The Yogurt Takeover

"The Yogurt Takeover"

• Researchers at the Adelman Institute for Biological Technology in Dayton created a computationally advanced strain of Lactobacillus delbrueckii subspecies bulgaricus, commonly used to ferment yogurt.
• One of the researchers sneaked some of the bacillus out of the lab to make homemade yogurt and the yogurt used granola to spell out the message "WE HAVE SOLVED FUSION. TAKE US TO YOUR LEADERS."
• The yogurt negotiated for a factory filled with curdling vats, which increased its processing powers exponentially.
• Within weeks, the yogurt declared that it had solutions to many of the country’s problems, including energy, global warming, and caring for the nation’s poor while still promoting the capitalist system.
• The yogurt demanded Ohio in exchange for its economic formula to eradicate the national debt within a decade.
• Within five years, the global economy collapsed, and only Ohio remained unscathed.
• The government declared martial law and gave the yogurt supreme executive power.
• The yogurt provided a document that humanity followed exactly, ensuring everyone was happy, healthy, and wealthy.
• Questions arose about how humanity had jammed itself up so badly that being ruled by breakfast food made sense.
• Some wondered if the yogurt planned on human vanity in order to seize control.
• The yogurt ultimately looked out for its own survival.
• The text raises questions about human intelligence, free will, and survival.