Today Matters: 12 Daily Practices 2004 PDF

© 2004 by John C. Maxwell. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review. Warner Faith Hachette Book Group 237 Park Avenue New York, NY 1017 Visit our Web site at www.HachetteBookGroup.com The Warner Faith name and logo are registered trademarks of Hachette Book Group. First eBook Edition: May 2004 ISBN: 978-1-599-95206-2 Scriptures noted NKJV are taken from THE NEW KING JAMES VERSION. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers. Scriptures noted NRSV are taken from THE NEW REVISED STANDARD VERSION of the Bible. Copyright © 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of The Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. All rights reserved. Scriptures noted NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1972, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scriptures noted NIV are taken from the HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Scriptures noted The Message are taken from The Message: The New Testament in Contemporary English. Copyright © 1993 by Eugene H. Peterson. Contents Acknowledgments Just for Today... CHAPTER 1: Today Often Falls to Pieces— What Is the Missing Piece? CHAPTER 2: Today Can Become a Masterpiece CHAPTER 3: Today’s ATTITUDE Gives Me Possibilities CHAPTER 4: Today’s PRIORITIES Give Me Focus CHAPTER 5: Today’s HEALTH Gives Me Strength CHAPTER 6: Today’s FAMILY Gives Me Stability CHAPTER 7: Today’s THINKING Gives Me an Advantage CHAPTER 8: Today’s COMMITMENT Gives Me Tenacity CHAPTER 9: Today’s FINANCES Give Me Options CHAPTER 10: Today’s FAITH Gives Me Peace CHAPTER 11: Today’s RELATIONSHIPS Give Me Fulfillment CHAPTER 12: Today’s GENEROSITY Gives Me Significance CHAPTER 13: Today’s VALUES Give Me Direction CHAPTER 14: Today’s GROWTH Gives Me Potential Conclusion: Making Today Matter Notes About the Author Today Matters is dedicated to Madeline Elizabeth Miller, our first grandchild. Her mother is the apple of my eye, and Madeline is our sunshine. As she grows, it is our desire that she value the potential of each of her days. Acknowledgments I’d like to say thank you to: Margaret Maxwell, who makes every day of my life a masterpiece; Charlie Wetzel, my writer; Kathie Wheat, who does my research; Stephanie Wetzel, who proofs and edits every manuscript page; and Linda Eggers, my assistant. Just for Today... Just for today... I will choose and display the right attitudes. Just for today... I will determine and act on important priorities. Just for today... I will know and follow healthy guidelines. Just for today... I will communicate with and care for my family. Just for today... I will practice and develop good thinking. Just for today... I will make and keep proper commitments. Just for today... I will earn and properly manage finances. Just for today... I will deepen and live out my faith. Just for today... I will initiate and invest in solid relationships. Just for today... I will plan for and model generosity. Just for today... I will embrace and practice good values. Just for today... I will seek and experience improvements. Just for today... I will act on these decisions and practice these disciplines, and Then one day... I will see the compounding results of a day lived well. CHAPTER 1 Today Often Falls to Pieces— What Is the Missing Piece? A few weeks ago I was going through a box of old books in the basement looking for something to read to my grandchildren, and I came across a book my wife, Margaret, and I used to read to my daughter, Elizabeth, when she was little. It’s called Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. It’s the story of a little boy whose day falls to pieces. It begins, I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard... and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.1 From there, Alexander’s day just keeps getting worse as he goes to school, finds himself at the dentist’s office, and has to go shopping for clothes with his mother. He has a miserable day. Even the family cat seems to be against him. What Is the Missing Piece? Our kids always liked Viorst’s book. And I think we adults had as much fun reading little Alexander’s grumpy complaints as they did listening. But it’s no fun when your own day feels like Alexander’s. Who looks forward to a day filled with obstacles, trials, and setbacks, where each bend in the road seems to hold something worse? When it comes to approaching the day, we often are more like Alexander than we would care to admit. We may not wake up with gum in our hair or feel that our family and friends are out to get us, but our days often fall to pieces. And, as a result, they seem like very bad days. How often do you have a great day? Is it the norm or the rare exception for you? Take today, for example. How would you rate it? So far, has today been a great day? Or has it been less than wonderful? Perhaps you haven’t even thought about it until now. If I asked you to rate today on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being perfect), would you even know how to score it? Upon what would you base your rating? Would it depend on how you feel? Would it be determined by how many items you’ve checked off your to-do list? Would you score your day according to how much time you’ve spent with someone you love? How do you define success for today? How Does Today Impact Tomorrow’s Success? Everyone wants to have a good day, but not many people know what a good day looks like—much less how to create one. And even fewer people understand how the way you live today impacts your tomorrow. Why is that? The root of the problem is that most people misunderstand success. If we have a faulty view of success, we take a faulty approach to our day. As a result, today falls to pieces. Look at these common misconceptions concerning success and the responses that often go with them: WE BELIEVE SUCCESS IS IMPOSSIBLE— SO WE CRITICIZE IT Psychiatrist M. Scott Peck opened his best-selling book The Road Less Traveled with the words “Life is difficult.” He went on to say, “Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly... about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy.”2 Because we want to believe life should be easy, we sometimes assume anything that’s difficult must be impossible. When success eludes us, we are tempted to throw in the towel and assume it’s unattainable. That’s when we begin to criticize it. We say, “Who wants success anyway?!” And if success is achieved by anyone whom we consider less worthy than ourselves, then we really get steamed. Like journalist and short-story writer Ambrose Bierce, we see success as “the one unpardonable sin against one’s fellows.”3 WE BELIEVE SUCCESS IS MYSTICAL— SO WE SEARCH FOR IT If success has escaped us, yet we haven’t entirely given up on it, then we often see it as a big mystery. We believe that all we have to do to succeed is find the magic formula, silver bullet, or golden key that will solve all our problems. That’s why there are so many diet books on the best-seller lists and so many management fads employed in corporate offices each year. The problem is that we want the rewards of success without paying the price. Seth Godin, author of Permission Marketing, recently wrote about this problem in the business world. He believes that business leaders frequently look for quick fixes for their companies. But he admonishes that “we need to stop shopping for lightning bolts.” “You don’t win an Olympic gold medal with a few weeks of intensive training,” says Godin. “There’s no such thing as an overnight opera sensation. Great law firms or design companies don’t spring up overnight.... Every great company, every great brand, and every great career has been built in exactly the same way: bit by bit, step by step, little by little.”4 There is no magic solution to success. WE BELIEVE SUCCESS COMES FROM LUCK— SO WE HOPE FOR IT How many times have you heard people say something like “He was just in the right place at the right time” to explain away someone else’s success? It’s a myth, just like the idea of the overnight success. The chances of becoming a success due to luck are about as good as of winning the lottery—50 million to 1. Every now and then, we hear about a Hollywood star who was discovered while working as a drugstore clerk or an athlete drafted by a pro team even though he didn’t begin playing the sport until late in high school and we get excited. What luck, we think. That could happen to me! But those are rare occurrences. For every person who makes it under such circumstances, there are thousands and thousands of people who have spent a dozen years toiling at a craft to get their chance. And there are tens of thousands more who have put in the years of work but who still aren’t good enough to make it. When it comes to success, you’re better off hopping to it than hoping for it. WE BELIEVE SUCCESS IS PRODUCTIVITY— SO WE WORK FOR IT I once saw a sign posted in a small business that said, The 57 Rules of Success #1 Deliver the goods. #2 The other 56 don’t matter. There’s something about working hard and producing results that feels very rewarding. And many people regard that feeling so highly that they define it as success. Former U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt observed, “Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.” But seeing hard work as success is one-dimensional. (Is a day that contains no work unsuccessful? Is someone who retires unsuccessful?) Besides, it’s not always true. A strong work ethic is an admirable trait, but hard work alone doesn’t bring success. There are plenty of people who work hard and never see success. Some people give their energy to dead-end jobs. Others work so hard that they neglect important relationships, ruin their health, or burn out. Success may not come to those who don’t work hard, but hard work and success are not one and the same. WE BELIEVE SUCCESS COMES FROM AN OPPORTUNITY—SO WE WAIT FOR IT Many of the people who work very hard yet don’t seem to get anywhere believe that the only thing they need is a break. Their motto begins with the words “if only.” If only my boss would cut me some slack... If only I could get a promotion... If only I had some start-up capital... If only my kids would behave... then life would be perfect. The truth is that people who do nothing more than wait for an opportunity won’t be ready to capitalize on one if it does appear. As basketball legend John Wooden says, “When opportunity comes, it’s too late to prepare.” And for those who receive their wish—of a promotion, start-up money, or anything else—it rarely changes anything in the long term if they haven’t already done all the groundwork to be successful. “When opportunity comes, it’s too late to prepare.” —JOHN WOODEN Besides, we’re all fickle. The thing we believe will solve our problems or make us happy isn’t lasting. It’s like when I was eight years old and I said, “If only I had a new bike.” When Christmas rolled around, I got my new Schwinn with all the bells and whistles. And I loved it—for about a month. Then I had a new “if only” that I thought would make me happy. An opportunity may help you, but it won’t guarantee your success. WE BELIEVE SUCCESS COMES FROM LEVERAGE— SO WE POWER UP FOR IT Some people associate success with power. Their viewpoint is reinforced by the words of powerful people like industrialist Andrew Carnegie, who asserted, “Success is the power with which to acquire whatever one demands of life without violating the rights of others.” Many people take their view of success and power one step further, assuming that successful people have taken advantage of others to get where they are. So to get what they want, they look for an angle to exploit or for leverage over someone else. They believe they can force their way to success. Saddam Hussein, Iraq’s longtime dictator, took that approach by using power, manipulation, and brute force. He got his start politically as an enforcer. He committed murder for the Ba’ath Party in order to rise through its ranks, eventually becoming vice president of Iraq following a coup by the Ba’aths. When Hussein grew unsatisfied with serving as vice president, he simply seized power and made himself president. For decades he used torture, oppression, and murder to retain power. His vision was to become the hero of the Middle East, its unifying ruler, a modern- day Nebuchadnezzar. But like all people who use and abuse power to get ahead —whether an arrogant corporate CEO or a bloody dictator—he failed in the end. No amount of power, no matter how ruthlessly wielded, can guarantee success. WE BELIEVE SUCCESS COMES FROM CONNECTIONS— SO WE NETWORK FOR IT Which do you think is more important for getting what you want in life: what you know or who you know? If you believe the answer is who, then you probably believe that success comes from connections. People who believe in connections think they would have it made if only they had been born into the right family. Or they think their fortunes would suddenly improve if they met the right person. But those beliefs are misplaced. Relationships are certainly satisfying. And knowing good people has its rewards. But connections alone will neither improve the life of someone who is off track nor guarantee success. If they did, the children of every successful businessperson would have it made. And the siblings of every U.S. president would be highly successful. But you know that’s not true. Remember Billy Carter? Ultimately, no one can network himself to success unless he has something to offer in the first place. WE BELIEVE SUCCESS COMES FROM RECOGNITION— SO WE STRIVE FOR IT In your profession, is there a sure sign that you’ve made it? Would your peers be impressed if you were recognized by Fortune magazine, became a chess grand champion, or won the Lombardi Trophy? If you were named teacher of the year or awarded an honorary doctorate by a prestigious university, would that mean success? Perhaps you have quiet dreams of someday winning an Oscar, an Emmy, or a Grammy. Or do you picture yourself accepting a Pulitzer prize, Fields Medal, or Nobel prize? Every profession or discipline has its own form of recognition. Are you striving to achieve recognition in yours? In France, a nation of food lovers where chefs receive the highest honors, one of the highest marks of recognition anyone can receive is a three-star rating for his restaurant from the Michelin guide. At present, only twenty-five restaurants in all of France hold that honor. One of them is an establishment in the Burgundy region owned by Bernard Loiseau called the Côte d’Or. For decades, Chef Loiseau was said to be obsessed with creating the perfect restaurant and receiving the highest rating awarded by Michelin. He worked tirelessly; it takes great work to earn even a two-star rating, but Loiseau achieved it in 1981. And then he worked harder. He perfected each dish on his menu. He improved the restaurant’s service. And he went $5 million in debt to improve and expand his facility. And finally, in 1991, he received his third star. He had accomplished what only a handful of others could. “We are selling dreams,” he once said. “We are merchants of happiness.”5 But the recognition he received didn’t keep him happy. In the spring of 2003, after the lunch service, he committed suicide by shooting himself. He didn’t warn anyone, nor did he leave a note. Some say he was disconsolate because his rating in another restaurant guide had fallen from nineteen to seventeen (out of twenty). Others described him as a manic-depressive. No one will ever know why he killed himself, but we can be sure that the great recognition he had received in his profession wasn’t enough for him. WE BELIEVE SUCCESS IS AN EVENT— SO WE SCHEDULE IT I’ve dedicated more than thirty years of my life to speaking at events and putting on conferences to help people be more successful and become better leaders. But I’m very realistic about the limited impact an event can make in a person’s life, and I frequently remind conference attendees of those limitations. Events are great places for receiving inspiration and encouragement. They often prompt us to make important decisions to change. And they can even provide knowledge and tools to get us started. However, real, sustainable change doesn’t happen in a moment. It’s a process. Knowing that has always compelled me to write books and record lessons so that people who have made the decision to change have access to tools they can use after the event to help facilitate the process. Real, sustainable change doesn’t happen in a moment. It’s a process. We use that process orientation at EQUIP, the nonprofit organization I founded in 1996 with the goal of training and resourcing one million leaders overseas. We don’t simply drop in, put on an event, and disappear. We use a three-year strategy. We begin by translating books and lessons into the local language. After the first teaching event, we give leaders books and tapes to use for their ongoing growth. And teams go back to the country every six months to teach more skills and follow up with leaders. Don’t get me wrong. Events can be very helpful—as long as we understand what they can and cannot do for us. I want to encourage you to attend events that can be catalysts for change in your life. Just don’t expect them to suddenly bring you success. Growth comes from making decisions and following through on them. And that’s what this book is all about. Today Matters People create success in their lives by focusing on today. It may sound trite, but today is the only time you have. It’s too late for yesterday. And you can’t depend on tomorrow. That’s why today matters. Most of the time we miss that. Why? Because... WE OVEREXAGGERATE YESTERDAY Our past successes and failures often look bigger to us in hindsight than they really were. Some people never get over their past accomplishments: the high school basketball stars or homecoming queens look back at their glory days and define themselves by those accomplishments for the next two decades. The person who receives a patent for an invention might live off the proceeds for the rest of his life and never work another day. A salesperson stays in a five-year slump after being recognized as Employee of the Year. Why? Because he’d rather spend more time thinking about when he was at the top instead of trying to reach that level again. It may sound trite, but today is the only time you have. It’s too late for yesterday. And you can’t depend on tomorrow. That’s why today matters. Even worse are the people who exaggerate what they could have done. You’ve probably heard the saying “The older I am, the better I was.” It’s a curious phenomenon: People who were mediocre high school athletes reach their thirties, and they suddenly believe they could have gone pro. Average businesspeople in dead-end careers at forty believe they could have been Wall Street tycoons if only they had been given a chance. Almost any opportunity that went unpursued looks golden now that it’s too late to go after it. Then there are the people whose negative experiences shape them for their entire lives. They relive every rejection, failure, and injury they’ve received. And they let those incidents tie them into emotional knots. My friend’s mother still laments that on her fifth birthday, her father gave the best lollipop to her younger sister instead of to her as a present. It still bothers her—and she’s eighty-three years old! For years I kept a sign on my desk that helped me maintain the right perspective concerning yesterday. It simply said, “Yesterday Ended Last Night.” It reminded me that no matter how badly I might have failed in the past, it’s done, and today is a new day. Conversely, no matter what goals I may have accomplished or awards I may have received, they have little direct impact on what I do today. I can’t celebrate my way to success either. Yesterday ended last night. WE OVERESTIMATE TOMORROW What is your attitude toward the future? What do you expect it to hold? Do you think things will get better or worse for you? Answer the following questions related to your expectations for the coming two to three years: 1. Do you expect your annual income to go up or down? Up / Down 2. Do you expect your net worth to increase or decrease? Increase / Decrease 3. Do you expect to have more or fewer opportunities? More / Fewer 4. Do you expect your marriage (or most significant relationship) to get better or worse? Better / Worse 5. Do you expect to have more or fewer friendships? More / Fewer 6. Do you expect your faith to be stronger or weaker? Stronger / Weaker 7. Do you expect to be in better or worse physical condition? Better / Worse If you’re like most people, your answers reflect that you expect the days ahead to be better. Now, let me ask you one more question: Why do you think that? Is your expectation based on anything other than a vague hope that your life will get better? I trust it is. For many people, it’s not. They just figure that tomorrow is bound to be better, but they have no strategy for making it better. In fact, the worse some people feel about today, the more they exaggerate how good tomorrow is likely to be. They have a lottery mind-set. Pulitzer prize-winning journalist William Allen White observed, “Multitudes of people have failed to live for today. They have spent their lives reaching for the future. What they have had within their grasp today they have missed entirely, because only the future has intrigued them... and the first thing they knew the future became the past.” Hoping for a good future without investing in today is like a farmer waiting for a crop without ever planting any seed. WE UNDERESTIMATE TODAY Have you ever asked someone what he was doing and heard him respond, “Oh, I’m just killing time”? Have you ever really thought about that statement? A person might as well say, “I’m throwing away my life” or “I’m killing myself,” because, as Benjamin Franklin asserted, time is “the stuff life is made of.” Today is the only time we have within our grasp, yet many people let it slip through their fingers. They recognize neither today’s value nor its potential. A friend named Dale Witherington recently e-mailed to me a poem he wrote called “The Lifebuilder’s Creed.” In part, this is what it says: Today is the most important day of my life. Yesterday with its successes and victories, struggles and failures is gone forever. The past is past. Done. Finished. I cannot relive it. I cannot go back and change it. But I will learn from it and improve my Today. Today. This moment. NOW. It is God’s gift to me and it is all that I have. Tomorrow with all its joys and sorrows, triumphs and troubles isn’t here yet. Indeed, tomorrow may never come. Therefore, I will not worry about tomorrow. Today is what God has entrusted to me. It is all that I have. I will do my best in it. I will demonstrate the best of me in it— my character, giftedness, and abilities— to my family and friends, clients and associates. I will identify those things that are most important to do Today, and those things I will do until they are done. And when this day is done I will look back with satisfaction at that which I have accomplished. Then, and only then, will I plan my tomorrow, Looking to improve upon Today, with God’s help. Then I shall go to sleep in peace... content.6 The Missing Piece Has Been Discovered! If we want to do something with our lives, then we must focus on today. That’s where tomorrow’s success lies. But how do you win today? How do you make today a great day instead of one that falls to pieces? Here’s the missing piece: The secret of your success is determined by your daily agenda. The secret of your success is determined by your daily agenda. How would you like every day to... Possess possibilities? Remain focused? Enjoy good health? Exhibit stability? Hold an advantage? Possess tenacity? Exercise options? Sense inner peace? Experience fulfillment? Feel significant? Receive direction? Learn and grow? Wouldn’t that make today a great day? It all comes down to what you do today. When I talk about your daily “agenda,” I don’t mean your to-do list. Nor am I asking you to adopt a particular kind of calendar or computer program to manage your time. I’m focusing on something bigger. I want you to embrace what may be a whole new approach to life. Make the Decision Once... Then Manage It Daily There are only a handful of important decisions people need to make in their entire lifetimes. Does that surprise you? Most people complicate life and get bogged down in decision making. My goal has always been to make it as simple as possible. I’ve boiled the big decisions down to twelve things. Once I’ve made those decisions, all I have to do is manage how I’ll follow through on them. Successful people make right decisions early and manage those decisions daily. If you make decisions in those key areas once and for all—and then manage those decisions daily—you can create the kind of tomorrow you desire. Successful people make right decisions early and manage those decisions daily. The earlier you make those right decisions and the longer you manage them, the more successful you can become. The people who neglect to make those decisions and to manage them well often look back on their lives with pain and regret—no matter how much talent they possessed or how many opportunities they once had. Regret in the End A classic example of such a person was Oscar Wilde. A poet, playwright, novelist, and critic, Wilde was a man of unlimited potential. Born in 1854, he won scholarships and was educated in Britain’s best schools. He excelled in Greek, winning the Gold Medal at Trinity College for his studies. He was awarded the Newdigate Prize and was honored as “First in Greats” at Oxford. His plays were popular, earned him lots of money, and he was the toast of London. His talent seemed limitless. Karen Kenyon, writer for British Heritage magazine, called Wilde “our most quotable writer” after Shakespeare.7 Yet at the end of his life, he was broken and miserable. His wanton living landed him in prison. From jail, he wrote a perspective on his life. In it, he said, I must say to myself that I ruined myself, and that nobody great or small can be ruined except by his own hand. I am quite ready to say so. I am trying to say so, though they may not think it at the present moment. This pitiless indictment I bring without pity against myself. Terrible as was what the world did to me, what I did to myself was far more terrible still. I was a man who stood in symbolic relations to the art and culture of my age. I had realised this for myself at the very dawn of my manhood, and had forced my age to realise it afterwards. Few men hold such a position in their own lifetime, and have it so acknowledged. It is usually discerned, if discerned at all, by the historian, or the critic, long after both the man and his age have passed away. With me it was different. I felt it myself, and made others feel it. Byron was a symbolic figure, but his relations were to the passion of his age and its weariness of passion. Mine were to something more noble, more permanent, of more vital issue, of larger scope. The gods had given me almost everything. But I let myself be lured into long spells of senseless and sensual ease. I amused myself with being a FLANEUR, a dandy, a man of fashion. I surrounded myself with the smaller natures and the meaner minds. I became the spendthrift of my own genius, and to waste an eternal youth gave me a curious joy. Tired of being on the heights, I deliberately went to the depths in the search for new sensation. What the paradox was to me in the sphere of thought, perversity became to me in the sphere of passion. Desire, at the end, was a malady, or a madness, or both. I grew careless of the lives of others. I took pleasure where it pleased me, and passed on. I forgot that every little action of the common day makes or unmakes character, and that therefore what one has done in the secret chamber one has some day to cry aloud on the housetop. I ceased to be lord over myself. I was no longer the captain of my soul, and did not know it. I allowed pleasure to dominate me. I ended in horrible disgrace. There is only one thing for me now, absolute humility.8 (emphasis added) By the time Wilde saw where his inattention to the day was going to land him, it was too late. He lost his family, his fortune, his self-respect, and his will to live. He died bankrupt and broken at age forty-six. “One today is worth two tomorrows; what I am to be, I am now becoming.” —BENJAMIN FRANKLIN I believe that everyone has the power to impact the outcome of his life. The way to do it is to focus on today. Benjamin Franklin rightly observed, “One today is worth two tomorrows; what I am to be, I am now becoming.” You can make today a good day. In fact, you can make it a masterpiece. That is the subject of the next chapter. CHAPTER 2 Today Can Become a Masterpiece How would you describe your life? Are you achieving what you desire? Are you accomplishing the things that are important to you? Do you consider yourself a success? How do your prospects look for the future? If I could come to your house and spend just one day with you, I would be able to tell whether or not you will be successful. You could pick the day. If I got up with you in the morning and went through the day with you, watching you for twenty-four hours, I could tell in what direction your life is headed. When I tell this to people at conferences, there’s always a strong reaction. Some people are surprised. Some get defensive because they think I would be making a snap judgment about them. A few get ticked off because they think my claim sounds arrogant. Others are simply intrigued and desire to know why I make such a statement. The Advantage of Today The answer lies in what I mentioned in the previous chapter. The secret of your success is determined by your daily agenda. If you make a few key decisions and then manage them well in your daily agenda, you will succeed. You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. You see, success doesn’t just suddenly occur one day in someone’s life. For that matter, neither does failure. Each is a process. Every day of your life is merely preparation for the next. What you become is the result of what you do today. In other words... YOU ARE PREPARING FOR SOMETHING The way you live your life today is preparing you for your tomorrow. The question is, What are you preparing for? Are you grooming yourself for success or failure? As my father used to tell me when I was growing up, “You can pay now and play later, or you can play now and pay later. But either way, you are going to pay.” The idea was that you can play and take it easy and do what you want today, but if you do, your life will be harder later. However, if you work hard now, on the front end, then you will reap rewards in the future. It’s the old ant and grasshopper story. During the summer and fall, the ant is constantly working, gathering food. Meanwhile, the grasshopper is playing all summer long. When winter’s chill sets in, the ant retires to his home and enjoys life. He’s paid the price for his leisure. But now it’s time for the grasshopper, who played on the front end, to pay a price. He starves out in the cold because he has been preparing to fail, not succeed. He doesn’t understand that the only adequate preparation for tomorrow is the right use of today. The only adequate preparation for tomorrow is the right use of today. One of the ways I “pay” today so that I can have a better tomorrow comes in my practice of filing away quotes and thoughts. From the time I was seventeen, I knew I was going to become a pastor. I knew that meant I would be writing and speaking to people every week of my life. If you’ve ever needed to write and present more than one hundred new lessons in a year, you know how hard it is to find good fresh material for an audience. In 1964, I started the regular discipline of reading with an eye for finding good quotes, ideas, and illustrations for sermons and lessons. As I found good material (on any subject), I’d cut it out, decide what topic best described it, and file it away. That’s something I have done every day for forty years! Is it fun to do? Not especially. Often the practice is quite tedious. Does it work? Absolutely. The twelve hundred files in my office containing thousands of quotes are evidence of its success. Any time I need to write a lecture or want to work on a chapter for a book, instead of spending countless hours over the course of several weeks searching for high-quality material, I go to my files, and in minutes I put my hands on great quotes and stories I’ve collected. I simply look at reading and filing as a price I pay every day to make tomorrow better. It’s a way of preparing to succeed. PREPARATION TODAY GIVES CONFIDENCE TOMORROW I always try to look at today as preparation for the future, and as a result it paves the way for my success tomorrow. One benefit of that mind-set is confidence. When you were in school, did you ever study so well for an exam that you walked into the classroom with absolute confidence, knowing you would ace the test? Or have you ever rehearsed a song or practiced a basketball shot so thoroughly that you just knew you would be able to deliver at crunch time? You can bring that same kind of confidence to your everyday life, if you keep in mind that today matters. Legendary New York Jets quarterback Joe Namath explained it this way: “What I do is prepare myself until I know I can do what I have to do.” When you invest in today, it’s like putting money in the bank. It’s like studying for the test of tomorrow. You’re just better prepared to meet life’s challenges. PREPARATION TODAY GIVES SUCCESS TOMORROW Not long ago I was chatting with John Kotter, the Harvard Business School professor and author of Leading Change. We were preparing to speak at a simulcast to thousands of businesspeople, and I told him about the idea for Today Matters. His response was, “Most people don’t lead their own lives—they accept their lives.” I believe that is true. “Most people don’t lead their own lives—they accept their lives.” —JOHN KOTTER Unfortunately, many people approach their lives very passively. They take a reactive approach to living instead of a proactive one. It’s as if they’re waiting for something. But life is not a dress rehearsal. You won’t get a second chance to relive today! I believe that everyone chooses how to approach life. If you’re proactive, you focus on preparing. If you’re reactive, you end up focusing on repairing. Preparing Repairing Lets you focus on today Makes you focus on yesterday Increases efficiency Consumes time Increases confidence Breeds discouragement Saves money Increases costs Pays now for tomorrow Pays now for yesterday Takes you to a higher level Becomes an obstacle to growth To become a preparer, heed the advice of nineteenth-century British prime minister Benjamin Disraeli, who said, “The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his time when it comes.” “The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his time when it comes.” —BENJAMIN DISRAELI The Makings of a Masterpiece In February of 2003, I fulfilled a lifelong dream. I was privileged to spend some time with one of my idols: John Wooden, UCLA’s Hall of Fame basketball coach. I’ll tell you more about that later. One of Wooden’s sayings provides the missing piece for how we should handle today. He frequently exhorted his players to make each day their masterpiece: When I was teaching basketball, I urged my players to try their hardest to improve on that very day, to make that practice a masterpiece. Too often we get distracted by what is outside our control. You can’t do anything about yesterday. The door to the past has been shut and the key thrown away. You can do nothing about tomorrow. It is yet to come. However, tomorrow is in large part determined by what you do today. So make today a masterpiece.... This rule is even more important in life than in basketball. You have to apply yourself each day to become a little better. By applying yourself to the task of becoming a little better each and every day over a period of time, you will become a lot better. Only then will you be able to approach being the best you can be.1 Isn’t the idea of making today a masterpiece appealing? The question is, How? What does it take? I believe there are two ingredients necessary to make every day a masterpiece: decisions and discipline. They are like two sides of the same coin; you could call them “goal setting” and “goal getting.” And they can’t be separated because one is worthless without the other. I say that because... Good Decisions - Daily Discipline = A Plan without a Payoff Daily Discipline - Good Decisions = Regimentation without Reward Good Decisions + Daily Discipline = A Masterpiece of Potential Time is an equal opportunity employer, but how we treat time is not equal. Time is like a block of marble. Give a block of marble to an average person, and you end up with... a block of marble. But put it in the hands of a master sculptor, and watch what happens! The sculptor looks at it with an artist’s eye. First, he makes decisions about what it will be. Then he practices the disciplines of his craft until he has transformed lifeless stone into a masterpiece. I believe you and I can become like the sculptor. We can learn to become master craftsmen, not of stone but of our lives. GOOD DECISIONS TODAY WILL GIVE YOU A BETTER TOMORROW It seems obvious to say that good decisions help to create a better tomorrow, yet many people don’t appear to connect their lack of success to their poor decision making. Some people make choices, then experience negative consequences, yet wonder why they can’t seem to get ahead in life. They never figure it out. Others know their choices may not be good for them, but they make them anyway. Such is the case with the alcoholic who keeps drinking excessively or the person who engages in one abusive relationship after another. Nobody says that good decisions are always simple, but they are necessary for success. Theodore Hesburgh, former president of Notre Dame University, admonished: You don’t make decisions because they’re EASY; You don’t make decisions because they’re CHEAP; You don’t make decisions because they’re POPULAR; You make decisions because they’re RIGHT. You begin to build a better life by determining to make good decisions, but that alone is not enough. You need to know what decisions to make. I’ve given the subject a lot of thought, talked to many successful people, and narrowed down the list of critical areas for success to twelve. I call them the “Daily Dozen”: 1. Attitude: Choose and display the right attitudes daily. 2. Priorities: Determine and act on important priorities daily. 3. Health: Know and follow healthy guidelines daily. 4. Family: Communicate with and care for my family daily. 5. Thinking: Practice and develop good thinking daily. 6. Commitment: Make and keep proper commitments daily. 7. Finances: Make and properly manage dollars daily. 8. Faith: Deepen and live out my faith daily. 9. Relationships: Initiate and invest in solid relationships daily. 10. Generosity: Plan for and model generosity daily. 11. Values: Embrace and practice good values daily. 12. Growth: Seek and experience improvements daily. If you settle these twelve issues by making the right decision in each area and then manage those decisions daily, you can be successful. Before going any further, I need to make something clear: Please don’t let the length of the list bother you. I’m not trying to add twelve more things to your daily to-do list. What I’m suggesting is that you take some time to think through these areas and make a major decision in each that will be lifelong. You can settle an issue once and for all, and you won’t have to revisit it daily. That’s a good idea for two reasons: 1. It Takes the Emotion Out of the Decision: We often make decisions in the heat of the moment. If we’re not careful, we can make a life-altering decision based on a temporary situation rather than on our values. Or we can base it on our feelings. Instead, if we make critical decisions before we have to, then we can make them without our emotions controlling us. When we do that, we are more likely to make decisions with integrity. 2. It Makes Managing Your Life Easier: If you nail down the critical decisions in your life, then you just have to manage yourself based on those decisions. For example, let’s say you discover that you have an innate desire to gamble, causing you to make bets that lose lots of money. If you make the decision not to do any kind of betting, then in the future, your task will be to manage yourself in the light of that decision. That may mean avoiding visits to racetracks, removing Las Vegas from your list of potential vacation spots, and passing on an invitation to a friendly poker game. Once the big decision has been made, you rarely need to revisit it. The most successful people in life are the ones who settle their critical issues early and manage them daily. The earlier you settle the critical issues in your life, the greater your potential for success. The most successful people in life are the ones who settle their critical issues early and manage them daily. THE DISCIPLINES YOU PRACTICE TODAY WILL GIVE YOU A BETTER TOMORROW The first ingredient of success—making good decisions—has no real value without the second, which is practicing good discipline. Let’s face it: Everyone wants to be thin, but nobody wants to diet. Everyone wants to live long; not many want to exercise. Everybody wants money, yet few want to work hard. Successful people conquer their feelings and form the habit of doing things unsuccessful people do not like to do. The bookends of success are starting and finishing. Decisions help us start. Discipline helps us finish. Decisions help us start. Discipline helps us finish. Most people want to avoid pain, and discipline is often painful. But we need to recognize that there are really two kinds of pain when it comes to our daily conduct. There’s the pain of self-discipline and the pain of regret. Many people avoid the pain of self-discipline because it’s the easy thing to do. What they may not realize is that the pain of self-discipline is momentary but the payoff is long- lasting. If we’ve made a decision to try to be healthy, but we put off exercising, it’s true that we avoid thirty minutes of unpleasantness. But then we feel guilty because we’ve violated the decision we know was right for us. Then we regret not having exercised. And if we consistently avoid exercise, we end up paying a price later. On the other hand, when we do practice the discipline of exercise for thirty minutes, we feel good about ourselves the entire day. That’s a great trade-off. We get sixteen hours of positive feelings about ourselves for half an hour of work. And if we consistently practice the discipline of exercise, we also receive a health benefit that can literally save—and extend—our lives. When we subject ourselves to the pain of discipline, the rewards are great and our opportunities increase. However, if we repeatedly compromise our discipline, we not only receive fewer opportunities, but the regret grows. I have to give my parents a lot of credit for training me to be self-disciplined. One of the ways they did that was to use my chores to teach me. Every Sunday my father gave me a list of chores for the week. Some I had to do on a particular day, such as taking out the garbage the night before pickup. Others I could do anytime I wanted, as long as they were done by noon on Saturday. At first, I would put off as many tasks as possible. That was, until one week during the summer when I neglected to clean out the basement by the deadline. At noon that day, the whole family loaded into the car to go swimming. When I arrived there with my towel, my father asked me, “John, did you clean out the basement as you were supposed to?” I hemmed and hawed for a moment and then finally confessed, “No, sir, I didn’t.” Then I thought fast: “But I’ll do it as soon as we get back from swimming!” My father looked at me and said kindly but firmly, “That’s not what you agreed to. You chose to play all week instead of finishing your chores. We’re going swimming, but you’re staying home to finish the basement. I’m sorry, son, but those are the rules.” I spent that afternoon working in the smelly basement while my brother and sister swam and had fun. I stopped procrastinating after that. I wasn’t about to miss out on all the fun again. Someone once defined hard work as the accumulation of the easy things you didn’t do when you should have. The work just didn’t seem quite as hard when I stopped putting it off. And I soon discovered that the quicker I got my work done, the better I enjoyed the week. The First Step toward Success Getting started is often the hardest part of making changes in your life, whether it’s an exercise regimen, a personal growth plan, a diet, or a program to quit smoking. Because we already have so many reasons not to start in the back of our minds, let me encourage you by giving you some compelling ideas about getting started: START WITH YOURSELF A few years ago on a trip to India, I got the opportunity to visit the home of that nation’s great leader, Mahatma Gandhi. The house has been turned into a museum, and it contains some of his personal possessions as well as artifacts from his time of leadership. It also teaches much of his philosophy. One of his statements that I saw there struck me: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” What a great statement! So often we want to change the world. But it’s easier to talk about the change someone else should make than to roll up our sleeves and do it ourselves. “Be the change you want to see in the world.” —MAHATMA GANDHI If you desire for just one person close to you—your spouse, your child, a close friend, an employee—to change in some way, then become a model of change yourself. When that happens— You gain experience, confidence, integrity, and influence. You become content with yourself. (As the popular psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw would say, “You need to be there for you first.”) You must have something to give before you can give to others. I started learning these lessons the hard way early in my career. Back then I often tried to push people forward. Today, I work at leading people forward by trying to set the example. START EARLY There’s an old saying that Noah didn’t wait for his ship to come in; he built one! If you take a proactive approach to changing your life and you start early, you increase your odds for success—and you create more options for yourself later in life. One of the people I greatly admire is Pat Summit, basketball coach of the University of Tennessee Lady Volunteers. She has been named Naismith Women’s Collegiate Coach of the Century, inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame, and given the John Bunn Award. Her teams have won six NCAA titles. As a head coach, she has won more than eight hundred games. Only a handful of coaches at any level have accomplished such a feat. How did she do it? Well, first of all, she’s just good! Nobody achieves that many victories without talent and drive. But the other secret of her success is that she started at age twenty-six. As you read the chapters ahead, you will become acquainted with my personal history and how I came to make each decision for practicing one of the Daily Dozen. I share it because I want to flesh out the process for you and let you know that I’m trying to live out the principles I write about. And I’ll tell you where I struggle—I’m not pretending that I do all this perfectly. But you’ll also find that I had the good fortune to make many of these decisions early in life: In my teens—4 decisions In my 20s—5 decisions In my 30s—2 decisions In my 50s—1 decision The earlier I made the decision and consistently practiced the discipline, the greater the compounding effect on my life. The same will be true for you! If you happen to be young, then you have an advantage older people don’t. The earlier you start, the more your odds for success increase. Beginning early is like getting a head start in the 100-yard dash. As a result, your performance may surpass even hardworking people with much more talent than you. START SMALL The bigger the change, the more intimidating it can be. That’s why I recommend starting small. Just about everyone believes he can take a small step. That’s encouraging. When you start small and succeed, it helps you believe you can accomplish the next step. (Besides, you can’t do step two until you’ve completed step one, right?) It also helps you to prioritize your actions and focus your energy. But here’s a piece of advice: As you get ready to begin, don’t expect to understand all of what it will take to get to the top. Just focus on the next step. START NOW My friend Dick Biggs, author of Burn Brightly Without Burning Out, says, “The greatest gap in life is the one between knowing and doing.” Deep down, we all know that if we want to change and grow, we need to get started. Yet we sometimes hesitate. That’s why Maureen Falcone says, “Most people fail in the starting.” “The greatest gap in life is the one between knowing and doing.” —DICK BIGGS A few weeks ago, Sammy Poole e-mailed me something that captures the heart of the excuses we make for not beginning what we know we should. In part it said, So stop waiting... Until your car or home is paid off. Until you get a new car or home. Until your kids leave the house. Until you go back to school. Until you finish school. Until you lose ten pounds. Until you gain ten pounds. Until you get married. Until you get a divorce. Until you have kids. Until you retire. Until summer. Until spring. Until winter. Until fall. Until you die. You may have a million reasons not to get started now. But deep down, none of them can be as compelling as your desire to change, grow, and succeed. In a month or a year or five years from now, you may have only one regret—that you didn’t start now. Today matters. The way you spend today really can change your life. But the first decision you must make is to begin. How to Make These Decisions a Reality in Your Life Cartoonist Charles Schulz, the creator of Peanuts, quipped, “Life is easier if you dread only one day at a time.” But the truth is that you don’t have to dread your days if you settle the decisions you need to make and the disciplines you need to practice in the critical areas of your life. You’ve probably already noticed that this book contains a chapter concerning each of the twelve critical areas in the Daily Dozen. After reading through the chapters, do the following to begin turning today into your masterpiece: REVIEW THE DECISIONS AND ASK YOURSELF, “WHICH GOOD DECISIONS HAVE I ALREADY MADE?” Undoubtedly, you will have already made decisions in many of the critical areas discussed in this book. Some you’ve made without really knowing it. Others you may have thought through very carefully. You may even have put some decisions in writing at certain points in your life. Begin the process by recognizing and acknowledging the positive steps you’ve already taken. At the end of each chapter, I’ll prompt you to do that. IDENTIFY THE DECISIONS YOU STILL MUST MAKE There will also be areas to which you’ve not given any consideration before now. As you read some chapters, you may even find that there are a few you thought you’d settled but haven’t. Don’t get discouraged, but do acknowledge your need to change. You can’t improve in an area if it’s not on your radar. CHOOSE ONE OF THOSE DECISIONS AND DETERMINE TO MAKE IT THIS WEEK When it comes to change, there are really only three kinds of people: 1. Those who don’t know what to do 2. Those who know what to do but don’t do it 3. Those who know what to do and follow through This book has been written to help you be the third kind of person. I’ve attempted to be thorough in this book, so that individuals who have given no attention to one of the twelve areas will have everything they need to tackle it and make it a success asset. However, one of the dangers of a book like this is that it covers so much ground that you may be tempted to go in too many directions at once. Just focus on one area at a time to make the greatest progress. And remember, when it comes to the big decisions in life, once you make them, you won’t have to keep dealing with them in that way again. LEARN THE DISCIPLINES THAT GO WITH EACH DECISION Most people can make good decisions once they know what the issues are. But character and perseverance determine what happens after the decision is made. To help you follow through in each critical area, I’ve recommended disciplines for you to practice so that you can manage the decision well in your life. As you proceed, remember that while decisions can be made quickly, adopting disciplines in your life takes more time. If you’ve lived without much self-discipline in the past, you’ll need more time to learn them. However, if you are already a highly disciplined person, you will find it easier to adopt new disciplines. A victory of discipline in one area of life can carry over and help you win in other areas. REPEAT THE PROCESS UNTIL YOU’VE MASTERED EACH OF THE DAILY DOZEN Once you’ve settled a critical decision and have a handle on its disciplines, then move on to another one. That’s what I’m doing. I have to admit, I’m still working at this myself. For example, I didn’t make the decision to exercise consistently until I was in my fifties. And I’m still learning the discipline of it. Do I have it down? No, I’m still fighting the fight. I’m getting better over time; I’m a work-in-progress. As I strive to move forward, I keep in mind that what I do in the future depends on what I already am; and what I am is the result of previous years of discipline. What I do in the future depends on what I already am; and what I am is the result of previous years of discipline. His Life Is a Masterpiece I mentioned earlier in the chapter that I fulfilled my lifelong dream of spending half a day with John Wooden. He is an amazing man. He coached basketball for over forty years. And, in all those years, he had only one losing season (his first). He led his UCLA teams to four undefeated seasons and a record ten NCAA championships, including seven in a row. No wonder he is called the Wizard of Westwood (the Los Angeles suburb where the UCLA campus is situated). Before I went to see him, I spent three weeks rereading his books and devouring every bit of information I could about him. Then, on the appointed day, I met him for lunch at a little diner near his home where he eats regularly. When we met, he was ninety-two years old. But you wouldn’t know it to talk to him. He’s alert. And he is sharp! As we ate, I must have asked him a thousand questions, and he answered them all graciously. I wanted to learn as much as I could about his leadership. I wanted to know why he thought he had been able to win as he did. He said he attributed it to four things: (1) analyzing players, (2) getting them to fulfill their roles as part of the team, (3) paying attention to fundamentals and details, (4) working well with others. I also wanted to know what he missed most about coaching. At first his answer surprised me. “Practice,” he said. It wasn’t the acclaim or the championships. Then I remembered a quote from him I had read before our meeting. I later went back to reread it: I have often been asked when I first started dreaming about winning a national championship. Was it at Indiana State Teachers College or after I arrived at UCLA? Perhaps while I was a college player? I never dreamed about winning a national championship. What I was dreaming about each year, if you want to call it that, was trying to produce the best basketball team we could be. My thoughts were directed toward preparation, our journey, not the results of the effort (such as winning national championships). That would simply have shifted my attention to the wrong area, hoping for something out of my control. Hoping doesn’t make it happen. Mix idealism with realism and add hard work. This will often bring much more than you could ever hope for.2 We talked more about practice, and he said, “What you do in practice is going to determine your level of success. I used to tell my players, ‘You have to give 100 percent every day. Whatever you don’t give, you can’t make up for tomorrow. If you give only 75 percent today, you can’t give 125 percent tomorrow to make up for it.’” As I listened to him speak, something steeled inside me. Before I met Coach Wooden, I had wanted to write Today Matters. After meeting him, I felt I had to write it. Everything he was saying to me seemed to confirm what I believed about how tomorrow’s success can be found in what you do today. After lunch, Coach Wooden invited me to his home. It’s a small, unassuming place. I got very excited when he took me into his office. He must have had a thousand awards and mementos on the walls—so many you could hardly see the wallpaper. And any time I asked him about an item on the wall, he would deflect the honor from himself and talk about the team. For a while, he read poetry aloud to me. His love for verse was evident as he read each with great expression. After about an hour, he said, “Just one more,” and read the following poem written by Swen Nader, one of his former players: I saw love once, I saw it clear. It had no leash. It had no fear. It gave itself without a thought. No reservation had it brought. It seemed so free to demonstrate. It seems obsessed, to orchestrate. A symphony designed to feed. Composed to lift the one in need. Concern for others was its goal. No matter what would be the toll. It’s strange just how much care it stores. To recognize its neighbor’s sores. And doesn’t rest until the day. It’s helped to take the sores away. Its joy retains and does not run. Until the blessing’s job is done. I saw love once. ’Twas not pretend. He was my coach. He is my friend.3 The poem touched me, and I mentioned that I knew Swen because our daughters had gone to school together. “He’s a good man, and he was a good ballplayer,” Coach Wooden responded. “You know, many of my players still come visit me.” We talked for probably another hour and a half, and I began thinking that it was about time for me to go. But before I did, I said, “I’ve read that you carry something with you that contains your philosophy. Can I see it?” He smiled and said, “I’ll give you one.” He pulled out a card, a duplicate of one that he carries with him always. And he signed it for me. On the card is this statement: “Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.” I thanked him for his time and I left, grateful that I had been allowed the privilege of being with and learning from someone I greatly respected as a coach, a leader, and a human being. As I walked back to my car, I looked down at the card. And there it was, along with other favorite maxims of John Wooden: “Make each day your masterpiece.” “Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.” —JOHN WOODEN APPLICATION AND EXERCISES Since I will not have the opportunity to spend a day with you personally, I’m going to share with you the questions I would have asked as I went through the day with you: 1. Is your attitude a plus or a minus today? 2. Are your priorities keeping you focused today? 3. Is your health enabling you to succeed today? 4. Does your family situation provide support today? 5. Is your thinking mature and productive today? 6. Have your commitments been kept today? 7. Have your financial decisions been solid today? 8. Has your faith been active today? 9. Are your relationships being strengthened today? 10. Has your generosity added value to others today? 11. Are your values giving you direction today? 12. Is your growth making you better today? Spend some time asking yourself these same questions, and be brutally honest in your answers. You’ll have more time to think about them as you read through the next twelve chapters. I want you to see the whole process, looking at each of the areas in turn. Each chapter will have an “Application and Exercises” section to help you improve in that critical area. At the end of the book, I’ll also give you the kind of plan I would provide if I were to spend the day with you. CHAPTER 3 Today’s ATTITUDE Gives Me Possibilities Is it possible for an individual to have success without a good attitude? The answer is yes, but their attitude will determine how much they enjoy the success. I once read an account in which Clarence Darrow told an audience in Lincoln, Nebraska, “If I were a young man in my twenties and knew what I do now, I would commit suicide.” Darrow was a successful lawyer and author, but based on that statement, I’d say his attitude was pretty grim. Sigmund Freud is another example of someone with a poor attitude who was otherwise able to achieve. The father of modern psychotherapy was hailed as a groundbreaking genius during his lifetime, wrote numerous books, and influenced several generations of physicians, artists, and thinkers. He has been called one of the most influential people of the twentieth century. Yet from the time he was a teenager, he was pessimistic, skeptical, and often depressed. For thirty years, Armand M. Nicholi Jr., an associate professor of clinical psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, has taught a class on Sigmund Freud at Harvard. He has also written a book about Freud in which he describes the chronic “pessimism, gloom, and general state of unhappiness” communicated in Freud’s letters and autobiography. Freud, who tried to relieve his distress with cocaine beginning at twenty-eight years of age,1 believed that happiness was difficult to experience, and unhappiness was the lot of most people. He remarked, We are threatened with suffering from three directions: from our own body, which is doomed to decay and dissolution and which cannot even do without pain and anxiety as warning signals; from the external world, which may rage against us with overwhelming and merciless forces of destruction; and finally from our relations with other men. The suffering which comes from this last source is perhaps more painful to us than any other.2 And in his book Civilization and Its Discontents, Freud wrote, “What good to us is a long life if it is difficult and barren of joys, and if it is so full of misery that we can only welcome death as a deliverer?”3 Without a doubt, his attitude, not his accomplishments, influenced his outlook on life. He was a miserable person who was unhappy his entire life. What’s sad is he chose his discontent. Why Attitude Matters Today While it is possible for people with great talent or drive to achieve with a bad attitude, it doesn’t happen very often, and it takes an incredible amount of effort. And even if they do achieve some degree of success, they aren’t happy. (And they make the people around them miserable too.) Most often, people with bad attitudes don’t get very far in life. On the other hand, even barely average people can do great things when their attitudes are great. In The Winner’s Edge, Denis Waitley observed, “The winner’s edge is not in a gifted birth, a high IQ, or in talent. The winner’s edge is all in the attitude, not aptitude. Attitude is the criterion for success. But you can’t buy an attitude for a million dollars. Attitudes are not for sale.”4 Here’s why attitude makes such a difference as you approach your day: YOUR ATTITUDE AT THE BEGINNING OF A TASK AFFECTS ITS OUTCOME MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE You’ve heard the phrase “All’s well that ends well.” Here’s another that I believe is equally true: All’s well that begins well! Look at successful people and you’ll see that they embraced this truth, whether it’s a doctor going into surgery, a coach readying his team for a game, a pastor preparing a sermon, or a businessperson entering negotiations before a big deal. The confident person increases his chances for success. The pessimist invites the negative outcome he expects. All’s well that begins well! What is your attitude at the beginning of a new experience? Are you excited, cautious, or negative? Are there particular experiences that cause you to feel negative? If those experiences are areas critical to your success, then you need to make an adjustment in your attitude. Charlie Wetzel, who works with me on my books, recently underwent a change in attitude in his thinking concerning the process of editing. Charlie believes that most people in writing and publishing naturally gravitate to either writing or editing. He is a writer and has never particularly enjoyed the editing process. It reminds him of when he graded students’ papers as an English composition teacher. Recently, when we were working on my book There’s No Such Thing as “Business” Ethics, he received the edited manuscript from the publisher and was asked to review it, check the editor’s changes, verify facts, etc. It’s a process he normally hates because he thinks it takes time away from the writing he should be doing. But this time, he decided to change his attitude as he approached the task. Rather than performing the task in short blocks of time during afternoons (mornings are prime writing times), he blocked off an entire week just for editing, and he looked at the task as an opportunity to refine the manuscript and take it to the next level. As a result, the job was more enjoyable and the results were more effective. When you approach a task—especially an important one you don’t relish— fix your mind on the facts, not on your feelings. Focus on the possibilities, not the problems. That will put your attitude on the right track. And if it starts on the right track, it’s more likely to end up at the right destination. YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARD OTHERS OFTEN DETERMINES THEIR ATTITUDE TOWARD YOU A mother and her adult daughter were out shopping one day, trying to make the most of a big sale weekend before Christmas. As they went from store to store in the mall, the older woman complained about everything: the crowds, the poor quality of the merchandise, the prices, and her sore feet. After the mother experienced a particularly difficult interaction with a clerk in one department store, she turned to her daughter and said, “I’m never going back to that store again. Did you see that dirty look she gave me?” The daughter answered, “She didn’t give it to you, Mom. You had it when you went in!” When we interact with others, our attitudes often set the tone for how we treat one another. Smile at people when you meet them, and they often smile back. Act combative, and they are likely to snap back at you. If you want to enjoy mostly pleasant interaction with people as you go through your day, treat others well. It works more often than not. YOUR ATTITUDE CAN GIVE YOU A WINNER’S PERSPECTIVE On June 28, 1939, Joe Louis defended his heavyweight boxing title against Tony “Two-Ton” Galento in Yankee Stadium. Galento wasn’t a particularly talented fighter, but he could take a punch and he was a big hitter. In the second round, Louis knocked Galento down and seemed to be controlling the fight. But in the third round, Galento knocked the champ down. Louis immediately jumped back to his feet and went after his opponent. When Louis went to his corner, his trainer chastised him: “You know you’re supposed to take the full count when you go down. Why didn’t you stay down for nine?” “What!” answered Louis, “and give him a chance to rest?” Louis pummeled Galento so badly in the fourth round that the referee stopped the fight. In today’s competitive culture, everybody is looking for an edge. Top athletes and top businesspeople alike know that—all things being equal—attitude wins. But this is also true: All things not being equal, attitude sometimes still wins. Possessing a great attitude is like having a secret weapon. All things being equal, attitude wins. All things not being equal, attitude sometimes still wins. YOUR ATTITUDE—NOT YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS— GIVES YOU HAPPINESS Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth-century poet and critic, stated, “He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief which he purposes to remove.” He understood that contentment was generated internally, based on attitude. The thoughts in your mind will always be more important than the things in your life. Fame and fortune are fleeting. The satisfaction that comes from achievement is momentary. The author of the Biblical book of Ecclesiastes observed, “He who loves silver will not be satisfied with silver; nor he who loves abundance, with increase.”5 You cannot buy or win happiness. You must choose it. The thoughts in your mind will always be more important than the things in your life. YOUR ATTITUDE IS CONTAGIOUS While it’s true that you choose your attitude, you also need to keep in mind that the choices you make influence other people around you. In the Law of the Bad Apple in The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork, I explain, Several things on a team are not contagious. Talent. Experience. Willingness to practice. But you can be sure of one thing: Attitude is catching. When someone on the team is teachable and his humility is rewarded by improvement, others are more likely to display similar characteristics. When a leader is upbeat in the face of discouraging circumstances, others admire that quality and want to be like her. When a team member displays a strong work ethic and begins to have a positive impact, others imitate him.... People have a tendency to adopt the attitudes of those they spend time with—to pick up on their mind-set, beliefs, and approaches to challenges.6 One of my mentors, Fred Smith, once told me there are two kinds of people in any organization: polluters and purifiers. Polluters are like smokestacks, belching out dirty smoke all the time. They hate clear skies, and no matter how good it gets, they can find a way to make it gloomy. When the people around them in the organization “breathe” their toxins, they feel sicker and sicker. Purifiers, on the other hand, make everything around them better. It doesn’t matter what kind of rotten atmosphere they encounter. They take in the toxic words of polluters in the organization just as everyone else does, but they filter the words before passing them on. What goes in may be gloomy and negative, but when it comes back out, it’s fresh and clear. When you spend time with others, do they walk away feeling better or worse? Do you clear the air, giving them a fresh perspective and positive encouragement? Or do they go away feeling gloomy? Watch how people respond to you, and you’ll know which kind of person you are. The bottom line on attitude is that a good one helps to increase your possibilities. Pessimists usually get what they expect. So do optimists. Believing in yourself increases your chances of success. Looking for the positive in every situation helps you see opportunities that you would otherwise miss. Being positive with people prompts them to be positive with you—and individuals who interact well with others have a leg up on people who don’t. I can’t think of one legitimate criticism of positive thinking. It’s all good. Making the Decision to Choose and Display the Right Attitudes Daily I discovered the importance of attitude in 1964 when I was seventeen years old. My high school basketball coach, Don Neff, took me aside at the beginning of my senior season and told me that he wanted me to be captain of the team. I was excited, but I was also a little surprised, because I knew that my teammate John Thomas was a better player than I was. But then Coach Neff said something that explained it. “John,” he said, “you have the best attitude on the team, and it influences the other players.” Just a few weeks later, I was named “Citizen of the Month” at my school. Why? Once again, it was because of my attitude. My teachers said they loved my attitude. Then it sank in. My attitude was making a difference in my life. And it was making an impact on the people around me. That’s when I made my attitude decision: I am going to keep a positive attitude and use it to influence others. Many people in this world mistakenly believe their attitude is set. It has become such a habit for them that they believe it can’t be changed. They see it as one of the “cards” of life they’ve been dealt, such as height or a history of cancer in the family. But that’s not true. Your attitude is a choice. If you desire to make your day a masterpiece, then you need to have a great attitude. If it’s not good now, you need to change it. Make the decision. Here’s how: Many people in this world mistakenly believe their attitude is set. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ATTITUDE After my wife, Margaret, and I had been married for four or five years, we went to a conference for pastors where I had been asked to be one of the speakers. Margaret also agreed to do a breakout session for spouses. Speaking is not a passion for her as it is for me. She does a good job, but she doesn’t really enjoy it that much. I wanted to support her, so I attended her session. During the Q and A time, a woman stood up and asked, “Does John make you happy?” I have to say, I was really looking forward to hearing Margaret’s answer. I’m an attentive husband, and I love Margaret dearly. What kind of praise would she lavish on me? “Does John make me happy?” she considered. “No, he doesn’t.” I looked to see where the closest exit was. “The first two or three years we were married,” she continued, “I thought it was John’s job to make me happy. But he didn’t. He wasn’t mean to me or anything. He’s a good husband. But nobody can make another person happy. That was my job.” As a young newlywed in her early twenties, she figured out something some people never learn. Each of us must take responsibility for our own attitude. If you want today to be a good day, you need to take charge of the way you look at it. DECIDE TO CHANGE YOUR BAD ATTITUDE AREAS I’ve read the Peanuts comic strip for years, and I’ve always been a big fan. I recall one strip in which Lucy announces, “Boy, do I feel crabby.” Her little brother Linus, always anxious to relieve tension at home, responds, “Maybe I can be of help. Why don’t you just take my place here in front of the TV while I go and fix you a nice snack? Sometimes we all need a little pampering to help us feel better.” Then Linus brings her a sandwich, a few chocolate chip cookies, and some milk. “Now is there anything else I can get you?” he asks. “Is there anything I haven’t thought of?” “Yes, there’s one thing you haven’t thought of,” Lucy answers. And then she suddenly screams, “I don’t want to feel better!” For the many years the late Charles Schulz drew Peanuts, that always seemed to be one of Lucy’s problems. She didn’t want to change in the areas where she had a bad attitude—and she had a lot of them! Many people are like her. I mentioned that there are things in your life you cannot choose, such as your parents, where you were born, or your race. But your attitude is something you can change. And just about everybody has at least a few areas in their thinking that could use some help. If you want to have a better day, then you need to go after those areas. THINK, ACT, TALK, AND CONDUCT YOURSELF LIKE THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BECOME If you’ve been to any kind of class reunion ten or more years after graduation, then you’ve probably been surprised by the transformation of one of your former classmates—the misfit who became a famous lawyer, the plain Jane who blossomed into a movie star, or the geek who founded a major corporation. How do such transformations occur? Those people changed how they thought of themselves. You saw them as they were (or how you thought they were). They saw themselves as they could be. Then they learned to act like and acquire the skills of the people they wanted to be. The transformation usually takes time; often it’s barely noticeable to those who see them every day (just as parents don’t see changes in babies the way others do). But to someone who hasn’t seen them in ten, twenty, or thirty years, the transformation seems miraculous, like a butterfly from a caterpillar. “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” —WALT EMERSON If you desire to change yourself, then start with your mind. Believe you can improve, that you can change into the person you desire to be. Walt Emerson said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” If your thinking changes, then everything else can follow. PLACE A HIGH VALUE ON PEOPLE One of the secrets of maintaining a good attitude is valuing people. You can’t dislike people and have a good attitude at the same time. Think about it: Have you ever met anyone who always treated people badly but had a positive attitude? Likewise, you cannot have a bad attitude and encourage others at the same time. Encouraging others means helping people, looking for the best in them, and trying to bring out their positive qualities. That process drives negative thoughts right out of your head. You cannot have a bad attitude and encourage others at the same time. Your interaction with others sets the tone of your day. It’s like the music of your life. When your interaction with others is poor, it’s like having to listen to cacophonous music. But when you place a high value on people and you treat them well, it’s like listening to a sweet melody as you go through your day. DEVELOP A HIGH APPRECIATION FOR LIFE Have you ever known people who complain about everything? Their soup’s too hot. Their bed’s too cold. Their vacation’s too short. Their pay’s too low. You sit side by side with them at a magnificent banquet, and while you enjoy every morsel, they tell you what’s wrong with each and every dish. Such people don’t appreciate life no matter how good it gets. A friend e-mailed to me the story of a very “together” and independent ninety-two-year-old lady who was moving into a nursing home. Since she was legally blind and her husband of seventy years had passed away, the move was her only option. She waited in the lobby of the facility for a long time before finally being told that her room was ready. As she was escorted down the corridor, her attendant described the room, down to the curtains hung on the windows. “I love it,” the elderly lady enthused. “But you haven’t even seen the room yet. Just wait,” the attendant responded. “That doesn’t have anything to do with it,” she replied. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged. It’s how I arrange my mind.” Appreciation isn’t a matter of taste or sophistication. It’s a matter of perspective. John Wooden said, “Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” The place to start is with the little things. If you can learn to appreciate them and be grateful for them, you’ll appreciate the big things as well as everything in between. “Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” —JOHN WOODEN Managing the Disciplines of Attitude If you want to benefit from the possibilities of a positive attitude, you need to do more than just make the decision to be positive. You also have to manage that decision. For me, in the area of attitude it means one thing: Every day I will make the adjustments necessary to keep my attitude right. If this is new territory for you, you may be wondering how to do it. Here are some guidelines to help you on your way: RECOGNIZE THAT YOUR ATTITUDE NEEDS DAILY ADJUSTMENT I’ve discovered that a person’s attitude does not naturally or easily stay positive. For example, a lifelong attitude weakness I’ve had is my impatience with people. It was a problem even back when I was young. In school, when the teacher set aside a day to review before the final exam, I got dirty looks when I asked, “If we got it the first time, do we still have to come for the review?” And I still fight impatience. Every day I ask myself, “Have I been impatient with someone?” When I have, I apologize to the person. I’ve had to do that more times than I’d like to admit. Like any discipline, your attitude will not take care of itself. That’s why it needs to be attended to daily. The stronger your natural inclination to be pessimistic or critical, the more attention your attitude will need. Begin each day with an attitude check. And watch for red flags signaling that your attitude might be in trouble. Like any discipline, your attitude will not take care of itself. You need to attend to it daily. FIND SOMETHING POSITIVE IN EVERYTHING Not long ago I came across a prayer that I thought was wonderful. It said, Dear Lord, So far today, I am doing all right. I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self-indulgent. I have not whined, cursed, or eaten any chocolate. However, I am going to get out of bed in a few minutes, and I will need a lot more help after that. Amen. It may not always be easy, but if you try hard enough, you can find something good, even in the midst of difficult situations. In Laugh Again, my friend Chuck Swindoll explains that when Mother Teresa was asked the requirements for people assisting in her work with the destitute in Calcutta, she cited two things: the desire to work hard and a joyful attitude. If someone could be expected to be joyful among the dying and the poorest of the poor, then certainly we can do the same in our situation. FIND SOMEONE POSITIVE IN EVERY SITUATION Nothing helps a person to remain positive like having an ally. The world is filled with negative people; in fact, they often flock together. But positive people are everywhere too. You’ll often find them soaring above the negative people—like eagles. When you do, seek them out. If you’re having a hard time, get close and “draft” behind them the way racers do. If they’re having difficulty, you be the one to go out front and make things easier. Two positive people are much better at fighting off the blues than someone going it alone. SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE IN EVERY CONVERSATION I’ve tried to make it a habit to include positive comments in every conversation with others. It starts with those closest to me. When my wife looks beautiful (which is often!) I tell her so. I compliment my children every time I see them. And I absolutely pour out positive praise every time I see my grandchildren. But I don’t stop there. I sincerely compliment, praise, acknowledge, bolster, raise up, and reward people whenever I can. It’s wonderful for me as well as for others. I highly recommend it, and I know you can learn to do it too. REMOVE NEGATIVE WORDS FROM YOUR VOCABULARY My father retired in his mid-seventies, but he has spent his entire life in public speaking. He came from a modest background, so he was always working hard to learn and grow. When I was a kid, he used to pay my brother, Larry, and me ten cents for every grammar mistake we found him making when he was preaching. It was just one example of how he was constantly trying to improve himself. (I suspect he also did it so that we would learn more about grammar ourselves.) You can do a similar kind of thing when it comes to your attitude. You—or someone you enlist—can be on the lookout for negative words in your vocabulary so that you can try to eliminate them. Here’s a list to get you started: Eliminate These Words Say These Instead I can’t I can If only I will I don’t think I know I don’t have the time I will make the time Maybe Absolutely I’m afraid I’m confident I don’t believe I’m sure If you continually look for and embrace the positive and eliminate the negative, you’ll help yourself to begin thinking more positively every day. EXPRESS GRATITUDE TO OTHERS DAILY Of all the virtues, gratitude seems to be the least expressed. How often do people go out of their way to thank you? How often do you receive a thank-you note when you give a gift? More important, how often do you extend your thanks to others? In our culture of plenty, we tend to take things for granted. A few years ago, Oprah Winfrey encouraged her millions of TV viewers to keep a gratitude journal to help them appreciate life. Amy Vanderbilt, journalist and etiquette book author, said, “When we learn to give thanks, we are learning to concentrate not on the bad things, but on the good things in our lives.” Thinking about the good things helps us to be grateful. Remaining grateful helps us to have a more positive attitude. And having a positive attitude prompts us to think about the good rather than the bad. It’s a positive cycle that helps to fuel itself. Reflecting on Attitude When I made the decision at age seventeen to maintain a positive attitude, I did it because it was giving me immediate positive results. And that is what usually prompts us to make decisions. But as you get older and reflect more, you can see things much more clearly. Looking back, I can see the impact that my attitude has made in my life since 1964: In my teens... My attitude made me captain of the basketball team. In my 20s... My attitude helped me convince Margaret to marry me. In my 30s... My attitude helped me step out of my comfort zone by leaving my organization and taking a new position in California. In my 40s... My attitude kept me going during eight years of red tape and conflict while trying to build a new campus for my church. In my 50s... My attitude allowed me to bounce back from a heart attack. I can honestly say that for forty years, my attitude has been my greatest asset in influencing others. And as I approach my sixties, my attitude has motivated me to lead an effort to train and equip one million leaders internationally. I want to keep making a positive impact until the day I die. Always Against the Odds When you make the decision to have a positive attitude and then manage that decision well, there’s almost nothing you can’t accomplish. Just ask Lance Armstrong. In 1999 he became the second American cyclist to ever win the Tour de France, professional cycling’s most prestigious event. (Cyclists pedal over two thousand miles in a grueling three-week race.) When Armstrong won, a journalist asked his mother, Linda, who was waiting for him at the finish line in Paris, whether his victory was against the odds. Her response was emphatic: “Lance’s whole life has been against all odds.”7 Lance Armstrong had several things working against him growing up. His mother was only seventeen when Lance was born, and she spent much of the time raising him as a single parent. They often struggled financially. And Lance often felt like an outsider. In Texas, the big sport is football. Armstrong says he was too uncoordinated for any sport with a ball, so he gravitated to activities that required endurance. In fifth grade, he ran in a distance race and won. Soon afterward, he joined a swim team. In a year, he went from being a “remedial” case to fourth best swimmer in Texas in the 1500-meter freestyle. Every day he would swim 4,000 meters before school and then return in the afternoon to swim an additional 6,000 meters. Soon he began riding his bike to practice—twenty miles round-trip. At thirteen, he entered a competition called IronKids. It was a junior triathlon, combining swimming, biking, and running. He won it easily. When he was fifteen, he started competing against men. He came in thirty-second in his first race. After the race, he told a reporter, “I think in a few years I’ll be right near the top, and within ten years I’ll be the best.”8 Armstrong, always seen as a misfit, was mocked by his friends, who laughed and thought he was ridiculously cocky. The next year when he finished fifth in that same race, they stopped laughing. By the time he was sixteen, he was earning $20,000 a year entering and winning triathlons and 10K races around the country. He also got his first taste of bicycle racing. He was so good at it that he quickly jumped to the most competitive category and began training with the best local cyclists. Over time, Armstrong began to focus entirely on cycling. He experienced success in the United States, but he wanted to ride in Europe, where the best athletes competed. His first professional race, the Clasica San Sebastian, was memorable. It was a bitterly cold day with pouring rain. He finished dead last, a full twenty-seven minutes behind the winner—a terrible finish. The Spanish crowd lining the course jeered him. He recalled his humiliation: A few hours later, I sat in the Madrid airport, slumped in a chair. I wanted to quit the entire sport. It was the most sobering race of my life; on my way to San Sebastian, I had actually thought I had a chance of winning, and now I wondered if I could compete at all. They had laughed at me.... I pulled a sheaf of unused plane tickets out of my pocket. Among them, I had a return portion to the States. I considered using it. Maybe I should just go home, I thought, and find something else to do, something I was good at.9 What carried him through was natural ability, a fiery competitive nature, and an incredibly positive attitude. The words of his mother were constantly in the back of his mind: “Make an obstacle an opportunity. Make a negative a positive. If you can’t give 100 percent, you won’t make it. Never quit!” A SHARP CURVE IN THE ROAD In 1996 at age twenty-five, Armstrong was the top-rated cyclist in the world. It looked as though he had finally made it. He was making a good living. He was at the top of his form. And he was winning races against the best in Europe. But then he started experiencing intense pain in his groin and coughing up blood. When he saw a doctor, he found out he had testicular cancer. But the news kept getting worse: The cancer had spread, it was pervasive in his lungs, and his prognosis was grim. Through all that, he kept his positive attitude, his fighting spirit. But then they found cancer in his brain. “I met a wall,” Armstrong says. “Much as I wanted to be positive and unafraid, all I knew was, when people get brain tumors, they don’t live.”10 Armstrong underwent brain surgery and a procedure to remove his cancerous testicle. Then he started the excruciating process of chemotherapy. Doctors told Armstrong he had a 50 percent chance of surviving. After he finished his treatment and his recovery seemed certain, one doctor admitted that his case was the worst the doctor had ever seen, and he had really given Armstrong only a 3 percent chance of living. Through it all, Armstrong managed his attitude so that he would remain positive. He believes that “hope is the only antidote to fear.”11 When asked if the rigors of cancer treatment had depressed him, Armstrong said no, explaining, “I thought being depressed would be detrimental.... I have to say it was a very positive time in my life.”12 “Hope is the only antidote to fear.” —LANCE ARMSTRONG POSITIVE COMEBACK Surviving cancer with a positive attitude intact is quite an accomplishment. But Armstrong wanted something more. He wanted to start racing again. He had some difficult moments during his comeback. At one point he actually quit in the middle of a race—something he had never done before. “In the start area, I sat in a car trying to keep warm and thought about how much I didn’t want to be there,” says Armstrong. “When you start out thinking that way, things can’t possibly get any better. Once I got out in the cold, my attitude just deteriorated.”13 But he came back from that setback. And he went on to win not one but five consecutive Tour de France races! Armstrong knows what a great asset a positive attitude is. He commented, Without belief, we would be left with nothing but an overwhelming doom, every single day. And it will beat you. I didn’t fully see, until the cancer, how we fight every day against the creeping negatives of the world, how we struggle daily against the slow lapping of cynicism. Dispiritedness and disappointment, these were the real perils of life, not some sudden illness or cataclysmic millennium doomsday.14 After winning his first Tour de France in 1999, Armstrong spoke to reporters and wanted them to pass along this piece of advice to their readers: “I would just like to say one thing. If you ever get a second chance in

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