Chapter 8

• In the past, people married for practical reasons, but today, romantic love is often considered necessary.

Brief History of Love

• Attitudes toward love vary across:
• Cultural value: desirability of love
• Sexuality: sexual vs. non-sexual love
• Sexual orientation: heterosexual vs. same-sex love
• Marital status: love for spouses vs. others
• Historically, love was viewed as madness and a dangerous trap.
• Belief in passionate love as desirable emerged over 500 years.
• The idea that romantic passion leads to a happy ending arose in the 17th and 18th centuries.
• Perspectives on love include varying views like:
  • Love is doomed
  • Love need not involve sex
  • Love and marriage go together
  • Love has little to do with marriage
  • The best love occurs among people of the same sex

Types of Love

Triangular Theory of Love

• Sternberg's theory suggests three building blocks form different types of love:

• Intimacy: warmth, understanding, trust, support, and sharing; emotional in nature

• Passion: physical arousal, desire, excitement, and need; a motive or drive

• Commitment: permanence, stability, wanting to continue the relationship; that is cognitive

• These components form a triangle, with intensity varying from low to high.

• Love has countless variations based on combining the three elements.

• Passion is most variable, and the elements can change over time.

Eight Types of Love

• Nonlove: absence of intimacy, passion, and commitment; superficial relationships
• Liking: high intimacy, low passion and commitment; real closeness and warmth in friendships
• Infatuation: strong passion, no intimacy or commitment; initial experiences with someone barely known
• Empty Love: commitment without intimacy and passion; occurs in burned-out relationships or arranged marriages.
• Romantic Love: high passion and intimacy; commitment is not always defining
• Companionate Love: high intimacy and commitment, no passion; love for close companion or long-term marriage.
• Fatuous Love: passion and commitment, no intimacy; termed "stupid love," where people share passion without truly liking each other
• Consummate Love: combines intimacy, passion, and commitment; sought-after but hard to maintain

Psychological Perspective

• Lust: sex drive regulated by hormones; motivates mating for reproduction
• Attraction: dopamine-regulated pursuit of a romantic partner; drives pair-bonding and feelings of reward
• Increased dopamine levels create excitement, euphoria, and optimism in lovers.
• Romantic love affects pain-relieving drug-related brain areas, acting as a painkiller.
• Attachment: oxytocin-regulated comfort, security, and connection to a long-term mate
• Facilitates couples staying together to protect offspring, drives companionate love
• Oxytocin promotes relaxation
• Occurs often in companionate love with commitment and intimacy.
• Each love component is regulated by distinct psychological systems.

Romantic, Passionate Love

• Two factors underpin passionate attraction:
  • Physical arousal e.g., fast heartbeat
  • Belief that another person causes arousal
• Romantic love intensifies when arousal links with an attractive person's presence.
• Arousal and adrenaline fuel love.

Love Scale

• The lovescale sees love as multifaceted, involving giving and taking, including:
  • Intimacy
  • Dependency
  • Caring

Love is Blind

• People downplay or ignore their partners' flaws.
• They form idealized images that differ from reality.
• Imagination is a significant difference between love and friendship.

Compassionate Love

• Combines trust and understanding of intimacy with compassion, empathy, selflessness, and sacrifice.
• People experiencing this love:
  • Share loved ones' pain or joy
  • Prefer to suffer rather than see loved ones hurt
  • Are attentive, empathic, and generous.
  • Provide more support
• Greater compassion means greater satisfaction and commitment.
• Unlike romantic love, it is rooted in understanding strengths and weaknesses.

Styles of Loving

• John Alan Lee's six styles depend on factors such as intimacy, commitment, expectations, and desires:
  • Eros: influenced by physical appearance, love at first sight
  • Ludus: uncommitted game, multiple partners
  • Storge: prioritizes long-term friendships and commitment over strong emotions
  • Mania: demanding, possessive, and excitable
  • Agape: selfless, love as a duty
  • Pragma: seeks logically compatible partners

Why Love Does Not Last

• Factors contributing to the dwindling of love:
• Living in a fantasy aka 'love is blind'
• Decreased novelty; early excitement diminishes
• Fading arousal; less dopamine release over time
• Less passion in older relationships, but more commitment