Distress Tolerance Skills - VIDEO 9

Study Notes

Willfulness vs. Willingness: Understanding the Concept and How to Move from Willfulness to Willingness

Willfulness is the act of trying to control events, people, or experiences, sometimes by avoiding or denying them, and it is the opposite of doing what works.
Willfulness can be necessary in some situations, but it can also be detrimental to our ability to respond effectively in a given moment.
Willfulness and radical acceptance are two opposing ends of a dialectic, but they both feed into each other.
Willingness is accepting what is and responding to it in an effective and appropriate way, focusing on both individual and group means, and committing oneself to participation.
Life is like hitting baseballs from a pitching machine, and we must respond as best as we can to each ball that comes our way.
We cannot control the hands we are dealt in life, but we can respond to them in the moment.
To move from willfulness to willingness, we must observe and label our willfulness, then radically accept it, and practice turning the mind towards acceptance and willingness.
We can also use body language, such as half-smiling and willing hands, to change our emotional experience in a given moment.
Developing insight into our pattern of willfulness can help us notice it more often and be non-judgmental when it shows up.
Willfulness often has a threat involved, and asking ourselves what the threat is can give us room for problem-solving and planning.
Willingness is about actively participating in reality and overcoming threats, and it does not mean approval or being a pushover.
Practicing willingness can help us be more effective and enable us to use other skills in difficult situations.