SMF 211 Week 6: The Psychology of Love

• SMF 211 is covering Week 6 content on love as a special Valentine's Day lecture.

Agenda Items

• There will be no class and office hours during the upcoming winter break week.
• An updated course schedule has been posted with Myth-busting presentations and guest speaker dates.
• There are three Myth-Busting Presentations scheduled for tonight.
• An upcoming test is sheduled.
• The lecture topic is "Liking, loving, and you."

Schedule Updates

• Changes to the Myth-busting schedule, guest speakers, and topics have been made to accommodate presentations.
• Test 1 is scheduled for February 25th, from 5:30pm to 6:45pm and will cover content from weeks 1-6 excluding myth busting content.
• Test 2 is scheduled for April 1st from 5:30pm-7pm and will cover content from Week 7 to Week 11, excluding Myth-Busting content.
• The lecture topic for February 25th includes Healthy Relationships Part 1.
• March 4th will cover Myth Busting Presentations and Healthy Relationships Part 2.
• March 11th will cover Myth Busting Presentations, Long Distance Relationships, and Consensual/Ethical Non-monogamy.
• Guest speaker Dr. Adam Davies, will be presenting March 18th on the topic of Dating and Gay Men's Social/Dating Apps, as well as Myth Busting Presentations.
• March 25th will include Dating and Cross-cultural Considerations, Breaking Up and Other Endings.
• Readings with associated weeks will be available in course reserves and have myth busting content linked to LEARN.

Test #1 Information

• Test #1 accounts for 20% of your grade
• Test #1 takes place during the next class, after Reading Week on Tuesday, February 25th at 5:30pm
• The test takes place in classroom SJ2 1002
• Bring your ID, a pencil, and an eraser
• The test is 1.5 hours long, from 5:30pm to 6:35pm (65 minutes)
• The test is multiple choice only, with ~50 questions.
• A lecture will follow at ~6:45pm

Tested Material

• Readings from Week 1 to Week 6 are tested, including Modern Romance (2015): chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, and 7, and course reserve readings.
• Class content from Week 1 to Week 6 will be tested including landscape concepts and terminology, consent, dating in the 1950's to today, digital and other communication, "The Ask” and related behaviors, online dating, hook-up culture, and theories of love.

How to Study

• Focus on understanding concepts rather than rote memorization of names or statistics, unless those were reviewed in class.
• Test questions focus on class material, including weekly readings.
• Approximately 10-15% of test questions come readings not covered in class.

Modern Romance: Chapter 7

• Ansari & Kleinenberg discuss passionate and companionate love, the search for love, and settling down.
• Theories of love will be reviewed.
• Jonathan Haidt's The Happiness Hypothesis and different periods in romantic relationships should be paid attention to as secondary readings.

Motivations to Date

• Friendship
• Companionship
• Desire for sexual activity or pleasure
• Connection
• Intimacy that leads to being a couple, a thruple, or a quad(or other type of polyamorous relationship)
• Marriage, possibly including religious, cultural, social motives
• Security or support
• Love

Concept of What is Love

• What individuals have been taught about the meaning of love - what it is, what it is not
• How has one's personal framework been influenced in terms of your understanding of love
• In what ways are some people denied access to love, or for whom may love be difficult to access

Quote About Love

• Love is the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle-aged, and the mutual dependence of the old, according to John Ciardi.

Liking and Loving the Early Years

• Based on a KidsHealth online survey in 2020 with 4300 kids polled, 80% said they had a crush on someone
• Common themes involve embarrassment
• With over half of those surveyed, 64% said they would tell the person how they feel
• To Disclose or Not Disclose?
• 55% found the courage tell the person
• 23% in person
• 23% with a friend
• 4% over the phone
• 39% other ways
• Saying that being friends - just liking is okay

Liking and Loving the Later Years

• According to Fernandes et al. (2023) emerging adults demonstrated greater capacity to love in all dimensions except acceptance of loss, grief, and jealousy, when compared to middle-aged adults (45-65yrs)

Theories of Love

• Color Wheel/Styles of Loving (Lee)
• Compassionate vs. Passionate Love(Hatfield)
• Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love.

Six Styles of Loving (Color Wheel of Love)

• John Lee developed the styles of love in his 1973 book, Colours of Love
• The theory is that different people approach love relationships in different ways
• The 6 styles of loving:
  • Eros: passionate, lustful love
  • Storge: down-to-earth, friendship
  • Ludos: game-playing, noncommittal, short-term, playful love
  • Mania: dependent and possessive love
  • Agape: all-giving, selfless love
  • Pragma: logical, practical

Passionate and Companionate Theory of Love

• Elaine Hatfield and colleagues developed this theory
• There are two kinds of love: passionate and companionate
• See Ansari & Kleinenberg (ch7) for a general overview.
• Passionate love includes moments of joy and ecstasy, "intense longing", feelings of being understood and accepted, sharing a sense of union, feeling secure and safe (commitment).
• Companionate Love is a warm, less intense emotion (relative to passionate love), combining deep attachment, commitment, and intimacy, also called tender love, martial or conjugal love, or true love

Triangular Theory of Love

• Developed by Robert Sternberg in 1988, the theory has 3 components
  • Intimacy
  • Passion
  • Commitment
• Shown visually as each of those on the vertices of a triangle
• Romantic love is shown as intimacy + passion
• Companionate love is shown as intimacy + commitment
• Fatuous love (Passion + Commitment)

Love, Gender and Sexual Orientation

• Research shows that love is equally important for people in same-sex relationships
• Some studies point to a heterosexual bias in perceptions of gay and lesbian love relationships
• Research at the Gottman Institute suggests very few differences in gay and straight relationships
• One difference involves emotional expressiveness

Gender Role Socialization

• One should consider how gender role socialization influences the dating field
• Consider whether gender socialization or sexual orientation is stronger.

Asexuality and Love

• Asexuality is not well-defined in the literature, it is usually described as a lack of sexual attraction (Bogaert, 2001 and others)
• Asexuality exists on a continuum, that ranges from no attraction or desire for sexual activities, to low levels of attraction, or that that exists only under specific conditions.
• Haefner (2011) found that asexual individuals are clear that love and sex in relationship are different
• One can love a person without desiring

Loving During a Pandemic

• Anxiety and a lack of social outlets has been common
• Shared living/working spaces
• Companionship, friendship, and security became more valuable to relationships.
• Stress and confinement during the pandemic can have negative outcomes like an increased presence of intimate partner and gender-based violence.

Love

• There is no single definition
• It can be or mean many different things to different people
• Types of loving are more positive that foster individual and relational well-being, and can also have possessiveness or jealousy that breaks down relationships.
• Forming a stage of identity during emerging adulthood involving beliefs, values, choices, commitments based on the Erikson model.
• Consider what this may mean: Knowing oneself, loving oneself- a precursor to forming close healthy romantic relations.

Reminders

• Love your self and others will.
• Enjoy the winter break and use the time well:
• Study, catch up, and plan for the final half of the term
• Focus on wellness
• Fuel your social needs
• Get sleep
• Set realistic expectations for the break - and be gentle with yourself.

SMF 211 Week 6 lecture focuses on the psychology of love, timed for Valentine's Day. Important updates include the winter break schedule, myth-busting presentations, and guest speaker dates. Test 1 is scheduled for February 25th, covering content from weeks 1-6 excluding myth busting content.