Heterosexual Dating Scripts

Q1: Why do MSM identify as "Straight"?

• Sex and romantic relationships are different.
• Romantic relationships are more important
• Just a sexual experience doesn't define identity
• The identity has a greater impacted by romantic attraction
• A straight man having sex with another man does not mean that they are gay, it is separate from their identity: Its just something that they do
• Men have sex with men so that they can bond
• Men who have sex with men do so because it is about guys coming together and solidifying as a group
• Being “gay” or ‘bisexual” doesn't fit
• This is why they identify as straight
• They might not understand outside of the stereotypical ideas of being gay or straight
• Coercion
• They continue to identify as straight because they think that the sex they have having is not consensual
• Not prejudice alone
• It is important to remember that they are not hiding who they are because they have a derogatory idea of what it means to have sex with a man, they just didn't think it correlates with their identity

Why not identify as bisexual?

• Mainly because:
• Partnered to a woman
• Want to stay partnered with a woman

Q2: Why do some men who identify as straight have sex with other men?

• Due to wanting more sex than getting in marriage
• Less likely to get caught
• Men talk less than women about sex, so he is less likely to get caught
• Women also have a higher likelihood of getting attached when having sex with men compared to men themselves
• Stereotypes - older men
• If they have a high sex drive and a belief that older women lose interest in sex= likely to have sex with men than women
• Pleasure/ submission
• They can have a different kind of pleasure with a man than they can with a woman

Differences between urban & rural men?

• Rural and small-town straight men find Sex with men to be irrelevant
• Identity focused on romantic relationships, parenthood, community, & masculinity
• Connected to/ identify with straight communities
• Some LGBQ [Sic] people, but they are typically less visible than in cities
• Rural and small-town straight men
• Have Distinct views
• there is No consequence for masculine identity
• Sex Is an Occasional vice
• Saw it as something like smoking or drinking
• Probably shouldn’t do it, but do it anyway
• Are Most physically attracted to women
• Can still Have sex with men and are attracted enough to men to have sex with them, but they are mainly attracted to women
• and are Romantically interested in women

Key points

• Sexuality (and sexual health) are multidimensional
• Sexual discordance exists and is impacted by gender stereotypes
• Being heterosexual is not just about who you have sex with
• Having same-sex relationships does not mean you will identify as gay or bi-sexual
• Sexual identities/ sexual health change over time
• Though heterosexuality/ healthy sexuality is the identity that is least likely to change

Polyamory, mononormativity, and polyqueer kinship

Key questions

• Why do many people assume
• Committed, serious relationships are monogamous?
• It is the dominant idea of a committed serious relationship
• Non-monogamous relationships are casual?
• Hooking up with lots of people is seen as a casual relationship
• Adult serious committed relationships are monogamous

What are the effects of these assumptions

• On relationships?
• On social relations / societies?
• On how we understand ourselves & others?

Definitions

• Polyamory
• Meaningful and consensual romantic and meaningful sexual relationships with more than one person
• Fastest growing family type in Canada( Vanier, 2024)
• Polygamy
• Polygyny
• Marriage between a man and multiple women
• Sisterwives
• Polyandry
• Marriage between a woman and multiple man
• Polygamy is not legal in Canada
• You cannot marry more than one person
• There are challenges around child custody, healthcare access, etc.
• Relationship subculture
• Differ from the dominant or mainstream culture.
• Impacts gendered self and the gender organization of intimate relationships
• Focus on gender identity, being able to be romantic with many people, and eliminates the sexual double standard
• This double standard gets challenged
• See a difference on how gender is organized
• What it means to be living in your gender and how you ought to do it - Women reported a stronger sense of sexual autonomy
• Women have sister relationships
• Able to connect with other women closely - This was a positive effect for some of the women
• This challenges the patriarchy in some way as women are supposed to be centered around the men, however with this scenario they eliminate this
• Men question their own jealousy/possessiveness
• This is seen as a normal feeling within a relationship standard but it makes men rethink this - Maybe there is something that they have to work through
• Some “alpha male syndrome”
• Not all polyamorous relationships are based around gender
• However some are centered around a male centered relationship that reinforces traditional gender norms - That the man should explore sexuality and women should not
  • He has sex / romance with lots of people, they do not

Relationship innovations

• New and innovative norms for how to experience and do intimate relationships.
• Gender egalitarianism & rejection of double standard
• We can work toward this
• Disrupt the inequities that we see
• Reject idea that jealousy is legitimate, inevitable and can be avoided through monogamy
• Compersion
• Jealousy is not a normal and natural feeling but instead it comes from these relationships
• Polygamy as antidote
• Jealous feelings are a chance to grow in confidence a chance to grow
• Metamour

Social / political implications

• Polynormativity
• Idea that polyamory fixes all problems or is more progressive
• The idea that polyamory is normal / normative and it produces ‘normal’ gender relations
• Picks up gendered scripts and follows them
• “Male-centered”
• Polyqueer
• This is where people really focus on consensual practices, work on jealousy, etc.
• They challenge norms
• Mononormativity
• Monogamous = mature adulthood
• Idea that serious relationships are monogamous
• Not settling down with one person is selfish
• Long term monogamy = happy ever after
• People searching for “the one” or a ”soul mate”
• Children better off with two parent family

Maintenance of mononormativity

• Legal definition of marriage
• Monogamy is reinforced by the state

News/ media portrayals

• News/ media portrayals
• Victimization & relationship type
• Idea of a good life /responsible adulthood

Conclusion

• Conclusion
• Polyamory is a growing trend in Canada
• Polyamory can shift interpersonal & social relations
• Challenges mononormativity
• Not all polyamorous relationships are more equitable
• Polyqueer relationships teach everyone about jealousy, equity, communication
• Lessons that are important for all relationship types

Equity & Orgasms

• Two key questions 1.How are orgasms understood and made meaningful? 2.Why is there gender inequity in orgasms in heterosexual sex?

The physiological view

• Physiological reaction to sexual stimulation
• Involves muscular contractions
• Usually results in ejaculation of semen for those with a penis

The social constructionist view

• It depends
• Orgasm is a social construct - meaning is created
• Seen as the high point in a sexual event
  • But is it really during a sexual event?

A variety of orgasm experiences

• Purposely delayed orgasm (M) - coitus reservatus
• Repeated or multiple orgasms -Men cannot do this, women can
• Dry orgasm or with ejaculation (M&F) -Men can have an orgasm without ejaculation -Women can ejaculate
• Simple or complex sensations- trans experiences -Alone, with toys, with aids, with others

Social meaning of orgasm

• “The capacities of the body and psyche are given meaning in social relations” (Weeks, 2023, p.9)

Orgasm & sexual scripts

• Relatives Normative assumptions about sex -_Expectation of orgasm _Inability too _Length Encounter
  • Premature
• Reflects gender constructs

Orgasm research

Differences women

• Men have
• Woman
• Social contexts
  • Women love for men
  • Time
• The meaning

Contraceptions

• Hormonal contraception -99+2-99 +8

Pillpatch-up

Implant

• hormonas contraception

Non- hormonal contraception

• Male condom82%-98%
• Female condom is up 250
• Caps, sponges, sponge 1/4
• Not use
• Emergency contraptions are also possible through hormones

Others

• withdrawal pulls up is also a method of contraptions a long the line
• Abortion 10-24w

February the 27th

• Sexual h is more than physical aspects of people
• It required social aspects of people
• WHO is important here because sex negative A
• Health parts are involved

Stats

• Sex positive aspects of people 26,285 STI/HIV
• Alberta the
• Injustice among men and women with different sexual partners

Implication sexual health

is a polical concept

• STI action