Dad's Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies PDF

Spine:.672” Pregnancy & Childbirth/Parenting...

Spine:.672” Pregnancy & Childbirth/Parenting ™ g Easier! Making Everythin A practical, hands-on guide for fathers-to-be Open the book and find: Dad’s Gu ide Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy When it comes to pregnancy, your role as a dad has How a fetus develops in every trimester changed so much in the past few decades that it’s cy hard to know where to turn for guidance. Now you n Advice on when and how to do! This hands-on, friendly guide is packed with practical information for fathers-to-be, covering all of the logistical, physical, and emotional aspects of pregnancy from your unique perspective. Take the fear out of fatherhood — find out what share the good news Tips on baby gift registry and setting up the nursery What to expect during labor and delivery to Pregn a modern fatherhood means, determine if you’re ready for the financial and emotional demands of a baby, What to expect the first six and learn what you don’t know about conception months after the baby arrives Pregnancy and childbirth 101 — get the lowdown The 4-1-1 on feeding and on what to expect during pregnancy, labor, and changing diapers delivery, from your perspective as well as your partner’s Tips for dealing with common So you’re a father — oh, boy (or girl)! — discover illnesses and emergencies how to care for your newborn — from bottle feeding Survival tips every new dad to changing diapers to soothing your baby needs to know Be the perfect postpartum partner — support your partner by helping with the baby and household, and by attending to her emotionally as well Learn to: Grasp the logistical, physical, and emotional aspects of pregnancy Go to Dummies.com® for videos, step-by-step examples, Understand what to expect at how-to articles, or to shop! doctor’s visits Be a supportive partner during (and after) pregnancy Know what to expect during labor and delivery $15.99 US / $18.99 CN / £12.99 UK ISBN 978-0-470-76790-0 Matthew M. F. Miller is a writer/editor, stay-at-home Matthew M. F. Miller dad, and author of Maybe Baby: An Infertile Love Story. Author of Maybe Baby: An Infertile Love Story Sharon Perkins, RN, is the author of several books, including Breastfeeding For Dummies. Sharon Perkins, RN Miller Registered nurse and author of Perkins Breastfeeding For Dummies  Spine:.672” Get More and Do More at Dummies.com ® Start with FREE Cheat Sheets Cheat Sheets include Checklists Charts Common Instructions And Other Good Stuff! Mobile Apps To access the Cheat Sheet created specifically for this book, go to www.dummies.com/cheatsheet/dadsguidetopregnancy Get Smart at Dummies.com Dummies.com makes your life easier with 1,000s of answers on everything from removing wallpaper to using the latest version of Windows. 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Miller and Sharon Perkins 01_9780470767900-ffirs.indd i01_9780470767900-ffirs.indd i 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies® Published by Wiley Publishing, Inc. 111 River St. Hoboken, NJ 07030-5774 www.wiley.com Copyright © 2011 by Wiley Publishing, Inc., Indianapolis, Indiana Published simultaneously in Canada No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise, except as permit- ted under Sections 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written per- mission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750-8400, fax (978) 646-8600. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) 748-6011, fax (201) 748-6008, or online at http:// www.wiley.com/go/permissions. Trademarks: Wiley, the Wiley Publishing logo, For Dummies, the Dummies Man logo, A Reference for the Rest of Us!, The Dummies Way, Dummies Daily, The Fun and Easy Way, Dummies.com, Making Everything Easier, and related trade dress are trademarks or registered trademarks of John Wiley & Sons, Inc. and/or its affiliates in the United States and other countries, and may not be used without written permission. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners. Wiley Publishing, Inc., is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book. LIMIT OF LIABILITY/DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTY: THE PUBLISHER AND THE AUTHOR MAKE NO REPRESENTATIONS OR WARRANTIES WITH RESPECT TO THE ACCURACY OR COMPLETENESS OF THE CONTENTS OF THIS WORK AND SPECIFICALLY DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES, INCLUDING WITH- OUT LIMITATION WARRANTIES OF FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. NO WARRANTY MAY BE CREATED OR EXTENDED BY SALES OR PROMOTIONAL MATERIALS. THE ADVICE AND STRATEGIES CONTAINED HEREIN MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR EVERY SITUATION. THIS WORK IS SOLD WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THE PUBLISHER IS NOT ENGAGED IN RENDERING LEGAL, ACCOUNTING, OR OTHER PROFESSIONAL SERVICES. IF PROFESSIONAL ASSISTANCE IS REQUIRED, THE SERVICES OF A COMPETENT PROFESSIONAL PERSON SHOULD BE SOUGHT. NEITHER THE PUBLISHER NOR THE AUTHOR SHALL BE LIABLE FOR DAMAGES ARISING HEREFROM. 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Library of Congress Control Number: 2010939503 ISBN: 978-0-470-76790-0 Manufactured in the United States of America 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 01_9780470767900-ffirs.indd ii01_9780470767900-ffirs.indd ii 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  About the Authors Matthew M. F. Miller is a dad to one, an uncle to ten, and a “father” to anyone who will listen to his countless nuggets of unsolicited advice. Author of the book Maybe Baby: An Infertile Love Story, Matthew is a graduate of the University of Southern California’s Master of Professional Writing program. Matthew lives in Chicago where he is a full-time work-at-home dad, providing childcare for his daughter while working as the health- and-wellness editor for a national newspaper syndicate. In his spare time (because there’s just so much of that!), Matthew is a musician, runner, tennis enthusiast, and baker. Sharon Perkins has never been a dad, but she’s had lots of experi- ence on the mom side of parenting, with five children and three grandchildren. Almost 25 years as a registered nurse in fertility, labor and delivery, and neonatal intensive care have also taught her a thing or two about pregnancy and babies. Sharon lives in New Jersey with her husband but would live in Disney World if it were legal. The opportunity to write about what she does for a living has been a dream come true. 01_9780470767900-ffirs.indd iii01_9780470767900-ffirs.indd iii 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM 01_9780470767900-ffirs.indd iv01_9780470767900-ffirs.indd iv 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  Dedications From Matt: Whether writing this book, watching tennis, or taking a nap, I am inspired, awed, and grateful for the love and support of my wife, Constance, and our beautiful daughter, Nola. Thank you for a charmed life. From Sharon: This book is dedicated to my three grandchildren, Matthew, Emma, and Jessica, who keep me current on what’s going on in the world of kids. Authors’ Acknowledgments From Matt: Writing about family takes a deep, rich understanding of what it means to be a good person, and I am grateful to my mom, dad, sisters, nieces, and nephews for teaching me how to be one. Also, a very special thanks to my favorite doula, Holly Barhamand, for teaching and empowering me to explore and educate myself about what childbirth means to me. As this is my first For Dummies tome, I am particularly grateful to the folks at Wiley, but also to Sharon herself. She took me under her wing and made this one of the most rewarding, fun experiences of my writing career. To my agent, Grace Freedson, you are a joy to work with and I look forward to the next amazing opportunity you bring my way. Finally, thank you to my wife and, most importantly, to our daugh- ter, an IVF baby born after nearly three years of waiting. And although we waited a long time for you, every day since your birth has been counted among the best of my life. From Sharon: Wiley took a chance on me with my first book, Fertility For Dummies, almost ten years ago, and I’ve been extremely grateful ever since. In particular, Lindsay Lefevere, Erin Mooney, Chrissy Guthrie, and Caitie Copple have been the usual pleasure to work with throughout this book’s creation. Matt Miller has been the easiest coauthor ever! From day one, our writing styles meshed, and this book just flowed. Thanks, Matt, for making this a piece of cake. And, last but not least, I thank my family for giving me so much raw material to work with over the years! 01_9780470767900-ffirs.indd v01_9780470767900-ffirs.indd v 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  Publisher’s Acknowledgments We’re proud of this book; please send us your comments at http://dummies.custhelp. com. For other comments, please contact our Customer Care Department within the U.S. at 877-762-2974, outside the U.S. at 317-572-3993, or fax 317-572-4002. Some of the people who helped bring this book to market include the following: Acquisitions, Editorial, and Media Composition Services Development Senior Project Coordinator: Kristie Rees Senior Project Editor: Christina Guthrie Layout and Graphics: Samantha K. Cherolis Executive Editor: Proofreaders: John Greenough, Toni Settle Lindsay Sandman Lefevere Indexer: Becky Hornyak Copy Editor: Caitlin Copple Illustrator: Kathryn Born Assistant Editor: David Lutton Technical Editor: Jared Beasley Editorial Manager: Christine Meloy Beck Editorial Assistants: Rachelle S. Amick, Jennette ElNaggar Art Coordinator: Alicia B. South Cover Photos: © Image Source/Corbis Cartoons: Rich Tennant (www.the5thwave.com) Publishing and Editorial for Consumer Dummies Diane Graves Steele, Vice President and Publisher, Consumer Dummies Kristin Ferguson-Wagstaffe, Product Development Director, Consumer Dummies Ensley Eikenburg, Associate Publisher, Travel Kelly Regan, Editorial Director, Travel Publishing for Technology Dummies Andy Cummings, Vice President and Publisher, Dummies Technology/General User Composition Services Debbie Stailey, Director of Composition Services 01_9780470767900-ffirs.indd vi01_9780470767900-ffirs.indd vi 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  Contents at a Glance Introduction...................................................... 1 Part I: So You Want to Be a Dad..................... 7 Chapter 1: Fatherhood: A Glorious, Scary, Mind-Boggling, and Amazing Experience.................................................................... 9 Chapter 2: Beyond the Bed: Conception Smarts................................. 23 Part II: Great Expectations: Nine Months and Counting............................... 45 Chapter 3: Surviving Sudden Doubts and Morning Sickness: The First Trimester........................................................................... 47 Chapter 4: Growing Into the Second Trimester................................... 65 Chapter 5: The Fun Stuff: Nesting, Registering, and Naming............. 79 Chapter 6: Expecting the Unexpected.................................................. 95 Chapter 7: In the Home Stretch: The Third Trimester..................... 113 Chapter 8: The Copilot’s Guide to Birthing Options......................... 129 Part III: Game Time! Labor, Delivery, and Baby’s Homecoming................................ 149 Chapter 9: Surviving Labor and Delivery........................................... 151 Chapter 10: Caring for Your Newborn................................................ 173 Chapter 11: Supporting the New Mom................................................ 197 Part IV: A Dad’s Guide to Worrying................ 217 Chapter 12: Dealing with Difficult Issues after Delivery................... 219 Chapter 13: Daddy 911: Survival Tips for Bumps, Lumps, and Scary Moments........................................................................ 233 Chapter 14: Time and Money: The High Cost of Having a Baby...... 255 Chapter 15: Planning for Your New Family’s Future......................... 277 Part V: The Part of Tens................................. 293 Chapter 16: Ten Things She Won’t Ask for but Will Expect............. 295 Chapter 17: Ten Ways to Be a Super Dad from Day One.................. 301 Index............................................................ 307 02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd vii02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd vii 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM 02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd viii02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd viii 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  Table of Contents Introduction....................................................... 1 About This Book........................................................................ 1 Conventions Used in This Book............................................... 2 What You’re Not to Read.......................................................... 2 Foolish Assumptions................................................................. 3 How This Book Is Organized.................................................... 3 Part I: So You Want to Be a Dad.................................. 3 Part II: Great Expectations: Nine Months and Counting................................................................ 4 Part III: Game Time! Labor, Delivery, and Baby’s Homecoming............................................ 4 Part IV: A Dad’s Guide to Worrying............................... 4 Part V: The Part of Tens.................................................. 4 Icons Used in This Book............................................................ 4 Where to Go from Here............................................................. 5 Part I: So You Want to Be a Dad...................... 7 Chapter 1: Fatherhood: A Glorious, Scary, Mind- Boggling, and Amazing Experience...............9 Looking at the Concept of Fatherhood................................. 10 A father? Who, me?........................................................ 10 Reacting to a life-changing event................................. 10 Dealing with fears of fatherhood................................. 11 Debunking a few myths of fatherhood........................ 12 Becoming a Modern Dad......................................................... 14 Changes in your personal life....................................... 15 Changes in your professional life................................ 15 Lifestyle changes to consider...................................... 16 Deciding to Take the Plunge (Or Not)................................... 17 Determining whether you’re ready............................. 17 Telling your partner you’re ready............................... 18 Telling your partner you’re not ready........................ 18 Being patient when one of you is ready (and the other isn’t).................................................. 19 Dealing with an unexpected pregnancy...................... 19 Welcoming long-awaited pregnancies......................... 20 Glimpsing into the Pregnancy Process Ahead..................... 20 First trimester................................................................ 21 Second trimester............................................................ 21 Third trimester............................................................... 21 While You Were Gestating...................................................... 22 02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd ix02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd ix 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  x Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies Chapter 2: Beyond the Bed: Conception Smarts......23 Understanding Conception..................................................... 23 Baby making 101............................................................ 23 Conception statistics..................................................... 27 Answering commonly asked questions about getting pregnant.............................................. 27 Evaluating Health to Get Ready for Parenthood.................. 28 Uncovering female health issues that impact conception..................................................... 29 Recognizing issues that cause fertility problems in men.......................................... 30 Assessing lifestyle choices that affect eggs and sperm.......................................................... 31 Keeping Sex from Becoming a Chore.................................... 33 Choosing the best time for conception...................... 33 Looking at do’s and don’ts for scheduling sex.......... 35 Taking a Brief Yet Important Look at Infertility................... 36 Knowing the facts about infertility.............................. 36 Checking on potential problems when nothing’s happening.................................................. 37 Working through it when your partner needs treatment........................................... 38 Exploring solutions when your sperm don’t stack up............................................................. 39 Deciding how far to go to get pregnant...................... 42 Sharing Your Decision to Have a Baby.................................. 42 Considering the pros and cons of spilling the beans...43 Handling unsolicited advice about reproduction...... 43 Part II: Great Expectations: Nine Months and Counting................................ 45 Chapter 3: Surviving Sudden Doubts and Morning Sickness: The First Trimester...........47 Baby on Board: It’s Official!.................................................... 47 Reacting when your partner breaks the news........... 48 Making the announcement to friends and family...... 48 Overcoming your fears of being a father.................... 49 Finding a Practitioner Who Thinks Like You........................ 50 Finding a doctor who works for both of you.............. 50 Attending the first of many prenatal visits................. 52 Going to the first ultrasound........................................ 52 Baby’s Development during the First Trimester................. 53 He may not look like much now, but........................ 53 Amazing changes in weeks 7 to 12.............................. 54 02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd x02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd x 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  Table of Contents xi Dealing with Possible Complications in the First Trimester............................................................... 55 Miscarrying in early pregnancy................................... 55 Understanding ectopic pregnancy.............................. 57 Coping with pregnancy loss......................................... 58 Common First Trimester Discomforts — Yours and Hers... 58 Helping your partner cope with the symptoms of early pregnancy..................................................... 59 Getting used to strange new maternal habits............ 60 Taking on your emerging support role....................... 62 Chapter 4: Growing Into the Second Trimester.......65 Tracking Baby’s Development during the Second Trimester.......................................................... 65 Growing and changing in months four and five......... 66 Refining touches in the sixth month........................... 67 Checking Out Mom’s Development in the Second Trimester.......................................................... 67 Gaining weight healthfully............................................ 68 Looking pregnant at last!.............................................. 70 Testing in the Second Trimester............................................ 71 Preparing for the risks of tests and ultrasounds....... 72 Understanding blood test results................................ 72 Following up on the test results.................................. 73 Scrutinizing ultrasounds............................................... 73 Having Sex in the Second Trimester...................................... 75 Maintaining a healthy sex life during pregnancy....... 75 Addressing common myths and concerns................. 76 Exploring Different Options for Childbirth Classes............. 77 Chapter 5: The Fun Stuff: Nesting, Registering, and Naming........................79 Preparing the Nursery and Home, or “Nesting”................... 79 Making the house spic and span — and then some... 80 Setting up the nursery................................................... 81 Arranging the nursery for two or more...................... 83 Baby-proofing 101.......................................................... 83 Understanding the Art of the Baby Registry........................ 85 Doing your homework ahead of time to get exactly what you want................................... 85 Finding out what you need — and what you think you won’t need but can’t live without!.................... 86 Discovering five things you don’t have to have but will adore...................................... 89 Checking out five things you don’t have to have and will never adore.................................... 90 02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xi02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xi 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  xii Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies Surviving the Baby Shower..................................................... 90 Naming Your Baby................................................................... 91 Narrowing down your long list.................................... 92 Reconciling father/mother differences of opinion.... 92 Discussing choices with friends and family............... 93 Chapter 6: Expecting the Unexpected...............95 Managing Pregnancy-Related Medical Issues....................... 95 Pregnancy-induced hypertension................................ 95 Gestational diabetes...................................................... 96 Placenta previa.............................................................. 97 Mandatory bed rest....................................................... 98 Handling Abnormal Ultrasounds......................................... 100 Birth defects................................................................. 100 Fetal demise.................................................................. 101 Preparing Yourself for Preterm Labor and Delivery......... 102 Recognizing the risks of preterm delivery............... 102 Handling feelings of guilt............................................ 103 Navigating the NICU.................................................... 103 Knowing what to expect with a preemie.................. 105 Clarifying common problems..................................... 105 Learning the ropes — er, wires.................................. 106 Preparing for preemie setbacks................................. 107 Taking baby home....................................................... 107 Hi, Baby Baby Baby: Having Multiples................................ 108 Multiple identities: What multiples are and who has them.................................................... 108 Health risks for mom................................................... 109 Risks for the babies..................................................... 110 Keeping Cool in Monetary Emergencies............................. 111 Checking out your insurance limits.......................... 111 Covering the cost of unexpected medical expenses..................................................... 112 Chapter 7: In the Home Stretch: The Third Trimester...113 Tracking Baby’s Development during the Third Trimester........................................................... 113 Adding pounds and maturing in the seventh and eighth months............................. 114 Getting everything in place in the ninth month....... 114 Finding Out What Mom Goes Through in the Third Trimester........................................................... 116 Understanding your partner’s physical changes.... 116 Heeding warning signs................................................ 118 Bracing for your partner’s emotional changes........ 118 02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xii02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xii 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  Table of Contents xiii Sympathizing with her desire to have this over, already....................................... 120 Dealing with tears, panic, and doubts....................... 120 Getting Your Paperwork in Order........................................ 122 Understanding your insurance.................................. 122 Preparing for the costs if you don’t have insurance......................................................... 124 Guaranteeing a smooth admissions process at the hospital............................................ 125 Whose Baby Is This, Anyway? Dealing with Overbearing Family Members.......................................... 126 Picking a Pediatrician............................................................ 126 Chapter 8: The Copilot’s Guide to Birthing Options... 129 Making Sure Your Birth Practitioner Is a Good Fit............ 130 Screening potential practitioners.............................. 130 Working with a midwife.............................................. 131 Getting some additional help with a doula............... 132 Choosing Where to Deliver................................................... 133 Delivering at a hospital............................................... 134 Exploring alternative options: Using a midwife at home......................................... 135 Looking at Labor Choices..................................................... 136 Going all natural or getting the epidural.................. 137 Taking it to the water.................................................. 138 Creating a Birth Plan.............................................................. 138 Visualizing your ideal experience.............................. 139 Drafting your plan........................................................ 140 Sharing your birth plan with the world.................... 143 Picking the Cast: Who’s Present, Who Visits, and Who Gets a Call.................................................................. 145 Deciding who gets to attend the birth.......................... 145 Planning ahead for visitors......................................... 146 Planting a phone tree.................................................. 146 Part III: Game Time! Labor, Delivery, and Baby’s Homecoming................................. 149 Chapter 9: Surviving Labor and Delivery............151 When It’s Time, It’s Time — Is It Time?............................... 151 Avoiding numerous dry runs (yes, it’s us again)..... 152 Knowing when it’s too late to go............................... 153 Supporting Your Partner during Labor............................... 154 Figuring out how she wants to be supported.......... 154 Not taking the insults seriously................................. 154 02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xiii02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xiii 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  xiv Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies Looking at What Happens during and after Labor............ 155 First stage..................................................................... 155 Second stage................................................................. 156 Wrapping things up after the birth............................ 157 Helping baby right after delivery............................... 158 Undergoing Common Labor Procedures............................ 159 Vaginal exams.............................................................. 159 IVs.................................................................................. 159 Membrane ruptures..................................................... 160 Fetal monitoring........................................................... 161 Coping with Labor Pain......................................................... 163 Enduring it: Going natural.......................................... 163 Dulling it: Sedation (No, not for you)........................ 164 Blotting it out: Epidurals............................................. 164 Deviating From Your Birth Plan/Vision............................... 167 Having a Cesarean.................................................................. 168 Scheduled cesarean section....................................... 168 Unplanned cesarean delivery..................................... 169 What to expect before the operation........................ 170 What to expect during the surgery........................... 171 Getting past disappointment...................................... 172 Chapter 10: Caring for Your Newborn..............173 Knowing What to Expect When Baby’s Born..................... 173 Looking at newborns................................................... 173 Rating the reflexes....................................................... 175 Feeding a Newborn................................................................ 176 Choosing to breast-feed.............................................. 176 Bottle-feeding basics................................................... 179 Changing Diapers................................................................... 181 Cleaning baby boys..................................................... 182 Cleaning baby girls...................................................... 183 Bathing Basics........................................................................ 183 Holding Your Baby................................................................. 185 Cosleeping Pros and Cons.................................................... 186 Back to Sleep: Helping Baby Sleep Safely and Comfortably................................................................. 187 Coping if baby hates being on his back.................... 187 Swaddling your little one............................................ 188 Preventing the flat head look..................................... 188 Soothing Baby Indigestion.................................................... 190 Crying with colic.......................................................... 191 Gas................................................................................. 191 Reflux............................................................................. 192 Scheduling Immunizations.................................................... 193 Skipping some shots?.................................................. 194 Spreading them out..................................................... 194 02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xiv02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xiv 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  Table of Contents xv Chapter 11: Supporting the New Mom.............197 Handling Housework during Recovery............................... 198 Getting the house in order......................................... 198 Taking care of meals.................................................... 202 Calling in backup......................................................... 203 Supporting a Breast-Feeding Mom....................................... 204 Making the decision to breast-feed........................... 204 Offering lactation support.......................................... 206 Including yourself in the process.............................. 207 Dealing with Postcesarean Issues........................................ 208 Helping with a normal recovery................................ 208 Knowing when to call the doctor............................... 209 Riding the Ups and Downs of Hormones................................ 209 Thinking before speaking in the sensitive postpartum period................................................... 209 Shedding light on physical symptoms...................... 210 Supporting her baby blues......................................... 211 Recognizing postpartum depression........................ 211 Sleeping (Or Doing Without)................................................ 212 Coping with Company........................................................... 213 Dealing with grabby grandmas.................................. 214 Managing unsolicited advice...................................... 214 Handling hurt feelings when you want to be alone....215 Approaching Sex: It’s Like Riding a Bicycle........................ 216 Part IV: A Dad’s Guide to Worrying................. 217 Chapter 12: Dealing with Difficult Issues after Delivery..........................219 Coping with Serious Health Problems................................. 219 Congenital defects....................................................... 219 Developmental delays................................................. 220 Illnesses......................................................................... 222 SIDS................................................................................ 222 Watching Out for Postpartum Issues.................................. 224 Getting through the “baby blues”.............................. 224 Taking a look at postpartum depression.................. 224 Acting fast to treat postpartum psychosis............... 227 Managing Grief....................................................................... 228 Going through the stages of grief.............................. 228 Why, why, why? Getting past the question.............. 229 Grieving together and separately.............................. 229 Determining when grief has gone on too long......... 230 Talking to Other People about Your Child......................... 231 Telling other people.................................................... 231 Handling insensitive remarks..................................... 232 02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xv02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xv 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  xvi Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies Chapter 13: Daddy 911: Survival Tips for Bumps, Lumps, and Scary Moments....................233 Handling Inevitable Illnesses................................................ 233 Nursing baby through common childhood diseases.................................................. 234 Staying alert for scarier diseases............................... 239 Protecting Baby from Common Accidents and What to Do When They Happen....................................... 240 Taking care of baby after a fall................................... 240 Staying safe in the car................................................. 241 Managing Medical Crises at Home....................................... 243 Don’t panic! Don’t panic!............................................. 243 Calling the doctor........................................................ 243 Open Wide, Baby! Administering Medicine........................ 244 Taking a Baby’s Temperature.............................................. 245 Choosing a thermometer............................................ 246 Taking a rectal temperature....................................... 247 Recognizing fevers....................................................... 248 Deciphering Diaper Contents............................................... 249 Knowing what’s normal.............................................. 249 Checking out color changes....................................... 250 Teething Symptoms and Remedies..................................... 250 Reacting to Medicines and Vaccines................................... 251 Vaccination reactions — yours and your baby’s.... 252 Medications that cause reactions.............................. 252 Dealing with Food Allergies.................................................. 253 Introducing new foods................................................ 253 Recognizing allergic reactions................................... 254 Preventing allergic reactions..................................... 254 Chapter 14: Time and Money: The High Cost of Having a Baby..............................255 Creating a New Work/Life Balance with Baby.................... 255 Taking time off with paternity leave.......................... 256 Managing sick time when you’re back at work........ 258 Dealing with after-work expectations....................... 259 Reprioritizing your commitments............................. 260 Readjusting When and If Mom Goes Back to Work........... 262 Making going back to work easier on mom.............. 262 Deciding to be a stay-at-home parent....................... 264 Helping mom adjust if she doesn’t go back to work........................................................ 266 Becoming a stay-at-home dad.................................... 267 02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xvi02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xvi 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  Table of Contents xvii Exploring the Expected (And Unexpected) Costs of Baby...................................................................... 268 Deciding what baby really needs............................... 268 Bracing yourself for the costs of must-have baby supplies........................................ 269 Comparing childcare options and costs................... 271 Managing Your Money.......................................................... 273 Prioritizing your needs............................................... 274 Determining where to cut costs................................. 275 Chapter 15: Planning for Your New Family’s Future...277 Securing a Financially Sound Future................................... 277 Prioritize your expenses............................................. 278 Create a budget (and stick to it)................................ 279 Pay down your debt.................................................... 280 Create an emergency fund.......................................... 281 Buy disability insurance............................................. 281 Contribute to a retirement account.......................... 282 Work with a financial advisor.................................... 282 Mind your credit score............................................... 282 Saving Money for Your Child’s Education.......................... 283 Getting the Lowdown on Life Insurance............................. 284 Making sure you and your partner have adequate life insurance........................................... 284 Considering a policy for your baby........................... 285 Health Insurance Options for Newborns............................ 286 Adding baby to an existing work-paid plan.............. 286 Buying coverage just for baby................................... 287 Obtaining free and low-cost care for uninsured kids.................................................... 288 Taking Care of Legal Matters................................................ 288 Creating a will............................................................... 288 Establishing power of attorney.................................. 291 Part V: The Part of Tens.................................. 293 Chapter 16: Ten Things She Won’t Ask for but Will Expect...............................295 Keep It Complimentary......................................................... 295 Start a Baby Book................................................................... 296 Disguise Fitness as Fun......................................................... 296 Curb Your Advice................................................................... 297 Attend Prenatal Appointments............................................ 297 Plan a Getaway....................................................................... 298 02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xvii02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xvii 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  xviii Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies Register for a Prenatal Parenting Class............................... 298 Do Your Homework and Spread the Word......................... 299 Learn Prenatal Massage........................................................ 299 Clean High and Low............................................................... 300 Chapter 17: Ten Ways to Be a Super Dad from Day One.................................301 Overcome Fragility Fears...................................................... 301 Trust Your Instincts............................................................... 302 Bond Skin-to-Skin, Eye-to-Eye............................................... 302 Manage Frustrations.............................................................. 303 Embrace Your Goofy Side..................................................... 304 Get Out.................................................................................... 304 Teach Baby New Tricks......................................................... 305 Roughhouse the Safe Way.................................................... 306 Read Aloud... and Not Just from Baby Books.................. 306 Send Mom Away..................................................................... 306 Index............................................................. 307 02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xviii02_9780470767900-ftoc.indd xviii 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  Introduction W elcome to impending fatherhood! Being a dad is better than you can ever imagine and far less scary than you’re probably believing it to be. One of the main reasons we wrote this book was to empower men to get actively involved in every aspect of the childbirth process, as well as the care, feeding, and loving of newborns. Most dads-to-be have only a dim idea of what parent- hood is going to be like, and their excitement mixes liberally with sheer terror and trepidation. We hope this book will spare you some of that fear and trepidation by giving you the knowledge you need to feel confident. Traditionally, men have been removed from the processes of pregnancy, labor and delivery, and raising children. On TV, fathers have long been portrayed as emotionally distant, bumbling fools incapable of changing diapers, getting kids to go to bed, or han- dling any of the routine tasks that mothers seem to do with ease. In reality, today’s dad is confident, capable, and totally in love with his children — and not afraid to let it show. Not that it all comes easily and naturally. Learning how to support your pregnant part- ner and, subsequently, to care for a newborn, takes time, effort, and education. Most men in the world will become fathers at some point, and most will enter the experience without much knowledge of how babies develop, how to be a supportive partner, or what their role should be in the process. But not you. The savvy readers of this book will be prepared for just about anything — and will know exactly what it takes to be an equal partner on the pregnancy (and parenting) journey. About This Book This book answers all the burning questions you have about the impact your partner’s pregnancy will have on your life. We tell you how your sex life will change, because we know that’s at the top of your list. But we also explain everything you ever wanted to know about how a fetus develops, what it’s like to live with a pregnant woman, and how your pocketbook will be hit by adding a new member (or members) to your family. 03_9780470767900-intro.indd 103_9780470767900-intro.indd 1 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  2 Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies We also delve a little into what to expect the first six months or so after the baby arrives. We walk you through the ins and outs of feed- ing, changing diapers, dealing with common illnesses and emergen- cies, and how to stay sane and true to yourself through it all. In short, you will close this book feeling completely prepared for fatherhood. You won’t be, because no one ever is, but you’ll at least feel like you are until the baby comes. Conventions Used in This Book Following are a few conventions we used when writing this book: ✓ We don’t know if your baby is a boy or girl — you may not even know that yourself. So we use he and she interchange- ably throughout. ✓ Because we also don’t know if your medical practitioner is a doctor or midwife, or a pediatrician or nurse practitioner, we use the term medical practitioner when we talk about anyone medical. ✓ We call your partner your partner, because that’s what she is, in every sense. ✓ We use italic font to highlight new terms, and we follow them up with a clear definition. ✓ Boldfaced font indicates keywords or the action in numbered steps. ✓ Monofont is used for Web addresses. What You’re Not to Read If you decide this book is too long, you may decide to skip some of it, so you want to know what’s not very important. Naturally, we think every word we’ve written is not only essential but brilliant, so we’re the wrong people to ask. However, info marked with the Technical Stuff icon may be more than you want to have to think about. Information marked with this icon is certainly interesting and helpful, but skipping it won’t impede your understanding of the topic in the slightest. Also, we’ve included sidebars throughout the book (look for gray- shaded boxes) that often contain interesting but nonessential information and personal stories, and we give you permission to skip them if you really have to. 03_9780470767900-intro.indd 203_9780470767900-intro.indd 2 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  Introduction 3 If your partner is already pregnant, congratulations! That means you can skip Chapter 2, which discusses conception. And we hope everyone will be able to skip reading Chapter 12, which discusses problems that can come up after delivery. However, you may still want to skim this one so you’ll know where to turn in the unfortu- nate event of complications. Foolish Assumptions If you picked up this book, we assume you fall into at least one of the following categories: ✓ You don’t know much about pregnancy. ✓ You’re an expectant dad. ✓ You’re hoping to become an expectant dad. ✓ You are already a father but are looking to learn new tricks for the next go-round. ✓ You know an expectant dad and would like to get into his head and understand why he’s behaving the way he is. Expectant dads are often the forgotten partner in the new family- to-be, and they need all the understanding they can get. How This Book Is Organized This book starts with the process of getting pregnant and ends with practical information on day-to-day dad stuff. However, we know you may not be interested in reading about the journey straight through from beginning to end. So feel free to start wher- ever you want. If tomorrow is your first ultrasound appointment, jump right into that section so you know what to expect. If your partner isn’t pregnant yet but you want to read about labor, go right ahead. Every chapter of this book is modular, which means you can understand it without reading other chapters first. Part I: So You Want to Be a Dad... Becoming a dad is one of the most exciting times of a man’s life, but that doesn’t mean you don’t also have concerns and questions. This part dives into the normal fears and frustrations associated with deciding to start a family and the actual process of getting pregnant — and no, you don’t already know it all! 03_9780470767900-intro.indd 303_9780470767900-intro.indd 3 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  4 Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies Part II: Great Expectations: Nine Months and Counting Your partner may be the one who’s pregnant, but you’re in it for the ride, too. From morning sickness to labor, we tell you exactly what happens during pregnancy, from your perspective as well as hers and the baby’s. We also talk about the fun stuff, like baby showers (okay, maybe not so fun for you) and naming, and the not fun stuff, like potential health issues for mom and baby. We also give you an overview of birthing options so you can talk knowledg- ably with your partner about what she wants to do. Part III: Game Time! Labor, Delivery, and Baby’s Homecoming No one ever said labor and delivery are fun, but they are interest- ing, and you have a lot to learn if you want to win the supportive partner of the year award. This part covers everything about actu- ally having the baby, from the first contraction to the first all-night crying session — which just may come from an exhausted parent, not the baby! Part IV: A Dad’s Guide to Worrying This part touches on all the things that keep you up at night worry- ing after the baby’s born. We discuss possible postdelivery issues such as congenital defects and postpartum depression as well as baby’s inevitable illnesses. If your worries are more monetary, we also advise you on handling your money with an expensive new baby and planning for your family’s financial security. We also help you stay sane and happy with suggestions for managing your time so that you don’t let the new baby take over your life. Part V: The Part of Tens The Part of Tens is just fun. We touch on how to be both a super dad and a super partner. We also talk about what it’s like to be a stay-at-home dad. Icons Used in This Book Icons are another handy tool you can use as you work your way through this book. If you find the tips really helpful, for instance, 03_9780470767900-intro.indd 403_9780470767900-intro.indd 4 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  Introduction 5 you can skim through and search for that icon. Conversely, when you see a Technical Stuff icon, you can know that information is completely skippable (though certainly worth the extra time, if you have it). Following is a rundown of the icons we use in this book: The Remember icon sits next to information we hope stays in your head for more than two minutes. TechnicalStuff goes into more detail than you really need to under- stand the facts, but you may find it interesting if you’re an espe- cially curious type. The Tip icon gives helpful insider info that you may take years to learn on your own. Whenever we use a Warning icon, you’d better sit up and take notice, because not heeding our warning could be disastrous for you or your loved ones. Where to Go from Here This is where we tell you to go read the book, already! Although you can start absolutely any place and get the benefit of our expertise, if your partner isn’t yet pregnant or is newly preg- nant, we suggest starting at the beginning and reading right on through. It will calm your nerves, we promise. If you’re the last-minute type of guy and you’re reading this book just a few months (or weeks!) before the impending birth, you can certainly skip the first trimester stuff (at least this time around) and start wherever makes the most sense for you. And if you got this book at the beginning of the pregnancy but never got around to opening it until now, when baby has his first case of sniffles, that’s okay too — we still have plenty of valuable information for you. Pregnancy is the start of the adventure, but the fun continues long after. 03_9780470767900-intro.indd 503_9780470767900-intro.indd 5 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  6 Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies 03_9780470767900-intro.indd 603_9780470767900-intro.indd 6 10/25/10 12:23 PM10/25/10 12:23 PM  Part I So You Want to Be a Dad... 04_9780470767900-pp01.indd 704_9780470767900-pp01.indd 7 10/25/10 12:24 PM10/25/10 12:24 PM  In this part... C hances are, the road to fatherhood wasn’t something you dwelled on much in your earlier years. When you decide to begin a family, though, exciting thoughts about conception alternate with fears of not being a good dad and concerns about money, time, and a brand-new way of life. In this part we look at the doubts and worries that consume every new dad-to-be and explain the mechanics of getting pregnant. You may think this is one area where you need no help, but many couples find getting pregnant a frustrating struggle, and even those who don’t can bene- fit from a refresher course on Conception 101. 04_9780470767900-pp01.indd 804_9780470767900-pp01.indd 8 10/25/10 12:24 PM10/25/10 12:24 PM  Chapter 1 Fatherhood: A Glorious, Scary, Mind-Boggling, and Amazing Experience In This Chapter ▶ Exploring what it means to be a father today ▶ Understanding what will change in your life ▶ Facing the decision of whether to have a baby ▶ Looking down the long road ahead A pparently congratulations are in order: Either you’re going to be a father sometime within the next nine months or you’re in the planning stages of becoming a dad. Either way, you’ve come to the right place. You’ll face no bigger life decision than choos- ing to become a parent (and no bigger jolt than being told baby is coming if you didn’t expect it!), and the best gift you can give to your soon-to-be child is confidence. And the only way to feel con- fident before you’ve ever been a parent is to get yourself prepared for the unknown journey that lies ahead. Perhaps you’ve already been floored by equal doses of joy and fear, which is a good sign that you recognize the magnitude of the change but you’re up for the challenge of fatherhood. Emotions run deep when confronted with the prospect of raising a child, mainly because it’s a huge commitment and responsibility that, unlike a job, never has off-hours. Babies are expensive, confusing, time consuming and, for many fathers, they represent the end of a carefree “youth” that extends well into adulthood. Experiencing a jumble of feelings is normal, and the more you take those emotions to heart and explore what fatherhood means to you — and what kind of father you want to be — the easier the transition will be when baby arrives. 05_9780470767900-ch01.indd 905_9780470767900-ch01.indd 9 10/25/10 12:24 PM10/25/10 12:24 PM  10 Part I: So You Want to Be a Dad... Looking at the Concept of Fatherhood What exactly does it mean to be a father? The answer depends on the kind of father you want to be for your child. In recent years, movies, TV, and even commercials have begun to transition from the bumbling, know-nothing father of yore to the modern dad who is just as comfortable changing a diaper as he is fixing a car. Fathers today range from traditional to equal partners in every aspect of parenting. The majority of parents today don’t adhere to the traditional mas- culine and feminine roles that our parents and grandparents grew up with. Women work, men work, and caring for the home — inside and out — is both partners’ responsibility. Today, fatherhood is a flexible word that’s defined by how involved you want to be in the rearing of your child, but the more involved you are in your child’s upbringing, the more likely he is to be a well-adjusted, loving, and confident person. A father? Who, me? Yes, you. As strange as it sounds, you are going to be a father. A great one at that, because just through the mere act of reading this book, you’re taking the proverbial bull by the horns and doing your homework to learn what it takes to be a good dad from day one. As they say, anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad. Even if you’ve never held a baby before, don’t let self-doubt rule the day. Being a good father isn’t about knowing everything about everything; it’s about loving and caring for a baby to the best of your abilities. So don’t be afraid. Yes, that’s easier said than done, but being fearful of what lies ahead doesn’t change the fact that you’ve got a baby on the way, however far off. You may feel silly, but start by saying the words “I’m going to be a father” out loud a few times. Maybe even look into a mirror while you say it. If the thought of fatherhood scares you, you need to get used to the label, and the more you say and internalize it, the more it will become you. Reacting to a life-changing event Devolving into a tearful, slobbering mess upon finding out that you are going to be a father isn’t unusual. Neither is throwing up, passing 05_9780470767900-ch01.indd 1005_9780470767900-ch01.indd 10 10/25/10 12:24 PM10/25/10 12:24 PM  Chapter 1: Fatherhood 11 out, laughing, swearing, or any of the normal, healthy reactions people have upon receiving life-altering information. If your reaction isn’t 100 percent positive, that’s okay, too. Just remember that your partner likely won’t be particularly thrilled if you get upset, defensive, or angry when she tells you she’s expect- ing. As best as you can, react to the news with all the positivity you can muster. You’ll have plenty of time to revisit any concerns or frustrations after you’ve given the situation some time to sink in. Some dads-to-be go into fix-it mode upon hearing the news, ready and eager to crunch budget numbers, baby-proof the entire home in a single night, begin make college plans 18 years in advance, and so on. Feeling like you need to get everything in order before baby arrives is normal, but remember that you can’t do it all in a day, and take some time to celebrate before you dive into the practical side of life with baby. (Turn to Chapter 3 for more on handling the news.) Dealing with fears of fatherhood Even men who have been lucky enough to be surrounded by posi- tive male role models for their entire lives still find themselves doubting whether or not they have what it takes to be a dad. It’s like the fear of starting a new job amplified by 100. Part of being a good father is taking the time to confront these fears so that when baby comes, you won’t be parenting with fear. Following are some of the common fear-based questions men ask themselves in regard to fatherhood: ✓ Am I ready to give up my present life (free time, flexibility, freedom) to be a dad? ✓ Will I have time for my pastimes and friends? ✓ Will I ever sleep again? ✓ Is this the end of my marriage and sex life as I know it? ✓ Do we have enough money to raise a child? ✓ Do I know enough about kids to be a good dad? ✓ Am I mature enough to be a good role model for my child? ✓ What if the baby comes and I don’t love him? Your head may be spinning with all of the questions you ask your- self, and although you can’t answer them all right away, you need to address them at some point. However, plenty of men have felt unpre- pared and unwilling and turned out to be great dads, so don’t despair if your initial answers to the questions above are mostly negative. 05_9780470767900-ch01.indd 1105_9780470767900-ch01.indd 11 10/25/10 12:24 PM10/25/10 12:24 PM  12 Part I: So You Want to Be a Dad... Parenthood involves a lot of sacrifice, but it doesn’t have to sound the death knell for your identity or happiness. Talk with your part- ner, a trusted friend, or a therapist — anyone who will listen to you and support your concerns without getting defensive — about the questions you have. Some of your fears, as you will find, have no basis in reality. Others, such as the fear of losing yourself and your free time, will require you to prioritize your time and energy. Regardless of what your fears may be, don’t let them fester. No man is an island, and you can’t effectively deal with all those emo- tions by yourself. Starting an open dialogue with your partner will keep you both on the same page, which is a good start toward making you an effective parenting duo. Debunking a few myths of fatherhood Many of the concerns or fears you likely have originate from the many long-standing myths of what a father’s role should be in the life of a child. Not all that long ago, men stood in the waiting room at the hospital during delivery and returned to work the next day. The landscape of fatherhood has changed quickly, leaving the modern dad wondering where he fits in the parenting scheme. Following are some of the most common misconceptions about fatherhood. We debunk those myths to help you understand how to be a more-involved father. Myth #1: Only the mom-to-be should have input about labor and delivery While the focus is on your partner — she is, after all, the one carry- ing your child — you also matter, and you have the right to voice your opinions along the way. Throughout the pregnancy, share what you’re experiencing and let her know what you’re afraid of. She has a lot to think about and worry about, too, but the more you deal with those issues together, the stronger your relationship will become. If you have thoughts and opinions about what kind of delivery option you’re most comfortable with, share those with her as well. Although ultimately you need to let your partner pick the childbirth option that’s best for her, she deserves to know your feelings on the matter. Getting involved in the decision-making pro- cess isn’t just your right; it’s the right thing to do. You can turn to Chapter 8 to start getting informed on the options and many deci- sions to be made. Myth #2: Men aren’t ideal caretakers for newborns Boobs are generally the issue at the forefront of this myth. No, you won’t be able to breast-feed your child o