Biblical Marriage Counseling Primer

A Theological Primer for Biblical Marriage Counseling

• This primer is for biblical marriage counseling.
• The author uses examples of couples, Travis and Britney, who have been married for over a dozen years.
• They have struggled with communication and understanding each other.

Marriage God's Way

• Couples fight because they miscommunicate.
• Couples fight because they misunderstand each other's roles and responsibilities.
• Biblical counseling for married couples involves a solution focused or soul-u-tion focused approach.
• Biblical communication principles and a biblical understanding of marital roles can be misused in self-centered ways.

Maturing as a Biblical Marriage Counselor

• Two common diagnoses of couples' marriage problems are:
  • We fight because we miscommunicate with each other.
  • We fight because we misunderstand each other.
• The author provides diagnosis and treatment solutions for the problems.
• Counselors can help couples discover the root cause of their problems and teach them how to apply biblical principles correctly.
• Self-centered marital goals versus gospel-centered marital goals need to be examined carefully by counselors for effective biblical counseling.

Seeing the Gospel-Centered Marital Foundation in Ephesians

• Ephesians 1:1–23 discusses glorifying God as the foremost goal of marriage
• Ephesians 2:1–3 discusses our total depravity and the need for God's grace in marriage
• Ephesians 5:21–33 is often the main passage that marriage counselors explore, but a deeper understanding of marriage comes from Ephesians 1–2 and following

Fall—Our Core Problem in Marriage

• Marital heart disease: Problems in the home begin with the problems in our heart.

Grace from God for Salvation and Sanctification

• For marital healing and growth, couples need a gospel-centered approach to view marriage.
• Grace is what is needed for biblical marriage, not self-improvement.
• Grace is the necessary foundation for salvation and sanctification in marriage.

God's Ultimate Purpose of Marriage: Glorifying God

• The ultimate purpose of marriage is to glorify God.
• Marriage can become a testament to the glory of God's grace.
• The Bible shows 3 ways that marriage glorifies God:
  • Representing Trinity.
  • Reflecting Christ and the church
  • Nurturing each other to be more like Christ

Oneness in Marriage Pillar #1: Leaving

• The couple should shift their core loyalty from parent to spouse.
• Leaving implies disengagement from previous allegiances and a mutual devotion toward each other

Oneness in Marriage Pillar #2: Cleaving

• The Hebrew word "united" implies permanence and continuous attachment.
• Cleaving emphasizes the commitment and bond between spouses.
• Practicing cleaving is dependent on responding to God's desire
• The desire for one's spouse, if misdirected, can be viewed as a demand rather than a need.

Oneness in Marriage Pillar #3: Weaving

• Weaving focuses on the merging of two separate individuals into one.
• It is meant to emphasize the unity and wholeness of marriage
• Husbands are to nourish and cherish their wives, supporting their every need
• Wives should respect their husbands

Oneness in Marriage Pillar #4: Receiving

• Accepting each other is vital, not needing to have a perfect spouse and not needing your spouse to complete you.
• Couples can become more like Christ by accepting each other's imperfections

A Gospel-Centered Application of the Four Pillars of Oneness in Marriage

• Every marriage should be a picture/representation of the Trinity
• Couples should use the scripture of Genesis 2:23-25 as a guide to address heart motivation
• Addressing the heart is primary

Exposing the Marital Log in My Eye

• Marriage counseling can help couples reconcile their inner sinfulness with God's grace.
• Diagnosing marital issues requires looking at one's own shortcomings rather than focusing on the shortcomings of one's spouse.
• Sin blinds us to the log in our own eye.

What Really Causes Our Marital Fights and Quarrels?

• James asks, "What causes fights and quarrels among you?" to emphasize that the source of relational conflict is found within the individual (a self-centered, sinful heart).

• The root source of marital conflict is self-centered desires, demands, and sin.

• Self-centered desires, demands, and sin in our heart.

God's Prescription for Marital Harmony: Relational Repentance

• Sinful behaviors in marriage like shame, blame, and claims are rooted in our self-centeredness.
• Repentance and relational shift is needed for harmony, rather than solely focusing on changing the behavior of a spouse.

Mind Renewal for Marital Renewal

• Renewal of the mind is needed to shift from self-centered desires to Christ's sacrificial love.
• God calls the married couple to be other-centered instead of self-centered and to live in grace love for each other

The Resurrection-to-Life Power behind Death-to-Self Marriage

• A reminder to couple that they must turn toward Christ for the power to live out a marriage of grace, not self-power.
• Repentance and resurrection are needed for a life-giving and fulfilling marriage.
• The power from God can transform marital conflict and restore a couple's relationship.

This quiz covers the foundational principles of biblical marriage counseling, including communication strategies and understanding marital roles. Utilizing case examples, it emphasizes the importance of effective dialogue and the common challenges couples face. Prepare to learn about diagnosis and treatment solutions for marital issues.