Relationships Lecture Notes PDF

Relationships Attraction, liking and close relationships Simon Laham: [email protected] General overview Lecture 11. Relationships Attraction Individu Individu Liking al al Relationship formation … Overvi...

Relationships Attraction, liking and close relationships Simon Laham: [email protected] General overview Lecture 11. Relationships Attraction Individu Individu Liking al al Relationship formation … Overview and objectives Relationships: definitions and types Importance of relationships Relationship formation From acquaintance to friend Commitment in close relationships Love Managing relationship conflict Seeking connectedness Need to belong (Baumeister & Leary, 1995; aka: need for affiliation): fundamental human need to form and maintain strong, stable interpersonal relationships Early in development, children try to affiliate and form bonds with others People readily form social attachments under a range of conditions and resist the dissolution of relationships Kinds of relationships Relationship: an association between two or more people Interpersonal relationship: between two people Kinds of relationships: there are various kinds of relationships Family, friend, romantic partner, colleague, boss, teammate… Close - distant One way of classifying: patterns of exchange between relationship partners Exchange rules: patterns according to which relationship partners exchange rewards and punishments Relational Models Theory (I) Alan Fiske’s (1992) Relational Models Theory Different relationships are governed by different rules of interaction/’exchange’ Four ‘relational models’ – patterns of exchange that can be used to think about relationships Model Dominant Exchange Rules Related Example/ concepts domain Communal Sharing Each according to need Care Family (CS) Authority Ranking Superior decide for subordinates Respect Military (AR) Equality Matching Equal proportions/direct reciprocity Equality Peer groups (EM) Market Pricing (MP) Benefits proportional to Equity Business Relational Models Theory (II) Some clarifications: Many relationships are mixed-model Romantic partner: mostly CS, but EM concerns sometimes creep in Parent-child: CS and AR Different stages of the same relationship can be characterized by different exchange rules E.g., some may begin as EM and move towards CS Relational models theory covers other classification schemes: Walster et al., (1978): equity theory (MP and EM) Clark & Mills (1979): communal (CS) vs exchange (EM) Importance of relationships Relationships and well-being Close relationships provide us with social support: Emotional and physical coping resources provided by other people Social support is associated with great psychological and physical well-being Effects on mortality risk are comparable to other significant factors Holt-Lunstad et al (2010) The costs of loneliness Loneliness: negative feelings arsing from unmet needs for affection and self-validation Not being alone, but feeling a sense of isolation Loneliness increases risk of negative health conditions, cognitive decline and impaired executive functioning (Cacioppo & Hawkley, 2009) Overview and objectives Relationships: definitions and types Importance of relationships Relationship formation From acquaintance to friend Commitment in close relationships Love Managing relationship conflict Relationship formation: getting acquainted Factors that influence attraction and liking Attraction: desire for a voluntary relationship Liking: positive evaluation of an object (here another person) Factors that influence attraction and liking Physical attractiveness Similarity Positive interaction: Proximity, familiarity and mimicry Physical attractiveness We like those who are physically attractive Characteristics viewed as physically attractive vary across cultures and time periods Although some factors are generally appreciated Symmetry Effects of physical attractiveness Stereotype that physically attractive people are warm, friendly, … ‘Beautiful is good’ Can become self-fulfilling Contributes to self-fulfilling prophecy Snyder, Tanke, & Berscheid (1977) Men and women have a ‘getting acquainted’ phone conversation Men who believed that they were talking to an attractive woman were more sociable, sexually warm, interesting, independent, bold, humorous… This led the women to reciprocate This increased mutual liking Stereotype influences men’s behavior, which influences women’s behaviour, which increased mutual liking (and can reinforce the stereotype). Similarity Similar others (not opposites) tend to attract Similarity increases liking (similarity-attraction principle) Similar looks, attitudes, personality, activities… Condon & Crano (1998) Why? Similarity encourages positive interaction over common interests, etc. Similar others validate our beliefs and attitudes (positive reinforcement) We assume similar others like us: inferred reciprocal attraction Reciprocity: we like people who like us Positive interaction: proximity We tend to like the people we frequently interact with Usually the people who are close to us (proximity or propinquity) Festinger, Schachter & Back (1950) 63% of friends lived within 2 apartments Why? Proximity increases frequency of (positive) interaction Proximity increases familiarity Familiarity leads to liking (mere exposure effect) Moreland & Beach (1992) Similar looking women attended a class 0, 5, 10 or 15 times during a semester Mere exposure increases attraction Positive interaction: mimicry Face to face interaction opens up possibility of non- verbal processes to impact liking Non conscious mimicry (Chartrand & Bargh, 1999) Participants interacted with face-rubbing or foot-shaking confederates Participants non-consciously mimicked confederates’ actions Mimicry increases liking Mutual reinforcement Proximity Familiarity Mimicry From acquaintance to friend and beyond: building close relationships Self-disclosure Self-disclosure: process of revealing information about the self Facts, thoughts, feelings, emotions… As a relationship develops self-disclosure increases in Breadth: more topics Depth: level of intimacy Consequences of self-disclosure Self-disclosure can deepen and strengthen relationships because Self-disclosure increases liking E.g., mutual self-disclosure can increase perceived similarity Although depth needs to be calibrated to relationship stage Wortman et al (1976) Signals trust in relationship partner E.g., via vulnerability Better enables behavioural coordination Working towards common goals is easier when relationship partners know about each others’ preferences and abilities Who discloses? Women tend to disclose more than men Especially regarding feelings and emotions Reis (1986) People from individualistic cultures tend to self-disclose more than those from collectivist cultures Interdependence and close relationships Increasing interdependence Each partner’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors influence the other Close relationship: A relationship involving strong, frequent interdependence Cognitive, behavioural and affective Not defined in terms of positive feelings Cognitive interdependence Self-other representations overlap Intertwining of concepts of self and partner Inclusion of Other in Self (IOS)(Aron et 1992) Behavioural interdependence Behavioural interdependence: each person has influence on other partner’s decisions, activities and plans. May involve moving to a communal sharing model, in which the mode of interaction is ‘each according to need’ Giving becomes less contingent on possibility of reciprocation Aron et al (1991) Divide sum of money Knowledge of role in allocation Affective interdependence Intimacy: positive emotional bond that includes understanding and support With increasing closeness, relationships move beyond mere reciprocal disclosure to deeper relations of Acknowledgment Acceptance/understanding Emotional responsiveness Increasing sensitivity and care Affective interdependence is one of the primary bases of the important social support functions played by relationships Overview and objectives Relationships: definitions and types Importance of relationships Relationship formation From acquaintance to friend Commitment in close relationships Love Managing relationship conflict Commitment Interdependence for the long-haul Commitment: long-term orientation towards a relationship, with the intention to maintain it over time and foster lasting strong emotional bond to partner Commitment develops over time This allows partners to trust that the other will be there for them Projects interdependence into the future Rusbult’s (1980) Investment Model of Commitment Satisfaction level: recognition of net cognitive, affective and behavioural benefits provided Quality of alternatives: desirability of alternatives to relationship Investment size: resources put into the relationship Time, emotional energy, money, possessions, shared friends + More satisfaction and investment, + - with fewer viable alternatives increases commitment + Satisfaction ≠ Commitment Rusbult & Martz (1995) Abusive relationships More likely to be committed to and thus stay with partners if fewer viable alternatives and higher investment Satisfaction had less impact Commitment is about more than satisfaction Love Some definitions What is love? Fehr and Russell (1991) A variety of definitions and features Components of love Sternberg’s (1986) triangular theory of love Intimacy: feeling close, connected, bonded and interdependent Commitment: longer term orientation to relationship Passion: physical and sexual attraction, intensity of emotional connection Kinds of love Relationship threat and conflict Threats to relationships External Financial strain Gender roles E.g., expectations around household duties Rivals Internal Illness Change/mismatch in preferences/expectations Baxter’s (1986) relationship rules If people are in a close relationship, then they should Autonomy: acknowledge one another’s individual identities and lives beyond the relationship (F>M) Similarity display: express similar attitudes, beliefs, values and interests Supportiveness: enhance one another's self worth and self esteem Openness: be open, genuine and authentic with one another (F>M) Loyalty/Fidelity: remain loyal and faithful to one another Shared time: have substantial shared time together Equity: reap rewards commensurate with their investments (F>M) Managing conflicts Accommodation: processes of responding to a negative action by the partner Destructive accommodation (Gottman’s ‘four horsemen’) Criticism Contempt Defensiveness Stonewalling (silent treatment) https:// www.gottman.com/ Constructive accommodation Open discussion Patience Forgiveness Consequences of accommodation strategies Rusbult et al (1991) Constructive vs destructive Active vs passive Fostering constructive accommodation Constructive accommodation is aided by: Commitment Idealization of partner Implicit theories: beliefs about how the world works Growth vs destiny theories about relationships (Knee and colleagues) Growth beliefs foster constructive accommodation Incremental vs entity theories of personality Kammrath & Dweck (2006) Incremental theories foster active, entity theories, passive, processes Overview and objectives Relationships: definitions and types Importance of relationships Relationship formation From acquaintance to friend Commitment in close relationships Love Managing relationship conflict Relationships