Child Studies PDF

Attachment between you and your child becomes stronger when you: “ Spend time together. Respond to their needs with love, Show lots of love, be...

Attachment between you and your child becomes stronger when you: “ Spend time together. Respond to their needs with love, Show lots of love, be ” support and nurturing care. patient…build their Comfort them when they need you, especially when trust early. they’re sick, hurt or upset. ~ Nikki, mom of a toddler Let them know they’re loved, that you’re there for them and that they’re important to you. A secure attachment in the early years is much more likely to continue to grow and get stronger throughout your life together. It will also help your child form attachments with other important people in their lives in the future. Role modelling and supporting self-regulation The stress response Being a parent can feel stressful at times. How you handle that stress matters. When your body thinks you’re in a dangerous situation, it prepares you to react. This is called the stress response and it starts deep in your brain. When you feel a threat, your brain signals your body to send blood and energy to your muscles, heart and lungs so that you can respond faster. At the same time, it shuts down the connection between the emotional and the thinking parts of your brain so that you can make quick decisions. All of these things make it possible for you to fight off or run away from the threat. The stress response is helpful in emergencies but it’s not very helpful when it comes to responding to your child. During stressful times, if you respond automatically, you can injure your relationship with your child. 26 The Early Years | Healthy Parents, Healthy Children When you’re stressed, your reaction can be scary for you and your child. Yelling, hitting or OV E R V I E W O F PA R E N T I N G shaming children will set off their stress response. They may then yell even louder, further triggering your stress response. The whole situation can quickly spiral out of control and you may end up saying or doing things you later regret. You can, however, learn how to respond in a calm and thoughtful way. The first step is knowing when you’re stressed. It’s helpful to know how your body feels when you’re stressed and when you’re calm. This chart will help you figure out if your stress response has been triggered. What’s happening When you’re stressed When you’re calm to your heart is pounding heart is beating normally Body muscles are tense muscles are relaxed fists and/or jaw are clenched hands and jaw are relaxed breaths are shallow, only going into breaths are deep, going to the Breathing the upper chest bottom of lungs or abdomen breathing is faster than normal breathing is slow to normal loud, sharp, high-pitched or yelling tone is normal Voice talking fast speaking calmly using harsh words using kind words Self-regulation “ Learning how to manage your stress response is called self-regulation, and it’s one of the most Keep yourself (as a important things you can do as a parent. By parent) at the top of your paying attention to your body, you’ll learn to pyramid—if you need food, sense when your stress is rising. rest or relaxation, then find You can then take action to help get to a calmer a way to get it in your day- state, so the emotional and thinking parts of your to-day because it will make ” brain can re-connect. Once you have calmed you a better and more your body and your mind, you’ll be better able to relaxed parent. think about what your child needs and what you can do to help them get calm. Only then can you ~ Mike, dad of two toddlers solve the problem—whatever it is, together. Healthy Parents, Healthy Children | The Early Years 27  Getting to calm When you’re stressed, take a few moments to calm your body and mind before you respond to your child. Stop what you’re doing. Repeat the breathing and/or stretching Make sure your child is in a safe place, cycle two or three times until you feel and find yourself a calm, quiet spot. your body start to calm. Imagine your mind has a gearshift like a Find what works for you. Some people car. Picture yourself shifting your mind find that breathing or stretching work from ‘drive’ into ‘neutral’. on their own, while others find it works better to do them together. Take a slow, deep breath. Breathe in through your nose and out through Remind yourself that your child needs your mouth: you to help them get calm. They’re not being ‘bad’—they’re upset and need Fill your lungs to the very bottom. your help. By watching you, they’re Feel your breathing go right into your learning what to do so that they’ll be abdomen. able to calm themselves on their own over time. As you breathe in, imagine you’re smelling a beautiful rose. As you When you have some quiet time, take breathe out, imagine you’re gently a few minutes to think of other things blowing on a candle flame, without you can do to take care of yourself. actually blowing it out. You’ll find lots of ideas in the Taking Care of Yourself section of each chapter Bend down with your hands towards in this book. the floor, then reach up to the sky, stretching your muscles. Children learn by watching you Your child learns how to manage their energy levels and emotions by watching you and by what you do to help them. This is how they eventually learn to self-regulate themselves, which takes many years. You can help your child learn this process by self-regulating to get yourself calm, then helping your child get calm. Babies cry to tell you that they need something, and it’s not always easy to figure out what that is. When you’re able to self-regulate and get calm, you’ll be better able to help your baby get calm. You’ll find ideas on what you can do to soothe them in the Newborns: Birth–2 Months, Young Babies: 2–6 Months and Older Babies: 6–12 Months chapters ahead. 28 The Early Years | Healthy Parents, Healthy Children Toddlers are often trying to learn OV E R V I E W O F PA R E N T I N G about how things work, and they don’t always have the words to tell you what they need. They may have tantrums because they’re easily overwhelmed. Unfortunately, tantrums can be a real stress trigger for parents. When you can self-regulate, you’ll be in a better place to help your child. The Toddler: 1 and 2 Year Olds chapter will help you learn how to work with your child to help them manage new emotions. Over time, as they’re able to tell you what they need, their tantrums will start to decrease. Preschoolers are learning to get along with others. They need your help to learn social skills like sharing and taking turns. When you’re able to self-regulate, you’ll be able to model and teach these important life skills. The Preschoolers: 3 and 4 Year Olds and Young Children: 5 Year Olds chapters are full of ideas to help your child learn to self-regulate. This gets them ready to be able to focus, remember things, learn and get along with others in the years ahead. Throughout the early years, your child will learn how to self-regulate with your nurturing care and support. Help them by making sure they feel safe and loved, and support them to meet their needs. As they grow, continue to provide warm, nurturing care, and give them the information, guidance and support they need so they can eventually start to meet their needs on their own. Parenting with positive discipline Positive discipline is an approach to parenting based on the true meaning of the word discipline—that is, ‘to teach’. Teaching your child in a positive way means always ensuring your child feels safe and loved, and providing the information, guidance and support that matches their stage of development. This helps your child learn about the way things work and how to get along in their world. Healthy Parents, Healthy Children | The Early Years 29