Understanding Sexual Activity and Behavior

Defining Sex

• Sex is defined as any consensual sexual activity that generates pleasure between two or more people

Sex in the World Today

• Rates of sexual activity are declining
• People are initiating sex later in life
• Individuals are reporting fewer sexual partners
• Sex is happening less often, with a current average of 1-2 times a week
• About 1 in 10 people are sexually active

Reasons for Decreased Sexual Activity

• Stress from modern society
• time spent on the Internet, dating apps and pornography
• The high cost of raising children places strain on the parents' sex lives
• Bad sex experiences
• Social prejudice and judgment

Differences in Sexual Behavior

• Masturbation frequency varies: 75% of men, 37% of women report masturbating in the last month; ~60% for non-binary people
• Men tend to report approving and desiring casual sex more than women
• Gay men and non-binary individuals report more frequent sex than lesbian women
• Men spend approximately 2x-5x more than women on sex toys and pornography

Sex in Society

• Limited gender differences (or biological sex differences) exist in sexual behavior
• Men are more likely to express approval and willingness
• Women and non-binary individuals disproportionately experience sexual risks
• Societal gender rigidity amplifies differences
• Differences in gender can "flip" when defining sexual intimacy or desire

Good Sex

• Good sex involves consent and quality
• Quality sex includes good communication and enthusiastic consent
• Instrumental communication provides information
• Expressive communication conveys/evokes emotion
• Non-verbal communication consists of body language and noises
• 50-66% of women and 25-33% of men report faking orgasms annually
• 41% of New Zealanders communicate with partners to improve their sex lives
• Non-verbal cues are often used to initiate sex, as vulnerability in verbal communication can be challenging
• More quality sex with a partner leads to more positive affect and automatic evaluation

Elements of Good Sex

• Frequency and quality
• Open communication
• Acceptance and positivity
• Sexual intimacy is not essential for wellbeing

Societal Factors Affecting Sex

• Modern society introduces stress and generational shifts
• Future-oriented stress and shifting priorities
• New societal expectations contrast with traditional norms

Speculations on Changing Sexual Behavior

• Time spent on video games and porn may contribute to social awkwardness and reduced social skills, which is a common theory being proposed
• Young adults being monitored more by parents, along with housing and financial pressures, can affect opportunity and attitude to sex
• Young adults prioritizing being good parents over marriage, and focusing on education/careers early in life

Speculations

• "Pre-commitment" and "slow love" attitudes
• Prioritizing personal goals before sex
• Sex occurring mainly in long-term relationships
• Life stressors inhibiting long-term relationships

Divorce Statistics and Trends

• 60-75% of serious relationships dissolve within one year
• 35% of first marriages in New Zealand end in divorce
• 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce

Average Marriage Duration

• Worldwide, the average marriage lasts 4 years before divorce.
• In New Zealand, the average marriage lasts 8/9 years before divorce, but corrected stats estimate 6/7 years.

Factors Contributing to Decreased Marriage Rates

• Stressful societal environment and pre-commitment concerns
• Decreasing religious adherence (50%)
• Increase in gender equality results in less marriages

Divorce as a Public Health Issue

• Divorce is considered a public health concern
• On the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory divorce is a major life stressor
• Divorce is also the only non-government funded social issue
• Divorce can be one of the most impactful experiences a person can go through

Divorce and Mental Health

• Divorce can trigger depressive episodes in vulnerable individuals
• Increased risk of death after divorce is 30%
• For reference risk of death from smoking is 30%
• The risk of death is much higher (100-200%) for younger divorcees
• One study sample was 600,000,000 people

Social Support and Divorce

• Government-supported social interventions are needed for people going through a divorce
• Government intervention is more focused on smoking, drinking, etc

The Suffocation Model of Marriage

• Model starts in colonial USA where people expect to be fed and secure in a partnership
• Expanded to include a nuclear family where love, raising children, funding, food, are included
• People now need to find their soulmate who can support each other's goals, increasing pressure

The Suffocation Model #2

• Increased pressure and expectations can "suffocate" a marriage
• This explains lowering marriage rates with increasingly negative effects of break-ups
• Individuals need to broaden support systems

Divorce:

• Divorce can be beneficial
• Laws allowing divorce decrease intimate partner violence
• Remaining in an unhappy relationship is less healthy
• It helps people rebuild a better idea of themselves

Divorce Interventions

• Government funded support or adult break-ups with a focus of violence prevention
• Helping people make better meaning rather than relieving it
• Emphasize connections regardless of a romantic relationship

Money and Happiness

• The expectation to be happy increases along with resetting the new standards of happiness, this is referred to as the Hedonic treadmill
• Wealthier countries are happier, social comparisons are made to those closer rather than distance

Income and Happiness (New Zealand data 2008)

• Happiness, stress, and wellbeing increases as income rises to $60,000 in 2008 (~$110,000 now)
• Happiness, stress, and wellbeing increases very slightly when income increases above $125,000 in 2008 (~$200,000 now)
• Increased income consistently correlated with happiness in already happy people

Money, lottery winners and happiness

• Higher income is not correlated with happiness in unhappy people (after $200,000 NZD).
• The lottery and mental health has no correlation
• Lottery winnings are good for life satisfaction, without any positive or negative correlation of health or wellbeing
• Lottery winners are happiest when they do not spend all their money and keep their winnings a secret

What gives us happiness

• Money helps people who earn less or people who were already happy.
• Family partners
• Helping others
• Having a purpose
• Seeing other people happy

What creates a happy life?

• Family health / Taha Whanau
• Physical health / Taha Tinana
• Spiritual health / Taha Wairua: Connection between the "seen" and the "unseen"
• Mental health / Taha Hinengaro: Mana, belongingness

What's not good for your mental health?

• Isolation, insecurity, drugs, etc.

Is social media creating harm?

• Greater social media use has very low correlations with lower self-esteem, satisfaction, and high depressive symptoms
• Social media accounts for only 1% of unhappiness
• Social media can be harmful for a small subset of people

In summary

• Money helps increase well-being, mostly for people who are poor or already happy
• Social media has little effect, but can be harmful to some

Don't base your well-being on what other people say.

• Focus on your tinana, wairua, whanau, hinengaro

Online Dating

• One third of couples in the US meet online
• The second most common way to meet is through work or friends
• Couples that meet online are no different than couples that meet offline
• Met online, couples were less likely to break up or higher marital satisfaction
• Met in person, knowledge and similarity may go down

Internet dating

• Online daters felt dissimilar than if they met in person
• "Relationshopping": Dating apps

Internet dating increases unrealistic high standards

• Images need to be very high quality in order to find matches

Paradox of choice in dating

• Swipe culture and snap judgements create lower satisfaction
• Increased choice causes regret in those that are dating
• People regret missed connections, creating distress
• To avoid this overwhelming feeling, daters apply heuristic choice strategies

Signs of deception on dating apps

• Using old photos
• Lying about their age
• Inaccurate images, fudging height and weight
• Those who cheat are trying to match evolutionary norms

Woman's preference of men

• Physical attractiveness
• Warmth
• Status

Men's preference of women

• Physical attractiveness
• Status
• Warmth

Is this lying?

• Inaccurate views, presenting ideal selves, awareness of fuding norms

Use of uncertainty reduction strategies increases self-disclosure

• To ensure personal safety, daters will verify that those they are talking to are real
• You don't spend to much time on those that won't work
• Daters will google those who match with them
• More likely to dissolve, if you have nothing in common with the other person

Tinder Research

• Varied motivations - 41% of NZ use tinder for casual sex
• Approach or avoidance for tinder
• Approach: 2nd dates
• Dating success if people have a dating motivation
• Anxious attachment: Paradox, wants intimacy and scared of rejection

Friends with Benefits

• (e.g., people who have an existing friendship, these two may or may not engage in sexual activity when they hang out with each other, they are usually not under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs, these two engage in sex with each other regularly)

F*ck Buddy

• (e.g., people who know each other, they engage in sexual activity when they hang out with each other, they are usually not under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs, these two engage in sex with each other regularly)

Booty Call

• (e.g., two people who know each other, one person calls or texts the other person with the intention of having sex with that person within the next few hours, often late at night, one person is usually under the influence of alcohol/and or drugs, these two engage in sex with each other occasionally)

One Night Stand

• (e.g., strangers or people who do not know each other that well, these two usually meet while out in a social setting [e.g., bar, party], sexual activity is not planned ahead of time, one or both are usually under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs, there are no expectations that the two will see each other again [even if contact information exchanged])

Casual sex relationships

• Initiation and how the relationship begins
• Informal code of conduct, listing discussion, monogamy or rules of the relationship
• Arrange meetings
• Monogamy
• Communication between the relationship
• Intimate disclosure
• Outside relationship
• Secrecy, terminology
• Interaction frequency and sexual activities
• Termination of relationships
• No interest / lost interest

Casual sex

• ~ 50% of US university students
• Less romanticized view of love
• Alchohol use
• With high avoidance

Friends with Benefits

• Report feeling like friends
• Ruining the friendship is a great worry

Casual sex can create issues

• Unsafe sex >40% in others
• Halo effect, feel safer with friends
• Feel trapped with no other people
• Women want relationship

FWB benefits or costs

• Women are more likely to want a relationship.
• Higher physical pleasure with the F*CK buddie