Symptom or Root Problem? PDF

.5. Symptom or Root Problem? ®Recently I was on my way to the church to perform a wedding, and while I was stopped at the red light of a certain intersection, I saw a man who was standing on the street corner holding a sign: NEED Fooo. WILL WORK. That was not a particularly...

.5. Symptom or Root Problem? ®Recently I was on my way to the church to perform a wedding, and while I was stopped at the red light of a certain intersection, I saw a man who was standing on the street corner holding a sign: NEED Fooo. WILL WORK. That was not a particularly unusual sight to me. I pass that intersection often, and I have seen countless people standing there with similar signs. That night I found myself staring at the man. He was about my height. He had a wrinkled and weathered face, disheveled hair and cloth- ing, and he was dirty and ragged in his overall appearance and very sad· looking. I put myselfin his shoes for a moment. I imagined what it must be like to stand there hour after hour, without sufficient supply in one's life, looking at people in cars who were staring back blankly. How would I feel if I were standing on that corner hungry, without work or money, without someone to care enough for me to take me in or help me? How would I feel if I were as lonely as that man appeared to be? How would it feel to be empty inside, without accomplishments or purpose, without any direction or future, perhaps with an addiction to alcohol or drugs? And how would it feel to be standing on a corner early in the evening, gazing at a man in a tuxedo on his way to someplace where he was wanted and needed? How would it feel to be ignored by that man and the person behind him and the person behind him until the light changed and yet another group of people stopped, but failed to offer assistance? 49 50 Our Unmet Needs My attitude toward people in his situation changed dramatically in that moment. "But," you may say, "he was probably looking for a handout so he could buy a bottle ofliquor." Perhaps. "He might have been a con artist, looking for a handout so he didn't have to work." Perhaps. In either case, he was a person with a need. He was a person who at some point in his past had strayed away from God's intended plan and purpose for his life. Regardless of the true motivation of that person, standing on a street corner with a sign that indicated he was begging for work and food was not what God had in mind for that person when He created him and placed him on this earth. That person was standing on that corner because he had an unmet need deep inside his heart, an inner need that was far deeper than the outer need scrawled on his handmade sign. That person had at some point in his life been given wrong direc- tion or had listened to the wrong voices. He had made wrong choices. And the result was that he was not doing what God had destined for him to do and he was not in the process of becoming what God desired for him to become in the Lord Jesus Christ. So often we look at people's appearance and their outer behavior, and we draw conclusions about them and their motivations that may not be at all the true state of their lives. So often we fail to see the deep inner needs and drives that compel a person to say and do things that are con- trary to God's purposes. And yet it is at the deep inner level of our lives that the most profound changes are needed. It is at the deep inner level that all outer, surface needs must first be addressed if the solutions we seek are to be definite, productive, positive, and lasting. THREE COMMONLY MISUNDERSTOOD NEEDS & a pastor, I have had countless people come to me with a need. Three needs often seem to loom very large in people's minds and emotions, but as great as these needs may be, they are not the real needs. Rather, they are needs that are symptoms of much deeper and more basic needs. I believe there is value in exploring these three symptomatic needs.  Symptom or Root Problem? 51 1. THE NEED FOR A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP Within marriage, nothing can be more comforting and satisfying. Outside marriage, nothing can be more disastrous. Many people have a sense of need in the area of their sexual desire. This is often expressed to me by single people, those who have gone through divorce, or those whose spouses have died. The automatic assumption seems to be: I need a sexual relationship, and the only solu- tion for this inner frustration and desire that I feel is a sexual relation- ship. I certainly do not deny the reality of sexual desire that God has built into us as human beings, yet I have also come to recognize that in the majority of cases where this need is felt intensely and is express~d repeat- edly, the real need is for intimacy. Ultimately the need is for a more inti- mate relationship with God. The person who has a need for intimacy feels estranged, cut off, sep- arated, unfulfilled. These feelings are defined as sexual desire, but they are really symptoms of a need to be loved in a way that is comforting, consistent, and unconditional. Only God can provide this kind oflove in its purest and richest form. People often use phrases such as "if! could only be held by someone" or "if! only had someone who really knew me and really loved me completely" to express the root need, "I need to be embraced by someone who will never let go of me and never stop loving me." That Someone is God. A number of years ago I counseled a young couple who were having problems in their marriage. The man's complaint was that his wife always seemed to be too tired for sex. The woman's complaint was that her hus- band never took time to kiss her and hold her, but·was too eager for the culmination of the sex act. The longer we met together, the more it became obvious that the root problem was not related to sexual behav- ior; the root problem involved issues ofintimacy and unconditional love. The husband was truly longing for affirmation. After a long day at work, he came home desiring to be appreciated, valued, and made to feel worthy. Sexual activity was the only way he had been taught to receive appreciation and value. His wife had no idea that was truly what her hus- band desired, so it never occurred to.her to praise him for his efforts or to tell him how much she valued him as a man. The wife was also seeking affirmation. Alone all day at home with the 52 Our Unmet Needs children, she wanted her husband to notice that her contribution to their family was valuable and appreciated. She wanted her husband to see her as a desirable woman, not merely as a housekeeper, childcare provider, and sexual partner. She wanted him to tell her in words and by deeds that he liked spending time with her, thought she was beautiful, and enjoyed being close to her. She was seeking intimacy and unconditional love. When the two young people learned how to express value to each other in ways apart from the act of sexual intercourse, their entire mar- riage blossomed, and before long, the issues that had first brought them to me disappeared. They were addressing the root needs and problems inherent in a marriage, not merely the surface issue of too little/too much sexual activity. Our culture sends numerous messages through all forms of media to each of us every day that say, "If you feel general uneasiness or tension, it must be the result of sexual desire." There is almost an automatic response in some people to conclude, "I feel restless, so I must need sex- ual intercourse." The root, however, is not a need for sexual release but a need for emotional intimacy. Transparency. Sharing. Being together. These things build intimacy. When intimacy is established in marriage, sexual behavior becomes a beautiful expression and a fulfilling activity. When intimacy is missing, sexual activity can be frustrating, and the ever-present concern about sexual behavior can be exhausting. God never intended for sexual inter- course to become a substitute for intimacy. Rather, He desires for it to be an outgrowth and an expression of intimacy. In that context, sexual activity provides joy. Ultimately only God can truly fill the vacuum in each of us for inti- macy. No person can completely satisfy that need. Two people may love each other the best they know how to love, but genuine unconditional love-love that gives and gives and gives without recrimination or any tinge of retribution-is divine. When a person turns to God and seeks to buHd a relationship with God, when a person receives God's forgiveness and love, when a person spends time with God, shares his heart fully and honestly with God, and engages in frequent and in-depth conversations with God, such a person knows truly what it means to be in an intimate relationship. Once a per- son knows that, it is so much more meaningful, and so much easier, to  Symptom or Root Problem? 53 develop an intimate relationship with another person. And when both partners in a marriage understand and experience intimacy with God, and are seeking to develop intimacy with each other, richness in marriage is sure to result. 2. THE NEED TO BE MARRIED So many people have said to me down through the years, "Pastor, I just need to get married." In most cases, marriage is not a need-it is a perceived solution to one or more needs. The root needs are much more likely to be loneliness, financial insecurity, emotional insecurity, or unful- filled sexual desire. In other cases, the person is looking to a spouse to do what only the Lord can do-in other words, be the source of emo- tional, spiritual, financial, material, physical, and psychological support. Let me ask you, "Who wants to get married for the sole purpose of being used by the other person to get all of his or her needs met? Who on this earth could remotely feel that it was either possible or equitable to spend one~s life solely for the purpose of meeting another person's needs?" And yet many people who say with a tone of desperation in their voices, "I need to get married," are looking for precisely that-some- body to meet all of their needs for them. To this point, I have never had a person say to me, "I need to get mar- ried because I have a very strong desire to meet all the needs in that other person's life." The need to be married is a !Ile-centered need in most cases. The reality for most people is that in marriage, some of their needs are met, and they are able to meet some of the needs of the spouse. No per- son, however noble, great, fantastic, or talented he may be, is fully capa- ble of meeting all the needs of another person, and no person should expect another person to meet all of his needs. Too many marriages are in trouble today precisely on this point. People are looking to their spouses to meet the needs that only God can meet. This is also likely to be the root cause for many teen pregnancies and sexual encounters. Young people are looking for someone to meet their emotional needs for acceptance, love, and value. The young person believes that if someone has sexual relations with her, he automatically will accept her, love her unconditionally, and place high value on her and 54 Our Unmet Needs the relationship. That is never the case-at least not in a lasting way. Words of acceptance, love, and value may be spoken. But over time, the very act ofimmorality erodes the underlying foundation that is required for true acceptance, genuine love, and lasting value. If you are under the impression that you can meet all of the needs of another person, I suggest you reexamine your position. Jesus Christ is the only person who could meet all of another person's needs, and even He could fulfill the needs only after His death, resurrection, and a~cen- sion to the Father in heaven. Paul taught, "My God shall supply all your need" (Phil. 4:19). God alone is capable of fully meeting your needs. Look to Him! A woman told me that she felt a great need to be married. She longed for a husband to value her, love her, and build a relationship with her. I encouraged her to trust God to bring this person across her path and, until He did, to rely upon God to meet her inner needs for validation, self-worth, and love. She did that for a while, but then a friend convinced her that she needed to get out and play the field. The young woman began to attend parties every night of the week, and many of the parties were ungodly in all sorts ofways. The men she met wanted her all right, but not as a godly wife. They wanted her sexually as a plaything for the night. Within a mat- ter of weeks, she found herself pregnant, and in the process of her under- going pregnancy-related medical exams, she also discovered she had a sexually transmitted disease. Her situation discouraged her further. She reasoned, What man will want me with a child and with a sexually transmitted disease? She got an abortion. That compounded the guilt she felt in her heart. She lowered her standards even more when it came to the men she dated. Eventually she hit bottom emotionally and cried out to God, "Oh, God, I have so many needs! Help me!". God heard her heart's cry, and He responded to her with all the love and forgiveness He had always had for her. Over months and years as she trusted God with her life, she slowly regained her sense of self-worth. God eventually did bring a man her way who accepted her as she was and loved her for who she was in the Lord, regardless of her past. But oh, the years she wasted and the pain she experienced. She could never undo the facts of the pregnancy and abortion in her past. She  Symptom or Root Problem? 55 could not undo completely the disease she had acquired, although she could control its effects to an extent through medication. She could not get back the years she lost or fully restore the relationships she had dam- aged in her rebellious choices that were against God's plan for her. And when did that sad decade of her life begin? In the instant she determined that she had to take the matter of meeting her perceived need for marriage into her own hands and do something to find and marry a man of her choosing. Her friend had convinced her that trusting God wasn't enough. She had convinced her that "God helps those who help themselves"-which is true to an extent, but which is true only if the person is helping herself in a way that is right and good in God's eyes. The young woman could have limited herself to dinner invitations and parties hosted by Christian friends. She could have chosen to go on Christian cruises and retreats, or to get more involved in church-related social activities and ministries. Her friend, however, had convinced her that it was actually good for her to go to non-Christian places because the men there were more plenti- ful, interesting, and exciting, and that it would all be okay in the end because she could convince any man she met at an ungodly party to accept Jesus Christ and be born again before a wedding took place. Was it the friend's fault that the woman chose the path she followed! No. The woman allowed herself to be deceived. She knew enough to say no to her friend's arguments at every turn of the road. She knew enough to choose good and refrain from evil. Her error was the age-old error- I can do this on my own, independent of God. If you are single today, trust God to bring you the spouse who is right for you. Don't compromise your standards or flirt with evil. Keep your- self pure. a. THE NEED FOR LOVE Too many people in our world today have grown up without uncon- ditional love from their parents. One parent or both parents may have abandoned them when they were children, either physically or emo- tionally. They may have felt intense loneliness as children. They may have felt that they were continually shunned, sent to be with others, put in the care of baby-sitters, or ignored while parents worked or partied. They may have felt misunderstood, underappreciated, or not valued. They  56 Our Unmet Needs may have heard all kinds of critical assessments of their worth and their worthiness: "You'll never amount to anything," "We never wanted you anyway-you were an accident," "You never do anything right," "You are a real problem child." When children are mistreated in these ways, they grow up with an intense desire to be counted worthy. They have a strong inner need that they generally conclude is a desire to be loved. The problem is, many of these people enter relationships that fail to satisfy. In some cases, they enter marriages with a person who is just as needy as they are, and in their intense desire to receive love, they fail to · give unconditional love-and vice versa-and the result is two people grasping at each other to receive the very thing that they feel they need most but that they have virtually no capacity to give. In other cases, they enter relationships seeking love, and they genuinely are given such love but they do' not know how to receive it. Thus, their feelings of neediness remain. What is the root problem? They need to be healed of the emotional wounds of the past. The real need is not to be in a loving relationship, but to be brought to a place ofinner wholeness where they can truly be a partner in a loving relationship. A woman once came to me with eyes nearly swollen shut from many hours of crying. '1My husband just doesn't love me," she sobbed. "Why do you believe that he doesn't love you?» "He is staying at work later and later every night. I know he's doing that so he doesn't have to be around me." "Have you talked to him about this behavior?" "Yes," she sobbed. "He said he was working longer hours to win a promotion so he could provide more for me and the children, but I know the real reason is that he just wants to be away from us and espe- cially away from me." "Has he expressed dissatisfaction with you?" I asked. "No," she admitted. "Then why are you concluding that his long hours at work are a direct response to his feelings for you?" She cried quietly for a moment and then blurted out, "He's just like my dad." "Tell me about your father," I said.  Symptom or Root Problem? 57 "He was at work all the time I was growing up. I hardly ever saw him. When he came home he was too tired to play with me or to hug me. He never asked me how I was. He never kissed me good night or tucked me into bed." The issue became very clear. The woman had deep inner needs related to the way her father had treated her as a child, and she was transferring those needs to her husband. Her father had been a cold, aloof man. As it turns out, he was an alcoholic and was not at work nearly as much as the woman had thought; he had spent much of his after-hours time at bars and clubs. Her father's inability to express love was the real issue that was acting as an undercurrent of uneasiness and tension in her marriage. Her husband--a warm, loving, ambitious, and caring man-was not at all like her tather, but she perceived that he was like her father because of sur- face behaviors. She was looking at symptoms, not root needs and prob- lems. When the woman began to realize that the real issue before her was not a problem in her marriage but a problem in her past, and when she recognized that she needed to be healed of the emotional wounds she had suffered as a child before she would be in a good position to assess and then address the current issues in her marriage, she was on her way toward healing and wholeness. As the months passed and the woman worked with a good Christian counselor to gain a new perspective and to receive Christ's love and heal- ing regarding her past, she saw the behavior of her husband in an entirely new light. Rather than be resentful of the time he spent at the office, she became thankful for his concern for her and their children. Rather than be frightened that her husband was moving away from her emotionally, she recognized that he was acting out of love for her. Rather than con- front or withdraw from her husband, she had the strength to express her- self directly and honestly. T~gether, she and her husband struck a new balance between hours spent at work and hours spent at home. The underlying root problem had not at all been an issue oflove, but issues of old, lingering, and festering emotional wounds that needed to be healed. The best time to deal with emotional wounds related to one's past is prior to marriage, of course. The problem is that too often we fail to rec- ognize these emotional wounds before we marry. We transfer the set of 58 Our Unmet Needs feelings we have had in one relationship to a new relationship where they are often unwarranted. A woman said to me in the wake of a very painful separation from her husband, "I always knew he would leave me." "Why did you believe that?" I asked. "I just knew he would." As much as I probed, she would not admit to a reason why she held that opinion. Over time as we discussed various issues in her childhood and younger years, I realized that she had very likely drawn this conclu- sion about her husband and her marriage because her father had never been faithful to her mother, or to any of the other three women he had married. She automatically assumed that her husband would treat her the same way her father had treated her mother and her various step- mothers. In the end, she had been the one to separate from her husband, thinking that she would be better off to initiate what she perceived to be the inevitable outcome of their marriage rather than wait for him to leave her as she was certain he would. The real need in the woman's life was not counseling for the present marital situation, but counseling for the inner emotional wounds that she had carried in silence for more than forty years. Not all emotional wounds are experienced in childhood. Some people are scarred by the behavior of adults who have mistreated them or rejected them. Many people bring the wounds of past relationships- dating relationships, engagements, marriages-into new relationships. Some bring the wounds experienced in previous places of employment to their new jobs. Some bring spiritual wounds they experienced in pre- vious church settings to their new church homes. Every emotionally wounded person I know is seeking love to heal his wounds. He believes that the number one need in his life is love. "If I can just find someone to love me, I'll get over that previous relation- ship." "Ifl can just find an employer who will appreciate me, I'll recover from being fired." "If I can just find a pastor who loves me enough regardless of my sins, I'll rebound from that bad church experience." The truth is, the wounded person needs to be healed of the old wounds so that he can receive love and be a full partner in an uncondi- tional love relationship. The jilted or abused person needs to be healed emotionally before he enters a new relationship. The person who has  Symptom or Root Problem? 59 been mistreated in the workplace needs to recover from the wounds and learn from them so that he can experience happiness in a new position. The person who has been spiritually wounded needs to address the wounds and be healed so that he can find satisfaction and fulfillment in a new church setting. If healing of the past does not occur, the problems will carry over into the new setting. Words oflove and appreciation will help, but they will not truly heal. Time will pass, but it will not heal. Only the presence and power of Jesus Christ in a person's life truly heal and make whole. Only God can heal deep, inner emotional wounds, especially ones that stem from early childhood. Some incidents occur at such an early age that the victim of abusive, neglectful, or hurtful behavior cannot even remember what happened or the context in which it happened. Only God sees the beginning from the ending in a person's life. Only God knows why some feelings exist in us. Only God knows how to unravel the tangled web of emotions that trap us into des~air and despondency at the very core of our beings. The enemy within us is the need that demands attention, that results in nightmares, that causes us to cry out in fear or feel anxious to the point of tears in the middle of a crowd on a bright, sunny day. And the only true victor over that enemy is the power of the Holy Spirit, resident within us to heal, comfort, and give counsel. Human counselors can help, especially if they truly know the Lord Jesus Christ and attempt to live in full accord with His commandments. Ultimately the Holy Spirit will heal us of our emotional wounds. If you go into a new relationship-personal, career-related, church- related-with the thought, Pit find love here and everything will be alt right, you are likely to be disappointed. Looking to the love or appreci- ation of another person to solve your problem should be a giant clue to you that the problem is not one that the other's love or appreciation can solve. The problem lies within you. Something is festering deep within. , And until that "something" is addressed, cleansed, healed, or restored, you will not be in a healthy position either to receive love fully or to give love generously. Go to God and express your feelings. Ask Him to reveal the real nature of your problem and to heal you of its root cause. Ask for His guidance in finding the right Christian counselor who can help you 60 Our Unmet Needs uncover the old wound festering within. Ask God by the power of His Holy Spirit to bring the light of truth to bear on old issues and old feel- ings that you have tried to bury. Put yourself into a position to be healed of the past so that you can embrace fully and successfully the future that God has for you. THE NEEDS WE KNOW AS ADDICTIONS Do you crave a cigarette? Do you need a drink? Do you think only about the next fix? Do you count the hours until you can take the next pill? In raw form, addictions are perhaps the ultimate symptomatic needs. What is an addiction? Why does a certain thing or behavior become what we think we must have in order to live or at least to live a desirable life? An addiction is a repeated form of behavior that brings some form of result that keeps a person repeating the behavior. The result may be highly destructive in the long run, but seem appealing or pleasurable in the short run. The actual result of the behavior may not be physical but emotional. Just about all the people I know who have become addicted to alcohol or nicotine have told me that they disliked their first taste of an alcoholic beverage or their first puff on a cigarette. They kept drink- ing and kept smoking, however, because they did like the result of hav- ing their peers think they were acceptable, cool, neat, or hip. Even knowing the long-term damage that drinking alcohol and smok- ing cigarettes might cause to their bodies, they continued in the behav- ior because they liked the short-term benefits that were psychological and emotional. They also came to like the physical benefit of relaxation they felt with alcohol or nicotine, far more than they ever liked the taste of the alcohol or tobacco, the smell of tobacco on their clothes and in their homes and cars, the shortness of breath, the nausea from over- drinking, or other aspects of the habit. Positive behaviors can also become addictive because of the rewards associated with them. People who run regularly like the good feeling they get while running or after th~y have completed a run. People who spend quality time in prayer and meditating on God's Word have a sense  Symptom or Root Problem? 61 of spiritual withdrawal if they go for a period without praying or reading the Scriptures. The results keep a person returning again and again to any particular behavior. That is the way habits are built-good or bad. That is the way addictions start. ADDICTIONS DIFFER FROM HABITS The difference between a habit and an addiction is that a person still exerts control over a habit. Not engaging in the behavior brings no sense of irretrievable or grievous loss. In an addiction, the behavior begins to exert control over the person. A real sense ofloss, a deep craving, or a sense of being deprived, is felt in an addiction. An addiction is ilways associated with an insatiable drive or desire, a hunger for the activity or substance, and a dependency upon the chemical or the mental hormones that are released during a particular activity. Persons often engage in habitual behaviors without thinking much about them. In addictions, persons can think oflittle else than the addic- tive behavior. The person addicted to alcohol is always anticipating to some degree the next drink. The person addicted to gambling is always looking for the next betting opportunity. The person addicted to a pre- scription painkiller is always counting the minutes until the next pill can be taken. People can be addicted to numerous things other than chemical sub- stances. I have met a few people who were addicted to keeping an immaculate house, perfect in appearance and clean in every crevice to the point that maintaining cleanliness was not only valued but also felt to pressure them to act. Such addictions are often termed compulsive emotions with obsessive behaviors. Some people are addicted to sex. Others are addicted to a particular kind of activity, such as exercise or work. Some are addicted to overeat- ing, especially unhealthy foods. People who are addicted never started out inte_nding to become addicted. Nobody who has become a drug addict said upon taking his first dose of drugs, "My goal is to become addicted to this drug." No person who has become addicted to gambling ever said upon placing his first bet, ''My goal in life is to get to the place where I can't live without 62 Our Unmet Needs turning virtually every activity in my life into an opportunity to place a wager." In the development of habits, however, people often say, "I want to have the habit of... " Habits are generally rooted in positive intention. They are outgrowths of one's will, and in most cases, they are aimed at the development of a positive trait or a healthful activity. In addictions, people tend not to be thinking. Many people who become addicted to various activities or substances later·find themselves saying, "Where was my mind? What was I thinking when I started doing this? Was I nuts?" ADDICTIONS NEVER FULLY SATISFY An addict never has enough. A person addicted to alcohol never has sufficient alcohol to last him the rest of his life. A person addicted to pre- scription medications never feels so good that he never needs another pill. Good habits satisfy. They bring a sense of order, balance, and har- mony. Bad habits do not satisfy, but in most cases, when a person rec- ognizes that a bad habit exists-and it is not an addiction-the remedy for the bad habit is the exact opposite behavior. The person who has a bad habit of chewing his fingernails can develop a good habit by not chewing his fingernails and by routinely manicuring his nails. The dis- satisfaction that arose from having ugly nails gives way to satisfaction at having healthy, appealing nails. The person who is genuinely addicted does not fe~l an immediate sense of satisfaction if the addicted behavior is stopped. Alcoholics still have ~ desire for alcohol long after they have had their most recent drink. I have met people who quit smoking twenty years ago but still have a desire for smoking. Addictions grip the inner physical and psychological nature of a person. They are more than merely bad habits. The symptoms associated with addictions are often perceived to be needs, but the addiction itself is not the root need. The symptoms of being out of control, of being "out ofit" mentally, oflosing the ability to function in vital areas of life, of being forever broke, and of feeling constantly driven are all very real. Such symptoms give a strong feeling to the individual experiencing them and to others who witness them that need is present.  Symptom or Root Problem? 63 But the real need is not for a drink or the need to be freed from feel- ing the desire for a drink. The real need is not for a fix of some kind or to be freed from having the compulsion for a fix. The real need is some- thing more basic to the human heart. In most cases, it is a need for acceptance. The inner drive for acceptance first leads the addicted person to take a drink. In some cases, the acceptance that is being sought is not the acceptance of another living person, be it spouse, friend, colleague, or close relative. Rather, it is the acceptance of a person long since dead or a person from long, long ago. I have met people who are addicted to compulsive behaviors because they are still seeking, at a very deep inner level, the approval of Mom or Dad. Still others are in need of self-acceptance. They engage in certain behaviors in a desire to prove to themselves that they are valuable, desir- able, beautiful, or worthy. Their initial act may be one of rebellion, but in a warped and twisted way it is also an act of seeking self-acceptance. The desire is to say, "I can act on my own. I am independent. I can make this decision myself. I can engage in this adult behavior now." At the core of it all is ultimately a deep need to be accepted by God. The person who becomes. addicted always has, at some point in the cycle of addiction, an unexpressed need to prove himself worthy to God and to be accepted by God. Or the person feels that he is not accepted by God and therefore seeks to deny that such acceptance is important to him. Of course, acceptance is important, and all of his efforts at denying this need in his life drive him to deeper and deeper addiction. How THESE NEEDS RELATE TO WHOLENESS Wholeness cannot be achieved unless one factors in emotional and spiritual need. A person cannot claim to be whole just because he is healthy physically, has his material needs met, and has good relationships with his spouse, children, colleagues, and friends. The person who ignores his emotional and spiritual self is not whole from God's per- spective. Rather, he is missing pieces or is sorely deficient in areas of his being. God created us to be spiritual and emotional beings. In that way we are most like God-in the spiritual, inner dimension we have been created 64 Our Unmet Needs "in His own. image" (Gen. 1:27). The spiritual, emotional, psychologi- cal nature is the foremost aspect of who we are. It is the part of us that has a capacity for eternity. After having created this essential and vital aspect of man's being, God then put man in a physical body, set him in a natural environment, gave him material substance, and blessed him with human companions. When we neglect or negate the emotional and spir- itual part of who God made us to be, we are immediately in a state of need, lack, want, and disharmony. The symptoms of frustration and a general restlessness of spirit-per- haps even anxiety, a lingering melancholy, a sense of things being not quite right-are symptoms of this lack of wholeness, and only when we are willing to go to the very core of who we are as human beings and invite God to do a work that makes us whole in spirit and soul are we going to experience wholeness and a lasting solution for the symptoms of our restless hearts. Any attempt to alleviate symptoms without going to the root need will have two negative results: First, symptoms will recur. The alleviation of symptoms is only tempo- _rary and never complete when symptoms alone are addressed and root causes remain. In many cases, the symptoms will multiply and spill over into other situations, circumstanc~s, or relationships in our lives. Second, wholeness will be postponed. The underlying situation will remain and fester. A preoccupying concern with alleviating symptoms often pushes the real solution for the real problem to a future date and then a more future date and yet a future date. If you are addicted to something today, if you feel driven to have a sexual relationship, if you can think oflittle else other than getting mar- ried, if you feel you are starving for love, ask God to reveal the deeper inner need that is driving these symptomatic needs. Ask Him to heal you where, indeed, you are hurting the most.  A Close Look at God's Promise to Meet Our Needs CJS'Do you truly believe that God is capable of meeting your needs and that He desires to meet all of your needs? Some people ask, "If God is all-powerful and all-knowing, and if He loves me with an infinite and unconditional love-and therefore, He not only is capable of meeting all my needs but also desires to meet my needs-why doesn't God just meet all my needs right now? Why do I still have needs? When the apostle Paul wrote from a prison cell, 'My God shall supply all your need,' why do I still have a lack of supply?" (See Phil. 4:19.) Others say, "I know God is capable of meeting my needs, but since I still have needs, God must not want to meet them." Still others question sincerely, "Why didn't God meet all my needs the moment I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior?" These are excellent questions, worthy of close examination. At the outset of our discussion about these questions, let me assure you again that God is committed to meeting all of your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. A commitment is a pledge, a statement of a sure promise. The value of any commitment is based upon two things: 1. The ability of the promise maker to fulfill the promise. 2. The integrity of the promise maker, which might also be stated as 65 66 Our Unmet Needs the character to follow through on what has been said and do what has been promised. God certainly qualifies as One who will stand behind His commit- ments on both accounts. He has all of the wisdom, power, and ability necessary to fulfill His promises to us. He also has proven integrity- God has always done what He has said He would do. God is utterly faith- ful to His Word. He is holy and immutable; He is unchanging. His character is impeccable. There are those who say, "Well, the Bible's promises are fine for the people back then, but Paul was writing to the Philippians, not to me. Times are different now. Things have changed.;, Friend, all of God's Word is for you, right now, right where you are. It all applies to you. Why is this so? Because the Author of the Bible hasn't changed. The Scriptures are true today because the Author still stands by His Word! His commandments, statutes, and promises have not changed; they reflect our unchanging God. He is the same "yesterday, today, and forever" (Heb. 13:8). The only times in God's Word in which God has not done what He said He was going to do are times when God's promises were conditional and man's behavior was an intervening factor. WHAT IS THE NATURE OF THE PROMISE? The better we know God-the more intimate our fellowship is with Him-the more we will trust God to do what He has said He will do. And the more we know about a promise in the Bible, the more we understand our role in bringing a promise to fulfillment. As we study the Bible, we must ask several questions anytime we come to a promise in the Scriptures: To whom is the promise given? Who is making the promise? What is God really saying?. What does God desire for me to do? How does God desire to act on my behalf? What is the end goal or the purpose for the promise? What is God's motivation in making this promise?  God's Promise to Meet Our Needs 67 The more we know about the promise, the more we understand whether it is a conditional or unconditional promise. TWO CATEGORIES OF PROMISES All of God's promises fall into one of two categories: unconditional or conditional. As we read, memorize, and quote God's ~ord, we must be very careful to discern clearly the difference between these two cate- gories. Unconditional promises. In an unconditional promise, God states that He will do something regardless of man's behavior. In other words, God is going to do what He desires to do with or without any input or response from mankind. Nothing will interfere with or keep God from doing what He has said He will do. An example is the promise ofJesus to His disciples that He is going to return one day. Absolutely nothing that man does or does not do can keep Jesus from fulfilling this promise in the fullness of God's timing and according to God's plans and purposes. Christ will come again. Another unconditional promise is the promise of Jesus that He would never leave or forsake His disciples. Regardless of what people do or don't do, regardless of circumstances or situations that may arise, regard- less of any mediating or intervening factors, Jesus will not forsake those who have put their trust in Him. That unconditional promise stands for all disciples at all times in all places and in all situations. Conditional promises. In a conditional promise, God's actions are based in part 01: man's responses to God's commands. What man does, therefore, influences God's fulfillment of a promise. Too often, people take some of God's conditional promises as being unconditional. That is a very dangerous error to make, and it can lead to frustration, disappointment, disillusionment, and even doubt about the goodness of God. How so? Well, if a person regards a promise of God as being unconditional when it is actually a conditional promise, he may very well fail to meet the conditions associated with the promise because he isn't looking for any conditions. He assumes that God is going to do everything and he is required to do nothing. In his failure to meet the conditions, of course, he negates the promise. Not realizing this, however, he begins to wonder why God is taking so long to meet his need. He begins to doubt whether God really meant what He said. Soon he 68 Our Unmet Needs doubts whether God cares or whether God is truly to be trusted on any matter. Consider a situation in which a father says to his son, "I will buy you a new car when you finish college." The son is very excited-so excited that he fails to hear the full meaning of his father's statement. The boy goes to college for two years and decides that he has had enoup;h of col· lege. He gets a job and starts wondering when Dad is going to provide the new car he promised. The fact is, the boy did not finish college- in the sense of completing a college degree. He just finished college from the standpoint that he stopped attending cl~ses! The promise was a con· ditional one, and the error occurred because the son defined the condi· tions in a way the father had not defined them. Too many people make this same mistake when it comes to our heav- enly Father. They decide when the conditions are met rather than trust God with that determination. The results are failure and disappoint- ment. We must be very careful in reading God's promises to determine precisely what the conditions of a conditional promise may be. Look again at Philippians 4:19: "My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Ask yourself, Is this a conditional promise of God, or is this an uncon- ditional promise? This passage happens to be a conditional promise. How is it conditional? First, Paul said, "My God." Ifa person cannot say, ''My God"-in other words, if a personal relationship has not been established with Jesus as Savior-then this promise is not in effect. Second, Paul said that needs will be met "by Christ Jesus." If a person looks to any other person or source to meet his needs, the promise is not in effect. This promise is based upon a relationship between Christ Jesus and those who follow Him. We might call this a family promise. It is in effect only for the family of God. It is not a promise for the unbeliever or the person who does not trust Jesus as Lord ofhis life. Note that I did not say that this promise is limited to a particular church, denomination, or group of believers within the body of Christ. God has only one family-people who confess Jesus Christ as Savior and seek to follow Jesus as Lord.  God's Promise to Meet Our Needs 69 What about the Christian who doesn't have all of his needs met? The first place you need to look when a need is not being met is not at God or at His Son, Christ Jesus, but at yourself. You err greatly when you ask, Why hasn't God lived up to His promise? You are wise to ask instead, What am I doing that is keeping God from fulfilling this promise in my life? You may respond, "Well, I'm not doing anything to keep this promise from being fulfilled! If you knew my circumstances or my situation... " Let me assure you that no circumstance or situation is going to keep God from acting on your behalf Nothing is too great or too powerful to stand in the way if God chooses to act. The real question remains, What are you doing in the midst of your circumstances or situation? Do you already have a preconceived idea about how God should act to meet your needs or whom God may use to meet your needs? I have encountered a number of people who have said to me, "Well, ifhe would just do such and such and she would agree to do so-and-so, then my need would be met." Or they have said, "Well, I did such and such and therefore God must do this and that." Those who make such statements are not trusting God to be their Need Meeter. Rather, they are asking God to exert His power on behalf of their wishes and commands. We are called by God to trust Him, and Him alone, to meet our needs and to be our total source of supply. Furthermore, God requires that we obey Him as a part of our trusting Him. We have the situation completely backward anytime we start expecting God to trust us to know what is right and to obey our com- mands so that He might prove His love for us..Our position is one of standing before God, declaring, "I trust You completely to meet my needs in Your timing and according to Your methods." Anyone who takes the stance before almighty God, "You must do things my way," is presumptuous and foolish. Goo's MOTIVAT IONS FOR MEETING OUR NEEDS What's in it for God? Why does God give to us? What are His motivations for meeting our needs? 70 Our Unmet Needs MOTIVATED BY LOVE God's foremost motivation for meeting all your needs is this: He loves you. Yes, He loves you, loves you, loves you, loves you. I would repeat it a thousand times and more ifl could. There is no bottom to His divine heart. Why, then, must we do certain things in conditional promises? Why doesn't God just pour out to us all that we need? Because ultimately God is about building a loving relationship with us. Obedience to His conditions is part of having a loving relationship with God. Obedience is evidence that we are trusting God to be the source of our lives. He wants to be the One on whom we depend for provision, the One to whom we look for wise counsel, the One on whom we rely for protection. Obedience in fulfilling God's conditions is also related to our growth and development as Christian believers. We've all heard the old song that says, "I know that you know that I know that you know... " That's what happens when we obey. We know we are obeying, and our obedience creates in us a greater strength to ask for what we desire and to act more quickly when God directs us. CONFORMITY TO CHRIST Often we come to a promise in the Word of God and we know it is true in our minds, but we have difficulty believing it to be true in our hearts, and especially we have difficulty believing that the promise is true for us. One of the reasons we find it difficult to claim God's promises as true in our personal lives is that we do not fully understand what God is seeking to do in our lives. We must understand that God's primary purpose in our lives is not to meet our needs but to conform us into the likeness of His Son. Many people make God out to be some kind of sugar daddy, always ready and willing to give them precisely what they crave at any particular moment. They see God as the wish fulfiller, the One who turns all of our dreams into reality, the ultimate fairy godfather, the One who makes all things just the way we desire for them to be. While it is true that God is our Father and our Provider, and while it is equally true that God desires only the best for us for all eternity, God is not present in our lives to do  God's Promise to Meet Our Needs 7 1 things our way. He is present in our lives so that we might desire and choose to do things His way. God does not exist for our pleasure. We exist for His pleasure. God does not exist to make all of our personal human and often short- sighted dreams come true. We exist so that we might have a part in His plan and purpose for the ages. We do not make God and then tell Him what to do for us. God made us, and He is the One who orders and directs our lives. When we approach the promises of God, we must always keep in mind that God's ultimate purpose in our lives is to conform us into the image of Jesus Christ. God desires for us the same relationship He had with Jesus-a close intimacy so that we do only what the Father directs us to do and all that we do is for His glory. Jesus was 100 percent obe- dient to the will of God the Father in all things. He relied exclusively upon God the Father for direction, wisdom, sustenance, provision, and power. Jesus drew His identity solely from God the Father-everything about the character ofJesus was identical to the character of God the Father. Like Jesus. That is what the Father has in mind for you and for me. He is creating in us the character of Christ. He is molding us to be obedient to His plan for us and in intimate loving relationship with Him. God meets your needs always in the context of making you more like Jesus. A FRESH AND DAILY RELATIONSHIP A prominent Hebrew name for God is El Shaddai-God who Provides. El Shaddai was a living presence to the Israelites, the God who guided them in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night, the God who gave them manna every morning, the God who provided water from solid rock, the God who protected them from Pharaoh's armies, the God who met with Moses face-to-face. El Shaddai was the Provider, their only Provider. The Israelites knew from their experiences in the wilderness that El Shaddai provided their daily needs. Jesus spoke of this also when He taught His disciples to pray, "Give us this day our daily bread" (Matt. 6:11). The prophet Jeremiah wrote, 72 Our Unmet Needs This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. Through the L0RD's mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. «The LoRD is my portion,» says my soul, «Therefore I hope in Him!" (Lam. 3:21-24) The One who meets our needs is fresh and new in His supply every day. He doesn't give us stale leftovers. His supply is precisely what we need in the moment we need it. Everything He gives us is fresh, new, alive, vibrant, powerful. We cannot awaken on any given morning and be without God's mer- cies and His compassions. Regardless of what we have done or said the day before, God is with us in a fresh new relationship every morning. Every night before we go to sleep, we need to confess our sins to God and receive His forgiveness. We need to do this not so that God will awaken the next morning full oflove, forgiveness, and mercy toward us, but so that we will awaken the next morning able to receive the fullness of the love, forgiveness, and mercy He extends to us. God never drags around our unconfessed sins, but we do. The burden of guilt is some- thing we carry. It is vital that we set down the burden of those sins so we can take up the blessings that God has prepared for us to have. You can trust God to meet your needs with a provision that is fresh and good-it will be exciting and life-giving, satisfying and sufficient. AN EXTENSION OF HIS GLORY I once overheard a child offer this as an excuse for his behavior: "I just couldn't help myself." To a certain extent, God meets our needs and desires to give us good gifts because it is His very nature to do so. He cannot fail to give. He cannot fail to love. God's good gifts flow from His goodness. God's very nature of good- ness motivates Him to give good gifts and to give them and give them and give them. There is no end to either God's desire to give good gifts to His children or His ability to give good gifts. And therefore, we can never fully exhaust the storehouse of good gifts that are laid up for us.  God's Promise to Meet Our Needs 73 I once took an informal poll and asked people at random to tell me the first word that came to their minds to describe the nature of God. Many people responded with these words: holy, righteous, just, absolute, eternal. A few people said loving or forgiving. But it was only after asking dozens of people this question that someone responded withgood. Most people don't seem to think of God as being good to them. They tend to think of God as being demanding, exacting, and unrelenting. They see Him as prosecutor, judge, and jury. They see Him as distant, remote, and unfeeling-the Creator, the Higher Power, the Almighty. While God certainly bears all of these titles and at~ributes, He also bears the attributes of faithful, merciful, forgiving, loving, kind, gentle, nur- turing, providing, protecting, and good. We have a lot more ability at times to imagine other people-from close family members to total strangers-doing something good for us than we have the abiliiy to imagine that God might truly pour out an overwhelming blessing on our lives. A provision always for good. All that God has for us is good. His sup- ply is not only ample, but it is of the highest and finest quality. Jeremiah knew this great truth about God: The LoRD isgood to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him. It isgood that one should hope and wait quietly For the salvation of the LORD. (Lam. 3:25-26) God sees the whole of our lives, beginning to ending and on into eter- nity. He knows what is the best for us not only now but tomorrow and next month and next year and twenty years from now. His gifts to us are always good for us. A good parent does not give a child a gift that will make the child unhappy. Neither does he give the child everything the child thinks will make him happy. A parent gives what he believes is best for the child, in the right amounts, at the right ~mes. When I was a boy, there were lots of foods that I didn't particularly like. I ate them anyway. I ate them because my mother cooked them for me and she insisted that I eat them. I ate them because I was hungry and what was put before me was all that was available for me to eat. But that 74 Our Unmet Needs still didn't mean that I enjoyed the taste of all the foods that were put on my plate. An amazing thing happened somewhere along the way to adulthood. I started liking some of the foods that I didn't like as a child. Some of the things to which I would have liked to have said "no, thank you" as a child are things I find myself ordering from menus. That same thing happens to us as we grow in our relationship with Christ and become more conformed to His nature. Some things that we didn't like when we were in an unforgiven, sinful state become things that we dearly love. Some things that we weren't all that fond of when we were babes in Christ become things that are pleasurable to us as we mature in our faith and in our love relationship with God. ~he opposite situation is also true. There were things that I craved and enjoyed as a child that I no longer like. I look back on some foods that I liked as a child and a teenager, and I think, Why did I ever think that tasted good? In like manner, there are things that people do when they are in sin that seem good to them at that state of their lives, but that become things they wouldn't dream of doing once they know Christ or are more mature in Christ. Our minds are renewed when we come to Christ, and a big part of that renewal is a change in the things that we define as good, desirable, pleasurable, rewarding, and satisfying. Our definition of what is good changes as we come to Christ and grow into His likeness. However, God always sees what is absolutely good for us-things that are good for us now, good for us in every area of our lives, good for those around us, and good for us through all eternity. He gives us only the things that are truly beneficial for our growth as His children and that are beneficial for the advancement of His kingdom on this earth. The question to ask yourselfif you have an unmet need today is this: ls this thing that I need something that God defines as good for my life? Proactive and creative in His giving. A woman once told me that one of the best Christmas presents she ever received was a stereo record player that her parents bought for her when she was eleven years old. She said, "It had never dawned on me to ask for a stereo. I'm not sure I even knew that stereo units like the one I received had been manufactured. I certainly would not have asked for such an expensive present. But my ·parents in their generosity gave me a stereo, and it was a gift that gave  God's Promise to Meet Our Needs 75 me countless hours of pleasure during my teen years. My parents con- tinued to monitor the records that I bought. Their gift of a stereo wasn,t without certain limitations about how loud or how late at night I could play it. Even so, the gift was an overwhelming one to me. It was a gift they knew I would enjoy even though I didn,t know how much I would enjoy it until months had passed!' This is the way God gives to us. He gives us what He knows will bring us great pleasure and joy, even though we in our finite wisdom and understanding may not know fully what we need or desire. God does not wait for others to initiate the provision for our inner- most needs. He assumes a proactive position in meeting our needs. God may use other people in the process, but He creates, orchestrates, and engineers the solution that satisfies. Do you believe even for a second that God is surprised by the need you are experiencing? Do you believe that your sudden lack in a certain area of your life is either a mystery or a surprise to God? To the con- trary-God knows you far better than you will ever know yourself He knew about this need in your life today long before you were ever con- ceived in your mother's womb. Not only did God know about that need, but He knew His provision for meeting that need. Just as your need is no surprise and no mystery to Him, neither is the provision for solving your problem or meeting your need hidden from His understanding or ability. God will not keep anything fr?m you that you need to know. God will not withhold anything from you that is rightfully yours as His child. God will not hide any aspect of His character from you. God will not deny you any promise that He makes in His Word. God will not shut you away from any blessing that is for your eternal benefit or that is required for the fulfillment of your purpose on this earth. And best of all, God has already prepared for you all that you will need fur every day of the rest of your life.. 7. The Provision of Unlimited Supply c:6'Do you believe there is a need that might be outside God's abil- ity to meet it? In your heart of hearts, do you believe God is going to supply only 80 percent of your needs, or perhaps 90 percent, or even 99 percent? Not so! When Paul wrote, "My God shall supply all your need," he meant precisely that. All. Not a percentage 0£ Not a fraction of. All. I have heard people say on a number of occasions, "Oh, yes, I have a need in my life. But God has been so good to me... "What is such a per- son sayingi In essence he is saying that he believes he has used up all of his allotted portion of blessings. His current need lies just beyond God's storeroom of supply. His current need pushes him into the category of being selfish or greedy, and therefore? he expects God to turn down his desire for yet another blessing. Friend, God has more for you. He still has blessings that you have not received. Malachi painted a wonderful word picture about this: «Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, That there may be food in My house, And try Me now in this,» Says the LoRD ofhosts, «Jf I will not open for you the windows ofheaven And pour out for you such blessing That there wilt not be room enough to receive it.» (Mat. 3:10) 77 78 Our Unmet Needs We are not to think we are asking for too much from God. Malachi pointed us toward the knowledge that God has more for us than we are capable ofreceiving. An abundance of God's provision for us lies beyond what we have even thought to request. Not long ago I heard about a man who said, "I cannot contain it all." This man as a child had dreamed of owning a house with a big yard so that he could buy a riding lawn mower to mow it. He loved to be out- side as a boy, and he thought the idea of mowing a lawn with a riding lawn mower would be about the best thing a person could do on a Saturday afternoon. He had been a churchgoer all of his life, and even as a child, he gave his tithes and offerings to God. Over the years, he never wavered from that obedience to the Lord. He was wise in his spending and wise in all of his business practices. Decade by decade, his fortune grew, and along with it, the amount of his tithes and offerings. He thanked God for all things. And by the time he was sixty years old, he lived on an estate in which he had more than an acre of lawn. Sure enough he had a riding lawn mower. And not only did he have this estate, but he also owned houses in two other areas of the country. In each place he had two auto- mobiles, one for himself and one for his wife. And in each place, he had a riding lawn mower. Finally at age seventy-five, he said to God, "There's too much for me to contain. I don'_t need three riding lawn mowers, six cars, three houses, and a boat to maintain. This blessing You have poured out for me from heaven-well, Lord, I just don't have room to receive it all!" Most of us don't have the problem that man had. But then again, most of us don't have the simple trust in God that he had all of his life. He had no doubt that God would meet his needs, and that God would meet them with an overflowing abundance. He believed that God had the ability to do or accomplish anything. And in believing that he was a beloved son of God, he had no trouble receiving the blessings that God showered upon him from above. The man ardently sought out every bit of wisdom that God might send his way as he conducted his various business affairs. He asked God to help him in every relationship he had·-not only in his relationships with his wife and children, but in his relationships with employees and even those who serviced his riding lawn mower. He asked God to help  The Provision of Unlimited Supply 79 him grow in his spiritual life and in his ability to be an effective minister to others. God had given him numerous opportunities to share his busi- ness expertise with others in one-to-one counseling and in providing business wisdom to his church and various community groups. The man truly believed that God would meet all of his needs-not some, but a/l- and that God would meet his needs in a way that was overflowing in gen- erosity and abundance. Do you believe about God what this man believed about God? Do you know God and trust Him as this man did? Are you truly trusting God to meet all of your needs-not some, not just a high percentage, but all-even to the point that you no longer can contain all of the bless- ing that God pours out on you? Goo's STOREHOUSE OF SUPPLY God does not meet our needs according to our resources-the talents we have, the gifts we offer, the numbers we have associated with our bank accounts or investment portfolios. No. God meets our needs according to His resources. And what are God's resources? My! You cannot begin to count all of God's resources. The oceans and seas are His. The continents are His. The atmosphere and all ofouter space are His. All that is under the continents and all that is locked away as potential for life-giving blessing in plants and animals-His! We cannot begin to calculate all of God's resources that are available for His use on this earth, and we haven't eve~ begun to count the unseen resources of heaven. His resources are immeasurable, indestructible, and inexhaustible. God's bank account has no limitations. His storehouse of supply is beyond our imaginations in size, scope, and magnificence. How rich is God? What does God possess? The psalmist recorded this about God's wealth: I am God, your God!... Every beast ofthe forest is Mine, And the cattle on a thousand hills. I know a/J the birds ofthe mountains, AndthewildbeastsofthefieldareMine. (Ps. 50:7, 10-11) 80 Our Unmet Needs In Haggai 2:8, the Lord declared, "The silver is Mine, and the gold is Mine.". ALL THINGS ARE GOVERNED BY Goo Everything that is in existence is owned by God, governed by God, and available to God at any given moment. He is in absolute control over anything that we might call a resource, be it animal, mineral, plant, or atmospheric in nature. He has created all and sustains all. At any given second, God could wipe out everything we know as being real, includ- ing our lives, because His power over His creation is all-encompassing. As Christians, you and I are living in union with the Sovereign Power of the universe. Not only is God in total and absolute authority over all things in the universe, but also over every process of the universe. The laws by which nature operates are God's laws. He made them, He can alter them, and He can change them if He so desires. All of the scientific laws that we associate with healing, growth, development, and fruitfulness are His laws. Furthermore, all things that exist but are unseen-in other words, the spiritual realm-are governed by God and are subject to His command. All of the rules or laws that pertain to good relationships, good mar- riages, good psychological and emotional health, a sense of well-being, effective communication, leadership, a righteous community of people, a godly attitude, development of a good character, and many other laws related to our inner being and our relationships with others are God's laws. He established them, and He continues to rule over them. We often think of the natural world as being subject to the laws of nature, but when it comes to human nature, many people factor out God's sovereignty. God is the Author of the laws that govern human nature just as He is the Author of the laws that govern the natural envi- ronment in which we live. Friend, there isn't a resource or a process, seen or unseen, known or unknown, that is outside God's domain and God's governance. You are in union with Christ Jesus, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit simul- taneously and continually. You are in union with God in His fullness, and that includes the fullness of His authority and power over all things.  The Provision of Unlimited Supply 81 Surely at this point Philippians 4:19 becomes really exciting! "My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory." We are privileged by God and given the right by God to tap into His riches in glory-riches that are far beyond anything that we can fully understand or comprehend. As Paul wrote to the Ephesians, God "is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think" (Eph. 3:20). In other words, you can't begin to ask God for all that He desires to give you. You can't imagine all that He has for you. I have a pretty good imagination and a pretty good boldness in asking things of God. What an awesome statement about God's supply house to think that we can't even imagine all that is contained in God's riches and that we don't have enough time on this earth to tap into all that God has made available to us! One of the words that most toddlers learn quickly and use to great advantage is more. Give a young child a sip of a milk shake or a spoon- ful of good-tasting pudding and that child is likely to respond, "More." Even if the child doesn't say the word, the look in his eyes is one of eager anticipation, More! As little children before our heavenly Father, we are like toddlers desiring more of God's goodness and more of God's riches in our lives. And just as a loving parent does not give a child just one taste of an ice-cream cone and then deny the child a second taste, neither does our loving heavenly Father give us just a taste of His goodness and then deny all future requests for His blessings. Goo Is OUR NEED MEETER We must recognize three significant truths about God's provision and His storehouse of unlimited supply. The first of these is that God, and God alone, is the One who provides. He is the One who holds the keys to the storehouse ofunlimited supply. He is both the originator and the giver of the supply. Paul wrote very specifically that God will supply all our need "accord~ ing to His riches in glory" (Phil. 4:19). His supply, Hisstorehouse, His riches, His possessions. How many people in the world today believe that all of their needs can be met by a government agency or by a special program of some kind? Let me assure you, no government or special program can ever meet all 82 Our Unmet Needs of a person's needs, and certainly not the most fundamental and basic of all needs: spiritual and emotional needs. No amount of government aid can ever instill self-worth. In fact, government aid too often becomes a detriment to self-worth. The quicker we come to the understanding that only God in Christ is the Need Meeter, the sooner we will release other people from the tremendous burden we try to place upon them to meet our needs to pro- vide for us all of the emotional support and love that ultimately God alone can provide. I cannot convey to you how important this is to our developing healthy and joyful relationships with other people. As long as we look to others to satisfy the deep inner longings that we sometimes cannot even fully define or describe, we will remain in a needy state. God alone is capable of meeting our deepest inner needs. God may use certain people to meet your needs, but you must never look to those people or require them to meet your needs. To do so is to set yourself up to be devastated when those people fail you either through a willful act or through a lack of ability. No person, or persons, can be or should ever be counted upon to be your source of hope, joy, peace, contentment, creativity, or emotional security. God alone is your source for the meeting of these needs! Goo MEETS OUR NEEDS BY CHRIST JESUS God has a method for making available to us the riches of His unlim- ited storehouse. That means of availability is Christ Jesus. This is the sec- ond truth we must learn. Many people, including a good percentage of those who sit in churches every Sunday, do not know the position they have in Christ; therefore, they do not understand the privileges that are theirs in Christ. Many people live their entire lives without knowing the fullness of the provision that God has for them. Many companies today issue identification passes to their employees. These passes give them entrance into the company and, in some cases, restrict or give access to various departments or physical locations within the company. Our "pass" into all areas of God's storehouse is Christ Jesus. Paul wrote to the Philippians that God supplies our needs "by Christ Jesus."  The Provision of Unlimited Supply 83 Jesus brought us to the Father and mediates for us before His throne, saying, "This one believes in Me." Because of what Jesus has done for us and what Jesus declares about us, we are forgiven and cleansed of all our sin. Jesus gives us access to God the Father. Jesus brings us again and again to the Father and says, "This is the need in Our beloved one's life. This is what We must meet." "By Christ Jesus" we are in relationship with the Father. And thus, by Christ Jesus we are in a position to receive all that the Father has for us in the way of our inheritance as His children. Jesus knows my name and my address. He knows precisely where to deliver God's "riches in glory." We have the position in Christ to receive God's ample supply. Christ has an ample supply to give. And we have the privilege of receiving His supply. THE PRIVILEGE OF INSTANT ACCESS Furthermore, we have instant access to God's provision. There is no time in our lives when we are cut off from God, and therefore, there is no time when we are cut off from His supply. You can be on a gurney being rolled into a surgical suite. You can be standing at your kitchen sink washing dishes. You can be sitting at your desk shuffling papers. You can be out on the golf course just about to make a putt. You can be driving in your car on a freeway. One of the greatest privileges of your life is that you have instant access to God. You do not need to complete a certain protocol, accom- plish a list of prerequisites, or be in a certain place, holding your hands in a specific way or reciting a particular statement. You can get in touch with God instantly, directly, and personally at any time of day or night, in any situation or circumstance, either verbally or silently. Let me paint a picture for you. Suppose that a person sees the brochure we publish about our In Touch cruise to Alaska, and he decides he wants to go on a trip like that. He makes his reservation, saves his money, and buys his tickets. He packs his bags, and finally the day comes when he boards the ship. He goes to the first sitting of the first dinner meal and takes a look at the long, sumptuous buffet table. Then he sits down, opens a little sack, and pulls out a few crackers and a jar of peanut butter. 84 Our Unmet Needs Someone asks him at that point what he's doing, and he replies, "I'm having dinner." This person obviously doesn't know that all of his meals on the ship are covered by the price of his ticket. When you came to Christ, at/ of the provisions and abundance of Christ Jesus were made available to you. You don't have to remain in a needy state. Christ has what you need in sufficient supply, and it is avail- able for you to access right now. A FULL PROVISION FOR EVERY NEED The good news for us is that these are not only needs in our lives, but because they are needs that God has created within us from birth, they are also needs for which God has created a full provision. God never sets up a situation or creates a circumstance without also building in the full provision, expression, or potential for success in that situation or cir- cumstance. This is the third significant truth about God's provision. God creates needs so that we might trust Him to provide for the needs, and in the process, we might grow in our relationship with Him and strengthen our ability to be and do what He has created us to be and do. Stated another way, any lack in our lives is an opportunity for us to grow in our relationship with God, and an opportunity for us to grow in our abilities and in our faith so that we can be even more effective ser- vants of God and witnesses to God's love and grace. For God to give His people needs and then fail to provide for the needs would be punitive and hateful. God certainly is neither! It is out of God's great love and mercy that He has built a God-shaped vacuum into our lives and then offered to freely, generously, and abundantly fill that void with His love, presence, and power. Friend, there isn't a sin- gle verse in all the Bible that describes God as uncaring, unfeeling, stingy, or tight. YOUR SUPPLY Box Is FULL In Ephesians 1:3 Paul declared, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ." I want you to notice that this statement is in the past tense. Paul did not say that God is going to bless us with  The Provision of Unlimited Supply 85 spiritual blessings once we are in heaven, or even once we fulfill certain duties, roles, or commands. Paul wrote that Jesus Christ already has made all of these blessings available to us. They are blessings that are already laid up in God's storehouse for us to claim. God does not have to go out and work to refill your supply box. Your supply box is already full to overflowing. Everything you are ever going to need to fulfill God's plan and purpose for your life has already been placed in your supply box, and it has been there since the moment of your conception. God has already deposited to your account all that you will ever need to withdraw. In other words, you cannot have a need that is too great for God to meet. You cannot have a need that takes God by surprise. You cannot have a need that is beyond the supply that has already been provided by your heavenly Father and made available to you by Christ Jesus!.8. The Provision of a Way Out CJS'Have you ever confronted a problem and said, "Where's the exit sign? I want out of this situation"? It might have been a finan- cial problem, a career-related problem, a family-related problem, or a personal problem. When anyone is in need, the first thought is usually, How can I escape this? If that is the way you are feeling and thinking about a need in your life, you should be encouraged today. God does have a way to resolve your needl Three questions are related to virtually all types of needs: 1. Who or what is responsible for causing the need? 2. What is necessary for the need to be met? 3. Who is responsible for meeting the need? I believe a powerful principle related to needs ties together the answers to these questions: Whatever created the need in your life will determine how God supplies the need and who is responsible for meeting the need. In other words, the one responsible for causing the need is ulti- mately the one responsible for meeting the need, and the condition caused by the need is directly related to the solution for the need. Financial needs require financial solutions. Physical needs require physical solutions. 87 88 Our Unmet Needs Relational needs require relational solutions. Spiritual needs require spiritual solutions. Needs that arise from hatred require solutions rooted in love. In nearly all cases, t~e way out of a need is the same way you got into the need-only in reverse. The person primarily responsible for meeting the need is the person involved in creating the need. NEEDS THAT Goo CREATES God created some needs. Many Christians have not stopped to thor- oughly consider that truth. They automatically assume that God solves needs, and therefore, the devil or the evil nature of man must create them. Just because God is the supreme Need Meeter does not mean that needs are not sometimes created by God in our lives so that His plan and purpose can be realized in us and through us. Have you ever stopped to consider that God created a need in the life of Moses? Moses had been tending sheep for forty years on the back side of the desert. He was married, had children, and had a gooo relationship with his father-in-law, who was the priest of the people with whom Moses had settled. He had a career, a family, and a degree of status and wealth. And then God showed up. The Lord revealed Himself to Moses in a bush that was ablaze with fire but was not consumed. God spoke to Moses and created a major problem for him: "Go back to Pharaoh. Lead My people out of Egypt and to the promised land." Moses was wanted on murder charges in Pharaoh's court. He had no status with the Hebrew people or author- ity to lead them anywhere. And furthermore, he had no public-speaking ability. Problems? Yes, huge problems. As-is true for all problems that God creates, we have only one choice: obey or disobey God's demand on our lives. To obey is to put ourselves into a position for God to provide for our need. To disobey is to put our- selves outside the boundaries of God's provision. Moses obeyed. Consider the situation of a thirty-six-year-old man who is married, has a family, has a good job, and has bought a house ih a nice neighborhood. And then, consider what happens if God calls that man to preach the gospel. God creates a whole host of needs for that man-where to go to seminary, how to pay for seminary, where to live, how to help his chil-  The Provision of a Way Out 89 dren and ~fe make the move, and on and on. To obey is to see God's provision. To disobey is to be miserable. Many people respond to God's demand on their lives by blaming God, blaming others, or sulking in their pain. The better approach is to ask, "God, what is Your goal for me? What do You want me to do? Help me to trust You to fulfill what You are calling me to do and be." When God creates a need, He determines what is necessary for meet- ing the need, and He is responsible for meeting the need. NEEDS THAT WE CREATE FOR OURSELVES We create other needs for ourselves. Needs in this area are very often material, physical, financial, or relational. Many of our self-created needs arise because of unwise decisions. The need will be met, in part, by our making wise decisions and having the courage, skill, and determination to follow through on them. Let me give you an example. Suppose you have engaged in a bad health habit, which over time has caused an unhealthy situation in your body. Perhaps you have eaten foods that are too high in cholesterol and fat content, and you are now facing a higher risk for heart attack and stroke. What will solve this need? Well, the solution in part will involve your making a wise decision to cut down your fat and cholesterol intake, to engage in more active exercise, and to have periodic physical checks on this condition. What is the way out of a need created by an unwise decision? A wise decision. And who is primarily responsible for meeting the need? The person who has made the unwise decision. What is God's role in this? I believe that God will give any person wis- dom ifhe asks for it. James 1:5-6 tells us, "Ifany ofyou lacks wisdom, let him ask ofGod, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith." I believe that God will give daily guidance to any person who requests it, and that He will give courage, fortitude, and willpower to any person who requests these qualities. In some cases, people create needs in their relationships, perhaps through ignorance and carelessness, but often through rebellion and self-centeredness. Hurtful words may be spoken; estrangement may arise; divisiveness may take root. The relationship is in need. What is the way out of this type of need? Generally speaking, it will be 90 Our Unmet Needs the opposite of what created the need. Consider the man who is neglect- ful of his wife. Perhaps he spends fifteen hours a day at the office and gives his wife no priority when it comes to scheduling his weekend hours. What is the solution for the need? A big part of it is likely to be a repri- oritizing of plans and schedules so that the man can spend more 'time with his wife. Who is responsible for meeting the need? The man. What is God's role? I believe God will give the man wisdom about how to repri- oritize his time and efforts, and will help heal the heart of the wife and make her more open to a full reconciliation with her husband. If unkind words have been spok;en, kind words need to be spoken. If dishonesty has become a pattern, honesty needs to prevail. If lies have been told, the truth needs to be told. Ifhateful actions have been taken, loving actions need to be pursued. Jesus told a parable about a man who created needs for himself. We know it as the parable of the prodigal son. (See Luke 15:11-24.) Through a series of wrong conclusions and bad decisions, the young man created needs in his life. He learned what we all learn: bad decisions produce bad consequences. Some of the needs in the young man's life were no doubt legitimate. He had a need to prove himself and fulfill his personal destiny, as well as a need to establish his own identity. Other needs might not have been of his own choosing. He might have experienced feelings ofrejection. The problem, however, arose because the young man did not know how to resolve his needs. He left home rather than confront his neediness at home. We can never outrun or escape our neediness. The prodigal son ended up homeless, hopeless, rejected, criticized, left out, and with a deep longing for love. The good news of this story is that no matter how needy we become-and regardless of the fact that we might have brought some needs on ourselves-God loves us, accepts us, forgives us, and helps us to resolve our needs. He will not do our part, but He will assist us so that our efforts will succeed and we will have both the courage and the endurance necessary to see a problem resolved fully or a need met fully. NEEDS THAT ARE CRENI'ED BY OTHERS There are some needs that we don't ask for and we don't create, but that others create for us. Joseph was certainly a person who experienced  The Provision of a. Way Out 91 this type of need. He was sold into slavery by his brothers through no fault of his own, other than telling his brothers two of his dreams. While in Egypt and in slavery, Joseph was falsely accused by Potiphar's wife, and as a result of the false charge, he found himselfin prison even though he had acted righteously before God. Yes, Joseph had problems created by others! One time after an In Touch rally, a woman greeted me. She put a note in my hand and said with great insistence, "Please read this." When I opened her note later, I found that it said: I feel hopeless. I have no purpose in life. I am angry with God. But I believe what you said tonight and I am accepting Jesus Christ as my Savior. Suicide and hell would be wor~e. At the bottom of the note she had written: "Adult 24. Child of alco- holic father. Mother in mental hospitals most of my life. Sexually and physically abused as a child." This young woman, like Joseph, had not asked for the troubles of her life. But also like Joseph, she had made a decision to trust God with her life. In cases where others create problems for us, God's role is one of deliverance from evil. Total and abiding trust in God is our only hope. NEEDS THAT WE INHERIT FROM OTHERS Some people have had some needs so long that they can't remember how they acquired the needs or from whom. Needs in this category are very often emotional in nature, and a good number of them relate to needs that begin early in life. Some of these emotional needs are rooted in parental rejection, abuse, ~eparation, hateful criticism, cutting remarks, or neglect. Others arise out of repeated failures. What can be done in these cases? Well, first we must recognize that these needs are usually deep- seated and that they will take time to reverse. There are no quick cures for the feelings, hurts, and emotional needs that arise from bad par- enting early in a child's life. Long-term and loving commitments are required. What brings about the healing, however, is often the opposite 92 Our Unmet Needs of what caused the pain-being accepted, loved, nurtured, praised, val- ued, included, honored, treated with dignity and respect. In cases of repeated failures, the need may be best met through information, wise counsel, acquired skills, and opportunities for incremental and consis- tent successes. The person primarily responsible for meeting needs arising from repeated failure is the "bad teacher" or the "inattentive student." The failures may be self-created through rebellion that caused the person to reject sound teaching or through lack of discipline that resulted in a failure to practice or maintain good skills and habits. The failure may result from bad information or bad role modeling. The need will be met through good teaching, good role modeling, diligent practice, a submissive attitude, and an eagerness to be instructed and to learn. The errant student is responsible for finding a good teacher since in all likelihood, the bad teacher will be incapable of providing good teaching. In both the case of an emotional need arising from bad parenting and the case of a failure-related need arising from bad past performance, the person must be able to recognize his own need if he is going to be able to participate in meeting his need. One difficulty in solving these types of needs is that the needy person often admits only to having rather neb- ulous, undefined, foggy or fuzzy types of inner feelings. There is rest- lessness, but there is little understanding of what originally caused such vague, yet persistent feelings. The person tends to know that something is wrong or missing, but he is unsure about what. In my experience, a critical step is taken when the person will ulti- mately admit to having one or more of these needs: I need acceptance. I need successes in what I attempt to do. I need approval. I need to be loved genuinely and unconditionally. I need attention. I need friendship or companionship. I need to feel that my life is worthwhile and valued. I need to be needed by someone. I need a vacation ( or a break).  The Provision of a Way Out 93 I need a rest. I need a challenge. Identifying the type of need is the first step toward recognizing what the solution for the need might be. If a vacation or a prolonged break is needed, the need will be met through planning and then taking a vaca- tion or prolonged break. Ifthe need is friendship or companionship, the need will be met through engaging in activities that give an opportunity for friendships to develop. And ultimately when it comes to meeting the emotional or deep inner needs of another person-the needs that may have no known source or specific cause-the responsibility for need meeting is going to fall upon three sources, each of which may have a different level of responsibility: (1) the person with the emotional need; (2) loving Christian friends; and ( 3) God Himself. It is very difficult to help a person with a deep-seated or long-standing emotional need unless he is willing to receive help and in some way engage actively in meeting the need. The person who turns his back on all help, wise counsel, or prayer will probably continue to experience · need regardless of what others do. In some cases, people will say to themselves and others, ''Well, if this is a problem, God will fix it." In saying this, they expect God to com- pletely override their will, emotions, and thought processes-something God does not do except in the most extreme cases where His eternal plan and purpose are involved. A do-nothing attitude toward a need results in a nothing-done state. We are never to expect God to do everything while we sit back and do nothing. In the Gospel of John, Jesus described the Holy Spirit as our Helper, our Counselor, our Advocate. He is not described as the One who will do everything for us and require nothing ofus. An older farmer gave this advice to a younger farmer: "Ask God to show you what to plant and when to plant. Then plant the best seed you can buy. Ask God to grow the seeds. Then cultivate the ground, pull the weeds, and fertilize the plants as they grow. Ask God to produce a great harvest. Then go out and gather the harvest when it is ripe. Ask God to show you how to market your produce. Then take your produce to mar- ket. Don't try to do God's part. And don't expect God to do yours." 94 Our Unmet Needs INVOLVEMENT BY OTHERS No one person's needs can be met fully by just one other person. The reason lies in the question, How much is enough? You can ask that ques- tion of virtually anything in life. In human terms, there is never enough that any human being can do, have, or be in order to meet a need com- pletely, especially an emotional or spiritual inner need. A human being who is starving for affection can never get enough affection from one other human being. A person who is frightened and lonely deep down inside can never get a feeling of security or compan- ionship. He or she can never get close enough to another human being. I have watched with sadness as marriages have become estranged over this very issue. One person in the relationship is needy and so desperate to have a deep inner need met that he or she will cling to the spouse until the spouse is drained dry and is left feeling bewildered, exhausted, sad, angry, and frustrated-often all at the $ame time. A person with deep inner needs seems to draw upon others with a relentless, insatiable emo- tional hunger, and virtually nothing that any other person does is enough to satisfy the inner need. Friends, contributors, employers, employees, volunteers, family-mem- bers, skilled consultants and experts, hired specialists, and numerous other categories of people are required in some way for nearly all types of material, physical, financial, and relational needs to be met. In the realm of emotional healing, the person with a need will need a body of believers to bring about a total meeting of the need. If the per- son needs approval for the talents and gifts that God has given him, he will need approval from several people, not just one, for him to feel that the approval is valid. The body of Christ should provide such approval. If the person needs friendship, he will need the friendship of several people, not just one person. The body of Christ should provide such friendship. If the person needs sound teaching or new skills, the person will need several teachers to provide that instruction, not just one teacher. The body of Christ should provide such instruction in the form of pastors and teachers who are good role models and who provide consistently wise instruction from the pulpit, in Sunday school classes, in small group meetings, at retreats and seminars, over the airwaves, in the form of  The Provision of a Way Out 95 books and tapes, and through one-on-one conversations and counseling sessions. Again, an inner need cannot be met by an external solution, including the external solutions manifested in another human being. No one per- son can totally satisfy all of the inner need in another person. We are called to be part of and to participate fully in the body of Christ. FALSE SOLUTIONS TO NEED MEETING In many cases, the behavior ofa person is rooted in his perception that what he is doing externally will bring about the solution to his deep needs internally. But external solutions don't work for deep emotional or spiritual needs. Let me give you a couple of examples. Let's consider a man who works sixty hours a week at his job. All of his energies, seven days a week, are aimed at getting ahead in his career. Outwardly this man claims that he must work long hours either to keep his job or to advance in his job. Or he may claim that he is expending all of the time and effort for the good of his family. At the core of his being, however, is a deep need to be accepted, recognized, and rewarded for who he is as a person. He has a deep need to achieve in order to have a place in the social world that he doesn't have. All of his energies are channeled into the workplace in hopes that somebody will value him enough, recognize him enough, reward him enough, or accept him as being worthy. He is trying to rheet internal needs through external needs. Ifyou were to ask such a person whether he had needs, he would likely say, "No, I don't have any needs. I'm just a hard worker." The reality is, such a man often does not know within himself the true nature of his inner needs, and he has been deceived into thinking that he can increase his value to others, and ultimately to God, through hard work. Such a person is driven by inner needs, but he will not solve the needs through the work he does. Let's consider a woman who gets involved in every volunteer effort and every church committee available. From dawn to dusk she does good works for her church and her community. She says she is just try- ing to be a good Christian. In reality, however, she is struggling with a 96 Our Unmet Needs sense of failure before God. She feels unworthy of God's love and accep- tance. She is haunted by incidents long in her past in which she felt rejec- tion, pain, and sorrow. She might have been involved in some type of sin, either her own or that of another person, and she feels unclean and of little value before God. Her efforts are an external attempt to compen- sate for an internal need. Such a woman likely does not know that she is attempting to meet inner needs through her relentless work on behalf of others. In truth, she feels driven to give of herself to make herself worthy of God's love and forgiveness. She is striving to earn what Jesus has already offered to her freely. I have talked to a number of men and women who fit the profiles I have given here, and in every case, ifl am able to talk to the persons long enough and they are willing to be honest with themselves and with me, we get to the point where we come face-to-face with a deep emotional or spiritual need in their live