Anger: Understanding and Managing Anger PDF

ANGER What is Anger? Anger is a strong emotion expressing displeasure when a need or expectation is not met. Anger is often characterized by a series of reactions. The reactions include (one or all) emotional, verbal, and physical reactions. However, anger by itself is neither good nor bad. It is an emotion. Your motivation and how you choose to react when angry is what determines the appropriateness or inappropriateness of your anger. Why do people get angry? Many say that anger is a God-given emotion that like all components of man, it was corrupted in the fall. However, how many times did Adam and Eve argue in the Garden before the fall? The Bible seems to acknowledge anger more than condoning it. (This will be discussed later). There is an anger which comes when one sees the principles of God violated or when the weak are oppressed (genuine emotion), and there is an unrighteous anger which is self-serving and manipulative (light-switch emotions). It is necessary to identify anger and deal with it. There are appropriate and inappropriate reasons to be angry. There are also appropriate and inappropriate responses to anger. And since all "feelings" are the result of how one perceives an event (thinks), it is necessary to fully evaluate the reality and the legitimacy of our perceptions. Appropriate - Proverbs 17:27-28 He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit. Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding. Inappropriate - Proverbs 29:22 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression. 78 There are degrees of anger: The different degrees of anger are reflected in the words used for anger. The degree of anger varies from “irritated” to “infuriated”. The response to anger varies from “withdrawal” to “explosive” Malice Murder —— 100 —— Hatred Suicide —— 90 —— Bitterness Rage —— 80 —— Resentment Beat Up —— 70 —— Unforgiving —— 60 —— Damage —— 50 —— Repulsed Incite —— 40 —— Provoke —— 30 —— Ostracize —— 20 —— Infuriated —— 10 —— Disgusted —— 0 —— Humiliate Silence Gossip —— -10 —— Slander —— -20 —— Jealous Criticize —— -30 —— Sarcasm Envious Ridicule —— -40—— Exasperated —— -50 —— Frustrated —— -60 —— Irritated —— -70 —— Annoyed Passive Anger Active Anger 79 Synonyms for Anger abhor disgusted irritated ridicule agitated enraged loathe sarcastic anger exasperated mad scorn annoyed fed up mean sick & tired bitter furious miffed sore burned grieved moody spiteful cranky grouchy offended troubled criticize hurt repulsed uptight cross inflamed resentful vexed disdain infuriated resentful vicious Understanding Anger from a Biblical Perspective Is Anger always a Sin? The Bible teaches that there is an anger based in righteousness and an anger based in unrighteousness (sin). Again, I believe that this acknowledges the emotion, but does not actually condone it. Righteous anger is not quick, reactive, or self-serving. It is the lawful administration of judgment or consequence. Unrighteous anger is self-serving and punitive. Matthew 5:22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: This verse teaches that there may be a reason (a cause) to be angry. Ephes. 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: This verse teaches that you may be angry, but not sin. 80 Guidelines for Anger Ephes. 4:26-32 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. x Anger can be appropriate v. 26 x You can control yourself when angry v. 26 x Anger should have a duration v. 26 x Anger can give opportunity to the Devil v. 27 x Anger should be put away v. 31 x Bitterness, wrath, anger, etc. all related. v. 31 x Anger is a choice v. 32 x Anger can be conquered through forgiveness v. 32 Why do people get angry and respond un-Biblically? 1. All Anger is a choice. 2. Anger reveals the true nature of a person (Luke 6:45) 3. Unrighteous anger is an emotion of selfishness and self-centeredness 4. Unrighteous anger focuses on the faults of others and ignores the faults of self 5. Unrighteous anger focuses on the damage to self 6. Unrighteous anger wants to control and coerce 7. Unrighteous anger is influenced by many aspects of our life 8. Unrighteous anger is a (lazy) shortcut to a (false) solution 9. Unrighteous anger is reactive instead of planned and thoughtful 10. Unrighteous anger is the influence of our sinful nature 81 Unrighteous Anger Causes 1. Pride. Proverbs 21:24 2. Cruelty. Genesis 49:7; Proverbs 27:3-4 3. Clamour and evil-speaking. Ephes. 4:31 4. Malice and blasphemy. Col. 3:8 5. Strife and contention. Proverbs 21:19; Proverbs 29:22; 6. Jealousy 1 Sam. 18: 7. Frustration Examples Cain. Genesis 4:5-6 Haman. Esther 3:5 Esau. Genesis 27:45 Nebuchadnezzar. Daniel 3:13 Simeon and Levi. Genesis 49:5-7 Jonah. Jonah 4:4 Moses. Numbers 20:10-11 Herod. Matthew 2:16 Saul. 1 Samuel 20:30 Jews. Luke 4:28 Ahab. 1 Kings 21:4 High Priest. Acts 5:17; Acts 7:54 Naaman. 2 Kings 5:11 Paul Acts 23:3 Uzziah. 2 Chron. 26:19 Paul and Barnabus Acts 15:39 Questions To Identify Cause of Anger 1. What are my thoughts about this situation? 2. Why am I choosing to be angry? 3. Am I responding or reacting? 4. Is there an injustice that warrants action? 5. Am I reacting out of Pride or unmet expectation? 6. How does the other person view this situation? 7. What part do I have in contributing to this situation? 8. What am I really angry about? 9. Am I angry because of the situation or because of my current mood? 10. Am I dealing with the issue or with the self? 82 Injunctions against un-righteous anger Psalm 37:8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. Eccles. 7:9 Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. Job 5:2 For wrath killeth the foolish man, and envy slayeth the silly one. Proverbs 15:18 A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. Proverbs 16:32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. Proverbs 19:19 A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment: for if thou deliver him, yet thou must do it again. Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. Proverbs 22:24-25 Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul. Proverbs 27:3-4 A stone is heavy, and the sand weighty; but a fool's wrath is heavier than them both. Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy? Col. 3:8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. James 1:19-20 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. 83 Biblical Examples (Righteous Anger) Examples and Causes Moses - Injustice Exodus 11:8 And all these thy servants shall come down unto me, and bow down themselves unto me, saying, Get thee out, and all the people that follow thee: and after that I will go out. And he went out from Pharaoh in a great anger. Jacob – False Accusation Genesis 31:36 And Jacob was wroth, and chode with Laban: and Jacob answered and said to Laban, What is my trespass? what is my sin, that thou hast so hotly pursued after me? Jonathan – Wrong Treatment of Another 1 Samuel 20:33-34 And Saul cast a javelin at him to smite him: whereby Jonathan knew that it was determined of his father to slay David. So Jonathan arose from the table in fierce anger, and did eat no meat the second day of the month: for he was grieved for David, because his father had done him shame. Nehemiah – Wrong Treatment of Another Neh. 5:6-7 And I was very angry when I heard their cry and these words. Then I consulted with myself, and I rebuked the nobles, and the rulers, and said unto them, Ye exact usury, every one of his brother. And I set a great assembly against them. Jesus – Religious Hypocrites Mark 3:5 And when he had looked round about on them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched it out: and his hand was restored whole as the other. Jesus – Preventing Worship Mark 10:13-14 And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. Proverbs 16:32 The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression. 84 Proverbs 19 9:11 Common Responses to Anger 1. Withdrawal – Leaving a room, maintaining silence, physical exercise or distraction, alcohol, drugs, or other behavior to “make one feel better”. This is the easiest and least effective way to deal with anger. 2. Redirect Anger Inward – Suppress or repress anger resulting in physical manifestations (ulcers, high blood pressure, etc.); negative and self-defeating thoughts; physical harm to self. When anger is turned inward, the person may present a calm, smiling exterior. This person is the proverbial “powder keg”. 3. Explosive Behavior – Anger is not the same as aggression, but uncontrolled anger frequently leads to aggression. Three types: x Direct aggression x Passive Aggression x Redirected Aggression 4. Deal with Source of Anger Biblically – Consider the source, your reaction, your motivation before acting. Remember, God asked Jonah, “Doest thou well to be angry?” (Jonah 4:4) Counseling Emphasize: 1. Anger can be positive or negative - it is your motivation and your response that decides. 2. Anger can reveal your true nature. 3. Anger can reveal past hurts that are still within you. 4. Anger can reveal your inappropriate ways of meeting your needs. 5. Anger can demonstrate your standing with God. 6. Anger can help you realize areas of your life that need changing. 7. Anger appropriately displayed is used by God to convict others. 8. Anger handled correctly is a powerful witness and testimony. 85 Dealing With Anger in Self 1. Realize that anger is a choice you make - No one makes you angry 2. Pause before speaking 3. Decide what the real issue is before responding 4. Evaluate Your Feelings 5. Determine what is the motivation for your anger 6. Determine if there is a need for anger 7. Address the real issue\object of your anger 8. Acquire information before reacting 8. Be conscious of the presence of God as you respond to an issue 9. Talk to God abut your feelings Dealing With Anger in Others 1. Remain calm - Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. 2. Control Your Response - Proverbs 16:32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. 3. Avoid sarcasm - Proverbs 29:8 Scornful men bring a city into a snare: but wise men turn away wrath. 4. Choose the right time to respond - Eccles. 3:7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 5. Be constructive when speaking - Col. 4:6 Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. 6. Be patient and understanding - Proverbs 25:15 By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone. 7. Be willing to forgive the offender - Ephes. 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. 8. Pay attention to what you say - Psalm 39:1 I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with a bridle, while the wicked is before me. 86 ANXIETY What is Anxiety? Anxiety is a response to a vague or imaginary threat or danger. Fear is a response to a well-defined or real threat or danger. Both anxiety and fear trigger unpleasant mental symptoms as well as physical symptoms. As always, we are addressing an overwhelming emotion without a pathology, or physical cause. Symptoms Mental: Physical: x Periods of undefined worry x Shortness of breath and fear x Choking x Fear of dying x Sweating x Fear of going crazy x Dizziness or unsteady x Fear of losing control feeling x Fear of unknown origin x Nausea x Fear of an object x Flushes x Crying Different kinds of Anxiety Problems x Generalized Anxiety Disorder x Panic Disorder x Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia x Social Phobia x Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder x Post Traumatic Stress Disorder x Simple Phobia 87 Although each of these anxieties has a different manifestation, the root cause is very similar. What Causes Anxiety? Anxieties are the result of negative thoughts and expectations that are reinforced repeatedly and therefore strengthened. Simply put, people work themselves into their own anxiety. People with anxiety-related problems often share many of the same personality traits. They include: x Extreme creativity x Rigid Thinking x High Need for Approval x High Self-expectations x Perfectionistic Tendencies x High Achievement x Need to Remain in Control x Suppression of Negative Feelings x Ignores Body Messages Individually, and in moderation, these traits are not undesirable. However, collectively and taken to an extreme, there are evidenced in the person who suffers from anxiety disorders. Many times, reactions to childhood events carry over into adulthood and are found to be contributing (surface) causes to anxiety disorders. These include: x Anxious Role Models x Child Abuse x Overly Critical Parents x Rigid Family Rules x Emphasis on Appearance x Suppression or Denial of Feelings x Approval Based on Performance x Separation or Loss of a Significant Person. 88 How Anxiety Develops Anxiety develops through a series of steps that is repeated, reinforced and strengthened over time. The sequence generally follows this progression: 1. An episode provokes an unpleasant thought or sensation 2. There is no acceptable or logical explanation for the response 3. Worry over possible recurrence develops 4. This worry causes an increased focus on the thought or sensation 5. Increased attention caused increased reaction 6. This increased reaction strengthened the thought or sensation 7. Begins to experience magnified thought or sensation regularly 8. Each episode may add other physical or emotional manifestations 9. Go back to Step 1 It is not so much the reality of the situation that causes the anxiety reaction, but what the person thinks and believes about the situation that is the key to the cause of anxiety. For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: (Proverbs 23:7) Luke 6:45 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh. The main contributors to continuing anxiety in people has at it's root a lack of faith and lack of reliance on God's comfort. They are: x Needless worry over unidentifiable problems x Needless worry over identifiable problems x Over reliance on self to solve problems x Failure to fully deal with the problem of anxiety Thought Patterns that Lead to Anxiety x All or nothing thinking (Have to) x Over generalizing (I always, I never, labeling) x Magnifying\Minimizing (Little things big…big things little) x Personalizing (All things are my fault) x Assumptions (I know what others really mean) x Predictions (I know what will happen) x Dubious Authorities (Questionable Sources ) x Emotional Reasoning x Faulty Thinking 89 Biblical View of Anxiety The Bible speaks of anxiety in two ways: as healthy concern (Luke 14:28), or as fear and worry (Phil 4:6). Luke 14:28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Philip. 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. Note: The word "careful" is from the Greek word merimnao, (Strong’s 3309) merimnao, mer-im-nah'-o; from Greek 3308 (merimna); to be anxious about :- (be, have) care (-ful), take thought. There is nothing wrong with caution, planning, or common sense. There is nothing wrong with fearing that which should be feared. It is the anxious reaction to the vague or ill defined that we address. Also, we address the anxiety produced by a lack of faith. Consider the following verses and note the common things that people are anxious about: Psalm 39:6 Surely every man walketh in a vain shew: surely they are disquieted in vain: he heapeth up riches, and knoweth not who shall gather them. Psalm 127:2 It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Luke 10:41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: Eccles. 4:8 There is one alone, and there is not a second; yea, he hath neither child nor brother: yet is there no end of all his labour; neither is his eye satisfied with riches; neither saith he, For whom do I labour, and bereave my soul of good? This is also vanity, yea, it is a sore travail. Matthew 6:25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Matthew 6:27-28 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: Matthew 6:31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? Matthew 6:34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. 90 Psalm 31:9-15 Have mercy upon me, O Lord, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly. For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed. I was a reproach among all mine enemies, but especially among my neighbours, and a fear to mine acquaintance: they that did see me without fled from me. I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind: I am like a broken vessel. For I have heard the slander of many: fear was on every side: while they took counsel together against me, they devised to take away my life. But I trusted in thee, O Lord: I said, Thou art my God. My times are in thy hand: deliver me from the hand of mine enemies, and from them that persecute me. God tells us not to be anxious for the common things of life: Riches, long hours of labor, food, health, clothing, the future, persecution, even dwelling on our iniquities… and yet, these are the very things many people become anxious over. By repeatedly reinforcing their responses and fears, people magnify their concerns to the point of being overwhelmed by them. Once again, it is not the issue of life that causes problems; it is the reaction to it that causes problems. Counseling It is not enough to work at relieving the symptoms of anxiety. One must also confront the mistaken beliefs and habitual thinking that causes anxiety. Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Matthew 21:21 Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done. The key to overcoming anxiety is to change the way you think. Thoughts are really nothing more than short sentences you say to yourself. Since the sentences you say to yourself are wrong, it produces wrong feelings and reactions. Therefore, changing the wrong sentences to right sentences will change wrong reactions to right reactions. Proverbs 1:33 But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil. Isaiah 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. 91 Ten Behavior Patterns and Attitudes That Will Decrease Anxiety 1. Determine to obey God. God commands us not to be anxious. (Phil 4:6) 2. Pray (Phil 4:6) 3. Realize that God can keep our mind safe as we obey him (Phil 4:7) 4. Meditate on positive thoughts (Phil 4:8) (Psa.34:4;86:15; Prov.1:33; 3:25,26; Isa. 40:28-31) 5. Focus on Godly behavior (Phil 4:9) 6. Divert attention from self to others (Phil 4:10; 2:3,4) 7. Work on being content (Phil 4:11) 8. Realize that responsibility is yours and Christ's) in doing anything (Phil. 4:13) 9. Eliminate the fear of poverty (Phil 4:19) 10. Realize that the grace of God is with you (Phil 4:23; 2Cor. 9:8) Philip. 4:6-9 Identify the Steps Presented: Philip. 4:4- Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you. But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity. Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Notwithstanding ye have well done, that ye did communicate with my affliction. Now ye Philippians know also, that in the beginning of the gospel, when I departed from Macedonia, no church communicated with me as concerning giving and receiving, but ye only. For even in Thessalonica ye sent once and again unto my necessity. Not because I desire a gift: but I desire fruit that may abound to your account. But I have all, and abound: I am full, having received of Epaphroditus the things which were sent from you, an odour of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, wellpleasing to God. But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Now unto God and our Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen. Salute every saint in Christ Jesus. The brethren which are with me greet you. All the saints salute you, chiefly they that are of Caesar's household. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen. 92 DEPRESSION What is Depression? Depression is considered to be the number one emotional disorder. It is a condition marked by extended periods and feelings of dejection, rejection, or unmet expectations. This usually results in despondency, cessation of activity, hopelessness, and apathy. Mood swings are frequent and apathy prevalent. Nobody is immune. Symptoms of Depression Sad Appearance Negative Thoughts Physical Symptoms A poor "mask" Agitation Body Aches Dejected and Anger Headaches discouraged look Anxiety Lessened sex drive Tears Constant complaining Lethargy Unkempt appearance Helplessness Sleeplessness Hopelessness Weight Loss Self-Pity Suicide Worthlessness Preoccupation with Self Causes of Depression Depression is a coping method people use to deal with the pain of sin, guilt, rejection, or unfulfilled plans. It is not an illness that one is inflicted with or by. Depression serves three psychological purposes: 1) Prevents violent anger; 2) Justifies lack of performance; 3) Manipulates or involves others. Psychological: Upsetting circumstances in life. Rejection, dejection, unmet expectations can lead to depression. However, once again, the upsetting events are not really a cause of depression. The resulting depression is how one reacts to events and situations. 93 Spiritual: In the absence of pathology the cause of depression is un-Biblical responses to life's trials and traumas. They include: Anger, Fear, Guilt (True or False), Jealousy, Pity, Pride, and Unbelief. It is a failure in self-control and self-discipline. Physical Causes: Loss of limb or change in the body. However, this is a catalyst as opposed to a real cause. The resulting depression is how one reacts to a physical condition. Chemical: Diabetes, malfunctioning thyroid, chemical imbalances, reactions to drugs or alcohol. Note: All people are sad, disappointed, perplexed, down-in-the-dumps, or grieve at one time or another. It is when these feelings linger for an extended period of time and normal functioning is severely impaired or impossible that it becomes a problem. Depression occurs when we allow negative feelings to overwhelm us and control our actions. In other words, when we fail to handle these emotions and events God's way. Biblical Verses Describing Depression Genesis 4:5 But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell. Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. (See Psalm 15:13) Proverbs 18:14 The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear? Psalm 42:11 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? Psalm 38:4 For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as an heavy burden they are too heavy for me. Psalm 119:28 My soul melteth for heaviness: strengthen thou me according unto thy word. Ephes. 3:13 Wherefore I desire that ye faint not at my tribulations for you, which is your glory. Hebrews 12:3 For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. Biblical Terms for Depression Bowed Down Psa. 38:6 Broken hearted Psa. 147:3 Broken Spirit Prov. 17:22 Burdened by Sin Psa. 38:4 Despair Psa. 42:11 Fallen Countenance Gen 4:7 Grief Psa. 119:28 Faint Eph. 3:13 Mourning Psa. 38:6 Sorrow Prov. 15:13 94 Examples: Asaph Unknown Psalm 77 Cain Disobedience Gen. 4: David Sin\Guilt Psalm 38 Nehemiah Unfulfilled Plans Neh. 2:1-5 Elijah Fear\Unbelief 1 Kings 19:1-4 Job Pity Job 3: Jonah Anger Jonah 4:1-11 Judas Guilt\Wrong Response Matt:27 Moses Frustration Num. 11:10-15 Peter Pride\Conviction Matt. 26: Saul Jealousy 1 Sam. 18 Counseling 1. There is a normal feeling of sadness that must run its course. 2. Depression, rooted in pride often leads to death because the person believes there is no hope. 3. Depression rooted in self-pity often conceals a resentful or unforgiving person, angry with God and others. 4. Depression rooted in guilt can often lead to suicide. 5. Depression can result for either active or passive sin. 6. Depression is caused from following feelings rather than obeying God and doing what is right. Many times, because of feelings of insecurity and worthlessness, a person will focus on Bible verses that seem to judge and condemn. What to Do Do not put removal of Depression as your goal…rather make your goal the desire to please God. Help the client: 1. Identify the real problem and not the symptom 2. Identify the real cause 3. Identify when the problem started 4. Identify un-Biblical thoughts, words, or actions 5. Refuse to withdraw into isolation 6. Behave Biblically in spite of feelings 7. Reflect on the events and see them from God's perspective 8. Pray and Praise God. 9. Avoid self-pity and complaining. 10. Understand your Hope and Standing in Christ 11. Do daily tasks with renewed concentration 12. Work out a specific plan to deal with the problems 95 Make sure you: 1. Listen carefully for key words that may suggest Depression as opposed to feelings of sorrow or loss. 2. Do not minimize the influence and impact of depression that a person id feeling. 3. Avoid shallow statements such as, "Things will be fine" or "Cheer up". 4. Demonstrate empathy and understanding. 5. Help identify the problem and when the problem started. 6. Remember that depression affects all aspects of one's life; work, relationships, self-image. 7. Assure the person that there is Hope and that God cares. 8. Apply the right verses to the right type of depression (such as Guilt, Fear, Anger, etc…) 9. Remember that the Bible is full of Godly men who succumbed to depression. Avoid being judgmental. 10. Identify the thought patterns producing the depression. Scriptures for Defeating Depression Genesis 4: 5-7 But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell. And the Lord said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen? If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him. Psalm 77:1-15 To the chief Musician, to Jeduthun, A Psalm of Asaph. I cried unto God with my voice, even unto God with my voice; and he gave ear unto me. In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah. Thou holdest mine eyes waking: I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times. I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search. Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favourable no more? Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth his promise fail for evermore? Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah. And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. I will remember the works of the Lord: surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings. Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary: who is so great a God as our God? Thou art the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people. Thou hast with thine arm redeemed thy people, the sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah. Psalm 42:11 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God. 96 2 Cor. 4:8-9 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; 2 Cor. 4:16-18 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. Romans 8:28 Ad we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? John 14:14-19 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also. Depression is not a modern disease. It is as old as recorded history. In the first book of the Bible, depression is mentioned and in the first book of the Bible, the cure is given. If thou doest well….. The Bible is full of examples that are given to give hope, peace, and comfort to those who are in need. 1. Fear and rejection leading to severe depression 1 Ki: 19:2-4 Then Jezebel sent a messenger unto Elijah, saying, So let the gods do to me, and more also, if I make not thy life as the life of one of them by to morrow about this time. And when he saw that, he arose, and went for his life, and came to Beer-sheba, which belongeth to Judah, and left his servant there. But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers. 1 Kings 19:8-10 And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights unto Horeb the mount of God. And he came thither unto a cave, and lodged there; and, behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and he said unto him, What doest thou here, Elijah? And he said, I have been very jealous for the Lord God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away. 97 Elijah Denied the Reality of the Situation He responds in fear to Jezebel’s 1 Ki. 19:Then Jezebel sent a messenger unto Elijah, message and leaves the place saying, So let the gods do to me, and more also, if I that God had placed him. make not thy life as the life of one of them by to morrow about this time. And when he saw that, he arose, and went for his life, and came to Beer-sheba, which belongeth to Judah, He leaves the person God 1 Ki. 19:3 And when he saw that, he arose, and went placed with him for his life, and came to Beer-sheba, which belongeth to Judah, and left his servant there. He goes off by himself 1 Ki. 19:4 But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: He dwells on negative self- 1 Ki. 19:4 and came and sat down under a juniper defeating thought tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers. Focuses on an untruth (denial of 1 Ki. 19:10 And he said, I have been very jealous for reality) to justify his behavior the Lord God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away. God answered every other prayer of Elijah’s, but not this one. x Elijah focused on the difficulty of the circumstance and not on God’s sovereign power and might. x He let his emotions decide the seriousness of the situation instead of letting God work his will. x His eyes and emotions gave him a false understanding of the problem. x He looked at the problem through fear, not faith. x He looked at the problem from his own perspective. x He then left the place that God had placed him. x He then left the person God had placed him with. x He then sat and dwelt on negative, self-defeating thought. It is no wonder that Elijah ended up alone, feeling unworthy, and with suicidal thoughts. Again, he was not depressed and therefore acted inappropriately. Instead, he acted inappropriately and ended up feeling depressed. By focusing on the problem, on the self, and choosing to behave inappropriately, one’s perception of worth, value, and purpose are severely distorted and damaged, and people respond by walking after the flesh, instead of after the Spirit (Rom. 8:1-13). 98 The Solution God ministers to his physical 1 Ki: 19:5 And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, needs behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat. Notice Elijah's response 1 Ki: 19:6 And he looked, and, behold, there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again. Ministers to physical needs and 1 Ki: 19:7 And the angel of the Lord came again the gives a task second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee. God sends him to a place 1 Ki: 19:8 And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went where he can hear the Word in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights unto Horeb the mount of God. God confronts Elijah by 1 Ki: 19:9-10 And he came thither unto a cave, and questioning his motives and lodged there; and, behold, the word of the Lord came to understanding. him, and he said unto him, What doest thou here, Elijah? And he said, I have been very jealous for the Lord Note Elijah's attitude. God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away. God addresses his 1 Ki: 19:11-12 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the understanding -not miracles but mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed Himself by…not strong wind…not earthquake…not fire…but a still small voice. God again confronts Elijah by 1 Ki: 19:13-14 And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that questioning his motives and he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and understanding. stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Note Elijah's attitude has not Elijah? And he said, I have been very jealous for the changed. Lord God of hosts: because the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away. God strengthens him by 1 Ki: 19:15-16 And the Lord said unto him, Go, return on assigning a task (purpose thy way to the wilderness of Damascus: and when thou restored) comest, anoint Hazael……anoint Jehu…anoint Elisha… God corrects his faulty thinking 1 Ki: 19:18 Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him. 99 The Reality According to God When counseling, we can apply the same principles for healing and restoration with our clients that God did with Elijah. Notice the steps: x God corrected his faulty thinking: Elijah wasn’t alone, God was with him x He was not alone: There were many others who stood for God x Knowing the truth is a powerful remedy for depression: God’s power was ready to enter the picture and restore Elijah by demonstrating truth x Doing the things that we are supposed to do relieves depression.God’s remedy was to show truth and restore purpose. As God helped Elijah, he will help you. Your job as a counselor will be to help the client identify the faulty thought, the wrong thinking process, and determine which behavior should be started to help him be restored to a right relationship and a right position with God and man. 2. Rejection based on pride leading to depression Let’s look at one of the first recorded episodes of depression in the Bible in greater detail. The key verse is Genesis 4:5 But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell. Genesis 4:2-7 And she again bare his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground. And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the Lord. And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the Lord had respect unto Abel and to his offering: But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell. And the Lord said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen? If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him. The first thing we note is that Cain was the older brother and Abel was the younger. (Some commentators have stated that Cain and Abel were twins; whether this is so or not is a moot point in regard to this incident. ) Next we see that both Cain and Abel are workers and that both worship God. However, there is a slight difference. Cain brings an offering of the ground, something he had grown, while Abel brings a live offering. The verse says that God “had not respect” for the offering Cain brought. Why, because the Cain’s offering was the product of a cursed ground (Gen. 3:17) and therefore not an offering worthy to be brought to the Lord. Many would say that Cain’s depression was because of his being rejected by God. However, it was his disobedience that caused his rejection, which led to depression. First he was 100 angry, and then he was depressed…his countenance fell. People today react the same way when they do not receive something they value, or produce, or expect. When our response is negative and self-defeating, it is called depression. However, in this same passage, the answer for depression is also given: If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? God told Cain that if he does well, or do what is required, he will be accepted. There are two interesting points that are worthy of focus in this passage. The first is that Cain did not do well because he was depressed; he was depressed because he did not do well. The second point to note is that the remedy is to “do well”, or change your behavior. God had obviously given instruction about what kind of offering was acceptable to him, but Cain chose to disobey and substituted his own offering according to his own set of principles and\or expectations. When this was rejected, Cain responded negatively. He responded with anger, then depression, and finally committed murder. Remember: A thought leads to an emotion and then to an action. Since the thoughts were negative, the emotional response inappropriate, the final behavior was wrong.) Cain responded out of pride – an incorrect response. The correct response would have been to acknowledge the transgression and then correct the behaviors…do well the next time. Then he will be accepted. So, we see that the depression was the result of pride or rebellion, or disobedience…all of which are the same thing…and that the behavior followed the wrong action, not preceded it, and that it was chosen behavior. 3. Failing to perform leading to depression Neh. 2:1-5 (KJV) And it came to pass in the month Nisan, in the twentieth year of Artaxerxes the king, that wine was before him: and I took up the wine, and gave it unto the king. Now I had not been beforetime sad in his presence. Wherefore the king said unto me, Why is thy countenance sad, seeing thou art not sick? this is nothing else but sorrow of heart. Then I was very sore afraid, And said unto the king, Let the king live for ever: why should not my countenance be sad, when the city, the place of my fathers' sepulchres, lieth waste, and the gates thereof are consumed with fire? Then the king said unto me, For what dost thou make request? So I prayed to the God of heaven. And I said unto the king, If it please the king, and if thy servant have found favour in thy sight, that thou wouldest send me unto Judah, unto the city of my fathers' sepulchres, that I may build it. Note three significant points 1. The scripture says Nehemiah was not sick – it was just sorrow of heart 2. This was caused by his thinking of something he wanted to do but had not done 3. The King immediately knew that Nehemiah wanted something from him. 101 As noted earlier, there are actually two phases of depression. The first is the mental\emotional (cognitive\affective stage) is which there is a triggering event, or series of events, that provokes a thought, which in turn produces an emotion. The second phase is the chosen behavior one exhibits that demonstrates the emotional response. Just because a person is depressed does not mean that the person can not do something. It means that the person will not do something. Remember, it is not the event which causes depression, it is how one responds to the event that can lead to depression. In the Bible, there are several characters that exhibited depressive behavior (see Table 2). Studying the events the characters were faced with and their inappropriate responses that led to their depression will provide invaluable insight to the counselor. Cycles It has been noted that sometimes depression occurs in cycles. So what causes cycles of depression? One major cause is negative thoughts or emotions that we have attached to a portion of a cycle. For example, a lady may get up depressed each Sunday morning. Why? Sunday is the day that the kids want to sleep late, but the day she also wants them to get up and go to Sunday school. The conflict each Sunday morning with the kids turned into a cycle of depression. Here is another situation. A man gets depressed around Christmas time each year. Why? He had a major conflict with his father over his decision to go into the military some twenty years ago. The conflict occurred at Christmas. Now each Christmas the young man experiences a depression episode. Another illustration is of a thirty-five year old woman who suddenly falls into a state of depression. She has a son who has just turned eighteen years old. What is the source of the woman's sudden depression? When she was in college, an eighteen year old young man whom she was dating forced her into her first sexual experience. She hated the experience and broke up with the young man. She experienced episodes of depression for months after that before they faded away. Now her son's eighteenth birthday has triggered the painful memories. In each of the above scenarios\cases, it is important to realize that the negative emotion attached to each event has its root a behavior that is inappropriate or incorrect that leads to a thought and then an emotion. The woman who does not want to exercise authority over her children, the man who remembers his rebellion towards his father; or a woman remembers a sexual indiscretion – each of these has as a trigger an area of life where there was a failure to keep a standard. 102 People who exhibit depressive behavior are often overwhelmed, passive, non-verbal, unmotivated, and pessimistic. In a word, hope has left them. They have lost their sense of worth and their sense of purpose. Counseling should focus on the restoration of these two attitudes 1. Sometimes we need to look for causes. David declared, "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? Why art thou disquieted in me?" (Psa. 42:5a). 1. It is good to record the depression episodes and plot them. a. When did you first notice that you were having depression? b. When do the cycles occur? c. How long do they last? 2. It is important to look at the setting of the occurrence. a. Where are you when they occur. b. What people are present? c. Were you in a dark room? 3. Take an emotional inventory. a. Are emotional hurts connected to the depression? b. Is anger or bitterness connected? c. Is jealousy connected? d. Is dread connected? e. Is guilt connected? 4. Take a mental inventory. a. Were there specific negative thoughts associated to depression? b. What were you thinking just prior to the depression? 5. Take a physical inventory. a. Were you overly exhausted at the time of the depression? b. Did you eat some sweets prior (1/2 day / day ) to the depression? c. Did you take antidepressants the day before the depression? d. Do you fail to get the proper exercise at times? 6. Take a spiritual inventory. a. Have you neglected spiritual care (prayer, church, Bible study)? b. Have you fallen into a sin habit? 7. Ask God to search your heart and reveal the cause for the depression. 2. Sometimes we just don't know why we are depressed and we need for God to show us. "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my (disquieting) thoughts: And see if there be a wicked way (literally = painful way) in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (Psalm 139:23-24). David simply asked God to look inside and show him the source of inner conflicts and the source of emotional hurts that would cause depression. Then he asks God to show him the way out. 103 Remember, He will not leave you comfortless. John 14:16-18 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. Philip. 4:4-13 Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all nderstanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you. But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity. Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. 104 A few thoughts to share with you… I have often been asked about the causes of depression. Of course depression is not a new problem, we find the first mention of depression in the Bible in the book of Genesis. And we will discuss the biblical viewpoint of depression a little later. The question I want to answer right now is, “Does a chemical imbalance in the brain caused depression or just choosing to think inappropriate depressing thoughts cause a chemical imbalance?” First, it is important to understand that our mind does not know real or reality from simple thoughts. For example I can wake up from a nightmare with my heart pumping rapidly, my hands clammy with sweat, and breathing heavily, yet nothing "real" or nothing experienced by others happened. I only thought scary thoughts but certainly my brain chemistry now that I'm awake and afraid is no longer the same as when I was sleeping peacefully. My chemical makeup while running is not the same as when I'm sitting in watching television. My chemical makeup is not the same when I'm entertaining depressing thoughts, anxiety provoking thoughts, angry thoughts, etc., as when I concentrate on things that are noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy. Since brain activity is the interplay, stated simply of course, of electricity and chemicals, certain thoughts by very definition produce certain chemicals and other thoughts produce other chemicals. It is therefore not surprising that a person who has a tendency to focus on negative self- defeating thoughts seems to have too much, and imbalance if you will, of the type of chemicals that indicate or accompany depression. After an extended period of time of focusing on negative, self-defeating thoughts, this imbalance becomes so prominent, and so routine, that the person finds himself severely depressed. It is as if this imbalance begins to take control, fueled by the constant negative and self-defeating thoughts that the depressive state is maintained. This is why some people can wake up in a full-blown panic attack, experience the physical trauma associated with depression, or find recovering difficult. These people are always on the edge and sometimes even the simplest event can trigger a depressive episode. I believe the evidence shows that after two months in comparative trials cognitive\behavioral therapy outpaces chemical therapy. Chemical therapy is sometimes administered at the beginning of recovery to assist the person in feeling better and enabling them to begin the process of changing the thoughts and behaviors. Dr. William Glasser in his book Choice Theory (page 86 and 87) says, "When Todd chose to depress, for one or more of the three reasons I explained, he chose a total behavior for which depressing is the normal feeling component. Whatever brain chemistry is associated with that feeling is also normal. The brain chemistry no more causes his depressing then sweating causes running. It is the choice to depress or to run that results in both. When the neurophysiologists show that the does brain activity of a depressing person is different from that of a happy person or from the same person when he or she is happy, they should expect what they find." Dr. Glasser goes on to state, "Research that shows that drugs, such as Prozac, reduce the depressing activity in the brain also should be expected. The depressing lowers the brain chemical serotonin; Prozac raises it. A lower level of serotonin is the normal physiology when we choose to depress, and raising the level helps many people who choose to depress feel better. Alcohol, nicotine, and other addicting drugs also help most people feel better because each in its own chemical way in Jack's pleasure directly into the brain. Prozac does the same. And if it gives the user, who has a chronic unsatisfying relationship, a lot of pleasure, it can also be addicting. 105 ADDICTION What is an Addiction? Addiction is a compulsive or physical dependence upon a substance, person, or behavior that produces a temporary feeling of pleasure. However, the long-term destructive effects of an addiction normally tend to outweigh the temporary effects. A behavior is considered addictive when one knowingly does something that is harmful or not in one’s best interest. Addictions are progressive conditions that exert more and more control over the individual. Control is usually both psychological and physical. Although the addict may admit that the condition is harmful, quitting may be difficult or impossible. Addictions are sins. Note the word “unrighteous”. 1 Cor. 6:9-12 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. There is a remedy for sin (unrighteousness). 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. People who confess their sins, and are forgiven are no longer “unrighteous”. 1 Cor. 6:11 …And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. People have a choice. 1 Cor. 6:12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. Substance abuse has brought people “under the power” of the substance. This uncontrolled lifestyle is called unrighteous. 106 The Bible calls addictive behavior to be the direct result of willful sin. Galatians 5:19-21 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; …drunkenness Note the words of Jesus… John 8:34 Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin. Addictions are the result of willful, chosen behavior that the Bible calls unrighteousness. Counseling must reflect this proper understanding. Addicts generally have problems which are the result of violating scriptures, and then turn to a substance, which is a false comforter to make them feel better or to cover up their problems. There are three false beliefs (lies), which contradict the scriptures, that contribute heavily to addiction. They are: 1. I cannot tolerate suffering (Discomfort anxiety). 2. I must feel better immediately (Low frustration Tolerance). 3. I choose immediate pleasure over long-range consequences (Short Range Hedonism). List of Common Addictions Church Games Work Occult Drugs Gambling Shopping Television Exercise Food Money Sex Hypochondria Pleasure Power Thrills Perfectionism Music Religion Drugs Work Nicotine Anything not Controlled Understanding Addictions Addictions are deceitful, progressive, and deadly. James 1:15 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. Mark 4:19 And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful. Hebrews 3:13 But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. 107 Warning Signs x Deterioration of family and work relationships x Withdrawal from family activities x Change in daily activities x Negative personality changes x Listlessness, depression, nervousness x Changes in sleep patterns x Legal and moral problems x Unrealistic compulsive behaviors The Stages of Addiction Scripturally Tempted…drawn away….enticed…conceived…sin…finished…death 1. Tempted: thought of evil (James 1:14) 2. Drawn away: strong imagination (James 1:14) 3. Lust: delight in viewing it (James 1:14) 4. Enticed: weakening of the will (James 1:14) 5. Lust conceived: yielding (James 1:15) 6. Sin: sinful act committed (James 1:15) 7. Death: result of actual sin (James 1:15) Behaviorally Lust…behavior…habit … addiction The Effects of Addiction Deceitful - Cause a change in the person that he may not be aware of until it is too late. (Denial) "I can quit anytime" "I can handle it" Addictions cause a change of attitude, values, and beliefs in self. This leads to a change of behavior. This change in self causes a change in other people as they react to the change in self. 108 Progressive - The need becomes stronger and stronger and the behavior becomes more ingrained. The behavior becomes a reaction rather than an action. More and more time is spent "doing" this. x Reach the end of what is natural x Begin to explore what is not natural x Not satisfied with self…seeks to include others x Move past what is natural is broken and perversion results x Leads to watching, self-infliction, including others x Now enters the realm of "perverse" Deadly - The body is now doing things it was not designed to do and\or is neglecting the other things that the body needs to maintain a healthy balance. Things that are addicting cause, directly or indirectly, physical destruction and\or death. Addictions not viewed as sin are unconfessed sin. Unconfessed sin separates you from God. The Cycle of Addiction x Longing (Emotional Emptiness or unmet need) x Low self-esteem (Emotional pain) – Search for a pain reliever x Addictive Agent x Consequences x Guilt and Shame x Self justification x Delusions x Self hatred x Over indulgence x Guilt and shame – strengthens longing The Bible and Addiction Principle: Do not get drunk - Be filled with the Spirit Ephes. 5:17-20 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; 109 2 Cor. 3:4-5 And such trust have we through Christ to God-ward: Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God; Do not be mastered by anything 1 Cor. 6:12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. Obey the laws Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. Keep the body pure 1 Cor. 3:16-17 Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are. Understand that true satisfaction comes from God Psalm 107:9 For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness. Practice moderation and self discipline (self-control) Philip. 4:5 Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Col. 3:5 Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: Breaking the Cycle of Addiction Philip. 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Because addiction is far more than just a dependency on an addictive agent, healing requires a multi-directional approach. x Find a way to interrupt the cycle x Identify the longing (unmet need) x Raise self-esteem x Heal emotional pain x Forsake addictive agent 110 To accomplish this, one must: x Confess the addiction as sin x Forgive past hurts and failed relationships x Repair present relationships x Evaluate standing in Christ x We must acknowledge that we have an addiction x We must desire to be free from the addiction x We must be willing to turn from the addiction x We must see that God is the real goal. x We must be willing to lay our addiction before God. x We must wait upon God to fulfill our needs. 111 Twelve Step Program A program which has gained much attention and is currently much used is the 12 Step Program. This program, developed for alcoholics, based upon Biblical principles has been expanded for use with all forms of addictions. 1. We admit we are powerless over our dependencies and that our lives have become unmanageable. Romans 7:17 "I know nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good but I cannot carry it out." 2. We came to believe that God could restore us to sanity. 2 Tim. 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths." 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Matthew 7:3-5 Jesus said ,"Why worry about a speck in the eye of a brother when you have a board in your own? First get rid of the board then you can see clearly enough to help your brother." 5. We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins one to another and pray for each other that you may be healed." 6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. 7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings. 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins, and purify us from all unrighteousness." 8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Luke 6:31 "And as you would like and desire that others would do to you, do so to them." 9. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Matthew 5:23-24 "If you are offering your gift at the altar and suddenly remember a friend has something against you, go and be reconciled to that person." 10. We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. 1 Corinthians 10:12 "f you think you are standing firm, be careful you don't fall." 11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as revealed through the person of Jesus Christ, praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 12. Having had a Spiritual Awakening as a result of these steps, which is the revelation of Jesus Christ, we try to carry this message to others and to practice these Biblical principles in all our affairs. Galatians 6:1 "Brothers, if someone is overtaken by sin, you who are spiritual should restore him. But be careful, or you also may be tempted." 112 FORGIVENESS What is Forgiveness? Forgiveness involves our correct response to God concerning the offenses of others. Forgiveness is the canceling of the debt owed to us by another. Biblical principles of forgiveness. 1. Forgiveness involves 5 steps: x Examine yourself for pride and wrongdoing x Forgive completely x Do not bring it up again to the offender x Do not tell others x Remember how many times God has forgiven us 2. Forgiveness has a positive attitude toward the offenses rather than a negative attitude toward the offender. 3. Forgiveness is a command (One of two sins that will not be forgiven) Matthew 6:14-15 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 18:34-35 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses. 4. Forgiveness does not keep a count. Matthew 18:21-22 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. 5. Forgiveness views the offender as a instrument of God in my life. Genesis 45:5 Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life. 113 James 1:2-4, 12 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. 6. Forgiveness relinquishes the right to “pay back” or “get even” and turns it over to God. Romans 12:17-20 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. 2 Thes. 1:6 Seeing it is a righteous thing with God to recompense tribulation to them that trouble you; 7. Forgiveness is not simply forgetting. There is a correct and proper way to deal with a problem. Matthew 18:15-17 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. 8. Forgiveness does not require forgetting Forgiveness requires that the offense never be mentioned again. It is through our experiences that we gain wisdom and insight. a. Forgetting instead of forgiving trying to forget the past is emotionally unhealthy. This is denial, suppression, or repression. b. Forgetting instead of forgiving forgetting is contrary to the scriptures and may be an indication of self-worthlessness or a lack of faith. c. Forgetting instead of forgiving forgetting does not allow the offender to experience the joy of forgiveness and the chance to examine his heart and behavior to be free from his guilt. 9. Forgiveness is a choice, an act of your will. a. It is not self-sacrifice; it is a requirement. b. Forgiveness is immediate; the process of healing takes time. c. Forgiveness is not always reconciliation; that is up to the other person, as well. One should, however, seek reconciliation. (Matt. 5:23-24) d. Forgiveness extends kindness, but also allows one to learn and exercise wisdom in the future. 114 Biblical Examples of Forgiveness 1. Esau forgives Jacob. Genesis 33:4; Genesis 33:11 2. Joseph, his brethren. Gen. 45:5-15; Gen. 50:19-21 3. Moses, the Israelites. Numbers 12:1-13 4. David forgives Saul. 1 Samuel 24:10-12; 1 Sam. 26:9; 1 Samuel 26:23; David forgives Shimei. 2 Sam. 16:9-13; 2 Sam. 19:23; 5. Solomon forgives Adonijah. 1 Kings 1:53 6. The prophet of Judah forgives Jeroboam. 1 Kings 13:3-6 7. Jesus forgives his enemies. Luke 23:34 The following chart can be used as a counseling tool to help examine a person’s attitude. Natural Inclinations that lead Principles of Truth lead to unforgiveness to forgiveness Concluding that those who hurt me are acting only by Discerning that because I belong to God nothing can their own will, choice, decision, motivation, initiative, or touch my life unless He first authorizes it--knowing it will authority. be for my ultimate benefit. Assuming that I have forgiven someone because I no Knowing that unforgiveness may be producing long- longer have feelings of hurt. lasting effects even after the feelings of hurt have subsided. Believing that forgiveness has occurred because a Understanding that true forgiveness must involve choice was made not to hold the offender accountable beginning to discern God's basic purposes for why He any longer. allowed an offense to be committed. Thinking that forgiveness involves forgetting. Knowing that man does not usually have the ability to forget, but forgiveness involves learning to have the right kind of remembering. Believing I have the right to hold every person Knowing that only God will hold a person fully accountable to me for what he has done to me. accountable for every word, thought, and deed. Thinking that forgiveness involves going to a person and A forgiving attitude before God must be established telling him I forgive him. whether the offender repents or not, but forgiveness toward the offender may only be granted when the offender repents. Believing that by getting hurt when someone violates my Wisdom is realizing that maintaining hurt feelings is rights I will teach him a lesson so that he won't do it God's alarm system that I have not responded rightly to again. the situation and don't have God's perspective. 115 Consequences of Unforgiveness 1. Physical Consequences ORGANIC PROBLEMS - Ulcerative colitis, toxic goiters, high blood pressure, anxiety attacks, and headaches are only a few of the scores of physical problems caused by wrong responses to offenses. Our resentments call forth certain hormones from the pituitary, adrenal, thyroid and other glands. Excesses of these hormones can cause breakdowns in any part of the body. (See None of These Diseases, S. I. McMillen, Spire Books, 1968, pp. 69-72.) SLEEP PROBLEMS – For some people it acts as a sedative. They are always tired and fatigued. For others they cannot sleep. With sleep deprivation symptoms may occur including extreme irritability, paranoia, hallucinations, and bizarre behavior. FACIAL REFLECTIONS - We may try to hide our resentments, but soon they will also be etched into our eyes and facial muscles as permanent reflections of our inward feelings. BONE HEALTH - The life of the flesh is in the blood. (Leviticus 17:11) But the "factory" for the blood is the marrow of our bones. The health of our bones, therefore, determines the health of our body. Bitterness has a direct and devastating effect upon our bones. "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22 2. Spiritual Consequences An inability to love God is the immediate result of resenting another person. I John 4:20,21 "If a man say, I love God, and hates his brother, he is a liar: for he that loves not his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment have we from him, that he who loves God love his brother also." Doubts regarding our relationship with God commonly accompany resentment. This is quite natural since most of us have at some time repeated the Lord's prayer in which we pray, Matthew 6:12 "Forgive us our trespasses as (in the same way) we forgive those who trespass against us." Major hindrances to the spiritual development of others may result when we refuse to forgive--especially if we claim to be in a right fellowship with God. Our attitudes of resentment will repel them from whatever it is that we are trying to convince them of. 116 3. Emotional Consequences Depression and anxiety are two of the most significant consequences of refusing to forgive the people who wrong us. Refusing to obey God brings His hand of discipline upon His children. 4. Mental Consequences Reasoning ability, concentration, and memory are all effected by maintaining hurt feelings. Six Reasoning Conditions for Forgiveness There are several conditions under which a person will forgive another. However, only one of them is Biblical and therefore complete. Revengeful Forgiveness: “I can forgive someone who wrongs me only if I can punish him\her to a similar degree.” Restitutional or Compensational Forgiveness: “If I get back what was taken away from me, then I can forgive.” Guilt Based Forgiveness: “If I start feeling guilty about withholding forgiveness, then I can forgive to relieve my shame.” Expectational Forgiveness: I forgive him because everybody else said to give him another chance.” Lawful Expectational Forgiveness: “I forgive because my religion demands it.” Forgiveness as Social Harnmony: “I will forgive because it restores harmony. The fighting is just not worth it. “ Forgiveness Forgiveness decreases friction and outright conflict. The correct reasoning condition… Forgiveness as Love: “I forgive unconditionally because it promotes a true sense of love. Because I truly care for each person, a hurtful act on his\her part does not alter that sense of love. This type of forgiveness recognizes the bigger picture of a relationship and its investment value. This kind of forgiveness keeps open the possibility of reconciliation and closes the door on revenge and legalism. The forgiver is neither controlled nor tries to control because of the offense. 117 What Forgiveness is Not Philosophers’ Distinctions Between Forgiveness and Related Concepts x Pardon, legal mercy, leniency (a merciful judge is not the one hurt) x Condoning and excusing (putting up with an offense or letting it go) x Reconciliation (two people. coming together again) x Conciliation (to appease, placate an offender) x Justification (believing what the person did was fair) x Forgetting (ceasing to remember the offense, possibly leaving one vulnerable to the offense again) x Becoming disappointed (one can be disappointed without being unjustly treated by another) x Balancing scales (getting back something in kind, punishing the offender) x Self-centering (forgiving only for one’s own benefit, focusing on self, and not the offender) Reductionistic Thinking That May Be Accurate but Incomplete x Letting time heal the wound (passive rather than active) x Abandoning resentment (one can abandon resentment but have a cool, detached attitude toward the offender) x Possessing positive feelings (one can have positive feelings toward people who have not been unfair) x Saying “I forgive you” (one can forgive without using specific words) x Making a decision to forgive (decisions to forgive are part of but not all that is encompassed in the definition: i.e., one who decides to go to college does not receive a degree until work is accomplished) Common Colloquialisms Confused With Forgiveness x “Forgiveness is a quick fix” (forgiveness can be a struggle that takes time) x “I’ve accepted what happened” (one can accept an event while rejecting a person involved in the event) x “I accept what happened knowing that God will punish him or her” (this could be cloaked revenge) x “I have moved on” (One can “move on” while rejecting a person) x “I have the satisfaction of not letting the person get to me” (this may be cloaked revenge) x “I like to let the person know how much he or she owes me” (this may be a form of cloaked revenge) 118 Steps in developing a spirit of forgiveness. A. Ask God to forgive you for your lack of forgiveness. B. List those who have hurt or deeply offended you and the offenses they have committed. List each specific offense. (The only motivation for doing this is to clarify the offense for the sake of forgiveness. This is not a time to blame or imply guilt toward the other person.) C. Consciously and deliberately forgive this person before God. Take each offense individually. More offenses will usually be remembered and occur at a future time. Take each of these as they are remembered or occur and follow these same guidelines. D. By faith, thank God for the benefit He plans for each offense. Realize that you are not thanking God for the offenses, but for His good and overriding purposes in allowing them to take place. E. List some specific ways you can do good to your offender: Here are just a few of the hundreds of possibilities: Pray for him, Be friendly toward him, Praise his positive qualities, Defend him to others, Express appreciation to him, Remove any pressure from him. Attributes of Forgiveness 1. Forgiveness is progressive, not immediate 2. Understanding forgiveness aids in extending forgiveness 3. Forgiveness is not always constant or stable 4. There are levels of forgiveness 5. Forgiveness is developmental as understanding increases 6. Forgiveness focuses on people, not things 7. Forgiveness is based upon objective wrong 8. Forgiveness may be based upon several factors 9. The expression of forgiveness can vary 10. Who is the offender and who is offended may often be unclear 11. How forgiveness is offered and received is based upon perception of both parties Areas of Concern: 1. The natural inclinations can block forgiveness 2. Forgiveness must be a voluntary choice – Outside pressure can hinder 3. The offenders attitude can hinder forgiveness and can cause a relapse 4. Some offenders will use forgiveness as a manipulation 5. Other significant people may oppose the idea of forgiveness People often misunderstand what forgiveness is and is not Forgiveness is initially expressed by chosen behavior contrary to existing thoughts and feelings. 119 Relationships Biblical Principles 1. The foundation of relationships is built upon the concept of Love. Legalism will never fulfill what Love will fulfill. Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. 2. If you do not love others, you do not love god. 1 John 4:20-21 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also. 3. If you do not forgive others, God will not forgive you Matthew 6:14-15 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. 4. God's Word tells us what our attitude toward others is supposed to be. Eph. 4:32, Col 3:13. Ephes. 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. 5. Our obedience to His commandments show our love for Him. 1 John 5:3-4 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous. For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. 6. Do not judge others by your own standards, but judge according to Biblical principles. As you judge, that is how you will be judged. John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment. 120 Matthew 7:1-2 Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. Luke 6:37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: 7. Reconcile yourself with others before offering prayers to God. Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. 8. Do not have an attitude of superiority. 1 Cor. 12:22-27 Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary: And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness. For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body

Anger: Understanding and Managing Anger PDF

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