Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills - VIDEO 5 - QUIZ

Dr. Kelly Turner's Presentation on Validation and Mindfulness

• Dr. Kelly Turner is a key figure in the development and dissemination of DBT.

• She is a creative and innovative person in the training of therapists and dissemination efforts.

• Dr. Turner is a terrific therapist, supervisor, and trainer of trainers.

• She focuses on helping therapists in their most difficult moments when they are stuck.

• Dr. Turner believes that validation and mindfulness can be incredibly powerful in these situations.

• Her presentation focuses on practical ways to be skillful and effective in difficult moments as therapists, parents, and friends.

• She provides a model of how to think about the basic problem of being ineffective in heated moments.

• The presentation is experiential, with attendees practicing bringing mindfulness and validation to difficult moments.

• Attendees are asked to notice what is happening in their bodies and minds in various scenarios.

• Dr. Turner explains that humans are wired to change when given cues, and most of us focus narrowly in threatening situations.

• The problem is that most people are not skillful when threatened and don't practice enough to respond differently.

• Dr. Turner believes that validation and mindfulness can help people be more skillful and effective in difficult moments.Practicing Mindfulness and Validation in Dealing with Difficult People

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of being mindful and appreciative of the fact that we are locations where things happen, both positive and threatening.

• It is challenging to maintain a stance of equanimity when things get threatening, but it can be helpful to view ourselves as locations for things to happen that are somewhat outside of our control.

• The exercise involves thinking of a person who is hard for you right now and imagining being with them while noticing what comes through your body and mind.

• When threatened, people tend to respond away and become very focused on solving the problem, which narrows down their range of possible responses.

• The key skills needed in these moments are mindfulness and validation.

• Mindfulness involves paying purposeful attention without judgment to the present moment and being with it in a spacious, open, and kind way.

• Validation refers to acknowledging and accepting the reality of what is happening, including the pain it may cause.

• When something gives rise to pain, it is natural to want to escape, change, or make it be more like what we want, but it is essential to be aware of our habitual ways of responding and their unintended consequences.

• The speaker gives an example of her habitual way of responding to a situation where her partner forgot to turn in a check, which is to give feedback and fix the environment.

• The unintended consequences of this habit may include ruining the rest of the evening, making the person feel like they never do it right, and creating a negative cycle.

• To break this habit, the speaker suggests bringing attention to bear on what is happening and can I be with this, instead of immediately reacting and fixing the situation.

• The goal is to do it differently and respond in a more effective, compassionate, and curious way, which requires practice and patience.Practicing Mindfulness and Validation in Therapy

• The speaker discusses the tendency of therapists to move towards problem-solving when faced with a client's pain, and the need to practice mindfulness to be able to be present with the client's suffering.

• Mindfulness is compared to cooking potatoes, where paying attention to something long enough with enough concentration can lead to transformation.

• The speaker encourages the audience to identify a cue, emotion, pain, and habitual response that causes unintended consequences and suffering.

• The audience is invited to do a mindfulness exercise where they focus on their breathing and bring to mind a difficult person or situation to practice being present with the experience.

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of cultivating the capacity to be present with difficult things without resorting to habitual responses.

• Validation is discussed as a therapeutic technique where the therapist helps the client notice their pattern of regulating threat and the unintended consequences of their habitual responses.

• The therapist radiates warmth and accepts that the client's response is caused by human brain processes.

• The therapist validates the client's emotions and articulates what is likely happening inside them.

• Validation is compared to lobbying, where the therapist is advocating for the client's experience to be recognized and accepted.

• The goal of validation is to help the client become more flexible and less narrow and threat-focused.

• The audience is invited to practice validation by taking turns with a partner where one person shares a difficult situation and the other person practices validating their emotions and experience.

• The speaker encourages the audience to practice mindfulness and validation regularly to cultivate the capacity to be present with difficult experiences and respond with flexibility.Tips on Validating Whining and Practicing Mindfulness

• The speaker shares tips on how to validate people who whine, which involves recognizing one's own habits and unintended consequences.

• It is important to discipline oneself to validate only sadness and anger, which are often blended together in whining.

• Participants are asked to partner up and take turns being the whiner and the helper.

• The helpers are called therapists and are tasked with validating the whiner's emotions of sadness and anger.

• The validation helps the whiner differentiate between the two emotions and strengthens their action urge.

• The exercise is simple but effective, with participants reporting a decrease in frustration and an increase in helpfulness.

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of being mindful of one's habitual patterns and catching them in the moment.

• Therapists should not try to solve every problem, but rather learn to be with the facts and figure out what comes next.

• The act of holding the pain and facts of a difficult situation with compassion and kindness can be powerful.

• Mindfulness and reality acceptance skills are fundamental to being a DBT therapist and a human.

• Practicing these skills can help therapists and individuals be more effective and present in difficult situations.

• The speaker concludes by thanking the audience for their attention and participation.