《围城》英译本的评析 (Week 3)

• This document is a critical analysis of the English translation of the Chinese novel "围城" (Wei Cheng, meaning "besieged city"), focusing on the nuances of translation and interpretation.

Tone and Style

• The author modestly describes his critique as a limited attempt to understand the profound work of Qian Zhongshu, comparing it to taking a small sip from a vast ocean.
• The author emphasizes the importance of both unique insight and balanced judgment in literary criticism and translation.
• A deep understanding of Chinese is essential to fully grasp the subtleties of foreign languages.

On Style in Translation

• Wang Zuoliang's theory on the study of "style" highlights the importance of comparison and selection in literary creation and translation.
• This involves careful observation of subtle differences between similar expressions and choosing the most suitable one to convey the intended meaning and emotion.
• The author regrets the lack of integrated perspectives among theory, criticism, and creation in literary translation, which would help determine the merits and demerits of different approaches.
• Proficiency in both Chinese and the target language is crucial for meaningful research in translation; otherwise, the results will be superficial.
• Zhang Yuanji's emphasis on the necessity of a deep understanding of Chinese before delving into foreign languages is highlighted.

Critique of Existing Translation

• Dennis Hu's study of "围城" from a linguistic perspective is acknowledged for its positive assessment of the novel.
• However, his 1982 critique of the English translation (by Jeanne Kelly and Nathan K. Mao) is examined, noting both its valuable points and areas where it falls short.
• A translator or critic must thoroughly understand the original work to grasp the author's intentions.
• Without a deep understanding of the original text, a critic may be misled, offering shallow or irrelevant criticism.

Addressing Unclear Issues

• The critic is commended for recognizing the importance of direct experience and proposing revisions to the existing translation (referred to as "Dan's translation").
• A comparison between the two translations is suggested to highlight the differences.

Exaggerated Diction

• A passage from "围城" is analyzed where Fang Hongjian writes a letter to his father in classical Chinese, requesting release from a prearranged marriage.
• The analysis focuses on how the translation captures (or fails to capture) the exaggerated and rhetorical language used in the original.

Analysis of a Specific Passage

• The original Chinese text is provided, followed by the existing English translation, to highlight specific points of comparison.
• The critic argues that the existing translation fails to adequately recreate the exaggerated diction of the original.
• A revised translation is offered, aiming to better capture the nuances of the original Chinese.

Justification for Critical Approach

• The critic defends their approach, emphasizing the importance of preserving the exaggerated tones and rhetorical flourishes of the original classical Chinese.
• The success of achieving this effect in the revised translation is open to interpretation.

Comparative Analysis of Translations

• The comparative analysis focuses on the line "怀抱剧有秋气", comparing "A feeling of 'autumnal melancholy' has suddenly possessed me" vs "In my mind there lingers a strong sense of the autumn of life".
• The author argues while a case could be made for the term "Autumnal melancholy," the meaning is more "a strong sense of the autumn of life".

Disagreement on translation

• The author of this text disagrees that the latter translation is "weaker", arguing it is also suitable
• The author of this text argues the other translation fails to properly capture the effect, and replaces this translation with "Each time I look in the mirror I see myself spiritually weak and physically emaciated.", highlighting the verbose nature of the text.

On the Author's Note

• A statement on translation from Lin Yutang is cited that emphasizes between the differences between writing for different groups, supporting the idea that some differences need to be had.
• The passage from Lin Yutang states: Ordinary english language, but only shallow variations of writing, there is no certain boundary between white and white, nor is there a complete consistent writing matter.

Hybrid Character - Lengthening Modifiers

• The document references further translation problems.

On the Translation's Hybrid Character

• The critic notes the language of the work conveys a heavy sense of Chineseness and a use of lengthening modifiers.
• The author then states by just copying terms to the page in english, it makes for a frightening product.
• The use of this type of work is very common in chinese, but not in english.
• The critic provides this with five examples.

Examples

The five examples of instances that are of trouble are provided:

• Slanting downward eyebrows Removing her sunglasses, she had disclosed big slanted dark eyes, gleaming with bold intelligence
• A small gray-headed Italian woman passed the food.
• The early Roman spring had filled the air with the bloom and perfume. Humboldt, that grand erratic handsome person with his wide blond face, that charming fluent deeply worried man to whom I was so attached, passionately lived out the theme of success.
• Big fair wan lovely-pale-freckled Kathleen with that buoyant bust gave kindly smiles but mostly she was silent.
• We met Sewell for lunch - a muttering subtle drunken backward-leaning hollow-faced man.
• A sensitive, susceptible, exaggerative, earnest man