Art of Accompaniment Retreat PDF - Diocese of Saint Cloud - 12/18/2024

Art of Accompaniment Retreat Diocese of Saint Cloud 12/18/2024 What we will cover during our time today… Today we will set aside time to focus on the heart, for it is from this place where we enter into communion with God and one another. We will learn: What accompaniment...

Art of Accompaniment Retreat Diocese of Saint Cloud 12/18/2024 What we will cover during our time today… Today we will set aside time to focus on the heart, for it is from this place where we enter into communion with God and one another. We will learn: What accompaniment is and how it relates to our call to live as missionary disciples The relational dynamics, characterized by trust, vulnerability, and safety, that foster growth, healing, and transformation in those you accompany Listening skills to help you have transformational conversations with those you accompany A deeper understanding of the interior life and the dynamics of growth in the spiritual life Accompaniment as part of our Call to Live as Missionary Disciples Have you noticed phrases like "Missionary Discipleship" and "Art of Accompaniment" popping up in Church discussions lately? Where did these phrases come from? Are they just catholic buzzwords? Why are they relevant for us today? The answers to these questions will set the course for our conversation today What is a Missionary Disciple?  ”In virtue of their baptism, all the members of the People of God have become missionary disciples.” – Pope Francis, EG Missionary Disciples Pope Francis coined this phrase in 2013 when he released his apostolic exhortation “The Joy of the Gospel.” In this document, Pope Francis outlined his vision for the church and where it was going in the New Evangelization. He sends the whole church on mission  “In virtue of their baptism, all the members of the People of God have become missionary disciples (cf. Mt 28:19). All the We are all baptized, whatever their position in the Church or their level of instruction in the faith, Missionary are agents of evangelization, and it would be Disciples insufficient to envision a plan of evangelization to be carried out by professionals while the rest of the faithful would simply be passive recipients. …  “The new evangelization calls for personal involvement on the part of each of the baptized. Every Christian is challenged, here and now, to be actively engaged in evangelization; indeed, anyone who has truly experienced God’s saving We are all love does not need much time or lengthy Missionary training to go out and proclaim that love. Every Christian is a missionary to the extent that he or Disciples she has encountered the love of God in Christ Jesus: we no longer say that we are “disciples” and “missionaries”, but rather that we are always “missionary disciples”. Evangelii Gaudium (Joy of the Gospel) #120  A succinct definition of what it means to be Christian Missionary Disciple: one who follows Disciple Jesus Missionary: one who shares Jesus with others Accompaniment as part of our Call to Live as Missionary Disciples The Need for Accompaniment for Making Disciples “The Church will have to initiate everyone – priests, religious and laity – into this “art of accompaniment” which teaches us to remove our sandals before the sacred ground of the other (cf. Ex 3:5). The pace of this accompaniment must be steady and reassuring, reflecting our closeness and our compassionate gaze which also heals, liberates and encourages growth in the Christian life.” - EG 169  The "art of accompaniment" is the art of walking the art of with individuals and groups on their journey toward holiness. "The process of accompaniment leads to an walking with internalizing of the Gospel which 'involves the whole person in his or her unique experience of individuals life'”(Directory for Catechesis 2020, paragraph 3). Accompaniment is a relationship characterized by and groups on trust and transparency, that "teaches us to remove our sandals before the sacred ground of the their journey other...[in a way that] must be steady and reassuring, reflecting our closeness and our compassionate gaze toward which also heals, liberates and fosters growth in the Christian life" (The Joy of the Gospel 169). The way holiness. we serve, lead, and teach can be enhanced through the art of accompaniment. Leading others ever closer to God… “Although it sounds obvious, spiritual accompaniment must lead others ever closer to God, in whom we attain true freedom. Some people think they are free if they can avoid God; they fail to see that they remain existentially orphaned, helpless, homeless. They cease being pilgrims and become drifters, flitting around themselves and never getting anywhere. To accompany them would be counterproductive if it became a sort of therapy supporting their self-absorption and ceased to be a pilgrimage with Christ to the Father.” EG170 Goal: Union with God “The whole purpose of our creation, the whole purpose of our redemption is so that we may be fully united with God in every aspect of our being. We exist for union; we were created for union; we were redeemed for eternal union… “It is through our union with Jesus, our contemplation of His ‘face,’ that we are, little by little transformed and made ready for the beatific vision, which is a participation in the ecstatic knowing and loving of the Trinity, a participation in Love itself.” - Ralph Martin, Fulfillment of All Desire We are all Called to Holiness “all the faithful of Christ of whatever rank or status, are called to the fullness of the Christian life and to the perfection of charity” - LG, 40 Perfection in charity – perfect in love We were created to love and be loved The beatific vision – heaven - is a participation in the ecstatic knowing and loving of the Trinity, a participation in Love itself.  Why Accompaniment is Essential to Evangelization Christianity is essentially relational. We come to understand our relationship with Jesus Christ in relationships with other people Evangelization happens most powerfully within the context of relationships The missionary disciple must walk alongside others as they journey into conversion and deeper relationship with Christ We are made in the image and likeness of the Triune God God is a communion of persons — He is the communion of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, a communion constituted by love, by the self- giving of the three Persons. Man becomes the image of God not so much in the moment of solitude as in the moment of communion. (John Paul II) We were made for relationships. Relationships are the norm - Not something we periodically require when we are lonely or in trouble - We are made for relationships  Accompaniment calls us to engage in the lives of others “God decided to incarnate himself, to come right alongside people. The Word didn’t have to become flesh and “pitch a tent” right in our neighborhood. But he did (John 1:14). This is the incarnational way of God, his chosen way to bring people to himself. And it points the way for us, his children, to get along in this world as well. We aren’t to preach at people from on high but to come alongside, to shake hands and befriend. To build trust.” Everts, Don; Schaupp, Doug. I Once Was Lost (p. 33). InterVarsity Press. Kindle Edition. The scriptural model for growing disciples is through relationships We often try to make disciples through programs But the scriptural model for growing disciples is through relationships Jesus called the Twelve to “be with Him” (Mark 3:14), for their lives would be transformed by being in relationship with him Curriculum, knowledge of the faith, skills and doctrines are all important, but for transformation to occur, all of this must be processed in the context of a relational commitment “Transforming Discipleship: making disciples a few at a time”, Greg Ogden What a culture of accompaniment looks like in the church Accompaniment moves us from a culture of transaction to transformation From Resources to relationship From Process to People A transaction culture looks like: offering a website or resource to questions people have about church teaching, without engaging in relationship to get to know the deeper places in their heart Accompaniment: Why we especially need it now We are starved for authentic relationships Our digital culture gives us the illusion of connection, while actually causing disconnection. “Digital connections and the sociable robot may offer the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship. Our networked life allows us to hide from each other, even as we are tethered to each other. We’d rather text than talk.” – Sherry Turkle, Alone Together Opportunities for Isolation Online Shopping AI Medicine Door dash food and pharma Online Banking  Who has personally accompanied you on your journey of faith? Share with Who are you called to your accompany? neighbor: What resistance do you have to accompaniment? Accompaniment, where do we start? How does this apply to our daily life? Who might you be likely to accompany? A child still at home questioning faith Parents of my children's friends (on sports teams) Friends in my golf league and running group Teens and college students People transitioning to new roles or retirement A bartender who told me that his wife just kicked him out of the house Mother and her friends at senior apartment Family members who have no faith background. Person with terminal illness Someone who is struggling to accomplish a big event in their life. What challenges do you face in accompaniment? Too busy 15% Not sure what to say 82% Don't feel qualified to help 70% Don’t feel that it matters 3% What challenges do you face in accompaniment? Trying to find the sweet spot between listening and offering helpful advice. Don't want others to feel I’m judging them I feel like I need to have the right answer or feeling like I have an agenda… it’s hard sometimes to be unattached to results and just be present Fear of rejection Insecurity/fear Afraid of being told to “mind my own business” Fear of opening the door and actually losing a relationship by opening it.  It all begins with trust.. The five thresholds of conversion were developed by Don Everts and Doug Schaupp and outlined in their book, I Once Was Lost. The authors derived these thresholds from the stories of postmodern skeptics who shared their stories of coming to faith. All of those interviewed seemed to pass through the same five distinct stages Sherry Weddell, author of the book “Forming Intentional Disciples” expanded upon these thresholds and situates them within a Catholic discipleship context. Building Relationships of Trust The process of coming to faith gains traction for people once they start to significantly trust a Christian. “There is an invisible wall between distrust and trust—a threshold. It seems that people must move through this threshold into trust in order for them to continue on to Jesus.” Building Relationships of Trust “But why is (trust) our starting place? Shouldn’t we be talking about new ways of laying out the gospel? What about quoting verses for people? Can’t we just focus on Bible verses (Or magisterial documents) that better connect with the postmodern generation? No, we can’t. Relationships, genuine friendships are our currency.” Everts, Don; Schaupp, Doug. I Once Was Lost (p. 31). Trust is Valuable and Precious Trust is sweet. It is better than gold. Trust is always a gift of the heart, and therefore it just may be the most precious thing in life, next to love. Trust between two people is so valuable and precious that it should never be taken for granted. Everts, Don; Schaupp, Doug. I Once Was Lost (p. 30). InterVarsity Press. Kindle Edition. Trust is the foundation of all relationships DISCIPLESHIP ONLY HAPPENS AT THE SPEED OF TRUST We need relationships of trust on every step on our journey towards holiness Threshold: the magnitude or intensity that must be exceeded for a certain reaction, phenomenon, result, or condition to occur or be manifested. Threshold #1 Arousing Curiosity Threshold #4 Missionary disciple/Disciple maker Threshold #2 Seeking the Truth Threshold #5 Personal Holiness Threshold #3 Intentional Discipleship 4 3 2nd conversion: into Illuminative Way 5 2 1st conversion: 3rd conversion: into unitive way into intentional discipleship/ purgative way 1 Sp. Seeking Sp. Openness Growth in faith: Sp. Curiosity - knowledge, Holiness/ - experiences, Perfection: Pre-evangelization - habits Love Five Knee-Jerk Reactions to Distrust 1. Defend Often when someone assumes negative things about us, we get defensive. What’s your problem? I am perfectly cool. We know (or assume) there’s nothing we personally have done wrong, and so we want to defend our reputation. Everts, Don; Schaupp, Doug. I Once Was Lost (p. 35). InterVarsity Press. Kindle Edition. Five Knee-Jerk Reactions to Distrust 2. Bruise. Sometimes when we are not trusted, we feel personally offended. We become indignant. Why would you not trust me? I can’t believe I’m being treated this way, lumped stereotypically, unfairly, with other Christians. We get offended that the other person feels offended, and no one really takes time to listen. Our ego is so bruised that we become reluctant to put our heart on the line again. Frequently, even though we wouldn’t admit it, we allow disdain to grow in our heart. We see ourselves as the one who is persecuted, as the victim in the situation. Everts, Don; Schaupp, Doug. I Once Was Lost (p. 35). InterVarsity Press. Kindle Edition. Five Knee-Jerk Reactions to Distrust 3. Avoid. Often our knee-jerk reaction to the neighbor who gets stiff and weird when they find out we are a Christian is to just avoid that neighbor ever after. We distance ourselves. If they don’t like me, then why bother? Who wants to wade through their baggage with past Christians? It’s easier to just avoid the awkwardness and gravitate toward those who “get me”— other Christians. We become numb and indifferent. We stop caring. Everts, Don; Schaupp, Doug. I Once Was Lost (p. 35). InterVarsity Press. Kindle Edition. Five Knee-Jerk Reactions to Distrust 4. Judge. Out of feelings of hurt, and out of pride, some of us lash back with a condescending attitude. It seems so ridiculous that our non-Christian friends would look down on us that we point the finger right back. (Or at least want to.) I can’t believe this immoral, pot-smoking New Ager is actually looking down their nose at me! Whenever we feel under the gun, it’s natural to want to turn the situation and point the gun at someone else. Everts, Don; Schaupp, Doug. I Once Was Lost (p. 35). InterVarsity Press. Kindle Edition. Five Knee-Jerk Reactions to Distrust 5. Argue. Some of us are good at debating, and when others react to the fact that we are “one of those Christians,” we receive their distrust as a challenge. We rev up to unleash some potent logic on them. Look out for my apologetics. Hear this and weep! We get into a competitive mindset and don’t want to lose the point. As we argue, we can deceive ourselves into thinking we are actually serving them, helping them along toward Jesus, but often this reactionary posture actually works to derail their journey of faith. Sure, arguing is a natural reaction; it’s just not always a helpful reaction. Everts, Don; Schaupp, Doug. I Once Was Lost (p. 35). InterVarsity Press. Kindle Edition. The Trust Inventory: How Much Trust Do You Have? To help you think through how much trust you currently have with a friend or family member, ask yourself some simple questions about that relationship: Have they ever called me when they had a problem? Have I ever called them for help in anything? Have they ever been real with me when they were angry or sad? Do I hide my honest emotions or moods from them? Have they ever asked me for advice? Do we ever just have fun together? When do I feel most connected with them—and what are we doing then? Everts, Don; Schaupp, Doug. I Once Was Lost (p. 39). InterVarsity Press. Kindle Edition. Reflection Questions: What is your experience/reaction when people don't trust you? Which knee-jerk reaction to distrust resonates most with you? What is your experience when you don't trust someone? Examples: defensiveness, shut-down How do we build trust? Receiving Hearts How do I receive the other person’s heart when I am accompanying them? How do I build a foundation of trust so the other person can share their heart more freely? “The Apostolate of the Ear” We develop relationships of trust through “vulnerable listening”  “We need to practice the art of listening, which is more than simply hearing. Listening, in communication, is an openness of heart which makes possible that closeness without which genuine spiritual encounter cannot occur. Vulnerable Listening helps us to find the right gesture and word which shows that we are more than simply bystanders.” (EG #171) Listening “Only through... respectful and compassionate listening can we enter on the paths of true growth and awaken a yearning for the Christian ideal: the desire to respond fully to God's love and to bring to fruition what he has sown in our lives.” (EG #171)  “To listen to and to hear one another … is the most precious and life-giving gift we can offer each A Precious other.. ‘Christians have forgotten that the ministry of listening has been committed to them by him who is himself the great listener and whose work they and should share. We should listen with the ears of God that we may speak the word of God.’ Life-giving Whoever does not know how to listen to his brother or sister will soon no longer be able to listen to God either.” Gift – Pope Francis, World day of Social Communications Listening is much more than simply hearing. Listening is much more than simply hearing. Hearing is about receiving information, while listening is about communication, and calls for closeness. Listening allows us to get things right, and not simply to be passive onlookers, users or consumers. Listening also means being able to share questions and doubts, to journey side by side, to banish all claims to absolute power and to put our abilities and gifts at the service of the common good.” (Pope Francis, Message for World of Communication 2016) Martyrdom of Listening “Listening is never easy. Many times it is easier to play deaf. Listening means paying attention, wanting to understand, to value, to respect and to ponder what the other person says. It involves a sort of martyrdom or self-sacrifice, as we try to imitate Moses before the burning bush: we have to remove our sandals when standing on the “holy ground” of our encounter with the one who speaks to me (cf. Ex 3:5).” (Pope Francis, Message for World of Communication 2016) Approaches to Listening Affirmation (Conrad Baars) Feeling firm and strong, being able to possess ourselves in joy and feeling worthwhile, starts with and is dependent on another human being who: 1) is aware of, attentive, and present to your unique goodness and worth, separate from and prior to any good and worthwhile thing you may do or can do, and 2) is moved by, feels attracted to, finds delight in your goodness and worth, but without desiring to possess you, or use you, or change you, and 3) permits his being moved by and attracted to you to be revealed simply and primarily by the psychomotor reactions—visible, sensible, physical changes—which are part of his ‘being moved’.” (Conrad W. Baars, Born Only Once: The Miracle of Affirmation Conversations that engage the heart Conversational Intelligence What are the kinds of conversations that we can have with people that will help to foster evangelization? Conversational Intelligence From 20 years of research, Judith Glaser developed a model for conversations that she summarizes in three Levels of engagement in listening: Conversational Intelligence When we are out to win at all costs, we operate out of the part of the primitive brain called the amygdala. This part is hardwired with the well developed instincts of fight, flight, freeze, or appease. When we feel threatened, the amygdala activates the immediate impulses that ensure we survive. Our brains lock down and we are no longer open to influence. Conversational Intelligence On the other side of the brain spectrum is the prefrontal cortex. This is the newest brain, and it enables us to build societies, have good judgment, be strategic, handle difficult conversations, and build and sustain trust. Yet when the amygdala picks up a threat, our conversations are subject to the lockdown, and we get more “stuck” in our point of view. Level I: Transactional Conversations Level I: Transactional Conversations often can be categorized as “Tell and Ask” interaction dynamics. People are exchanging information, updates, and facts that help us align our realities or confirm we are on the same page. There is not a lot of trust, and people are focusing more on what they need to get from each other to validate and confirm their view of reality. (Judith Glaser, Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results, p. 69 in ebook) Level II: Positional These conversations are characterized by ‘Advocate and Inquire” interaction dynamics. In a Level II conversation, I am advocating for what I want (not just telling you) and I am inquiring about your beliefs so I can influence you to my point of view. Trust is conditional. If I feel you have my back and will not try to steamroll me or win at all costs, I will move into higher levels of trust. However, if I feel that you are not going to be fair or are lobbying at my expense, I will retreat into protective behaviors. Conditional trust raises the levels of uncertainty, which can also trigger the fear networks (Can I open up or not? Can I trust or not?). Level III: Transformational Transformational conversations are marked by “Share and Discover” interaction dynamics. When I share first, my brain receives a cue that I will be vulnerable with you and that I will open up my inner thoughts, ideas, and feelings. Others in the conversation receive the signal that you are willing to be influenced, that you care about them, and that they can trust you to experiment and innovate with them. As we share and discover, we become “mentors of the experiment,” and we will be able to co-create with one another to achieve greater shared success—far beyond what we ever imagined. Things that prevent Level III Conversation Temptations to fix Being uncomfortable with silence Being out of our own window of tolerance – feelings of stress and activation Making judgements “Spiritual-Bypassing” - using spiritual concepts, platitudes, or language to “bypass” or over-spiritualize the real struggles you face Brene Brown on Empathy Empathy is entering into a sacred place with someone An empathetic response seldom begins with “at least” What heals is not an answer, but rather a connection “At least” - Spiritual bypassing Don’t be angry - just forgive Don’t be sad - just offer it up Don’t be distressed - just pray And other responses to avoid: Try harder Just don’t think about it Stop it… Fixing… Brene Brown on Empathy https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw Opening the Heart CCC 2563: The heart is the dwelling-place where I am, where I live; according to the Semitic or Biblical expression, the heart is the place "to which I withdraw." The heart is our hidden center, beyond the grasp of our reason and of others; only the Spirit of God can fathom the human heart and know it fully. The heart is the place of decision, deeper than our psychic drives. It is the place of truth, where we choose life or death. It is the place of encounter, because as image of God we live in relation: it is the place of covenant. Return to the Heart “The symbol of the heart has often been used to express the love of Jesus Christ. Some have questioned whether this symbol is still meaningful today. Yet living as we do in an age of superficiality, rushing frenetically from one thing to another without really knowing why, and ending up as insatiable consumers and slaves to the mechanisms of a market unconcerned about the deeper meaning of our lives, all of us need to rediscover the importance of the heart.” (Pope Francis, Dilexit Nos 2) The Heart (vulnerability, interiority) “The heart is also the locus of sincerity, where deceit and disguise have no place. It usually indicates our true intentions, what we really think, believe and desire, the ‘secrets’ that we tell no one: in a word, the naked truth about ourselves. It is the part of us that is neither appearance or illusion, but is instead authentic, real, entirely ‘who we are’.” (Dilexit Nos 5) “Mere appearances, dishonesty and deception harm and pervert the heart. Despite our every attempt to appear as something we are not, our heart is the ultimate judge, not of what we show or hide from others, but of who we truly are. It is the basis for any sound life project; nothing worthwhile can be undertaken apart from the heart. False appearances and untruths ultimately leave us empty-handed.” (Dilexit Nos 6) Listen to the Heart Contrast these two views of your life: from the outside – a video camera from the inside – where only you can see What is going on inside of you? What were you thinking? What were you feeling? Was that hard for you? Was that fulfilling? Exciting? That sounds scary. How are you processing that? Where was God in that? How do you think He saw it? What does that mean to you?  Examples Outside view I spent an hour in prayer every day Inside view I felt close to God in prayer; He told me He loves me. I went to RCIA I learned about God’s goodness; I felt understood I went out on a date I was anxious; haven’t dated in a while; not sure how it went I got a raise I was working for it for a long time; it was a great accomplishment; I’m really happy I stopped looking for another job I am depressed; I feel defeated; I can’t find God My wife and I had a fight It was really good; we aired some old things; we came to a deeper understanding I never miss Mass; I’ve gone every day for years. I really believe in the value of the Mass; it’s really hard and I never feel like I’m making progress I spend two hours at the liquor store sharing faith It was awkward at first, but I was surprised by the openness and how willing strangers were to talk and pray What are the Qualities of a Good Listener? Eye contact, truly focused on person speaking, not sharing own stories Listening with intent to understand rather than to reply Asking the person “why” rather than responding with an answer Affirmation, playing back—especially when sharing something deep Empathy, validation of feelings, helping person to feel heard in the heart Where did you see God in that? Not coming with an agenda – open to Holy Spirit’s guidance Open to hearing the story and see in light of faith Not in a rush, leaving room for silence, pondering Accessing the interior, accessing the heart Notice what is happening inside of you. What thoughts, feelings, desires are coming up in your relationship with God? What’s happening in your prayer? What thoughts, feelings, desires are coming up in your relationships with others? What thoughts, feelings, and desires are coming up in your day-to-day life (feeling dissatisfied at work, feeling joyful, overwhelmed, etc.) Goal: Bring your whole heart into relationship to be loved Requires vulnerability! Requires trust!  Interiority, Vulnerability, Secure Love Sharing our interior life is the most vulnerable thing we do This requires a very secure place of unconditional love Not rushed Not pressured Not judged We can share anything when we know how we will be received (and even then it’s hard!) Healing comes from entering into vulnerability Man with the withered hand (Mk 3:1-6) Woman at the well (Jn 4:29) Vulnerability, allowing ourselves to be seen, allowing ourselves to be loved, brings us back into communion  The shadow side of communion is shame A major consequence of Sin was that the intimate bond of communion of Adam and Eve and God is ruptured. They stopped trusting each other. They put fig leaves on to hide from each other. They felt disconnected. They felt distrust. They felt disunity. They felt shame. Their communion was ruptured Shame is the fear of disconnection Shame begins to take root through disconnection with others We are made for connection: for love and belonging, and when we don’t experience that through rejection, abandonment, neglect or other areas of wounding, we begin to tell ourselves a story: - “There’s something wrong with me, I’m unlovable, I’m not good enough, I’m inadequate” - “I’m unworthy of the very thing I was created for: love and belonging, and so I start to hide.” Shame causes isolation Shame causes us to hide by: - Seeking to be perfect – covering up all flaws, fixing ourselves, trying to know everything, be everything, and do everything - Becoming competitive and dominating – all to compensate for the shame that we feel - Being in control and being certain - The voice of shame says: if they see me for who I am, they will think I’m not fit for this job. Or they will leave. Or they wont be able to handle it. And so the hiding and secrecy continues What is Shame and Why is it so Hard to Talk About? Shame 1-2-3’s: 1. We all have it! 2. We’re all afraid to talk about shame. 3. The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives Shame is the fear of disconnection (physical pain and intense experiences of social rejection hurt in same way) 1. connection, love & belonging (two expressions of connection) is why we are here 2. fear that something we have or failed to do, and ideal no lived up to or goal we’ve not accomplished makes us unworthy of connection 3. I’m not worthy or good enough for love, belonging, or connection - “I’m unlovable.” “I don’t belong.”  Vulnerability: Shame’s Remedy Shame’s remedy is to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; let ourselves be loved Full Seen and Fully Known To be fully loved - and to fully love - requires that we are fully known. This requires vulnerability Brene Brown on Vulnerability https://www.ted.com/talks/brene _brown_the_power_of_vulnerabili ty Living a whole-hearted life, requires that we share our whole heart Wounds heal through connection “The opposite of trauma is not "no trauma;" the opposite of trauma is connection. To be human is to be wounded. However, wounds heal naturally when the environment is right… and the right environment for healing is the empathic presence of another person. God made our brains and nervous systems to need one another. …” – Adam Young  Trauma can simply be described as “unwitnessed pain.” “Painful events bring on a cascade of complex emotions such as fear, shock, anger, and a sense of vulnerability. God didn't Stress chemicals, like cortisol, are released, affecting the brain, body, and responses to other people. If the pain design us to isn’t acknowledged and healed through loving connection, a wound is created that can fester for years. be alone in Children are particularly vulnerable to the impact of trauma because they don’t have the capacity to process complex, emotionally charged situations. When left alone our pain with any sort of pain, children will infuse events with meaning that is often self-shaming. As psychiatrist Gabor Maté says in his powerful film, The Wisdom of Trauma, “Children don’t get traumatized because they are hurt. Children are traumatized because they are alone with the hurt.” While our souls are designed to heal from painful events, they are not designed to heal in isolation from other people.” Small Group Discussions… Accessing Spiritual Growth We are all Called to Holiness “all the faithful of Christ of whatever rank or status, are called to the fullness of the Christian life and to the perfection of charity” - LG, 40 Perfection in charity – perfect in love We were created to love and be loved The beatific vision – heaven - is a participation in the ecstatic knowing and loving of the Trinity, a participation in Love itself. Training in HOLINESS The time has come to re-propose wholeheartedly to everyone this high standard of ordinary Christian living: the whole life of the Christian community and of Christian families must lead in this direction. It is also clear however that the paths to holiness are personal and call for a genuine "training in holiness", adapted to people's needs. This training must integrate the resources offered to everyone with both the traditional forms of individual and group assistance, as well as the more recent forms of support offered in associations and movements recognized by the Church. (NMI #31)  Thresholds of Ongoing Conversion Threshold: the magnitude or intensity that must be exceeded for a certain reaction, phenomenon, result, or condition to occur or be manifested. Threshold #1 Arousing Curiosity Threshold #4 Missionary disciple/Disciple maker Threshold #2 Seeking the Truth Threshold #5 Personal Holiness Threshold #3 Intentional Discipleship 4 3 2nd conversion: into Illuminative Way 5 2 1st conversion: 3rd conversion: into unitive way into intentional discipleship/ purgative way 1 Sp. Seeking Sp. Openness Growth in faith: Sp. Curiosity - knowledge, Holiness/ - experiences, Perfection: Pre-evangelization - habits Love  Assessing Growth How do you measure growth in Christian life? What are we aiming at? Holiness! Areas of Growth Prayer (relationship with God) Community (relationships ad intra) Mission (relationships ad extra) Dimensions of Growth Knowledge (“to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth” Ephesians 3:18) Experience (“to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge…” Ephesians 3:19) Habits (“live in a manner worthy to the calling you have received…” Ephesians 4:1)  Grid for Growth Prayer Community Mission Relationship with God Relationships with Catholics Evangelization&works of mercy Consolation (Experiences of Consolation (Experiences of Consolation (Experiences of God’s love in prayer) God’s love in community) God’s love in sharing faith) Experience Desolation (Difficult Desolation (Difficult Desolation (Difficult experiences in prayer) experiences in community) experiences in sharing faith) Personal relationship Close, personal, faith-based Sharing the Gospel Practices in prayer relationships Serving the poor Habits Practices in penance Medium-sized groups Caring for the needy Parish community Forming others in faith Volunteering at parish What is the Trinity? What is the Church? What is the kerygma? Who is Jesus Christ? What is your responsibility to How do you tell others about Knowledge What is the Eucharist? the parish? Jesus? What are scriptural models of What are the works of mercy? community? How do you go on mission? THRESHOLDS OF CONVERSION AND FAITH From Forming Intentional Disciples by Sherry Weddell Spiritual curiosity: A person finds himself intrigued by or desiring to know more about Initial trust: A person is able to trust or has a Jesus, his life, and his teachings or some positive association with Jesus Christ, the aspect of the Christian faith. This curiosity can Church, a Christian believer, or something range from mere awareness of a new identifiably Christian. Trust is not the same as possibility to something quite intense. active personal faith. Without some kind of Nevertheless, a person at the threshold of bridge of trust in place, people will not move curiosity is not yet open to personal change. closer to God. Curiosity is still essentially passive, but it is more than mere trust. THRESHOLDS OF CONVERSION AND FAITH From Forming Intentional Disciples by Sherry Weddell 3. Spiritual openness: A person acknowledges 4. Spiritual seeking: The person moves from to himself or herself and to God that he or being essentially passive to actively seeking to she is open to the possibility of personal and know the God who is calling him or her. It is, if spiritual change. This is one of the most you will, “dating with a purpose” but not yet difficult transitions for a postmodern marriage. Seekers are asking, “Are you the nonbeliever. Openness is not a commitment one to whom I will give myself?” At this stage, to change. People who are open are simply the seeker is engaged in an urgent spiritual admitting they are open to the possibility of quest, seeking to know whether he or she can change. commit to Christ in his Church. THRESHOLDS OF CONVERSION AND FAITH From Forming Intentional Disciples by Sherry Weddell Intentional discipleship: This is the decision to “drop one’s nets,” to make a conscious commitment to follow Jesus in the midst of his Church as an obedience disciple and to reorder one’s life accordingly  Thresholds of Ongoing Conversion Threshold: the magnitude or intensity that must be exceeded for a certain reaction, phenomenon, result, or condition to occur or be manifested. Threshold #1 Arousing Curiosity Threshold #4 Missionary disciple/Disciple maker Threshold #2 Seeking the Truth Threshold #5 Personal Holiness Threshold #3 Intentional Discipleship 4 3 2nd conversion: into Illuminative Way 5 2 1st conversion: 3rd conversion: into unitive way into intentional discipleship/ purgative way 1 Sp. Seeking Sp. Openness Growth in faith: Sp. Curiosity - knowledge, Holiness/ - experiences, Perfection: Pre-evangelization - habits Love  Purgative Way (Intentional disciples) Knowledge of God Scripture, Church, CCC, Liturgy, Moral Life Experiences of God In community, Liturgy, service, evangelization, prayer Habits of faith practice Sacraments, prayer, mission, service Living the commandments Community participation Personal prayer punctuated by growing familiarity, intimacy, vocal prayer, meditation Building to stability of faith (virtue) through personal effort Marked by personal effort. Culminates in failure – leads to 2nd conversion  Illuminative Way Knowledge continues to grow Living negative commandments turns into values, gives light Integrates faith into whole life Experiences Deepened sensitivity to movements of the Holy Spirit Deeper experiences of surrender Habits Stabilized virtue Elimination of deliberate sin Active participation in the mission of Christ Prayer – more silence, unceasing prayer, contemplation Marked by docility, surrender. Culminates in failure – leads to 3rd conversion  Unitive Way Fruitfulness in work Immense Fortitude Continual Prayer Sensitivity to Others Contemplation and Action Stable Instinct for Good Apostolic Fruitfulness Purified, Joy-Filled Love Rediscovering Creation from Father’s Heart Habitual Embrace Enhancement of Natural Knowledge Time to Get together with a partner and share a time when you experienced God’s love in prayer, in practice! community, and on mission