#8 2700

• Relationships at a minimum are defined as the interdependence of people over time.
• Interdependence means two or more people depend on and influence one another.
• Close relationships have high levels of trust, love, knowledge, commitment, and closeness.

Attraction

• Attraction is the interest in and liking of one individual by another.
• Operationally, attraction is the degree people approach versus avoid another person.
• Attraction includes the desire to get to know or spend time with someone else.
• Attraction includes the extent that we "like" a person or enjoy their company.

What Predicts Attraction

• Propinquity (proximity) means we are more attracted to people we are geographically close to.
• Propinquity means we see and interact with people often.
• Propinquity involves actual physical distance and/or functional distance.
• Propinquity works in part because of the mere exposure effect.
• Similarity is a predictor of attraction. We tend to be more attracted to and become close with people who are like us, especially in attitudes and values.
• We believe that people who are similar to us will like us (reciprocity), and they validate our opinions and world views.
• There is an alternate view called the repulsion hypothesis.
• When we like someone, we might also adjust our perceptions of similarity to diminish differences.
• Perceived similarity may be more important than actual similarity.

Antecedents of Attraction

• Reciprocity is when in general, we tend to be attracted to people who like us back.
• When it comes to romance, we tend to like others who specifically like us and only us.
• Specific liking leads to more liking, referred to as positive reciprocity.
• If Laura desires Tim more than she desires other men, he desires her more than he desires other women.
• General liking leads to less liking, referred to as negative reciprocity.
• If Laura desires all men more than the other women do, men generally desire her less than they desire other women.
• Physical attractiveness is a strong predictor of attraction. We are more likely to want to become close to people who are good-looking.
• Both men and women prefer large eyes and prominent cheekbones, along with a big Duchenne smile.
• Women with small noses and chins tend to be more attractive.
• Men with larger chins tend to be more attractive.
• People who are physically attractive are treated better and believed to be more kind, intelligent, and sociable and less likely to have an STI.
• Situations affect attraction, and to some extent, people sometimes infer their emotional states by making attributions about the cause of their physiological arousal.
• The misattribution of arousal states that attraction may sometimes be inferred.
• If you see someone cute, you can increase the mutual attraction by having eye contact, Duchenne smiles, identifying and emphasizing your similarities, and suggesting an exciting or arousing date.

Love

• There isn't one perfect definition of love, but research about romantic relationships has focused on two main "types" of love.
• Storge is a loving attachment and nonsexual affection, the type of emotion which bonds parents to children.
• Agape is a selfless love, similar to generosity and charity.
• Philia is a love between friends, based on liking and respect.
• Eros is the kind of love that's passionate, intense, and sensual.
• Companionate love involves feelings of intimacy and affection that we feel for another person which we deeply care for.
• Passionate/romantic love involves feelings of intense longing for another person, preoccupation with them, and high levels of physiological arousal (and often sexual desire).
• Companionate love, rather than passionate love, is more central to most people's understanding of love.
• Men are more passionate/romantic than women, though the difference is small. Both men and women value companionate love more than passionate love.
• Passionate love is more valued by individualistic than collectivistic cultures.
• Some researchers propose that love evolved to promote reproductive success, in that passion motivates reproduction, and companionate love ensures commitment until children reach reproductive age.
• Different reproductive strategies are thought to yield gender differences in preferences.
• Men prioritize physical attractiveness and vitality.
• Women prioritize status and resources; though the most desirable partners for both men and women are those who are warm, loving, honest, trustworthy, and pleasant.
• Attachment theory is also a useful framework for understanding how we think, feel, and behave when it comes to love and relationships.
• Children develop different attachment styles based on how responsive their parents were to meeting their needs for closeness, safety, and comfort.
• Secure attachment style is characterized by trust, a lack of concern over being abandoned, and the view that one is worthy and well-liked.
• Anxious/Ambivalent attachment style is characterized by obsessive preoccupations with relationships and a concern that others will not reciprocate one's desire for intimacy, resulting in higher-than-average levels of anxiety.
• Avoidant attachment style is characterized by discomfort with closeness, difficulty with trust, and a general suppression of attachment needs.
• It is best to think in terms of "dimensions" rather than "categories" when referring to adult attachment.
• Anxiety over abandonment and avoidance of intimacy have connections with various aspects of love.
• Secure people trust others more and are more open and self-disclosing with their partners than avoidant people.
• Secure people have more frequent sex, and report more arousal, pleasure and orgasms and higher sexual satisfaction than insecure people.
• Day-to-day, secure people have more satisfying, close, and positive interactions and thus are more committed to their relationships than insecure people are.
• Secure people provide more effective help and support to their partners than insecure people do.

Relationship Processes

• Social exchange theory suggests that how people feel about their relationships depends on perceptions of outcomes, comparison level (CL), and comparison level for alternatives (CL-alt).
• Outcomes (reward/cost ratio) are the positives and negatives involved in the relationship.
• Comparison level is the reward/cost ratio that they feel they deserve in a relationship.
• Comparison level for alternatives is the positive and negatives they can get with someone else or by being single.
• The investment model suggests that what people put into their relationship (e.g., money, children, time, feelings) can also be powerful motivators to stay (i.e., commitment).
• Even if someone isn't satisfied with their relationship and believe they could do better elsewhere or single, they will stay if their investments are very high.
• Equity theory suggests that people are happiest in their relationships when the rewards/costs they experience (outcomes), and the contributions they make to a relationship (efforts), are roughly equal to the rewards/costs (outcomes) and contributions of their partner (efforts); when equity is off, partners feel different emotions.
• According to equity theory, people are most satisfied in relationships where one partner's ratio of outcomes to effort is equal to the other partner, in that relationships are most satisfying when they are perceived to be fair.
• Relationship maintenance can be done by engaging in novel activities together, developing trust, maintaining positive illusions, expressing gratitude for each other, affirming each other's ideal qualities, handling conflicts directly and constructively, being responsive and prioritizing each other's sexual and nonsexual needs, capitalizing on positive events, and cuddling/kissing frequently.

Relationship Dissolution

• Relationships dissolve for a number of reasons, including stress, dissimilarity, low rewards and high costs, low investment, inequity, attractive alternative partners, and boredom.
• Relationship factors like positive illusions and commitment are effective predictors of breakup, and individual factors like neuroticism and self-esteem don't give much information on likelihood of breakup.
• Baxter (1982) identified four main strategies people use to end a relationship: withdrawal/avoidance, positive tone, manipulative strategies, and open confrontation.
• The role a person plays in the decision to terminate the relationship predicts how they feel post-breakup.
• Those who initiate may suffer less, but often feel guilt and unhappiness.
• Those who get "dumped" often feel very unhappy, lonely, angry, and depressed.
• Breakups can undermine our ability to eat and sleep well for a time.
• Getting broken up with can undermine our self-esteem.
• We include our partners in our self-concept, so when the relationship ends, we lose part of who we are, which is associated with feeling like our self-concept has diminished.
• Breakups can motivate us to change things about ourselves or our routines (e.g., cutting hair).
• We think we will be more distressed by a breakup than we actually are if our relationship ends.
• Rebound relationships are a relationship initiated shortly after a breakup, often before the feelings about the former relationship have been resolved
• Although this doesn't generally make us feel worse, it also doesn't reduce distress or anger toward our ex, though sometimes this can provide temporary distraction and make us feel a bit more desirable
• People who were more committed to a dissolved romantic relationship are more likely to have healthier relationships with their exes
• An important part of commitment is wanting the relationship to continue in the future.
• Good ways to cope with a breakup include unfriending/unfollowing your ex on social media, writing about the positive aspects of the experience, relying on social support from family and friends, and taking time for yourself before getting into another relationship.
• Recall that breakup can reduce self-concept clarity, so it's important to regain your sense of self in order to maximize your chances of a healthy, fulfilling relationship down the road.