a social animal. -Aristotle # What is Society? The term ‘society’ is derived from the Latin word ‘Socius’, which means companionship or friendship. It refers to a group of individuals who have agreed to live together.  A person usually wants to live in the company of others. # Necessity of Society: A society is usually needed for following reasons: ❖ Goal achievement or need fulfillment through different social contacts. ❖ Mental satisfaction through social contacts. ❖ Need for psychological and physical security from society. ❖ On certain occasions, different social actions may be performed with the company of other persons or groups. # Social Roles: Social roles refer to the behaviour patterns expected of individuals in different situations and settings based on their specific position within a social unit. These roles come with rights, responsibilities, expectations, and social norms.  Examples include roles based on family (e.g., parent, sibling), occupation (e.g., teacher, doctor, engineer), or societal functions (e.g., leader, citizen). Social roles are critical in shaping individual behaviour, identity, and social dynamics.  Social roles can contribute to societal stability by creating predictable behaviours and interactions. Hence, social roles are the part people play as members of a social group. In the words of William Shakespeare: All the world is a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits, and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts. # Human Beings as Social Beings: We usually depend (physical, emotional and economic) on others for our survival. Much of our behaviour is learnt through socialisation. We are social actors and group members.  We are surrounded by existing patterns of culture and social structures. # Responsibilities of an Individual as Social Being: Some of the responsibilities are – ❖ Make decisions based on what is good for the greatest number of people (Utilitarianism) (e.g., not throwing banana skins on roads, not spitting in public places etc.). ❖ Make decisions with a belief that everyone has a fundamental right that should be respected and protected. ❖ Treat everyone fairly and consistently. ❖ Behave ethically in society. ❖ Make sure that one’s action does not affect the environment in a negative manner. ❖ One must avoid engaging in socially harmful acts. ❖ Engage in social welfare and charity acts whenever possible. # Role Strain vs. Role Conflict: Role Strain and Role Conflict are related concepts representing difficulties faced by individuals in fulfilling social roles. Role Strain refers to the stress an individual faces when failing to meet the expectations of a specific social role. e.g., a manager failing to manage multiple tasks properly.  Role Conflict refers to the stress an individual faces when facing conflicting demands from multiple social roles. e.g., a working mother feels conflict between being a good employee and a good mother. She feels guilty for being at work instead of at home with her kids, but also needs to work to feed her kids. # Strategies for Dealing with Role Strain and Role Conflict: Various strategies are – (1) Compartmentalizing: Try to restrict your roles to specific contexts. For example, do office work only at the office and do not carry it to home (prioritising the spouse/parent role). (2) Delegation/Resignation: Give some of your responsibilities to other individuals, say a working parent hiring a caretaker. Or, you may altogether leave a position, and, if needed, take a new role that is less stressful. (3) Avoiding interruptions: Block out time to focus on a single role, say a manager avoiding meetings while working on an important project. In this way, one can complete all tasks associated with one role (employee) and then focus on another (parent). # Harmony from Family to World Family – Undivided Society: In the family, we learn to recognise relationship, the definite feelings or the values and learn how to fulfill them.  The evaluation that takes place mutually in close relationships leading to mutual happiness, instills a confidence in us that we can live the right way with other human beings. This confidence unless ensured, we remain shaky in relationships.  If we do not understand the values in relationship, we are governed by our petty prejudices and conditionings. We may treat people as high or low based on their body. We may treat someone lowly as he/she belongs to a particular caste or gender or race or tribe.  Similarly, we may differentiate on the basis of wealth one possesses or the belief system that one follows. All this is source of injustice and leads to a fragmented society while our natural acceptance is for an undivided society (feeling of being related to every human being) and universal human order (feeling of being related to other human beings and entities of nature).  Having explored the harmony in self, we are able to explore the harmony in the family. This in turn enables us to understand the harmony at the level of society and nature/existence. And in this way, the harmony in our living grows. We slowly get the competence to live in harmony with all human beings.  By living in relationships in the family, we get the occasion to gain the assurance that the other person is an aid to me and not a hindrance. On getting this assurance, it is easy to see that society is an extension of the family and that it is possible to live in harmony with every human being – thus laying the foundation for an undivided human race – from family order to world family order. # Response and Reaction: If we look at our living today, it is largely in ‘reaction’ mode, and not in ‘response’ mode. Due to lack of proper understanding of relationships, we keep reacting to the behaviour of the other person, and hence we are at the mercy of the situation.  Only when we recognise the relationships in terms of appropriate values, we will be ‘responding’ to every situation and to every person in the right way. Thank You