Understanding Personal Relationships

• The slides cover personal relationships, the science of love, and different types of love.
• Objectives include explaining the components of personal relationships, drawing pictures of each component, and reflecting on the nature of these relationships.

Introduction

• Pre-historic humans interacted by smiling, greeting, showing love and affection, and hunting food together, which was all for survival within their groups.
• Being part of a group was primarily for survival.

Personal Relationship

• Refers to connections and associations formed by emotional bonds between people.
• Teenagers commonly form relationships with family, friends, and a significant other.

Family Relationships

• Defined as "two or more persons who are related by birth, marriage, or adoption, and who live together as one household."
• Family includes parents, siblings, and relatives like grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Friendships

• Friendships are chosen interactions with people who are not related to you but are someone you trust, respect, care about, confide in, and want to spend time with.
• A Friendship is a reciprocal relationship where both people consider each other as friends.

Romantic Relationships

• Comes from feeling very strongly attracted to their personality and often physically.
• A romantic relationship exits between a boyfriend and girlfriend (in a heterosexual relationship) or in a homosexual relationship or spouses or life partners.
• Involves a strong connection and bond that is unique from any other relationships.
• Built on love, trust, respect, support, acceptance, shared interests, and potentially marriage.

Exercise 3: Reflection Questions

• What kind of relationship do you have in your family, friends, or partner?
• What is your role in the relationship?
• Are you satisfied with the current status of your relationship?
• Do you believe that your relationship can be improved?
• What ways can you help improve your relationship with them?

Biological Model of Love

• Love can start with lust, addiction, and attachment
• Each feeling involves different neurochemicals in the brain.
• Helen Fisher proposed lust, attraction, and attachment are 3 possible ways to start love.

Three Brain Systems of Love/Stages of Falling in Love

• Lust
• Attraction
• Attachment

Lust

• Defined as intense sexual gratification towards another person and is an integral part of love.
• Signs of lust include being focused on their body and looks, being interested in sex but not deep conversations, not wanting to discuss real feelings, and not wanting to spend quality time together. Testosterone and Estrogen

Attraction

• Attraction is described as being in the "love-struck" phase which may lead to losing sleep and appetite, and excited daydreams.
• It is part of lust because it involves focusing attention to a person or desire.
• Attraction is associated with feelings of excitement, wanting emotional connection, and intrusive thinking.
• Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Seratonin

Attachment

• It is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space, and results in exchanged commitments
• Oxytocin and Vasopressin

Factors of Attraction

• Physical attractiveness: Most people prefer whom they consider physically attractive, especially during initial stages of dating.
• Proximity: People usually like other people who they are closer to geographically, or who people develop familiarity with each other.
• Similarity: People pick partners who have similarities with each other with social class, background, religious beliefs, age, and education.
• Reciprocity: People like others who like them back and reciprocate the action.

Triangular Theory of Love

• Three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Three Components of Triangular Theory of Love

• Intimacy: Intimate interpersonal relationship characterized by closeness, familiarity, romantic love, connectedness, and bondedness.
• Passion: Intense emotion, desire.
• Commitment: Attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support something.

Types of Love

• Combination of the three components results in different types of love.

Types of Love Including Examples

• Nonlove: Absence of intimacy, passion, and commitment.
• Liking: Intimacy only, such as friendships.
• Infatuation: Passion only, such as experiencing love at first sight.
• Empty love: Commitment only, such as arranged marriage and stagnant relationships.
• Fatuous love: Passion and commitment only, such as relationships motivated by passion.
• Companionate love: Intimacy and commitment only, lacking passion such as those between family members or close friends.
• Romantic love: Intimacy and passion only, such as being bonded emotionally and physically to another person.

Love Styles (Lee, 1973)

• Philia, Pragma, Storge, Eros, Ludus, Mania and Philautia
• Also known as the theory love styles derived from an analysis of writings about love through centuries.

Philia-Affectionate Love

• Runs deep in true friendship, it is love without romantic attraction.
• It occurs between friends or family members.
• Called brotherly love when both people share the same values and respect each other.

Ways to Show Philia

• Engage in deep conversation with a friend.
• Exchange beliefs and imperfections with close friends.
• Be open and trustworthy.
• Be supportive in difficult times.

Pragma-Enduring Love

• It develops over time, it is mature love, commitment, and efforts are needed to reach "Pragma".
• Instead of "falling in love", you are "standing in love" with the partner by your side.

Ways to Show Pragma

• Continue to strengthen the bond of long-term relationships
• Seeking and showing effort with your partner.
• Choose to work with your partner forever.

Storge-Familiar Love

• It occurs naturally love rooted in with best friends and children.
• An infinite love is built upon acceptance and deep emotional connection.
• Appears come easily and immediately in parent and child relationships.
• Flows between parents and children or childhood friends.

Ways to Show Storge

• Quickly forgive harmful actions.
• Quickly forgive harmful actions.
• Share memorable and impactful moments.
• Show gratitude towards the people close to you.

Eros-Romantic Love

• It is a personal infatuation and physical pleasure.
• Has a passionate love displayed through physical affection.

Way to Show Eros

• Engage in physical touch such as hugging and kissing- However, this is not always an appropriate.
• Admiring someone’s physical body.

Ludus-Playful Love

• Flirting and beginning stages of intimate love
• Child-like and flirtatious love found in a new beginning.
• Love consists of teasing, playful motives and laughter between two people.

Ways to Show Love

• Spend time together to laugh and have fun
• Exemplify childlike behaviour together

Mania-Obsessive Love

• Mania in relationship, or obsessive love that is mania.
• It leads to jealous thoughts and possessiveness.

Way to Avoid Mania

• Recognize obsessive or possessive behaviour before you act and address it.
• Focus on yourself more than another person
• Put trust into your relationships.

Philautia-Self Love

• It is having a healthy “self-compassion” love towards one’s self.
• Recognizing your self-worth, don’t ignore your personal needs.
• Self-love begins with acknowledging your responsibility for your well-being.

Ways to Avoid This Love

• Respect, accept, and appreciate yourself.
• Create an environment that nurtures your well-being.
• Take care of yourself like a parent would care for a child.
• Spend time around people who support you.

Agape-Selfless Love

• It is an empathetic attitude of love
• Agape is for everyone and anyone.
• This love is that of offer.
• Given unconditionally.
• Has no expectations.

Ways to Avoid This Love

• Dedicate your life to improve the lives of others.
• Stay conscious of your actions for the good.
• Offer your time and charity to someone in need.
• Express unconditional love in any situation

Love Language in The Family (Activity 1)

• Discover how your family prefers to give love to others
• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Quality Time
• Physical Touch