UNI101- Social Skills.pptx

College Success SUNDAY, Week 10 Healthy Lifestyle Let’s start with making some conversation! Find a NEW partner and both of you discuss a random question from: How did that feel? • Where do you think you are struggling in social situations? • Are there any social situations that make you fee...

College Success SUNDAY, Week 10 Healthy Lifestyle Let’s start with making some conversation! Find a NEW partner and both of you discuss a random question from: How did that feel? • Where do you think you are struggling in social situations? • Are there any social situations that make you feel anxious, upset, or nervous? • Do you avoid any specific social situations or actions? • What do you think will help you improve the skills you are struggling with? Eye ContactSo Important! Strategies for Maintaining Eye Contact Cultural Differences: Non-Verbal Communication Eye Contact Ex. US Americans typically shift eye contact while speaking—looking away from the listener and then looking back at his or her face every few seconds. Toward the end of our speaking turn, we make more direct eye contact with our listener to indicate that we are finishing up. W Head Movements and Posture/ Eye Contact • standing, sitting, squatting, and lying down Ex. Putting our hands on our hips is a nonverbal to make us look bigger and show assertiveness Ex. leaning back shows informality and indifference • US Americans typically shift eye contact while speaking—looking away from the listener and then looking back at his or her face every few seconds. Toward the end of our speaking turn, we make more direct eye contact with our listener to indicate that we are finishing up. Storytelling! Why is this so important? • Sharing personal stories can be a great way to build connections with people you meet. However, start small. Begin with a semi-personal story and see how they react (Wendler, 2020). • Daniel Wendler (2020) suggests making the story enjoyable by sharing what was going on in your head at the time, rather than simply the facts. It will help the listener experience the story and build a connection with you. • Once finished, rather than continue by telling another story, share the spotlight so that everyone gets a turn. Try again! This time, focus on making appropriate EYE CONTACT and focus on STORYTELLING! The ARE Method of starting a conversation! • Often, one of the most prominent struggles for people lacking social skills is starting a conversation, especially with people they are not familiar with. • Fleming (2013) details a helpful method for people who struggle with starting conversations. The ARE method can be used to initiate a conversation and gain an understanding of the person’s interests to facilitate a strong relationship. ARE Method ARE Example: • You: “Those exam questions were way different than I was expecting. I decided to study for the first time this semester, and I guess I studied all the wrong things! Did the test surprise you too?” • Other Person: “Definitely. I really focused all my studying on the Ottoman Empire and there wasn’t a single question about that!” • You: “I think I’m going to need to take advantage of the extra credit opportunity by going to one of the museums here in town. Do you have any recommendations on which is the best?” ARE Example: • You: “Pie for a wedding dessert! I’ve never seen that before, but it’s awesome. Can’t say I’ve ever been a big fan of wedding cake anyway. Are you?” • Other Person: “Nah, it’s always dry.” • You: “Exactly! I was once at wedding that just had a huge table of cookies and big glasses of milk and I thought that was a great idea too.” • Other Person: “Yeah, that would be great.” • You: “So how do you know the happy couple?” You try! Practice Scenarios: You are standing in front of someone in the ELA Café line and want to make conversation The person who initiates the conversation implements the ARE method  You try! Practice Scenarios: You are sitting in class waiting for the teacher to come and the person next to you strikes up a conversation The person who initiates the conversation implements the ARE method  You try! Practice Scenarios: You are sitting at the bus stop waiting for the AUIB bus (so it might be a while, ha!) and someone sits next to you. The person who initiates the conversation implements the ARE method  Now that you’ve established a connection, how do you keep it?? Barriers to Effective Listening Why is this important? Often our brain does not fully engage in listening as it can multitask and do so many other things while we can still appear like we are listening. riers to Effective Listening • Physiological noise – like if you had an illness that made communication more challenging • Psychological noise – for example depression might impact reception and processing which is critical in listening • Selective attention, which refers to our tendency to pay attention to the messages that benefit us in some way and filter others out. • Response preparation refers to our tendency to rehearse what we are going to say next while a speaker is still talking. • Examples of active listening •Brief verbal affirmation - "I appreciate the time you’ve taken to speak to me“ •Paraphrasing - "So, you want us to build the new school in the style of the old one?“ •Asking open-ended questions - "I understand you aren’t happy with your new car. What changes can we make to it?“ •Asking specific questions - "How many employees did you take on last year?“ •Mentioning similar situations - "I was in a similar situation after my previous company made me redundant.” (Be careful with this so it doesn’t become all about you!!) •Back Channel Cues-verbal and nonverbal signals we send while someone is talking and can consist of verbal cues like “uh-huh,” “oh,” and “right,” and/or nonverbal cues like direct eye contact, head nods, and leaning forward. • “I” Messages- “I” messages enable negotiators to let the subject know how he is making you feel, why you feel that way, and what the subject can do to remedy the situation. Practice time- again! ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #1: You’re talking to your friend about another person on your group project team, whom you are angry at because he/she is not committed to completing the task and as a result, has missed several study groups. You’re feeling somewhat frustrated and don’t really wish to “air your laundry” in public, but, at the same time you feel a real need to talk about it. (ACTIVE LISTENER- FRIEND) • Speaker - speaks for three minutes on how he or she feels • Listening- stays quiet while the first partner talks, just listening instead of speaking. • After the three minutes is up, the listener has one minute to recap what the speaker said (not agree, Practice time- again! ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #2: You’re talking to your friend who called to ask if you were okay. You have been tired and worn out for the last several weeks. You just don’t feel enthused about anything, and each day is not something you look forward to. You feel like you’re just going through the motions on everything you do. (ACTIVE LISTENER- FRIEND) • Speaker - speaks for three minutes on how he or she feels • Listening- stays quiet while the first partner talks, just listening instead of speaking. • After the three minutes is up, the listener has one minute to recap what the speaker said (not agree, disagree, or debate, just recap) Practice time- again! ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #3 You’re talking to a friend that you feel somewhat slighted by because he/she hasn’t gotten together with you recently and hasn’t returned calls or texts you’ve left on her phone. You’re worried that you upset them somehow, but you’re not sure what you might have done. (ACTIVE LISTENERFRIEND) ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #4 You’re talking with a friend about the day you had. You had an accident on the way to school, causing you to be late and you got yelled How did that feel? Which strategies did you try? Quiz Time! • What does the ARE method for conversation stand for? • What is perception checking? How do you form your statement? • What is an example of an ‘I’ statement? • What are back channeling cues?