The Nature of Intimacy

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The Nature of Intimacy

• Intimate partners possess vast, personal, and private knowledge about each other that is not shared with many others.
• Intimate partners lifestyles are co-dependent; Actions of one affects the other’s actions and goals..
• Interdependence between intimates correlates to their need and influence to each other, this is frequent, strong, diverse and enduring.
• Qualities of close ties are caring, trust and responsiveness.
• Responsiveness is rewarding because it creates recognition, understanding, and support within the relationship.
• Close ties have a sense of mutuality, where the partners recognize the connection and think of themselves as "us" instead of individuals.
• Intimate partners who are committed expect the partnership to continue without an end date and will invest the necessary time, effort, and resources needed.

Inclusion of Others in the Self (IOS) Scale

• IOS is a psychological scale that calculates the closeness and interconnectedness of an individual and others, typically within a relationships.
• The purpose is to assess of how people perceive their relationship with those closest to them (romantic partners, friends and family).
• The IOS is used to research relationship closeness, intimacy, and relationship quality outcomes.
• The IOS is a series of of overlapping circles, where each diagram best represents how they perceive their relationship with the other person.
• One circle represents the self.
• The other circle represents a significant other.
• Overlapping circles indicates a better sense of inclusion and relationship status.

The Need to Belong

• There is a human need to be in close relationships, when this is not met people experience a variety of problems.
• Meeting the need to belong means people require interaction and communication from others that know and care to maintain a relationship.
• Only a few relationships is needed, quality is better than quantity.
• Being closely connected leads to happier, healthier, and longer lives.
• Holding a partner's hand reduces threat response and pain levels. Wounds also heal faster when support is provided.
• People who are alone are more likely at risk of health problems, along with weaker immune systems and psychological problems. Young adults are more susceptible of catching cold or flu, and anxiety or depression can arise.
• Sufficient intimacy causes higher mortality rates.
• Meeting the need to belong is critical for survival.
• Elderly people have a higher chance of mortality in the first few months after losing a spouse, divorce also increases the risk of early death.
• There is a strong connection and need for others and survival.
• Married men were assessed after being hospitalised for a heart attack in a study by Coyne et al.
• Men in happy marriages had a reported 70% survival rate, while those in unhappy marriages had a reported rate of 45% in the Coyne et al study.
• Throughout history people who were alone were less likely to reproduce children.
• Evolutionary adaptation ensured the need to form stable, affectionate connections were more likely live.
• "‘‘We are wired for close connection with others and this connection is vital to our survival.’’"
• "Human beings need social connections just like we need oxygen, food, and water."

Bowbly’s Attachment Styles

• Bowlby's Attachment Theory explains how relationships with caregivers shape emotional and relationship patterns throughout ones life.
• Attachment Styles reflect how people connect with others in all relationships.

Secure Attachment

• Comfortable with intimacy, trust, able to depend on and be depended on.
• Confident, seek support, and give support in relationships.

Anxious Attachment

• Fear of abandonment, high insecurity, and constant need for reassurance.
• Clingy, dependent, and anxious, will constantly question the stability of the relationship.

Avoidant Attachment

• Difficulty with intimacy, self-reliant, and tends to distance emotionally.
• Avoids closeness, suppresses feelings, and has trouble trusting or depending on others.
• Attachment styles effect emotional connections and manage relationship dynamics.
• Kim Bartholomew suggested 4 general categories of adult attachment styles.
• “It is easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am also comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I do not worry about being alone or having others not accept me.” Secure Attachment Styles.
• “I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like". Preoccupied Attachment Styles/anxious.
• People avoiding intimacy with others as they fear rejection are a fearful attachment style.
• If intimacy with others is not worth it and they prefer to be self sufficient, it is a dismissing style.
• All styles are formed by two underlying themes: avoidance of intimacy and anxiety about abandonment.

Self-Esteem

• Favourable judgements of skill/traits creates high self-esteem, doubting self results in low self-esteem.
• A higher level of self-esteem people are happier than those lower
• Self-esteem is a gauge that measures the quality of our relationships with others by measuring our value/acceptance.
• Strong relationships results in high self esteem.
• Rejection/social exclusion leads to low self-esteem.
• Deeply influenced by social connections and our status within a group.
• Self esteem serves our need to belong.
• Self esteem helps track social status.
• Low self-esteem find difficultly processing people loving them and believe that live will lack.
• Often underestimate their partner's love for them with low self-esteem.
• Low self-esteem people often overreact.
• High self-esteem people seek support when facing struggles because are confident about partner's love for them.
• Low self esteem people withdraw if something goes wrong, to 'protect' themselves.

Sexual Selection, Reproductiveness, and Adaptive Value

• Natural selection is traits that improve survival and reproduction in an environment, also survival & thrive.
• Certain traits raising chance of offspring: advantageous but not beneficial for survival results in sexual selection (Darwin).
• Preference of one sex for certain traits; colorful plumage, displays of strength signals, mate suitability = intersexual selection (Females).
• Contest, dominance displays among the same sex (Males Access = Intrasexual selection).
• Evolution is about reproduction.
• Adaptive value is a trait that increases an organism's chances of reproduction within the environment.
• For example, the long neck of a giraffe has high adaptive value because it allows the giraffe to reach food in tall trees, increasing its chances of survival.
• Evolutionary psychology says that reproductive dilemmas vary with sexes.
• Men engaging with 100 women can make 100 children: men engaging with multiple women.
• A woman having sex with 100 men she only has one child maximum
• Reproductive output varies with genders with limitations being put simply.
• Parental Investment= time/energy/ and resources to one's own offspring to reproduce.
• Selective women are more successful in women over men in sexual selections
• Successful men have more sex in general, with better reproduction in men over women in sexual selections
• Women want someone smart, friendly, prestigious and emotionally stable.
• Men undergo paternity uncertainty (Cannot for sure know that the child is his.)
• Women can have certainty about whether or not a particular child is hers, in terms of evolutionary success.
• Evolutionary has short/long mating strategies-
  • Men Like brief affairs more while being ready for sex sooner and with a variety of partners. -Long term they prefer younger attractive wives or look younger than themselves as they age.
  • Women focus more on parental investment in males long term and appeal + charismatic dominance for short term

Conclusion

• Intimacy has a dark side but connections are needed because of a social species.
• Adult friendships have romance and differ as a casual association because of knowledge and trust.
• Having affection and intimate partners results in displays of needing to belong.
• Unfulfilled needs leads to adverse consequences
• Fewer people today are marrying and cohabit which makes the chances of divorce likely and dramatically changing.
• The cultural behaviors include economic changes and individualism which contribute to how close you are with your self.
• Higher Sex traits show traditonal roles as a sex traits as well as permissive lower behavior.
• Children who have different caregivers have children having different type of styles in avoidance for abandonment this changes with experiences
• Lay Differences vary on subtle and gradual beliefs although traits are quite small overall
• Men exhibit Instrumental gender traits for dominanace while women exhibit expressivr warm emototions traits in gender traits

Research

• The Self-Esteem in humans results from if we are thpught highly of based on The sciometer theory (self worth is a gauge for connections)
• The underestimation of partner love occurs when there is low self esteem
• In same sex partnership they tend to have greater relations/ equality and respect with less conflict.

Attraction

• Rewarding someone for presence results in more attractive behavior based on type

• Direct Reward- Getting pleasure from someone for actions e.g. better advice or gratification of attention and approval by said person.

• Indirect Rewards- kindness and pleasant personality without consciously knowing

• Eli Frinkel and Paul Eastwick suggested Instrumentality is fundemental and helps fulfill present day goals

• Proximity to those psychologically resultsin attraction for near by/ physcically close people

• Familarizity increases liking over long periods of time, but obnoxoius over time from constant repetiton.

• The idea of one looking attractive results in increased likability

• Ethic background is correlated with how attractive you are

• Good looking people, earn more money, make better impressions in court etc. as well as babies gaga'in at attractive faces than unattractive.

• Facial features are used to measure beauty

• "Baby face has Youthful features, or slight Feminine in guys

• Symmetrical"

• The waist to hip ratio is .07 with hourglass figure.

• For men with a .09 being the ideal shoulders with broad size

• One's scent counts with a good education

• Romance between men has high value for traits that match.

• If you have a low level of attracting with matching principal it can be very hard

• The equation for an appealing partner is the physical/ likeness

• Mate value is very important

• You are rewarded when the other person likes you

• Birds of a feather flock together" or same intreset is important to likeness of people

• Similarities can include age race education social class etc.

• the more you have and agree with someone, you have the more liking overall.

• The traits are agreeable conscientious and emotionally easy to be likeable

• Similarities may or may not mean we like the other perosn

• The stimulus stage of svt suggests what happen when dating can be as simple as age or looks

• The music taste can change You become the perosn i wana be, or adapt when dating some one" trait

• Personailities decline slower to have dissimilar views

• The wants of men and women are similar in the beginning although eventually its as simple as loyalty warmth attraction.