The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness Ch 9

Trust and Relationships

• Trust is the foundation of relationships and is essential for effective communication in both personal and professional settings.
• A lack of trust creates a sense of suspicion and mistrust, making communication difficult and inefficient.
• Trust acts as a glue that holds relationships, organizations, and even cultures together.
• The author highlights the importance of "the speed of trust" emphasizing its transformative power.
• Trust is faster than any technology, allowing for forgiveness and understanding when mistakes are made.

Building Trust in Relationships

• The author introduces the "Emotional Bank Account" metaphor, comparing it to a financial bank account where deposits build trust and withdrawals erode it.
• Making deposits in the Emotional Bank Account is a conscious process that requires initiative, willpower, and a focus on the other person's needs.
• These deposits involve actions such as seeking first to understand others, keeping promises, being honest and demonstrating integrity.
• The author emphasizes that building trust is an ongoing, continuous process, requiring regular acts of kindness, consideration, appreciation, and service.

Key Deposits in the Emotional Bank Account

• Seeking First to Understand: Understanding the other person's perspective is crucial for effective communication and building trust.
• Making and Keeping Promises: Broken promises erode trust quickly while keeping promises strengthens it.
• Honesty and Integrity: Honesty and integrity build trust by demonstrating that one values truth and reliability.

The Importance of Moral Authority

• Moral authority is built when one acts in accordance with principles and makes choices that demonstrate integrity and trustworthiness.
• This moral authority is critical for inspiring others and building strong relationships.

The Cost of Building Trust

• Building trust often requires sacrifice, which can be uncomfortable.
• Sacrificing comfort and personal needs for the well-being of another person is essential for developing strong and lasting relationships.
• This act of sacrifice ultimately leads to personal growth and happiness.

Integrity Therapy

• Developed by a manic-depressive man who sought to understand his own struggles
• Rooted in the idea that living a life of conscience leads to inner peace and well-being
• Founder believes that conscience aligns with universal values across cultures and societies
• Involves owning up to personal shortcomings, even those considered shameful

The Power of Small Things

• Showing courtesy and kindness consistently builds relationships and strengthens bonds
• People are sensitive to sincerity, genuine warmth is more effective than superficial techniques
• Simple expressions like "please," "thank you," "I love you," and "How may I help?" can drastically improve interactions

The Importance of Win-Win

• Win-lose thinking is prevalent in negotiations and problem-solving
• It stems from societal scarcity mindset where one person's gain is another's loss
• To break free, embrace Win-Win or No Deal, where both parties benefit or there is no agreement
• This requires courage, creativity, and willingness to walk away if a mutually beneficial outcome isn't possible

Clarifying Expectations

• Miscommunication often arises due to unclear roles or conflicting goals
• Openly communicating expectations about responsibilities and priorities fosters understanding and respect
• Simple tools like flip charts can help visualize differences in perspectives and facilitate discussion

Loyalty to Those Not Present

• True loyalty involves speaking up for someone in their absence, even when others disagree
• Integrity is shown through consistent behavior, even when under pressure
• It demonstrates respect and trust, building stronger relationships for the future
• Loyalty is more impactful than trying to fit in with group opinions

Apologizing Sincerely

• A heartfelt apology acknowledges wrongdoing and demonstrates genuine remorse
• It involves taking responsibility for actions, even when driven by pride or anger
• True apology entails a shift in behavior and a willingness to change
• Forgiveness requires courage and empathy, allowing relationships to heal

Giving and Receiving Feedback

• Giving constructive feedback, even negative, is vital for personal and professional growth
• People often have blind spots they're unaware of, making feedback necessary
• Offer feedback by describing your own feelings and perceptions, avoiding accusations
• Receiving feedback with gratitude fosters a culture of open communication and learning

The Importance of Forgiveness

• Forgiveness involves letting go of anger and resentment, allowing for healing and moving forward
• It requires effort to reconcile with the past and rebuild trust
• An act of forgiveness can change relationships drastically, bringing back harmony and unity
• Forgiveness is a courageous act, showing strength and a commitment to growth### Building Trust
• Trust is a verb: Trust can be created through action, not just through being trustworthy.
• Belief in potential: When we believe in someone's potential, we inspire them to see it in themselves.
• Trust as motivation: Trust is a powerful motivator, it inspires people to live up to our expectations.

Love as a Verb

• Love as a verb: Love is not just a feeling, but also an action; it requires effort and sacrifice.
• Subordinate feelings to values: Proactive people prioritize their values over their feelings.
• Family as a source of trust: The family is the best place to give trust and communicate potential.

The Power of Forgiveness

• Forgiveness breaks the chain of causality: When we forgive someone, we take on the consequences of their actions.
• Forgiveness is a sacrifice: To forgive someone requires giving up resentment and anger.
• Focus on own mistakes: It's better to focus on our own mistakes and ask for forgiveness than to dwell on others' mistakes.

Improving Attitude

• Be an example of a positive attitude: Avoid negativity and criticism.
• Build relationships: Spend time with those who are negative to understand their perspective.
• Focus on skill development: Help people develop skills that align with their talents to improve their attitudes.

Motivation

• Model positive behavior: Be a role model and affirm others' worth and potential.
• Recognize intrinsic and extrinsic motivation: Both internal and external motivation are important.
• Positive reinforcement: Catch people doing things right and appreciate their contributions.

Technology and Relationships

• High-tech with high touch: Technology can be efficient, but relationships are essential.
• Strong relationships are necessary: Build strong relationships before relying solely on technology.
• Technology as a servant, not a master: Use technology as a tool, not as a replacement for human interaction.