Honoring Parents: A Spiritual Perspective

The act of honoring one's parents is a mitzvah that is considered between a person and God because the first commandment on the first Tablet refers to God, and all the commandments on the first Tablet mention God’s name.

The mitzvah of honoring your parents stems from the obligation to repay the debt you owe them for your existence and survival.

Honoring parents involves treating them with respect and kindness, anticipating their needs, and fulfilling their requests with a cheerful and positive attitude.

When a parent expresses a need, a child should prioritize fulfilling that need, even if it means interrupting their own studies or activities.

A child needs to be particularly mindful of their parents' feelings and avoid any actions that could cause them pain or distress.

It is essential to view your parents with utmost respect and reverence, recognizing their unique qualities and the immense efforts they have put into raising you.

Even if a parent doesn't explicitly request something, a child should proactively anticipate their needs and fulfill them, just as a dedicated servant would serve his master.

The story of Dama Ben Nesinah illustrates the importance of honoring parents by showing respect even in the face of personal inconvenience.

It's better to have someone other than the child wake up their parent.

Even if a parent is happy for their child to make a profit, the child shouldn't wake them up for it.

If a parent asks you to do something that goes against Jewish law (even a minor rule), you should not obey them. God's laws are paramount.

If a parent asks you to do something that you're currently doing for a religious obligation, you might have to finish the obligation first, depending on the circumstances.

If your parents tell you to not speak to someone, you are not obligated to follow their command.

If your parents ask you to get them a drink, but you have a mitzvah to do that can be done by someone else, finish the mitzvah first.

You must obey your parents' requests, even if you disagree, as long as what they ask is not against Jewish law. However, it's a good idea to try to understand their wishes.

A child can override their parents’ wishes if they want to marry someone, but it’s important to discuss it with a rabbi.

The mitzvah of honoring your parents applies to both men and women equally.

It's permissible for a child to move to another city for the purpose of religious study, even if the parents don't like it, as long as it's beneficial for their learning.

A child is obligated to honor their step-parents, even if they dislike them, until their real parent dies.

You should always try to avoid actions that might cause your parents emotional or physical pain.

Parents are obligated to forgive their children.

Parents can sometimes physically discipline their children, but it's important to speak with a teacher or rabbi for guidance.

If your father is a Torah scholar (Talmud Chacham), he cannot serve you (e.g., help with chores), but normally, a father can serve his son.

Cursing your parents is a very serious offense in Jewish law, punishable by stoning (Skila).

If you cause a wound on your parents, you are obligated to be executed by strangulation. If there is no wound, you will receive corporal punishment (Makot).

If your father has a cut, you should not try to save it by amputing the limb or taking any other measures that could cause more harm. However, if there is a risk of serious bleeding (Skena), then you can intervene. You should always seek forgiveness from your father in advance, unless it's a very serious situation.

If a parent asks their child to do something that goes against the Torah or even a rabbinical decree, the child does not have to obey. Everyone is obligated to listen to God's laws.

If a parent asks you to do something harmful to yourself, such as passing them a cigarette when they have a lung issue, you don't have to comply. However, if it's a life-threatening situation (Skena), then fulfilling their request may be permitted.

Honoring your parents is a mitzvah between a person and God, as it is rooted in the first tablet of the Ten Commandments, which focuses on our relationship with God, and all those commandments mention God's name.

Honoring parents is a mitzvah between a person and another person because we depend on them for our survival, and therefore we owe them a debt of gratitude.

Ramban explains that a parent has the right to receive respect because their dignity is their own, and they are the ones who define how to honor them.

Although a parent may offer forgiveness for disrespect, it doesn't erase the mitzvah to honor them. However, the act of honoring them is still significant even if the parent has already forgiven you.

The highest honor one can give their parents is to be a תלמיד חכם (Torah scholar) and a good person. This is a fundamental concept in Judaism, emphasizing the importance of both intellectual and moral development.

It is important to speak about deceased parents with honor and respect, even when quoting them. Saying "הריני כפרת משכבו" (May I be a atonement for his/her deathbed) is appropriate for the first 12 months, and "זכרונו לברכה" (May his/her memory be for a blessing) after 12 months.

Reciting Kaddish for a deceased parent fulfills the mitzvah (commandment) of honoring them. It is considered one of the highest forms of respect and demonstrates a deep connection to their memory.

Standing up when your parents enter a room is a sign of respect. This applies even if you have already stood up for them twice that day. The reason for this is to show them the same level of respect as we show the Almighty.

A child should not sit in the same place as their parent. This applies to both the home and in public settings. The only exception is if the parent temporarily changes their seat.

A child should not contradict or disagree with a parent directly, especially when they are present. However, one can defend their parent's opinion or express their own respectfully when they are not around.

When discussing Torah matters, a child can disagree with their parent respectfully, but it should be done in a way that avoids embarrassing them or making their opinion seem inferior.

It is not permitted to call one's parents-in-law or parents by their first name, even if they are deceased. However, there are exceptions depending on the name and the circumstances.

When writing or speaking about your parents, it is common practice to include an honorific title, such as 'Reb' for a father and its female equivalent for a mother. However, if the parent is mochel (forgives) or doesn't mind, then it may be permissible to omit the title.

If a parent cannot care for themselves emotionally, finding someone else to help is permitted. However, it is crucial to obtain explicit permission from the parent before any medical procedure is performed on them.

It is not allowed to tie down a parent unless it is absolutely necessary to prevent them from causing harm to themselves or others. Restraint should only be used as a last resort during an urgent situation.

A child is not obligated to lose money for their parent. Even if a parent is sleeping and a child is missing out on profit, the child is not required to wake them up. However, if the parent is the one losing profit, then the child may wake them up.

Parents have a responsibility to instill respect for themselves in their children. However, if parents are too lenient and overlook disrespect, it can lead to a lack of respect for authority in general.

A parent is not considered an אדם גדול (great person) simply because they are a parent. This means that the son may still sit at the head of the table during a family gathering, even if the father is present, as long as he doesn't do the קידוש.

It is acceptable for a child to sleep on their parent's bed. This is considered a sign of affection and closeness.

The Gemara in Kiddushin relates a story about a rabbi who said that when his mother was coming, he was standing for the 'Shechinah' (Divine Presence). This emphasizes the idea that honoring one's parents is equivalent to honoring the Almighty.