Umbrella Morals by A.G. Gardiner

The Umbrella Incident

• The narrator's umbrella is swapped with another one by someone who took it by mistake or intentionally
• The narrator describes the umbrella as a "travesty" and refuses to use it due to its poor quality
• The narrator imagines the person who took his umbrella flaunting it and laughing at the narrator's misfortune

Umbrella Morals

• The narrator coins the term "umbrella conscience" to describe people who are honest but prone to small, insignificant dishonesties like swapping umbrellas
• This type of person wouldn't commit major crimes, but would engage in minor dishonest acts like taking a book or umbrella without permission
• The narrator says that even respectable people, including a well-known preacher, can have "umbrella morals"

Borrowing and Lending

• The narrator recalls a story about a man who never lent books because he knew no one would return them
• The narrator's friend had a library with many borrowed books that were never returned
• The narrator shares his own experience of lending books and never getting them back

Hats and Umbrellas

• The narrator recounts an incident where someone took his silk hat from the House of Commons smoking room
• The narrator wonders who took it and why, joking about the possibility of a politician wearing his hat
• The narrator admits to having swapped umbrellas himself, including a memorable instance where he received an umbrella with a gold band and engraved with a statesman's name

A humorous passage about the narrator's reluctance to use a subpar umbrella, from A.G. Gardiner's 'Pebbles on the Stone'.