Family System and Addiction

Family System and Addiction

• Addiction is a family disease that affects every member.
• As the addicted member changes, other members adjust to maintain family homeostasis.
• Homeostasis is the family's attempt at balance, usually through unconscious adaptation.
• Active addiction disrupts family life, finances, and mental/physical health.
• Family members can experience guilt, shame, frustration, anger, sadness, anxiety, and fear.

Impact on Relationships

• Conflict and hostility increase in marital relationships.
• Non-addicted spouses may withdraw or become overly protective.
• Parent-child relationships often have high rates of enmeshment and dysfunction.
• Sibling relationships can be affected through modeling or providing drugs.

Recovery for Family Members

• Recognizing that the addicted person is responsible for their own actions is essential.
• Family members cannot control the addict's addiction.
• Recovery requires learning and practicing new skills.
• Recovery involves developing healthy and fulfilling life activities.

Important Terms

• Codependency: A dysfunctional relationship pattern where one person enables another's addiction.
• Enabling: Actions that unintentionally support or maintain the addiction.
• Family Homeostasis: The tendency of families to maintain a stable, familiar dynamic even when faced with challenges.

Help for Families

• Individual therapy for the person with the addiction.
• Family therapy for the whole family system.
• Self-help meetings such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Al-Anon, Alateen, Co-dependents Anonymous, and ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics/Addicts).

Family Effect of Addiction

• The speaker's oldest brother has been struggling with substance abuse/addiction for 5 years.
• The speaker emphasizes that addiction is a disease, comparing it to a survival mode where the addict is focused solely on their need.
• The speaker learned about the family effect of addiction during a family rehab trip in high school.
• The family effect of addiction is often more damaging to family members than the addict themselves, because family members experience the negative impact of the addict’s actions while remaining sober.
• The speaker describes a personal experience from when they were 16 years old, finding their brother unresponsive and fearing he was dying.
• This experience was not a one-time occurrence, and the speaker dealt with repeated instances of fear and worry over their brother's well-being.
• The speaker describes the emotional toll of the experience, leading to anxiety, depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts.
• The speaker felt like a burden to their family due to their own struggles and decided to be anonymous about them, fearing adding to the stress their family was already under.
• The speaker believes that society's stigma against addiction contributed to the decision to remain anonymous.
• The speaker acknowledges that anonymity is not an effective solution, and the fear and shame associated with it often prevents families from seeking help.
• The speaker encourages vulnerability and open communication, arguing that it is a sign of courage and strength.
• The speaker emphasizes the importance of giving a voice to addiction, as it is often minimized or hidden.
• The speaker advocates for a world where vulnerability is encouraged, allowing people to share their experiences and find support.

Family’s Impact

• The speaker's mother cried, expressing fear to her child for the first time in her life.
• The speaker uses the example of their sister sharing their family experience to demonstrate vulnerability.
• The speaker’s struggles with anxiety were fueled by feeling voiceless and unseen.
• The speaker states that their brother also feels voiceless and believes no one listens.

The Importance of Voice

• The speaker asks the audience to turn on their phone lights, symbolizing the importance of giving a voice to addiction.
• The speaker argues that the perfect world is not one that pretends negativity doesn't exist, but rather one that embraces challenges and finds strength within them.

Celebration of Life

• The speaker celebrates their 21st birthday without alcohol, emphasizing that the lack of alcohol does not mean a lack of love.
• The speaker concludes that their story is not about pain and sadness, but rather about the love and support they have received from family and friends.
• The speaker believes that love and support are essential for overcoming challenges and making life worth living.

Addiction is a Brain Disease

• Addiction is a disease of the brain, and it is hereditary.
• It is passed down from generation to generation, like other traits such as eye color or freckles.
• People with addiction are often compared to people with other chronic illnesses, like diabetes.
• It is something that can be managed with proper treatment, support, and lifestyle changes.
• Similar to how a diabetic strives to maintain their blood sugar levels, an addict needs to make conscious efforts daily to manage their addiction.

The Impact of Addiction on Relationships

• The actions and behaviors of an addict are often perceived as personal attacks, but they are not.
• An addict may say hurtful things or act in ways that seem uncaring, but these actions stem from their disease and are often driven by the fear of withdrawal.
• Loved ones become a barrier between the addict and their next fix, and this can create a lot of tension and conflict in relationships.
• Understanding that these actions are not personal is essential for healing and supporting the addict while setting healthy boundaries for oneself.

The Importance of the Serenity Prayer

• The speaker uses the Serenity Prayer to illustrate how to cope with the challenges of living with addiction.
• The speaker recounts her childhood experience with the prayer, witnessing her mother reciting it during various emotional states.
• The prayer highlights the importance of accepting what we cannot change, having the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Understanding Addiction: A Call for Change

• The speaker encourages listeners to reflect on the things that make up who they are, especially those things they may keep hidden.
• She stresses that we can learn important lessons from addiction, like the fact that it is a disease and that it can be managed.
• Finally, she emphasizes that the actions of addicts, although painful, are not personal attacks and should be viewed through the lens of a disease.