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 BANG Roosh V Copyright 2007, 2010 by Roosh V Electronic Edition http://www.rooshv.com All rights reserved. Table of Contents Introduction 1. Internal Game 2. Early Game 3. Middle Game 4. Late Game 5. End Game Appendix ...

 BANG Roosh V Copyright 2007, 2010 by Roosh V Electronic Edition http://www.rooshv.com All rights reserved. Table of Contents Introduction 1. Internal Game 2. Early Game 3. Middle Game 4. Late Game 5. End Game Appendix  Introduction It started in the spring of 2001. I was 21 years old and spent my free time on the computer reading message boards or playing games. I had no skill with women and the ones I knew either used me for my brain to tutor them or as an emotional tampon to feel better about the guys who didn’t take their shit. I remember thinking how stupid the other guys were to treat such pretty and nice girls so poorly. Didn’t they realize those girls will eventually get angry and stop talking to them? My friends were unsuccessful with women too, so we all reinforced our lack of skill during all-night games of Risk or poker. I wanted to get out of that cycle but felt I had little control to make a change. I observed other guys and concluded that success with women was a skill you were born with. Then there was one girl in my organic chemistry class that I started to like. She was Persian and the same age as me, with long curly hair and olive skin. We would study together in groups and I could have sworn that she was giving me extra attention. I analyzed the situation with my nice guy friends and we concluded that she did like me as more than a friend. After a couple weeks of hesitation, I finally asked her out on a casual date to the movies. She said she couldn’t because she was very busy. Weeks later, I saw her around campus holding hands with another guy. Instead of listening to lame love songs like I usually did, for the first time I got angry. A lifetime of frustration and of not getting what I wanted became focused on that one girl. I was bitter that I, a nice guy, was getting passed over for guys I thought were losers. So I started to ignore her. If I did end up talking to her, I’d cut our conversations short. When she asked me to study I’d lie and say I was studying alone, only to have her stumble upon my study group late at night in the library. I started feeling good for treating her poorly. I hated her and everything she stood for, which was my failure with women. But then something interesting happened. She started making a strong effort to gain my attention and favor. It was as if the harder I pulled away, the closer she would come to me. That was the first time I understood that changing my behavior could affect how girls reacted to me. Soon it became clear that interacting with women wasn’t very different from the games I played with my nice guy friends, where changing tactics and strategies yielded different results. At about the same time, I happened to click on a random link within a business forum and stumbled onto something called Tony’s Lay Guide. It was the best accident of my life. That guide had basic tips on how to approach women, how to talk to them, how to kiss them, and how to have sex with them. I immediately printed the entire thing in case the site went offline. To me it reinforced the idea that you can learn how to get better, that you aren’t doomed to a life of infrequent sex just because you weren’t born a natural. I studied that guide for two months before I actually did anything. In May 2001, I approached a girl for the first time in a line of a club. I talked to her for half an hour and got her number, to the surprise of both me and my friends. It was probably beginner’s luck, but that first success sold me on the idea that studying game was a worthy cause. That’s usually how it starts for most guys getting into the game: a random discovery followed by a first success or initial high when they do something they’ve never done before. Your Goal What is it you want right now? Maybe you want to lose your virginity, sleep with a certain number of girls, find true love, or get a threesome. Or maybe you have goals that are more difficult to measure, such as building confidence, becoming more outgoing, or becoming a better speaker. Whatever your goal is, it’s best to express it in a statement that will act as your guide and motivational force. Think of it as being like a corporation’s mission statement, that no matter what happens and what local creek is being polluted, you can look at it and remember what’s really important. A lot of people set a goal, work on it half-heartedly for a month or two, realize it’s difficult to accomplish, and then switch goals (or quit altogether). It’s a good goal if you aren’t sure whether you can reach it or not—it’s a bad one if you’re 100% sure you can. It should be a goal for which you need to seek outside knowledge or to acquire new skills. If it’s not hard, like most things in life, it’s not worth doing. There are two parts to every goal you set out to achieve: the journey to the goal and the accomplishment of the goal itself. The journey is when you learn, innovate, attempt, and put yourself through tough situations for the first time. This is where real growth takes place. (Sometimes accomplishing a goal gives you less satisfaction and pleasure than the smaller successes that preceded it.) If you don’t quite reach your goal, that’s okay too. The journey makes the concept of failure a gray area because you’ll be putting yourself through changes that will leave you with more knowledge on how to succeed than when you first started. You can “fail” all your life, yet accomplish more than those who never tried. There have been volumes written on goal setting that make it more complicated than it needs to be. Keep the process easy but effective by structuring your goal in this format: “I’m going to ___________.” Then write that goal on a small piece of paper or a note card. Put it in your wallet, next to your computer monitor, on your bathroom wall, or any place where you’ll see it at least once a week. Visualize your goal to prepare your mind for the work ahead. Some productivity experts recommend that you attach a deadline to your goal. For example: “I’m going to sleep with a mother and daughter team within six months.” I don’t advise doing this because the game is so unpredictable and quirky that time goals can be discouraging during the inevitable cold streak. As you gain skill, there will be periods where you sleep with multiple girls in a short amount of time, followed by nothing for several weeks. A strong desire that motivates you to act is enough. Beware Before you dive in and read this book, I have to warn you that the journey can be difficult and often disappointing. Is it worth it? Yes, without a doubt. The payoff for you will be better quality women and more power and confidence to get them, but it won’t come without work on your part. You’ll need to interact with a large number of women in different situations and environments. It’s not enough to just talk to the women you normally come into contact with at work or school. Like a salesman, you need to make cold calls to get leads in the form of approaches. You’ll go to bars and clubs and bookstores to meet women. You’ll talk to them everywhere, always practicing and experimenting. You’ll follow through with them, call them on the phone, spend money on dates, and try to bang them. You’ll maintain your stable like a sheep herder maintains his flock. You’ll put in your energy, your life blood, into a game that may leave you mentally exhausted. You’ll deal with rejections, flakes, and temper tantrums that are negative and discouraging. You’ll spend time studying the game and taking notes, breaking down your encounters with women, and you’ll create material on your own. A large component to becoming successful with women is time. You won’t turn into an player overnight. The best analogy I can use to describe the game is bodybuilding. Within a short amount of time, you’ll see big gains and experience euphoric confidence boosts, followed by peaks and valleys where you’ll lose or gain muscle mass depending on how motivated or healthy you are. There’s no end to bodybuilding, but there is a time when you look at the mirror and say, “I’m happy with what I see.” Within two months of serious entry into the game, you’ll accomplish many things you haven’t done before. Maybe you’ll make your first approach, finger a girl on the dance floor, or get a one-night stand. If you’re a complete beginner, within one year you’ll see your early game strengthen, only to then see your middle game mess things up. Within the second year, your early and middle game will be much better, but then your end game will be begging for improvement. It’s not until after year two, with constant practice, that you’ll be proficient with all stages of game. At this point, other guys will notice your skill and you’ll begin to teach and advise a new generation of males who want to enter the game. Eventually you’ll reach end game, a game of no game. By then it may be hard for you to teach the minute details you once agonized over because you will have internalized the best techniques. You’ll no longer notice the hundreds of small things you do to attract women Keep in mind that there are many ways to skin a cat. Often you’ll hear game advice that seems contradictory, such as calling a girl the same night versus calling in four days, telling her you like her versus always being indirect, or paying for dates versus never paying. It’s not that any of these statements are necessarily right or wrong—what matters is what type of guy they apply to. For every man there is an infinite range of game he could play, but there’s a small range that will serve him best. This book presents an easily adaptable game that works well for most men, based on sound rules that drive human behavior and rigorously tested escalation steps that will take you from one stage to the next. However, it will ultimately be up to you to add to this game, injecting your own flavor to make it have the most impact for you. There’s a point of diminishing return where learning new information without acting on it does little to further your skill. If you give a basement boy 1,000 books on seduction, he’ll be no better off in one year because he’ll spend all that time reading instead of doing. It’s better to give him one resource and then push him onto the field to get experience. You can read the complete works of Casanova, but it won’t put you at 1% of his game unless you get out and put his methods into practice. A book like mine can only push you onto the field with enough know-how to allow you to master the game on your own. Regardless of your current skill level or your past failures, consider this a new beginning. Not only will you get better results with women, but the confidence you’ll gain will improve other aspects of your life as well. What you’re about to read is a blunt and straight-forward discussion on getting laid.  1 INTERNAL GAME Internal game is the game that goes on inside your head—the thoughts and beliefs that affect your behavior and ultimately how others respond to you. For example, if you have a belief that appearance is very important in getting laid and you’re not a good-looking guy, you’ll talk to fewer girls and get laid less often. How you think about appearance, masculinity, and the concept of game will tie into your results. Before we get to actual game, let’s make sure your mind believes in a reality that will benefit you most. Game, Not Appearance I’ve never considered myself a good-looking guy. In college I’d look in the mirror and see big ears, acne, and a hairy, pudgy body. I didn’t like what I saw and thought most girls probably wouldn’t like what they saw either. As a result, I didn’t even bother trying to get laid for most of college. Believing I didn’t have the right look paralyzed me from talking to girls, so I never even developed the most basic skills to interact with them. I was easy-going and funny with friends, but nervous and awkward around girls. What I didn’t realize was that girls don’t see me the same way I see myself. While there are consistent patterns for what makes humans appear attractive, your look is perceived differently in the eyes of different girls. This means that while Jane thinks you’re a hideous beast, Stacy may think you have extra character. Rachel thinks you’re big and awkward, but Lauren thinks you’ll be able to protect her. The first thing you see when you look in the mirror might be a big nose or a balding head, but girls don’t zero in on these features—they absorb your entire look and presence. The insecure man, simply through his unattractive body language, tells a girl that he’s not a worthy sexual partner. His meek eye contact and slouchy appearance is a physical manifestation of his thinking about himself and the importance of his appearance.  Even if most females on the planet think you’re a monster, it’s better to believe that looks don’t matter so you’re at least able to make a confident showing for the handful of girls who don’t mind your appearance. With the addition of game, you’ll be able to sleep with girls whose first impression of your look is less than favorable. After getting into the game, I made some superficial changes to my appearance. I lost my fuzzy mustache and cut my hair, I bought trendy clubbing clothes, and I worked out at the gym to build up my muscles. But was I really becoming a better-looking guy? I doubt it. When I compare pictures of myself now (shaggy, Jesus-looking) and one year after I entered the game, I looked more youthful, polished, and stylish then—at a time when I got less sex. While things like style and body size are noticed by women, it’s your game that plays the biggest role in making you appear more or less attractive. (Do you really think it matters if you’re putting gel in your hair or not?) Now I get complimented on my appearance and am approached fairly regularly, even though I put barely any more energy into looking good than my Nike sweatshirt days. If you think appearance is important and you consider yourself unattractive, you’ve doomed yourself to spending most of your time behind a computer. You need to have the belief that game, not appearance, is important, and then go out there and play the hand you’ve been dealt. It’s true that the better looking you are, the easier things will be (you’ll be able to attract girls on looks alone and say things that other guys would get drinks thrown on them for). A below-average-looking man will have to work harder than a good-looking man to get the same results. Instead of only approaching three girls to get a number, an unattractive man may have to approach ten. While it isn’t fair that a man has to work harder simply because of bad genetic luck, consider the bright side: his game will be better and more honed than the good-looking guy who didn’t have to work for it. Once his looks fade (and they will) he won’t have as much to fall back on. Let’s say you have hard genetic luck when it comes to your appearance. I’d compare you to a tennis athlete born with little natural ability. You have to practice six hours a day while the natural athlete practices two hours— yet he still creams you in most matches. However, because you’re committed and disciplined, you still stick with the game and pull out enough wins to make money on the circuit. You’ll never be a superstar or top-ten-ranked player, but you’ll be able to do what you enjoy, make an upper class living, and enjoy sex from your stable of groupies. Nature Vs. Nurture You may have the belief that you must be born with the ability to talk to women and that it’s either in you or it’s not. When you go to a bar and see a guy having the time of his life with both of his arms around beautiful girls while you sit there in the corner with a warm beer in your hand not having said a word to a pretty girl all week, it can be hard to imagine yourself being like him. One year after I got into the game, I went to a wine festival with two female coworkers. I was approaching girls regularly by then, but it was mostly confined to loud clubs. Walking around this farm in Virginia on a 100-degree day, I saw a tall, curvy girl wearing high-heel cork sandals matched with a skimpy outfit. I noticed that the girls were checking her out as much as the guys. I stalked her at that wine festival, fantasizing about her like every other guy. An hour later, I looked to my left and saw her standing under a tent with her back toward me. I walked up to her from behind, touched her upper-back tattoo, and asked, “What does this mean?” I banged her three weeks later. I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me a year earlier that I’d pull one of the hottest girls at a huge public gathering just by sneaking up on her and touching her. To me, it would have seemed impossible, something that just wasn’t in me, something I wasn’t born to do. No more than 10% of men have an innate ability to talk to girls, to build attraction, and to rack up more notches in a year than most men get in their lifetimes. To them, playing the game isn’t work—it’s like hanging out with friends. For reasons you can maybe trace to their genes, parents, or childhood, they became very good with women and possess a skill so ingrained that they can’t even explain what it is they do. So what options do the other 90% have, like myself? Do I settle for fat, ugly woman? Do I wait until I meet a homely girl at work to marry? Do I get rich in the hopes that I can use my wealth to land a hot but shallow girl? Or do I study the game like I would study a subject in school? You don’t need to be born with game—like sailing or motorcycle riding, you can become proficient at it with practice and training. If you think you have flaws that prevent you from becoming good, realize that the naturals have flaws as well. When guys see me approach pretty girls in a bar with ease, they don’t attribute my ability to years of practice; they tell me I was born to do it, perhaps to make it easy for them to rationalize their own lack of action. The fact is, I got good at it by using old-fashioned hard work. “Look, I’m sure with some work I can be good at the game, but I just want to find one girl who is hot and nice. I don’t want to spend every week in some smoky club talking to a lot of snobby bitches.” This is a statement I hear often from men who believe they should get an immediate return on their game investment, but just as with stocks, it takes time to see meaningful gains, especially since hot and nice girls are always in high demand. There’s a long line of guys out there who are willing to do almost anything to be with quality girls—you included. What do you bring to the table? Can you attract her better than another man? Why should she sleep with you? Unless you answered, “Because my game is tight and I think I’m the shit,” you’re not going to get that girl. Simply being nice to her in hopes she’ll want to bang isn’t going to work. While she may not want a player, she does want a quality man who’s experienced and knows what he’s doing. It’s important to realize that it will take a significant investment on your part before you start getting quality girls. Confidence Talk to anyone about getting better with girls and the word confidence will be tossed out quickly. Confidence is believing you’re capable and worthy of success. A confident man dives into situations that are critical to his goals, regardless of the perceived chance of failure. He rarely shows fear or hesitation. His power is visible, his shoulders back, and his eyes up, to face whatever crosses his path. When you interact with a confident man, you’re drawn to him, not only because you think he is successful, but because you think you’ll also succeed just by spending time with him.  Experience brings confidence because experience makes you more capable. Once you’re capable, you no longer go into situations fearful and expecting failure. Instead, you feel good about your odds. This is why the phrase “fake it till you make it” is popular in self-improvement circles. Until you get the real confidence that results from an increasing amount of success, fake your confidence by gathering experiences that will eventually lead to that success. How can you go from zero confidence to having enough to approach beautiful women? The best way is to experience success with women. Nothing gives you more confidence than banging a hot girl. If you’re not there yet, the other way is to improve how you look. There are no other ways! Earlier I discussed that appearance isn’t that important. This is true when it comes to attracting girls, but a relative improvement to your appearance will give you a short-term confidence boost, which will help you approach girls. Your goal is to improve your self-image by making a change that will put you in a better mood to approach and game. This change can be in the form of a lasting improvement, like working out at the gym (a reliable confidence booster) or something more superficial that gets you excited about going out, like changing your hairstyle, growing facial hair, or buying a new outfit. Right now you only need enough confidence to make that first cold approach. Then you’ll build off that first approach to push further, until you’re approaching higher quality girls in tough situations. Very soon your confidence will come from minor successes that will then give you the motivation and drive to continue. Even things like having a two-minute conversation with a model is a success that you can build off of. A confidence boost gets you in the game, but it’s sexual success that keeps you in, giving you real confidence that lasts. Your confidence will build like a snowball rolling downhill. Alphas And Betas If you’ve ever watched the Discovery Channel, you’ve probably seen a program featuring gorillas that shows how the silverback male performs doggy-style sex on the females in his tribe, followed by footage of the beta gorillas masturbating in a corner. In the ape world, the alpha male’s dominance comes from his large physical size, a trait female gorillas select for. (If this were true for humans, the only guys getting laid would be meatheads.) Beta male gorillas accept their low position until they’re ready to take a risk, either by challenging the alpha male or by starting their own tribe. The alpha/beta hierarchy isn’t much different among humans. Beta males accept their low position and let a minority of alphas bang most of the desirable women until they’re ready to work on becoming alpha males themselves. Back when humans lived in tribes, there were no books or tools to teach them about human psychology, behavior, or seduction. If you were a beta when you hit puberty, chances were you’d be a beta for life. But now that the right behavior and attitude can be identified and studied, it’s much easier for today’s man to become an alpha male. First let’s take a look at the average beta male. His number one defining trait is a fear of going after what he desires. He doesn’t pursue what he wants because he doesn’t think he’s capable of getting it. He worries about other people’s needs before his own. He quietly accepts being disrespected. He seeks out his identity in areas unrelated to his masculinity, such as his cubicle job. He’s passive in bed and waits for permission before escalating intimacy. He rationalizes his failure with women (and life) by attributing it to reasons outside of his control. He believes the best way to be successful with women is having incredibly good looks and lots of money. The alpha male, on the other hand, lives much differently. First and foremost, he does what he wants to do. He doesn’t concern himself with personal rejection or social failure. His needs, wants, and feelings come before anyone else’s. No one’s judgment, dirty looks, opinions, or laughter is going to stop him from getting what he wants. He doesn’t ask for permission. If he wants to have sex with a girl, he uses his knowledge and skills to try to make it happen. His actions stem from desire instead of insecurity. The alpha male doesn’t qualify himself. He doesn’t explain his faults or failures. He accepts himself, for better or worse. He doesn’t brag about his success. He doesn’t need to be validated by a woman because he knows that she can’t give him what he can’t give himself. Criticism or praise has only a temporary effect on him because he has already accepted his strengths and weaknesses. The alpha male doesn’t care about what other people think of him. He presents himself in a way that makes him feel most comfortable. He picks up on something because he likes it and it fits him, not because it’s a trend or something he is “supposed” to do. He doesn’t look in the mirror every ten minutes to fix his hair. He doesn’t concern himself with getting fake tans or body hair waxes. The alpha male doesn’t make apologies for being a man who has sexual needs. He doesn’t hide his intentions with women, so they know how to provide him with what he wants. If a woman isn’t comfortable with sex, he moves on and finds one who is. He isn’t going to wait for a woman to serve his needs. He’s not concerned if a woman rejects him in the bedroom—if he doesn’t get it from her, he’ll get it from someone else. As a sexual being, he expects women to be sexual as well. The alpha male lives in his own reality. He leads interactions the way he prefers by controlling the tempo and initiating the escalation. He believes it’s in a woman’s nature to submit to a strong man. He understands that if he doesn’t worry about his needs, a girl won’t worry about them either. He doesn’t let the woman lead the interaction because it will result in her getting what she wants (attention and validation) at his expense. The alpha male has high expectations of women. He doesn’t do nice things for them without expecting something in return. He expects a girl who has his attention to be physically attractive, interesting, and sexually secure. If a girl tells him she’ll only have sex after months of dating, he won’t pursue her. He makes it clear that he’s not on this Earth to service her with free alcohol or food. Everything she gets from him must be earned. Most importantly, the alpha male is always willing to walk away. His power over women lies in the time and energy he chooses to spend with them. He understands that such a mindset will be noticed by the women he meets, and they will treat him with care and respect as a result. He makes it clear, by controlling the amount of attention he gives, that he won’t tolerate disrespectful or frigid behavior. If she doesn’t like his attitude, she’s free to find someone else who will put up with her, because he knows there are many women who know how to behave. No matter how much work he has put into a certain woman, he won’t hesitate to drop her if she isn’t responding the way he wants. The willingness to walk away, above all other factors, does more to tell a woman of your high value than any amount of money can. You must be prepared to follow through and to fully believe that you’ll never see or hear from her again, because women instinctively know when you’re faking. Like Robert De Niro in Heat, you must be ready to leave without hesitation. While many girls won’t chase you to get you back, the ones who do will respect your terms and dive into your reality. In the end, that’s what the game is about—getting what you want the way you want, without having to sacrifice your beliefs or values. No man becomes an alpha male overnight, but in a short time, by adopting the alpha beliefs, you’ll notice that both women and men will treat you more positively and with more respect. One of the fastest ways to become alpha is to study one, just like Jane Goodall studied silverbacks in the wild. Watch how he interacts with other people and take note not just of his words but how he says them. Since asking someone how they accomplish something is less valuable than observing it with your own eyes, you don’t even have to talk to an alpha male personally to learn from his behavior. Sometimes the only difference between alpha and beta males is the intent, not the behavior. For example, they both can be seen paying for dates or holding a door open, but beta males do these things to please and impress women while alpha males do them because it makes them feel good and helps achieve their goals. I don’t buy a drink for a woman on a date to please her. I buy it to loosen her up. I don’t call in two days after getting her number because I’m afraid she’ll forget about me. I call because that’s when I want to talk to her. The reason why you do things, your intent, is automatically subcommunicated to women. A woman knows if you’re trying to impress her or not. In the celebrity world, where famous actors and musicians are making millions of dollars, why is that that a handful of guys such as Lenny Kravitz, Matthew McConaughey, and Leonardo DiCaprio always get the hottest women? It can’t be their money, because all their male peers have it, too, and it can’t be their looks, because most Hollywood men are blessed with beautiful genetics.  It’s because they’re alpha males. Because of that, they have their pick of the most beautiful women in the world. Your Mind Is Slow Once you start practicing the game and learning from your experiences, you can make quick adjustments that will increase your results immediately. However, your mind is much slower to change. It lags months behind your experience and needs constant reinforcement for the correct beliefs to stick. You can tell yourself that you’re willing to walk away a hundred times, but until you do it repeatedly, your mind won’t believe you. Live out the correct behavior as if you believe it—until you really believe it. Internal game is the first thing you need to start working on, but it’s the last thing you’ll master.  2 EARLY GAME The approach is the most important part of your game. If you master only one skill, it should be the approach. No matter how much of a loser you may think you are right now, learning to approach will automatically increase what you’ve gotten before. There are girls out there who will sleep with you while both conscious and sober, but not until you approach them. Even if you approach with absolutely zero game and without the ability to construct a complete sentence, there’s going to be at least one girl who will bang you because you happened to catch her at the right moment. Until guys set aside their insecurities and limitations and accept that they need to get this part of their life handled, the fear of rejection will remain a monster that looms in the back of their minds. Approaching a random girl without any introduction, completely cold, may seem insane, nerve-racking, and impossible. The reason for these feelings is because men have evolved to not approach. In the book Mean Genes, Terry Burnham and Jay Phelan reflect back to the time when our ancestors lived in tribes of a few dozen people. Everyone in the tribe was connected in some way, so making a move on a certain girl without reciprocation ensured that you’d be gossiped about and ridiculed. At worst, approaching a girl who was having sex with a powerful member of the tribe meant ejection from the group—and possibly even death. Therefore, it was a bad idea to approach unless you were sure the girl already liked you. Our tribal history is millennia past, but men still operate as if we lived in those small groups. Unless the average guy gets positive signals that a particular girl likes him, he does absolutely nothing. The fact that this fear of approaching is hardwired into our brain becomes obvious when you ask any man to walk up to a hot woman and say hello. Without even thinking about it, his heart starts beating faster, his face flushes, and his mind fills with worry. He’ll hesitate and make excuses for why he can’t do it. We can’t change our genes, so there will always be some fear, but the worry of being ostracized or sent off to die are no longer reasons for inaction. With some guys it’s not just a fear of approaching women, but a fear of talking to them as well. Shyness is a trait that many guys who are unsuccessful with women possess, but when it comes to shyness, genetics are no match for environmental pressure. While your genes determine your shyness level, you can overcome them by persistently taking social risks until the fear becomes just a low-level annoyance. What’s great about the game is that it serves to rid you of your shyness while simultaneously increasing your skill at banging women. Short of seeing a therapist or taking mind-altering drugs that have dubious effects, the smartest course of action is to face your fear head-on. I don’t care if your heart is about to explode from your chest, if your face is redder than a tomato, if you can barely breathe, or if you’re on the floor having a seizure while foaming from the mouth—you’re going to look a girl in the eyes, open your mouth, and say the words. If you can’t do that— if you can’t contract your vocal cords to produce a sound in the presence of another human being, you may want to contemplate building a cabin in the woods where no girls will bother you. When I was a little kid, I used to run and grab my mother’s leg whenever a stranger was present. If I could get over my extreme shyness with hard work, anyone can. I have no sympathy for a man who can’t put himself through uncomfortable situations to get what he truly wants. If he can’t do this for himself, he doesn’t deserve the sympathy of those who did go through the hardship, pain, and discomfort. Rejection Is A Beautiful Thing With any task you do, whether it’s related to women, sports, or any other type of game, there are a certain number of times you must fail until you succeed. Each act of failure puts you one step closer to success. During an important presentation at work in front of thirty scientists, I interchanged the words lactose and lactate several times. That was like showing up for a meeting in the Oval Office without wearing pants. While I was embarrassed afterward, it taught me simple but essential rules of how to plan and construct a presentation for educated professionals. With each presentation I got better, until I was the preferred person to present data generated by our group. But without those initial mistakes, I wouldn’t have been able to polish my skills. Not doing anything may prevent you from failure, but because you make no attempt, it prevents you from success as well. This principle is especially important when it comes to women because you need to rack up a boatload of rejections to understand how to be really good with them. I’ve been rejected more than most guys I know, but I’ve also been with more women than most guys I know. You try more, you get more—there’s no secret to it. The number of attempts you have to make to reach a level of success goes down as you gain experience and skill. For example, when I first started I had to approach about twenty girls to get a single number. Now I need to approach maybe three. I improved because I learned from all those prior rejections. At the time, those rejections stung and I didn’t feel that great about myself, but now they’re fodder for humorous stories. The human brain does an amazing job of downplaying failure while glorifying success. The second reason I’m a fan of rejection is because it maximizes your results. The most uncomfortable rejection I can think of is the head turn when you go in for a kiss. This usually leads to an awkward moment—even more than when a girl blows you off during an approach. However, I now believe that the head turn isn’t a bad rejection at all, because it means you’re not wasting kisses. If you’ve never gotten rejected trying to kiss a girl, it means there are several girls you could have kissed but didn’t— simply because you didn’t try. Rejection tells you that you’re pushing to get all you can. A man who doesn’t get rejected is one who isn’t reaching his true potential. Rejection also tells you exactly where you stand with a particular girl. There’s no better way to tell if a girl likes you than by seeing if she minds your tongue down her throat. The information you get by taking an encounter further is more valuable than advice you may receive from friends who don’t know all the subtle details of the relationship. In college, during exam days, I heard a lot of excuses as tests were being distributed. People hadn’t gotten enough sleep or they hadn’t had time to study as much as they wanted to. A lot of my classmates were scared that if they really studied hard and gave it their all—and still did poorly on the test —it would be a rejection of their intelligence. So they went through college never knowing the limits of their test-taking ability. That type of protective strategy only served to soothe their egos. Right now you have to decide if you’re going to concern yourself with protecting your ego or with maximizing your results. When you get rejected by a girl, there’s only one thought that should be in your head: “It’s her loss.” Even if you said the lamest shit in the world or accidentally spilled your drink on her, it’s still her loss. If you tripped in front of her and she laughed at you, it’s her loss. You need to adopt this mindset for a few reasons. First, it prevents you from dwelling on bad encounters while there are other opportunities around you. A rejection shouldn’t end your night prematurely. Second, it increases your perceived value. Say “It’s her loss” enough times and your brain can’t help but believe it, and soon you’ll start expecting girls to work harder to gain your attention. Finally, it prevents you from wanting to change your game after a particularly bad encounter. If you have a solid line that bombs on one girl and you don’t think “It’s her loss,” you may be tempted to remove that line from your repertoire, even though it works most of the time. A guy who wishes to avoid rejection often has the most pride. He thinks, “Why should I approach her and maybe get rejected when she’s just a stupid bar rat who happens to be attractive?” But if he’s confident with his standing and ability, there’s no reason for him to care about what a random girl thinks. Pride is just another defense mechanism to protect the ego—it gives men an excuse to avoid failures that may cause embarrassment or discomfort. Guys with pride are actually hiding their fear of rejection behind a “too cool for school” air that only fools themselves. A lack of pride teaches you to be a humble student, someone who accepts short-term failure for long-term success. A man without pride understands that rejection is okay because not every girl is able to quickly notice his positive qualities during an approach. Even though most of your approaches won’t result in sex, you have to do them anyway. You must go into situations knowing that the odds are you’ll fail. You have to accumulate enough experience so that you will be 100% prepared for the times when they will lead to something. You have to make those ten long-shot approaches to get the one that turns out to be easier than it seemed. As you rack up experience, avoid letting your historical average dictate your behavior. It’s common to think something like, “I’ve usually done poorly in this type of situation, so I’m not going to do it this time.” Historical averages aren’t indicative of future results, because your skill level will always be improving. A specific approach you bombed at a couple months ago may be easy for you today. Taking advantage of as many opportunities as possible ensures that chances for success aren’t missed. What’s The Worst That Can Happen? It’s easy for a guy to psyche himself out of an approach by imagining the worst case scenario and how awful it would feel. This is more than enough to stop guys dead in their tracks, praying that the girl has more balls than he has and approaches him instead (she won’t). The negative outcome of an approach is usually benign, but I can tell you what can happen in a worst case scenario—because it happened to me once in Baltimore, Maryland. A great training ground for practicing game is in the mega-clubs of Baltimore, where the vibe is more friendly than other East Coast cities. One of the biggest clubs there was a place called Hammerjacks, a former rock music venue that shut down and reopened as a generic dance club. One night my friends and I were doing our usual thing—grinding with random girls. After the club closed, we milled outside, where club-goers congregate until the cops send everyone home. It was here you’d see a type of Hail Mary game where guys gave one last and often unsuccessful push to get in a girls pants. In the parking lot, I decided to try some new material I’d thought of. I walked up to a cute white girl standing by herself and said, “Wow, you look drunk!” After the words came out, I wondered why I thought that would be a good opener, but it was too late. She got angry and said, “I’m tired of guys treating me like shit tonight. What the fuck is wrong with you?” I stood there silent, unsure of what to say next. I think it was my silence that gave her permission to continue being aggressive because things quickly got out of hand. She starting cursing and repeating the phrase, “I’m going to fuck you up.”  My friends arrived from the other side of the parking lot and tried to calm her down, but she wanted to fight me and nothing was going to change her mind. I’m not sure why I didn’t move farther away from her, especially when she started cocking her neck back and forth like a chicken, but the next thing I remember was a fist coming right at my face. I leaned back, but she clocked me in my left eye. My friends grabbed her and I walked away with my hand on my face, shocked and embarrassed. I couldn’t believe I had just gotten punched in the face by a girl. On the ride home there was lots of laughter at my expense as I checked the passenger seat mirror for signs of a black eye. I went to sleep and woke up a humbled man. The next time I went out, I couldn’t bring myself to do a single approach. I was scared that I’d say the wrong thing again and incite female rage. Then I thought about it. That rare and extreme event was the worst thing that could have happened to me, yet only my ego was injured. The meaning of what had happened could be whatever I made it out to be, positive or negative, so I might as well go positive. I could let one girl change my life, ending my journey to be a player right then and there in that parking lot, or I could barrel through that failure to reach the next success— which I was one gigantic step closer to achieving. Weeks after that incident, I became an approach machine, without hesitation or fear. If the worst that can happen from approaching a woman is an embarrassing but funny story, maybe getting punched in the face isn’t so bad. Now you don’t have to get punched in the face to be successful with your approaches, but you must have the belief that everything happens for the sole reason of improving your game. The last thing you want to do is let a rare incident affect your behavior. Scientists call these extreme responses the “outliers,” which do nothing to contribute to the statistical significance of your hypothesis. Put simply, they don’t matter. Instead, look at things in terms of the big picture. What’s the trend? What happened with the last ten girls you approached? If seven of them punched you in the face but three of them wanted to bang you right there in the club bathroom, I’d say you’re doing quite well. It’ll be hard to last long in the game if your brain absorbs every negative incident like a dirty bar rag. That drunk white girl in Baltimore wasn’t only punching me but also my lame line, the guy who grabbed her ass in the club, and the friend who refuses to return her Hootie and the Blowfish CD. She wasn’t rejecting me—she was rejecting my approach because she didn’t know who I was. The only time a girl rejects you for who you are is when she has known you for years. When she knows you for a minute, a day, a week, or a month, you’re not getting rejected for who you are— you’re getting rejected for who she thinks you are. She’s using a small slice of what you presented to place you in a category she can understand. Because we have no final say in how women see us, it makes little sense to absorb rejection as something personal. Unfortunately, I see guys taking it personally every time I go out. When a guy approaches a girl and gets blown out, you’ll often hear him say something like, “Well, you’re fat anyway” in the presence of his safe group of guy friends. Once you start verbally attacking your targets, your game goes from trying to maximize results to one of pitiful revenge. Approach Barrier The likelihood that you’ll approach a girl is related to your mood. Your mind won’t be open or ready to approach if you’ve been especially introverted, silent, or mopey most of the day. Those qualities shut down your ability to take social risks, which we do in the form of approaches. It’s best to train yourself to be “always on” in an extroverted, talkative, and risk-taking state of mind that will increase the likelihood of approaching. Think of yourself as a computer, which you leave on during the day even when you’re not using it because of the time it takes to boot up. You don’t want to go through the task of psyching yourself up just to say something to a girl you like in line at the coffee shop. The game doesn’t start when you put on your cologne to go out at night—it starts when you’re brushing your teeth in the morning and thinking, “Today I’ll take advantage of opportunities presented to me.” You pump yourself up before you even walk out the door, so if you do run into a cute girl, the decision to act has already been made. If you find yourself in an amazing mood where you’re feeling especially positive and energetic, it’d be smart to get yourself in a place where there are girls. This is a peak state that corresponds to a higher level of success. Part of your mood is based on how presentable you feel to the opposite sex. If you haven’t showered in days, you’re wearing wrinkled clothing picked out of the hamper, and you feel like a homeless bum wearing them, you’ll be more hesitant to approach. You don’t have to wear expensive clothes, but when you step out the house, regardless of where you’re going, assume there you’re going to encounter a golden approach opportunity. Would you feel comfortable talking to a girl in what you’re wearing? I used to only shave on Friday mornings to prepare for going out on the weekends. Then when I’d step out on the following Wednesday or Thursday, looking scraggly and not my best (in my mind), I created a situation where it was unlikely I’d approach. Looking mediocre except for the weekends meant I was walking out the door five days a week mentally prepared to do nothing. I was needlessly increasing the “activation energy” to approach. Activation energy is a well-understood biochemistry concept. One of the first things a biochemist learns is how chemical reactions occur in the body. Your genome codes for thousands of enzymes which act as catalysts to promote reactions that wouldn’t happen on their own. Enzymes make things happen. For any chemical reaction to take place, it must get over a hump known as the activation energy, which is a natural barrier that prevents the original substance from converting to the final product. Getting over that hump is like pushing a rock over a hill—once it passes the top, gravity takes over and it rolls down with ease. Think of approaching women as a chemical reaction with a large activation energy. The enzyme is your brain, full of knowledge and (as time goes on) experience. As you build confidence and become capable, you lower the activation energy, turning the approach from something that never happens on its own to something that happens regularly. One way to lower the activation energy is to go out with a look you feel comfortable with. Each change that makes you feel more comfortable and confident isn’t that significant on its own, but they all have the cumulative effect of helping to push you over that hill. If the barrier to approach didn’t exist, every guy would approach every cute girl he saw. Venues While some venues are easier to approach in than others, women can be approached anywhere. There are no rules about where you can or cannot game, but when starting out you’ll probably make most of your approaches in bars or clubs because that’s where a large number of women tend to congregate. Bars and clubs are loud, smoky, and artificial, but they offer the most opportunity for practice. There aren’t many other places I can go to that have a dozen or more attractive women I can approach. Bars will be a better bet for you until you get decent at dancing because clubs are louder and the girls there are more concerned with looking pretty than getting laid. While you probably won’t meet your dream girl in a bar or club, you’ll gain enough experience in those venues to be more prepared when you meet her elsewhere. There’s also a question of whether or not you should drink alcohol. You can run game while completely sober in a bar without problems, but chances are you’ll find your intoxicated targets to be intolerable or they’ll find your sobriety weird. As long as you don’t use alcohol as a crutch to talk to girls, do what you’re most comfortable with. In general, it helps to be on the same level of inebriation as the girl you’re talking to. That means if you’re not drinking, you may want to talk to the designated driver instead of the birthday girl who is about to pass out. Two other venues are bookstores and coffee shops. Every time I go into one, there are maybe one or two girls I consider attractive. If a girl isn’t surrounded by her friends or a study group, she’s probably wearing headphones, immersed in her studies, or far away from my table. While I’m hesitant to recommend that you take time out of your day to hit a bookstore to meet women, there is value if you already frequent those places. The key to such venues is proper positioning. If you’re one table over from the girl you want to talk to or better yet, if you’re sharing her table, there’s a significant chance of something happening if you open. An opener, the initial line you use to start a conversation, will come naturally because she’ll probably be reading a book or working on something you can comment on. There’s the internet, which I don’t recommend, even for practice. It’s very rare that trolling on dating or social networking sites will lead to anything besides wasted time. Internet pick-ups turn you into a copy-and- paste monkey, where your skill lies in knowing how to blast dozens of messages in the hope of a single response. While men do get laid from the internet, it’s often with low quality women. If you were a desirable girl that many men wanted, why would you put up an internet profile? The kind of women who hang around dating sites are ones who have trouble cracking it in a real social scene and would rather sit in a comfortable chair and click through hundreds of emails from horny men. The internet gives them attention and validation without having to leave the house or take a risk. Also, with the disproportional number of guys on dating websites, your message and picture will be lost in a sea of other desperate men. There are house parties. Parties can serve you well because a girl’s guard will be low due to the fact that she’s in the company of people she knows and trusts. When you approach at a house party, girls will go out of their way to be nice, even if they’re not interested at first. Keeping a conversation going is often easier because your background or friends will be similar. Always choose a house party over a bar, even if it’s a small one, because your odds will be much more favorable. Organized settings like wine festivals, music concerts, fitness classes, sporting events, art festivals, and dance classes will also present opportunities. Such venues work similar to bookstores and coffee shops, where good positioning is important. If you’re in an exercise bike class, being on the bike next to the girl you like is better than being several bikes over. While luck plays a part in positioning, it’s still up to you to open her. If you’re at a venue that’s an extension of your hobby, chances are that conversations will be easier, since you already have something in common to talk about. There’s the classroom. I wish I was in college again knowing what I know now. I’d sit next to the hottest girl and start a casual conversation related to the class. Not only do you have something in common, but you have a great excuse to take it outside of the classroom—to “study,” where you can really game her. There’s the gym. While usually a sausage fest, it could be a great place to meet fit girls. If you like to take it easy in the gym while talking to your friends, approaching may be a natural extension of what you normally do. However, if your workouts are hard and you regularly drown in a sea of your own sweat, changing gears to focus on approaching may prove difficult.  There’s the mall. While it’s the last place I’d personally go to meet women, you may live in a place where the mall is your only option. Under the guise of shopping for a female relative, prowl stores asking female salespeople and girl shoppers for their opinions on various products. Then there’s everything else: airplanes, airports, buses, subways, outdoor parks, restaurants, and even the street. Wherever women are, it’s possible to approach them. The only limits to where you meet women exist in your head. I remember one time I got the number of a 17-year-old girl who was walking with a pizza while I was sitting in the passenger seat of a friend’s car. When it comes to finding girls, being creative is important, because every man lives in a different environment. You may not live in a big city with a couple hundred bars, but you do have the old town center where there are crowded weekend concerts. The main idea is to go where the women are and figure out the best way to approach them through experimentation. To get you started, I’m going to share with you the best ways to approach for the most common venues. The Approach It would make sense if I said you should take baby steps before you start approaching. First you should learn how to make eye contact with women. Then you should add a smile. Then you should practice just saying, “Hi.” While you’re at it, you should train yourself to be an outgoing people- person by chatting with strangers in line with you at the convenience store. But I think all of that is unnecessary. You’ve probably been living in a nice social comfort zone your entire life —there’s little point to continue playing it safe and easy. You must dive right in and shock your system today. The next woman you talk to is one you want to have sex with, not one you want to simply practice having a conversation with. This strategy ensures that there will be no unnecessary lag before your first success, where you waste time on side missions that give you little preparation for the real thing. It starts now. When you’re first starting out, it’s best to approach women who aren’t already connected to your life, so girls from work or in your social circle should be avoided for now. Fail with them and gossip ensures that everyone you know will find out about your attempt, something that may be traumatizing for a new student of the game. When I made my first approaches several years ago, I had little idea about how to interact with a new girl, how to build attraction, or how to close, but I ended up talking to them for extended periods of time and got numbers based on what I already knew as a man. When you want to get into a girl’s pants and your intent is strong, you come up with ways in real time to keep the interaction going, even though later on you may laugh at your attempt. You don’t need to be a game expert to get laid. You don’t need to master everything in this book to start approaching girls. All you need is a little knowledge and the strong desire to succeed. Realize that there will never be a perfect moment to approach. The idea of the “perfect moment” is a belief held by guys who never approach. If you sit and wait until the moment is right, you only end up psyching yourself out while her group gets larger, the situation gets more complicated, or she ends up leaving. When you’re a beginner, there’s no benefit to waiting more than five seconds when you spot a girl, unless she’s running to the bathroom with her hand over her mouth. As Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” I approach girls who just walk into bars, are on their way to the bathroom, or are fighting through a crowd to get a drink. When you see a girl you like, pick the opener you want to use, go up to her, and deliver it. Even if your mind is completely blank, just say “Hey,” because there’s a chance she’ll help you out with conversation. Some guys have the belief that girls don’t want to be approached, but it shouldn’t be up to her what you decide to do. If you like her, go up to her and make an attempt. What she thinks really doesn’t matter. An actual approach takes only a few seconds. You see a girl you like, maneuver close to her, and then deliver your opening line. When it comes to learning how to approach, success isn’t measured by whether you’re able to get a conversation going or not, but whether you approach. The attempt is more important than the result. Just say the words. In the grand scheme of things, no one approach is going to break you. Each one is just a drop in the bucket, so don’t let a tough rejection get you down or detour you from pursuing your final goal.  To open, simply walk up to a girl, stop two feet away from her, look in her eyes, and deliver your line. She’ll see you as you walk toward her and expect you to say something once you stop. Your body should face her at a slight glancing angle to show that she still needs to prove herself before you’ll give her your complete attention. If you’re planted and she’s walking by you, make eye contact and deliver the line as she’s moving, understanding that it may take a second or two for her to realize you were talking to her. In both cases, speak loudly. Many times a girl may seem to ignore you, not because she was trying to snub you but because she didn’t hear you or didn’t know you were talking to her. In clubs, I often have to yell my opener. You want to speak loud enough so that there’s no doubt that you’re talking to her. There are two multi-purpose openers you can use almost anywhere. The first is, “Hey, you look like you’re having the most fun here out of anyone.” When used in a bar or club, it’s said with enthusiastic sarcasm to match the mood of the venue. When said everywhere else, it’s said with relaxed sarcasm, unless she really is having lots of fun. Then you can just say it straight. Say the “hey” with a healthy volume to get her attention so that she’ll make eye contact with you. Once she does, deliver the rest of the line. Always crack a slight smirk to let her know that you’re being playful. She’ll respond with laughter or something simple like “Really?” or “I know, I am!” She’s now opened. The reason this line works well is because you’re joking that she appears bored, so you start the interaction with her qualifying herself to you. (By qualifying herself, I mean she’s explaining or rationalizing a perceived flaw.) The advantages of this opener are that it’s easy to deliver and doesn’t need adjustment based on where you are. The disadvantage is that you’ll still need something else to continue the conversation. When you’re opening a group of girls, simply add the word “guys.” Say, “Hey, you guys look like you’re having the most fun here out of anyone.” Again, keep your volume up, to make sure they all hear it—you don’t want the conversation to start with someone asking, “What did you say?” When I use this opener, I follow up with, “I thought I was having the most fun here, but then I saw you. Do you like this bar?” Then I continue making comments about our shared environment or I stack another opener after it, such as the second opener. The second opener is, “Hey, let me guess. You’re from ________.” Like the previous opener, you wait until eye contact is established before continuing after the “hey.” Make sure you do a dramatic two-second pause after you say, “Let me guess.” Feel free to add a slight squint, as if you’re thinking. You’re going to guess where she’s from, whether it be a city, state, or country. I like using this opener on girls who are obviously not American, because you can dive into a guessing game about what country she’s from. It’s win-win for you, because if you get her country wrong, she’ll usually want you to keep guessing, continuing the interaction, and if you guess right, she’ll be impressed and ask how you knew. To double my chances of getting her country right, I cheat a little with something like, “You are either from Argentina or Mexico.” Even with girls who aren’t ethnic, this opener still works well: just guess that they’re half German or Norwegian (there’s a good chance her ancestors will be from somewhere in Europe). For girls who are acting snobby, show that you aren’t impressed with their demeanor by guessing they’re from a place like Romania or West Virginia. As long as a girl doesn’t blow you off after you say “hey,” this opener leads to conversation. If the girl is in a group, say, “Hey, let me guess…you guys are from Argentina,” or “You guys are from Argentina or Colombia,” or “I have a feeling that at least one of you is from Argentina.” This opener works because of the guessing component, so it can easily be modified to start a conversation about almost anything. For instance, if you see a girl writing in a bookstore, you can say, “Let me guess. You’re writing the next great American novel.” If you’re at a concert, you can say, “Let me guess. You’ve been a fan since before they made it big.” You can tone down the initial phrasing of this opener if you’re in a more relaxed venue. In a coffee shop, for example, I’d say, “Hey, I’m just curious…are you from Argentina?” Can you see yourself saying these lines to girls? A monkey could do it. While they’re powerful, even the best opener isn’t going to work all the time, but these are the most effective openers I’ve used. Not coincidentally, they’re also the simplest. As for which one to use in certain situations, you can’t go wrong with either of them. These openers take away the “What am I going to say?” excuse that prevents many guys from talking to a girl they like. Even if you completely freeze after the opener, the fact that you opened and made yourself a presence in her world will dramatically increase your chance of getting something. Understand: a successful opener only serves to start a conversation. They don’t have to be lengthy or complicated. I prefer short and simple openers as my heavy guns because they’re more genuine and easy to deliver. If you need to spend time memorizing your opener, what you’ll have is a routine, which we’ll discuss later. An important type of opener is the environmental opener. This is when your opener is based on something in the surrounding environment. They take improvisational skill to come up with, but open better than their scripted counterparts because they have a natural feel. Oftentimes you’ll be somewhere and have thoughts about what you’re seeing or experiencing. All you have to do is use those thoughts as an opener to a girl near you. For example, one night I was riding in a quiet subway car when a drunk man started singing to himself. I looked at the girl next to me and said, “I think everyone here needs some of what he’s having.” I ended up getting her number. Another example was at a wine festival, where I was sampling a particular wine and sarcastically told a girl, “This is the best wine I’ve ever tasted in my life.” Asking about something unusual or unique a girl has on by saying, “What does that mean?” is also effective. These openers work because they describe her current reality. I end up saying stupid things all the time, but as long as a conversation results, my opener was a success. The bar for environmental openers are lower than for scripted openers—they can be far from perfect and still be very effective. But even if you can’t think of one, you’ll have two sure-fire openers to use. There are some additional bar openers worth mentioning. The first makes fun of the nightlife scene when people are trying hard to be cool. It works on girls who are standing alone or in large groups. Say, “Hey, I was wondering if you can help me out. My friends and I are looking for the best spot here where we can pose.” If you’re dealing with more than one girl, say “hey guys” instead of “hey.” Unless she’s walking past you, always wait for eye contact before continuing the line. She’ll ask you to clarify, and then you’ll repeat “to pose” until she gets it. Then add, “Yeah, because I’ve been working out a lot at the gym, and I just wanted girls to be able to see my new muscles.” This is when a slight smirk develops on your face and the girl will let out a laugh because she’ll finally get your joke. This opener allows you to have a conversation about the things guys and girls do in clubs to get attention and win approval from others. A variant to this opener is when you use dancing instead of posing: “Do you know the best spot here where me and my friend can dance, a place where the lighting is good? My friend is a club dancer and he needs a good spot to show off his moves.” You can then add, “And I’ve been practicing a little bit in front of the mirror myself.” Once the joke is over and a humorous opener plays itself out, say, “All kidding aside” and then follow with the “let me guess” opener (which technically wouldn’t be an opener by that time) or the female opinion routine we’ll discuss shortly. Another bar opener you can use is when a girl accidentally touches you in a crowded bar, which is a common occurrence. Say, “Excuse me, but you touched my back. I really need a lot of personal space.” They’ll often respond with a sarcastic apology. Follow that with a sure-fire opener. When you’re at the bar trying to get a drink and a cute girl is next to you trying to get one, too, say, “I bet you I can get a drink faster than you can.” When a girl is trying to squeeze in next to you at the bar, you can say, “Sorry, this is my bar space—there’s no room for you right now. I need a lot of space.” These openers are silly, but they’re very effective at breaking the ice. It’s hard to go wrong with humor, though for a split second you want her to think you’re serious—until you crack a slight smirk. When I was first studying the game I had dozens of openers organized in a spreadsheet, but it made approaching so complex that I actually approached less. I’d sit and stare at a girl, wondering which opener was best for that particular situation. As a result, I wouldn’t do anything. At this point, you have two default openers that work well in most cases, an environmental opener that lets you open anywhere you have a unique thought or opinion, and a handful of fun bar openers. That’s all you need! It’s best to keep it simple, because too many options lead to paralysis.  Approach Logistics There are other approach details you’ll need to know besides speaking. The first is positioning. She could be alone, with friends, in a circle, in a semi-circle, facing outward, sitting on a bar stool, sitting at a table, or dancing. The perfect setup for you will be a girl standing alone next to the bar facing outward, smiling as you come into view. That said, the perfect setup never happens. You’ll always have to do some maneuvering to place yourself in a position to approach and talk to her. The typical scenario you’ll face is when your target is talking to one or two girlfriends. If she’s just with one other friend, you’ll have to address them both until someone else comes into the picture. Don’t let a single guy in a group of girls stop you from approaching, because chances are he’s trying to bang one of the girls and would welcome another male to distract her friends. Just use your usual opener and include him in the conversation so he doesn’t get insecure and try to blow you off. If you treat the guy with respect, there’s a good chance that he’ll treat you with respect as well—or even assist you. In groups with guys, ask how everyone knows each other. If she happens to say something like, “And my boyfriend is over there,” then you may either want to move on to her friend or politely leave the group. Even if the group is all girls, go ahead and ask, because they may tell you something about their background that you can use later, like a shared school or city. Approaching a girl sitting down is tougher. Other than the walk of shame you have to perform if you fail, the fact that you’re standing while she’s sitting down and relaxed gives her more power than you. Regardless, deliver your standard opener as you normally would. If the interaction continues and she’s giving you positive signals by asking questions, do a “false time constraint,” one of the oldest tricks in the book. Pull up a chair, sit down, and say, “I can only sit down for a minute.” Then continue the conversation like nothing happened. It will be clear if she didn’t want you to sit down because she’ll close up and stop talking to you. No big deal. Just say goodbye, smile, and walk away. Under no circumstance do you ask if you can sit down. Sitting down is important because approaches in which you’re standing and she’s not have a lifespan of less than five minutes.  Once you start talking to her, avoid common mistakes like too much smiling when nothing funny was said, too much bending over when it’s not loud in the room, and too many fast movements due to being nervous and excited. These signs indicate to a girl that the guy probably doesn’t have a lot of experience and is overly happy to be talking to her. If you find yourself using these behaviors, slow things down and lean back. Not only does this act as a way to dissociate yourself from the interaction, but it displays the correct “I don’t care” body language. (Humans tend to lean toward a person who is pulling away from them, whether it be with body language or emotions.) There will be a lot of situations where no textbook answer will be available to guide you. For instance, what if you’re going upstairs and you see a really cute girl coming downstairs? Do you get in her way or do you make a U-turn and start stalking her? (I get in her way and playfully accuse her of going down the wrong side of the stairs.) How about if you approach a group of girls and the one you don’t like is chatting you up the most? Do you continue talking with her in the hopes of incorporating yourself into the group or do you gently reject her and move on to your target? (I talk to her for no more than a minute until I ask the girl I prefer a question that starts a new conversation.) The best way to deal with the hundreds of possible situations that occur in a pick-up is to do something and then take note of the result. If the result wasn’t favorable, try something different next time. This willingness to experiment will quickly get you up to speed with the situations that happen most frequently. It’s through experimentation that you’ll discover a style of game that works best for you. One night I tried to do a little experiment with one-word openers in a large club. I stuck with a simple “hey” or “hi” and tried only those for the entire night. For a reason that’s still not clear to me, I learned that “hey” did a much better job than “hi” at stopping girls and getting their attention. I run a different experiment almost every time I go out, just to see what happens and to discover the style that works best for me. It’s possible that you’re so different from me that “hi” will actually work better than “hey,” but there’s no way to find out unless you try them both. The only time I keep experimentation to a minimum is when it counts—when I’m gaming a girl that I consider above the rest. Then it’s best to use the game I already know works. If you see a girl you like and think about approaching her, you must do it, no matter how difficult or unnatural the situation may appear, even if you feel nervous and know you’re going to bomb. I often find myself in a coffee shop where there is a tough approach at the table next to me. Even if I’m not in the mood and think the odds of a successful approach are zero, I still make myself do it. Not only does this eliminate the fear of approaching over time, but it also teaches you how to deal with tough situations. It won’t be common that a girl you like is going to be standing alone in a place without distraction where everyone knows your name. She’s going to be surrounded by factors that will make it difficult for you, and the sooner you harden your mind to deal with these situations, the faster you’ll get better at handling them. Before I talk about how to build attraction after the opener, let’s take a detour and discuss what attitude, or vibe, girls find most attractive. The Vibe There’s an optimal vibe to possess that will attract most women—one that is effective at hitting their attraction buttons. No matter what you look like or what game style you implement, it gives you the most bang for your time and energy buck, eliminating the need to make game adjustments for different types of girls. It’s what you see in many successful players. Let’s call it The Vibe. Men with The Vibe appreciate and value life. This appreciation leads to desirable qualities women find attractive, such as an acceptance of who you are. You look at the big picture and become indifferent to life’s trivialities. You’re in control of your emotions and don’t let any one person or event break you down. If you believe that your time here on Earth is limited and that your destiny is what you create, it’s impossible to treat approaching and dating and banging as more than a fun diversion to entertain yourself with. When something doesn’t go your way, you respond with humor and wit instead of anger and emotion. You understand that your energy is better suited for the big battles—such as job layoffs or family deaths—and not for rejections by strangers. You’re a surfer riding a wave, adapting to its energy instead of fighting it. You adjust to your environment, getting the most out of the situations you face, whether you’re riding small East Coasters or the monsters of Hawaii. Emotional control is the most important component of The Vibe. With it, your intellect and logic will always be dominant over the more primitive areas of your brain, allowing you to solve problems and make rapid adjustments (it’s hard to make the strategic decisions required of the game if you get easily upset or angry). You don’t have a deep concern over your interactions with women—if you’re doing things “right” or not—because you know one interaction doesn’t determine your value as a human being. Indirectly, having emotional control shows that you’re not needy. You don’t cling to a girl early on when you have your emotions in check. You show that you aren’t counting on any one person or event for your happiness. Women you meet will play their games and wonder why you aren’t reacting like all the other guys. In the process of trying to get you to react and respond, she’ll give you enough attention for you to tighten the attraction hold and to move things forward. Appreciating life means you’re more likely to spend your free time educating yourself with books, travel, and unique experiences. As a result, you’ll always have something interesting to say when you meet a new girl. A desire to become more cultured and mentally sharp gives you an unlimited supply of topics to discuss with intelligence and wisdom, a quality women find attractive. You don’t ask the same boring questions all other guys ask because you understand that to be an interesting person you need to say interesting things, and to say interesting things you need to experience them firsthand. Another result of appreciating life is that you place a high value on your time. You don’t waste it with people who aren’t fulfilling your needs. You’re choosy about the friends you hang out with and the women you date. You have no problem walking away from a girl who isn’t your type, whether it be three minutes or three months into the interaction. You know what quality is and feel that you deserve to have it in your life. A girl is lucky you selected her to hang out with you because you’ll give her the best of what your personality and experience have to offer. While it’s okay to have fun in a bar and talk to average girls for cheap thrills and practice, you’ll commit the bulk of your time and energy to girls who are worth it. Selecting for quality displays that you are quality. A final component of The Vibe is having a playful nature. It’s present in people who have the ability to quickly develop connections with others. Being playful with a sense of humor attracts girls like a magnet because of the positive atmosphere it creates. While you don’t want to be a clown, understand that playfulness is an extremely effective human bonding technique. Your sense of humor can be dry, sharp, or sarcastic, as long as it accurately describes or pokes fun of the world we live in. Being playful doesn’t mean you have to be loud and attention-seeking—it means you put a fun spin on all types of situations you find yourself in. The Vibe uses a strategy to build attraction through personality instead of factors like status, looks, and money. Even if you possess those things, it’s still best to use your personality to attract women because it offers a stronger hook to catch those that are less superficial. There’s always going to be another guy with higher status, better looks, or more money than you, but the odds that he’ll have the same awesome personality are miniscule. Three years after getting into the game, I had my shit together. I had a successful career and lived in a large house in a good neighborhood. I had a motorcycle and bartended part-time at an upscale venue. I had a respectable brand-name wardrobe and I had just ended a short but successful club DJ career. When I met a new girl, I would not-so-casually tell her how cool I was by bringing up my motorcycle, my bartending gig, and my experience as a DJ. On paper I thought I had all the cool qualities a girl needed, but I proceeded to have the worst slump since getting into the game. The reason was because I stopped using my personality to attract girls. Instead I was using accomplishments or status to try to impress her, just like every other guy. After I realized what I was doing, I went back to depending on The Vibe and started withholding information about myself so girls would have to dig to find out more. I went back to being an interesting, mysterious character instead of just another guy who owned a sport bike. You must resist the temptation to brag about all the qualities you think are positive. It’s much better if the girl finds out on her own and wonders what else could be buried inside. Be like a Russian doll, with layers upon layers of substance. By the time she has sex with you, she’ll know less than half of all your positive qualities. As time goes on and she learns more, she’ll get even more hooked on you because you didn’t blurt out your qualities in an obvious attempt to impress her when you first met. The Vibe possesses features that are indirectly communicated to the girls you meet. In other words, it is subcommunicated through exposure to your words and body language. You never say that you value your time or are playful—it becomes a part of your essence that leaks out to those who interact with you. For example, men who value their time tend to be selective about the girls they choose to spend time with. This attitude manifests itself in words when he says things to girls like, “You’re pretty weird” or “You’re too old for me” without conscious effort on his part. It just comes out—and she gets more into him as a result. Instead of teaching you a hundred different lines, it’s more effective to teach you the mindset that produces them. Once you’ve mastered this mindset, talking to girls will be easier and more of them will be interested in you. Conversation, Themes, And Threads One of the biggest problems guys have is running out of things to say after the approach. This is a real problem, because a prolonged silence less than thirty minutes into the conversation is certain death. If I pause for longer than ten seconds during those initial thirty minutes, the pick-up will die. The good news is that later on in the night, and on the first date and after, silences are not only accepted but welcome. They show that you’re not trying too hard to please her. But this is well after she has decided she wants to spend time with you. There are two reasons why silence early on is bad. First, girls don’t have many things to say to people they’re not sure about. Until she feels attracted to you, she won’t have the need to work through an awkward silence. Second, most girls believe that if two people have instant chemistry, there’s no reason to run out of things to say right after meeting. To her, both of you should be tripping over each other in deep conversation. While instant chemistry does happen, you’ll usually grow on her after a period of time. Therefore, you’ll be doing more than 70% of the talking for at least thirty minutes after the approach. Once she becomes comfortable with you and decides she’s interested, there will be less pressure to come up with things to say. This early-stage conversation may sound random to an eavesdropping spectator, but it’s actually structured and highly organized, because you have a goal and an accompanying strategy of using The Vibe, tested material, and soon, specific moves to escalate the encounter—in the form of effective routines for building attraction. No matter how smart or interesting you are, it’s impossible to speak for those first thirty minutes without messing up, saying something stupid, or going into a completely lame topic. Luckily, girls will give you a pass on many of the foolish things you’ll say. They understand that not every sentence that comes out of your mouth has to be a blockbuster, but if you continue to bomb, she’ll boo you off the stage. When you first start talking to a new girl, you may be so pumped that you talk too fast, interrupt her, and disregard things she has said because you had another line or statement in mind. You’ll have the urge to say things already marinated in your head, even though the conversation is going somewhere else. Resist that temptation, because it leads to choppy, disconnected conversation. Realize that the more she talks, the better, because she’ll be giving you ideas and material to continue even further. Talk at a normal, relaxed pace, like you would to a close buddy. An entire conversation will have many threads (topics that lead to other topics). Threads promote natural conversation because you can easily hop around without getting stuck on a path that leads to a dead-end. The conversation you have from following those threads will be created on the fly, depending upon the direction and energy of the interaction. Even though you’ll use the same thread repeatedly on different girls, there’s no need to memorize the delivery word-for-word. Conversation threads can be categorized into themes. The first theme is people, which includes conversation about you, her, or others. It concerns appearances, trends, rumors, gossip, and observations (people watching). For instance, you can gently tease her (without making fun of her) about something she’s wearing or something unique to her look. Example: “I noticed your shoes match your shirt. I think you did that on purpose.” She’ll say she did. Your response: “I understand, because it took me forever to match my outfit.” Go on to give your thoughts about how people look in the environment you’re in and the patterns you’ve noticed. For instance, if she’s wearing a large necklace, say, “Have you noticed that the things people are wearing on their necks are getting larger and larger?” Throw in a Flavor Flav reference about how he pioneered large neck jewelry. It’s okay to talk about clothing as long as you show only basic fashion knowledge (if you start dropping words like “couture,” the girl may think you’re a homosexual). I like to go into a spiel about my four-year-old jeans and how the holes are “natural” and “can’t be duplicated.” Rumors and gossip are related threads that fall within the people theme. Take advantage of a girl’s addiction to both by using them in conversation. Example: “There’s a rumor going around that you don’t like my shirt. Is that true? My mom helped me pick it out.” Or point to the poorest looking guy in the place and say, “You see that guy over there? He’s the owner. He doesn’t look like it, does he?” Your friends are a great source for fabricating fun tales. My favorite: “My friend right here used to be a club dancer. He used to dance in those cages suspended from the ceiling. Not many people know this, but he regularly wore costumes with feathers.” People watching is another thread you can use. Simply point out a couple and say, “What do you think about these two? Do you think they’re just friends, or something more?” After she gives her opinion, give yours with an interesting analysis. Example: “They’re definitely just friends, because their faces are more than sixteen inches apart, which, according to psychologists, is the intimacy threshold.” Or say, “They’re definitely going out, because he appears to actually be listening to her.” The next theme is current state. You make fun observations or pose interesting questions about the current environment you’re sharing. If you’re at a bar, say, “I really like how this loud bar makes it so easy for us to connect. Through the smoke, distractions, and loud music, our bond cannot be broken.” Add, “It’s ironic that the place most people meet others in is a place where it’s hardest to do.” Maybe throw in a statement of the ideal way to meet someone, involving little pieces of paper that ask, “Do you like me?” with answers of “Yes,” “No,” and “Maybe.”  If a girl looks slightly bored, say, “If you’re not having a good time, I recommend you get up on the bar and dance. Any time I see a girl dancing on the bar, she looks pretty happy, though it doesn’t work for me.” If you’re in a snobby environment, say, “God, this bar scene is so fake. Everyone is just about appearances and possessions. So what kind of car do you drive?” Another line: “I’d dance, but I don’t want to make everyone here jealous of my skills. I’m not trying to brag or anything, but I’m pretty good.” Another one: “I thought I’d get a private table with bottles of Grey Goose, but I think I’m going to keep it low-key tonight and mingle with the commoners.” Another: “I hope this is a good place where I can find an older woman to wine and dine me and take me on vacation.” And finally: “Hmmm, the music here is kind of lame. I hope they put on some Madonna soon.” Additional current state themes include talking about how the location reminds you of something else. For instance, if you’re at a coffee shop, say, “I only come here because people watching motivates me to work. At home I can’t get anything done.” If you’re on public transportation, say, “Doesn’t it look like everyone here is really sad? It’s like people make the effort to look mean or upset so no one talks to them.” Don’t ask a girl if she comes to a certain place often, because it’s too cliché. If you’re really curious, say, “I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.” These types of statements have the potential to create interesting conversation, as long as both of you have opinions relating to them. They make it easy for her to talk. Things you’ve observed about life and specific environments usually make for great threads. Threads about travel are highly recommended because they allow you to go into stories that reveal some of the amazing things you’ve experienced. It doesn’t have to be international travel—even if you just visited one city over, you can still tell her about something interesting you observed. The basic formula for beginning travel threads is: “I was recently at _______,” followed by a short anecdote. For example: “I was recently at this bar in Barcelona and there was a main floor where everyone danced and a small room upstairs that only had men. It was so small that they were touching and grinding on each other. It was interesting.” Or “I was recently at this bar in York, Pennsylvania, where I learned to really appreciate the scene we have here.” Then go into the scene differences. You can also go into travel experiences with: “That reminds me of the time I was in _______.” Another travel thread: “I read that more than 98% of Americans don’t have a passport. I was pretty surprised, because as the richest country in the world, you’d think that most people here would be interested in learning about other cultures.” What’s great about a line like this is that it qualifies her (if she hasn’t traveled recently, her value decreases compared to yours). Travel threads work well on girls who are adventurous and travel themselves. The future theme is my personal favorite. Here you can be creative and really get her imagination going. It’s also more exciting than talking about the present, which probably involves both of you wage-slaving away in some cubicle. I have an anti-corporation routine I use often: “I’ve been working for six years and while I like my job, I’m really curious about what else is out there. I don’t want to be 70 years old and on my death bed, wondering how my life would have been if I hadn’t taken a chance.” Maybe you want to start an interesting business or do something creative like painting or writing. These are great things to share because they show that you have a passion you’re working on and that you aren’t someone who just fills his spare time with expensive, meaningless hobbies. Bring these up in a casual way that fits naturally into the conversation. A heavy but thought-provoking question I like to throw out after I’ve talked about my plans is, “So, what do you plan on doing with your life?” When it’s obvious you’re both single, say, “I prefer a fantasy relationship like I see in the movies instead of one where I have to, you know, sacrifice. I don’t know anyone who wants to sacrifice in relationships anymore.” By now you’ve probably noticed that I like to ask questions or bring up topics that stir up a little insecurity or doubt. This is because I want her to focus on her flaws and problems instead of mine. She’s on stage being evaluated, not me, increasing the likelihood that she’ll do things to impress me. Then we have the qualification theme. The threads will be about her and whether she’s capable in a way you desire. You won’t come out and say, “So, do you possess the qualities I want in a woman?” But you’ll insinuate it. She’ll then assume you’re selective and know what you want. Ask if she cooks. I say, “I had a female roommate once and she was great at cooking frozen chicken nuggets, but nothing else.” If she can’t cook and you love home-cooked meals, say, “Minus a million points!” as if you’re keeping a running tally of her worth. You can exchange cooking with a skill that’s important to you. If you’re an artist, you can ask if she draws or paints. An important one for me is if she takes care of her body. I ask girls if they go to the gym, and almost all of them, regardless of weight, say yes. Then I dive into a fun bit where I ask her to flex. She’ll flex her bicep and I gently squeeze it to size up her muscle. Then I say, “Okay, go ahead and flex…any time now.” Since she is already flexing, the joke is that her muscle is too small. (Credit goes to Mystery, who came up with it first.) Then I flex for her and tell her how I dominate in the gym and scare little children. Feel free to add, “Actually I got so big that I had to stop going for a while.” This works especially well if you’re not huge. Then there are qualification threads where you peg her on something that’s not entirely favorable. For instance: “You seem like the kind of girl who likes reality television. Am I right?” I then add with a smile, “I don’t watch TV anymore. I’ve weaned myself off the glass teat.” The questions you ask will depend upon what you want in a girl. Just like when a manager interviews you for a position and asks about your experience, you’ll ask a girl in a fun and indirect way about the qualities you desire. Ask if she has them and then provide an interesting explanation about that quality. I also ask a girl where she lives because I’m not trying to spend hours on the road to date her. I then go into a story that long-distance relationships are a myth, like the yeti. If she grew up in a different city, state, or country than you, ask about the differences she’s noticed. It would be a good opportunity to explain what you like or don’t like about the city you’re sharing at the moment, which makes interesting conversation easy. Bring up qualification questions at about the 10–20 minute mark. They’ll have more impact if you’ve been talking a while. Finally, you have the screwball theme, where you throw out odd questions when the conversation is stalling despite your best attempts. Here you’ll get a chance to experiment with exotic material that teaches you how women respond in atypical situations. Ask a girl what reasons she’d attribute to the fall of the Roman Empire, adding “Well, according to the movie Gladiator…” Ask, “What artistic period do you think best represented the humanity of man?” Ask what “once in a blue moon” really means. If girls respond well to your screwball questions, you may want to incorporate them into your standard game. These types of questions teach you to relax and not take the game so seriously. I don’t recommend you talk about sex. You can still get laid by asking her questions about porno and her favorite sex positions, but I can’t help but shake something an old friend once told me: “Those who talk about sex the most are the ones who get it the least.” After you have sex with a girl, I recommend short exchanges where you tell her about sexual things you like, but before that, talking about it isn’t going to help. For all a girl knows, I’m a virgin who doesn’t even know what sex is. This is good news if you’re sexually inexperienced, because if you don’t bring it up, chances are she won’t either. Threads serve to help keep the conversation going. Because conversations aren’t scripted or memorized, you’ll be going into approaches with just some ideas and key words of what to talk about. From that point you’ll need to use your brain to maintain interesting conversation in real time. These threads fill silences with material that builds attraction. While we want to hop naturally from one thread to the next, if you’re facing a deadly silence, just blurt out whatever’s in your head. It’s okay to seem a little random for the sake of continuing the interaction. The guys who are fast learners at pick-up were already chatty beforehand. All they had to do was change a little of their content to optimize it for a different purpose and audience. If you aren’t chatty, you’ll need to get chatty, because the game is more Night at the Improv than Swingers. Improvisational comedians never say the exact same thing twice, but they do go into their acts with a huge toolbox of staple jokes, facial expressions, and stock phrases. The only difference is that their primary goal is to make people laugh while yours is to get laid. Even though most of the examples I’ve given use humor, keep in mind that their purpose is to hook her attention, make her laugh, and to get ready for a conversation during which you’r