Personality Plus Ch 9

Perfect Melancholy Temperament

• Contrasting Nature: Perfect Melancholies experience intense highs and lows, deeply value introspection, and seek understanding of their complex nature. They resist categorization, feeling unique and complex.

• Unique Belief System: They believe their experiences are unparalleled. They often perceive the world as wrong and themselves as right.

• Group Dynamics: Initially, Perfect Melancholies are reluctant to join groups, but when in a group setting, they gather, neatly organized, and meticulously dressed; also suspicious of each other. Recognition of common traits and similarities leads to a moment of understanding and sometimes even smiles.

• Marriage Issues as Example: One man's experience exemplifies this, where he'd isolated himself; it was a seminar regarding temperaments that allowed him to see himself reflected in others. Recognizing similarities helped him understand his wife and healed their marriage.

Problem: Depression

• Problem Description: Perfect Melancholies often struggle with depression due to their inclination to dwell on negatives. Their tendency to take life seriously and focus on unpleasant events makes them susceptible to strong negative feelings.. This often leads them to believe they are disliked.

• Solution 1: Recognizing the Impact of Gloominess: Others don't appreciate gloominess. Even if one has valid reasons to be upset, others don't want to hear about it and this perpetuates negative beliefs. Perfect Melancholies often grow more mournful as they age, becoming increasingly convinced that they are unloved. This can worsen their feelings and isolation.

• Solution 1: Avoiding Trouble: Perfect Melancholies often take things personally and search for problems. They may perceive everyday comments as deeply meaningful, when they aren't. Understanding others' temperaments can reduce personal interpretation of casual interactions. This perception can lead to avoidance from others.

• Solution 1: Turning Situations Negative: Sometimes Perfect Melancholies take positive situations and turn them into negative ones. This tendency accentuates negativity and confirms negative self-beliefs. They must shift their focus toward the positive aspects of situations.

• Solution 1: Childhood Memories: Perfect Melancholies often vividly recall negative experiences from their childhood, which perpetuate negative feelings into adulthood.

• Solution 2: Addressing Negative Thoughts: Focus on positive aspects and reject negative thoughts when they arise. Use religious and biblical quotes as reminders.

• Solution 3: Avoiding Harm: Perfect Melancholies have a tendency to look for reasons to feel harmed or overlooked. They sometimes deliberately search for negative experiences.

Problem: Low Self-Image

• Problem Description: Due to their innate focus on the negative, Perfect Melancholies judge themselves harshly; This often results in insecurity in social situations, and they might seek mates who are highly social who will handle interactions for them.

• Solution 1: Identifying Source of Insecurities: Identifying when and where a low self-image stemmed from (often early childhood experiences) can help in releasing negativity. Recognizing it as a learned behavior can replace the negative self-judgment with a more realistic evaluation.

• Solution 2: Recognizing False Humility: Recognizing that what may seem like humility is actually insecurity and a need for validation can help Perfect Melancholies manage their need for praise without relying on external validation.

Problem: Procrastination

• Problem Description: Perfect Melancholies, being perfectionists, often delay starting projects due to a fear of not doing them well. They strive for perfection and refuse to start until they’re satisfied with all the details.

• Solution 1: Accepting Imperfection: The solution focuses on overcoming this perfectionism and recognizing that something is better than nothing.

• Solution 2: Limiting Planning Time: Perfect Melancholies often spend excessive time planning; a practical suggestion is to limit the time spent on planning to ensure projects aren't stalled indefinitely.

Problem: Unrealistic Demands on Others

• Problem Description: Perfect Melancholies frequently apply their high standards to others, causing expectations that may not apply to their personality types or perspectives. Their standards negatively impact relationships.

• Solution 1: Relaxing Standards: Imposing overly high standards on others can create tension and conflict; applying this standard to those of other temperaments can create problems. Relaxing expectations can reduce pressure, enabling better relationships with others.

• Solution 2: Recognizing Differences between Temperaments: Understanding that people have different temperaments and expectations can help to reduce unrealistic demands.

General Reminders

• Accentuate Positives: Focus on and celebrate positive aspects of life.

• Eliminate Negatives: Refuse negative thoughts and experiences from taking hold.

• Seek Understanding of Your Temperament: The study of temperaments provides insights, helping to navigate human interactions.

• Self-Reflection: Recognizing and understanding one's own temperament and its impact on behavior is a crucial step.

• Realistic Expectations: Not everything in life can, or should, be perfect; realizing this helps alleviate pressures.