Developing Soft Skills & Personality Lecture Notes PDF

Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 4 Module 1 Lecture 19 Professor T. Ravichandran Department of Humanities...

Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 4 Module 1 Lecture 19 Professor T. Ravichandran Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur  Breaking Bad Habits Stop the way you started it—in tiny bits. Reduce the frequency; increase the gap. Replacing a bad habit with a good habit Developing Good Habits Practice good habits that will free your brain and mind such as: 1. Not leaving any task uncompleted. 2. Unfinished task will hang heavy in your brain causing you less space for focussing and concentrating on new activities. Highlights 3. Avoid becoming serial-addicts. of the Good Habits and Success are inseparable Good habits make you indispensable and irreplaceable Last Lecture Some habits of highly successful people worth inculcating in you: 1. Be extremely hard working 2. Do the extra work with a smile, even if you don’t get paid. 3. Never look at your watch and work. Work till you complete, so that your mind stays calm and you can sleep peacefully each night. 5. Focus on the most important goal. 6. Never spend more time on something that can be completely avoided! 7. Concentrate 100%, you will finish it faster than the rest!  Comprehension Skills Reading Verbal Communication Listening Communication Writing Production Speaking Skills   Both listening and speaking are top skills for winning through GDs and Job Interviews.  The more one reads, the more one knows Communication  The more one writes, the more one reflects Skills are  The more one listens, the more one learns! Integrated  The more one listens, and the more one speaks, the more one communicates!  The more one communicates, the more successful one becomes!  Listening is an integral part of communication, though much ignored! Listening Communication and human relationships go hand in hand. Positive relationships can develop only on the degree and intensity of communication. The more intense a relationship, the more deep communication develops!  Speaking is Communication Good Speaking is Good Communication Misconceptions About Talkative people communicate Communication better than calm and silent people To be a good speaker, you don’t have to be a listener  Misconceptions About Listening  Only intelligent people can listen.  Fact: Active listening is a cultivated behavior.  Speaking is a more important than listening.  Fact: Both are equally important in effective communication.  Speaking consumes energy, not listening.  Fact: Active listeners spend as much energy as a speaker/jogger.  Listening is an unconscious process.  Fact: Listening is an active mental process; hearing is an involuntary act.  Speakers can make their audience listen to them 100 per cent.  Fact: Speakers cannot make their audience really listen.  Hearing is a  Listening is Physical activity a mental activity  Apart from just hearing, it Listening (horn sound, fan involves Reception, Versus Hearing sound, birds Selection, Organization, chirping, etc) Assimilation, Involves just Interpretation, Evaluation hearing and Response. The First Step in Becoming a Good Listener: Keep the Mind Open! “The mind is like a parachute— it functions only when it is open!” Students at the University of California were asked by Mr Agnew of the department of Medical History for their reaction to the following : "The father has syphilis, the mother tuberculosis. They have had four children—the first blind, the second died, the third was deaf and dumb, the fourth had tuberculosis. The mother is pregnant with her fifth child. The parents are willing to have an abortion. You have to make the decision." Most of the students voted in favour of abortion. Mr Agnew’s comment to them: The deaf musical composer and a child prodigy who gave his first public performance as a pianist when he was eight years old!  The Lesson? Listen without Prejudice!  Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 4 Module 2 Lecture 20 Professor T. Ravichandran Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur  Looked at listening as an integral part of communication. Cleared some misconceptions about listening. Like: To be a good speaker, you don’t have to be a listener. Highlights Only speaking consumes energy, not listening. of the Difference between hearing and listening. Last Lecture Hearing is physical, while listening is a mental activity that involves Reception, Selection, Organization, Assimilation, Interpretation, Evaluation and Response. The first step to become a good listener is to keep one’s mind open and free from any prejudice!  Effective Communication Research indicates that about 60% of listening is involved in Effective Communication. Only 25% of our listening capacity is used by us. People don’t remember 50% of what they heard within a gap of 8 hours! One of the major skills in effective communication is the ability to listen well. *Listening is the “receiving” part of communication. *It is receiving information through your ears and eyes. *Good listening is an active, integrated communication skill that demands energy and know-how. *It is purposeful, powerful and productive.  A Good Communicator A good communicator is essentially a good listener. She modulates various verbal/non-verbal symbols she displays depending on the feedback she gathers through simultaneous listening. She not only pays attention to the other person’s words but also to his tone and facial expressions and body language.   Active Listening is whole body listening!  The person is full of eyes and ears! What is Active  Eyes are focussed on the person talking; and Listening? look for body language to correlate with verbal meaning.  Ears listen carefully  Brain is receptive and reflects on what is being said  Mouth is shut  Hands and feet are still  Heart feels compassionate  The whole body is naturally inclined toward the speaker to show interest and empathy.  The speaker gets a feeling that she is given a careful, thoughtful attention and consideration!   Be courteous and considerate; treat the speaker like a How to favourite guest at home! Become an  Pay full attention: Concentrate and eliminate all distractions (environmental—your phone) Active  Don’t interrupt Listener?  Note down important points  Reflect Back: rephrase/restate in your own words, ensuring you have correctly understood, following closely  Minimise self-talk  Stay Focused  Keep asking questions   Never laugh or give a condescending or sarcastic smile! How to  Encourage: nod, smile, lean forward, look into the eyes of Become an the speaker, pat, hug Active That’s good; sounds good; Damn interesting! Listener?  Acknowledge efforts: How did you manage it? Wow. How could you do that? That was a wonderful idea! That was a spending job! Great work! You are a genius to have done it!  Use Silence: Silence is effective in making the customer open up; Use comforting calmness; you are calm but warm in your gesture (not silent but cold!)   Summarizing briefly helps you to show your concern and encourages the other person to continue. How to  Seek clarifications: When you don’t understand what the Become an other person is saying. Feel free to ask: Active “What do you mean to say?”, “Could you please make this point clear to me?” “I am sorry, I am not able to follow from Listener? the point when you said... “  Conclude by thanking the speaker and showing your appreciation; Nice talking to you; wonderful listening to you! I greatly appreciate the time you gave me!  Always, make the speaker leave with a good feeling!  Leave the dejected one with some hope!  Speak Less! Listen More!  Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 4 Module 3 Lecture 21 Professor T. Ravichandran Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur  Good Communication is Good Listening. Good listening is an active, integrated communication skill that demands energy and know-how. Highlights It is purposeful, powerful and productive. of the Active Listening: Whole body listening. Last Lecture Tips for becoming an active listener: Be courteous and considerate, Don’t interrupt Note down important points, Minimise self-talk Stay Focused, Encourage, Acknowledge efforts, Summarise, Seek Clarifications, Use Silence, Conclude with a good feeling.   Knowledge is power; knowing clearly saves lots of time, and saves things from damage.  Acting Listening is the key in successful personal and professional relationships. Importance  Mind you, it’s the quality of your relationships that determines the level of your success! of Active  AL has a great impact on your job effectiveness. Listening  It will help you to avoid miscommunication and conflicts.  Increases productivity  Improves persuasive and negotiation skills.  Physical Barriers: Outside noise, inside chats, poor acoustics, uncomfortable environment, message overload People-Related Barriers: Barriers to Physiological : health conditions, extreme Active heat or cold, speaker’s incoherence or manner Listening of talking Psychological: Antipathy for the speaker; preconceived notions, fixed mind-set, cognitive dissonance, personal stress/anxiety, impatience, intolerance.  Barriers to Active Listening  Inadequate language Base  Insufficient technical vocabulary  Combined with fear or shyness to seek clarifications 5  Barriers to Active Listening  Partial Listening Distracted with objects on the computer when talking over the phone  Reading something during a conversation 6  Barriers to Active Listening Disinterestedness  Lack of interest in the subject  Paying attention to other subjects  Students recall cricket score better than data shown on an educational video 7  Prejudging the Speaker/the Speech  Forming conclusion about the speech just by looking at the speaker’s dress, appearance, posture, etc  Gender & colour preferences  Status and Stereotypes affecting critical thinking  Barriers to Active Listening Negativity towards the Speaker  Underestimating the speaker’s capabilities  Showing animosity  Disapproving the speaker’s view points  Ending up in constructing distorted message 9  Barriers to Active Listening Diffidence  Suffers from a defeatist attitude  Undermines self-capabilities for fully understanding the subject  Students and conference participants suffer from this 10  Barriers to Active Listening Over-enthusiasm/Intolerance  Overenthusiastic to supply gaps in the speaker’s ideas  Intolerant to wait till the end of the speech  Advances questions and interferes quickly  Anxious to wind up the communication process 11  Deep-rooted Beliefs  Closed minds due to deep-rooted beliefs and convictions  Leads to superficial listening  Often causes disagreement with the speaker’s stance and view point  Can also cause positive bias and influence one’s ability to judge 12  Avoid positive bias/influence Evaluate the Message: “Our leader had an unhappy Childhood and little formal education. His father bitterly opposed his ambition to become an artist. Through self-education, he became the author of a book that became a national best seller. Obstacles do not discourage him. When others say, “It’s impossible,” he hurdles each barrier as it comes. He has built an active youth movement of selected young people. He is known throughout the world for his dynamic speeches. His closest associates say of him, “He accomplishes incredible deeds out of the passion of his will in order to create the kind of government he 13 believes in.”  The famous personality is... Adolf Hitler! 14 Speak in such a way that others love to listen to you. Listen in such a way that others love to speak to you.  Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 4 Module 4 Lecture 22 Professor T. Ravichandran Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur  Importance of Active Listening: Successful personal & professional relationships, gaining knowledge, job effectiveness, productivity, persuasive and negotiation skills Highlights Barriers to Active Listening: Physical of the Barriers; Last Lecture People-Related Barriers: Physiological, Psychological. Inadequate language base, partial listening, disinterestedness, prejudging, hatred/love for the speaker, diffidence, over-enthusiasm, intolerance, deep- rooted beliefs, positive bias/influence.  Why do you call someone on phone? Feel bored, just to pass time Curiosity: Find out what some one is doing Insecurity: nagging, checking, verifying Passing information Sharing good news Informing about events, appointments Giving bad news Telephone Discussing ideas Skills Office, routine business matter Call for help (security, police) Call for service (booking tickets, ordering food items) The calls you make, and the way you make them, tells who you are!  Whom do you avoid on phone? Why? Loaner? Enemy? Neighbour? Police? Investigation officer? Boss? Wife? Relative? Telephone Colleague? Skills Vendor? Client? Customer? The calls you avoid, and the way you avoid them, determines who you are!  Whom do you want to talk to on phone? Classmate? Friend? Lover? Teacher? Employer? Doctor? A Mentor? Any Well-Wisher? Telephone An Inspirer? A Patient? Skills A Student who needs your help? Astrologer? Stranger? The people you want to talk, and the way you talk to them, tells who you are!  Why phone calls are important? Paradoxial Reasons! They connect us to people. Make the human communication warm and alive. They can also disconnect people; leaving them cold and uncared for. While there are some who hate calling some people, there are others who love to get calls from them! A phone call could have avoided many suicides (Albert Camus’s The Fall) Telephone Not making a call could have made many Skills live happy lives! Hence, it is important to use phone calls wisely and effectively! Phone calls are important aspect of human communication: You can make or mar it!   Different from oral: person to person  If not prepared, ask the person to call again  Keep a pen and paper: Don’t miss important point , number  Right handed, place phone on left side; use right side for notes.  Smile, your voice will be different when you do it! Basic  Be patient Telephone  Time Keep on eye on it; don’t rush  Make the other person speak; don’t interrupt Skills  Never lose your temper  Don’t eat or chew or munch  Stop reading, typing  Verbal encouragement: I see, tell me more, go on, would you like to talk about it “People used what they called a telephone because they hated being close together and they were scared of being alone.” Chuck Palahniuk  Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 4 Module 5 Lecture 23 Professor T. Ravichandran Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur  Various aspects of telephone communication The calls you make, and the way you make them, tells who you are! The calls you avoid, and the way you avoid them, determines who you are! The people you want to talk, and the way you talk to them, tells who you are! Phone calls are important aspect of human communication: Highlights You can make or mar it! Different from oral: face to face communication of the Keep a pen and paper: Don’t miss important point, number Last Lecture Smile, your voice will be different when you do it! Be patient; don’t rush Make the other person speak; don’t interrupt Never lose your temper Don’t eat or chew or munch Stop reading, typing Verbal encouragement: I see, tell me more, go on... Interesting Features of Telephone Communication Most commonly used; and most commonly misused form of communication! Often the receiver’s response is taken for granted. Mostly for the reason that both the speakers cannot see each other. This is challenging because people presume so many things. Advanced A simple example: Let’s meet at 7 tomorrow. Telephone Where? In the park, during my walk. Skills Effectiveness needs clarity in communication and active listening.  Some Tips for Developing Advanced Skills Enunciate Clearly: Examples: “Lab staff” “10 Frogs” (medium size!) Let your voice radiate warmth, respect, helpfulness. If you represent a company, do not begin with “Hello”. Start with the name of the Advanced company, use polite greetings (Good Telephone Morning), add your name and offer to help. Skills Example: “Sterling Services. Good Morning. This is Ronita. How may I help you?  If you are in a key position to deal with many callers, and if you keep some simultaneous callers on hold, first ask for permission: May I keep you on hold for a moment ma’m? Will you please wait for a minute, Sir? Advanced when you get back, apologise: Telephone I apologise for keeping you on hold! Sorry to have kept you on waiting! Skills Or, Say Thanks: Thank you for holding! Thank you for you patience! Say it with a Smile— The receiver can actually feel it!  Organise Yourself Prepare yourself for the call (mentally, emotionally, physically) Keep mental/written notes ready; it saves time (human tendency to forget the most important and call again!) Organise Your Desk Keep your desk clean. Don’t pile things on phone! Keep the notepad and pen near the phone. Know your phone; practice & master the equipment Advanced Use speaker; but avoid for privacy Telephone When you make the call Skills Check the number before dialling Introduce yourself + polite greetings Be clear and concise. Say the right thing at the right time & end aptly.  While Ending Appreciate: That would be great! It was nice talking to you! Give Hope: I look forward to your call! I hope to see you in the party! Say Bye: Bye, see you soon! Have a nice day! When the receiver refuses to end! Advanced Politely Say that you have a meeting, class, appointment Telephone When you receive a call on somebody’s behalf Skills Note the details of the call, name of the person, date and time Purpose of the call, what action needs to be taken, when? Give such details if you leave a message in an answering machine.  Use a Format Telephone Notes Date __________________ Time ___________________ Advanced Message for ________________________________________ Telephone From _________________________________ Skills Message ______________________________________________ Contact Number _____________________________  Challenges! Delivering Unpleasant News Don’t beat around the bush! Get straight to the point State the reason, provide alternative solution Advanced SAY SORRY: I am afraid... I do apologise... Telephone IMPORTANT: You should earn the other’s respect! Skills  Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 4 Module 6 Lecture 24 Professor T. Ravichandran Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur  Advanced Telephone Skills Effectiveness needs clarity in communication and active listening. Highlights Enunciate Clearly: Frogs or Frocks; Lab staff or Lap tops? Steps involved in holding simultaneous calls of the Organizing yourself; organising the desk, knowing your Last Lecture equipment Norms for making phone calls properly Ending a call Noting important information by using a format Facing challenges like delivering bad news. IMPORTANT: You should earn the other’s respect!  More Challenges! Handling Difficult Callers! Be diplomatic. Give facts. Help to resolve problems. Essential Offer alternative solutions. SAY: PLEASE understand SORRY for the mistake Telephone THANK YOU for your understanding Skills Dealing with Anger! ✓ Be cool and calm throughout ✓ Use comforting silence & understanding pauses ✓ Offer help in whatever manner possible ✓ Never raise your voice, even if provoked ✓ Apologize for any inconvenience caused ✓ Identify the problem ✓ Offer possible solution ✓ Give compensation ✓ In case of abusive expressions, don’t get hurt! Essential ✓ Act Professionally and Proactively ✓ Empathise with the caller Telephone ✓ Get back with more help and better solutions Skills ✓ Promise to call back and follow-up ✓ Keep the promise!  Manage Your Voice Your voice can reveal whether you are Sad, sick, tired, frustrated, angry, annoyed, bored, disinterested, stressed, impatient OR Happy, helpful, smiling, cheerful, supportive, careful, empathetic, considerate, friendly. Essential Telephone Many people don’t know they have loud voices! Many are unaware that their voices are feeble! Skills You will gain confidence on practice Record your voice and listen to it Make yourself comfortable with your voice (Saying Sorry, Thank you, Welcome)  Be an Active Listener Show your involvement by listening sounds which substitute nods: hmm, okay, I see... Be Cheerful Feel Good, Sound Good and make the receiver feel Good! Know Your Caller Essential Try to figure out details of your caller: age, Telephone mood, health condition, designation Use appropriate title for addressing the caller Skills Replace Fear with Confidence Use initial fear to energise and stay focussed Gain confidence by repeating what you fear  Be Polite Know the difference between May I & Can I; Will you please/Can you please Use Could you? Would you? Please, Sorry, Thank you, Welcome Essential Avoid Jargons Avoid technical words, words known to small Telephone groups, difficult words Skills Anticipate Problems Give contingency to technical snags, delays, misunderstandings, flaring up of emotion  Remember: Each call is an opportunity to enhance your personality and the image of your organisation!  Remember: You should be the person any body wants to talk to; Not the one everybody wants to AVOID!  “For me, there is no day or night for music. I often work through the night -- without phone calls disturbing me.” A. R. Rahman