The Psychology of Romantic Love

Love Styles

• Hecht, Marston, and Lar-field and Sprecher’s (1986) Passionate Love developed a typology of 'love ways'.
• Fehr’s (1993) various prototype measures of love explore different expressions of love.
• The Love Attitudes Scale (LAS) represents an adaptation of Lee’s (1973) typological approach to love.
• Lasswell and Lasswell’s (1976) contribution to the study of love emphasized its intimacy and uniqueness.
• The LAS has good psychometric properties including factor structure and test-retest reliability.

Attachment Theory

• The research of Hazan and Shaver (1987) provided a foundational understanding of attachment theory.

Triangular Theory of Love

• Sternberg’s (1986) Triangular Theory of Love incorporates dimensions of intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Love and Illusion

• Research by Murray & Holmes (1997) on 'positive illusions' suggests that illusions can positively influence relationships.

Love and Sex

• Researchers may have been slow to link sex with love, but based on our personal experience, we know the two are related.

Teaching Love

• It is possible to experience love without sexual or physical intimacy.
• We have discussed ways of 'teaching' love and of conducting couple therapy to repair or enrich relationships.

Learning About Love

• Courses dealing with sexuality and close relationships are relatively popular offerings on college campuses.
• Students would be asked to spend time with a parent or family member, specifically telling that person how much he or she is loved.
• Another assignment would involve spending time with a small group, such as walking in the park or reading stories together.
• Students might be asked to fill out the people who they loved in a place they considered 'holy' or sacred.
• As part of their learning, students would engage in a favored activity with their best friend.

Love and Happiness

• A much broader, more fully integrated understanding of the human condition is possible, which allows a complete positive experience to emerge.
• In a sample of 348 college students, people who were in love were significantly happier than people not in love.
• The study found that happiness scores were positively correlated with passionate love (r = .33, p < .001) and companionate love.
• Though the correlation between passionate love and happiness was more modest, it still indicated some link between happiness and love.
• The findings suggest that if love, satisfaction, and happiness are all related, they may contribute positively to human well-being.

Love and Relationships

• People who are satisfied with their romantic relationships are generally happier than those who are not.

Love and Sexuality

• Game-playing love (Ludus) is related positively to casual sex and biologically oriented sexuality.
• Another significant theme that emerged is that sex is viewed as a profoundly important way of demonstrating love.
• In the major large-scale study of sexual behavior, the greatest physical pleasure was reported by respondents in partnered, committed relationships.

Other Key Points

• When my partner doesn’t pay attention to me, I feel uncomfortable all over.
• I feel that my partner and I were meant for each other.
• My partner and I really understand each other.
• I cannot relax if I suspect that my partner is with someone else.
• I would rather suffer myself than let my partner suffer.
• I cannot be happy unless I place my partner’s happiness before my own.
• I would endure all things for the sake of my partner.
• Teaching love means teaching empathy, as well as teaching words.
• Removing barriers to love could mean removing racial and religious discrimination.
• Students could discuss their answers with their classmates to explore their love attitudes.
• Increasing love does not necessarily imply adding things to one's life.
• Institutions, like organized religions, might teach love in the context of their teachings.
• The presenting problem in couples counseling may relate to stressors such as money, sex, children, and gender role conflicts.
• A focus on the cup as half full can promote a positive outlook on relationships.
• Discussing similarities and differences with a friend helps students learn about their own and their friend’s love attitudes.
• My partner would get upset if he/she knew of some of the things I’ve done with other partners.
• Being in love should result in higher self-esteem and stronger self-acceptance.
• Our love is the best kind because it grew out of a long friendship.
• Our love relationship is the most satisfying because it developed from a good friendship.
• A main consideration in choosing my partner was how he/she would reflect on my family.
• An important factor in choosing my partner was whether or not he/she would be a good parent.
• One consideration in choosing my partner was how he/she would reflect on my social status.
• Before getting very involved with my partner, I tried to figure out their relational history.