Chapter 2: The Inner Experience of Conflict PDF

Chapter 2 THE INNER EXPERIENCE OF CONFLICT...

Chapter 2 THE INNER EXPERIENCE OF CONFLICT R ecall the Women’s Hotline case (Case Study I.1, pages 2–3). The conflict and how it was resolved were strongly influenced by parties’ interpretations of one another’s behavior and by assumptions each side made about the other. For instance, several staff members believed that Diane was not willing to bear her share of the work, while Diane drew the conclusion that the staff was not sympathetic with her problems. The staff made incorrect inferences about Diane’s motivations in asking for a leave of absence. Diane’s anger at their rejection led her to file a grievance. Sharing their doubts and fears encouraged members to reinterpret Diane’s behavior in more generous terms. It is clear that the conflict was strongly influenced by what was going on inside parties’ heads, by emotion and cognition. While conflict is constituted in interaction, the behavior that constitutes that interaction has its origins in individual cognition and affective processes. So it is to the inner experience of conflict that we now turn. In this chapter we explore the psychological processes that influence conflict interac- tion. We consider psychological dynamics that affect our perception and interpretation of conflicts, how we process conflict-related information, and how we behave during conflicts. Some of these dynamics are rooted in deep-seated motivations and emotional reactions, and others in our beliefs and thought processes. Thinking and feeling are often regarded as quite different processes, but as we will see, they affect each other in import- ant ways. This chapter is divided into four sections. The first reviews psychodynamic theory, a psychological theory that influenced classic theories of conflict. Section 2.2 explores Copyright © 2021. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved. the role of emotions in conflict. Cognitive processes that influence our interpretations of and reactions to conflicts are the subject of the third section. The final section con- siders how psychodynamics, emotions, and cognitive processes interact to affect con- flict interaction. To illustrate how the different factors discussed in this chapter figure in conflict, they will be used to illuminate the same conflict case, the Parking Lot Scuffle. Before diving into the next section, refer to Case Study 2.1, which reviews a conflict between two rel- ative strangers as it was captured by an observer. This is the actual dialogue recorded between the parties; only phrases that some readers might find offensive have been changed. Folger, Joseph P., et al. Working Through Conflict : Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations, Taylor & Francis Group, 2021. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/uhdowntown/detail.action?docID=6476632. Created from uhdowntown on 2023-10-01 04:41:14.  The Inner Experience of Conflict 43 CASE STUDY 2.1 THE PARKING LOT SCUFFLE Imagine yourself as Jay. What assumptions are you making about Tim as the conflict unfolds? Jay drove to work alone every weekday. On this particular Monday morning he arrived in his office parking lot a few minutes before 9 a.m. He had several things on his mind and was not prepared to see a small moped parked in his reserved spot. In fact, because the moped was set back deep in the spot and between cars, he could not see it until he made the turn into the space. Jay slammed on the brakes but failed to stop before hitting the scooter. The moped wobbled and then fell to the ground. Jay backed up his car and then placed the car in park. He got out and moved quickly to examine the results. He was sur- veying the damage done to his own bumper when Tim, whom he recognized but could not name, approached him on the run. The following interaction ensued: 1 Tim: What’s your problem? What the hell did you do to my Honda? I said, “What did you do?” 2 Jay: I drove into my spot and didn’t see your bike. What was it doing parked there? 3 Tim: Look, my tire’s flat. I can’t move the wheel. Crushed in and doesn’t move. 4 Jay: I didn’t see it until I was on top of it. 5 Tim: You are going to have to pay for this. I can’t afford this. 6 Jay: What was it doing in a parking space? 7 Tim: What’s your problem? It was parked. Look at the wheel. You came around pretty good. 8 Jay: Listen, this is my spot. I didn’t see it, and it shouldn’t have been there. You’re lucky I stopped when I did. Look at my bumper. What was it doing there? 9 Tim: You ass. Who cares whose spot it is? Some jerk like you drives over my Honda and says, “This is my spot.” I don’t care who you are. You will fix my Honda! 10 Jay: You are the one with a problem. Do you work here? 11 Tim: What does that have to do with anything? Stop looking at your bumper; it looks fine. I want your driver’s license and insurance. 12 Jay: Who in the hell do you think you are? (Starts walking away.) 13 Tim: You are not going anywhere. (Grabs Jay’s arm.) Copyright © 2021. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved. 14 Jay: Let go of me. You are screwed. I’m calling the police. (Turns to move toward the office.) 15 Tim slugs Jay from behind. The two scuffle for a few moments until others arrive to break them apart. Discussion Questions Why did this conflict escalate to physical violence? What assumptions about interaction and about conflict does your answer reveal? Folger, Joseph P., et al. Working Through Conflict : Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations, Taylor & Francis Group, 2021. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/uhdowntown/detail.action?docID=6476632. Created from uhdowntown on 2023-10-01 04:41:14.  44 The Inner Experience of Conflict Consider the explanations that have been offered for well-known conflicts: the marital difficulties between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, the debates over ordination of gay clergy in various religious denominations, the grow- ing divide between liberals and conservatives in the U.S. What assumptions underlie these explanations? 2.1 THE PSYCHODYNAMIC PERSPECTIVE Landmark advances in art and science often elicit as much criticism as praise. At the turn of the century, Freud’s psychoanalytic theory changed how people saw themselves as much as French impressionist art had altered people’s views of the world. Yet both Freud and the Impressionists were also the targets of significant criticism, even ridicule. Freud and his followers studied the dynamics of the human mind (Freud, 1949). They tried to explain how intrapersonal states and mental activity give rise to behavior in social contexts. Psychodynamic theory has been overshadowed by experimental and cognitive approaches to psychology in recent years, but it is beginning to receive increased atten- tion in psychological research (Bower, 2007). One value of the psychodynamic perspective is that it “thinks big.” It is concerned with issues like the meaning of life, how we face death, and the origins of love and hate. It deals with fundamental human issues and has suggested important insights that have become part of our day-to-day thinking—concepts like the ego, the unconscious, repres- sion, and wish fulfillment. Several ideas from psychodynamics are fundamental to an understanding of conflict (Coser, 1956). Freud and his followers portray the human mind as a reservoir of psychic energy that is channeled into various activities. This energy is the impulse behind all human activity and can be channeled into any number of different behaviors, ranging from positive pursuits such as work or raising a family to destructive impulses such as vandalism or verbal attacks. However it is channeled, this energy must be released. If it is not released through one channel, psychic energy builds up pressure to be released through another. Sometimes the psyche is likened to a system of hydraulic pipes in which turning off one outlet puts pressure on others. The frustrations and uncertainties involved in conflict generate two powerful impulses—the aggressive impulse and anxiety—which we must manage. The various ways in which these two forms of energy are channeled play a critical role in conflict inter- Copyright © 2021. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved. action because they determine how parties react to conflict. The psychodynamic per- spective suggests that aggressive energy frequently arises from feelings of guilt, a lack of self-worth, or frustrations resulting from unfulfilled needs or thwarted desires. Aggres- sion may be directed at the actual source of the guilt or frustration, either back at oneself in the form of self-hate or in attacks on another person. Self-hatred, however, is destruc- tive, and aggression toward others is discouraged by moral codes and also by their nega- tive consequences. When this occurs, individuals find various conscious or unconscious ways to redirect their aggressive impulses. One strategy is to attempt to suppress aggressive drives. Suppression can take the form of simply not acknowledging the drives and channeling this energy into an alternative activity. For example, an employee who is angry at his boss for denying him a promo- tion may simply suppress his anger and re-channel it into working even harder. The psychodynamic perspective stresses the benefits of suppression because it leads to less Folger, Joseph P., et al. Working Through Conflict : Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations, Taylor & Francis Group, 2021. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/uhdowntown/detail.action?docID=6476632. Created from uhdowntown on 2023-10-01 04:41:14.  The Inner Experience of Conflict 45 anxiety, guilt, or pain than attempting to act on a destructive impulse or satisfy a need that is impossible to fulfill. If people recognize their drives explicitly, they usually try to make some conscious response to them, and this can increase anxiety or frustration if the drives go unsatisfied. On the other hand, if a need is never acknowledged, it can be treated as if it were nonexistent, and the energy associated with the need can be diverted into other channels. Despite its benefits, suppression can be a double-edged sword. Suppressing a need is frustrating, and if no acceptable substitute is found, frustration can fester and erupt more strongly later on. When suppression occurs subconsciously, we may still be driven by the need without realizing it, and these may direct behavior along unproductive paths. Thus, the employee who was not given his promotion might take out his anger uncon- sciously by organizing his work so that he has too much to do and inadvertently misses the deadline for an important report his boss must give to her superiors. The employee may take some satisfaction in his boss’s failure; he is assuaging his anger without openly recognizing it. But this may also have bad consequences for the employee—he might lose his job if his boss believes him to be incompetent or vindictive. Facing up to anger directly may be unpleasant for both the employee and his boss, but in this case it would have been less unpleasant than the consequences of suppression. A second strategy for dealing with aggression is to direct it toward more vulnerable or acceptable targets than the actual source of frustration. This process, displacement, is more likely when the actual source of frustration is powerful and/or valued by the individual. Rather than suffering the consequences of an attack on the actual source, parties attribute their frustrations to other parties so that their impulses can be legitimized. They look for distinctions between themselves and others so that “enemy lines” can be drawn and targets for their aggressive urges can be made available. At times, parties even transfer their feelings of frustration toward intervenors who are trying to assist with the conflict (Sherriff & Wilson, 2010). In his insightful book The Functions of Social Conflict, Coser (1956) notes that the scape- goating of a few group members may be the result of displaced aggression. When mem- bers of a group face failure or a crisis they are often reluctant to direct their anger toward the whole group because they fear rejection. To avoid losing the benefits of belonging to the group they attack a weak member or an outsider. This process is often quite harmful to the scapegoat, but it serves to keep the group together because it allows members to vent aggressive energy. Kenwyn Smith (1989) argues that organizational conflicts are often redirected to issues and people other than those who provoke the initial reaction. Several conflict scholars suggest that patterns of cultural displacement are at the heart of some long-standing ethnic and international conflicts that have produced deep-seated Copyright © 2021. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved. hatred and violence. Volkan (1994) and Gaylin (2003) argue that long-standing eth- nic conflicts that may sometimes end in war and genocide are often spawned by social groups dealing with the difficulties of their own existence. When social groups are faced with anxiety due to their perception that their traditional status is being undermined or their place threatened, they may displace these feelings by singling out other groups as enemies. During the past few years, refugees and illegal immigrants are examples of groups that have been labeled as dangerous and intrusive by some citizens of the coun- tries they have entered. Members of these opposition groups often feel threatened by loss of jobs and economic dislocation and reroute these anxieties into resentment of refugee and immigrant groups. Opportunistic leaders may prey on this tendency for their own benefit by rationalizing the resentment. In addition to aggressive impulses, anxiety is also a by-product of conflict. Anxiety is an internal state of tension that arises when we perceive that our drives or needs will not Folger, Joseph P., et al. Working Through Conflict : Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations, Taylor & Francis Group, 2021. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/uhdowntown/detail.action?docID=6476632. Created from uhdowntown on 2023-10-01 04:41:14.  46 The Inner Experience of Conflict be satisfied. Because conflicts involve perceived interference of others, anxiety is likely to persist until there is some hope that an agreement will be reached that meets each party’s needs. If there is little reason for hope, or if the party suspects that others do not see their needs as legitimate, then anxiety is likely to increase throughout the conflict. The psychodynamic perspective also points to two other sources of anxiety. First, it suggests that anxiety may result from fear of our own impulses. As noted, many drives are self-destructive or counterproductive. When people suspect that a self-destructive impulse is operating, they may become anxious. They may be unsure about how far they will go and try to establish limits and prove themselves by engaging in risky or self-endangering behavior. For example, a receptionist in a law office inadvertently over- heard an insulting remark one of the lawyers made about her. She was very angry and began to berate the lawyer with insulting jokes in retaliation. Despite the possibility that the lawyer might fire her, she continued joking for several days. When a friend in the office asked her why she took the chance, she commented that she was really afraid the lawyer would fire her, but that she had to prove to herself that she was not a “mouse.” Persisting in counterproductive responses is one way of reassuring oneself that they are permissible. Exhibit 2.1 Collusion and Intractable Conflict Psychodynamic theories suggest that there are influences on human behavior that are subconscious. Often these subconscious influences help people deal with dif- ficult or anxiety-producing situations without having to fully acknowledge that these situations actually exist. The concept of “collusion” is one interpersonal phe- nomenon that illustrates a classic way in which people can be influenced by fac- tors that are kept some distance from their full awareness. Collusion occurs when two or more people agree subconsciously to ignore or deny some existing state of affairs or situation. As they interact with each other, they do not acknowledge to themselves or to each other that their behavior is not “reality-based.” For example, two members of a family may collude in agreeing that another family member does not have a substance abuse problem. The collusion enables the family to maintain the status quo and to avoid acknowledging a state of affairs that may be stressful to address and difficult to change. Sometimes people engage in a particular form of collusion that contributes to the intractability of an ongoing conflict (Northrup, 1989). This happens when a Copyright © 2021. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved. conflict starts over a particular issue but as it unfolds and develops over time, the conflict comes to have a life of its own—it begins to sustain itself and propels its own escalation. This happens when the parties come to see themselves as less and less like each other and the exaggeration of differences eventually buttresses each person’s own identity. The parties become more and more dependent on the conflict to support their own sense of who they are and what they stand for. Each person knows who they are because they are not like the other person. When this happens, the parties often collude to continue the conflict because it serves to sup- port their own sense of identity (Zartman & Faure, 2005). Although not admitting (or even seeing) that the conflict is serving this function for themselves or each other, each party becomes invested in the continuation of a conflict, which then becomes highly intractable. Folger, Joseph P., et al. Working Through Conflict : Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations, Taylor & Francis Group, 2021. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/uhdowntown/detail.action?docID=6476632. Created from uhdowntown on 2023-10-01 04:41:14.  The Inner Experience of Conflict 47 Anxiety also may result due to the judgments people make about themselves. Psycho- dynamic theory posits that the superego gives people a capacity to make judgments about their behavior, and anxiety may result when they realize that they would and should not ordinarily act as they are. The receptionist may at some point realize that she does not approve of people who tell insulting jokes, and her persistence in making them would make her even more anxious. But she may well continue with the behavior because at the time there seems to be some legitimate or important reason for doing so, such as saving face and showing she is not a “mouse.” The anxiety people experience from engaging in disapproved behaviors may decrease the chances that they will stop these behaviors: anx- iety can cloud thinking and prevent people from understanding their own ambivalence. Anxiety influences conflict interaction by making parties excessively rigid and inflex- ible. Hilgard and Bower (1966) draw on psychodynamic principles to help explain compulsive or repetitive tendencies that can take hold of people’s actions, despite their destructive consequences. The mere repetition of unpleasant behaviors can be rewarding because it allows people to achieve a sense of mastery over some activity. Mastery in itself is rewarding, and, hence, behaviors continue even if they eventually prove to be destructive. Hilgard and Bower note that sense of mastery, and the compulsive behaviors it promotes, may reduce anxiety. It allows people to cope with a trying situation, and it leads to overlearned behaviors that are highly resistant to change. Although this account aims to explain neurotic forms of individual behavior, it can also explain the nature of conflict interaction cycles. Counterproductive interaction patterns can persist because they provide a way to deal with the anxiety that conflict produces. As Chapter 1 showed, these cycles, fed by members’ rigidity, can move conflicts in nonproductive directions. The psychodynamic perspective has generated several important insights into conflict interaction (see Table 2.1). The most important achievement is its explanation of the Table 2.1 Psychodynamic Insights Into Conflict Psychodynamic theories encourage us to consider the following range of questions about a conflict to help understand its dynamics: In what ways are aggressive impulses evident in the communication among the parties? What is prompting or inhibiting the aggression? Does the aggression enhance or detract from the expression of the parties’ feelings, views, and perspectives to each other? Are any of the parties suppressing obvious needs? Does the suppression contribute to constructive or destructive influences on the conflict interaction? Are negative feelings and frustrations being displaced toward people who are not the source of the frustrations? In what ways does this displacement escalate the conflict? Does the person or group Copyright © 2021. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved. who is the target of the displacement recognize that the negative behaviors directed toward him or her stem from a different source? If they do, how do they respond to the displaced behaviors? In what ways are parties’ past experiences with similar issues or situations influencing their behavior in the current conflict? Are the parties aware that their behaviors in the current conflict are being influenced by prior, and perhaps unrelated, events? What are the specific sources of anxiety that contribute to the parties’ behavior in the conflict? How are the parties managing these sources of anxiety? What could the parties say to each other that might alleviate any of the existing anxiety? Are there repetitive behaviors or repetitive cycles of interaction that are particularly revealing about the parties’ inability to address their anxieties? What purpose does the repetition serve in managing aggression or addressing anxiety? In what ways does the continuation of the conflict help the parties manage their anxieties? Are there ways in which the parties “need” the conflict to continue to serve their own needs, even if the conflict interaction is destructive and counterproductive in other ways? Folger, Joseph P., et al. Working Through Conflict : Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations, Taylor & Francis Group, 2021. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/uhdowntown/detail.action?docID=6476632. Created from uhdowntown on 2023-10-01 04:41:14.  48 The Inner Experience of Conflict role of impulses, particularly aggression and anxiety, in conflicts. The idea that impulses build up and can be redirected into other activities, including attacks on a third person, is crucial to most conflict theories. The psychodynamic perspective recognizes the impor- tance of substitute activities, displacement, scapegoating, and inflexibility in conflicts, and it allows many subtle processes to be taken into account. The idea of unconscious or subconscious motivation is also important. People do not always understand what is driving their conflict behavior. The negative consequences of unconscious motiva- tions underscore the importance of helping members gain insight into their behavior. Once members understand what is driving conflicts they can begin to control them. Case Study 2.2 explores the role psychodynamic processes may have played in the Parking Lot Scuffle. CASE STUDY 2.2 PSYCHODYNAMIC THEORY AND THE PARKING LOT SCUFFLE The accident immediately led to physiological arousal in Jay and Tim. Both were frustrated and angry—Jay because of the damage to his car and Tim because his scooter was crushed. The energy from this frustration had to be channeled, and it was directed against each other, the source of the frustration. At first, Jay attempted to keep the conflict in check by giving explanations (“I didn’t see it”) and invoking social norms (“What was it doing in a parking space?”). This represents the action of the superego, which tries to keep the expression of psychic energy within socially approved bounds. However, Tim’s attacks made Jay angry, and he dropped his efforts to resolve the conflict through “normal” channels. Escalation developed as the two exchanged insults and aggressive energy fed on itself, further escalating the conflict. The conflict might have taken a different turn if the two had displaced the conflict by blaming the parking company for mislabeling the parking slots. This would have united them as they redirected their anger at a different target. Another way to manage the psychic energy in this conflict would have been to suppress it. For example, Jay might have toned down his anger and conversed calmly with Tim to help Tim temper his anger. Then the two might have worked out a mutually acceptable resolution. Another way to suppress the conflict would have been for Jay to walk off and find an attendant or police officer who could have taken down the details of the accident. The case would then have Copyright © 2021. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved. been referred to their insurance companies. The two methods of suppressing the conflict would have had very different outcomes. The first approach dissi- pates the psychic energy associated with the dispute. The second, however, leaves this energy intact, and Tim would need to deal with it, either by displac- ing it or by finding some way to take it out on Jay, perhaps at a different time or place. Discussion Questions How might anxiety have played a role in this conflict? What is a possible source of anxiety, according to psychodynamic theory? Folger, Joseph P., et al. Working Through Conflict : Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations, Taylor & Francis Group, 2021. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/uhdowntown/detail.action?docID=6476632. Created from uhdowntown on 2023-10-01 04:41:14.  The Inner Experience of Conflict 49 2.2 EMOTION AND CONFLICT Common sense tells us that emotion is an important part of conflict, and research during the past fifteen years has greatly clarified how emotion influences conflicts (Guerrero, 2013; Jones, 2001; Long & Brecke, 2003). Guerrero (2013) discusses five points that are important in understanding how emotion shapes conflict: “Emotions occur in reaction to a specific stimulus or precipitating event that inter- rupts, prevents or facilitates a person’s ability to reach desired goals” (p. 106). The central constituent of emotional experience is positive or negative affect. Physiological changes usually accompany emotional experiences. Cognition frames and helps people interpret emotional reactions. Specific behavioral tendencies or reactions are associated with emotions. Jones (2001) argues that the same factors that trigger conflict—incompatibilities and interference from another—set off emotional responses. In many cases, a surge of emo- tion is what makes us aware that we are in a conflict. Typically, the affect associated with the emotional response to conflict is negative, since the conflict is associated with block- age or frustration of goals. One study found that arguments accounted for 80% of the variance in subjects’ negative mood (Bolger, DeLongis, Kessler, & Schilling, 1989). Along with negative affect come physiological changes, particularly in terms of how activated or aroused we are. For example, anger is associated with increased heartbeat and tensed muscles. Physiological responses associated with emotion may impede our ability to listen and understand others, because they are so powerful and immediate. They are associated with the fight/flight response and predispose us to visceral responses. The experience of emotion is shaped by our interpretations of the situation. Current models of emotion posit that cognitive processes play a role in how we label emotions (e.g., Lazarus & Lazarus, 1994; Planalp, 1999). Primary and secondary appraisal pro- cesses, both of which occur rapidly in response to an event, are involved in the gen- eration of emotional states. Primary appraisal determines whether affect is positive or negative and consists of an assessment of whether the event is relevant to us and, if it is deemed relevant, whether it advances or threatens to disrupt attainment of our goals in a situation. In secondary appraisal we identify what the emotion is, a process also called labeling. Secondary appraisals involve determining who is responsible for the event that stimulated our affect, the other’s intent toward us, the degree of control we have over the event, and whether the situation will get better or worse in the near future. So the same negative affect in response to a tactless joke could be labeled anger if we interpret the sit- Copyright © 2021. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved. uation as one in which the joker purposely insulted us and we have enough control over the situation to take some action against him, or sadness if we believe the joke reflected contempt for us and that we are powerless to do anything about it. Cognitive processes thus play an important role in shaping emotions in conflict. The reverse is also true: Emotional states influence cognitive processing. Negative emotions such as anger, hurt, and sadness can predispose us to focus on the negative aspects of the situation and to see the other’s behavior in more negative terms than if we were in a positive emotional state. Emotions tend to elicit certain types of behavioral responses. These biologically based responses help us to deal with the events that stimulated the emotion. According to Guerrero (2013, p. 108), “Different emotions are associated with various action tenden- cies. For example, anger is associated with attack, fear with moving away from harm, and guilt with making amends.” Folger, Joseph P., et al. Working Through Conflict : Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations, Taylor & Francis Group, 2021. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/uhdowntown/detail.action?docID=6476632. Created from uhdowntown on 2023-10-01 04:41:14.  50 The Inner Experience of Conflict A number of emotions are associated with conflict. Here we will discuss several of the most important and common emotions, both negative and positive. The most common negative emotion associated with conflict is anger. Other emotions associated with anger include rage, disgust, contempt, irritation, and exasperation. Angry people typically have accelerated heart rates, feel hot or flushed, and may have tense muscles. Anger is most often triggered, as noted earlier, when an individual perceives his or her goals to be frustrated or threatened by another. In addition, some individuals have predispositions toward anger due to personality or substance abuse. Infante and Wigley (1986) have proposed that verbal aggressiveness is a personality trait closely connected with anger and have also described verbally aggressive behavior (see the accompanying Exhibit 2.2). Canary, Spitz- berg, and Semic (1998) found that common specific causes of anger include perceptions of threats to identity or face, aggression by another on oneself or valued others, unfairness or inequity, another’s egocentric behavior, and threats to valued relationships. Anger can be a precursor to aggressive behavior (Butt & Choi, 2010; Raver & Barling, 2008). Exhibit 2.2 Verbal Aggressiveness Infante and colleagues (Infante & Wigley, 1986) proposed a theory of verbal aggres- siveness to explain why verbal attacks occur in interpersonal communication. The theory views aggression as a personality trait that represents a learned predisposi- tion to act in response to certain cues that are reminiscent of the context in which the learning occurred. For example, the theory posits that a person who has seen family members aggressively confront, insult, and taunt each other during dis- agreements would learn this behavior as a response to disagreement. The person would be likely to engage in similar types of aggressive behavior when someone disagrees with him or her. The likelihood of this response depends on (1) how similar the disagreement in question is to those the person experienced in his or her family; (2) how often the person was exposed to the aggressive response in his or her family; and (3) the degree to which rewarding or positive consequences were seen as a result of the aggressive behavior in the person’s family. The theory distinguishes between verbal attacks made against ideas or posi- tions and verbal attacks made against self-concept. Argument involves presenting and defending positions on issues while attacking positions held by others. Verbal aggression, on the other hand, also includes attacks on another’s self-concept. The aggressiveness trait is a predisposition to use personalized attacks in interpersonal Copyright © 2021. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved. communication. For Infante, verbal aggressiveness is yoked to a trait he labels argumentativeness. The theory maintains that to understand aggression, the concept of argumentative- ness must be understood. A person’s level of argumentativeness is created by two competing motivational tendencies: the motivation to approach argumentative situations and the motivation to avoid such situations. Highly argumentative peo- ple perceive arguing as exciting and intellectually challenging, and they experience feelings of invigoration and satisfaction after engaging in arguments. People who are low in argumentativeness find arguments uncomfortable and unpleasant; they generally associate argument with personal suffering. Not surprisingly, these indi- viduals attempt to avoid arguments or keep them from occurring. In the aftermath of arguments they often feel anxious and unsettled. Folger, Joseph P., et al. Working Through Conflict : Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations, Taylor & Francis Group, 2021. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/uhdowntown/detail.action?docID=6476632. Created from uhdowntown on 2023-10-01 04:41:14.  The Inner Experience of Conflict 51 As a result of approaching or avoiding argumentative situations, people develop or fail to develop the social skills needed to succeed, so an argument is unavoid- able. Highly argumentative people tend to be more skilled at stating controversies in propositional forms, determining the major issues of contention, discovering ways to support a position, and delivering arguments effectively. Among the many factors promoting aggressive behavior, skill proficiency weds the traits of argumen- tativeness and verbal aggressiveness. In a series of studies, Infante and colleagues demonstrated that people low in argumentativeness are more likely to resort to attacks against the self-concept of the other party. In other words, low argumentatives are high in verbal aggressive- ness. In a manner of speaking, the two traits represent the opposite poles of a single-skill continuum. Because individuals who avoid argumentative confronta- tions are often frustrated and lack the skills to succeed in such situations, they turn to verbal aggression. Argumentative behavior is a positive trait that is distinct from verbally aggres- sive behavior. The advantages of argumentativeness are numerous. Research has shown that argumentative behavior is positively related to career satisfaction, career achievement, superior-subordinate relationship satisfaction, and other organizational outcomes (Infante & Gorden, 1985). Verbal aggressiveness is a negative trait that can produce a variety of effects in interpersonal communication, including conflict escalation, long-lasting damage to self-concepts, and deterioration of relationships. Infante believes that teaching people to value argument and providing them with the skills to succeed in argu- mentative situations will increase productivity in society and reduce the amount of verbally aggressive acts during interpersonal conflicts. What do we do about verbal aggressiveness? Infante and colleagues propose using workshops and therapy sessions that would focus on making the person aware of his or her tendencies and on developing alternative behavior patterns through rehearsal and feedback. Such measures are time-consuming and require the consent of the verbally aggressive person, so they may not be of much help when confronting such a person during a conflict. When in a conflict with a ver- bally aggressive person, it is important to maintain distance from the exchange and not be drawn into mudslinging and name-calling. This is difficult to do in the heat of the moment, but it is critical not to buy into the verbal aggres- sive’s assumptions about what is appropriate behavior. Steadfast resistance to the attacks of the verbal aggressor is also important, as it signals to him or her Copyright © 2021. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved. that the approach will not work in this case. It is also useful to bear in mind that, in a small proportion of cases, a frustrated aggressive person may resort to physical violence or other means of reprisal; we need to protect ourselves from this possibility. How do we work with verbal aggressiveness? One step is to become aware of our own tendency to be verbally aggressive. If we recognize that we are low in argu- mentative skills, we can engage in specific strategies to help prevent ourselves from turning to verbal aggression, including the following: Monitoring our comfort and skill in verbal arguments. Recognizing that discussion of “hot” topics may trigger verbal aggression due to our frustration with the argument and difficulty in expressing ourselves. Folger, Joseph P., et al. Working Through Conflict : Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations, Taylor & Francis Group, 2021. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/uhdowntown/detail.action?docID=6476632. Created from uhdowntown on 2023-10-01 04:41:14.  52 The Inner Experience of Conflict Making conscious commitments about specific words, expressions, or sen- tences that we will not use in a verbal argument. Talking slowly and deliberately; pausing before giving a response. Preparing substantive arguments before a discussion. Disengaging from the interaction if frustration rises beyond a manageable level. When others are low on argumentative skills, it may be useful to approach them thoughtfully to avoid triggering their verbal aggression. Some possible strategies include the following: Giving them advance notice about the need or desire to talk about a contro- versial topic. Providing a summary of your point of view in writing before engaging in a face-to-face conversation with them. Letting them speak first in the interaction about the topic. Asking them questions before presenting your own arguments. Paraphrasing their arguments before responding to their substantive points. Avoiding discussion of differences with them in front of other people. Common behaviors associated with anger include physical attacks, verbal attacks, and nonverbal expressions of disapproval (Fehr, Baldwin, Collins, Patterson, & Benditt, 1999). These obviously invite reciprocation and can contribute to spiraling escalation of a conflict. Another common response to anger is to avoid the other. There are also more constructive responses to anger, such as expressing hurt feelings and channeling the emotion into a respectful yet assertive response to the other. However, this type of response is more indirect, and because it “short-circuits” the general defensive response to anger, it may take some effort and self-control to make it. Jealousy is a hostile emotion associated with the perception that a third party is threat- ening a primary relationship (e.g., a partner relationship, a boss-employee relationship, a minister-congregant relationship). Three common destructive communicative responses to jealousy are “negative communication [e.g., yelling, arguing, insulting, and ignoring], counterjealousy induction [e.g., attempts to make the offending partner feel jealous too], and violent communication [e.g., pushing the partner],” (Guerrero, 2013, p. 111). Jeal- Copyright © 2021. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved. ousy is a common cause of physical violence. Another negative emotion that occurs in conflicts is fear. Physiological responses to fear include perspiration, muscle tension, pupil dilation, and the hair on arms and legs standing up. In some cases an individual may have a higher heart rate, a “startle” reac- tion, and involuntarily movement to protect parts of his or her body that seem likely to be harmed. Fear is stimulated by perceived likelihood of harm. Causes of fear in conflict include perception of physical aggression, verbal aggression, threats to face or identity, and possible loss of a person or thing of value. The behavioral tendency associated with fear is flight, and common responses to fear in conflict include withdrawing, accommo- dating the other, and avoidance of the conflict altogether. Hurt is the fourth negative emotion that often occurs during conflict. Hurt results when one feels psychologically injured by someone else. Hurt is associated with other negative emotions such as anger, anguish, sadness, and suffering, and can easily transform into Folger, Joseph P., et al. Working Through Conflict : Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations, Taylor & Francis Group, 2021. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/uhdowntown/detail.action?docID=6476632. Created from uhdowntown on 2023-10-01 04:41:14.  The Inner Experience of Conflict 53 them. Physiological hurt is similar to both anger and sadness, depending on which of these other emotions is associated with the hurt. We have already discussed the physio- logical correlates of anger. If the hurt is tinged with sadness, then physiological responses may include tears, a lump in the throat, tensed muscles, and quietude. Causes of hurt include accusations, negative evaluations, lies, and betrayal. Another cause is relational transgressions (Metts, 1994), violations of implicit or explicit relational rules that are perceived as betrayal. Relational transgressions include infidelity in interpersonal rela- tionships, disconfirming a friend, going back on a promise, or manipulating a colleague at work. Behavioral responses to hurt may be similar to those for anger, but also include acquiescence to the other’s behavior and expressions of invulnerability (e.g., “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me”). Other responses affirm the relationship, such as expressions of loyalty (e.g., “I know X didn’t mean that,” and “I’ll work through this because our relationship is more important than this little incident”), and integrative communication whereby the hurt party attempts to engage the other to talk things out and repair the relationship with the offender. Guilt is a negative emotion that results from hurting another. Guerrero (2013) notes that “people experience guilt when they perceive that they have injured, unjustly hurt, or failed to help someone” (p. 115). It is a self-conscious emotion that involves judg- ing ourselves to have come up short or to have violated our own or generally accepted codes of conduct toward another. Physiological reactions to guilt include a lump in the throat, accelerated heartbeat, irregular breathing, and a tension associated with wanting to do something to compensate for our transgression. Guilt may be stimulated by our reflections on our own behavior, but others’ communication may also trigger guilt. Van- gelisti, Daly, and Rudnick (1991) identified several conversational tactics that stimulate guilt, including statements about unfulfilled relational or role obligations (e.g., “but you promised...”), bringing up sacrifices (e.g., “I worked overtime this weekend for you, and now you do this!”), and making comparisons that reflect badly (e.g., “You’ve spent two weekends in a row with Jake. When do I get some time with you?”). In response to guilt, parties may simply refuse to take responsibility (e.g., “I never asked you to work overtime”), or they may justify their behavior (e.g., “I was with Jake because his wife is leaving him and he needed me”). Responses that affirm the rela- tionship include offering compensation (e.g., “What can I do to make up for this?”), appeasement (e.g., “All right, let’s spend this weekend together”), and apologizing. There has been less attention paid to positive emotions in conflict. Since conflict is founded on differences and interference with goals, negative emotional states are primary. However, positive emotions, though secondary, are also relevant to conflict. Copyright © 2021. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved. One response to conflict is hope (Lazarus & Lazarus, 1994). Hope is a positive feeling based on anticipation of positive outcomes that is associated with an optimistic outlook. Physiological correlates of hope include moderate levels of activation, a light feeling (as opposed to the heaviness sometimes associated with depression), and some increase in pulse rate. Hope can sometimes be intense, but generally is a more moderate emotional state. Factors that contribute to hopefulness include personality and prior experience with conflict situations that turned out well. An experienced manager, for example, com- mented that when she was involved in a conflict, she regarded it as an opportunity to improve the situation, rather than something to be dreaded. An optimistic response to a conflict depends on a secondary appraisal that redefines the negative affect as something that can be channeled in positive directions. Another positive emotion, energy, “is the feeling that one is eager to act and capable of acting” (Quinn & Dutton, 2005, p. 36). Also described as vitality and zest, energy Folger, Joseph P., et al. Working Through Conflict : Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations, Taylor & Francis Group, 2021. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/uhdowntown/detail.action?docID=6476632. Created from uhdowntown on 2023-10-01 04:41:14.  54 The Inner Experience of Conflict is a self-reinforcing experience that is quite pleasant and focusing, one which people try to prolong and enhance. People try to re-create or repeat circumstances that create energy and to avoid those that deplete or dampen it. Physiological correlates of energy include enhanced awareness, focused attention, and sometimes tensed muscles and increased heartbeat. Factors that contribute to energy include positive expectations about a situation, a sense that one is capable of meeting the challenges of the situation, and positive affect and encouragement from others (Quinn & Dutton, 2005). Energy fosters a tendency to view events positively and to invest effort in activities. Hence, it is a valuable emotion that may help move conflicts in positive directions (Butt & Choi, 2010). There is a tendency to regard emotions primarily as undesirable during conflict. This stems from a long-standing tradition in Western thought that privileges thinking over feeling. Thinking—rationally analyzing the situation and working out alternatives that might resolve a conflict—seems to be preferable to allowing our emotional responses to take over and drive the conflict in nonrational—or even irrational—directions. However, this viewpoint is overly simplistic and based on an oversimplified notion of the role of emotions in conflict (Montes & Rodriguez, 2012). Emotions are a natural part of the human experience, and they are a natural part of conflict. We would be poorer if we could somehow turn off our emotional reactions to conflict and approach it solely on the basis of reason. Emotions energize our responses to conflict and are just as important to positive integrative movement toward a solution as they are to destructive escalation. So the issue should not be deciding whether emo- tion is bad for conflict or not, but when and under what conditions it has positive versus negative effects. Emotions can be so powerful that they overwhelm us, limiting our ability to accu- rately understand others or to appreciate their positions and reducing our ability to analyze the conflict and think through issues and options. Gottman (1994) discusses emotional flooding, when one party is surprised and overwhelmed by the other’s nega- tive emotional response. This arouses such strong counter-emotions in the party that the party is unable to process the other’s statements and issues properly. This degrades the party’s ability to respond to the conflict, and makes an aggressive, attacking response more likely. Emotional contagion is a more general term that refers to the tendency for emotions to spread among parties in a conflict. Emotional contagion is defined as a tendency to automatically mirror or mimic the emotional response to another, leading to a synchro- nization of emotional experience and reciprocation of behavioral responses to emotion (Hatfield, Cacioppo, & Rapson, 1994; Lehmann-Willenbrock & Kauffeld, 2010). So, Jack Copyright © 2021. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved. may respond to Jill’s angry outburst by becoming angry in return and shouting back at her, which intensifies Jill’s anger and encourages her to shout even louder, which infu- riates Jack, and so on. As we will see in Chapter 3, reciprocation is a natural and power- ful tendency in human interaction. Emotional contagion is one contributing factor to reciprocation. Jones (2001) cautions us to recognize that emotional contagion—like emotion itself—is not a simple phenomenon. She points out that “Not only do people differ in their focus on affective communication as information... but also they differ in their propensity to be affected by the emotional communication of others” (p. 92). The communication of emotions by others may not affect us if we discount the emotional display (e.g., “He’s just tired and grumpy; don’t pay attention to that outburst”), or when we are aware of potentially harmful impact of emotions. The nature of the rela- tionships