Communication Styles

Communication Styles

• A questionnaire is used to identify your communication style; the style with the most checks is your dominant one
• It is not uncommon for people to use different styles depending on the situation and person they're communicating with
• Awareness of communication patterns is important because it allows you to choose how to communicate in different ways

Passive Communication

• Often involves not communicating verbally
• Emotions are bottled up out of fear of hurting others or making them uncomfortable
• Feelings or opinions are believed not to matter as much as those of others
• Those with a passive communication style usually fear confrontation
• Voicing opinions, beliefs, or emotions is believed to cause conflict
• The goal is usually to keep the peace and avoid conflict by suppressing emotions

Aggressive Communication

• Involves attempting to control others, prioritizing one's own way regardless of the cost to others
• Aggressive people communicating directly, but in a forceful, demanding, and possibly vicious way
• This can leave others feeling resentful, hurt, and afraid
• People using this style might get their way, but often at the expense of others and may later feel guilty, regretful, or ashamed

Passive-Aggressive Communication

• Like passive communicators, people with this style are afraid of confrontation and do not express themselves directly
• Due to their aggressive tendencies, their goal is to get their way
• They use indirect techniques to express their emotions more subtly, such as sarcasm, the silent treatment, or saying they'll do something for others but then “forgetting.”

Assertive Communication

• Involves expressing wishes, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a direct and honest way that is respectful of both oneself and others
• Attempting to get their own needs met while also trying to meet the needs of others as much as possible
• Involves listening and negotiating, so others choose to cooperate because they get something out of the interaction
• Others tend to respect and value assertive communicators because this style makes them feel respected and valued
• Is the way people with good self-esteem express themselves
• They feel good about themselves and recognize their right to express their opinions and feelings
• Being more assertive in communication improves how you feel and increases self-esteem, relationships, and interactions
• Becoming more assertive takes time and effort
• Communicating and acting assertively feels like acting aggressively, especially for those who have been more passive
• Learning to be assertive will be uncomfortable but is the healthiest way to communicate and leads to positive changes in relationships
• Messages received about emotions during upbringing shape thoughts and feelings about them
• Communication patterns are learned by observing others
• It can be challenging to be assertive if raised around passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive communicators

Guidelines for Assertive Communication

• Decide on priorities
• Ask for what you want in a way that doesn't damage the relationship
• Negotiate
• Obtain information
• Say no in a way that doesn't damage the relationship
• Act according to values and morals

Assertiveness

• Difficulties asserting themselves when they care about others, fearing damage to the relationship by expressing true needs and emotions
• Relationships suffer from a lack of assertiveness
• Address problems as they arise, rather than letting them pile up
• People avoid speaking up in relationships due to fear of consequences
• Worst outcome is the relationship ends, but resentment builds if problems aren't discussed
• Balance between giving, sharing, and sometimes making sacrifices, but also putting your own needs first or even asking others to make sacrifices

Different Types of Relationships

• An interpersonal relationship refers to the association, connection, interaction, and bond between two or more people

Family Relationships

• Our family or relatives are people we are connected through some form of kinship, whether it is through blood (such as with parents, brothers, and sisters), marriage (such as non-blood aunts and[ uncles or step-parents) romantic relationships (such as a parent's girlfriend or boyfriend) or adoption
• People should have strong relationships with their families, they should feel love and closeness for their relatives, and be able to confide in them and discuss personal things
• A key role of parents and older relatives is to offer guidance, support, and, where needed, boundaries and discipline
• The personal bond with a family can play a very important role in personal well being and the ability to form other kinds of relationships outside of the family unit such as friendships and romantic relationships

Friends

• Friends are people who we are not related to but choose to interact with
• Friends are people we trust, respect, care about and feel that we can confide in and want to spend time with
• A good friendship should be built on honesty, support and loyalty
• A friendship is a reciprocal relationship; for it to exist, both people must see each other as a friend
• Good friendships are mutually respectful and supportive and share common interests and ideas
• Some friendships can be close and some friends choose to greet each other by hugging or kissing on the cheek, other friendships may have no physical contact, or may simply shake hands
• Physically intimate or romantic contact is not appropriate in a friendship

Acquaintances

• Acquaintances are people you may encounter regularly, but who are not friends or relatives
• It is important to be polite and respectful to acquaintances and have harmonious relationships with people around you

Romantic Relationships

• A romantic relationship is one in which you feel very strongly attracted to the other person, both to their personality and, often, also physically
• This is reciprocated by the other person in the relationship
• A romantic relationship is that which exists between a boyfriend and girlfriend (in a heterosexual relationship)
• A romantic relationship is the closest form of relationship and the two people involved will often describe themselves as being attracted to each other and/or “in love”
• Successful Romantic relationships are built on love, trust, respect, support, acceptance, shared interests and a desire for the two people involved to share their lives together
• Sometimes arguments and disagreements occur in romantic relationships
• Arguments can be overcome through effective communication, understanding and compromise and relationships can be of varying duration.