Reflect & Relate: An Introduction to Interpersonal Communication (6th ed) PDF

Making Relationship Choices videos take communication to the next level. The Making Relationship Choices feature includes professionally shot videos of challenging interpersonal situations and self-assessment questions on LaunchPad. To get the most out of this feature: Read the Makin...

Making Relationship Choices videos take communication to the next level. The Making Relationship Choices feature includes professionally shot videos of challenging interpersonal situations and self-assessment questions on LaunchPad. To get the most out of this feature: Read the Making Relationship Choices background in the text or e-book. React to the situation. Watch a video called “The Other Side” that shows an alternative point of view. Consider that there are two sides to every encounter. Reevaluate your initial response through self-assessment questions. Build a deeper sense of empathy and understanding. How would you react to your best friend who’s been making some questionable choices and posting about them on Facebook? What’s the deal with the guy in your study group who’s always late to meetings and doesn’t seem to take the group seriously? Things have been tense between you and your brother since your grandmother died — and now he’s not even speaking to you. Your cousin Britney crashed her car and dropped out of college. What is going on with her? You’ve never been that close with your dad, but things got worse last weekend. Your friend Karina is back from the Peace Corps, but she’s not the same. Making Relationship Choices by chapter Chapter 1: Introducing Interpersonal Communication: Kaitlyn’s story Chapter 2: Considering Self: Jonathan’s story Chapter 3: Perceiving Others: Dylan’s story Chapter 4: Experiencing and Expressing Emotions: Sam’s story Chapter 5: Understanding Culture: Mom’s story Chapter 6: Understanding Gender: Derek’s story Chapter 7: Listening Actively: Ana’s story Chapter 8: Communicating Verbally: Britney’s story Chapter 9: Communicating Nonverbally: Dakota’s story Chapter 10: Managing Conflict and Power: Devdas’s story Chapter 11: Relationships with Romantic Partners: Javi’s story Chapter 12: Relationships with Family Members: Dad’s story Chapter 13: Relationships with Friends: Karina’s story Chapter 14: Relationships in the Workplace: Elizabeth’s story Accessibility Macmillan Learning is committed to the goal of providing equal access to all products regardless of an individual’s age, ability, or situation and embraces the opportunity to develop services and information technologies that are accessible and usable by all individuals. 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Director of Digital Production: Keri deManigold Advanced Media Product Manager: D. Rand Thomas Composition: Lumina Datamatics, Inc. Cover Images: (Front cover and back, right; Title Page) Ranta Images/iStock/Getty Images; (back, left) Eskay Lim/EyeEm/Getty Images Copyright © 2022, 2019, 2016, 2013 by Bedford/St. Martin’s. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, except as may be permitted by law or expressly permitted in writing by the Publisher. Library of Congress Control Number: 2021937332 ISBN 978-1-319-39552-0 (mobi) 1 2 3 4 5 6 26 25 24 23 22 21 Acknowledgments Acknowledgments and copyrights appear on the same page as the text and art selections they cover; these acknowledgments and copyrights constitute an extension of the copyright page. At the time of publication all internet URLs published in this text were found to accurately link to their intended website. If you do find a broken link, please forward the information to [email protected] so that it can be corrected for the next printing. For information, write: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 75 Arlington Street, Boston, MA 02116 Reflect & Relate, Sixth Edition, connects to the learning outcomes of the National Communication Association (NCA) In 2018, the National Communication Association (NCA) published learning outcomes for courses within the discipline. Below you can see how these learning outcomes apply to Reflect & Relate, Sixth Edition. NCA Relevant Coverage in Reflect & Relate, Sixth Edition Outcome Learning Foundational communication concepts are discussed in Chapter 1: Outcome #1: Introducing Interpersonal Communication. After defining Describe the communication and describing its main characteristics, a thorough communication exploration of interpersonal communication reveals the features of this discipline and specific communication type, along with the principles and motives its central embedded within them. Issues surrounding interpersonal questions. communication are also introduced, including culture, gender, sexual orientation, mediated contexts, and challenges in interpersonal relationships. Learning Reflect & Relate combines classic and contemporary theory in every Outcome #2: chapter, from Knapp’s (1984) stages of relationship development Employ (Chapter 11) and Orbe’s (1998) Co-Cultural Communication Theory communication (Chapter 5) to Blum, Mmari, and Moreau’s (2017) research on the theories, impact of varying gender expectations on adolescence around the perspectives, globe (Chapter 6). Each Making Relationship Choices case study principles, and encourages you to reflect on the concepts you’ve encountered concepts. throughout the chapter, and apply what you have learned to a difficult communication situation. Learning In LaunchPad for Reflect & Relate, you’ll find bonus content, Outcome #3: “Research in Interpersonal Communication,” which introduces you to Engage in the approaches communication scholars take when conducting communication research and developing theories, as well as when it is appropriate to inquiry. employ each method. Learning In Chapter 1, you’ll learn that competent interpersonal communication Outcome #4: is tied to appropriateness, the degree to which your communication Create matches the accepted norms for a given audience, purpose, or messages context. Throughout the rest of the text, you’ll learn the necessary appropriate to skills for communicating appropriately — particularly in the Skills the audience, Practice feature and Making Relationship Choices case studies — purpose, and whether you are managing a conflict with a family member, offering context. empathy to a friend, or advocating for yourself with your supervisor at work. Learning One of the primary ways to begin critically analyzing messages is Outcome #5: through active listening, which is covered in Chapter 7. In this chapter, Critically you’ll learn the differences between hearing and listening, as well as analyze how you can improve your listening during each stage of the process, messages. from limiting opportunities for multitasking to paraphrasing what your communication partner has said. In addition, Chapter 3 is devoted exclusively to perception, where you’ll learn how improving your perception-checking skills can also improve your ability to analyze the messages you receive. Learning Each chapter’s Making Relationship Choices case study feature takes Outcome #6: you through a five-step process in which you draw on the Demonstrate communication concepts you’ve learned throughout the chapter to the ability to manage a difficult situation with loved ones, peers, or colleagues. At accomplish the end of each case study, you’ll measure your self-efficacy by communicative evaluating the appropriateness, effectiveness, and ethics of your goals (self- communication, and reflect on what you could have done differently to efficacy). accomplish your goal. Learning As with appropriateness, ethics is highlighted as one of the key Outcome #7: components of competent interpersonal communication. Chapter 1 Apply ethical defines ethics as the set of moral principles that guide our communication communicative behaviors. Throughout the text, you’ll consider how principles and ethics plays a role in the way you communicate with others and practices. manage difficult situations. The NCA’s official “Credo for Ethical Communication” is also included in Chapter 1. Learning The emphasis of Chapter 5: Understanding Culture is on embracing Outcome #8: difference in order to dismantle the divisions we perceive with others. Utilize This chapter explores the influence of cultural variations on communication communication, and how understanding these can help us to to embrace communicate meaningfully with those who we perceive as different. difference. Learning While Reflect & Relate focuses on interpersonal communication, rather Outcome #9: than public discourse, you can easily purchase access to our public Influence speaking titles at store.macmillanlearning.com. Our Essential Guide public to Rhetoric is available at an affordable price, and will help you create discourse. messages capable of impacting audiences and influencing public life. preface One of the greatest blessings we all experience as teachers of interpersonal communication is the chance to connect with an array of interesting, complicated, and diverse people. Each term, a new window of contact opens. As we peer through it on that first day, we see the faces of those who will comprise our class. They are strangers to us at that moment, but over the weeks that follow, they become individuated people. We learn the names that symbolize their now-familiar faces, as well as their unique identities. And because it’s an interpersonal class, we also learn their stories, as well as the aspirations that urge them to lean forward in knowledge- anticipation. Then the term ends, the window closes, and the shade is drawn. All that remains are the after-images imprinted on the retina of our memories: Alex, who came out of the closet — but only to you; Lourdes, who, as the first in her family to attend college, brought to your class all the hopes and dreams of multiple generations. The people we come to call our students share a common bond that serves to connect them: they all want to improve their relationships. They bring to our classes romantic heartbreaks, family rifts, friendship betrayals, and bullying bosses; and they look to us to give them practical, relevant knowledge that will empower them to choose wisely in dealing with these challenges. The legacy of such impact may be found in their emails and social media messages to us months, and even years, later: “I just wanted you to know that your class changed my life!” Like many of you, we also have had these former students ask, “How do you stay passionate about teaching, after doing it for so many years?” (We’ve been team-teaching the intro-to-interpersonal class together every semester for more than two decades.) Our answer is always the same. Our passion for this class stems from its potential for transformative impact. That is, the skills and knowledge that we all — as interpersonal communication instructors — bring to our students have the potential to transform their lives in powerful, positive ways. The idea of not being thrilled about sharing this life- changing material is inconceivable! And it’s our passion for this content that motivated us to write Reflect & Relate. When Steve wrote the very first edition of Reflect & Relate, he wanted to provide his fellow teachers and their students with a textbook that was welcoming, friendly, personal, trustworthy, and practical — a book that was rock-solid in content; represented the finest of new and classic scholarship in our discipline; and provided a clear sense of the field as a domain of scientific endeavor, not just “common sense.” He also wanted a book that didn’t read like a typical textbook but was so engaging that students might read through entire chapters before they realized they had done so. And, of course, his core mission was creating a book that didn’t just tell students what to do but taught students how to systematically reason through interpersonal communication challenges. Students could walk away from reading it knowing how to solve their own problems and flexibly adapt to dynamic changes in contexts and relationships. Starting with the Fifth Edition, Kelly officially joined Reflect & Relate as a co-author — but this was really a formal recognition of a role that Kelly had long held as a writer, a thinker, and an adviser on the text. For instance, the very title of the book, Reflect & Relate, was Kelly’s idea, as was the concept of bolstering students’ critical self- reflection abilities by including Self-Reflection exercises in the margins, and adding “The Other Side” to the Making Relationship Choices feature. And dozens of the most beloved illustrative examples that have given the book its vibrant and engaging readability — such as Gospel for Teens, St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, and the friendship between Supreme Court justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia — are Kelly’s inspirations. Her tireless work ethic and her broad expertise with regard to gender and communication have helped Reflect & Relate better fulfill its original mission of engaging students while providing them with the very best scholarship in the field. The revision of this Sixth Edition of Reflect & Relate took place during an unprecedented time in our collective experience: the COVID-19 pandemic. As you know, many instructors (including us) have taught online for the very first time, while others were already teaching online but have found new ways to support their teaching and our students’ learning. Some of us have taught synchronously; others asynchronously; others a mix of both. Taking into account this enormous variety of experiences, we decided that what our users would need most in these uncertain times is stability in their learning materials. Therefore, we have decided not to make any changes to the organization of our table of contents: our chapters are still in the same order as in the Fifth Edition. What we have done in this Sixth Edition is threefold. First, we have thoroughly updated the scholarship and theory cited in every chapter, as you have come to expect from Reflect & Relate. But this time, we have gone even further, bringing in over 300 new research citations throughout the text on the most relevant, engaging topics like gender equity and health, the impact of mobile devices on trust and intimacy, the pressure to be constantly “connected” in the workplace, and proven methods to combat anxiety and feelings of isolation (to name just a few!). Second, we believe it is now more important than ever to emphasize the importance of relational maintenance and staying connected with the people we care about. Research indicates that even before the COVID-19 crisis, loneliness, anxiety, and feelings of social isolation had been increasing in the United States and in many countries worldwide — and that these increases have been especially pronounced among young people. Further, research suggests that these negative experiences — loneliness, anxiety, isolation — are exacerbated by too much time spent on screens. Yet at the same time, screens are also a primary modality that helps us stay connected with our loved ones. In this revision, we recognize that a central challenge going forward will be to balance the use of mediated communication in our relationships — using it to maintain closeness with others while being aware that too much screen time can be detrimental. With all this in mind, in this Sixth Edition, we continually return to the idea that our interpersonal skills cultivate our social connections, and that these connections in turn allow us to reap the rewards of emotional, mental, and physical well-being. All of the examples and instructional material are designed to give students the skills they need to create and maintain these social connections. The third major change we have made in the Sixth Edition centers on our Editorial Board for Diversity, Inclusion, and Culturally Responsive Pedagogy. For Reflect & Relate, this editorial board consists of seven communication instructors from across the United States, each of whom has brought invaluable experience, insight, and perspective to the revision. The board’s mission is to guide our development of the text to ensure that the Sixth Edition welcomes all students and instructors, and that the perspectives included in the learning materials truly reflect the diversity of students and instructors in today’s classrooms. You will see the results of the board’s thoughtful feedback in the text and photos throughout the book. We extend our heartfelt thanks to each of the members; we could not have achieved this revision without their guidance. We are thrilled about all that Reflect & Relate, Sixth Edition, has to offer you and your students, and we would love to hear what you think about this new edition. Please feel free to drop us a line at [email protected] or [email protected] so that we can chat about the book and the course, or just talk shop about teaching interpersonal communication. What’s New in the Sixth Edition? The sixth edition of Reflect & Relate is digital- forward, covering the most important topics in interpersonal communication and connecting them to digital media. The sixth edition has been extensively revised with the guidance of our Editorial Board for Diversity, Inclusion, and Culturally Responsive Pedagogy. This team of seven communication scholars has advised the authors and editors throughout the revision to ensure that Reflect & Relate speaks to all students and instructors. With the board’s guidance, we have revised coverage and examples throughout the book to ensure that diverse, inclusive perspectives are represented. Updated coverage of culture in Chapter 5 and throughout the text. The sixth edition has been updated to reflect current conversation surrounding culture, with revised coverage of intersectionality and prejudice in Chapter 5 and an emphasis on embracing cultural difference to dismantle perceived distance. Throughout the text, new examples illustrate the influence of culture on self and perception. This edition includes many new and revised Focus on Culture features, which further spotlight the importance of culture — and of communicating competently with a diverse array of people of various identities and cultural backgrounds.  Updated coverage of mediated communication meets students where they are: online. Whether via video call, text, tweet, or note, learning appropriate digital communication skills is vital to competent communication. Specific examples dedicated to mediated communication help students refine and improve their daily use of communication technologies. Reflect & Relate offers new content in areas that interest students the most. Topics like phubbing, workplace telepressure, and the impact of mobile devices on intimacy and disclosure can be found in every chapter. This content reflects issues of concern for today’s students and represents the very best scholarship within the field of interpersonal communication. Current, powerful stories and images hook students’ interest. Reflect & Relate is full of new, current, and relatable examples that students will want to read. The text and photo program draw from pop culture — everything from Outlander to Red Table Talk — as well as current events and real stories from the authors and their students to provide content that resonates and is easy to show and discuss in class. New chapter openers spotlight diverse and compelling stories. These include a discussion of playwright Lin-Manuel Miranda’s use of language to promote inclusion and understanding of U.S. history in his Broadway smash-hit Hamilton; a look at Fred Rogers’s use of active listening to break down racial barriers in Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood; and the legend of Zhinu and Niulang (the Cowherd and the Weaver), its significance as a story of romance, and its influence on the modern-day Qixi festival in China. Flagship Features Reflect & Relate offers an accessible, innovative look at the discipline. Reflect & Relate presents a fresh perspective on interpersonal communication. Discussions of classic and cutting-edge scholarship from interpersonal communication, psychology, sociology, philosophy, and linguistics are woven together. Unlike other texts, Reflect & Relate continues to focus on how these concepts are linked to interpersonal communication and how communication skills can be improved. Reflect & Relate balances current topics with classic coverage. The text integrates coverage of social media, smartphones and intimacy, multitasking online, and other novel topics with foundational subjects like self-awareness, conflict approaches, and nonverbal communication codes. Integrated discussions on culture and gender appear in every chapter. Reflect & Relate treats individual and cultural influences as integral parts of the story by discussing the myths and realities of how gender, ethnicity, race, sexual orientation, religion, and age shape communication. Reflect & Relate offers clear explanations, engaging examples, and an attractive art program. Major concepts are illustrated with examples drawn from pop culture, history, current events, and everyday life — examples that reflect the diversity  of students themselves in terms of age, gender, lifestyle, occupation, and culture. Meanwhile, the appealing and pedagogically sound art program works with the examples to grab students’ attention and focus them on the subject at hand. Reflect & Relate helps students look more deeply at themselves — and develop skills for a lifetime. Self-Reflection questions foster critical self-awareness. Self-awareness is essential for competent communication, and carefully placed Self-Reflection questions show students how to examine their own experiences and communication in light of theory and research. As a result, students gain a better understanding of concepts — such as emotional intelligence, stereotyping, and relationship ethics — and of themselves. Skills Practice exercises strengthen students’ abilities. Every chapter includes three Skills Practice exercises — one devoted to online communication — that give step-by-step instruction on practical skills, such as appropriately self- disclosing and interpreting nonverbal codes. Skills Practice activities are specifically designed to make it easy for students to implement them in their everyday lives. Focus on Culture boxes and Self-Quiz exercises help students gain knowledge about their own communication. Focus on Culture boxes challenge students to think about how the influence of their own culture shapes their communication.  Rooted in research, Self-Quiz exercises help students analyze their strengths and weaknesses so that they can focus on how to improve their communication. Reflect & Relate helps students improve their relationships. Romantic, family, friend, and workplace relationships are explored. Tailoring communication strategies to specific relationships is both essential and challenging, so Reflect & Relate devotes four full chapters to these key communication contexts, giving students in-depth knowledge along with practical strategies for using communication to improve their relationships. Special emphasis is given to relationship maintenance — a key relational concern many students bring to the classroom. Unique Making Relationship Choices case studies take application to a new level. These activities challenge students to draw on their knowledge when facing difficult relationship issues and to create their own solutions. Instead of just asking students, “What would you do?” or offering them solutions, Making Relationship Choices walks students step-by-step through realistic scenarios — critically self-reflecting, considering others’ perspectives, determining best outcomes, and identifying potential roadblocks — to make informed communication decisions. They then have the opportunity to experience “the other side” of the story by going online to watch a first-person account of the situation. Becoming aware of both sides of the story allows students to broaden their perspective and reevaluate their initial reaction and response. A Multifaceted Digital Experience Brings It All Together LaunchPad helps students learn, study, and apply communication concepts. Digital resources for Reflect & Relate are available in LaunchPad, a dynamic platform that combines the e-book with LearningCurve adaptive quizzing; a collection of video clips illustrating key terms and concepts from the text; self-assessments; chapter quizzes; journal activities; and more. LaunchPad comes with pre-built, easy- to-assign units for each chapter in the book that support instructors teaching face-to-face and online — both synchronously and asynchronously. LaunchPad can be packaged with Reflect & Relate, or it can be purchased separately. LearningCurve provides adaptive quizzing and a personalized learning program. In every chapter, call-outs prompt students to tackle the game-like LearningCurve quizzes to test their knowledge and reinforce learning of the material. Based on research on how students learn, LearningCurve motivates students to engage with course materials, while the reporting tools let you see what content students have mastered, allowing you to adapt your teaching plan to their needs. Making Relationship Choices videos help students see “the other side” of the scenario, helping them develop empathy and boost their communication competence. Videos help students see concepts in action and encourage self-reflection. Accompanying reflection questions help students apply the term or concept illustrated in each video to their own experiences. More than 70 video activities are easily assignable and make useful journal prompts or discussion starters. For ideas on how to integrate videos into your course, see the Instructor’s Resource Manual. To access the videos, and for a complete list of available clips, see the last page of this book or visit macmillanlearning.com/reflectrelate6e Digital and Print Formats Whether it’s print, digital, or a value option, choose the best format for you. For more information on these resources, please visit the online catalog at macmillanlearning.com/reflectrelate6e. LaunchPad for Reflect & Relate dramatically enhances teaching and learning. LaunchPad combines the full e-book, videos, quizzes and self-assessments, instructor’s resources, and LearningCurve adaptive quizzing. Package LaunchPad with the print version of Reflect & Relate, or order LaunchPad on its own. The Loose-leaf Edition of Reflect & Relate features the print text in a convenient, budget-priced format, designed to fit into a three-ring binder. The loose-leaf version also can be packaged with LaunchPad. Reflect & Relate is available as a print text. To get the most out of the book, package LaunchPad with the text. E-books. Reflect & Relate is available as an e-book for use on computers, tablets, and e-readers. SFor more information on these resources or to learn about package options, please visit the online catalog at macmillanlearning.com/reflectrelate6e Resources for Instructors For more information or to order or download the instructor’s resources, please visit the online catalog. The Instructor’s Resource Manual, Test Bank, Lecture Slides, and iClicker Questions are also available in LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com Online Instructor’s Resource Manual for Reflect & Relate, Sixth Edition, by Curt VanGeison (St. Charles Community College), Joseph Ortiz (Scottsdale Community College), and Marion Boyer (Kalamazoo Valley Community College, Emeritus). The comprehensive Instructor’s Resource Manual includes teaching notes on managing an interpersonal communication course, organization, and assessment; sample syllabi; advice on teaching multilingual students; and tips for using the pedagogical features of Reflect & Relate. In addition, a teaching guide provides suggestions for implementing the book’s thorough coverage of cultural issues. Every chapter also includes lecture outlines and class discussion starters, class and group exercises, assignment suggestions, video and music recommendations, and website links. Test Bank for Reflect & Relate, Sixth Edition, by Charles J. Korn (Northern Virginia Community College). This test bank is one of the largest for the introductory interpersonal communication course, with more than 100 multiple-choice, true/false, and essay questions for every chapter. This easy-to-use test bank also identifies the level of difficulty for each question and includes the section in which the answer may be found. Lecture slides provide support for important concepts addressed in each chapter. The slides are available for download in LaunchPad and from the online catalog. iClicker, Active Learning Simplified. iClicker offers simple, flexible tools to help you give students a voice and facilitate active learning in the classroom. Students can participate with the devices they already bring to class using our iClicker Reef mobile apps (which work with smartphones, tablets, or laptops) or iClicker remotes. iClicker is integrated with LaunchPad to make it easier than ever to synchronize grades and promote engagement — both in and out of class. iClicker Reef access cards can also be packaged with LaunchPad for Reflect & Relate, Sixth Edition, at a significant savings for your students. To learn more, talk to your Macmillan Learning representative or visit us at www.iclicker.com Communication in the Classroom: A Collection of G.I.F.T.S., by John S. Seiter, Jennifer Peeples, and Matthew L. Sanders (Utah State University). This resource includes a collection of over 100 powerful ideas for classroom activities. Many activities are designed specifically for the interpersonal communication course, and all activities have been submitted by instructors who have tested and perfected them in their classrooms. Each activity includes a detailed explanation and debrief, drawing on the instructor’s experiences. Teaching Interpersonal Communication, Second Edition, by Elizabeth J. Natalle (University of North Carolina–Greensboro) and Alicia Alexander (Southern Illinois University Edwardsville). Written by award-winning instructors, this essential resource provides all the tools instructors need to develop, teach, and manage a successful interpersonal communication course. New and seasoned instructors alike will benefit from the practical advice, scholarly insight, and suggestions for integrating research and practice into the classroom — as well as the new chapter dedicated to teaching online. Coordinating the Communication Course: A Guidebook, by Deanna Fassett and John Warren. This guidebook offers the most practical advice on every topic central to the coordinator/director role. First setting a strong foundation, this professional resource continues with thoughtful guidance, tips, and best practices on such crucial topics as creating community across multiple sections, orchestrating meaningful assessment, and hiring and training instructors. Model course materials, recommended readings, and insights from successful coordinators make this resource a must- have for anyone directing a course in communication. The Macmillan Learning Communication Community. This new online space for instructor development and engagement houses resources to support your teaching, such as class activities, video assignments, and invitations to conferences and webinars. Connect with our team, our authors, and other instructors through online discussions and blog posts at community.macmillan.com/community/communication Resources for Students The Essential Guide Series. This series gives instructors flexibility and support in designing courses by providing brief booklets that begin with a useful overview and then address the essential concepts and skills that students need. Topics that may interest interpersonal communication students include intercultural communication, group communication, and rhetoric. For more information, go to macmillanlearning.com Media Career Guide: Preparing for Jobs in the 21st Century, by Sherri Hope Culver (Temple University). Practical, student-friendly, and revised to include the most recent statistics on the job market, this guide includes a comprehensive directory of media jobs, practical tips, and career guidance for students considering a major in the media industry. Acknowledgments We would like to thank everyone at Bedford/St. Martin’s who was involved in this project and whose support made it possible, especially Vice President of Humanities Editorial Leasa Burton, Senior Program Director Erika Gutierrez, and Program Manager Allen Cooper. A heartfelt thank you to our Development Editor, Will Stonefield, who optimistically guided our revision process during the uncertainty of the COVID-19 pandemic. You supported us as a sounding board and wizardly word-smith, challenged us to do our very best work, and expanded our community of voices. Thanks to the rest of the editorial team who worked with us throughout the process, including Media Editor Nicole Erazo and Assistant Editor Bill Yin. The book also would not have come together without the efforts of Lead Content Project Manager Won McIntosh, who oversaw the book’s tight schedule; and Media Project Manager Training Specialist Allison Hart, who facilitated the production of all components of LaunchPad. The enthusiasm and support from Executive Marketing Manager Scott Guile and the entire Macmillan Learning sales force are particularly appreciated. On a more personal level, we thank all those who assisted us with the book during its development, and all those who collaborated with us in contributing their extraordinary stories to the text: Melissa Seligman, Vy Higginsen, Jennifer Andrews, Brenda Villa, Eric Staib, Vivian Derr, and Silvia Amaro. We would like to thank our Chair, Tim Levine, and our colleagues and administrators at UAB, for their professional support of this project: we can’t begin to tell you how much it means to work at an institution that values the writing of books! And thanks to our three sons — Kyle, Colin, and Conor — who have blessed and enriched our lives more than words on a page could ever express, continuing to inspire us each day, and who fill our lives with laughter, pride, and love. Throughout the development of this textbook, hundreds of interpersonal communication instructors voiced their opinion through surveys, focus groups, and reviews of the manuscript, and we thank them all. A special thank-you goes to the dedicated members of the Editorial Board for Diversity, Inclusion, and Culturally Responsive Pedagogy (DICR Board): Tim Brown, Queens University of Charlotte; Tasha Davis, Austin Community College; Danielle Harkins, Germanna Community College; Tina Harris, University of Georgia; Rody Randon, Phoenix College; and Myra Washington, University of New Mexico. An extra-special thank-you goes to S. Lizabeth Martin, Palm Beach State College, who expertly consulted on changes to particular sections of the manuscript. The DICR Board’s thoughtful feedback has allowed us to shape the Sixth Edition of Reflect & Relate into an even better, more inclusive, and more useful resource for students and instructors. We would also like to thank everyone not named above who participated in reviews, surveys, and focus groups from the first edition of Reflect & Relate to today. For the sixth edition: Richard Baca, Luna Community College; Lisa Bamber, Otero Junior College; Jennifer Becker, University of Alabama Tuscaloosa; Angela Blais, University of Minnesota-Duluth; Kristin Carlson, University of Minnesota-Duluth; Chantele Carr, Estrella Mountain Community College; Bethany Chambers, Southwestern Michigan College; Wade Cornelius, Park University; Rowdy Duncan, Phoenix College; Jenny Farrell, University of Nevada Las Vegas; Stacy Fitzpatrick, North Hennepin Community College; Laura Glasbrenner, Mineral Area College; Sally Hastings, University of Central Florida; Eric Holmes, Valencia College; Anastacia Janovec, University of Georgia; Alexis Johnson, Arkansas Tech University; Caleb Lamont, Colby College; Peter Landino, Terra State Community College; Peter Lee, California State University Fullerton; Karen McGrath, The College of Saint Rose; Rachel Murdock, Des Moines Area Community College; Gregory Rickert, Bluegrass Community and Technical College; Kelly Rossetto, Boise State University; Pamela Sanger, California State University Sacramento; Tanika Smith, Prince George’s Community College; Craig Stark, Susquehanna University; Tara Thornton, Southern Illinois University Edwardsville; Charlotte Toguchi, Kapiolani Community College. For the fifth edition: Julie Ahasay, University of Minnesota; Alicia Alexander, Southern Illinois University, Edwardsville; Tenisha Baca, Glendale Community College; Laurie Brady, University of Arkansas; Kelli Chromey, South Dakota State University; Tina Harris, University of Georgia; Carrie Kennedy-Lightsey, Stephen F. Austin State University; Sharon Martin, Palm Beach State College; Susan McDaniel, Loyola Marymount University; Marguerite Parker, Pitt Community College; Leesha Thrower, Cincinnati State Community College. For the fourth edition: Christine Armstrong, Northampton County Area Community College, Monroe Campus; Courtney Atkins, Union County College; Diane Badzinski, Colorado Christian University; Patrick Barton, Lone Star College; Cassandra Carlson, University of Wisconsin, Madison; Allison Edgley, Union County College; Zach Frohlich, Tarrant County College, Northwest Campus; David Fusani, Erie Community College; Valerie Manno Giroux, University of Miami; Annette Hamel, Western Michigan University; Cherlyn Kipple, Union County College; Melanie Lea, Bossier Parish Community College; Susan McDaniel, Loyola Marymount University; Neil Moura, MiraCosta College; Ruth Spillberg, Curry College; Lindsay Timmerman, University of Wisconsin, Madison; Curt VanGeison, St. Charles Community College. For the third edition: Ashley Fitch Blair, Union University; Angela Blais, University of Minnesota, Duluth; Deborah Brunson, University of North Carolina, Wilmington; Cassandra Carlson, University of Wisconsin, Madison; Kristin Carlson, University of Minnesota, Duluth; Janet Colvin, Utah Valley University; Andrew Cuneo, University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee; Melissa Curtin, University of California, Santa Barbara; Paige Davis, Cy-Fair College; Sherry Dewald, Red Rocks Community College; Marcia D. Dixson, Indiana University–Purdue University, Fort Wayne; Jean Farrell, University of Maryland; David Gaer, Laramie County Community College; Jodi Gaete, Suffolk County Community College; Carla Gesell-Streeter, Cincinnati State Technical and Community College; Valerie Manno Giroux, University of Miami; Neva Gronert, Arapahoe Community College; Katherine Gronewold, North Dakota State University; Virginia Hamilton, University of California, Davis; Kristin Haun, University of Tennessee, Knoxville; Doug Hurst, St. Louis Community College, Meramec; Nicole Juranek, Iowa Western Community College; Janice Krieger, Ohio State University; Gary Kuhn, Chemekata Community College; Melanie Lea-Birck, Bossier Parish Community College; Myra Luna Lucero, University of New Mexico; Sorin Nastasia, Southern Illinois University Edwardsville; David Naze, Prairie State College; Gretchen Norling, University of West Florida; Laura Oliver, University of Texas, San Antonio; Lance Rintamaki, University at Buffalo; Jeanette Ruiz, University of California, Davis; Rebecca Sailor, Aims Community College; Alan H. Shiller, Southern Illinois University Edwardsville; Mara Singer, Red Rocks Community College; Jamie Stech, Iowa Western Community College; Deborah Stieneker, Arapahoe Community College; Kevin Stoller, Indiana University–Purdue University, Fort Wayne; Renee Strom, St. Cloud State University; Deatra Sullivan-Morgan, Elmhurst College; Marcilene Thompson-Hayes, Arkansas State University; Lindsay Timmerman, University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee; Curt VanGeison, St. Charles Community College; Charles Veenstra, Dordt College; Jamie Vega, Full Sail University; Judith Vogel, Des Moines Area Community College; Thomas Wagner, Xavier University. For the second edition: Michael Laurie Bishow, San Francisco State University; Angela Blais, University of Minnesota, Duluth; Judy DeBoer, Inver Hills Community College; Greg Gardner, Rollins College; Jill Gibson, Amarillo College; Betsy Gordon, McKendree University; Robert Harrison, Gallaudet University; Brian Heisterkamp, California State University, San Bernardino; Eileen Hemenway, North Carolina State University; Yanan Ju, Connecticut State University; Beverly Kelly, California Lutheran University; Howard Kerner, Polk Community College; Karen Krumrey-Fulks, Lane Community College; Karen Krupar, Metro State College of Denver; Gary Kuhn, Chemeketa Community College; Victoria Leonard, College of the Canyons; Annie McKinlay, North Idaho College; Michaela Meyer, Christopher Newport University; Maureen Olguin, Eastern New Mexico University, Roswell; James Patterson, Miami University; Evelyn Plummer, Seton Hall University; Laurie Pratt, Chaffey College; Narissra M. Punyanunt-Carter, Texas Tech University; Thomas Sabetta, Jefferson Community College; Bridget Sampson, California State University, Northridge; Cami Sanderson, Ferris State University; Rhonda Sprague, University of Wisconsin, Stevens Point; Robert Steinmiller, Henderson State University; Deborah Stieneker, Arapahoe Community College; Anita J. Turpin, Roanoke College; Inci Ozum Ucok, Hofstra University; Paula Usrey, Umpqua Community College; Charles Veenstra, Dordt College; Sylvia Walters, Davidson Community College; Michael Xenos, University of Wisconsin, Madison; Phyllis Zrzavy, Franklin Pierce University. For the first edition: A special thank-you goes to the dedicated members of the editorial board, whose commitment to the project was surpassed only by their help in shaping the book: Kathy Adams, California State University, Fresno; Stuart Bonnington, Austin Peay State University; Marion Boyer, Kalamazoo Valley Community College; Tamala Bulger, University of North Carolina; Stephanie Coopman, San Jose State University; Susan Drucker, Hofstra University; Greg Gardner, Rollins College; Kathleen Henning, Gateway Technical College; Sarah Kays, DeVry Institute; Charles J. Korn, Northern Virginia Community College; Karen Krumrey-Fulks, Lane Community College; Gary Kuhn, Chemeketa Community College; Anna Martinez, Reedley College; Elizabeth J. Natalle, University of North Carolina, Greensboro; Randall Pugh, Montana State University; Marta Walz, Elgin Community College; and Cherie White, Muskingum Area Technical College. We would also like to thank everyone else who participated in this process: Alabama: Robert Agne, Auburn University; Jonathan Amsbary, University of Alabama; Angela Gibson Wible, Shelton State Community College; Bill Huddleston, University of North Alabama; James Vickrey, Troy State University. Arizona: Anneliese Harper, Scottsdale Community College; Douglas Kelley, Arizona State University, West; Fred Kester, Yavapai College, Prescott; Mark Lewis, Phoenix College; Joseph Ortiz, Scottsdale Community College. Arkansas: Patricia Amason, University of Arkansas; Jason Hough, John Brown University; Robert Steinmiller, Henderson State University. California: Katherine Adams, California State University, Fresno; Susan Childress, Santa Rosa Junior College; Stephanie J. Coopman, San Jose State University; Kristin Gatto Correia, San Francisco State University; Eve-Anne Doohan, University of San Francisco; Jeannette Duarte, Rio Hondo College; Anne Duran, California State University, Bakersfield; William Eadie, San Diego State University; Allison Evans, California State University, Bakersfield; G. L. Forward, Point Loma Nazarene University; Kimberly Hubbert, Cerritos College; Annika Hylmö, Loyola Marymount University; Cynthia Johnson, College of the Sequoias; Beverly Kelley, California Lutheran University; William Kelly, University of California, Los Angeles; Randall Koper, University of the Pacific; Victoria Leonard, College of the Canyons; Ben Martin, Santa Monica College; Anna Martinez, Reedley College; Lawrence Jerome McGill, Pasadena City College; William F. Owen, California State University, Sacramento; Laurie Pratt, Fullerton College; Catherine Puckering, University of California, Davis; Jose Rodriguez, California State University, Long Beach; Teresa Turner, Shasta College; Jennifer Valencia, San Diego Miramar College; Richard Wiseman, California State University, Fullerton. Colorado: Eric Aoki, Colorado State University; Diane Blomberg, Metropolitan State College of Denver; Cheryl McFarren, Arapahoe Community College; Susan Pendell, Colorado State University; Dwight Podgurski, Colorado Christian University. Connecticut: Yanan Ju, Central Connecticut State University; Hugh McCarney, Western Connecticut State University; William Petkanas, Western Connecticut State University; Terri Toles-Patkin, Eastern Connecticut State University; C. Arthur VanLear, University of Connecticut; Kathryn Wiss, Western Connecticut State University. Florida: Kenneth Cissna, University of South Florida; Ed Coursey, Palm Beach Community College; Susan S. Easton, Rollins College; Greg Gardner, Rollins College; Katherine Nelson, Barry University; Maria Roca, Florida Gulf Coast University; Ann Scroggie, Santa Fe Community College. Georgia: Allison Ainsworth, Gainesville College; Marybeth Callison, University of Georgia; Michael H. Eaves, Valdosta State University; Pamela Hayward, Augusta State University; Gail Reid, University of West Georgia; Jennifer Samp, University of Georgia. Hawaii: Chiung Chen, Brigham Young University, Hawaii; Cailin Kulp O’Riordan, University of Hawaii, Manoa; Alan Ragains, Windward Community College. Idaho: Robyn Bergstrom, Brigham Young University, Idaho; Marcy Horne, Lewis-Clark State College; Annie McKinlay, North Idaho College. Illinois: Leah Bryant, De Paul University; Tim Cole, De Paul University; James Dittus, Elgin Community College; Katy Fonner, Northwestern University; Daena Goldsmith, University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign; Sarah Strom Kays, DeVry Institute; Betty Jane Lawrence, Bradley University; Jody Littleton, Parkland College; Jay Martinson, Nazarene University; Lisa Miczo, Western Illinois University; Willona Olison, Northwestern University; Michael Purdy, Governors State University; Lesa Stern, Southern Illinois University Edwardsville; Marta Walz, Elgin Community College. Indiana: Austin Babrow, Purdue University; Rebecca Bailey, Valparaiso University; Alexandra Corning, University of Notre Dame; John Greene, Purdue University; Krista Hoffmann-Longtin, Indiana University–Purdue University, Indianapolis; Irwin Mallin, Indiana University–Purdue University, Fort Wayne; Janet Morrison, Ivy Tech State College; James H. Tolhuizen, Indiana University Northwest; Ralph Webb, Purdue University. Iowa: Julie Simanski, Des Moines Area Community College; Erik Stroner, Iowa Central Community College; Charles Veenstra, Dordt College. Kansas: David Sherlock, Independence Community College; Richard Stine, Johnson County Community College. Kentucky: Chuck Bryant, University of Kentucky; Joy Hart, University of Louisville; Mona Leonard, Jefferson Community College; Tracy Letcher, University of Kentucky; Gregory Rickert, Bluegrass Community and Technical College; Kandi L.Walker, University of Louisville. Louisiana: Terry M. Cunconan, Louisiana Tech University; Karen Fontenot, Southeastern Louisiana University; Loretta L. Pecchioni, Louisiana State University. Maine: Julie Zink, University of Southern Maine. Maryland: Laura Drake, University of Maryland; Linda Heil, Harford Community College; Audra McMullen, Towson University; Susan Ondercin, Carroll Community College. Massachusetts: Linda Albright, Westfield State College; Clea Andreadis, Middlesex Community College; Jonathan Bowman, Boston College; Elise Dallimore, Northeastern University; Joe Klimavich, Worcester State College; Michael Milburn, University of Massachusetts, Boston; Derrick TePaske, Framingham State College; Nancy Willets, Cape Cod Community College. Michigan: Patricia Amason, Ferris State University; Isolde Anderson, Hope College; Julie Apker, Western Michigan University; Steve Bennett, Washtenaw Community College; Marion Boyer, Kalamazoo Valley Community College; James Cantrill, Northern Michigan University; Robert Loesch, Ferris State University; Jennifer Hubbell Ott, Kalamazoo Valley Community College; Dennis Patrick, Eastern Michigan University; Cami Sanderson-Harris, Ferris State University; Sandi Smith, Michigan State University; Patricia Sotirin, Michigan Technical University. Minnesota: Angela Lynn Blais, University of Minnesota, Duluth; Christa Brown, Minnesota State University, Mankato; Kari Frisch, Central Lakes College; Lori Halverson-Wente, Rochester Community and Technical College; Ascan Koerner, University of Minnesota, Twin Cities; Mariangela Maguire, Gustavus Adolphus College; Minda Orina, University of Minnesota, Twin Cities; Patricia Palmerton, Hamline University; Daniel Paulnock, Saint Paul College; Karri Pearson, Normandale Community College; R. Jeffrey Ringer, St. Cloud State University; Dan West, Rochester Community and Technical College. Missouri: Leigh Heisel, University of Missouri, St. Louis; Lynette Jachowicz, Maple Woods Community College; Virgil Norris, Park University; Jennifer Summary, Southeast Missouri State University. Montana: Randall Pugh, Montana State University, Billings; Julie Robinson, Montana State University, Billings. Nebraska: Karla Jensen, Nebraska Wesleyan University; Chad M. McBride, Creighton University; Lisa Schreiber, Dana College. New Hampshire: Phyllis Zrzavy, Franklin Pierce College. New Jersey: Keith Forrest, Atlantic Cape Community College; Rebecca Sanford, Monmouth University; Madeline Santoro, Union County College. New Mexico: Candace Maher, University of New Mexico; Virginia McDermott, University of New Mexico; Kevin Mitchell, Eastern New Mexico University; Pamela Stovall, University of New Mexico, Gallup. New York: Priya Banerjee, State University of New York, Brockport; Rex Butt, Bronx Community College; Joseph S. Coppolino, Nassau Community College; Susan Drucker, Hofstra University; Diane Ferrero-Paluzzi, Iona College; Douglas Gaerte, Houghton College; Andrew Herman, State University of New York, Geneseo; Patricia Iacobazzo, John Jay College; Anastacia Kurylo, Manhattan Marymount College; Michael Lecesse, State University of New York, New Paltz; Linda Reese, College of Staten Island; Gordon Young, Kingsborough Community College. North Carolina: Melissa Atkinson, Surry Community College; Alessandra Beasley, Wake Forest University; Tamala Bulger, University of North Carolina, Wilmington; Allison Carr, Davidson County Community College; James Manning, Western Carolina State University; Nina- Jo Moore, Appalachian State University; Elizabeth J. Natalle, University of North Carolina, Greensboro; Chris Poulos, University of North Carolina, Greensboro; Melinda Sopher, North Carolina State University. Ohio: Yemi Akande, John Carroll University; Carolyn Anderson, University of Akron; Christina S. Beck, Ohio University; Kathleen Clark, University of Akron; Rozell Duncan, Kent State University; David Foster, University of Findlay; Stephen Haas, University of Cincinnati; William Harpine, University of Akron; Kathryn C. Maguire, Cleveland State University; Lisa Murray- Johnson, Ohio State University; Artemio Ramirez, Ohio State University; Deleasa Randall-Griffiths, Ashland University; Teresa Sabourin, University of Cincinnati; Teresa Thompson, University of Dayton; John Warren, Bowling Green State University; Cherie White, Muskingum Area Technical College (now Zane State College). Oklahoma: Penny Eubank, Oklahoma Christian University; Billy Wolfe Jr., University of Oklahoma. Oregon: Nick Backus, Western Oregon University; Cynthia Golledge, Portland Community College, Sylvania; Karen Krumrey-Fulks, Lane Community College; Gary Kuhn, Chemeketa Community College; Paula Usrey, Umpqua Community College. Pennsylvania: Mary Badami, Bloomsburg University of Pennsylvania; Janet Bodenman, Bloomsburg University of Pennsylvania; Denise Danford, Delaware County Community College; Joseph Donato, Harrisburg Area Community College, Lebanon; Karen Lada, Delaware County Community College; David Paterno, Delaware County Community College; Elaine Zelley, La Salle University. South Carolina: Merissa Ferrara, College of Charleston; Charmaine Wilson, University of South Carolina, Aiken. Tennessee: Stuart Bonnington, Austin Peay State University; Katherine Hendrix, University of Memphis. Texas: Shae Adkins, North Harris College; Richard Bello, Sam Houston State University; Ceilidh Charleson-Jennings, Collin County Community College; Karen Daas, St. Mary’s University; Jill Gibson, Amarillo College; Marian Houser, Texas State University, San Marcos; Shelly D. Lane, Collin County Community College; Laurie Metcalf, Texas A&M University; Mark Morman, Baylor University; John Nicholson, Angelo State University; James Pauff, Tarleton State University; Frank G. Pérez, University of Texas, El Paso; Lori Peterson, St. Edward’s University; Narissra Punyanunt-Carter, Texas Tech University; Juliann Scholl, Texas Tech University; Susan Selk, El Paso Community College; Barbara Yancy-Tooks, El Paso Community College. Utah: Matthew Barton, Southern Utah University; Brian Heuett, Southern Utah University. Vermont: Genevieve Jacobs, Champlain College. Virginia: Melissa Aleman, James Madison University; Jill Jurgens, Old Dominion University; Charles J. Korn, Northern Virginia Community College, Manassas; Melanie Laliker, Bridgewater College; Michaela Meyer, Christopher Newport University; Thomas Morra, Northern Virginia Community College, Annandale; Nan Peck, Northern Virginia Community College, Annandale; Jeffrey Pierson, Bridgewater College; James Roux, Lynchburg College. Washington: Mara Adelman, Seattle University; Margaret Kreiner, Spokane Community College; Mark Murphy, Everett Community College; Roxane Sutherland, Clark College. Washington, D.C.: Robert Harrison, Gallaudet University; Clay Warren, George Washington University. West Virginia: Robert Bookwalter, Marshall University; Matthew Martin, West Virginia University. Wisconsin: Cheri Campbell, University of Wisconsin, Waukesha; Valerie Hennen, Gateway Technical College; Craig Hullett, University of Wisconsin, Madison; Rebecca Imes, Carroll College; Carol Knudson, Gateway Technical College; Lindsay Timmerman, University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee. Finally, no textbook is created by one person. Thank you to the interpersonal communication discipline and its students. brief contents Preface 1 Introducing Interpersonal Communication part one / Interpersonal Essentials 2 Considering Self 3 Perceiving Others 4 Experiencing and Expressing Emotions 5 Understanding Culture 6 Understanding Gender part two / Interpersonal Skills 7 Listening Actively 8 Communicating Verbally 9 Communicating Nonverbally 10 Managing Conflict and Power part three / Interpersonal Relationships 11 Relationships with Romantic Partners 12 Relationships with Family Members 13 Relationships with Friends 14 Relationships in the Workplace Glossary References Name Index Subject Index contents Preface 1 Introducing Interpersonal Communication What Is Communication? Defining Communication Understanding Communication Models What Is Interpersonal Communication? Defining Interpersonal Communication  Principles of Interpersonal Communication Motives for Interpersonal Communication What Is Interpersonal Communication Competence? Understanding Competence Self-Quiz: Test Your Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) Improving Your Mediated Communication Competence Issues in Interpersonal Communication Culture Gender and Sexual Orientation Technologically Mediated Communication Focus on Culture: What Does Culture Mean to You? Challenging Issues in Interpersonal Relationships The Journey Ahead Making Relationship Choices: Dealing with a Difficult Friend Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com part one / Interpersonal Essentials 2 Considering Self The Components of Self Self-Awareness Self-Concept Self-Esteem Self-Quiz: Test Your Ideal and Ought Self- Discrepancies Focus on Culture: How Does the Media Shape Your Self-Esteem? The Sources of Self  Gender and Self Family and Self Culture and Self Communicating Your Self Maintaining Your Public Self Disclosing Your Private Self The Relational Self Competently Disclosing Your Self The Social Media Self Self-Presentation on Social Media Evaluating Social Media Self-Presentations Improving Your Social Media Self-Presentation Improving Your Self Making Relationship Choices: Workplace Self- Disclosure Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com 3 Perceiving Others Perception as a Process Selecting Information Organizing the Information You’ve Selected Interpreting the Information Reducing Uncertainty Influences on Perception Perception and Culture Perception and Gender Perception and Personality Forming Impressions of Others  Constructing Gestalts Calculating Algebraic Impressions Stereotyping Focus on Culture: Intersectional Stereotyping and U.S. Folk Music Improving Your Perception Offering Empathy Self-Quiz: Test Your Empathy Checking Your Perception Practicing Responsible Perception Making Relationship Choices: Balancing Impressions and Empathy Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com 4 Experiencing and Expressing Emotions The Nature of Emotion Defining Emotion Feelings and Moods Focus on Culture: Happiness across Cultures Types of Emotions Forces Shaping Emotion Personality Gender Managing Your Emotional Experience and Expression  Emotional Intelligence Self-Quiz: Assessing Your Emotional Intelligence Managing Emotions after They Occur Preventing Emotions before They Occur Reappraising Emotions while They Occur Emotional Challenges Anger Text-Based Online Communication and Empathy Deficits Passion Grief Living a Happy Emotional Life Making Relationship Choices: Managing Anger and Providing Support Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com 5 Understanding Culture Understanding Culture Culture Defined Co-Cultures Co-Cultures and Communication Focus on Culture: Is Social Media a Cultural Divide? Prejudice Self-Quiz: Test Your Social Equality Orientation Cultural Influences on Communication Individualism versus Collectivism Uncertainty Avoidance  Power Distance High and Low Context Emotion Displays Masculinity versus Femininity Views of Time Creating Intercultural Competence World-Mindedness Attributional Complexity Communication Accommodation Dismantling Divisions Making Relationship Choices: Parent–Child Culture Clash Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com 6 Understanding Gender Understanding Gender Gender Is Distinct from Sex and Gender Identity Gender Is Learned Gender Is Socially Constructed Doing Gender Considering Gender Roles Gender and Communication Focus on Culture: Gender Equity and Health Gender and Verbal Communication Gender and Nonverbal Communication Gender and Relationships  Friendships Romantic Relationships Reflecting on Gender in Our Relationships Self-Quiz: Perceived Social Support Scale Moving Beyond Gender Stereotypes Making Relationship Choices: Supporting a Gender-Nonconforming Friend Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com part two / Interpersonal Skills 7 Listening Actively Listening: A Five-Step Process Receiving Attending Self-Quiz: Multitasking and Attention Understanding Responding Recalling The Five Functions of Listening Listening to Comprehend Listening to Discern Listening to Analyze  Listening to Appreciate Focus on Culture: The Therapeutic Power of Listening to Music Listening to Support Adapting Your Listening Purpose Listening Functions and Mediated Listening Understanding Listening Styles Four Listening Styles Gender and Listening Culture and Listening Improving Listening Competence Selective Listening Eavesdropping Pseudo-Listening Aggressive Listening Narcissistic Listening The Gift of Active Listening Making Relationship Choices: Listening When You Don’t Want To Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com 8 Communicating Verbally Describing Verbal Communication Language Is Symbolic Language Is Governed by Rules Language Is Flexible Language Is Cultural Language Evolves Functions of Verbal Communication Sharing Meaning Shaping Thought Naming  Focus on Culture: Adopting Gender-Inclusive Language Performing Actions Crafting Conversations Managing Relationships Cooperative Verbal Communication Understandable Messages Using “I” Language Using “We” Language Barriers to Cooperative Verbal Communication Verbal Aggression Deception Self-Quiz: Test Your Deception Acceptance Defensive Communication Communication Apprehension The Power of Verbal Communication Making Relationship Choices: Dealing with Difficult Truths Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com 9 Communicating Nonverbally Describing Nonverbal Communication Nonverbal Communication Differs from Verbal Communication Nonverbal Communication Is Influenced by Culture Nonverbal Communication Is Influenced by Gender Nonverbal Communication Is Liberated and Challenged by Technology Nonverbal Communication Codes Communicating through Body Movements Communicating through Voice Communicating through Touch Communicating through Personal Space  Focus on Culture: Touch and Distance Communicating through Physical Appearance Communicating through Objects Communicating through the Environment Functions of Nonverbal Communication Expressing Emotion Conveying Meanings Presenting Self Managing Interactions Defining Intimacy Self-Quiz: Test Your Nonverbal Intimacy Competently Managing Your Nonverbal Communication Making Relationship Choices: Dealing with Mixed Messages Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com 10 Managing Conflict and Power Conflict and Interpersonal Communication What Is Conflict? Conflict in Relationships Power and Conflict Power’s Defining Characteristics Power Currencies Power and Gender Handling Conflict Approaches to Handling Conflict Culture and Handling Conflict  Focus on Culture: Accommodation and Radical Pacifism Handling Text-Based Conflict Conflict Endings Short-Term Conflict Resolutions Long-Term Conflict Outcomes Challenges to Handling Conflict Self-Enhancing Thoughts Destructive Messages Self-Quiz: Test Your Understanding of Destructive Thoughts Serial Arguments Physical Violence Unsolvable Disputes Managing Conflict and Power Making Relationship Choices: Dealing with Family Conflict Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com part three / Interpersonal Relationships 11 Relationships with Romantic Partners Defining Romantic Relationships Liking and Loving Different Types of Romantic Love Key Elements of Romantic Relationships Romantic Attraction Proximity Physical Attractiveness Similarity  Reciprocal Liking Resources Technology and Romantic Attraction Relationship Development and Deterioration Focus on Culture: Romance and People with Disabilities in Pop Culture Coming Together Coming Apart Maintaining Romantic Relationships Maintenance Strategies Maintaining Romance across Distance Deciding Whether to Maintain Romantic Relationship Challenges Betrayal Self-Quiz: Do Your Behaviors Betray Your Partner? Jealousy Relational Intrusion Intimate Violence The Hard Work of Successful Love Making Relationship Choices: Managing Jealousy about a Partner’s Ex Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com 12 Relationships with Family Members Defining Family Defining Characteristics of Family Types of Families Family Stories Communicating in Families Communication Dimensions Family Communication Patterns Maintaining Family Relationships  Maintenance Strategies for Families Technology and Family Maintenance Dealing with Family Dialectics Focus on Culture: Autonomy and Connection: Helicopter and Snowplow Parents Family Relationship Challenges Stepfamily Transition Parental Favoritism Self-Quiz: How Much Family Favoritism Exists? Interparental Conflict The Primacy of Family Making Relationship Choices: Struggling with Family Transitions Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com 13 Relationships with Friends The Nature of Friendship Friendship Defined Friendship Functions Friendship across the Life Span Friendship, Culture, and Gender Friendship and Technology Focus on Culture: Broadening Diversity of Friends through Social Media Types of Friendships Best Friends  Active, Dormant, and Commemorative Friends Maintaining Friendships Following Friendship Rules Maintenance Strategies for Friends Friendship Challenges Betrayal Geographic Separation Self-Quiz: Friendship Distance-Durability Attraction: Romance and FWB Relationships The Importance of Friends Making Relationship Choices: Choosing between Friends Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com 14 Relationships in the Workplace The Nature of Workplace Relationships The Culture of the Workplace Networks in the Workplace Organizational Climates Technology in the Workplace Peer Relationships Types of Peer Relationships Maintaining Peer Relationships  Mixed-Status Relationships Managing Up Self-Quiz: Most Valued Workplace Communication Skills Communicating with Employees Focus on Culture: The Model Minority Myth Challenges to Workplace Relationships Workplace Bullying Workplace Romances Sexual Harassment Workplace Relationships and Human Happiness Making Relationship Choices: Dealing with Workplace Abuse Chapter Review For LearningCurve adaptive quizzing and videos to help you understand key concepts, go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com Glossary References Name Index Subject Index the editorial board “What we’re doing is looking at the language, the content, the imagery, and the presentation in the textbook to find out if we can do better with regard to diversity and inclusiveness. I think this should be at the forefront of what we do as educators: being mindful of the population that we serve. Our goal is for the textbook to represent the world that students live in.” — S. Lizabeth Martin, Palm Beach State College, editorial board member The Story This revision of Reflect & Relate was developed in consultation with seven communication scholars who have guided the authors in the revision of photos and text examples throughout every chapter with the goal of creating a better, more inclusive experience for students and instructors. They are the Editorial Board for Diversity, Inclusion, and Culturally Responsive Pedagogy: Tim Brown, Queens University of Charlotte Tasha Davis, Austin Community College Danielle Harkins, Germanna Community College Tina Harris, University of Georgia S. Lizabeth Martin, Palm Beach State College (pictured on this page) Rody Randon, Phoenix College Myra Washington, University of New Mexico The Mission To advance and evolve our understanding of diversity, inclusiveness, and culturally responsive pedagogy and to promote their fundamental, not ancillary, place in the development of learning materials. What Does This Mean for Students? Culturally responsive pedagogy promotes self-reflection and critical thinking among students and prepares them for global citizenship, a diverse workplace, and advocacy in various forms. To learn more about our editorial board, their work, and their mission, visit macmillanlearning.com/DICR the authors “We are deeply grateful for the insights gifted to us and this text by the members of the board. Their time, energy, and efforts have resulted in a book expressing not just two voices and perspectives, but a broad and richly diverse plurality.” Steve McCornack grew up in Seattle, Washington, where his love for mountains, the ocean, and grunge/emo music was forged. For as long as he can remember, he has been fascinated with how people create, maintain, and disband close relationships, especially the challenges confronting romantic couples. Steve is currently a Professor at The University of Alabama at Birmingham, where he coordinates the public speaking program, and team-teaches the introductory interpersonal communication course with Kelly. Other than his love of teaching, Steve’s principal passions are his family, music (especially spinning vinyl records), meditation, movies, mechanical watches, yoga, karate, Kona coffee, and his 1985 Carrera Targa. Kelly Morrison grew up in Naperville, Illinois, where she was able to walk across the street to her elementary school, down the block to spend summers swimming at the local pool, and up the road for frequent trips to Dairy Queen (which she still visits). Illustrating a true “circle of life,” one of her first jobs after graduating with a business degree from the University of Illinois was in publishing sales for a company that now is part of Macmillan. She is also a Professor and Honors Faculty Fellow at The University of Alabama at Birmingham, where she teaches courses in gender, interpersonal, and health communication, and team-teaches the introductory interpersonal communication course with Steve. When Steve is playing loud music on his stereo, she can be found in another room, crafting or enjoying Hallmark Channel movies and drinking tea. She has been a group fitness instructor since graduating from college, and loves to cook and bake, especially when she can spend time in the kitchen with her three sons. If you find a wise companion to associate with you — one who leads a virtuous life and is diligent — you should lead a life with that person joyfully and mindfully, conquering all obstacles. — The Dhammapada Chapter 1 Introducing Interpersonal Communication Interpersonal communication is the bridge that connects us to others. chapter outline What Is Communication? What Is Interpersonal Communication? What Is Interpersonal Communication Competence? Issues in Interpersonal Communication The Journey Ahead LearningCurve can help you review the material in this chapter. Go to LaunchPad: launchpadworks.com “I GOT IN!!!” This bellowing shout was followed by a thud, and “OOOWWW!!” Our eldest son, Kyle, had just received a congratulatory email notification —complete with virtual confetti—announcing his college admission. His joy and surprise had led him to run and leap high into the air, smacking his hand painfully on the hard ceiling. Hearing the commotion, the entire family—Kelly, Steve, and their two other sons Colin and Conor—flew into the kitchen, bear-hugging and whooping, beaming with smiles and brimming with tears, and then immediately began calling and texting distant family members to share the happy news. Kyle’s hand would ache for days. And in a few fleeting months, after Kelly and Steve had held it for years, this same hand would be achingly released. You hold their hands for a little while, keeping them close, so that you can let them go. Kelly’s mom often referenced this wisdom about raising children, and we have returned to it repeatedly as our sons have grown from toddlers to teens to the men they are today. Our minds are filled with snapshots: the times we held their hands tightly as they crossed the street until they were old enough to cross alone; hugged them goodbye as they left for their first “full” days of school, and then grinned with glee as they eagerly leapt into our arms when we picked them up; visited the mailbox daily, seeking the promised letters that were never sent because they were too busy having fun at camp; held our hands and collective breath through games, recitals, and performances; dried their tears and whispered words of comfort to carry them through disappointment until these roles were fulfilled instead by friends and partners. For Kyle—as for millions of students across the United States each year—getting accepted into college was the culmination of hopes and dreams. Your college admission experience may have been similar to Kyle’s, or it may have been different. Like our sons, you may now be far from home. Or you may be reading this book in your home, or down the road from home. You may be a first-time college student, or you may be returning to complete your degree. No matter the path that brought you here, your college experience represents a novel chapter in your life, one that is full of fresh opportunities and challenges. This is a time when you will likely meet dozens of new people: friends, acquaintances, perhaps mentors and romantic partners. And as you learn to navigate these relationships and the demands of your college workload, you may at times struggle to keep in touch with the family and friends who have helped you get where you are today. Although each of our “boys” is now far from us, all living in different states, we have managed to keep them close and sustain our intimate connections with them. How? By using our interpersonal communication knowledge and skills to bridge the distance. In this chapter—and throughout the rest of this book—you will learn how to apply interpersonal communication skills to cultivate closeness with the people you care about. If you are reading this book, chances are that you are a college student in an introduction to interpersonal communication course. While your sense of home may be a geographic location, it also is a group of people. They may be the people you grew up with, or people you have encountered and collected along the way as you’ve discovered who you are. Visualize these people and ask yourself: Why are they close? Is it because of place—because they live geographically nearby, and proximity has bred familiarity? Is it because of impact—because they live in your thoughts, in carefully tended memories that impart special meaning into your life? Is it because of history—because they have always been there? Or are they close because you communicate with them frequently and intimately? As we will explore later in this book, all of these experiences can create close ties between people. But the most important way we connect with others is through our interpersonal communication. Think again of the people closest to you, and reflect on the different ways you communicate with them. You may connect from the other side of the country—or from another country—through video calls, which allow you to hear their voices and see their faces. You may frequently text or email. You likely use a variety of social media platforms and apps to share memes, pictures, stories, or videos. You may send cards, letters, or care packages through the mail. But regardless of how, where, or with whom we communicate, one fact inescapably binds us: our communication choices powerfully influence the personal, interpersonal, and relationship outcomes that follow. When we draw on our communication skills to communicate competently, we are more likely to experience desirable outcomes, such as positive emotions, satisfying relationships, and encounters that we like to linger over longer in our minds. When we do not effectively utilize the communication skills we have, we are more likely to experience negative outcomes, such as interpersonal conflict, dissatisfaction with a relationship, and regret over words we wish we could take back. By studying interpersonal communication, you will acquire knowledge and skills that will boost your interpersonal competence, allowing you to build and maintain satisfying relationships and, ultimately, improve your quality of life. In this chapter, we begin our study of interpersonal communication. You’ll learn: What communication is and the different models for communication The nature of interpersonal communication, the role it plays in relationships, and the needs and goals it helps us fulfill How to improve your interpersonal communication competence, both online and off Major issues related to the study of interpersonal communication What Is Communication? How we create and exchange messages with others One question students often ask about communication classes and the communication major is “Isn’t this all just common sense?” Because communication is something we all do every day, studying communication research and theory in a more formal fashion strikes some students as counterintuitive. Why study something that we already know how to do? It’s true that we all come to communication classes with a lifetime of hands-on experience communicating. But personal experience provides a different type of knowledge than does guided study. When you’re formally educated about communication, you gain knowledge that goes far beyond your intuition, allowing you to broaden and deepen your skills as a communicator. Communication is like any other form of expertise. Just because you may know how to throw a baseball and may have done it dozens (or even hundreds) of times does not mean that you have the knowledge and skills to pitch for the Chicago Cubs (Kelly’s favorite team). Similar to any other type of expertise, competent communication requires knowledge and skills coupled with hard work, self-reflection, and practice.  self-reflection Is good communication just common sense? Does experience communicating always result in better communication? When you think about all the communication and relational challenges you face in your daily life, what do you think would help you improve your communication skills? Our goal for this text is to provide you with knowledge so that you can hone your communication skills, becoming your best version of an interpersonal communicator. This process begins by answering a basic question: What is communication? In this text, we define communication as the process through which people create messages, using a variety of modalities and sensory channels to convey meanings within and across contexts. This definition highlights the five features that characterize communication.  Whether we are starting a new romance, visiting with friends, or maintaining our connections with family members (as in this scene from Black-ish), communication plays a significant role in our everyday experiences. First, communication is a process that unfolds over time through a series of actions that connect the participants. For example, your friend tweets that they1 are going out to a movie, you text to see if you can join, and so forth. Because communication is a process, everything you say and do affects what is said and done in the present and in the future. Second, those engaged in communication (“communicators”) create messages to convey meanings. A message is the “package” of information that is transported during communication. When people exchange a series of messages, the result is called an interaction (Watzlawick et al., 1967). Third, to convey meanings, communicators choose from many different modalities—forms of communication used for exchanging messages. These include the variety used by us (Kelly and Steve) for staying connected with our friends and family members, as we described in our chapter opener: video calls, texting, social media, and email, along with other forms such as handwritten letters and face-to- face interaction. Nowadays, many of us seamlessly integrate digital technologies with more traditional methods of communication, sometimes using multiple forms simultaneously, like when you chat on the phone with a family member while also checking your Instagram (see Figure 1.1 for the most commonly used communication technologies among young adults in the United States). figure 1.1 Communication Technologies Used by U.S. Young Adults, Ages 18 to 29 Information from: Newport (2014). Fourth, when communicating, people transmit information through various sensory channels: perceptual pathways corresponding to our five senses. These include auditory (sound), visual (sight), tactile (touch), olfactory (scent), and oral (taste). For example, your manager at work smiles while complimenting your job performance (visual and auditory channels). A friend who is blind reads a message you left, touching the Braille letters with their fingertips (tactile). Your romantic partner shows up at your house exuding an alluring scent and carrying delicious takeout, which you then share together (olfactory and oral). Finally, communicators convey meanings within and across a seemingly endless assortment of contexts, or situations. We communicate with others at sporting events, while at work, and in our homes. In each context, a host of factors influences how we communicate, such as how much time we have, how many people are in the vicinity, and whether the setting is personal or professional. Think about it: you probably communicate with your romantic partner differently when you’re in class than when you’re watching a movie at home and relaxing on the couch. And if you’re communicating through synchronous video calls, you may be blending contexts (e.g., school and home) and may experience fatigue from the additional effort required for sustained attention, eye contact, and verbal focus (Sander & Bauman, 2020). Think about all the different ways you communicate each day. You text a sibling to find out how they’re doing. You give a speech in your communication class to an engaged audience. You exchange a knowing glance with your best friend at the arrival of someone you mutually dislike. Now reflect on how these forms of communication differ from one another. Sometimes messages flow in a single direction, from sender to receiver, as when we create a text and send it to a sibling. The message originates in your phone and arrives at its intended destination: your sibling’s phone. In other instances, messages flow back and forth between senders and recipients, as when you deliver a speech to your classmates and they signal to you that they’ve received and understood your presentation. Still other times, you and another person mutually construct the meaning of a message, as when you and your best friend exchange knowing glances or finish each other’s sentences. In such situations, no individual serves as a “sender” or “receiver”; instead, you’re both co- communicators. These different ways of experiencing communication are reflected in three models that have evolved to describe the communication process: the linear model, the interactive model, and the transactional model. As you will see, each of these models has both strengths and weaknesses. Yet each also captures something unique and useful about the ways we communicate in our daily lives. Video launchpadworks.com  Noise Watch this clip online to answer the questions below. What examples of noise can you identify in this video? On what sensory channels did they occur? What type(s) of sensory channel(s) distract you the most? Why? Want to see more? Check out LaunchPad for clips on channel and the linear communication model. Linear Communication Model According to the linear communication model, communication is an activity in which information flows in one direction, from a starting point to an end point (see Figure 1.2). The linear model contains several components. (Lasswell, 1948; Shannon & Weaver, 1949), including a message, a modality, and a sensory channel (see the previous section, Defining Communication, for definitions of these terms). Additionally, there must be a sender (or senders) of the message—the individual(s) who generates the information to be communicated, packages it into a message, and chooses the modalities and sensory channel(s) for sending it. But the transmission of the message may be hindered by noise—environmental factors that may impede messages from reaching their destination. Noise includes anything that causes our attention to drift, such as poor reception during a video call or the smell of fresh coffee nearby. Lastly, there must be a receiver—the person for whom a message is intended and to whom the message is delivered. figure 1.2 Linear Model of Communication Interactive Communication Model The interactive communication model also views communication as a process involving senders and receivers (see Figure 1.3). However, according to this model, transmission is influenced by two additional factors: feedback and fields of experience (Schramm, 1954). Feedback is composed of the verbal and nonverbal messages (such as eye contact, utterances such as “Uh-huh,” and nodding) that recipients convey to indicate their reaction to communication. Fields of experience consist of the beliefs, attitudes, values, and experiences that each participant brings to a communication event. People with similar fields of experience are more likely to understand each other compared to individuals who lack these commonalities. figure 1.3 Interactive Model of Communication  Video launchpadworks.com Transactional Communication Model Watch this clip online to answer the questions below. Can you think of situations in which you jointly created meaning with another person? How did this happen? In what ways are these situations different from ones that follow the interactive communication model? Transactional Communication Model The transactional communication model (see Figure 1.4) suggests that communication is fundamentally multidirectional. That is, each participant equally influences the communication behavior of the other participants (Miller & Steinberg, 1975). From the transactional perspective, there are no “senders” or “receivers.” Instead, all the parties constantly exchange verbal and nonverbal messages and feedback, and collaboratively create meanings (Streek, 1980). This may be something as simple as a shared look between friends, or it may be an animated conversation among close family members in which the people involved seem to know what the others are going to say before it’s said. figure 1.4 Transactional Model of Communication These three models represent an evolution of thought regarding the nature of communication, from a relatively simplistic depiction of communication as a linear process to one that views communication as a more faceted and mutually crafted process. Each of these models represents useful ways to depict different forms of communication, rather than “good” or “bad” evaluations of communication. See Table 1.1 for more on each model. table 1.1 Communication Models Model Examples Advantage Disadvantage Linear Twitter and Facebook Simple and Doesn’t adequately posts, texting, email, straightforward describe most scripted public speeches conversations that occur face-to-face, over the phone, or on a video call Interactive Classroom instruction, Captures a broad Neglects the active role group presentations, variety of that receivers often play team/coworker meetings communication in constructing meaning forms Transactional Any encounter (most Intuitively Doesn’t apply to many commonly face-to-face) captures what forms of online in which you and others most people communication, such as jointly create think of as Twitter and Facebook communication meaning interpersonal posts, email, and texting communication Now that we have defined communication and discussed various models of it, let’s look at what is meant by interpersonal communication. skills practice Communication Models 1. Think of someone with whom you engage in both linear and transactional communication. 2. Identify how your preference for feedback influences when you opt for linear versus transactional communication. 3. Reflect on how your knowledge of the other person’s fields of experience influences your understanding of their feedback. 4. List several feedback cues you can provide in your next linear and transactional interactions. 5. Use these cues the next time you text and speak face-to-face, and consider how the feedback cues influenced the creation of meaning. What Is Interpersonal Communication? Interpersonal communication impacts our relationships Our students frequently comment that they can’t believe how relevant interpersonal communication scholarship is to their everyday lives. After all, we cover (and this book will discuss) self- esteem, jealousy, anger, conflict, betrayal, love, friendship, and healthy close relationships, to name just a few topics. Students often find themselves using this material to analyze everyone they know— sometimes vexing roommates, lovers, friends, and family members who are subjected to their scrutiny! Of course, interest in interpersonal communication has existed since the dawn of recorded history. In fact, one of the earliest texts ever written—the maxims of the Egyptian sage Ptah Hotep (2200...) —was essentially a guidebook for enhancing interpersonal skills (Horne, 1917). Ptah Hotep encouraged people to be truthful, kind, and tolerant in their communication. He urged active listening, especially for situations in which people lack experience, because “to not do so is to embrace ignorance.” He also emphasized mindfulness in word choice, noting that “good words are more difficult to find than emeralds.” Why has learning about interpersonal communication always been considered so valuable? One answer is that knowledge of interpersonal skills is essential for maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships. For most people, having satisfying relationships with romantic partners, friends, family members, and coworkers is critical in determining overall life happiness (Gustavson et al