Distress Tolerance Skills - VIDEO 9 - QUIZ

Willfulness vs. Willingness: Understanding the Concept and How to Move from Willfulness to Willingness

• Willfulness is the act of trying to control events, people, or experiences, sometimes by avoiding or denying them, and it is the opposite of doing what works.
• Willfulness can be necessary in some situations, but it can also be detrimental to our ability to respond effectively in a given moment.
• Willfulness and radical acceptance are two opposing ends of a dialectic, but they both feed into each other.
• Willingness is accepting what is and responding to it in an effective and appropriate way, focusing on both individual and group means, and committing oneself to participation.
• Life is like hitting baseballs from a pitching machine, and we must respond as best as we can to each ball that comes our way.
• We cannot control the hands we are dealt in life, but we can respond to them in the moment.
• To move from willfulness to willingness, we must observe and label our willfulness, then radically accept it, and practice turning the mind towards acceptance and willingness.
• We can also use body language, such as half-smiling and willing hands, to change our emotional experience in a given moment.
• Developing insight into our pattern of willfulness can help us notice it more often and be non-judgmental when it shows up.
• Willfulness often has a threat involved, and asking ourselves what the threat is can give us room for problem-solving and planning.
• Willingness is about actively participating in reality and overcoming threats, and it does not mean approval or being a pushover.
• Practicing willingness can help us be more effective and enable us to use other skills in difficult situations.