PHL113 Ethics of the Community/Family Notes PDF

# PHL113 - Ethics of the Community/Family ## Jul 30, 2024 * Reference: *Philosophy of the Family 3rd Edition - Corazon Torralba* * Quote Dump: DLR Quotes * Enhanced Notes: PHL113 - DLRのシラバス (check this out if you have not recited) ## Aug 9, 2024 ### Truth * Any discussion of philosophy inv...

# PHL113 - Ethics of the Community/Family ## Jul 30, 2024 * Reference: *Philosophy of the Family 3rd Edition - Corazon Torralba* * Quote Dump: DLR Quotes * Enhanced Notes: PHL113 - DLRのシラバス (check this out if you have not recited) ## Aug 9, 2024 ### Truth * Any discussion of philosophy involves truth. * "If we're not talking about the truth, then what for?" * You can only opine based on a set of criteria. * If the truth is obscure, then we have to lean on the most credible opinion. * There are three types of truth: * **Logical** - relation of conformity between the mind and the object * **Ontological** - relation of conformity between the mind of God and the object * **Moral** - reaction of conformity between utterance/action and thought ### Society * Collection of communities * "What is something in society that makes you say something wrong in it?" * Crime * Oppression - "Is everybody oppressed by everybody else?" * Unwanted pregnancies - "What if the intention is sexual pleasure?" * Separation * Abortion * Climate Change * Electric vehicles are manufactured by mining rare metals that require digging through the soil. * The hard plastics from wind turbines pollute the sea. ### Problems Undermining Family and Society * **Crust/Surface Level** * Everything starts with ideas. * "If you do not believe in God if you see human beings as a means to your end, it changes everything rather than the end to themselves." * We act as prompted by ideas. * "College is the time when you wear shirts that say stupid things." * "What if what we believe in that leads us to a certain direction happens to be wrong?" ## Liberalism, Socialism, and Communism ### Liberalism * When you say liberal, you are liberal. * -ism pertains to the practice of something. * Therefore, it believes that man is the foremost or the chief creature on earth if it omits God at all. * "What makes man at the top of the food chain?" - free will * "We are special and creative only because we are free; nothing should obstruct our exercise of freedom" * Anything that is upfront to our dignity is our offense. * Anything upfront to our dignity is our offense. * Freedom-from * This leans more toward liberalism - there is a focus on being oppressed * "You can be a danger to yourself; not everything we desire promotes our well-being." * Liberalism pampers your exercise of freedom. * Liberals equate pleasure with happiness. "What matters is the self." * There is a proposition: "My Body, My Choice." * For liberal feminists, they believe they are free to abort an unborn child. * "Is the unborn child a part of your body?" * The child is distinct from the mother by DNA. ### Socialism * Wants everyone to be equal * This is communism lite. * "Can we ever be free?" * One-Child Policy in China * Modern competitive lifestyles developed in China, causing less preference for having children. * The CCP lifted the policy into a three-child policy with subsidies. * This is the same with Europe as some of them invite foreigners. * Culture is not equal which makes this ineffective for trying to increase population growth * Community Pantry during the COVID-19 Pandemic * It is a manifestation of socialism. * "They just grab; they never give back." * Social democracy - a scambox that has socialist influence. _"Nothing is free; something has to pay for that." * "Some suffer more than others." * The goal of socialism is to produce a communist society. ### Communism * The goal of a communist society is to produce a classless society. * George Orwell, 1994 - perfect vision of a communist state. * "Everything is monitored, even your privacy. Anything that is against the authorities will be repressed and censored." ## Aug 12, 2024 ### Civilization and the Family * **Civilization** * The citizens (Lat. *civis*) are what makes a civilization; they are individuals who participate in the affairs of the state. * They are a part of the ruling classes that ensure peace and prosperity within the individuals of the state. * Man is what creates, processes, and sustains civilization; his purpose is the humanization of the world. * "Man, through his work, puts order in this material universe." * He makes use of his circumstances, abilities, and surroundings to serve the purposes of life. * The city (Lat. *civitas*) is where citizens perceive a level of material comfort where their basic needs and services are accessible to their social status. * Being civil (Lat. *civilis*) pertains to behaviors expected in an individual who identifies with a civil society. * The formation of civilization is a product of man's interaction with each other and his environment, thus forming culture. * Continuous exposure to other cultures of ideas improves man’s pre-existing culture, therefore enriching it. * Culture does not develop on one man alone, but in a community: * The present man enjoys the benefits of the current culture that was developed by the generations of men before him through integrating it into his life. * The present man becomes a developer of culture to the next generation. * An individual born is not naturally fitting into society as he has to learn behavior and culture through imitation and coaching from his parents. * "The family is the basic cell of society." * The guardians and parents of an individual are the moral foundations of the individual and the determinant of a person’s moral foundation. * **The Family is Under Threat** * The family is a cell of society that contains a monogamous lifelong relationship between a man and a woman, where the product of their marital union is children; it is the fruitful conjugal union due to the presence of children. * **Primary Purpose** - procreation and education of children * **Secondary Purpose** - companionship; not couple’s relationship * The family is built on perpetuity and exclusivity. * **Perpetuity** (root. perpetual) refers to the family’s supposed lifetime relationship between its members. * **Exclusivity** (root. exclude) implies the close-knit relationship that breeds intimacy. * "You exclude people from the outside and focus more on the members of the family: the father, mother, and siblings." * The idea of happiness is being seen from an individualist perspective. * People tend to forget that it can be something that can be derived from being part of another’s life. * The dissociation of happiness away from the idea of the common good gives rise to alternative lifestyles that do not compliment the essence of families. * Societal and legal interpretations of marriage changes the essence of the nature of marital relationships in present times. * Marriage is a conjugal union of man and a woman. * In present times, it is being seen no longer as a monogamous and exclusive. * Perpetuity is no longer upheld, but temporality. * "One’s happiness should not be hindered by lifelong commitment." * A person can opt for another partner if their existing conjugal or marital union does not work. * The relationship between the individuals is valued first; children are secondary or optional. * Raising children is nowadays being seen as a nuisance among couples. * There is a tendency for children to become a means for the couples’ personal gratification (e.g., Filipino cultural issue of raising children as an ‘investment.’) * Couples should show a willingness to love their children unselfishly and unconditionally and lead their children to grow in goodness (i.e., You would want children because you want them to experience the joys of the world and enjoy it with themselves and others). * Over the years, the idea of marriage shifted from societal, political, and traditional to personal focus: * Marriage today is valued as a relationship between persons who choose to love each other; it is not similar to arranged marriages. * "Love is the act of the will; it is willing the good of another." * A voluntary childless marriage served as a gateway for advocates of homosexual relationships. * Homosexual advocates claim that marital union should not be exclusive in its definition as a conjugal relationship between two heterosexual persons. * They further believe that homosexual relationships should be given the same moral regard and dignity as heterosexual relationships. * The idea of fidelity has been replaced by multiple partnerships; it is no longer deemed as sacred compared to its traditional interpretation. * All of these are consequences of misunderstanding the nature of freedom as a multiplication of options. * The modern sexual revolution has made procreation no longer an end to marriage: * It has made marital union the means to sexual gratification. "Marital relationships are done for the sake of sexual pleasure." * The family faces several societal issues concerning ethical philosophy: * Abortion * Infidelity * Voluntary Childlessness * Children as Objects of Personal Gratification * Marriage for Sexual Gratification * Homosexual Unions * Euthanasia ### The Situation of the Family in the World Today * The situation of the family in present times is divided into two factions that may be seen as theological in nature: * The family is a sign of salvation of Christ operating in the world. * The family is a sigh of refusal to the love of God. * The contemporary family focuses on three issues: * Promotion of Women’s Dignity * Quality Interpersonal Relationships in Marriage * Responsible Procreation * Education of Children * There is an ongoing corruption in the perception of freedom. * Freedom is supposed to be exercised towards the truth (freedom- *for* = positive). * Freedom is now seen as an autonomous power of self-affirmation often against others, for one’s own selfish well-being (freedom-*from* = negative). ### The Future of Humanity Passes by the Way of the Family * Every person of goodwill has the responsibility to save the values and requirements of the family. * We should be able to appreciate the values and capabilities of the family. * The values and capabilities of the family must be developed further towards goodness. * We should be able to identify the dangers and threats to the family. * The family should make efforts to overcome these identified dangers. ### Philosophy * The natural power of human reason to discover the truth about the human condition * A person is committed to acting towards the good, practicing the good he knows, and seeking the truth about the good he knows. * Reason allows us to question the *what, why*, and *how* of an experience. ## Aug 13, 2024 ### Liberalism * "You just let people do your thing." * You may have the freedom to do whatever you want, but you may end up harming yourself. * "No one gets to tell you what you do; you make yourself your own god." * "You do not follow the natural moral law; you follow yourself." * “In a society where everybody is treated equally, such society is a godless society. " ## Love - an outward act of the will * **Selfishness** - a form of indifference *(kawalan ng paki-alam)* ## Socialism * All forms of socialism is bad. * Exists in Germany and Canada in some legislations (e.g., In Canada, you cannot scold your kids or call them boy or a girl): * "Gender reveal does not mean public expression of wanting to get incarcerated." ## Feminism * Claims that women have been oppressed * There may be resemblances and grounds that women have been repressed in the past (e.g., hunting-gathering society). * Males used to dominate industrial labor; women, anthropologically by design, used to dominate as caretakers and household laborers. * * Oikonomia* - women budget the household matters; men engage in commerce and political activities * The biological nature of people can influence their future career choices. * Low obsolescence rate - accountant, librarian, etc. * High obsolescence rate - IT, etc. * Women get paid more lately. * There is a priority. ## Man is a Rational Animal * You are an animal if you are sentient, living, material, and substance. * Intellect is the power to know and the will is the power to choose. * Man is different from animals due to reason. ## Knowing - Choice - Human Action * You get to choose; when you choose, you discriminate. * "Everyday, you have experiences: good or bad." * Experiences belong to you alone; only you know what it feels. You call this inner world or subjectivity. * "We need to talk and share our experiences." * "You have to talk to someone and share your inner world to keep your sanity." * "Subjects need other subjects to learn; this pertains to intersubjectivity.” * Human Action - Experience - Cumulative Experiences/Inner World/Subjectivity ## Friendship * Can be deep, profound, and shallow. * **Friendship of Utility** (Lat. *utile*) - treats people as tools * "Spanish is corrupted Latin?" * *Inutil* means "you have no use", *utile* means "you have use." * There is a threshold for utility friendships; you can feel tired. * If there is goodwill, there is a possible element of reciprocating. * Using people is not necessarily bad. * "To use is different from abuse." * Abuse is a form of manipulation and improper proper use. * “Some people mature; some people don’t." * "A past is a nice place to visit, but you don’t want to live there." * **Friendships of Pleasure** * Drinkers share the pleasure of drinking * **Friendships of Character** * We are friends because you are good to me. * “By my association with you, I become a better person myself.” * "Friends are not afraid to correct you because they want your good as well.” * Among friends, it is normal to discriminate. * Discrimination is not necessarily bad (e.g., You avoid people of bad influence.). * It can be overt; you can get excluded whether you are talented or not. * "Racism only exists in the head of the racist; it is put aside if discriminated people are gaining profit for them." ## Aug 14, 2024 ### Subjectivity * "If you speak, it is presupposed that you are conversing with a person who can receive a message.” * "We are supposed to live amongst people; we are social beings" * "No man is an island." * **Subject** - technical term for doer * A subject’s experience is called subjectivity; experience is different per individual. * When there is a similar experience, we form friendships. * "The more secrets you know each other, the more close you are." ### Good * It perfects a thing * Food perfects a person as it helps nutrition. * Knowledge perfects the mind of a person. * We can see other people as good for us. * A friendship of character is a good idea as it gets to perfect yourself. * You learn from the experiences of other people. * “To use a person is okay; to abuse is a different story." * "It rubs on people." * "If you are with a person with criminal intent, you tend to adopt a criminal mind." ### Human Dignity * Rests on the freedom of the person. ### Love * Act of this will; willing the good of another person. * **Beauty** admirable * "The thing perfects its nature if it is objective." ### Intersubjectivity * Subjects develop by being with others * “How should one subject get to treat another subject?” * A human being is a free being, as such he spontaneously moves towards seeking happiness. * We long for happiness spontaneously; this is called spontaneous will. * To treat one as the result of the hampering or impeding of the exercise of one’s freedom is to violate the dignity of that person. * To treat a person simply as a thing to be used, abused, and dumped is to objectify that person. ### Dimensions of Love * **Objective** * **Attraction** * "We are naturally gravitated to things that exhibit the most perfection." * The norm is we are attracted to the opposite sex. * Same-sex attraction has both attraction and desire for the same sex. * It is not same-sex attraction when it is just attraction alone (e.g., admiring the body of a guy as a guy but having no intention of developing a romantic or sexual relationship with that guy). * “You can say no to yourself." * "Only losers masturbate." * "My hormones may say something, but I have a choice." * **Desire** * "You must let go of a lower good for a higher good." * "You can diminish once fed." * **Appetite ** - an urge * **Goodwill** * "You will the good of the other." * "Sometimes we just carry our crosses silently." * “Don’t pity yourselves; self-pity is the last thing you should do as there are others who experience worse things than you.” * **Reciprocity** - two-way response * "Kung’ ikaw lang libre ng libre, you get tired?" * “Bakit ako lang-bakit ako lang nagshoshow ng reaction? NR lang siya - no reaction?” * In the case of human beings, relationships have to be reciprocal. * **Sympathy** * You could relate; to be one with the person * We are not in equal states at all times (e.g., You are sad but there are other people around you who feels a different emotion.). * **Friendship** * "You always have an open-light communication with each other." * "You share experiences, things, feelings, and beliefs; these things really matter as it makes you one, especially if you can identify yourself with the other person’s experience." * “Shared experiences make you fuse with your friend.” * Sensuality - physical closeness that is “not love” * "The closes of the feelings translate the closeness of the bodies." * “Hugs are one manifestation of this closeness, and we usually start doing this with our parents to express love." * “Sometimes, it gets a bit out of hand-irrational sex." * “Touch is the sensation that gives the most arousal.” * *Mapusok* - idea of being too tempted due to the touch * "It is important not to get carried away as it triggers irrational actions." * “You need to hold on to God’s grace to overcome temptation." * Sentimentality - something affects you * "It can be interpreted as infatuation-there is an intoxication or overwhelming of emotion." * “I’m in love with my idea of her that’s not her." * Love is the act of accepting another holistically and with wholehearted commitment for mutual growth towards the good. * **Virtuous Love** - love that affirms and unites the person * “When you fall in love, you fall in love with the person.” * “It is the person that you love." * “The love towards the person transcends their body." * “You make it your responsible to make better of the other." * “There is a commitment to freedom.” * "Hindi dapat mawala ang personality yung minamahal mo dahil lang kayo na." * "You give gifts to affirm the value of the person." * “The best gift you can give to another person is yourself, you have to change for the better to become the best gift possible." * “Virtuous love is something that brings love and virtue to you." * The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. * Courtship - necessary to understand the other to make a serious decision * "There is no such thing as love at first sight; you cannot love which you do not know." * This is the stage where you get to know each other. * "Don’t be afraid to lose something that is not meant to be." * Dating is part of courtship. * The American notion of dating involves sex, which is not ideal. * Agreeing to date with each other is the elementary form of exclusivity. “Make your intentions clear.” * The child exudes confidence when he/she witnesses his/her parents in love. * "You don’t date for experience; it is a waste of time and makes you use the other you date for the sake of experience. * "Money is important in a relationship, but it is not everything.” ## Aug 20, 2024 ### Treating Others as a Means * “I choose to exercise my right for the love of my life.” * You don’t treat your partner as a person. * "Real men don’t masturbate; losers do." * "You become more human when you choose the higher-part of us; you disregard carnal desires." * "Our higher-faculties can overrule our lower-faculties." * “Reason can hold power over emotions, desires, and instincts." * "You cannot love which you do not know" ## Aug 27, 2024 ### Can one learn everything about a person?- No. Refer to the Johari Window. ## Courtship * “You cannot love someone which you do now know.” * “There is a limit to how much you can know. We have a limited capacity to know” * “The capacity to love exceeds what we know and our finite capacity to know" * "We can love more than what we know." * The goal of courtship is the common good: * "Almost always, a relationship ends up in using whether in corporate or institution." * "Plans should have to be promulgated; you shall submit each other for the sake of the goal of the relationship." * The common good precludes the possibility of using another person. * Submitting oneself freely to that good. * Submitting oneself to the other for the sake of that good. * "Don’t leave anything untackled." * "Don’t say or do things that will make you go back in life and mock yourself.” * “The best gift that you can give to your beloved is yourself; this is virtuous love." * "What if you are junk? If you really love someone, you have to change for the better." * "You have to take it upon yourself to make the person you love happy, vice versa." * "Love is not so much about the self, but the other person-the beloved." * “Selfishness is a blackhole; the antithesis of love is indifference." * "The cheap variety of indifference is selfishness." * There are several variants of indifference - thinking solely on one’s interest. "Sometimes, when you are not giving, you are giving more." * This prevents entitlement and helps them manage their limited resources efficiently. "Generosity is good, but it has to be contextualized." * **Accumulating Virtues** * "You accumulate as many good habits as you can: intellectual, moral, and spiritual virtues." * You will need these same virtues to face life * Equip yourself with virtues to give yourself fully for your beloved * You have to force yourself to do inconvenient things. * "Learn to say no to yourself; that is part of it." * "You accumulate virtues by doing them." * "The classroom is the place to make mistakes." * "An unsolicited advice is seldom appreciated. " * "If they ask, especially insistently, then it is the time to help." * "If you’re gold, you will simply shine." * "Sexual fantasies do not need to be actualized. The regular regimen is enough.” * "All of us have a level of hypocrisy." * "It is important to see the worst of the person before you decide." * "Freedom is so dynamic that we can change through its proper use.” ### Kinds of Virtues * **Intellectual** - for the mind * **Moral Cardinal Virtues** * Justice - Justice comes first before mercy. * Prudence * Temperance * Fortitude - Mercy is under temperance; you hold back justice that is due to the person. ### Theological - for your spirit ## Sep 6, 2024 ### Intellectual Virtues * **Speculative Intellectual Virtues** * Wisdom * Science/Knowledge * Understanding * **Practical Intellectual Virtues** ### Moral Cardinal Virtues * "You cannot not have this." * A lot of willpower must be exerted into family life. * "There are things you just cannot explain; there are limits in becoming a parent." ### Theological Virtues * **Faith** - believing in God for the uncertainty * **Hope** * "Hope is like pedaling a bike; it helps you commit to your destination." * "If you don’t peddle, you lose hope. You fall to despair-you commit suicide. " * **Love** - give yourself for the good of your beloved. * "You exhaust yourself." * "The mysterious thing about love is that you give a lot but you don’t run out." * “Kung magulang ka, hindi mo susukuan ang anak mo." * "Sometimes by not giving, you are actually giving more." ### Virtues - enable you to possess yourself * You can get to possess the following: * Self-knowledge - "You know yourself.” * Self-control - "You are the master of yourself." * Self-mastery * Self-possession - “You own yourself.” ### Betrothed Love * “You judge for yourself that you think you can marry with a person.” * Betroth is borrowed from an English word in a Jewish custom-betrothal. * The first stage of Jewish marriage is betrothal. * The spouses will be known to each other’s parents and get to experience living with them. * "The more you know, the more you love. However, love transcends the limits of knowledge." * "You continue to love someone despite the idea that you cannot fully know people-even yourself." * "You still see enough good in loving the person." ## Sep 10, 2024 ### Marriage * People get married for two reasons: * **Common Good of the Spouses** * "You intend the other’s happiness and commit to it wholeheartedly.” * “Love is the total self-giving for the good of the beloved." * **Procreation** * Marriage is a sacrament since it is a visible sign of grace. * Not all marriages are sacraments. * People formalize their total commitment to each other. * Grace is a gift, you have to make use of it. * It takes a lot of grace to be faithful to your marital vows. * In the contemporary notion of marriage: * Civil marriage is not marriage; it is a contract. * It started during the time of Napoleon Bonaparte. * He had a lot of political enemies; these enemies expanded through marital relations and formed alliances. * Some of these relations had the opportunity to love one another. * *Cum Spiratio* means being “one in spirit.” * You are not making decisions without the awareness of the other. * The kiss is an exchange of breath. * **Bethroted Love - Marriage → Conjugal Love** * **Properties of Marriage or Conjugal Love** - completeness to family life * **Indissolubility** * *“Can you give yourself totally to your spouse if you divorce?"* No. This violates this property. * If your spouse dies, it is acceptable to remarry. * Some people cannot handle loneliness. * **Exclusivity** * You have a choice to focus on the pre-existing family or re-extend it. * Marriage is exclusive between the two spouses. * **Polygamy** – one man; several women. * Islamic beliefs champion polygamy: *As much as reason is concerned, it is not reasonable. * Authentic faith and reason cannot contradict each other due to their singular source-God. * Authentic religion is reasonable based on the right reasons. * **Polyandry** - one women; several men * **Openness to Life** * It is not certain that a partner in a conjugal relationship is possible to procreate (e.g., fertility problems). * You are not permitted to the conception of the sperm and eggs (e.g., contraception, pills, iodine, injectibles). * If you use contraception, you only focus on the sex and remove the responsibility. * You become objects of pleasure if sex is the focus of a marital union. * A woman can only get pregnant two days a month. * Openness to life means openness to children - such as adoption. * Annulment is already a contradiction in terms. * In the church, there is a Declaration of Nullity that disregards the marriage. * You do not nullify something that is already valid - marriage is indissoluble. * **Offspring** is to animal; **child** is to human. ## Sep 13, 2024 ### "The Chicken or the Egg" * "You are not yet a father until your child is born; you are not yet a child unless you are conceived by a father." * "You become a father only after the birth of a child." * "If you get married, you are open to life." * **A Family is a natural Insitution** that spontaneously caters to the inherent and existential needs of man. * An Institution is an artificial entity set up to achieve a certain purpose. * Family is a natural Institution, one of the exceptions to the definition of *Institution* due to being non-artificial. * The desire to belong to a family flows innate to human nature. * Family of Orientation - origin family * Family of Procreation family after marriage * “You will want to do better for your kids.” * The Family is a natural institution in that it spontaneously flow from man’s nature in response to or to address his inherent and existential needs. * Being natural, no other family construction or alternative lifestyle founded on modern ideologies can substitute for the personal, existential and societal fulfillment it gives man. * **Meaning** - a sense of purpose in life * It has to spring from the family. * Education also sprung from the family. * Some Americans visited Prussia and were impressed by the military formations. They got the modeling and formulated what was now called the American public school system. * "Education starts at home." * Faith was also derived from the home of the family: * The early Christians used to hold masses or the Celebration of the Eucharist at the homes of faithful Christians. * Meaning is to be obtained in the family. * **Cycle of Family Life** * Married Couple * Child - bearing * Baby names are aspirations for their kids- name them with meaning. * **Preschool Age** * **School Age** * **Teenage** * "There are limitations about the things you can tell to your parents; you and them have to learn the hard way." * Launching Center * Middle-age Parents * You start to lose your autonomy due to aging. * **Aging Family Members** * "You owe it to yourself to have a good foundation; if you started alone, you will end up alone." * **Elements that Build a Mutually-Satisfying Marriage (GREAT)** * **Good Communication (cornerstone)** * "You have to keep communicating as husband and wife." * If you stop talking to each other, you lose intimacy; you have to do whatever it takes to promote that intimacy. * "Communication builds and reinforces intimacy." * "You discuss times spent apart." * "You have to go out of your way to talk-even if you are not that outspoken, shy, or introverted." * “The way you say your affection can be a hindrance to show its original meaning.” * The conjugal act or sexual intercourse is not the only way of communication. * The Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility will impose itself on you. * Disinterest can diminish the effectiveness of communication. Consider if the disinterest stems from physical fatigue or indifference. * In communication, timing matters a lot. * If the timing is not a matter of life or death, do not insist on your intention of communication. * “You say one thing, you do another.” * Do not make promises that you are very likely to not commit. * The way you speak will be absorbed by your children. * There are existential differences in communication. * "Men are direct; women are indirect." * It is useful to put oneself in another’s perspective, and try to practice empathy. * **Real Partnership** - understanding one’s dedication and responsibility to another * "You take care of yourself to serve yourself for others." * "Many things will be revealed as you start living with each other under one home." * “You become a better version of yourself for the sake of your spouse." * "You cannot be a moral weakling; you have to condition yourself to be a good influence for your family." * "The man wants to feel needed; he wants to be affirmed that he is doing the right thing for the family." * "Don’t push your spouse into an extramarital affair through your own doing; do not mock him and make him feel worthless." * "Encourage him to do the best." * "Ladies, you don’t nag at your spouse." * "Allow each to actualize their potential." * You are equal in nature, but are existentially different. * **Complement** - to help each other, in line with marriage * **Compliment** - to be for another. * **Effort** - dedication to keep the relationship strong. * "Love is a bonfire; you have to throw sticks to keep the fire alive-that is effort." * You have to exert effort to communicate (e.g., dates, gratitude for one’s effort). * There are heavy words that are lightly thrown *(e.o. test: "huy!"*) * "You call each other some special name that you do not use with other people." * “Don’t make us miserable; then you may have to leave; be diplomatic.” * "If the other makes us miserable, then you may have to leave; be diplomatic." * **Adaptability** - you learn how to deal with extended family members due to marriage. * "You have to tread between two opposing forces with tact and creativity." * **Total Commitment** (survival attitude) * Settle your sexual expectations with your spouse * “There are always be vicissitudes." * Vicissitudes are erratic changes in life. * Sometimes you may have to