University Of Success Ch 13

Self-Esteem and Personal Effectiveness

• Self-esteem is a fundamental aspect of personal effectiveness. It's like driving a car, if your self-esteem is low, you're driving with the brakes on, hindering your potential.
• Self-esteem is a developed, not inherent trait. It's formed through the messages we receive and how we interpret these messages. We develop a unique self-image based on these interpretations.
• Self-esteem is a measure of your self-worth. It's a feeling about yourself, your value as a person.
• High self-esteem is a common denominator of excellence. It's a releasing mechanism allowing potential to flow freely.
• A high self-esteem person feels valuable, important, and worthy of respect. They enjoy challenges and have a positive outlook on the future.
• Self-confidence is related to self-esteem but is more task-oriented. It's the confidence in your ability to perform a specific skill or task.
• There are techniques for building self-esteem:
  • Constructive Imagination: Use positive affirmations about your worthiness to reinforce a positive self-image.
  • Dwell on Successes: Focus on things you felt good about doing and minimize dwelling on failures.
  • Use "Next Time" to avoid wallowing in errors: Recognize the error and shift focus to how you'll handle it differently in the future.
  • Use "Up Until Now" to avoid negative labels: Instead of "I can't make speeches," think "Up until now, it hasn't been easy for me..."
  • Direct thoughts positively before sleep: Avoid dwelling on negatives before falling asleep.

Self-Esteem in Groups

• Groups also have self-esteem levels. This is the collective feeling of the group's members about their value.
• A group with high self-esteem functions more effectively and achieves more.
• It's beneficial to contribute to the positive self-esteem of your groups. This can benefit both the group and your personal well-being.
• Reinforcing the self-esteem of others enhances your own self-esteem. This creates a positive cycle, where helping others feel good about themselves improves your own feelings of value and worth.

Self-Esteem in National Context

• Nations also have self-esteem levels. They change over time and influence national progress, productivity, and the effectiveness of citizens.
• It's more productive to focus on a nation's successes and address failures constructively. Learn and improve from mistakes to achieve greater effectiveness in the future.

Summary

• Self-esteem is a crucial factor in personal and group effectiveness.
• Focus on developing and maintaining a healthy level of self-esteem.
• Build self-esteem by using various techniques and contributing to the positive self-esteem of others.
• Acknowledge the impact of self-esteem on groups and nations.
• Be proactive in creating and sustaining a positive climate of self-esteem.### Self-Esteem and Relationships
• People with high self-esteem are more likely to be open, honest, and trustworthy. They are also more likely to communicate directly and have mutually set goals.
• When people with high self-esteem work together, positive things happen.
• Building self-esteem in others can be accomplished by putting them up, rather than putting them down.

The No Put-Down Game

• This game was created by a participant in a PACE Youth program in 1968.
• The goal of the game is to go as long as possible without putting anyone down, including oneself.
• The game is individual and private. Avoid telling others about it.

Putting People Up

• Spend more time and effort putting people up, and less time and effort putting them down.
• Reinforce positive feelings about themselves, and express admiration.
• Praise qualities you admire in others, rather than criticizing those you condemn.

Avoiding Putting People Down

• Avoid calling attention to behavior that you don't admire.
• Focus on discussing the activity, not the person.
• Offer coaching or guidance to help people improve, rather than making them feel bad about themselves.

Bragging and Low Self-Esteem

• People who constantly brag are likely to have low self-esteem. They might be trying to convince themselves and others that they are valuable.
• It’s more productive to reinforce the person’s inner feeling of value and significance rather than trying to "pop their balloon."

Negative Reactions to Compliments

• A negative reaction to compliments can be another sign of low self-esteem.
• People with low self-esteem might not believe they deserve compliments and may feel uncomfortable receiving them.
• High self-esteem individuals are usually comfortable and appreciative when receiving praise.