16 Sweet Sixteen.docx

Sweet Sixteen A major part of your ‘American Dreams’ may include a lifetime mate or partner. This relationship provides you with love, companionship, and comfort from that one person capable of your love. Those of you who have found that wonderful life mate is probably grinning like that ‘Cheshire c...

Sweet Sixteen A major part of your ‘American Dreams’ may include a lifetime mate or partner. This relationship provides you with love, companionship, and comfort from that one person capable of your love. Those of you who have found that wonderful life mate is probably grinning like that ‘Cheshire cat’ from Alice and Wonderland. There are numerous intangible non-financial benefits from having a partner to take with you on your journey through life. The financial benefits can be quite enormous, but those intangible benefits are what make life more fulfilling, purposeful, less lonely, and worth living. Plus, you will always have a best friend, traveling companion, and when under the weather someone to care for you. Article: There are surprising benefits to being married here is a list of a few: 1- It makes you richer 2- There are better tax benefits 3- There are health insurance benefits 4- Married people have lower stress 5- Married couples are less likely to be depressed 6- People with a spouse are less likely to engage in risky behavior 7- They have better outcomes after major surgery 8- They are more likely to survive cancer 9- Married folks sleep better 10- Married folks live longer 11- Love and companionship 12- Blessings of children Being married has many financial benefits, including a number of tax breaks, but it also may actually make you richer. A survey-based study in the Journal of Sociology revealed that "married respondent’s experience per person net worth increases of 77 percent over single respondents." Married people also gained significantly more wealth than divorced people. So, while throwing a wedding might be expensive, marriage may still be a financially savvy decision. By: BY SHIRA DANAN, Source: The List Of all the things you may want and do in your life one of the most complicated things you will do is interact and have a relationship with another person. This will require major sacrifices and compromises by you and your partner, it should be a 50-50 give and take relationship. The hardest part is the selection process of finding and choosing a partner, that one right person out of all those tens of thousands of people you will meet and interact with over time. Some people believe if you are not actively searching for someone you tend to be more receptive to meeting new people and interacting more naturally within friendship relationships. Sometimes it is these types of relationships that develop into more serious relationships because the two of you became endearing friends first. You took the time to get to know one another, already respect one another, and know respect is earned and is not just given. Mutual respect should never be abused and would be honored to have them as a partner. These are the basic foundations for a strong happy lasting relationship. If someone doesn’t love and respect his/herself, it’s almost impossible for them to love and respect you. Whether we believe it or not we all have inbred prejudices toward most people in general. Prejudices are preconceived opinions that are not based on any concrete facts, reasons, or actual experiences. We often select our partners based on superficial attributes; existing or occurring at or on the surface only, what we can see. That gets our immediate attention, we notice them first. We first see someone that is appealing to us visually and fit into our narrow perception of what is attractive. We like what we see, the challenge is then to find a way to approach or meet them and try to begin some kind of personal interaction with them. This interaction should ‘only’ occur if they appear to be mutually receptive to your advances. Just as you have a prejudice of what kind of person you find attractive and appealing. They have the same superficial prejudices as to what is attractive and appealing to them. You may not fit their prejudice of what’s attractive to them. Yes, this is hard for people to accept and respect another person’s polite rejection of not being mutually interested in them, especially you men. They may tend to not ‘respect’ your boundaries, and selection criteria barriers and might become more persistent if you reject them. They may become more and more aggressive and even pushier than you would prefer. They fail to accept and acknowledge the fact that maybe they don’t meet your expectations. You try to be polite; you didn’t want to come off as being rude, impolite, or snobbish. When you just weren’t interested in them at all, it could be their appearance, height, weight, or hair color. It doesn’t matter why; you really don’t need to give them any reason at all. The individual who is making the advances needs to respect your answer, your space, and therefore your choice. There is no harm, no foul they need to pack their ego, just walk away seek and find someone else who is more receptive to their advances. Unfortunately, this seldom ever happens. You may elect to give in and interact with them only because they were super aggressive, and you don’t want to offend them against your conscience’s better judgment. That subconscious better judgment hesitation is caused by the simple fact they don’t fit into your preconceived image of what you have envisioned your life-long partner’s characteristics would have. Now, you have just adjusted your ‘dream vision’ of what you wanted out of a life partner and made this ‘temporary’ exception which you may regret later. This can end up being a huge distraction. Why? It is counterproductive and a waste of your time to have a relationship with any person(s) you would not marry. Unless you both are aware and understand that you are ‘just kicking it’, whatever that means. You are at fault as well and shouldn’t play with people’s emotions. It’s not right and it’s just plain cruel. This is how people get ‘hurt’ emotionally and physically, especially if they become very possessive down the road. Learn to treat people in the same manner, with the same respect and kindness that you wish to be treated. If you offend someone is big enough to take responsibility and apologize to them. Life would be a lot less stressful and dramatic for everyone if we all lived by this simple universal concept. You have failed to keep your promise to yourself because you have temporarily adjusted to your life mate’s expectations when you made this characteristic exception for this new person. But in your heart, you still want that person you always dreamed of having as your life-long partner. Maybe it is something as simple as someone who wants children, attends church, is ambitious, and has military experience. Someone who has a clear career path to achieve their goals in life and wants a family, not just kids. Do you see how wrong this is? When you deviate from your pre-plan life’s path goals you only create problems that could have been avoided. You should remain focused if you are seeking a partner to complement you in your life’s journey to achieve success and have a family and household that will run as a business partnership. In your partnership union, you should be seated together in the front seat as you drive through life, headed in the same direction. If one of you falls asleep during a life trip you shouldn’t have to worry if your partner will change the course or direction without any input from you. There needs to be a high level of respect, communication, and trust for relationships to be successful. If you stay focused and pick the right person, the first time, you will have the opportunity to grow together toward common goals as you learn from each other, and mutual compromises will be a pleasure rather than a chore. Let’s assume you have a list of standard characteristics you are looking for in a partner. When you date or as older folks say ‘Court’, someone, this is the time and opportunity to observe their characteristics and behaviors. This is very important before you decide to take the ‘courtship’ to the next level, whatever that means. There’s a series of questions you need to ask yourself. Do they respect and love me? If you are a female, do they respect their Mother? Are they trustworthy and honest? Do they keep their word? Do they have the initiative, ambitions, determination, and drive to get the job done? Are they dependable, responsible, and open-minded enough to communicate with you about themselves and other things? Are they contributing to the relationship at least 50% - 50% emotionally and financially ? Or do they continue to make excuses for their short falls ? Are they responsible for money ? Do they pay their bills on time ? What is their credit score, credit rating ? Most importantly can you see yourself married to them ? A wise man once said, “those who procrastinate and make excuses when they don’t do something, beware, for excuses are the tools of the incompetent”. A procrastinator is a person who consistently makes excuses, has no intention or is incapable of doing the right things. Does your ‘partner in training’ keep their word in all the things they say they will do? A person’s word is all they have to offer you as a peek into their true soul and character. Their word should be ‘their bond’, it is an unspoken promise to trust my verbal commitment that I will do as I say. In a relationship, you should be able to trust the words of your prospective partner. If you cannot trust their word, there is a very high probability they are not the person they say they are. During your dating or ‘courtship phase’, these are the weeks, months, and years to find out and access if that person is worthy of you and your love, dedication, affection, and lifetime commitment. Please look at and review this paragraph and assess your significant other to see how they stack up. It is in your best interest to be as brutally honest with yourself as you can be. This is the last time you may have to leave the relationship before it goes to whatever you would consider the next step or level. As you proceed to that next level without serious thought more emotions and expectations are involved. Many times, when you go to that next level it’s much harder to break off the relationship later. Please, write down all the ‘pros and cons’, the good, bad, and ugly of your prospective mate, to see how all their characteristics stack up with your list of desired characteristics you desire in a lifetime mate. Do they make the grade and are they ‘worthy’ of what you have to offer in life? During the courtship or dating phase people are on their best behavior, and they only show you small bits of their unpleasant or ‘dark’ side. They have realized that you are pleasantly ‘different’, a great catch for them. They realize you are out of their league and are the best thing that has ever happened to them, and they don’t want to lose you. They will do whatever it takes to keep you. This kind of thought process now transforms you into their possession rather than a person. They may be trying to impress you by putting their best foot forward and are purposely suppressing those ugly sides of themselves. It could be as simple as some type of possessive behavior or control over you they have shown you on several different occasions. For instance, they request you respond back to their text messages immediately, a response fifteen minutes later requires an explanation. When they get angry, they may break things, call you ‘out of your name’, use profanity when speaking to you, and may put their hands on you. These behaviors are never acceptable because you would never hurt those you love under any circumstances. Saying I’m sorry never makes it better, it’s just their plea for another chance to hurt you again when that dark side resurfaces. Please don’t justify or convince yourself that these types of behaviors are being displayed because they really love you and they are just a bit over-protective. Always listen to your ‘gut’ feelings, so that you don’t later regret ignoring them. Please ‘read’ them by what they do and for who they are by their behavior and do not make excuses for things you wouldn’t normally tolerate. Be careful because this is probably a part of their deceptive and manipulative behavior. They will say and tell you whatever they think you want to hear with no intention of following through with it. If this starts to trouble you, then review the list of ‘pros and cons’ and ask yourself, “Can I live my life with all these concerns I don’t like”? A leopard never changes its spots, just understand people don’t change either. If you try to change them later, you probably will be met with resentment and arguments. Some people may become out of control and/or even violent at times. However, with Divine intervention people have been known to change for the better. You may think these are just a few little, small things and you can fix them. But, in essence, you are telling them that something is wrong with them and needs to be improved because it is unacceptable. Let’s reverse the situation or ‘flip the script’. How would you take or like it if your significant other tells you that something is not quite right or wrong, with you? You wouldn’t appreciate it either, I didn’t think so. Most people always resent any type of character criticism, which is your judgment of their shortcomings based on your expectations of them. So again, before agreeing to take the relationship to the next level, be brutally honest with yourself. This may be your last opportunity to leave the relationship cordially versus trying to leave a relationship that has become possessive, hostile, and or violent. Remember, only you can control whom you let into your life. The choice is yours, so please choose wisely and don’t settle for less than you know you deserve, it could be the difference between happiness and divorce. Just as financial successes and accomplishments fulfill goals in your life. Your life partner should be someone you need and want to complement and support you emotionally, and financially and contributes to your happiness throughout life. Please take all the answers to your above inquiries as the truth, as to who they are, and don’t overlook or ignore the behaviors they display to you. Please believe and focus on their actions, not just their words. Their actions will always show you who they really are. If you make excuses for them to yourself, this is what you are going to get forever. Remember, people don’t change, and you would be a fool to think that you can change them. They don’t see anything wrong with themselves, so why would they be willing to change something about themselves when they don’t think anything is wrong? If they have been trying to win your heart, they should have been putting their best foot forward. Believe them for who they are and accept it for what it is. All you can do is ask yourself does their behavior meet all your desired ten-point plus characteristics list and is their behavior acceptable to you ‘forever’? If they don’t meet your expectations, can you live without those characteristics that you really wanted and dreamed of having in the person you chose to spend your life with? As things progress, if you want to take the relationship to the next level, you will need to know things like their credit score and credit rating. Just be cautious that your partner’s credit history won’t negatively impact your joint ability to get loans and or a mortgage. You both should discuss your career goals and ambitions, and your desires to have children and or pets. These important things you looked forward to in your life need to be communicated and discussed ahead of time out of respect. This proactive approach keeps things that are not discussed earlier from creating huge problems later. It’s disrespectful, unfair, and selfish for either of you to expect the other to compromise and submit to your requests if they weren’t discussed ahead of time. It’s an essential part of planning your future together. If this is going to be a successful partnership, you both must be on the same page as to what you both want out of this life’s journey. Holding hands and going in the same direction is a lot easier than pulling at each other in different directions and going nowhere. If you just let things happen by choosing not to plan your future life as a team with common goals, the journey will be immensely more difficult. That phrase, ‘united we stand, divide we fall’, does have a lot of merit to it in life. Article: This is where that wise term you should not be “unequally yoke”. What to do when you are unequally yoked? Can you be unequally yoked with a believer? When we think about being unequally yoked in relationships, we are quick to jump to the conclusion that it can only refer to the relationships between a believer and an unbeliever. ... It is correct that unbelievers and believers are unequally yoked, but — as believers — we can very much as well be unequally yoked as well. You and your significant other should have the same core morals, religious, and goals. It is also important to have the same life goals such as ambition, how you value money, whether or not you want a family, your relationships with family, and anything else you think is important. Those who are equally yoked have stronger foundations to build their relationships on increasing the probability of long-term marriages. “So, choose wisely, an awful lot depends on it. In a Biblical Sense Let’s stop here and revisit the series of events that have transpired. Due to their infatuation with you, they may have initially committed two violations of your trust. First, they didn’t respect your boundaries and vision for a partner by ignoring your attempts to reject their advances. Second, they ‘forced’ interaction more persistent than usual aggression in their approach to you. Perhaps, never asking you or considering what you were looking for in a relationship partner? If you don’t maintain, respect, and honor your own preset partner’s requirements why would they? If you can so easily be led off your course and be persuaded into a relationship you really didn’t want, that’s your fault and wasted time. You all must realize and remember, there are only two things in life we have total control over. Those two things are (1) what foods you put into our mouths and (2) whom you let into our lives by opening the ‘door’ and letting someone in. As your personal guard dog, you should never start or consider taking a relationship to the next level with someone you couldn’t see yourself married to. People seldom grow on you, are you willing to gamble with your future happiness? If this applies to your relationship, please take the necessary precautions to avoid unplanned pregnancies outside of wedlock. These types of pregnancies can be and are known to be a huge 18-year long-term challenging, emotional, stressful, and financial commitment for both parties who attempt to take responsibility for their actions. Whether you decide to marry or not, that child is your family, a blessing and gift from God. It is your financial responsibility for at least eighteen years and your blood relative for a lifetime. It’s time to pull up your pants and be a man, a father and have a relationship with your child for life. Children need to know they have the love of both of their parents. Their parents’ love helps the child to have a sense of value, and self-worth, and your encouragement helps them to develop and become the most confident and self-assured person they can be. Single parenthood will also affect both your present, future incomes and all your future personal relationships. Using this newly acquired financial knowledge skills, you now have the financial means to take care of your child support responsibilities. A parent would have to be extremely selfish to not willingly voluntarily pay child support without the need for a Court Order. Your child needs your love, interaction, and emotional support as well. Also please make sure you teach and pass on your financial literacy knowledge to your children. This will ensure they have the same financial knowledge and life skill tools you have to become financially successful as well. Making the right choices and decisions gives you the control you need in your relationship. Because with almost everything else you experience in life you lack total control of their outcomes. So, it is important you make the right choice regarding a mate and exercise the necessary control over those things in your lives you have the ability to control. You deserve and have the right to live a happy healthy life. No matter what the makeup of your partner relationship, our significant others should be valued and treated as our equals. By giving them respect as your equal it will allow both of you to go hand and hand striving to achieve agreed common goals in your journey through life. A marriage is a 50% - 50% business partnership consisting of constant ongoing honest open communications, negotiations, give &, take with sacrifices made for your partner. The simple characteristics of love and honesty are priceless as they radiate and exude a beacon of light, respect, and admiration for your partner. Love for one another comes with gentle kindness toward them and never wanting to see them hurt or hurt them. If you hurt them, emotionally take responsibility, apologize for your actions, and make sure it never happens again so you regain their trust. You each bring something unique to the relationship that no other person can offer you, which greatly increases the success of your union. Your two joint incomes highly increase the probability of your family achieving your ‘American Dreams’ promised by our ‘Forefathers’ of the Country in the Declaration of Independence. The Declaration of Independence promised that all men are created equal and are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these rights are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. This encourages and allows you to jointly plan for a future of happiness filled with the activities and vacations that fill your lives with joy. For your marital union to survive the many tests and stresses of time during the roller coaster rides of life there must be love, honesty, trust, mutual respect, and a commitment to the relationship. As the traditional wedding vows include the phases, "I, _________________, take thee, _________________, to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you." This indicates that you both have committed yourselves to one another for life. Therefore, it is extremely important for your attention to be focused on seeing the realities of your prospective mates during the dating or ‘courtship dance’ period. It is also your responsibility to observe and read your partner correctly, what you see is what you are going to get. The reality is, if you see unacceptable behaviors during the courtship and you make excuses, sugarcoat their behavior and ignore it. These critical behavioral signs will resurface during the ‘rainy days’ of marriage. And the rain will wash away all the sugarcoating and you will be left with the real person you chose to ignore. Are you going to be happy with what you are left with? Therefore, you must make the correct decision. There can be huge benefits from a lifelong committed happy marriage. It starts with respect, love, trust, a friend, a companion, and someone to grow old with. Someone to feel secure with over the decades and who will always have your best interest at heart, not to mention all the wonderful memories you will share. With the right partner choice, there are those non-emotional critical attributes your partner brings to the relationship that is necessary to build and run a successful home business. They also needs to be joint input in planning, budgeting, credit, managing money, and finances, and making joint decisions for your long-term financial goals. Another enormous financial benefit of having successful committed marriages is the cost of your monthly fixed overhead expenses are about 50% less than two separate households. There would be only one cost for rent or mortgage, utilities, cable, and you can have a family cell phone plan. There are opportunities for having homeowner and multi-vehicle auto insurance policy discounts. These jointly shared expenses can save the couple at least $500 alone plus an additional $1,500 per month in a second resident rental. Together you have the potential to save the entire income of the partner earning a smaller income. This is a huge benefit for sharing your life with a special someone. Together you just be able to save a minimum of $1,500 monthly which increases your ability to better manage your finances. If you could put that $1,500 per month in an investment instrument even with a 3% APY your interest rate of return, you would have earned over $1,697,456 in 45 years. Even half this amount wouldn’t be a bad investment return at all. Could you handle that? You can use this money to as an additional payment on the principal on your mortgage. These additional funds can go a long way to increase your ability to maintain your great credit ratings making your lives full of the low interest financing available and helping you build savings, a secure financial future, and wealth. These saving plans easily help you reach your goals of building an emergency fund and a six-month to a year savings fund to cover all monthly overhead expenses in the event that one partner is laid-off. Even if you decide to have a family with planning you still may be able to continue to save this $1,500 per month. Both of you maintaining great credit scores better ensures that all future large items purchases will be financed at the best available interest rates, increasing your purchasing power significantly. Marriages are financially stronger when both parties work toward common goals. Financial security doesn’t mean there won’t be any other problems within the marriage, but it can be a great foundation to a more enjoyable and less stressful marriage. It allows and affords you the ability to spend quality time together traveling or doing whatever you both love to do. Implementing and following many of the suggested strategies throughout the book will position you to increase your financial security and build a joint wealth portfolio. If you choose to have children, you will be in a better financial position for all the additional expenses and responsibilities which come with family life. Your accumulated funds will minimize your financial struggles and challenges allowing you to provide your children with many experiences and exposures you may not have been able to enjoy when you were growing up. You can plan and budget for these fun pleasures which may include vacations, cruises, a summer home, and family trips to any of the country’s major amusement theme parks. Perhaps, you can fulfill your child’s interest in ballet, gymnastics, tennis, horseback riding lessons, skiing, or flight school lessons, etc. No matter where you decide to travel, the keys to happy vacations are wide open for you, research, and plan where or what you are going to do with some of this earned and saved money. Then determine the cost and develop a budget and stick to your budget. Your long-term commitment to planning and budgeting has rewarded you with financial security. You will always be in a better position when you continue to plan, budget, and manage your earned wealth responsibility. Remember the importance of saving as much money as you are able to for those times when there is global unrest. When an increase in the price of crude oil can cause prices for everything to increase 8% - 10% and the price of gasoline can increase 30% with no end in sight. Savings prepare you for rainy days and help you weather these prices and increases inflationary conditions much easier. On the other hand, if you are not prepared and don’t have adequate savings stability this will create a whole different stressful marital experience for your family. Article: Some statistics indicate money can be one of the major causes of divorce. For decades, the divorce rate in America has hovered around fifty percent. And while the reasons vary, a common thread for the majority of divorces includes money problems. In fact, some studies suggest that money problems in a marriage are the number one cause of divorce. The financial and emotional toll of a divorce can debilitate individuals and devastate families. If we could resolve our most serious family money issues, we could remove perhaps the single biggest hurdle to a successful marriage. Here's a list of 4 of the most common money problems in a marriage along with some solutions: Rankings will vary from study to study, but one of the most common causes of divorce always centers around money issues. Money issues can make married couples crazy because money touches so many parts of all people’s lives. No matter how much money you have (or not), there’s always the issue of money as a primary connector in marriage. That means it’s also a primary flashpoint for arguments and in many cases, a motivating factor in divorce. Money issues can wreck a marriage in so many different ways. Spouses who are reckless with credit cards can run up large debts without the knowledge of their spouse. One spouse can make considerably more than the other, creating earning/control issues. Money can be especially important to the degree that you don’t have it. When one spouse or the other loses a job or significant unexpected financial setbacks take place (think job loss, health crises, etc.), it can cause a big squeeze on family finances that may last for months or several years. Money issues cause stress. Stress chokes off communication. Money issues can lead to communication breakdowns in trust. The result is often divorce. Money issues are tough, but the best way to resolve them is to create a budget, long-term goals and stick to them. Make a concerted effort to keep the lines of communication open regarding financial interests, especially during challenging times. You probably won’t completely avoid disagreements about finances in the course of your marriage. But just like all other marital problems, if you face money challenges with honesty and as a team, your marriage has a much better chance of surviving. Getting married at an early age - One big reason couples cite for getting a divorce is not being fully prepared for what marriage is all about. Divorce rates are highest for couples who are in their 20s, and almost half of all divorces take place within the first ten years of marriage. Marrying too young can cause divorce for many reasons…Couples who get married at an early age are more likely to face more money issues because their careers are not established yet. In some cases, they have not matured and do not understand how to communicate effectively. Without experience to guide them, a lack of maturity will often lead to a calmer approach to marital problems. Lack of Communication - When you are no longer able to communicate with your spouse constructively, your marriage may be in deep trouble. Communication can be an early casualty when you get so wrapped up in all the layers of your life. Lack of Compatibility - When you got married, you were sure your spouse was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Everything clicked. Anything that bothered you was minor, and you shrugged it off because you were deeply in love. You overlooked faults, differences of opinions, and interests. Those were all things you could “work on” together after you said, “I do.” But even if your marriage started in total bliss and synchronicity, time always changes things. People grow up. You both take on new challenges. Habits and interests change. Your career moves forward. You become parents. Perhaps you both modify your political and religious views. Change is inevitable. Change is necessary. And in many cases, change is healthy. Like it or not, if you have been married for any amount of time, the person you are now is not the person you were back then. The same goes for your spouse. Getting married for the wrong reason - Some people who get married have unreasonable expectations about what marriage should be about, and they wind up bitterly disappointed when the fairy tale does not match up with reality. By: Jason Crowley, CFA, CFP, CDFA Jan. 26, 2020, Source: Sunrise Divorce If your marriage is not successful for any reason, the cost of divorce can be a financial nightmare experience. This is why it is extremely important to select your partner with your best diligence, keeping your ‘eyes wide open’ to who that person really is. Rather than who you want him or her to be, in order to fit into your pre-judgment of what you thought you wanted out of a life partner or mate. The most equitable divorces split all marital assets in half, a 50% - 50% split. Now, look at your joint marital assets to see if you would be able to survive on half of what you have accumulated over the years. If you have children under the age of 18 years old, this creates a whole new set of complex issues and concerns. It’s a much more complicated divorce process due to custody and child support concerns. Things between you and your partner can be cordial or a nightmare depending on what you both are seeking to get out of the divorce settlement. Article: The national average cost of divorce is about $15,000 per person. The cost includes attorneys' fees, court costs, and the cost of hiring outside experts like a tax adviser, child custody evaluator, or real estate appraiser. The time involved is what often determines the cost. For instance, the average divorce takes between four months and 11 months. And if a trial is necessary, it can take more than a year. By: Terin Miller, Source: The Street If your divorce isn’t cordial and amicable, one party may become excessively greedy and wants to fight for more than they actually deserve. This will cause the cost of your divorce to be astronomically more expensive. Lawyer fees can deplete the value of your assets, destroy any hope of an amicable relationship, and create an unrepairable wedge and dislike for one another. A female radio host once said, ”in a divorce, the person you once shared toilet paper with has become a monster of greed, forsaking all the good times for one lasting memory of ugliness. No matter how wonderful the marriage was, the last memories of the divorce will now define the entire marriage.” The Lawyer fees for both parties and Court costs can be much more than six times the cost of an amicable divorce. The cost of a contested divorce can be well over twenty thousand dollars per person. Depending on when the divorce occurs and how long you are married the financial effects will differ greatly. For those married twenty–five plus years, divorce can easily wipe out twenty-plus years of financial savings, and wealth and push you both back to square one with respect to your retirement plans. It can be very challenging and difficult to rebuild even a part of the lost savings and wealth from divorce. The inability to recoup the lost wealth can make your retirement years somewhat less comfortable because you now have almost doubled your overhead expenses with only half the income and retirement savings. Were there opportunities to resolve the marriage before the divorce? Sometimes you may wonder if it would have been easier to resolve your differences. Are you really better off after a divorce? The time you invest in the selection of the best-matched partner can be priceless. Many people say choose someone of ‘equal yoke’, who has the same at least close morals, values, drive, ambition, and financial status. You both will be equal partners when it comes to planning and decision-making throughout your journey through life. Unfortunately, many people are selfish and less willing to work out their differences. There are no guarantees that any marriage will last a lifetime. However, if you are committed to put in 50% to 70% to make your partner happy and they are committed to put in 50% to 70% to make you happy your marriage will probably last ‘Until Death do us part”. You both must be able to communicate, listen and be willing to compromise over the small stuff’. A wise man said, “You must give yourself permission before you become angry”. This mean whether you believe it or not, you choose to be angry. Do give anyone that power over you. The power to manipulate you and make you angry. It‘s better stay up and resolve your differences to go to bed angry. “Never go to bed angry”. After divorce residing in a single household creates new challenges such as all the overhead expenses must now be paid with just one income and perhaps a sense of loneliness. This is how many divorced couples lose their hard-earned future financial security because of the inability to compromise and honor their wedding vows. Finding a new compatible partner can be even more challenging than finding your first partner. Because the older people get, the more they become set in their ways and are less open to changes. The new partner may have more baggage, be even more challenging to understand and be less willing to compromise than your previous spouse. So, treasure, honor, and respect your first spouse and may your life together be long, memorable, and full of happiness. Your journey together will have many social and financial challenges, and having a committed special person to share the experience with can make the journey more fulfilling and less financially challenging. This doesn’t mean there is a right or wrong way to take your journey through life, all it means is that with the right spouse, you will have less, outside influences, drama, and a lot more money.