Chapter 3

Fundamental Basis of Attraction

• Attraction is influenced by rewards from others
• Direct rewards are evident pleasures like attention, acceptance, money, and good advice
• The more direct rewards, the greater the attraction
• Indirect rewards include kindness, good looks, and pleasant personalities that attract us subconsciously
• Instrumentality is the extent someone helps achieve current goals as the fundamental basis of attraction, according to Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick
• People are attracted to those who help fulfill current needs
• Attraction can change as needs are fulfilled
• People are drawn to those whose company is consistently rewarding

Proximity

• Relationships are more rewarding when people are physically and psychologically close
• Physical proximity and interpersonal attraction are closely connected

Familiarity and Repeated Contact

• Mere exposure to someone increases our liking for them
• Recognition of faces leads to increased liking
• Mere exposure effect is the psychological phenomenon where repeated exposure leads to preference
• Increased exposure to a stimulus results in increased liking, even without conscious awareness
• Familiarity has limits and can decrease liking if negative information is revealed

Physical Attractiveness

• Physical appearance matters as the first thing people notice
• Good-looking individuals are often perceived as more likable and better people
• "What is beautiful, is good" suggests attractive people are assumed to have desirable traits
• These judgments are automatic, with attractive faces triggering positive evaluations instantly
• Attractive individuals tend to earn more money and get promoted more often
• Attractive professors receive better teaching evaluations, and students attend their classes more frequently
• Attractive politicians are often judged as more competent
• Attractive people make better impressions in court and receive lower fines

Who Is Considered Pretty?

• Baby-faced features (large eyes, small nose, full lips) combined with mature features (cheekbones, narrow cheeks, broad smile, long eyelashes) are considered attractive in women
• Strong jaws and broad foreheads are generally seen as handsome in men
• Slightly feminine, baby-faced features that appear warm and friendly can be attractive in men as well
• Symmetrical faces are considered attractive
• Men prefer women with a waist-to-hip ratio (WHR) of 0.7 (hourglass shape)
• Men with broad shoulders and muscles with WHR of 0.9 are seen as attractive
• It is unattractive for men to be handsome but poor
• Scent and education are additional factors that matter
• Women who are single find rugged, manly features more attractive whereas women in a relationship show lower preferences for masculine features

Matching in Physical Attractiveness

• Partners in relationships tend to have similar levels of physical attractiveness
• The matching pattern suggests individuals end up with partners who are about as attractive as they are

Reciprocity

• Reciprocity involves liking people who like or appreciate us
• Expressing interest, kindness, or affection leads to positive feelings in return, creating a mutual positive reinforcement cycle
• Connections are likely to form with people who treat us well or express liking
• A moderately attractive partner who offers a reasonable chance of acceptance is most appealing
• A partner's desirability = physical attractiveness x probability of acceptance
• Mate value refers to overall attractiveness as a potential partner, based on qualities desirable for reproduction and long-term partnership

Similarity

• It is rewarding to like people who like us
• The best acceptance comes from selective potential partners
• "Birds of a feather flock together" suggests people with similar interests, values, and characteristics associate with each other
• People are naturally drawn to others who are like them in terms of personality, lifestyle, beliefs, or behaviors
• Like-minded people tend to stick together
• Demographic similarities: Age, sex, race, education, religion, and social class
• Marriage partners are likely to have similar levels of education
• More agreement in attitudes and values leads to more liking
• Agreeable, conscientious, emotionally stable personalities are easier to live with (OCEAN: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, Neuroticism)

Do Opposites Attract?

• The more two people have in common, the more they like each other
• Opposites do not typically attract
• Perceived similarity affects attraction more than actual similarity
• Perceived similarity: Even years into a relationship, people overestimate shared similarities

Stimulus-Value-Role (SVR) Theory

• Discovering dissimilarities can take time
• Relationships evolve through stimulus, value, and role stages
  • Stimulus stage: attraction to initial attributes like age, sex, and looks
  • Value stage: discovering similarities in values (music, movies)
  • Role stage: focusing on parenting, careers, and house cleaning
• Dissimilarities may become apparent later in relationships

What Do Men and Women Want?

• Three themes in evaluating potential mates:
  • Warmth and loyalty: being trustworthy, kind, supportive, and understanding
  • Attractiveness and vitality: being good-looking, sexy, and outgoing
  • Status and resources: being financially secure and living well
• Short-term flings: Both value being good-looking
• Long-term partners:
  • Women value warmth, loyalty, status, and resources
  • Men value warmth, loyalty, attractiveness, and vitality
• Preference for warmth and loyalty grows with age